The Dragon's Eye
by Phedoria
Summary: A young Khajiit girl has lived her whole life among the Nords. She doesn't remember her past. She loves a Nord, a proud and an honorable man. Their sweet love is about to bloom when disaster strikes. A reluctant hero, filled with anger and hate, arrives in Whiterun. All he wants is to revenge the death of his family. (rated M for gore, violence and sex in later chapters).
1. Night of the Auroras

_Hello, dear readers. This is one of my older stories. I uploaded it here once already but I wasn't very satisfied with it so I took it down. Back then I didn't think I'd have the time, energy or interest to continue it. I still lack time from time to time and the updates might be a bit irregular. But so far I have enjoyed writing it and I hope you will enjoy reading it. Since I don't speak English as my native language, I'm sure there are lots and lots of errors and grammar mistakes. For those I apologize in advance and hope for your understanding. I have read these through several times and tried to make them as good as they can be. _

_Skyrim belongs to Bethesda. I make no money out of this and I write this for my own enjoyment as well as for those who have the patience to read this. __(And for those who are looking for the "adult" stuff, you can skip right next to chapter 33. Don't worry, I won't be mad. Have fun! ;)_

_Without further ado - please enjoy!_

* * *

**1\. Night of the auroras**

As the northern lights blazed in the sky in all the colors of green blue and red and the city and its people were fast asleep, she was afraid to close her eyes. What she could not remember with her waking eyes, always came to her in her dreams. And as the morning came and the suns first rays hit Whiterun, as the stars faded and birds started singing behind her bedroom window, she lost everything she was trying so hard to reach in her dreams.

So she preferred not to sleep. To stay awake as long as she could.

In these lonely, silent nights, she tried to keep her mind on other things, but mostly she just wandered around the empty halls of the Dragonsreach. The guards didn't pay much attention to her, most of them just nodded politely as she passed by. Silently she walked down the stairs, paused to looked around the large, wooden hall which was now empty. During the days, the longhouse was usually filled with people.

There was Iritelth - who rarely smiled - standing next to the Jarl, keeping him safe from all the possible threats. The Dunmer took her job very seriously and she always checked every visitor personally, whether they were farmers outside of the city asking for help with wolfs and bears, or some noble Thane from Solitude, bringing regards from the Empire and Jarl Elisif the Fair. Irileth never let her guard down.

And to this day, Irileth still had suspicions about her.

Even though she had been living in Dragonsreach for years now, she could feel Irileth's eyes upon her, whenever she approached the Jarl or even said few words to him. But she couldn't blame her. Many people in Skyrim considered the Khajiit thieves and Skooma-addicts, unreliable creatures with lots of problems. If this wasn't Whiterun, she wouldn't be allowed inside the city walls.

But Jarl Balgruuf the Greater was a noble and a good man. He was one the most stubborn Nords she knew. But he always smiled at her, always asked how she was doing no matter how busy he seemed to be. Even when he was in the middle of a heated discussion with his steward, Proventus Avenicci, he usually had time to greet her and give her a warm, delightful smile.

The large hall was empty, she guessed that even Irileth had gone to bed at some time of the night. Her steps were quiet and muffled as she moved across the floor. For a moment she stopped beside the big fireplace, which still had glowing embers of burned wood. All the hundreds of fires that were burned in this pit, had left their distinguished marks on the hall. Most recognizable was the rather comforting and cozy smell of the smoke that had embedded itself in the wooden walls and beams. Many people who lived inside the Dragonsreach didn't seem to notice it anymore, they were so accustomed to it. But she could always smell it and never grow tired of it.

It was the smell of home.

The warmth surrounded her and like so many times before, she felt safe and happy here. No danger could reach her inside these sturdy walls.

As she started to feel drowsy, she moved away from the fireplace. She plinked her eyes couple of times and walked slowly to the small room filled with soul gems, alchemy books and other magical items. It was Farengar's workroom and his laboratory. She was always welcome here as well. She remembered that Farengar was indeed one the first people that had made her feel like home inside this strange, huge fort. He didn't look at her like a little, weird, wild animal, instead he had kneeled before her and smiled.

Since that day she had been his apprentice. She knew much of what he did and he always explained things to her. He was never too busy to tell about his newest potions or spells. But he also questioned her and corrected her mistakes. He wanted her to know and remember all the different spells and their consequences. He always reminded her that with magical powers came also the responsibility to know how and when to use them. And under no circumstances did he allow her to hurt innocent people. That's why he had never agreed to teach destruction spells to her.

She sat in his work chair and leaned against his table. Her head felt heavy and she had trouble keeping her eyes open now. It could be so easy just to close her eyes and let the sleep take over, but fear kept her awake. She resisted. She knew that the nightmares were somehow connected with her lost childhood.

She wasn't born here, she knew that. And even though the Jarl treated her like one his own daughters, she knew her origins were somewhere else. So many times she had tried to remember, force herself to remember, but the black, thick veil that covered her mind could not be lifted by force. Only in the night, during her deepest sleep, she was able to see.

To remember.

But as soon as she opened her eyes, everything was covered in darkness again. And all she felt was painful emptiness and longing. They all told her - the Jarl, Farengar, even Lydia - that she didn't need to remember. Because this was her home. She would always be welcomed here. She would always have friends here.

But because she was so different from the rest of them, she wished to find out where she had come from. She wanted to find her real family, if she still had any family left. The Jarl saw her desperation and sent some couriers to different holds of the land to ask around about her possible background, but again and again they all returned without anything new to tell. And after the third courier came back from Solitude as empty handed as the others, she learned not to wait for their return.

Lydia had asked around outside the city, from the traveling Khajiit caravans. She even offered them a remarkably high reward and the Jarl had declared that if anyone was able to give him some information, that caravan would be welcomed inside the city walls.

By then, she had asked him to stop. She didn't want him to spend his valuable time or the wealth that was meant for the citizens of Whiterun on her.

\- But you are one of my citizens, he said and his voice had been filled with determination. - And it is my duty to make sure that all who reside in Whiterun are well taken care of.

She had felt Irileth's stern gaze upon her and she knew the Dunmer didn't approve the Jarls affection towards her. And to this day she always tried to avoid her. Irileth had accused her of sneaking around the palace like a stalking predator and she indeed tried to stick to the shadows and be as quiet and unnoticeable as she could. But she could never hurt the Jarl.

He was as close as a father to her as she had ever known.

While all these thoughts buzzed around in her tired head, while she tried and tried to understand and remember, she didn't hear soft steps behind her. When a warm hand touched her shoulder, she was startled, her heart bouncing, her ears flattened back against her head and she automatically drew her tail under the chair to avoid instant injury.

\- Why are you still awake, Sura? Farengar stood next to her. His voice was concerned and irritated at the same time.

\- I can't sleep, Sura answered and lowered her head. She felt a little guilty, like she had just lied right to his face. But it was no lie, she literally couldn't sleep.

\- Oh, you mean you don't want to sleep, he sighed and crossed his arms. He was wearing his dark blue wizard cloak and in the shadow of his hood, his face looked scary and intimidating.

She nodded but didn't look up at him. His silent disappointment was unbearable. He needed her help tomorrow for some of his new experiments. She knew little of his current work, but the magic he had been working on seemed very dangerous and volatile. And if she wasn't up to the task, if she wasn't sharp and well rested, if her memory didn't work like it usually did, she would not just disappoint him but put all of the other people around them at risk.

He shook his head and she saw some of the stiffness melt out of from his eyes. He sighed and slowly he walked to one of his cabinets, the one he always kept locked.

The storage for his most dangerous ingredients.

He went through some of the bottles, read carefully every marking and label and finally took out one brightly blue vial. He open the cork and poured a small amount in a silver goblet.

\- This is very powerful, he said and placed the goblet in the table in front of her. - But it will make sure that you sleep without dreams. This is the maximum amount you can take. If you drink more, you will die. So never, ever try to take it on your own. No matter how desperate the situation is. Do you understand?

She nodded and reached out for the goblet. It shook in her hand, she hadn't known he had such strong potions in his possessions. But of course, since he was the court wizard, he had to be prepared for everything.

\- This is no potion, he said. She looked at him bewildered. It was like he had heard her thoughts. - It is poison. It will overpower your brain. Cripple them, so they can't come up with any thoughts or memories or illusions. It will also paralyze your body.

Again she looked up at him, now more scared of him than her nightly terrors. The goblet trembled against her lips and the sweet, empowering smell of the drink made her head spin.

\- Don't be afraid, he smiled when he saw her hesitating. - I'm not going to poison you. I only wish you to have a good night's rest and calm sleep. Now, be a good girl and drink it. And then go to bed. It's effect is quite sudden.

Once more she looked into his eyes and saw no sign of lies. With one quick sip she swallowed the liquid, placed the goblet back to the table and stood up. Farengar nodded, smiled and gently patted her on the head.

She told him good night, turned around and walked to her small bedroom. Since she usually worked in the alchemy laboratory with Farengar, the wizard and the Jarl had both ultimately agreed that it would be better if her room was near his workroom. So Farengar's bookshelves and his massive work table had been moved and she had been sleeping in this small side room for many years now.

She thought it was a good arrangement and she liked her room. Although she didn't have much, the Jarl had demanded that her room would be decorated as she saw fit. A small corner table with fresh flowers, which she always picked herself, she especially liked the smell of the lavender. Few candles and wall scones, little wardrobe with couple of dresses and a tiny chest for the her most important, personal things.

She changed her dress to a comfortable night wear and lay upon her bed, pulling the warm, woolly covers over her. And as the darkness started to creep over her and her vision began to blur, she realized in her foggy mind that there actually was one thing she could remember from her earlier dreams.

A growl - soft and gentle and low, not scary but comforting. And rough patch of black fur under her small fingers.


	2. Tough as steel

**2\. Tough as steel**

The day was as sunny and bright as it could be. The warm winds of the early spring swept over Whiterun and everyone seemed to be in a happy, joyful mood. Even the guards sometimes took off their suffocating helmets and raised the faces towards the light, eyes closed and a careful smile on their faces.

Sura looked over the city. She was at the Skyforge and her blue, bright eyes smiled as a flock of birds flew right over the Jorrvaskr, the great mead hall of the Companions. From the birds her gaze moved down to the training area and she could see some of the Companions down in the yard, talking, laughing and testing their weapons and skills.

\- Girl! Eorlund Gray-Mane, Skyforge's blacksmith interrupted her thoughts. - Did you come here to work or to have fun? This steel is still not as thin as I want it to be.

\- Sorry, Sura turned back to him and her warm smile melted some of the hardness from his face. - But it's such a beautiful spring day. Did you see those birds, Eorlund?

\- The Companions need their weapons, he grunted. - I don't have time to watch birds. And neither do you. Keep forging, that sword still needs much work.

She smiled but did as she was told and kept shaping the hot steel with her hammer. She liked the physical work in the forge, but to this day she hadn't managed to make a sword or a shield that Eorlund would find satisfying. There always seemed to be something wrong, some crack or defect that he would notice. And he was always right. The swords she made and tested, broke easily in the use of experienced warriors and the shield shattered way too soon under the huge pressure or war hammers and axes.

But still she kept going, kept trying to satisfy him. Like the court wizard Farengar, the Skyforge's smith Eorlund Gray-Mane was hard to please and demanded perfection. And still both of these men were willing to teach her. When she wasn't learning magic from Farengar, she spent her days in Skyforge listening and looking as the best smith in all of Skyrim showed her what he did and how he did it.

Eorlund Gray-Mane was proud of his work and he wasn't afraid to show it. But he was also very stiff and stern and didn't allow fooling around. The Skyforge was a dangerous place with the hot, boiling forge and filled with sharp steel weapons. He mostly nagged and complained to her, that he shouldn't let her to come to the Skyforge or waste his time teaching her, because she wasn't able to make anything decent. All she did, was waste his precious materials.

But Sura just smiled at his words. She knew it was part of his nature. Eorlund had never asked her to pay anything and he always had some steel ingots in storage if she wanted to try something other than swords or daggers. She cared for him like an uncle and she would always remember the first time she saw the big, muscular man at his forge, long before his hair and beard had turned grey.

She relived the memory, and for a moment saw him like he was back then, agile and strong, quick and professional. He had perfected his skills, he never made a single useless move and his rough hands - which were filled with calluses - caressed the steel softly and gently like it was his lover.

\- Daydreams again? Eorlund saw her looking at him and stood up from the grindstone where he had been sharpening a thin bladed steel sword. He lifted it up to his eye-height, looked down the blade to see if it was curved or contorted. He touched the edge of the blade carefully, brought his thump over it and the softest, slightest touch drew drops of blood from his finger. Satisfied at his work, he smiled.

Then he turned and handed the sword to her.

\- This is what I want you to accomplish, he said and now his voice was softer, deeper and gentler. As she took it, she couldn't but marvel the lightness of the blade and the force of the weapon. It felt like it pulsated in her arms, like it had the mind of it's own, ready to strike down anyone who would dare to threaten her.

\- Take it to him, Eorlund commanded.

\- Him? Sura blinked her eyes. _He couldn't possibly mean..._

\- You know very well who's sword that is, Eorlund grunted. - He's down in the training yard. I promised to have it done by today. And take the rest of the afternoon off. I need to clean this mess you made.

\- Are you kicking me out? Sura was astonished. That was extremely strange. Eorlund never cut the days short and sometimes he even kept her at the forge late until the evening.

\- For the afternoon, I am, Eorlund nodded. - Now get going.

As she walked down the stone stair of the Skyforge, the older man looked after her. He had given her the sword for a reason. The cat and mouse play in Jorrvaskr's hallways had been going on for far too long. Years, in fact. He wasn't about to play the goddess of love, but he wanted to give them the opportunities he could. Because it seemed, that if things were up to those too - the shy little cat girl and the smart but way too honorable warrior - nothing would happen, until they were both old and grey and ready to fall into their graves. He chuckled to himself and grabbed the sword she had been working on. _Well_, he thought and was quite impressed by her work. _Maybe she isn't as hopeless as I imagined._

Sura was nervous. She was always nervous when had to deal with _him_. Never mind what it was about, his closeness made her uncomfortable. The main reason were his eyes. They were grey and seemed cold and unfeeling, but she had seen a flash of fire and passion underneath his carefully constructed shell. His eyes were the most spectacular part of him. She mostly shied away from his gaze but when he wasn't looking, she could've stared at him for hours.

Now she stood the sword in her hands, grasping it so hard that she felt her own claws dig in to her palms. She bit her lower lip, frowned and reminded herself that this was nothing compared to her nightmares. Why was she so nervous? She drew a deep breath and walked slowly to the training yard where the two brothers were clashing their swords. She stopped on her tracks when she noticed that neither of them had any cover or armor over their upper bodies.

She could smell their sweat, it glistened on their skins, and hear their panting. The sun had drifted behind the thick clouds and a cold wind swept across the yard. The two men didn't seem to notice the change in the weather.

And neither did she. She was only wearing her blacksmiths apron and a thin, woolly dress. Her fur kept her warm, and suddenly hot and cold shivers ran down her spine. She wasn't trembling because of the coldness. As she looked at them - _at him _\- a strange warmness spread throughout her body. Her heart began to beat faster and she didn't notice how her tail moved nervously from left to right, again and again.

For a moment, it looked like the taller, stronger, bulkier man was winning. He laughed at his brother and the sound echoed throughout the yard. It was deep and warm and filled with affection. He swung his sword around, took few steps towards the other man and charged forward. But where he was incredibly strong and powerful, his brother was quick and agile. All he had to do was take one, small step aside and the charging bear lost his balance. At the last moment he tried correct his move, but it was already too late. He crashed into the ground, his sword flew away from him and he was too tired to get up and continue the battle. His brother walked to him, reached out his arm and pulled him on his feet.

\- You need to think before you charge, Farkas, he said to his brother.

\- You know me, Farkas laughed. - I never use my brain while in a fight.

\- And that's why you can never beat me, Vilkas smiled, shook his head, walked to the stone wall that circled the yard, grabbed a soft cloth and wiped the sweat from his forehead and chest. Only then he saw the girl standing across the yard, squeezing a huge sword in her hands.

Farkas said something to him, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. His blood still ran high because of the battle but her presence exited him in a different way. Farkas' voice didn't reach his ears, all he could see, was the girl.

Her fur was as white as the first winter snow in the mountains. Only few dark stripes dotted it - two in the tail and one above her right ear. He wanted to follow the stripes with his finger, trace them and find out how far those markings continued and were they just random curves and whirls or did form any noticeable pattern. But it was her eyes that always drew his attention. They were the brightest of the blue, like the blazing northern lights in the darkest time of the night. Like the turquoise mountain streams that poured down to the valleys below. Like the sky high above Skyrim, they were wild and untamed.

Farkas noticed that his brother wasn't listening to him. He followed his gaze and as he saw the girl, he shook his head and a knowing smile rose on his face.

\- Hey, kitty cat! he yelled at her and waved his hand. - What do you intend to do with that big sword? Have you finally come to cut my poor brother's heart out and claim it for yourself?

Sura couldn't help but giggle at his remark. Vilkas nudged his brother with his elbow. Farkas just laughed, he never stopped teasing her and he always called her a "kitty cat". It was more like a pet name than an insult, there was nothing offensive in the way he said it and she quite liked it.

Suddenly the mood in the training yard was much lighter, her hard grip of the sword loosened and she walked to them. She greeted them both and her sparkling eyes gleamed with laughter. She handed the sword to Vilkas.

\- From Eorlund, she said. - Your new sword.

\- Looks sturdy, Farkas said and before Vilkas had the chance to even hold the sword, Farkas grabbed it from Sura and smiled to his brother. - Let me test it out for you.

And with that, he was gone and they were suddenly alone.

An awkward silence fell between them, neither of them knew what to say. Sura was looking down at her own feet, and she didn't notice how the man beside her devoured her with his eyes. But she could smell his skin and feel the warmth that was radiating from his bare chest. If she would just lean little closer, she could almost touch him.

By the Gods, why was this woman so close to him and still so far away? He had watched her as the years passed by, as she grew from a little lost girl to an astonishingly beautiful woman. She started to work in Skyforge with Eorlund - which was unheard of, Eorlund never took an apprentice, and still there she was, day after day, from early morning until late in the evening. So close to him that he could smell her, the faint scent of lavender and tundra cottons. Whenever she was there, he couldn't really concentrate on anything so he usually kept to himself, delved into books or went to an occasional mission or two. He went anywhere, did anything so he could avoid her intoxicating, torturous presence. But today, the Gods themselves had lead her here, right next to him.

Sura felt him shift on his feet and all of a sudden she was afraid that he would leave her. She quickly raised her eyes to look at him, to ask him not to go. But he wasn't leaving. He was still there and now her eyes locked into his. She had never seen them so close. The dark war paint made his grey gaze deeper and more intensive. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ Sura thought in her hazy mind. _So soft and gently._ _His eyes are so grey, like the steel of Skyforge. But this man is made of steel, he is as though as steel. Can the warm fire of the forge melt him? _

He could have dived into those beautiful, blue eyes and died happily in their deep, warm hand raised on its own and like a whisper, he caressed her cheeck. She couldn't help but smile to him and without even knowing it, she leaned a little closer.

Was this a dream? His imagination? Did she really answered to his touch? He turned to face her and the only thing he wanted now was to hold her. He caressed her jaw line, lifted her head with his finger and lowered his head to kiss her.


	3. What it could have been

**3\. What it could have been**

They were all gathered in front of two, large windows. Farkas, Aela and Skjor in the other one, Ria, Njada and Athis in front of the other. Even Vignar had pushed himself between Farkas and Aela when he heard what was going on. When he had seen Sura and Vilkas in out in the yard, he had growled something about young people and their weird courtship rituals that lasted years on end.

They all watched silently as the two slowly moved closer to each other, the cat and the wolf. The girl and the man.

\- Finally! Aela said. - They have been dancing around each other long enough.

\- Nothing is going to happen, Torvar claimed from the other side of the hall. He was calmly sitting in the huge table, eating horker meat and drinking mead. The others turned to look at him.

\- Get your coin out! Farkas smiled at him. - You are just grumpy because this time you really have to pay up.

\- I know women better than anyone else in here, Torvar slurped his drink. - She is going to turn away at the last moment, play coy or blush all over. Then, she is going to torture him by turning her back at him and walking away swaying her hips as she goes.

\- Well, it doesn't seem like that, Ria giggled. – I wish they would just get it over with. Who in these days spends so much time and effort for only one kiss! If it was me, I would have already stripped all my clothes off and ran towards the closest bedroom.

\- Pay up, Torvar! Skjor exclaimed. - This is more progress that we have seen in years.

\- What does the book say? Torvar asked him. - Only when they kiss, right. That's when I'll pay. Not a moment sooner.

\- Wait! Who's that? Farkas frowned and they all extended their necks too see better.

\- Lydia! What is she doing there? Aela was astonished. – Ruining a perfect moment! My coin...

The gentle moment between Vilkas and Sura was interrupted by the sword-maiden Lydia. She stood there for a moment, bewildered and then spun around. And without any explanation Sura tore herself away from Vilkas and sprinted after her.

When Torvar saw the lovers pull away from each other, he chuckled, smiled to the others and could feel their irritation filling the air.

\- What did I say? Now pay up! I have an important meeting at the Bannered Mare.

\- Yeah, with some barrels of mead, right? Njada grunted.

\- Wrong! I'm heading there to meet a beautiful woman, more heavenly than anyone in here, Torvar grinned and gathered a huge amount of gold coins from the others. He squeezed his hand around his purse and whistled happily as he almost danced out of the door.

\- How come he is so brave in the battle but such a sissy when it comes to women? Aela wondered and stared at Farkas. - You need to beat some sense into him.

\- I never win him, Farkas said. - But why don't you give it a go? You used to beat us up when we were just whelps.

\- I might just have to do that, Aela looked at Vilkas when he entered the mead hall only moments later.

* * *

Lydia was confused and embarrassed. She had been looking for Sura the whole afternoon, first from the Market, where she ran into Arcadia. She asked her to deliver a message to Sura. Something about new ingredients that she needed. Sura often headed to the plains of Whiterun to get some flowers, mushrooms and insects to Arcadia. And most of the time Lydia went with her. To protect her and to talk with her.

She looked for her in the Dragonsreach and the court wizard Farengar told her to head towards the Skyforge. She could tell that Farengar was not all that pleased to have her wizard apprentice work with the rough and stern smith but he didn't really have any reason to stop her either.

So she headed to the Skyforge. From the bottom of the stone stairs, she could hear the steady pounding of a hammer on a steel and she assumed Sura was working hard to keep Eorlund Grey-Mane satisfied. But when she reached the top, all she could see was the old smith looking at her angrily and annoyed. The man sure was famous and not just for his work. He was also know far and wide for his bad temper and not so friendly remarks. So Lydia didn't prolong her stay, she only wanted to know where her friend was. The old smith didn't answer nor did he interrupt what he was doing. He only nodded towards the mead hall of Jorrvaskr.

She sprinted down the stairs and headed for the training yard expecting to see Companions with their swords and bows and arrows. They were the pride of Whiterun, the toughest, fearless, most honorable warriors in Skyrim. Even Jarl Balgruuf respected them. Their Harbinger, Kodlak Whitemane, sometimes came up to the Dragonsreach. The Jarl and the Harbinger could discuss and debate for hours with each other.

There was no one in the yard except a man and a Khajiit. What she saw was so unexpected, that she stopped on her tracks. She looked around to find someone to confirm that this was indeed the reality and not some weird mirage or an illusion.

The couple were leaning towards each other, almost embracing, almost kissing. She could feel the emotions that flashed between them. Years of longing, yearning, pining. Shyness and fear and hidden lust from her, great gentleness and reassurance and desire from him. It was something powerful and tangible. Something that she had never experienced herself, something she didn't know existed.

In Skyrim, love wasn't in high demand.

She startled herself by uttering a single soft cry. She didn't mean to disturb them but as soon as she made her presence known, the moment changed from romantic to incredibly awkward. She felt his angry eyes upon her and without saying a word she turned around and walked swiftly out of the training yard. She heard hurried steps behind her but managed to get to the Gildergreen, in the center of the Wind District when Sura caught up with her.

\- I'm really sorry, Lydia turned to face her friend. - I didn't mean to disturb...

\- It's alright, Sura smiled to her and waved her hand. - It wasn't something that was meant to happen anyway.

Just caught up in the moment, Sura thought and felt herself a bit sad. He was probably thinking about someone else and the heat from the battle with Farkas just got his blood flowing. He's a Nord, I'm a Khajiit. There is no way that a warrior like him would find a mere cat like me attractive. And even when his was thinking about someone else, even when there was some beautiful Nord woman in his heart, she was happy that for a short moment, she had been so close to him. Just once. No need to wish for anything else.

Lydia searched her friends face, saw sadness and acceptance in her eyes. She wasn't sure what she had seen or felt between Sura and Vilkas, but it sure wasn't anything empty or tame. Sura smiled to her and she understood that her friend was ready to forget the whole incident. And if Sura didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force her to do so.

\- Did you have something to say to me? Sura asked as they headed towards the market district.

\- Oh yes, Lydia laughed. - I almost forgot. Arcadia asked you to stop by, something about new ingredient and some extraordinary potion she was making. And I also talked to Adrianne. Your leather armor with the pants and the cuirass is ready.

\- Well, let's stop by at Arcadia's at first and if she needs me to bring something from the plains, I can also test out the new armor, Sura said. - Not that I need it. You are always there to make sure I'm safe.

They laughed together as they crossed the market. Almost instinctively they both stopped at Fralia's jewelry stand and wondered the beautiful silver necklaces and rings. They never had the money to buy such luxuries but sometimes Fralia allowed them to try them on. Lydia always thought that the sparkling sapphire necklace was perfect for Sura because it matched her gorgeous eyes so well. Fralia agreed and promised to keep the sapphire necklace safe until she was able to buy it herself.

Sura just laughed at Lydia's words. She did like the necklace but she usually wore her gold pendant. She often wondered where it was from and who had given it to her. The pendant, shaped like a the crescent moon, had been with her as long as she could remember. It felt comfortable around her neck and she refused to take it off for more than few seconds. Without it, she felt naked and unprotected. She also thought it was the last clue she had of her lost childhood. If she would lose it, even the slightest hope would be gone. So she guarded and protected it, always making sure she didn't drop it or misplace it.

They said their goodbyes to Fralia and continued to the alchemy shop.

Arcadia's Cauldron was a cozy and comfortable. It was more like a home than a shop. The owner kept the place clean and always greeted her customers with a smile on her face. She had many ingredients in the front desk and the back shelves were covered with vials and bottles of different shapes and sizes. When she wasn't at the desk, she usually spent her time in the backroom, in her alchemy laboratory.

\- Oh, Sura and Lydia, Arcadia greeted. - Nice to see you both.

\- Lydia mentioned you wanted to have some new ingredients from the plains, Sura looked around. - But it seems your storages are quite full. What do you need?

\- I'm sorry to bother you with such a small errand, Arcadia looked genuinely regretful. - You see, I have this new potion I'm trying to make. I got the recipe from Solitude only late last night but it contains at least twenty different items. I have some of them here but I'm missing the most. I would go and get them myself but I can't afford to close the shop in the middle of the day and well...you both know how dangerous it's out there after dark.

\- Don't worry, Sura calmed her. - We'll get them for you.

\- Thank you so much, Arcadia smiled. - Okay, I need...

Lydia shook her head and once again marveled Sura's memory. The Khajiit didn't know how to read or write but she didn't need a list to remember Arcadia's ingredients. The Imperial woman listed at least ten different flowers and insects and by the time they made their way towards the Warmaiden's, Lydia has already forgotten most of them. But she knew Sura wouldn't forget. Her memory was unmatched, she could remember everything else - except her childhood.

Adrianne was out at her forge when they approached her. She was a blond Nord woman, strong and proud and she rarely smiled. She was almost always obsessed with swords and axes, made new ones and tried hard to perfect her skills. Lydia had heard that Adrianne's husband, Ulfberth War-Bear, sometimes complained about his wives great interest in war weapons and amours. It was apparent that he didn't get enough attention in the bedroom. But despite that, Adrianne and Ulfberth were one of the happiest couples in Whiterun and their affection towards each other was in evident and everyone could see it. To Ulfberth, Adrianne was his little war maiden.

She greeted them rather warmly when she saw them and was glad to take break from her work. She told the come inside and offered Sura some privacy in the backroom while she tried her new leather armor.

The armor and the cuirass was surprisingly light and easy to wear. She could flex herself and bend down without any difficulties. The armor was dark brown and the leather was molded soft and resilient. Adrianne had even considered her tail as she had left out a whole in the back of the cuirass and the trousers. The boots that went along with the armor were also very comfortable and easy to move around with. They didn't scratch or chafe her legs and the armor felt like a second skin.

She paid gladly the agreed amount of gold. Adrianne promised that if she ever needed her armor repaired or refitted, she would do it at a fair price. Now ready to go, they walked out the door and it was like the spring had suddenly returned. The sun was once again shinning upon them and the cold wind was but a distant memory.


	4. More than a duty

**4\. More than a duty**

As they walked pasted the city gate and towards the Whiterun stables, Sura glanced at her friend. There was something bothering Lydia, she could feel it but she didn't exactly know how to start questioning her. Finally, as they passed the stables, she opened her mouth.

\- So, I hear things are nearly settled between you and Hadvar, she started and by her side Lydia sighed heavily. - What's wrong?

\- Nothing, she said finally. - I'm perfectly content.

\- You don't want to marry Hadvar? Sura inquired.

\- It's not him, Lydia said and looked at Sura when she bent down to pick some white tundra cottons in her basket. - I'm sure he will make a perfect husband. After all, he is

kind and patient and handsome and...and...boring, Lydia yawned.

\- How can he be boring? Sura scanned around her surroundings and headed towards a large tree stump to pick up some Mora Tapinella mushrooms. - He's a soldier after all. And a Nord.

\- Yes, he is, Lydia nodded. - But since he is so stubborn and honorable, he wishes me to stay at our house in Solitude. Taking care of the place, cooking for him, cleaning, looking after the kids.

\- But if you wish to experience an adventure, can't you join the Legion yourself? Sura suggested. - Surely he doesn't want you to just remain in Solitude. He knows that there are many women soldiers in the legion, even Legate Rikke is a woman. And she is high above him.

The idea that Lydia would move to Solitude after her marriage pained Sura's heart. She was sorry to see her friend go. In Whiterun, Lydia was basically the only one who accompanied her to the plains, who she could talk and laugh with. She was practically the older sister she never had.

\- Oh no, Lydia shook her head. - He told me that he doesn't wish his wife to see the horrors and the gore of the battlefields. And guess what that means? I am to become a boring housewife.

Sura couldn't help but laugh at the image. Lydia rarely wore anything other than her steal armor and the idea of her in a fancy dress and her hair braided neatly down her back made her giggle.

\- This is why I trained for years? Why did I learn to fight and kill, if that is my destiny? Lydia sat down on a small rock. She admired the city from afar and already felt a little homesick.

\- So, when are you two heading towards Riften? Sura sat down beside her. She had gathered most of Arcadia's ingredients, few were still missing. But the afternoon was beautiful and warm and she felt like they didn't have to rush. Her friend needed to talk and she needed to listen to her.

\- I don't know exactly, Lydia looked in the distance. - It seems that things are now quite flammable in the battlefield. The last time I heard from Hadvar, he was somewhere near the Darkwater Crossing, he said that there was bound the be some Stormcloack activity. But that was some time ago. I really don't know where he is now.

\- I'm sure he is fine, Sura said when she sensed worry in Lydia's voice.

\- Yes, I do care for him, Lydia confessed and looked at her. - And when the time comes for Hadvar and I marry, you will accompany me to Riften and attend my wedding, won't you?

\- Of course, Sura smiled. - Wouldn't have it any other way.

Her smile seemed to calm her friend and they sat quietly for a moment, only listening to the distant voices of the city.

\- Speaking of marriage, Lydia finally turned to her and grinned. - I heard that you are not very far from Mara's blessings yourself.

\- What? Sura asked and Lydia could clearly hear panic in her voice.

\- You haven't heard? Lydia was astonished at her friends ignorance. - The Jarl has received at least two proposals concerning you. It seems that men in Whiterun look at you rather...favorably, she giggled.

\- No, I haven't heard, Sura said and her heart skipped a beat. - Do you happen to know who these men are?

\- Yes, I do know, Lydia nodded. - The other is our own local store manager, Belethor. I have no doubt that he has heard of your incredibly memory and wishes to benefit from it. After all, he wouldn't need to write anything down anymore, you would be his personal, living account book.

Sura smiled and found it hard to believe. He often visited Belethor's General Goods but never had she suspected that the owner would be interested her in some way. Other than as customer, of course.

\- And the other one? she could hardly breath.

\- Idolaf, Lydia told her. - Battle-Born. If you were to choose between those two, I would recommend the latter. His quite handsome and I'm sure he could offer you a good home and a good life. His family is wealthy and they support the Empire. You could even coax him to move to Solitude, so you and I wouldn't have to be separated.

\- Oh, Sura sighed and felt incredibly disappointed. What had she expected? Vilkas was above all of the other men in Whiterun. And would it really be possible for him to marry. He had pledged his life to the Companions, after all. She could only image that the woman he would one day choose, should be strong and proud and match his power and brains in every way. To be equal with him.

She raised her eyes, blinked and looked at the mighty city in the center of the plains. Her voice was weaker and tenuous when she talked again.

\- Don't you wish to find love? she asked Lydia. -The person you marry and spend your life with, shouldn't you be able to love him? Is respect really enough?

\- Love? Lydia asked, and in an instant she could remember the gentle moment she has witnessed in the Jorrvaskr training yard. Was that love? she thought. Was it really love she had seen?

\- Yes, we worship Goddess Mara as one of our divines, Sura continued. - Why do we still so rarely search for her blessings? Why do we settle for someone who we only find moderately pleasing? If you do not love Hadvar, if you see him only as a childhood friend, shouldn't you wait a little longer?

\- So, I take it you are not going to marry neither one of them, Lydia said. - That's what I thought. And that is alright. No one forces you to choose your mate. But things are different with me. I'm not some young maiden anymore and if I keep waiting for the Mara's blessing, I might end up married to some old, drunk innkeeper.

\- But you want adventure, Sura sighed. - Why choose to marry if the only thing you can expect is a boring life as a housewife?

\- I yearn adventure, I do, Lydia admitted. - But nobody is young forever. We grow older. I think it's better to marry now, have a steady home and a place to go, a place to belong to...

\- But you already belong to Dragonsreach, Sura interrupted her. - The Jarl is your uncle! You always have a place there, no matter how many adventures you go to.

\- True, Lydia nodded. - But the Dragonsreach is the Jarl's home. It's my father's home. And my father also wishes me to marry Hadvar, after all, he promised it to my mother before she died. And I think he worries about me. If he dies, then there is no one to take care of me. That's why he has pushes us in this marriage so strongly.

\- So, you marry Hadvar only because your father wishes it, Sura sighed.

Lydia didn't reply, but they both knew that was ultimately true. Lydia was a rational woman, she listened to her head rather than her heart. But Sura was different. She wanted to let her feelings guide her. She believed that eventually her feelings would lead her to her real family. She was sure that she would recognize her family, her parents and sisters and brothers, if she one day would meet them. Her heart would recognize them, not her brain.

\- Do we have all the ingredients? Lydia finally broke the silence.

\- Almost, Sura nodded. - We best stay clear of the Giant camp, they might get nervous if we get too close. Arcadia still needed some glowing mushrooms and Bleeding Crown's but we can't find those from the plains. And she didn't want us to go into the caves.

\- She's right, you know, Lydia pulled out her sword and stroke the steel with her hand. - Two helpless women like us. How could we possibly defend ourselves?

\- There are some dangerous creatures living in the caves, Sura grinned. - Spiders, bears, even saber cats. And wolves most definitely.

\- Don't forget the trolls, Lydia added casually. - My sword would be too slow to beat down a troll but your destruction spell would burn one to a crisp in moments.

Sura glanced at her and was amazed to hear, that Lydia actually knew some of her most guarded secrets. Farengar would have skinned her alive if he knew that she had learned some destruction spells behind his back. All he wanted her to learn was calming and healing and clairvoyance.

\- You are not as secretive as you think, my friend, Lydia nudged her and laughed.

\- Apparently not, Sura admitted.

\- And I also know that you can actually conjure a flame atronach, Lydia continued and her eyes gleamed with amazement. - That's something not everyone can do.

\- I wonder, how do you find out these things, Sura growled but Lydia could clearly see that she wasn't really angry.

\- So, with your flame spell, my sword and with a possible flame atronach at our side, would you be interested to get those mushrooms for Arcadia? Lydia tempted.

\- That might be the last adventure you and I can enjoy together, Sura smiled at her and stood up. - Let's go, Sword-Maiden. Lead us to our next destination.


	5. An unknown path

**5\. An unknown path**

The first cave they came upon was a shallow, deep cut straight inside the mountain. They could still see Whiterun behind them and one of the watchtowers so if things turned out really bad, they could just run out and head towards the towers. Lydia pulled out her sword and placed her iron shield ahead of her.

\- Stay behind me, she said to Sura. - And if you need to use your spells, always warn me before, so I don't get caught in the crossfire.

\- Understood, Sura nodded.

The deeper they entered, the darker it got. They could hear water running somewhere ahead, and they needed to watch their steps for the rocks were wet and slippery. The walls were covered with thick and moist moss and they stopped for a moment to gather some even though Arcadia hadn't asked them to bring any. But Sura figured she could use it with some of her own experiments.

After some time, the air suddenly got lighter and they could see better. They glanced at each other when they heard voices coming from deeper in the cave. As quiet as they could, they snuck forward and crouched behind a huge boulder that leaned over the ledge. In front of them the cave broadened, and they could see several people talking, drinking and laughing.

\- Bandits, Lydia whispered. - There is no way we can take them all. And there are bound to be more of them in the cave.

\- What are they doing here? Sura wondered.

\- Most of them are fugitives from the Imperial army and even from the Stormcloacks, Lydia explained. - My father told me that even when they join voluntarily, the strenuous training and the harsh conditions are hard to bear. So they turn and run. And with nowhere to go, they join forces and rob travelers and caravans, even kill and kidnap people sometimes.

\- Should we head back? Sura murmured. - Like you said, there are too many for us.

\- You're right, Lydia nodded. - Better not risk it.

They turned back as they crept up the tunnel, small rocks crackled under their feet and rolled down hill. Immediately the light chatter down in the cave ended and they glanced at each other, hearts pounding.

\- Who's there? a stern voice called out. Sura could hear the metallic voice as the bandit pulled out her sword. She saw Lydia ready her weapon and grab her shield tighter in her hand. Lydia nodded to her and she understood that if things turned out bad, she would need all the help she could get. The bandit approached them. She closed her eyes and, like Farengar had thought her, she cleared her mind to summon the purest and the clearest energy in her body. She hadn't used the fire spell very often but she knew that it required much more energy and concentration than healing or clairvoyance.

\- Hey! the woman yelled angrily as Lydia leapt out from her hiding place. She was as quick, she knew how to use her sword, and before anyone could react, the bandit's head rolled to the ground. Lydia didn't notice the blood that spurted from the severed neck, not even when it splattered to her face. In the dim light, she looked scary and terrifying, as her dark hair covered most of her face and her green eyes glinted with adrenaline. She yelled out a battle cry and jumped over the ledge in the middle of the bandit rabble. Without hesitation, she attacked and dodged, always keeping her eyes on the enemy and never turning her back to any of them.

Sura jumped on to the rock, and saw that her friend was surrounded by five or six men, she had already killed three by the time Sura managed to gather the energy she needed. She yelled out a warning, Lydia nodded and leaped out of the way as she unleashed a powerful and destructive fire burst from her hands. It was so powerful that it almost overbalanced her. She was astonished at how terrifying weapon it was and in mere moments the men were engulfed by the flames. They were now screaming and crying as their skin and hair burned away. The smell of the burning flesh filled the air and Sura turned away from the horrible sight. Now she understood why Farengar never wanted her to learn destruction spells.

Silence fell in the cave. The only sounds they could hear was the booming echo of the distant water and the simmering hiss of the fat from the scorched bodies. Lydia seethed her sword put squeezed her shield in her other hand hoping that it would stop trembling. Nothing had prepared her for the powerful magic that her friend wielded. She looked up and saw Sura sitting on the rock but she looked just as shocked and confused. She hid her hands behind her back. She wanted to make sure that she wouldn't accidentally hurt her. Like she wasn't in control of the magic she possessed.

Lydia walked up to her and took her hand into hers. She tried to calm her down with a smile and for a moment they stood there, just contemplating what they had done.

\- Quite an adventure this turned out to be, Lydia finally said. - I'm glad you didn't conjure a flame astronach after all.

\- Me too, Sura nodded and shook her head. - So, are we considered murderers now?

\- They were bandits, Lydia said. - Fugitives and thieves. I'm quite sure no one will miss them.

\- Well, we better not tell anyone about this, Sura said. - The Jarl will skin me and Farengar will gladly sleep on my fur for the rest of his days if he finds out about this.

\- So true, Lydia laughed and was amazed to hear her own, happy voice. Was she really able to laugh? Watching the burning men roll in their agony, she had been sure no laughter would escape her lips ever again.

\- Did you see any mushrooms? Sura asked as she jumped off the rock. It sounded incredibly stupid and an inappropriate question considering the situation, but she wanted to concentrate to something else entirely. Anything that would lead her mind of the burned people laying on the ground. The people who had died by her hand.

\- I thought I saw some near the back wall, Lydia pointed and as Sura ran to pick the mushrooms, Lydia searched the tables and the bookshelves and the chests that were scattered around the cave. - Damn it, she hissed as the biggest, wooden chest was locked.

\- Here, let me try it, Sura offered, set her basket on the floor, pulled out a small knife and cranked the lock back and forth for a few times. A satisfying click made her smile and she could hardly believe her own audacity. Here she was, robbing the corpses of the people she had just killed.

\- So, my Khajiit friend, Lydia grinned. - Now you even know how to pick locks.

She didn't answer because she didn't know how to defend herself. For years she had tried to convince Irileth to believe that she wasn't a thief or a murderer. And now, she ended up being both.

\- We'll keep this between us, like we agreed, Lydia calmed her and helped her to open the chest. - Well, not much of a treasure, she sighed as they started at a pile of dirty, worn clothes, old boots and fluffy hats. - Why did they even bothered to lock this?

\- There could be something among them, Sura said and started to rummage through the clothes. Soon, a bright smile rose to her face as she felt something hard against her hand. Two small gemstones sparkled on her palm. They looked at them exited, then at each other and at the same time they both burst out laughing like little girls that shared some precious, important secret.

\- You take the sapphire, Lydia breathed. - Blue goes better with your eyes.

\- I knew you would say that, Sura nodded. - And I know you like emeralds anyway.

She gave the green stone to Lydia. She lifted it up, against the light and looked thought it. - Let's keep these as memories. From this adventure. Years later, when I'm married and living in Solitude, all I need to do is look at this stone and it will remind me of our friendship.

Sura heard sadness in her voice and for the first time she understood clearly that Lydia didn't want to be married. It wasn't Hadvar, like she had said. But the idea of the marriage, to be bound to somewhere, to someone, the boring life as a housewife - that got to her. That frightened her.

But her father - the Jarl's younger brother - was a determined man and Lydia had never disobeyed him. Sura was almost sure that Hrongar didn't know his daughter's true feelings.

\- We better move on, Lydia said finally and she looked at Sura's basket. - Do you have everything now?

She nodded. The back wall of the cave was filled with glowing mushrooms and the ground was fertile and had more than one cluster of Bleeding Crown's. She had also picked some Imp Stools and White Caps, she remembered Farengar had run out of them just recently.

\- Are we going back the same way? Sura asked. - The tunnel seems to continue. It goes upwards so the other end of the cave might be somewhere higher.

\- What we do have to lose? Lydia said, tucked the emerald somewhere under her amour and pulled her sword out again. She looked up at the narrow cavern and turned at Sura who picked up her basket and dropped the sapphire among the flowers and mushrooms. - You better stay behind me again. The tunnel is quite narrow. I think it would be safer if you didn't use the flame spell this time.

\- Don't worry, Sura smiled. - I don't even have enough power now to bring up another burst. So, we are fully dependent on your sword now.

\- As long you stay behind me, there's nothing I can't handle, Lydia said. - Let's go then.

They entered the narrow path that lead upwards. It seemed to circle around the small stream that was running inside the mountain. The stone walls were filled with cracks and the water pushed its way through the rock and into the tunnel, making the path even more slippery and dangerous. At some points the ceiling was incredibly low and they had to crouch to be able to move forwards.

After some time the sound of water became louder and they could see some light at the end of tunnel. They both breathed deeply as they emerged from the small passage right next to a roaring waterfall that pummeled down the mountain side. They looked around, blinking their eyes in bright light. The ground was far below them and they could see across the Whiterun plains. From the wide stone ledge they still saw the shape of the Dragonsreach, its high towers and sturdy walls but the city of Whiterun was mostly obscured by the towering, snowy mountainside. Below them, little to the right, down by the river, was a small village that consisted of couple of wooden houses, a sawmill and an inn.

\- Riverwood, Lydia said. - So, we didn't end up that far after all.

\- Isn't Hadvar from Riverwood? Sura asked. - His uncle lives there, right?

\- Yes, he's the smith, Lydia nodded and grinned. - A nice man. If I wasn't marrying Hadvar, I could consider him as well.

\- You must be joking, Sura laughed. - Isn't he already married?

\- Yes, and his wife is incredibly jealous, Lydia said. - She always looks at me angrily and keeps telling me to stay away from her husband. Like I would actually dare to make a move towards him.

\- Well, then you have no chances with him, Sura stated mischievously. - You are going to have to settle for his nephew.

They looked around for an easy way to get to the ground level. They could see the rocky road underneath, but just ahead of them was a vertical cliff wall, they wouldn't be able to get down safely that way. The ledge arched slightly downwards in the right side and after they had checked all the other possibilities, they decided it was the safest way to go. Lydia offered to go first.

But she didn't have the chance to test their option when a massive roar shook the earth and the ground.

Shocked, they looked at each other. Neither of them had ever heard anything like it, such a powerful, such a terrifying sound. The echo of the roar traveled right through their bodies and into their bones. It made them both tremble from fear.

\- What was that? Lydia whispered and grabbed Sura's hand.

\- I don't know, she answered. - And where did it come from?

They raised their eyes to the sky, it was clear and blue. The forest around them had suddenly grown eerily quiet. They didn't hear the birds nor the crickets. It seemed that even the wind had quieted down. The loud drumming of the waterfall was the only voice they heard.

And when the roar came the second time, they clung to each other to safety and comfort and stepped back, behind the shadows of the fall. Whatever it was, they wished it wouldn't be able to find them.

\- Look, Lydia pointed to the distance. - Something is burning over there. Behind Riverwood.

\- What is going on? Sura wondered. - Isn't there one of those Imperial fortresses? Is that what's burning?

Suddenly, something blotted out the sun. They raised their eyes to see what had caused the sudden darkness. Above the forest, a massive lizard like creature was gliding in the air. All they could do was stare as the black figure swooped down, disappeared for a moment and then came back up. They could hear the voice its wings made, they saw the flames it breathed, how it rained destruction and death upon the already burning fortress.

\- What...? Lydia stuttered. - What is that thing?

\- It's no bird, that's for sure, Sura mumbled. - Could it be... a dragon?

\- A dragon? There hasn't been dragons in Skyrim for hundreds of years. It can't be! Lydia rubbed her eyes.

\- Well, what else is it then? Sura yelled. - It's burning down the fortress right before our eyes. There is no way that anyone could survive that.

\- We...we need to get back to Whiterun! Lydia decided. - The Jarl needs to know about this. If that...thing...attacks the city, who knows how many more people will die!


	6. What lies ahead

**6\. What lies ahead**

Vilkas was incredibly annoyed. He had been annoyed ever since Lydia the "Sword-Maiden"- _more like a chaperone, if you ask me_ \- had made her inappropriate appearance in the Jorrvaskr training yard. Vilkas didn't hate Lydia, he in fact liked the spunky girl, even though she could be rather meddlesome from time to time - _like today. _

Today, he had hated Lydia. For a short time.

It had been the closest he had ever gotten to Sura, because he had never assumed that the girl would be interested in him. But the idea that she could be, might end the torture he had been enduring for years.

He knew that his friends sometimes sneered at him, because most of the Companions knew about his prolonged affection towards the girl. He didn't mind their playful teasing, as long as it remained inside certain boundaries.

He wore his wolf armor, like any other day, and as he walked from the mead hall to the Market, he could feel people's eyes upon him. In Whiterun hold he had never received disregard or ignorance. He always tried his best to uphold the clear image and the honor of the Companions. And from their gazes, he knew they respected him and the beliefs he upheld.

But it was partly because of the honor and the courage, that more than one woman in Whiterun had tried to impose their daughters on to him over the years. And it was not always just the mothers. Most women, Nords, Bretons, Imperials, even some elves, were becoming more and more bold in their advances. And as time passed, he had gotten a certain reputation when it came to women.

He was handsome, he was attractive - but he could also be brutally cold and insensitive. Most women gave up after the first try and went to his brother instead.

Farkas happily accepted the company of the lovely ladies his brother turned down, the more the merrier. Vilkas knew more than one occasion where Farkas had gone to the Bannered Mare to spent the evening with Torvar and Skjor, and none of the three men rarely came back alone, if they came back at all. Since Kodlak Whitemane didn't approve half naked women walking back and forth in the halls of Jorrvaskr, they usually had their pleasures at the Bannered Mare. The innkeeper, Hulda, had gained lots of gold from the Companions. The harder the missions, the farther they needed to travel from Whiterun, the more fun they seemed to need after they came back. And Hulda always welcomed them with warm, clean beds and lots of ale and mead in her cabinets. If there weren't many women, there at least had to be some mead. Women knew Farkas as the stud, the man who never ran out of energy and could always please another woman only moments after the previous one had got out the door.

But with Vilkas, it was another story. He was a man, who only wanted one woman. In his youth, he had of course experienced many different embraces of many different women, but as he grew older, his mind turned to the one woman, to the one person he never though he could have.

_Until this afternoon_.

He fingers could still remember the soft fur of Sura's cheek and the excruciatingly intoxicating smell of lavender and tundra cottons still lingered around him. Even after he crossed the Market, he could still smell it. That was of course impossible, he knew it and his rational mind knew it. He tried to keep his mind clear of her and so he wandered into Belethor's General Goods.

Belethor usually had new and interesting books for sale that he hadn't read before. That was another thing the Companions sometimes teased him about. _The brains of the Ysgramor, indeed._

Despite the teasing, he was ready to fill his lonely evenings with books, one story after another until he was so tired he fell asleep with the book on his face. If he didn't read, he's mind would wonder off, somewhere in the quiet halls of the Dragonsreach.

\- Well, well, if it isn't it one of the Companions from Jorrvaskr? Belethor greeted him as he entered. - What can I do for you today?

\- Got any new books? he asked him and stepped in front of the counter.

\- There might be something in the back, Belethor smiled. - Hold on, I'll go check.

He disappeared in the backroom and Vilkas turned his attention to the shelves and boxes, which were filled with all kinds of stuff, from fox pelts to goat horns. Belethor even sold some weapons and Vilkas took a closer look at the iron swords that were placed in the weapon racks against the wall.

He heard the door open, glanced over his shoulder and saw two women enter the store. Yosolda, the future innkeeper, and Ahlam, the Redguard priestess from the Temple of Kynareth. They talked with hissing voices and he didn't care about their gossip, but as soon as he heard Sura's name, his hearing sharpened and he moved a little closer.

\- It is a little extraordinary that Idolaf wishes to marry her, Yosolda began. - But I see nothing wrong with it. If they indeed care for each other, and his family has nothing against it, why not marry.

\- You mean because she's a Khajiit, they wouldn't like the idea, Ahlam suggested.

\- We all know she is different, Yosolda said. - But I don't really understand why we are so suspicious of the Khajiit. They have never treated me unfairly.

\- Way I heard it, Olfrid himself wants Idolaf to marry Sura, Ahlam revealed and Yosolda gasped in surprise. - The Jarl hasn't decided with one way or another with this war, he thinks that if Idolaf is married to Sura, it may persuade him to side with the Empire.

\- So, it's a political scheme? Yosolda asked. - Because of the Empire.

\- Oh, sorry to take so long, Belethor suddenly appeared from the backroom. - Hello to you too, ladies. I'll be with you in a minute. Vilkas, here are the books you asked for.

Vilkas nodded and walked to the counter. He glanced the books superficially but none of the names stuck in his head. He was confused of the conversation he had just heard. First of all, he hadn't known that Sura had received an official marriage proposal. But the bigger question was..._had she agreed to marry him? _

He could feel anger and jealously lift their heads inside him, his hands clenched into tight fists and his eyes began to burn. He told himself to calm down, he had mastered the chancing process years ago and he knew very well when to unleash his inner beast and when to conceal it.

\- Found anything interesting? Belethor asked him.

\- Not this time, he stated. He could sense that the shopkeeper had grown a little nervous. So he forced himself to breathe deeply and push the animal back, deeper and deeper until he could feel no trace of its presence.

\- Well, maybe next time, Belethor stuffed the books under the counter and as Vilkas walked out, he turned his attention to the two women who were admiring some new shoes and dresses.

The fresh air helped him to clear his mind completely. He was thinking where he could find some more information concerning Idolaf Battle-Born and Sura. There was of course Idolaf's brother, Jon - _the loiterer _\- who spent his days in the Market, doing nothing apparently, because most of the time he just leaned against a wooden beam and stared at the sky. Vilkas considered asking him about it, but it would seem suspicious and strange. The Companions were never interested in common gossiping.

He knew that Farkas and Torvar were heading to the Bannered Mare later in the evening. And Hulda knew everything that was happening in Whiterun. All he needed to do was ask his brother to present a few well placed questions to Hulda and she would be more than happy to tell what was really happening. Of course, he would have to bear his brother's sarcastic grin but it was only Farkas after all.

He started to make his way back to Jorrvaskr when he heard frantic voices and yells from the city gate. Whiterun was the city of the Companions, it was part of their duty to defend her walls. He didn't hesitate as he released the leather straps the held his sword in place. He didn't pull it out yet as not to injure the townsfolk but if need be, it would be in his hands in mere seconds.

Lots of people were gathered at the gate and he could barely see what was causing such commotion. But as he saw a glimpse the white fur - _Sura's fur _\- he pushed his way forward. When he saw them clearly, the first thing he noticed was the blood.

Lydia was covered in dried blood. It was in her face, her amour and in her hair.

\- What has happened? he demanded and the two exhausted women looked up at him.

\- The Jarl...Sura panted. - We need to talk to the Jarl.

\- Are you hurt? Vilkas asked and quickly pulled her closer, spun her around and searched for telltale signs of wounds and cuts. His bounding heart settled only when he realized she was uninjured. By then she was already in his arms and if there hadn't been so many people around them, he would have held on to her a little longer.

\- Let's go, Lydia said. - Something terrible has happened.

\- What do you mean? Vilkas asked.

\- Come with us to the Dragonsreach, Sura said and grabbed his hand. She was still exhausted from their hurried return and amazed about what they had seen. But his presence here, his concern for her, warmed her heart and made her bolder. It was a strangely familiar feeling, to be suddenly able to hold his hand. It was warm and her small fingers wrapped around his. - The Companions need to know about it too.

* * *

As they entered the Dragonsreach, the Jarl, Irileth, Hrongar and Proventus Avenicci were having a meeting. They turned their heads when the doors opened and shock and amazement shone from their faces. Hrongar, Jarl Balgruuf's younger brother, Lydia's father, was especially horrified to see his daughter in such a shape.

\- Lydia! Hrongar ran to her. - What has happened to you?

\- What? Lydia looked at his father and only then she remembered her appearance. Even Sura hadn't mentioned that she was still covered by the blood of the bandit who's head she had cut off. Confused and slightly embarrassed, she wiped her cheek and felt the lumps in her hair.

\- Speak, child! Hrongar said. - Why do you look so devastated?

\- Hrongar, the Jarl stood up from his chair. - Give her a little space and time to explain. Now, children. What has happened?

\- My Jarl, Lydia stuttered. - There is something happening in the mountains beyond Riverwood.

\- Riverwood? The Jarl asked. - Weren't you two suppose to stay on the plains? How come you went to the mountains? You should know better...

\- My Jarl, Sura interrupted him. - We saw a dragon.

The longhouse grew silent. The guards, even the servant maids, who were sweeping the stairs of the reach, stopped their work and raised their eyes. The Jarl looked at his younger brother and disbelief and astonishment ranged in their faces.

\- A dragon? Jarl Balgruuf finally said. - That's impossible. The dragons are dead. Have been dead for a long time.

\- It was burning down the Imperial fortress near Riverwood, Lydia confirmed.

\- Helgen? Hrongar asked. - Now why would a dragon attack there?

\- If this is true, Vilkas finally said. - If the dragons have returned, then you must send some men to the nearby villages, my Jarl. You cannot endanger people's lives.

\- Hold on, Proventus Avenicci raised his hands. - We don't even know if it's true what these girls are telling us. Maybe they saw a big bird or a cloud formation or...

\- We know what we saw, Lydia stated and her voice was steady and convincing. - It was no bird nor a cloud. It was spewing fire, burning everything in its path. It is a miracle if someone survived.

\- Hmm, the Jarl stroked his beard. - This is indeed worrying news.

He walked back to his chair, sat down and deep thoughts clouded his eyes. Finally he turned to his Dunmer bodyguard.

\- Irileth, send someone to Riverwood, he said. - One man is enough. If a dragon has indeed attacked Helgen, the people of the village must know about it.

\- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed and dismissed herself.

\- Kodlak Whitemane and the Companions also need to know about this, Jarl Balgruuf said to Vilkas. - I believe I can trust you not to spread this around the city. No need to stir panic among the people if this turns out to be nothing at all.

Vilkas nodded. - You have my word. And if the city gets attacked, the Companions will defend her to the last man. He bowed to the Jarl, looked at Sura one last time, then turned and headed towards the door.

The Jarl turned his attention to the two girls who still stood ahead of him. He didn't want to suspect their words, but a dragon - that sounded way too difficult to believe.

\- Sura, Lydia, he started and his voice was soft and gentler now. - You both look tired. Go clean yourselves and join us later for dinner. We'll talk more then.

* * *

Later that evening, when the darkness had already covered the plains of Whiterun and clouds shrouded the sky, Sura stood in the great porch of the Dragonsreach. The city was ominously quiet even though it was quite early in the evening.

They had all dined earlier, sitting in the great tables of the longhouse but the Jarl hadn't asked anything about the dragon. Instead he had directed the conversation to a different topic and tormented Lydia - without knowing it of course - with questions about her future wedding and marriage. Lydia answered calmly and her composure didn't give away her true feelings. Sura expected that the Jarl would also bring up the two proposal concerning her, but he never mentioned them.

As she was standing out here now, she heard the big wooden doors crack open. She didn't need to turn around because she recognized the Jarl's footsteps. He stood next to her for a moment, looked into the dark sky and sighed.

\- It seems that Skyrim is in turmoil these days. This land has become a dangerous place. The war is tearing it apart. Brothers turn against each other and fathers kill their own sons in the battlefields. Bandits roam the countryside and the travelers are in constant danger. And now...even dragons...

The war had taken its toll. It had affected the land but also its people. Sura saw some deep wrinkles in his face that she hadn't noticed before. The Jarl was still a handsome man, but even he was growing older.

\- In your eyes, I look tired and old, don't I? he said and she lowered her gaze. - Yes, there comes a time when I join my brothers in Sovngarde. But don't worry, I intent to live through these troubled times and see a day when this city and this land are both safe again.

\- I think Whiterun is the safest city in Skyrim, Sura whispered. - We have Commander Caius in the charge of our city's defense. And we have the Companions and they have promised to defend this city and its people. And we also have the greatest Jarl in all of the holds, she looked at him and saw a smile rise on his face. - Who would dare the threaten this city?

\- You flatter me, the Jarl laughed. - But I like it. I don't get to hear genuine words too often.

The stood in silence for a moment. The clouds were breaking apart and she saw a glimpse of the night sky, filled with bright, sparkling stars.

\- I hope this city will remain safe, the Jarl began. - But I also wish to guarantee the safety of those who are dearest to me. I'm not sure if you've heard, but two men from Whiterun has offered marriage to you.

Sura winced. She didn't know what to say. If she would refuse, she felt like she was letting the Jarl down. Disappointing him was the worst thing she could imagine. But agreeing to marry one of the two men didn't seem possible either. For her heart already belonged to someone else.

\- To this day, you have not found your real family, the Jarl continued. - And if you never find them, I only hope that you have another family that you can lean to. If there is no one to be found, no parents, no brothers or sisters, why not form your own family.

\- I have heard about the proposal, Sura nodded. - Lydia told me.

\- You know I won't force you to marry anyone and it is not in my power to give you away, you are free to decide your own fate, the Jarl said. - I instructed them to seek you out and ask from you personally. Honestly, it's hard for me to image you being a wife of the merchant, Belethor. And what comes to Idolaf Battle-Born...well, he's a strong man and he would be able to protect you, that much is certain.

\- Yes, he is very strong and vigorous, Sura agreed.

\- Not that you seem to need any protection these days, the Jarl stated and when Sura raised her eyes, a knowing smile rippled in his face. Without a word, he pulled out a heavy coin purse and placed it in front of her to the wooden railing. - Here, he said.

\- What is this for? Sura asked.

\- Those bandits, I had placed a reward on their head, the Jarl sneered. - And I sent a mercenary after them. But as she entered the cave, all of the bandits were already dead and she saw two giggling girls in the middle of the carnage. She was able to describe you and Lydia to me in detail.

Sura gasped and felt herself embarrassed and shameful at the same time. She knew very well that the Jarl didn't want her or Lydia anywhere near danger, he always reminded them of Giant camps and ordered them to stay away. But now, they had not only broke their promise but were caught red handed.

\- You two deserve this reward money, the Jarl finally said. - But this is the only time I'll let something like this happen. My brother Hrongar has already lost his wife, he doesn't deserve to lose his daughter as well. And as for you - you know well enough how dear you are to me.

His words warmed her heart and as he turned, she grabbed his hand and for the first time in all the years, she hugged him. She couldn't see how tears glistened in the Jarl's eyes but she felt his warm, strong hands around her and she knew that if something were to happen to this man - _this only father she had_ \- she wouldn't be able to survive it.

\- There, there, the Jarl patted her head softly. He smiled to her and was about to go back inside, when she stopped him again.

\- My Jarl, she started. - I wish you wouldn't tell anything about what happened to Farengar. He would skin me alive if he knew about the destruction spells...

\- We all have our little secrets, Jarl Balgruuf smiled. - I promise, this will stay between us. But I also hope that in the future you concentrate more on the healing spells and not so much on destruction.

She nodded eagerly and the Jarl's warm laugher echoed thorough the porch as he walked back inside.


	7. A man who can't be moved

**7\. A man who can't be moved**

A week later Sura was at the Market District, when a stranger entered the city. The reason she noticed him so quickly was because he was a Khajiit. But he wasn't a trader nor with the caravans. He didn't look like a wealthy or important man but still he was allowed inside the city walls without questions.

Sura had just been at Arcadia's Cauldron. Farengar and Arcadia occasionally exchanged some of the ingredients they had, and the court wizard had sent her down to the Market to get some void salts from Arcadia. She stopped for a moment to talk with Fralia at her jewelry stand. She had split the reward money with Lydia and now they both had over 250 gold coins each. But Sura still hadn't been able to buy the gorgeous sapphire necklace from Fralia.

She was about to head back towards the reach, when she saw him for the first time. A male Khajiit. Much taller and much stronger than she was.

His fur was thick and almost completely black. There were some grey stripes, few in his bare arms and some in his tail. He was wearing a brown leather armor but he had cut off the sleeves and his muscular arms were filled with scars and marks. The most noticeable and gruesome sign was a long, ragged wound in his arm, that hadn't yet completely healed. It reached from his right shoulder almost all the way down to his wrist. It looked painful and the blood red skin shone grotesquely between the black fur.

He didn't look around and he ignored everyone. Yosolda, who spent most of her days at the market, greeted him, but he passed her by without saying a word, without even looking at her. It was like he was blind to everything around him. He headed towards the Wind District and strode up the stairs quickly and efficiently.

Sura hurried after him because something about the man interested her. He wasn't very attractive, in fact, to her eyes, he was rather ugly. As she followed him from a distance, she could tell that he wasn't in a good mood. His tale swiped back and forth very aggressively, his ears were drawn back and she could imagine him growling and baring his teeth to anyone who would dare to approach or talk to him.

He didn't stop at the Wind District, ignored the guards and Heimskr, who was once again at his old post, praising Talos and mocking the elves. He didn't slow down at the stairs either and Sura was gasping for air as she ran after him. She kept her eyes in her feet, she was wearing a long dress and she had to be careful not to stumble on the hem as she hurried along.

He continued his way to the Dragonsreach without stopping, without saying anything to anyone. He pushed the doors open and was immediately surrounded by the guards and Irileth. The Dunmer pulled out her sword and walked closer to the Khajiit, who still showed utmost contempt and disdain to the people around him. Irileth didn't care about Sura, so she snuck up the stairs and stood in the shadow of one of the wooden pillars, where she could see and hear everything perfectly.

\- What's the meaning of this interruption? The Jarl doesn't accept visitors, Irileth said and her red eyes were gleaming dangerously.

\- I have nothing to say to you, Dunmer, the Khajiit answered. His voice was low and raspy. - I'll only speak to the Jarl.

\- You will answer when I ask - _cat_! Iritelth growled and raised her sword against his neck.

The male Khajiit didn't seem to be bothered nor afraid by her attitude or her sword. He only sneered, took few steps forward and when the blade brushed against his neck, a small trail of blood ran down his skin.

\- Back off! one of the guards yelled, pulled out his sword and was ready to strike him down when the Jarl's voice came deep and powerful from the other side of the hall.

\- Put down your swords! he bellowed. - You too, Irileth!

\- My Jarl, it is my responsibility to protect you, Irileth refused to back away. - From all and any threats.

\- Let him through! the Jarl commanded.

Irileth frowned unhappily, but lowered her weapon. As the Khajiit stepped forward, she hurried right next to the Jarl and kept her weapon ready to strike. She hated it when the Jarl placed himself willingly in danger. If it was up to her, this strange wild animal should have been thrown to the Dragonsreach dungeon and only days later, they might have asked him what he wanted. But now - he seemed very capable and very powerful.

Sura was watching behind the wooden pillars and was taken aback by this man's courage. Was it courage or stupidity? No one before him had the bravery to stand against Irileth. And if the Jarl hadn't called his men away, this Khajiit would be dead already, she was sure of it.

\- What can I do for you, friend? Jarl Balgruuf asked.

\- I come from Riverwood, he said after a while. The word "_friend_" seemed to irritate him. - Alvor, the smith sent me. A dragon has attacked Helgen. Riverwood needs more men.

\- A dragon? In Helgen? the Jarl repeated and looked at his brother. - By Ysmir, then it is true...

\- Are the people in Riverwood safe? Hrongar asked from the Khajiit. He nodded.

So it wasn't an illusion, Sura thought. It wasn't some foreign magic either. What she and Lydia had seen was real. But how did this man know about it? Surely he couldn't have been at Helgen, witnessing the situation, could he?

\- And how do you know about it? the Jarl asked his visitor. - Are you sure it wasn't some Stormcloack raid gone wrong or...?

\- I was at Helgen when it happened, he answered. - I was to be executed.

As soon as he said those words, Irileth pulled out her sword and stepped closer to the Jarl. The sharp blade was once again pointed towards the male Khajiit. He crossed his arms and a derisive smile rose on his face.

\- Are you willing to finish the job, Dunmer? he asked Irileth. - Give it your best shot.

\- Enough! Jarl Balgruuf commanded. - Irileth, lower your sword.

\- This cat is a criminal scum, Irileth stated. - He should not be here at all.

\- He has done us a service, the Jarl said and stood up from his chair. - Without him we wouldn't know what is happening. Now, put the sword away, Irileth. We need to send some troops to Riverwood.

\- My Jarl, Proventus Avenicci stepped forward. - If we sent more men, the Jarl in Falkreath might think it as provocation. He'll assume we are preparing to join Ulfric and attack him.

\- The safety of my people is more important now! Jarl Balgruuf bellowed. Then he turned to Irileth. - Send a detachment to Riverwood at once.

\- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed. For a moment she stayed at the Jarl's side, still eyeing suspiciously at the male Khajiit. But the urgency of the situation commanded her to move and reluctantly she left to carry out her duties.

The steward also paid his respects and returned to his post. The only people that remained in the longhouse was the Jarl, his brother and the male Khajiit.

\- You have done a great service to Whiterun and to its people, the Jarl stood up and studied his guest with interested eyes. - I won't soon forget it. I would like to offer you some kind of reward.

\- No need, the Khajiit answered. - I paid my dept.

\- Nonsense, the Jarl said. – You earn a reward for what you have done. Now, would you please tell me in detail what happened at Helgen? the Jarl sat back down on his chair. - How did your survive the dragon attack?

\- I was rescued by an Imperial, the Khajiit said. It didn't seem like he wanted to explain his escape any further. - Hadvar. His uncle is the smith in Riverwood.

\- Hadvar?! Hrongar exclaimed. - By the Gods! He was at Helgen too! Is he alright?

The Khajiit nodded. He continued his story, using short sentences and never revealing anything about himself. When he mentioned Ulfric Stormcloack, the Jarl sighed.

\- Ulfric, he murmured. - So, the Empire almost got him. If he had died, this war would be over. But - he got away?

He nodded. Nothing in his voice gave away his real feelings, but from her viewpoint, Sura noticed that as he mentioned Ulfric Stormcloack, his tail began to move more frantically and his body stiffened. Either he didn't like the rebellion leader or he admired him greatly.

\- Well, I'm glad that Hadvar and you got out alive, the Jarl nodded. - You don't need to worry about the war, it's in the hands of our generals and soldiers. But there is something...would I be allowed to know your name, traveler?

He didn't use the word friend anymore. The Khajiit stood silent for a moment. Then, he finally said: - J'Ziir.

\- Yes, J'Ziir, he said. - You seem to be a very talented man. If you would be willing to help some of my people...

\- I don't have time to help, J'Ziir said. - I didn't come here to help. I don't care about your country or your people. I'm not going to stay in your city for long.

\- Where are you headed? the Jarl inquired and ignored his harsh words. - Not that it's any of my business, but...

\- There are some things I need to...take care of, J'Ziir answered. - In Windhelm.

\- Windhelm? Hrongar spat the word out. - They won't let your kind inside the city walls. They only love Nords up in Windhelm.

\- Then the situation in no different from here, the Khajiit answered. Anger momentarily sparkled in the Jarl eyes. - Or am I wrong?

\- What do you intend to do? Join the Stormcloakcs? Jarl Balgruuf asked. - Didn't you just say you don't care about this country.

J'Ziir didn't answer. He wasn't obligated to explain his intentions. He was already annoyed at what had happened at Helgen - _when he had been so close to his goal_ \- and now this Jarl - _this Nord_ \- pretended like he cared for his kind. True, there seemed to be one Khajiit woman living in the city, but she was probably just a servant. Even now that irritating girl was hiding and eavesdropping behind one of the wooden pillars.

\- The Stormcloacks won't allow any other race in their forces but Nords, Hrongar knew. - So, even if you go there to join, they will probably just run you out of town.

\- I met Ulfric Stormcloack in Helgen, J'Ziir said. - He will remember me.

\- Do as you see best, Jarl Balgruuf said. - But before you leave my city, I will ask you to speak to my court wizard. If for no other reason, the least he can do is give you some relief for the pain. That wound looks very sore.

The Jarl stood us, nodded at him and then he and his brother exited the hall. Sura also backed away and entered Farengar's workroom. She was sure he had heard everything even though he hadn't moved from his laboratory.

\- Did you bring me the void salts? the wizard asked. Sura nodded and placed the satchel on the table. Then she went to her room, opened her small chest and picked up a red vial. She hurried back and was surprised to see the male Khajiit standing in the doorway. She was sure that he had already managed to slip away from the reach.

She could see the pain in his eyes even though he tried his best to hide it. She didn't hesitate. She walked to him and handed him the vial.

\- Here, she said. - This will help. It will ease the pain, sterilize the wound and heal it faster.

\- I heard that you are a capable man, Farengar cleared his throat. - Maybe you can help me with something.

\- Don't think so, the Khajiit said. He still hadn't accepted the potion from Sura.

\- I understand that this might come out as very unexpected, Farengar continued. - But allow me to explain. I've been doing a research about the dragons for quite some time now. Yes, there have been rumors before this attack. You see, there is this stone tablet that I need in order to continue my studies. It's called the Draongstone. I'm not quite sure if it's actually in Bleak Falls Barrow but...

\- Not interested, J'Ziir snapped, turned to Sura, grabbed the potion and left the room. Farengar still tried to say something but as the heavy wooden doors closed, it was already too late.

As he walked down the steep, stone stairs, he squeezed the vial in his hand. He wanted to throw it away, he didn't want the pity or compassion of these people. As he passed the big tree in the middle of the Wind District, he nevertheless tucked the potion in his pocket.

He looked around the Market District, darkness had already fallen over the city and all the stands were closed. He recognized the inn by the loud voices and as he opened the door, he readied himself once again to feel their judgmental gazes. The inn was surprisingly vacant, only few people occupied the place and no one raised their eyes when the door slammed shut behind him. Only the innkeeper looked up and welcomed the guest.

\- Need a room or some food maybe? she asked him. - Or did you just come to drink?

\- The room, J'Ziir said. - How much?

\- Ten gold, she replied. - That includes a warm bath, clean sheet and a good night's sleep. And don't mind Mikael, he will stop singing when his voice gets too hoarse.

\- Deal, he said and counted the coins. He was mildly surprised by her attitude. She was friendly and treated him like any other quest in the inn.

\- Your room is upstairs, she swiped the gold in her hand and tucked them under the counter. - I'll bring you some warm water.

\- Bring some food as well, he placed a few more coins on the counter.

She smiled and nodded. He turned, looked around for a moment and then headed upstairs. His arm was now aching and throbbing. He could barely move his hand without grimacing and he realized his fingers were starting to feel numb. The room was clean and simple, it had a big bed and a small inner balcony. He sat down on the bed and tried to move his fingers. His thump was moving fine but the index finger and the middle finger were stiff and rigid. When he moved his little finger, hot flames of pain shot up his arm and shoulder. He grit his teeth, closed his eyes and waited for the pain to pass. _You have been though much more than this_, he told himself. _And you have always survived. _

Someone knocked lightly on the door and when the innkeeper came in with a tray filled with food and drink, his face remained motionless. She clapped her hands and two men carried in a large bathtub and poured many buckets of warm water in it. They left one bucket of cold water beside it, in case the water was too hot.

\- That looks painful, the innkeeper said while she organized the food on the small table. - I could call the priestess from the Temple of Kynareth. They are able to help you.

\- No need, he huffed. - I'll be fine.

\- Alright, she nodded. - Just call me when you're done and I'll tell the men to come and take out the bathtub.

He nodded and a moment later he was alone in the room once more. He looked at the steaming bathtub and wondered when was the last time he'd had a bath. Long before Helgen, that's for sure. He started to remove his armor but the pain in his arm caused him to moan. The small, red vial rolled down to the floor from his pocket.

He picked it up and thought what the girl had said. "_It will ease the pain and help the wound heal faster._" Why had she given it to him? He unscrewed the cork and smelled the liquid inside. The scent was amiable and kind of flowery. He didn't recognize the flower but his nose didn't pick up any unfamiliar odors either. Fine, he thought. Let's see does it help at all. He poured the potion in his mouth, swallowed it and waited for the effect.

Almost immediately he could feel a strong, warm feeling that surround his arm. The pain subsided and as he watched, the skin around the wound began to heal and mend itself. The lacerations closed down, the blood vessels stitched together and in mere moments the only visible thing left was a large, pale scar. He moved his arm and his fingers but could only feel a slight discomfort in his shoulder now. That's some powerful stuff you have there, little kitty, he thought as he removed his cuirass and his pants.

He sighed deeply as the warm water surrounded his body. His closed his eyes and immediately, the memories rushed back. He didn't need to call them or dig for them, they were always there, in the back of his head. All he needed to do, was open the door. The Khajiit girl in the Dragonsreach reminded him of Zahraji. She had the same deep, blue eyes. As soon as he remembered her, he remembered his purpose. The reason he had come to this wretched land.

His anger crew and his hate towards this land and its people momentarily clouded his mind. He had been so close, so close to his goal. But both times, something had gone wrong. The first time, the Imperials got involved and the second time, it was the Imperials again - and a damn dragon. But if it wasn't for the dragon, he would have died long before the man he wanted to kill.

He'd had his chance in the midst of the chaos, when _his_ bodyguard had dragged him to nearest keep. His hands were still tied, and he had calculated that the odds were against him. He wouldn't have time to rip the man's throat open and be sure that he was dead. It would take more than claws to finish him off. So, he was ready to wait.

Wait for the perfect moment. If they would allow him to join and he would gain their trust...well, then it should be easy to just cut his throat and be done with it. He wouldn't let eagerness, optimism or impatience mess up his plans. Not this time. He had made the wrong decisions last time and the Imperials had caught him and almost chopped his head off.

Windhelm was far away from Whiterun. He needed some money, new armor and better weapons. He had not forgotten what Farengar had proposed to him earlier in the evening, his memory didn't allow him to forget things.

_Fine_, he thought. He would get the stone tablet to the wizard. And if it really was as important as he made it sound, he would be willing to pay a fair amount of gold for it.


	8. The note

**8\. The note**

Incredibly, Sura was having a free day. She didn't have anything to do. Farengar didn't need her help and Eorlund wasn't at the Skyforge that day. Most of the Companions were also gone from Jorrvaskr, Sura only saw Vignar as she crossed the Wind District. She heard that Lydia was at the guard barracks, near the front gates. It seemed that Commander Caius was once again trying to get her to join the Whiterun guards. Lydia had trained with them and Commander Caius had personally trained her for the past few years, whenever he had the time. He saw potential in her.

She passed the Market and headed towards the guards barrack. She stopped to greet the guard who was on duty that day and he told her that Lydia wasn't at the barracks after all. She and her father had gone to Riverwood to meet Hadvar. They were naturally worried about him, since he had been at Helgen and survived. Sura imagined that Hrongar was more than interested to hear his side of the story and maybe get little more information about the male Khajiit, _J'Ziir_, that Hadvar had rescued.

Sura walked on, she didn't go back to the Market but instead climbed the stairs to the Wind District that were carved in stone next to the Drunken Huntsman. She greeted Carlotta's daughter, Mila, who was hurrying to play with Lars. Sura smiled and remembered clearly that she had played tag only with Lydia when they were children.

She turned to move on and was suddenly standing face to face with the other one of her suitors, Idolaf Battle-Born. He was - like always - wearing his Imperial armor, bracers, boots and his sword. He was muscular and strong, he had blond hair and beard and his eyes were inquisitive, but kind.

\- Hello, he greeted. - It's been some time since I saw you last. You are a hard woman to find.

\- I haven't been hiding, she replied. - If you wanted to see me, you knew where to find me.

\- True, but I don't come to the Skyforge, he said and his voice grew a little colder.

\- Well, I'm not always there, Sura stated. - Like today. So, if you have something to say, why don't you say it now.

\- Now? he suddenly seemed almost embarrassed. - Here, on the street?

\- Does it make a difference where we talk? she asked, because she knew exactly what he wanted to know and to talk about.

\- Alright then, he agreed. - I'm sure the Jarl has already conveyed my intentions to you. He told me to speak to you about it. I can assure you that if you are willing to marry me, I can provide you a good life. You will never have the need for anything and I will always keep you safe.

_Not a word about love or affection_, Sura thought sadly. But of course, people in Skyrim rarely considered love when they looked for an appropriate mate.

\- Why do you wish to marry me? she asked him finally.

\- Why? Idolaf repeated confused and Sura saw that if he had any love towards her, it would have been his obvious answer. "_Because I love you"_. That's what he should have said. Then, she might have even considered his proposal. But to enter a loveless marriage for politics, that didn't make sense to her.

\- Why not? Idolaf uttered. - You are a beautiful woman. And the Jarl favors you.

Was that really it? she thought. The Jarl favors me? That's the only reason you want to marry me? She breathed deeply and was ready to give him an answer, but before she could open his mouth, he lowered his hand on her shoulder.

\- You don't have to answer immediately, he spoke silently. - I understand, women always consider these things, the benefits and the possible losses. But if you think about it carefully, I'm sure you'll see in the end that by marrying into my family, you'll get more good things than you lose.

He patted her shoulder, smiled and walked on. Sura looked after him for a while, until he disappeared between the houses and down the stairs. There was nothing passionate about him, at least when it came to his feelings towards her. He had patted her shoulder like she was his friend, his brother - not the woman he would like to make his own.

Sura looked at the house, where the Battle-Borns lived. It was big and luxurious but it looked nothing like a home. It was kind of scary and intimidating, like all their wealth and money. She would have settled for a small cottage and a poorer lifestyle if it was with someone she truly cherished and loved.

She walked on and hoped that she wouldn't meet the other one of her suitors too, but Belethor was busy man and he never closed his shop during the day. She had intentionally avoided his presence in the last few days. She didn't want to hear what his reasons were for wanting to marry her.

She stopped and sat down on a bench, under the withering Gildergreen. The tree never had any leaves and its empty, white branches made her even more sad. She looked towards Jorrvaskr. Eorlund wasn't at the forge, but did it mean that she should stay clear of it as well.

She was pleased that she had now a purpose, something to do, this day would have been endless if she would have to just sit around and walk back and forth in the city. She stood up and climbed the stairs to Jorrvaskr. She was heading towards the forge and when a busy looking man ran to her and handed her a note.

\- Here, the courier said. - This is for the Companions.

\- But, I'm not...

\- This is Jorrvaskr, right? he asked and when she nodded, he was content. - The right place then. Sorry, I'm really busy. I need to be in Markarth tomorrow morning and it's already late afternoon. Got to go.

He ran down the stairs and was out of sight before she could say anything else. The note he had given her was meant for the Companions of Whiterun. She shrugged her shoulders, it would be enough if she took it in and gave it someone. It's not like they didn't like her presence in Jorrvaskr.

When she was younger, she liked to listen to Vignar and the stories of his youth. He was good at telling tales and he almost always spiced them up a little, so there were lots of exaggeration but also real situations, all tied together by his good imagination. Aela had also offered to teach her archery, but to this day, she didn't have the chance to take up on her offer. Today would have been the perfect day, if she had been in Whiterun. She opened the wooden poor and peeked inside the mead hall. It was empty and quiet. The huge tables were filled with food and drink and the massive fire pit was smouldering so it hadn't been that long since someone had been there. She looked around for a moment and finally found Vignar from his room. He was polishing his leather boots and when Sura handed the note to him, he shrugged his shoulder but didn't accept it.

\- Don't give it to me, he said. - You know my memory isn't what it used to be. I might just stuck it somewhere and forget it all together.

\- But there's no one else here, she said. - And if I leave to the table, it might fall to the floor and the outcome would be the same.

\- Vilkas is here, Vignar spat on his boot. – He is downstairs, in his room. Take it to him, he knows what to do.

\- There's really no one else here? she asked and suddndly her heart was beating uncomfortably hard. To go down to his room, _his bedroom_...

\- Well, there's Tilma, but I can't image giving it to her makes any difference, Vignar grunted. - Go on now. I have things to do.

He practically pushed her out of the room, slammed the door shut and she glanced towards the other side of the hall. Large, wooden stairs led to another area, in the Jorrvaskr living quarters. Fine, she thought. I only need to go there, give it to him and get out. That's all.

Determined, she walked across the mead hall and down the stairs. She had been in the living quarters only couple of times. Once with Aela, when she wanted to show her priceless elven bow, which she kept in a locked display in her room. The other time was with Ria, when she had had a little too much to drink and Sura had escorted her back to Jorrvaskr. Back then Ria had confessed to her, that she had a mild crush on Athis. Sura was almost sure that Ria didn't remember telling her that and Athis still had no idea of her feelings.

The long hallway was as empty as the upstairs mead hall. She knew that Ria, Njada, Torvar and Athis slept in the first rooms but Aela, Skjor, Farkas and Vilkas had their own rooms a little further down the hallway. The last room belonged to the Harbinger, Kodlak Whitemane. His door was never open and she had never been in there.

At the end of the hallway, she stopped for a moment and turned to right. His door was closed and her heart was beating way too fast for her to hear anything else. Silently, she walked to the door, raised her hand and knocked.

\- Yes, his voice grunted from inside the room and carefully she opened the door.

It was a simple and convenient room with a bed, a table and some bookshelves. As soon as she entered, he stood up from the bed, where he had been reading a book. He wasn't wearing his armor, he had dark trousers and a white, clean shirt. His hair looked damp, like he had just taken a bath. He looked surprised to see her.

\- Sura...he mumbled her name - _softly, gently, quietly _\- and she had to clear her throat to get the words out.

\- This was given to me by a courier, she handed the note to him. - It is meant for the Companions of Jorrvaskr.

\- Let's hear it then, he closed the book and looked at her. - Read it to me.

\- Read it? she uttered. - But...I can't read.

He looked at her with disbelief in his face. - That can't be true, he said. - You have lived your whole life in Dragonsreach, among the Jarl's children. And you are also Farengar's apprentice. How can you not read?

\- Well, I can't, she said sternly and placed the note on his table. - I have lived in the Dragonsreach, but I am not one of the Jarl's children.

\- Everyone should be able to read and write, he commented, grabbed the note and read it. He frowned and she looked at him worried.

\- Is something wrong? she asked.

\- It seems some bears are causing problems near Ivarstead, they are disturbing the local saw mill owner and many people have been injured, Vilkas explained. - Aela needs to know about this. She usually handles the beast problems.

\- But she's not here now, Sura said. - And the people need help. Can't you go yourself?

\- Almost all beasts in Skyrim are dangerous and unpredictable, Vilkas frowned. - But bears especially. During the mating season the males are frantic and ferocious. It would be foolish to go alone.

\- Well, that's true, Sura nodded. - It would be terrible, if... she paused and cleared her throat. - ...if someone was injured.

He folded the note and placed it on his table. As he turned to look at her again, she was staring at his armor. He had taken it off, cleaned it and oiled it. Now it hanged on a stand which was particularly made for the purpose. She raised her hand and touched the wolf head carefully.

\- What does it mean? she looked at him curiously. - What does it symbolize?

\- The wolf? he walked to her. - The wolves of Skyrim are like no other animals. They are strong, durable, wise. They live in packs. They take care of each other, they hunt together. They are a family, like the Companions.

Sura looked at him. His voice was warm and passionate and she could have listened to him for hours. His family meant a lot to him, his brothers and sisters, they were all here, under the same roof. He never needed to ask for their love or help, he had earned it just by being here and doing what he did best. He was one of the leaders of the pack and others respected and listened to him.

\- It's a good choice, Sura whispered.

\- Yes, he nodded. - They are a close family. And they also mate for life.

When he said that, her hand suddenly felt like it was burning. And it wasn't only her hand. Her whole body became incredibly warm and she had to take few steps back.

\- Well, that's quite hard to believe, she eventually managed to mutter. - When you look at Farkas...

\- True, Vilkas chuckled. - But I think he's an exception. Every pack needs one wild and completely brainless being. So life doesn't get too boring.

They both laughed out loud. Sura found it very easy. She hadn't known that Vilkas had sense of humor, he always seemed to serious and solemn. But she had never seen him without his armor either and this ordinary, accessible man was a stranger to her. A stranger, but an interesting, fascinating stranger. This was a part of him that she wanted to get to know.

He looked at her and enjoyed the sound of her laughter. Unlike the other Khajiits, her voice wasn't husky or rough. It was lighter, clearer. Like everything about her. Light, clear, small, precious. He wished she could remain longer.

\- Would you...like to learn to read? he suddenly asked from her.

\- You would teach me? Sura looked at him amazed. - Now?

\- I have some time now, yes, Vilkas nodded. - Of course I won't expect you to learn in one evening. You can come back when we both have some time.

She smiled to him and nodded. Her blue eyes were sparkling and Vilkas was surprised that she had agreed to his suggestion. He only wanted to keep her beside him for a little longer and teaching was the first thing he had thought about.

\- Let's see then, he turned towards his bookshelf. - We should start off with something easy. You should learn the letters first and only then we can start modifying the words and sentences.

\- You're the teacher, she said happily and as he glanced over his shoulder, she hid her hands behind her back and only smiled at him. She looked incredibly cute in her blue dress and black shoes. He would have wanted to walk up to her, pull her in his arms and hold her for the rest of his life. Instead he took few books from the shelf, walked to his table and placed them there. He pulled out two chairs and asked her to sit to the other one. He could sense her lavender scent as she sat down. They were so close that their knees touched. She blinked her eyes, pulled her chair a little back and then concentrated on books ahead of her.

He started with the letters, he showed her every one, how they were written and what sound did they make. With every letter he asked her to repeat the sound and presented and example. He wanted her to learn the sound of the letter but also its difference when it was used in a word. He paid attention to the vowels and the consonants and emphasized their dissimilarities. She listened to him intently and had no difficulties remembering the letters. After all, there were only 26 of them. Farengar often needed her to remember many more ingredients and when there were over 50, she started having trouble. But this - this seemed rather easy. And she liked the way he explained everything. When he asked did she remember any of the letters, she named them all without hesitation. He looked at her bewildered.

\- Were...were some of them wrong? she asked him.

\- No, no, they were all correct, Vilkas said. - I was just wondering how were you able to remember them all so quickly?

\- My memory works like that, she explained. - Whatever I see and hear, I can remember it instantly.

\- That's amazing, he smiled. - So there is really nothing in your life that you wouldn't remember. Every little detail, you can remember it all.

Momentarily sadness covered her eyes and she pulled back. He wasn't sure what he had said, but it was obviously something that had upset her.

\- So, you don't know, Sura looked at him.

\- Know what? he asked.

\- How do you think I ended up here? she said. - In Whiterun. Can you remember when you first saw me?

\- No, I can't, he admitted. - But I'm sure you can remember when you first saw me.

\- Yes, she nodded and smiled. - But even I can't remember how I came here.

He remained silent. If she wanted to talk, he would listen. There was no need to ask questions she didn't knew the answer to. He hadn't known and he didn't know her origins, but he had wondered how a lonely Khajiit girl came to live in the Jarl's court, inside the Dragonsreach. But as the years went on and his feelings grew, he no longer questioned her background and accepted her as she was.

\- There is something I can remember, she finally said. - It seems like a small thing and I don't even know if it's real or just my imagination. But I remember that I touched something, she raised her hand and her eyes looked somewhere far away. Vilkas didn't pull pack when her hand pressed against his chest. Her hand was small, fingers were slender and her claws were sharp and pointy.

\- Touched? he encouraged her to continue.

\- Yes, it was...furry and alive, she was somewhere in her own world now. In a place, where he could not follow her. - It was an arm or a leg, something slender, she said and suddenly she saw where she had placed her own hand. Her first instinct was to pull her hand away, but the warmth that his body radiated, engulfed her and she allowed her hand to remain in its place. Vilkas places his own hand on top of hers and she could feel his heart beat against her palm.

Their eyes met and, his grey ones and hers bright blue. She leaned forward, he didn't withdraw. Her eyes were wide open when she kissed him.


	9. There shall be shadows

**9\. There shall be shadows**

His lips were soft and warm against hers. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe that she had actually initiated this. She closed her eyes and opened them again. But he didn't disappear. He held her hand against his heart, which was beating much faster now, and she felt his breath against her mouth. He wasn't violent or fierce nor did he tried to force himself on her. His touch was light as a the butterflies wings. She leaned closer and as the kiss deepened, she uttered out a little cry and extended her neck towards him. His other hand brushed her cheek and then she felt it around her waist as he pulled her closer.

The faint smell of lavender and tundra cottons lingered around him. She had taken him by surprise. At first, when her lips were lightly pressed against his, he had been completely bewildered. But then, he answered to her kiss, gently parted her lips with his own and slip his tongue inside her mouth to taste and to tease. He told himself to take it slow and be gentle and understanding, she clearly had very little if any experience with men. He wanted to be the one who would guide her to road of pleasure, he wanted to teach her more than reading and writing.

When she felt his tongue in her mouth, the pleasure caused shivers down her spine and made her stomach quiver. His hands made her weak and trembling and she knew she wouldn't be able to deny anything from him. If he wanted, he could take her now. After all, wasn't this the one man she had waited most of her life.

He was submerged in her, he only wanted to feel and taste and smell and hear her. But in the back of his mind, he suddenly started hearing other voices. And they were not imaginary ones. He clearly heard his brother and Torvar and Skjor, as they slammed the heavy doors shut upstairs and as they sang about Ragnar the Red. Slowly he pulled away from her and pressed his forehead against hers. He smiled and listened to her passionate breathing, he could feel her heart, it was beating just as fast as his own. Her eyes were searching his.

\- It seems that our lessons are over for the night, Vilkas managed to mumble.

\- What? Sura had totally forgotten the books, the letters and the reason she was sitting here next to him. - Oh...I guess it's for the best.

\- We could have _studied_ little longer, he smiled and emphasized the word "studied". It was even more amusing when she covered her mouth with her hand and giggled like a little girl. He could see she was exited if a little embarrassed. But the most important thing was that she was smiling and laughing.

\- But as you can probably hear, Vilkas glances upstairs. - The drunken rabble has arrived. They won't give us any peace.

\- It seems so, she giggled. - But I would like to come again. To study, I mean.

\- I would like that too, Vilkas nodded and stood up. - Do you want to take the book with you?

\- If you let me, Sura said.

\- Of course, Vilkas agreed. - If you have nothing else to do, at least you can browse through it.

He opened the door and they stepped in to the hallway. They both wanted to say something to each other, but neither one knew how to start. And when they finally knew what they wanted to say, it was already too late, because Farkas was tumbling downstairs. Skjor and Torvar had remained in the mead hall and were no doubt emptying the ale storages.

\- Kitty cat! Farkas slurred when he saw her.

\- Hi Farkas, Sura greeted and she had momentarily forgotten - _for once!_ \- his speed and spontaneous nature. Even Vilkas was surprised when he strode over, grabbed her in his arms and spun her around the hallway. Farkas was incredibly strong and she felt the air squeeze out of her lungs.

\- My true love! he yelled. - My true love is here, guys!

\- Put her down, brother, before you get hurt, Vilkas shook his head. - Her claws are quite dangerous.

\- I don't see any scratches in your face, so how would you know, Farkas glanced at his brother and refused to let Sura go. - Listen, kitty cat, if my stubborn brother rejects you again and again...you just forget about him and come to me, okay. He doesn't know how to treasure a woman like you. He only buries himself in books, since when books taught you anything about real love!

\- Good to know I can trust you, if things don't work out, Sura couldn't help but laugh.

\- Oh, definitely, Farkas assured her and out of nowhere, he planted a moist, affectioned kiss on her cheek.

\- That's quite enough, Vilkas frowned at his brother. – Put her down.

\- Jealous, are we? Farkas smirked but lowered the flabbergasted Khajiit girl to the floor.

\- I might be, Vilkas said with a straight face. – And then you would be in real trouble.

\- Well, I better go now, Sura straightened her skirt.

\- Night, kitty cat, Farkas smiled.

\- Night, Sura, Vilkas said and grabbed his brother's arm. - And you...trouble maker...

Sura walked to the wooden door, looked back and saw the brothers laughing and talking and then suddenly, Farkas jumped on his brother and they came crashing down to the floor. After that, all she could hear where muffled cursing and Farkas' laughter. When she walked back to Dragonsreach, she felt like this could be the first night in ages, when she would be able to sleep soundly.

* * *

Few days later Sura was with Farengar in his workroom. He was still doing his dragon research and was wondering was there any way to get some old bones or scales. He didn't know where the burial mounds were and even if he did, he wouldn't dare to go to dig himself. So he was stuck with his studies and that made him irritated.

He did try to keep his mind on other things, like some of the new potions he had been developing. So he sent Sura around the city to collect his ingredients and when she returned, he sat her down before the table and started to explain what he wanted to accomplish.

They were so immersed in the recipe which required attention and patience that they both jumped when a heavy stone tablet was thrown to the table beside them. It broke some of the specimen jars and Farengar lifted his angry eyes to the person who had caused such damage. He quickly calmed when he saw the male Khajiit, J'Ziir, standing in the doorway. He was dirty, covered with spider webs and rock dust.

\- Here's your stone, J'Ziir stated. - Pay up!

\- Is it...really? Farengar gasped. - The Dragonstone?

He walked closer, but before he could even touch it, J'Ziir grabbed the tablet out of his reach.

\- You get it when I get my gold, wizard! the Khajiit said.

\- I don't have gold, Farengar spread his arms. - You must ask your reward from the Jarl.

\- Better take it to him then, J'Ziir turned around. - Where is he?

\- Please, just give it to me, Farengar pleaded. - I'll make sure you will get paid.

\- How much, exactly? J'Ziir asked. - When you count all the draugrs, the spiders, the bandits, the skeevers...how much do you think this is worth?

\- A fair amount, I give you my word, Farengar promised.

\- Fine, I'll give it to you, but only because I don't have the energy to carry it around any longer, J'Ziir tossed the tablet back to the table. Then he sneered to the court wizard. - And if the Jarl doesn't pay enough...I'll just "_take_" something from you in return. Now...where is he?

\- Farengar! Irileth suddenly ran into the room. She ignored J'Ziir completely and that was something Sura had never seen. Once Irileth considered you a threat, she would never chance her opinion. - You need to come at once! A dragon has been sighted nearby.

A dragon? Sura winced . She remembered the black beast she and Lydia had seen. If the same dragon would attack Whiterun...

\- You should come too, Irileth turned towards J'Ziir and the Khajiit shrugged his shoulders.

\- I only came to collect my money, he murmured.

\- A dragon? Farengar repeated. - Really? That's exiting. Where was it seen? How long ago? What was it doing?

\- This is not exiting, Irileth growled. - It's dangerous and devastating when people die. You better take this more seriously. If this dragon attacks us, I don't know what we can do about it.

\- It would be interesting to catch it alive, Farengar planned. - This is Dragonsreach, after all. We could...

\- Oh, be quiet! Irileth ordered. - The Jarl needs us. Come on!

Irileth hadn't ask her along but Sura stood up and hurried after them. She wanted to know what was happening and was there anything she could do.

Jarl Balgruuf was upstairs questioning one of the guardsman. He looked baffled and still at shock, and he couldn't really tell anything rational at first. He finally managed to explain that he had ran from the western watchtowers, and that was where the dragon had been sighted. Not far from the city.

The Jarl turned to his bodyguard. - Irileth, get some guardsmen and get down there.

\- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed. - I already ordered my men to muster near the main gate.

\- Excellent, the Jarl nodded. - Send someone to Jorrvaskr as well. The Companions have promised to help.

Then the Jarl turned towards the male Khajiit. - Ah, J'Ziir. Good to see you. I'm afraid I'll have to ask your help...

\- I still haven't received my last payment, he snarled. - Like I said, I didn't come here to help.

\- I understand, the Jarl nodded. - But you are the only one who has faced a dragon and survived. My men and this city need you. I give you my word, you will be rewarded handsomely.

\- Like I said, not interested, J'Ziir turned and was about to leave the reach when Sura stepped in his way.

\- Is money all you care about? she asked him. - This land is home to more people than just the Nords. Even Khajiits live here, and they are much more defenseless than others. Don't you wish to protect them?

\- Protecting them would be easier if they were allowed inside the city walls, J'Ziir growled and his eyes were flaming. - The Nords only sit around in their fancy halls and preach about their noble ways. I have no obligation nor will to protect these people. What do I owe to them?

\- They let me inside, Sura stated. - And not just inside the city walls, but inside their hearts. I consider these people family...

\- Good for you then, J'Ziir interrupted her. - But you are even more hypocrite than the rest of these people. You are a Khajiit. And still, here you are. Dressed up in fancy clothes, eating good food, sleeping in a warm bed. Do you have any idea how much your life differs from those who travel across the roads? You are quite safe her, princess.

\- Enough! Jarl Balgruuf shouted. - You don't wish to help, then don't help. But don't waste our time either.

\- Don't want to, J'Ziir glanced back. - She started it.

He passed by her and was on his way downstairs, but she turned around and ran after him. She caught up with him in the bottom of the stairs.

\- If it was your family! Sura yelled at his back and he stopped. - If one of those caravans were part of your family! If it was someone you loved. Your parents, sisters, brothers, maybe your own children. Even then, wouldn't you want to save them?

He's body stiffened, he stand there silently for a moment. Then, he turned, his ears drawn flat against his head, his claws ready to strike her down. Fear flashed through her body but she stood her ground. He hit his other hand on the stone wall, right next to her head, his claws ripping out small, sharp chips. He towered over her even when he was standing one step lower than she.

\- If it wasn't for this country and then Nords, I would still have my family, he hissed at her. - If it wasn't for the Nords, they would be safe and happy and alive. You want to defend the Nords - go right ahead. But never again try to convince me by speaking about my family.

She had never been so afraid of anyone. She closed her eyes and heard his footsteps as he finally walked away. She looked at the wall, where he had smashed his hand, there were five deep scratches in the stone and some blood. He had hurt his hand but he hadn't noticed it.

Upstairs the Jarl gave orders around and Farengar was upset that he wasn't allowed to leave the palace. It was the moment he had been waiting for, all his life. Sura swallowed her tears back. What J'Ziir had said was infuriating.

_He was right_.

She was the only Khajiit that was living inside the city walls. Had she ever thought about the others? Had she ever asked the Jarl to let them in? _No_. She had never considered the conditions they lived in. The constant dangers they faced in their travels.

She had only tried to survive her own nightmares.


	10. The punishment of being me

**10\. The punishment of being me**

_"J'Ziir! Leave your sister alone!"_

_"She started it!"_

She started it.

How many times in their childhood had he used that argument. He remembered his mother giving him a stern look but after a while everything had been forgotten and the sunny, warm, lazy days went on.

He didn't notice how the people of Whiterun were hurrying along, parents went after their children, the Market was closed, the guards ordered and herded people to safe areas, men gathered their weapons and prepared to defend their properties. He passed the vegetable stand and heard how the owner was calling out for her daughter. Her voice was frantic and nervous. Beside her was a man, the blond bard from the local inn. He kept telling her she needed to get to safety. She pushed him aside and kept looking around, peeking under the stands and asking the running guards had they seen her daughter.

J'Ziir moved on. It wasn't his problem. He walked on and was almost at the main gate when he heard a low, tearful cry under the bridge. He glanced around, no one else seemed to notice. A shallow stream flowed around Whiterun and just before the main gate there was a small, stone bridge. He took few steps closer and heard the cry again, this time it was clearer. He jumped over the bridge and landed in the water with a splash. He squatted and peeked under the bridge.

The girl looked tired and terrified. She was holding her left leg and her big brown eyes were filled with tears.

\- I...I sprained my ankle, she stuttered. - While I was trying to get to mom...

_"I sprained my ankle, J'Ziir! Carry me home!"_

\- How did you end up here? he asked her and reached out his hands and picked her up in his arms.

\- L...Lars and I were playing hide and seek, she mumbled. - But then people started to run around and I tried to run too but...

\- Where's your mom? J'Ziir asked her.

\- She works in the Market, the girl said. - I'm Mila. What's your name?

He didn't answer as they walked back at the Market. The woman was still there and now she was nearly fighting with the blond bard, who was constantly trying to pull her out of the plaza.

\- Mom! Mila yelled from his arms and as she saw her daughter, she pushed the man away and ran to them. She hugged her daughter and momentarily he was enveloped in her arms as well. He saw how the blond bard was looking at him, rage flashed across his face.

\- Thank you so much, the woman looked up at him and he saw tears glistening in her eyes. - May the Gods bless you.

\- She sprained her ankle, he said and handed the girl to her mother. - Go home now. It might get dangerous.

\- Are you going help to fight the dragon? Mila asked him. - If you are, I'm sure Whiterun will be safe soon. You look very strong.

It was first time in years that a genuine smile rose to his face. He didn't know why, but the little girl and her endless faith in his strength reminded him of Zahraji. When she was little, she had also looked up at him and believed that whatever might happen, he would always protect her.

Mila and her mother hurried of the Market. He walked to the main gate, saw the guards running out and take their positions. He saw a group of specialized warriors, they all had matching amours, a wolf's head decorated the chest plate. A man who led them was strong and determined and ordered his people around with short, steady commands.

J'Ziir walked out of the gate and wondered why the Jarl wanted his help. He had all these men, these skilled warriors and high stone walls. J'Ziir had faced a dragon and lived to tell about it but he hadn't killed it or fought with it. No, he had ran. And that's why he was alive. He couldn't imagine what help could offer them. And why would he want to do that?

You didn't get paid yet, he reminded himself. If you walk out now, there is no turning back. You have to get to Windhelm by foot, without good armor or any decent weapons. He looked at his sword, which he had taken from one of the bandits from Bleak Falls Barrow. It was quite good, a normal steel sword, easy to swing around and light to use. He usually used two war axes, he had perfected his hand-eye coordination and when he was fully armed, fully prepared, he would be able to take on quite a number of enemies. But axes weren't the only weapons he was good at. He liked his bow and arrow. His own ebony bow, which he had used for years. But there was no hope getting that back now, it was taken from him when the Imperials dragged him in Helgen.

New swords. Or better yet - new axes, he thought. And a decent bow, something that felt good and was comfortable to use and to carry. His armor was also torn and worn out, filled with scratches and holes. He had noticed that extremely well in Bleak Falls Barrow when an arrow had almost nailed him against the nearest wall. His shoulder was still a little sore from the hit. So - new armor as well. In the back of his head there was still one thing nagging that he wanted to deny. The Khajiit girl. She had given him the healing potion. He hadn't thanked her for it, but he had used it. And because of it, the massive wound in his arm was now completely healed.

_I always pay my debts_.

But killing a dragon - or help to kill it - sounded a little too much for a small bottle of potion. Fine! he shook his head and looked towards the Western Watchtowers. No movement there so far. Let's kill the dragon then. But the price better be much, much bigger than I originally bargained for.

The city grew quiet. Everyone was on the edge. Sura, Lydia, her father and the Jarl were standing on the high stone wall that surrounded the city. Some of the Jarl's guards had asked him to stay in the reach but he was determined to defend the city himself, if need be. Only incompetent leaders ordered their men from throne rooms. They saw the watchtowers - something was burning there - saw the men around them like little, black ants but there was no sign of the dragon yet.

And then suddenly - a roar. A huge, winged lizard swoop down from the clouds, opened its mouth and started spewing fire upon the fighting men. They were trying to bring it down with arrows, but it didn't land. It circled around and came back for another attack.

\- By the Gods, Lydia whispered. - They are getting slaughtered down there.

The dragon swooped around, grabbed few men in its massive talons, raised them high in the air and then finally dropped the men back to ground. There were only few guards moving now, taking cover and shooting arrows and the winged beast. It was hard to see what was happening exactly. But Sura thought that she still could make out Irileth. She was gathering the few men she still had and preparing for another attack.

Reinforcements were sent from the city. The Companions rushed out to battle. Sura frowned and worry clouded her heart and her mind. She wasn't worried about her own safety, but for his. For theirs. The dragon seemed almost impossible to beat down. It was massive, its scales were hard as rock, it's talons were huge and sharp and its tail powerful and strong. Suddenly, in the corner of her eye, she saw movement. There was someone else running towards the towers. He didn't seem to be in a hurry, he was almost jogging. She recognized him, it was the male Khajiit, J'Ziir.

\- So, he decided to help, the Jarl smiled. - Maybe he is not so callous after all.

\- What can he do? Sura asked. - You saw what happened to the other men. What could he possibly do by himself?

J'Ziir wasn't in a hurry. He saw the dragon, saw what happened to the others and decided to save his energy. He only had his sword - not the best possible weapon and not the best possible situation. He saw how a group warriors rode out from Whiterun, their leader was the man who's grey eyes burned dangerously and who wore the wolf armor. For a moment he considered turning around. They could probably handle the dragon themselves. No need for him to risk his life.

A massive shadow flew over him, he felt the air draft of the enormous animal as it glided over him. He realized that the others were still quite far away and the dragon was circling him now. He stopped running and looked up. No need to waste energy, no need to run after it, he told himself. Let it come to you.

The dragon was coming behind him, it swooped around and as it came down, it opened its big mouth and a destructive flame shower rained toward him. He anticipated it, rolled aside at the last moment, pulled out his sword and felt the fire that was burning everything in its path. The heat wave fried parts of his fur and the tip of his tale.

\- Well played, dragon, he smiled sarcastically, suppressed few smaller flames that were simmering in his fur and kept his eyes on the flying beast. He tested out his arm, swung the sword around couple of times. - Come here, he whispered and it was like the monster had heard his words. It dropped down from the sky right in front of him. The earth shook under his feet, rocks and dust flew around and he could smell its putrid breath. But still he couldn't stop smiling.

\- Let's dance, big boy, he smiled, raised his sword and charged forward.

Up on the stone wall, all they could do was watch the heated one-on-one battle down in the ground. Irileth was ready to order his men forward but for some reason, she didn't raise her hand in command. The Companions had also stopped some distance away, and in her heart Sura was silently grateful that they weren't in immediate danger. It seemed like they were also hypnotized of what was happening in front of them.

The male Khajiit was incredibly quick and agile. He didn't waste any time as he charged forward. He evaded the monsters sharp teeth and jaws and plunged his sword first in the softer, more vulnerable skin under its head and only a moment later, he slashed out its other eye. The dragon roared out in pain, spread its wings and was about to take off, but the quick Khajiit climbed in its back and struck his sword deep into the flesh of its back. He used his body weight to slide down its side and the sword carved out a gaping wound in the hide. His movements were fluent and Sura guessed that he had not practiced them in a training yard. He had mastered his body and his muscles. This man had experienced these kind of situations before and he knew exactly what he was doing.

The dragon was resilient. It swung its powerful tale, it hit the Khajiit and send him flying back first to the cold, hard ground. Miraculously he was able to hold on to his sword and as he slid against the ground, he reached out his other hand and used his claws to slow down and get back up. His bulging muscles made it look easy and before the slide was over, he was back on his feet.

\- Is he still alive? Lydia had covered her eyes with her hands. - How is that possible?

\- He survived Helgen, the Jarl said. - Now we know how.

The Khajiit and the dragon were measuring each other. This time he didn't charge, he waited. He remained perfectly silent in his place, he knew the dragon couldn't see with its other eye. And because of the deep wound, it wasn't able to lift off the ground either. But neither one of those wounds stopped it from bursting out fiery flames around. It extended its neck, breathed out fire in semicircle and the wall of flames now separated the Khajiit and the dragon. But because of the fire, because of the blinding smoke and the roaring flames, the huge animal wasn't able to see or hear its quick but dangerous enemy.

He jumped through the fire right in front of it. He didn't notice his fur was on fire in many places and his armor was almost in tatters. The dragon opened its jaws but its prey was too fast and too smart. As soon as he hit the ground, he rolled down, dodged the huge talons and plunged his sword into the dragons neck and underbelly. He pressed against the sword, felt how the soft flesh gave away and as the dragon tried to move forward, its neck and stomach were sliced open. It roared loudly and J'Ziir felt it was about to crash over him.

He rolled away from it and with a loud thud the dragon collapsed to the ground. Only now he felt the pain in his body, the burns, the scratches, the wounds. He was covered in its blood, it clung to his fur like a thick, sticky layer and gave him a fearful and grotesque look. Its tale had swiped him quite badly and he moaned as he took few steps away from the animal. He glanced back, the dragon was now dead, the huge pool of blood spread around it and was absorbed in to the ground.

Besides the flames and the wind, everything was completely quiet around him. He saw people, the Jarl's irritating Dunmer bodyguard, the warrior group on their horses. He wondered why hadn't they bothered to help. It would have been so much easier if there was someone... but there never was.

_There never is_.

He turned away from them and suddenly a blinding light pierced his eyes and his brain. He fell to his knees, it was almost too painful. His body trembled and a strong power rushed through his muscles and bones, an incredible force that made him almost throw up. He dug his claws to the ground and for the first time in years, he cried out in pure pain.

And then it was over. As quickly as it had began. He opened his eyes and for a moment, he only saw darkness. _The dragon was still alive!_ he thought to himself. _You fool! You shouldn't have turned your back to it. You never, ever turn your back to your enemies until you are sure they are dead. _

\- Are you alright? a woman called out to him.

Slowly, he started to distinguish her features. Long, red hair, gleaming yellow eyes and green war paint spread across her face. She helped him up and as he shook his head, they were all watching him, some with interested, others with fear.

He didn't really understand their staring and pretty soon it started to annoy him. He pushed the woman aside and turned back to the dragon. He at least wanted to get his sword back.

Irileth and her men had run to the dragon, which was now only a skeleton. He stepped closer, touched the bare bones and couldn't really understand what had happened.

\- What did you do? Irileth approached him.

\- I killed it, J'Ziir shrugged his shoulders. - It seemed to me that you weren't that interested to handle it, were you?

\- But you did something else, Irileth ignored his sarcastic words. - You absorbed something from it.

\- Like what? J'Ziir looked at her and now he was sure that she was the one who was delusional. - It's memories, maybe? It's plans for future? Some cooking recipes? Maybe I have to seek out its mate and deliver the sad news.

\- You are the Dragonborn, one of the soldiers blurted out when he got over his shock.

\- The...what? he looked at the man who took few steps back as their eyes met.

\- The Dragonborn, he repeated. - In the oldest tales, back from there still were dragons in Skyrim, the Dragonborn would slay dragons and steal their power. I mean...that's what you did, isn't it? Absorbed it's power?

\- I doubt it, he sneered. - And I couldn't care less about your legends.

\- Try shouting, he encouraged. - That's the only way you know.

\- I don't have energy to shout, he stated, picked his sword and headed towards the city.

\- But...according to the legends, only the Dragonborn can Shout without training, the soldier pestered him. - You know, like the dragons do.

\- Want me to try it on you? J'Ziir snapped and the soldier stepped back. He seethed his sword and continued his way towards Whiterun. Irileth ran after him and grabbed his arm.

\- The Jarl needs to know what happened here, she said. - You need to go and explain things to him.

\- I don't like being told what to do, he yanked his hand away. - But I believe he already knows. He and his court ladies had front row seats to this little drama. I think he had quite spectacular view from the shelter of his stone walls.


	11. The reluctant hero

**11\. The reluctant hero**

\- What just happened? Lydia mumbled. - What did he do?

\- He...he killed the dragon, Hrongar said. - By himself. And then...

\- He's the Dragonborn, Jarl Balgruuf stated. - The legend of Skyrim, the slayer of dragons.

\- The Dragonborn? Hrongar exclaimed. - But he is a Khajiit. How can he be the legend of the Nords?

The Jarl and his brother walked back to the reach, still talking, still debating. Sura and Lydia stood on the stone walls and they were both quiet. They remembered the dragon they had seen in the mountains. The dragon, that now lay dead in the plains of Whiterun, wasn't as menacing and big, but it wasn't small and puny either. And one man, one Khajiit, had killed it.

They saw him walk back towards the city. Sura could see that he was incredibly tired and exhausted. She felt sorry for him for the first time and remembered what he had said about his family. If his family was dead, that explained his anger. But it was his anger that had given him the extraordinary strength he used to slay the dragon.

He was almost at the main gates, when the world suddenly shook around them. A loud thunder like sound rolled down the mountains, over the plains, the rivers, the fields. It only lasted for a moment, but it was powerful enough to be heard all over Skyrim.

Sura and Lydia glanced at each other.

\- Could it be...? Sura said.

\- The Greybeards, Lydia muttered. - Are they calling for him?

\- Let's go, Sura grabbed her hand. - I'm sure the Jarl knows.

They hurried to the Dragonsreach, the Jarl was already waiting. Hrongar walked back and forth in front of the wooden doors and when they finally opened and the bruised and pattered hero stepped inside, he took a step closer and handed something to him. Sura didn't hear what he said, but it seemed to be something important, she could see it from their faces. Hrongar turned and walked back to the Jarl. For a moment, J'Ziir stood at the door; he had something in his palm. He sighed, put whatever it was in his pocket and walked forward.

\- The dragon is dead, as I'm sure you know, he said to the Jarl. - So, hand over the gold so we can get this over with.

\- Yes, I know, the Jarl nodded. - This city owes more and more to you. But before I reward you, there is another thing I must speak with you.

J'Ziir frowned. He should have known there was something else. If he wasn't so tired, he might have had the energy to argue with the Jarl, demand his price and leave. He didn't need any more missions, any more monsters to kill. He was lucky he had survived two dragons.

\- We all heard the summons, the Jarl looked at him. - What else could it mean? The Greybeards...you heard it too, didn't you?

\- Stop speaking in riddles, J'Ziir said. - I don't have a clue what you are talking about.

\- But you must have heard it, Lydia blurted out and the male Khajiit glared at her. She blushed and lowered her gaze. - The sound that traveled like a thunder. They called out for you, she mumbled.

\- Me? J'Ziir pointed himself and sneered sarcastically. He seemed very amused by the idea. - Why would anyone call out for me?

\- Because you are the Dragonborn! Hrongar exclaimed.

\- This again, the Khajiit yawned. - Look, all I want is my gold. And then be on my way. Is that so hard to understand?

\- I understand you, the Jarl nodded. - But allow me to explain. The Greybeards are Masters of the Way of the Voice. They live in seclusion high up in the on the slopes of the Throat of the World. The Dragonborn is said to be uniquely gifted in the Voice. The ability to focus your vital essence into a Thu'um, a Shout.

\- Your folklore doesn't interest me...

\- If you really are Dragonborn, they can teach you how to use your gift, the Jarl continued. - They Greybeards summoning the Dragonborn, this hasn't happened in centuries.

\- So, what do you expect me to do? J'Ziir asked calmly but his voice was deceiving. Anger bubbled under his peaceful exterior and the more the Jarl explained, the more irritated he seemed.

\- It would be wise to answer their call, the Jarl advised. - What ever happened when you killed that dragon, it revealed something in you and the Greybeards heard it.

\- How ironic, isn't it? J'Ziir mocked. - Your precious Nord legend turns out to be a lowly Khajiit. A Khajiit who has no interest in your land or its problems.

\- And yet, you killed the dragon, the Jarl smiled and he didn't seem to be hurt by his words. - Even when you said you wouldn't.

\- I only did it for gold, J'Ziir snapped.

\- Of course you did, the Jarl still smiled. - And you have indeed earned your reward. But I still encourage you to go to High Hrotgar. You should not ignore their wishes. It is a tremendous honor.

\- Just pay me, J'Ziir said and now his began to sound frustrated.

\- You've done a great service to me and my city, Dragonborn, The Jarl stood up from his chair. The word "_Dragonborn_" irritated the Khajiit even more than the word "_friend_". - By my right as Jarl, I name you Thane of Whiterun. It is the greatest honor that's within my power to grant.

Everyone in the hall was amazed by this decision. Whiterun didn't have many any Thanes and J'Ziir the Khajiit, the Dragonborn, was the first one. Hrongar looked at his older brother. If it was up to him, just some gold would have been sufficient. There was no need to give out any titles since this man didn't seem to want anything but gold. But what his brother said next outraged him even more.

\- I assign you Lydia as a personal housecarl, and I give you this weapon from my armory to serve you as your badge of office, the Jarl handed him a massive battleaxe.

Sura looked over at her friend who was standing on other side of the room. Lydia looked shocked. She had clearly not expected this. She looked at the angry male Khajiit, who was not just taller than she but also much, much stronger. And it seemed, her Thane was just not angry but threatening as well.

\- I don't need your titles, J'Ziir snarled. - I take the axe and the gold, but keep your fancy names. And I certainly don't need a nuisance like her following me around.

\- Yes, brother, Hrongar nodded eagerly. - How can you make such a rash decision? Think about this.

\- I have made my decision, the Jarl said and turned to Lydia. - He is your Thane now. You do whatever he tells you to and you serve him the best you can. Your job is to protect him and all he owns with your life.

\- Yes, my Jarl, Lydia stuttered, walked next to the Khajiit, bowed and mumbled. - My Thane, I am your sword and your shield.

J'Ziir didn't look at her, he stared at the Jarl. Then he turned around and without a word he stormed out the longhouse. Lydia hesitated for a moment, grabbed her gear and ran after him. Hrongar tried to say something to his daughter, maybe forbid her for following him, but she was out of the door in few seconds.

\- Why did you do that? he turned to his brother. - How can you order Lydia as his housecarl? You know she is going to marry Hadvar in few months and...

\- This will be good for her, the Jarl said and stood up.

\- Good for her? Hrongar couldn't believe what his brother was saying. - That man, that Khajiit has no love for the Nords. He is going to torment her and in the worst case, get her killed!

\- Is she that incompetent? Jarl Balgruuf asked from his brother. - She gains experience from this and gets to serve the Dragonborn. I believe her marriage can wait until after the war.

He made very clear that the conversation was over and exited the room. Sura could clearly see Hrongar's frustration, but she wondered was there something else behind the Jarl's sudden decision. Sura knew that Lydia would welcome this duty; she would rather serve the hateful Khajiit - the Dragonborn - than settle for a boring life in Solitude. But still she worried for her friend. Could those two really get along?

* * *

Lydia didn't waste time as she ran after her new Thane. She hadn't expected this, but the Jarl's decision didn't worry her too much. After all, this was the Dragonborn. The greatest man - a legend - that roamed the lands of Skyrim ever since Tiber Septim himself. Even Ulfric Stormcloack, who claimed to be the next High King of Skyrim, wasn't above this man.

Her Thane was already in the bottom of the long stone stairs and she had to speed up to catch up with him.

\- My Thane! she yelled. - My Thane!

She was coming down at high speed and when he suddenly stopped and turned around, she almost pumped right into him. In the last possible moment, she pulled her shield in front of her and somehow avoided a collision.

\- Don't call me that! J'Ziir grit his teeth. - And go back where you came from. I have no need for you.

\- I'm sworn to your service, Lydia repeated. - I'm your swords and your...

\- I heard that already, J'Ziir interrupted him. - So, you are nothing but a slave?

\- A slave? Lydia was shocked. - No, I'm your housecarl!

\- You are sworn to my service, the Khajiit circled her. His hands were crossed and his eyes were criticizing. - I don't need to pay you, you follow me around, and you do what I tell you. And you, he stopped in front of her and leaned a little closer. - _Satisfy_ my every need, isn't that right?

She took a step back and blushed. Being a housecarl didn't include...physical contact. And personal relations were banned during her service time. All she needed to do was concentrate on her Thane. But what if her Thane demanded this...intimacy from her? Could she then refuse?

\- Tell me, J'Ziir sneered. - How is that any different from a being my slave?

She didn't reply, he sighed and rolled his eyes. - So, you can't answer? Because there is no difference, is there?

\- I'm your...housecarl, she mumbled. - A slave...doesn't wish to protect her owner. But a housecarl does. A slave wants freedom; a housecarl only wishes to serve.

\- Owner? J'Ziir repeated her words and she heard disgust in his voice. - Now I'm your owner?

\- I..didn't mean it like that, Lydia stumbled.

\- Aren't you ashamed? J'Ziir asked. - To serve me?

\- What do you mean, my Thane? she raised her eyes. - Of course not! You are the Dragonborn! Not everyone has the chance to serve the Dragonborn...

\- Stop doing that! he shouted. - Using that name...

\- What should I call you then, my Thane? she inquired. - If I can't call you a Thane, then Dragonb...

\- I don't care about that, he waved his hand. - Your legends, your heroes. Keep them to yourself. But you are a Nord woman and serving a mere Khajiit must get your blood boiling.

\- Why would it? Lydia asked. - I don't hate the Khajiits. My best friend is a Khajiit. She is one the best people I know. And now that the Dragonb...I mean...my Tha...you are also a Khajiit, I think it's an honor.

\- An honor? J'Ziir said. - You think dying for someone else is honorable? Don't you have any self-respect? Don't you want to live your own life?

\- This is my life now, Lydia answered. - To serve and to protect you.

He looked at her suspiciously and took a few steps back. He pulled out his sword and threw it aside. He also took of his tattered armor, what was left of it. He stood there in front of her only wearing his loin cloth. Lydia blushed even more and moved her eyes away.

\- You wish to protect me? he questioned her. - Then attack me!

\- What? Lydia stuttered. - But...you are...unarmed, my Thane! And without armor! I could seriously injure you.

\- Are you disobeying my word? he asked and looked at her indifferently. - Didn't you just say yourself that you were...what was it? Hmm...sworn to my service? _To do whatever I tell you to_!

\- It's not my duty to hurt you! she tried to reason with him.

\- Attack me! he ordered again. - If you don't, I might just attack you myself. Tell me, if your Thane attacks you, do you defend yourself or let him kill you? Is dying in his hands part of your duty?

She gripped her sword and charged at him. For a moment, she remembered the bandit whose head she cut off. She only hoped this battle wouldn't end the same way. To kill the Dragonborn...

He was quick and dodged her sword easily. For a moment they danced around the Wind District, she waved her sword around and he evaded or blocked her every try. They didn't notice that people started to gather around. Heimskr had shut his mouth long ago, the guards stopped their patrolling and the people just stared at their deadly dance.

She was getting tired, her breath quickened and her heart started to bound against her armor. Now she tried to her best, she wasn't even thinking of taking it easy, all she wanted was to get one clear hit at him. Just to prove her skills. But he was too fast and he tempted her, laughed at her and mocked her.

Using her last strength, she charged ahead and the tip of her sword brushed his long ears as he crouched. She didn't see him coming from her right side, but she realized he squeezed the sword out of her hand and her wrist was hurting when he forced her to the ground. She dropped her shield and felt his sharp claws against her skin.

\- So, he hissed to her. - This is the kind of protection you are offering. If there had been more enemies, I would have died long ago while you just swung your sword around not getting even one clear strike. How many people have you killed? Or were they all just training dollies?

\- Th...three, my Thane, Lydia sniffed. - I have killed three people.

\- Go back where you came from, he released her hand and stood up. - I have enough problems without you.

He picked up his sword and tattered armor, felt the weariness in his body, pushed the people aside and walked down the stone stairs. Lydia jumped to her feet, grabbed her sword and shield and looked around.

\- Thane, she yelled but her voice was weak and fearful. - I'm your...sword and...your...shield...

He walked to the Bannered Mare and was about the rent the same room he had before. As he took out his coin purse, the owner smiled and shook her head.

\- No need to pay, she said. - You saved our city. Every time you wish to stay here, it's free from now on. Boys! she yelled. - Get some water upstairs!

J'Ziir was a little confused - the word "_free_" didn't belong in his vocabulary. But he didn't wish to argue either; he was way too tired for that. He followed the men as they carried the bathtub upstairs and filled it with water. The owner brought some food, smiled and left.

He tossed his broken armor the bed and saw the orange leather pouch in one of the pockets. He had almost forgotten that. He reached out, opened the pouch and poured its contents in his palm. The golden pendant gleamed in his hand.

He took of his loin cloth, sat down in the warm water and leaned his head against his hand. The necklace was inside his fist and again he felt utter relief that it was returned to him. There seemed to be one good Nord in this country.

The Jarl's brother had given the pouch to him and explained that Hadvar had sent it to him. He was on his way to Solitude. They might never see each other again. But the necklace seemed to be important and the Imperial soldier only felt it was right to give it back to him.

He remembered when it was taken from him. While he was unconscious in the wagon, among the other prisoners. His clothes, his weapons, his jewelry. They were all stripped from him.

He slipped the necklace over his head and as soon as the crescent moon touched his skin, the pain from his body was erased and peace surrounded him. At that moment, even his anger and hate momentarily subsided. He could almost hear his father's voice as he was singing and his mother and sister laughing together.

But the bad memories always followed the happy moments. And as he lived through that sunny autumn day again and again, the peace disappeared and the hatred once again took over. He opened his eyes and looked at the war axe that was leaning against the bed frame. Would that be enough? he thought. One clean hit and the man's head would roll on the floor. And what would happen after that...well, that just didn't matter anymore.


	12. The shadow of a little girl

**12\. The shadow of a little girl**

In the next days, Sura didn't see Lydia very often. And when they did meet, Lydia was always in a hurry. Most of the time she was searching for her Thane. Somehow J'Ziir had managed to lose her again. But she was quite tenacious and despite his efforts to avoid her, she somehow always found him again.

Hrongar was still angry by the Jarl's decision and he used every change he got trying to get his brother to change his mind. Hrongar also tried to question his daughter and find out what she thought about her new position as a housecarl. Lydia remained silent, she never said anything about her Thane or the way the Khajiit treated her.

So Hrongar was unarmed. But he kept his eyes on his daughter and on the new Thane. And he wasn't the only one.

Irileth was also very annoyed by the Jarl's decision. She seemed to think that Whiterun didn't need another troublesome Khajiit. Sura wondered when had she actually caused any troubles in Whiterun, she always tried to do what she was told and she never wanted to cause problems. But the situation seemed to bother the housecarl and whenever she saw J'Ziir - he rarely came to Dragonsreach - she was always on her toes.

Sura remembered that J'Ziir was planning to go to Windhelm. But day after day he remained in Whiterun. Lydia slept in the guards barracks, she had her own bed there while J'Ziir remained in Bannered Mare. Sura had heard that Hulda didn't ask any money from him, since he was the "_savior of the city_".

And after a while life in Whiterun normalized and J'Ziir was suddenly considered a permanent resident in the city. No one wondered why he was in Whiterun, people knew who he was and many were thankful to him. One particular person was Carlotta's daughter, Mila. She seemed ecstatic whenever he was at the Market. And in her company, his grumpy exterior temporarily faded away. He joked with her, he laughed with her and sometimes - very rarely - he played hide and seek with her. He always knew where she was, his hearing and eyesight were superior compared to the Nords. But he always pretended he didn't knew where she was. And ultimately, she ran out from her hiding place giggling and snickering.

It was one of those days when Sura and Lydia briefly met in the Market. J'Ziir was playing around with Mila and Lydia joined Sura as she came down from the Wind District.

Sura actually had some free time and she was on her way to Jorrvaskr but decided to stop by in the Market. She had met Tilma in the Wind District and the old woman was on her way to get some vegetables from Carlotta. Sura assured her that she would get what they needed, she was on her way to the Market and it was no problem to drop the supplies to Jorrvaskr on her way back. She also wanted to return the book she had borrowed from Vilkas. She had studied quite hard, she didn't wish to disappoint him and her excellent memory had not let her down. When she actually started to write down words, Farengar had helped her but soon enough he noticed that his advice was not necessary. So, she could write a little now. Not much, but she was willing to learn more.

Lydia waved her hand when she saw her. Sura stopped by at Carlotta's stand, gave her the list that Tilma had written and smiled to Lydia. Then they both looked at Mila and J'Ziir.

\- He looks like a different person, Sura said. - How can he be so patient with Mila and be so intolerable with others?

\- I believe that something bad has happened to him, Lydia looked at her. - In his past. Something he cannot forget or forgive. Maybe he's lost someone important.

Sura nodded. She did remember his reaction when she had mentioned his possible family. " _If it wasn't for the Nords, they would be safe and happy and alive!_" So, clearly he had lost his family. His wife and his children, maybe.

\- So, how are you doing? Sura asked Lydia. - Has it been difficult?

\- Don't ask, Lydia shook her head. - He is impossible. And he has this weird image in his head that I hate and loathe him. That he is somehow below me. Sometimes he just spits out angry words at me. But so far...I have been able to ignore them. When you hear it a lot, it sort of loses its meaning.

\- How come he is still in Whiterun? Sura wondered and thanked Carlotta when she handed her the groceries. She paid her from the money Tilma had given her. - Wasn't he heading to Windhelm? Or to High Hrothgar to meet the Greybeards?

\- He doesn't really care about being the Dragonborn, Lydia sighed. - I keep telling him that we should go, the Greybeards are important people. But he ignores me completely. He says, he is not interested to play the part of a big hero. And he doesn't care for the people of Skyrim.

\- Well, there is one person he seems to care about, Sura smiled when she heard Mila's laughter.

\- I'm glad that he is the Thane of our city, Carlotta said and looked at her daughter and the Khajiit. - He even convinced Mikael to leave me alone. He is extremely scary when he wants to be. Let me tell you - if he was interested in me, I might consider it.

\- What? Sura was amazed. - You'd be actually willing to marry him?

\- To be the wife of the Dragonborn, Carlotta laughed. - What's the downside?

Sura looked J'Ziir and noticed that when he wasn't angry or hateful or moody, he actually looked a lot more amiable. And now that he was also clean, his black fur was thick and shiny. The man she had seen arrive some time ago in Whiterun, wasn't the same man that she saw here today.

\- What about you, Lydia? Carlotta asked. - You are his housecarl. Don't you feel tempted to try?

\- Like you just said, I'm his housecarl, Lydia rolled her eyes. - And he hates me. So, there's no need to even go there.

They looked the girl and the Khajiit for a while and then Sura said her goodbyes to Carlotta and Lydia. She took the vegetables and her book and headed towards Jorrvaskr.

It was eerily empty again. Only Tilma gathered some dishes from the huge tables and Sura gave her the vegetables and the rest of the money. She smiled, brushed her cheek and before she went on with her business, Sura asked her about the Companions. To her mild disappointment Tilma told her that the Companions were carrying out some missions but she couldn't say exactly where they were and when they would return.

Sura looked at the book in her hands and wondered could she take it downstairs, to his room. She could leave it to his table and be done with it. So she headed towards the stairs and opened the door in to an empty hallway. It was quiet and her steps echoed from the stone floor as she moved on. He walked behind his door, knocked and tried the handle. The door was locked. She considered leaving the book on a small drawer which was almost next to it but maybe he wouldn't notice it.

Why are you making such a big deal out of this? she asked herself. It's only a book. I'm sure he won't lose his mind if he doesn't find it immediately when he comes back.

She packed away from the door but wanted to linger here for a little while longer. She sat down to a nearby table and started to browse through the book. She knew the letters by heart and remembered most of words and their meaning. There was a quill, an inkwell and some paper on the table and without thinking too much, she grabbed them and started to write some words to it. Complete, clear sentences were out of her reach but she tried her hardest and thought what she wanted to say.

She was immersed in her exercise and didn't notice how an older man watched her from the other side of the hallway. His other eye was blinded but he didn't need it to see clearly. He remembered the little Khajiit girl extremely well. And whenever the girl stopped by at Jorrvaskr, he was pleased to see her.

There was something in her that was exceptional. Maybe that was one of the reasons he had protected her all those years ago. He had felt her little fingers on his thick, rough fur, she hadn't been afraid of him.

Not him. But something else. She kept meowing on a small, weak voice, she looked straight ahead but didn't appear to see anything. Her blue eyes were blind, he had only seen pain and sadness.

And underneath his beast form, he had felt a warm sensation, need to keep her safe. And he had done that, he had walked along side her, guided her gently towards the closest city and made sure that other animals kept their distance. And when the Jarl's wagon came along, he had drawn back to the shadows of the forest and watched what would happen. Would they abandon the little girl or take her with them?

Hrongar's wife had been alive and both she and little Lydia wanted badly to take the girl along. Neither of them thought it was right to leave her on the side of the road. The Jarl agreed and he had been pleased to see that she was safe. He knew that she didn't remember anything about their meeting or anything about the events that had led her to the situation.

He didn't know either how Sura had ended up in that empty road, all alone, shocked and lost. But what he did know was that she was important. Like the male Khajiit that had come to Whiterun just a little while ago. And they were somehow connected. When the girl stood up, Kodlak Whitemane backed away to his room. There were many things he wanted to think about.

Sura looked at the note she had written. She had used short sentences and she was very sure most of her words were wrong and barely understandable but she hoped Vilkas would be able to see what she meant.

She folded the note between the pages, walked back to his door and placed the book on the floor. Momentarily she wanted to grab the note back and rip it so he wouldn't be able to find it at all.

_Just walk away_! she told herself, took few steps back and turned around. Most of her life she had always waited and waited and hoped that things would somehow work themselves out. But in the past few weeks, she had done something. She had actually made some moves.

She had taken another step closer to the one man her heart desired.


	13. The big, bulky Orc

**13\. The big, bulky Orc**

Jarl Balgruuf looked at the man who was standing in front of him. He looked as displeased as always but this time he was at least clean and wearing an unbroken armor. His housecarl stood few steps behind him and stared at the floor.

\- Take her back! J'Ziir demanded. - I have no use for her. She gets in the way and she almost got us killed already. She doesn't know how to use her weapons or how to move her feet. She doesn't have any consideration and she rushes in to battles like a blind mammoth.

\- My Thane... Lydia started.

\- You keep your mouth shut, _housecarl_! J'Ziir snapped at her.

\- I'm sorry but it's out of my hands, the Jarl said. - She is your housecarl now.

\- So, that means I can release her from my service, right? J'Ziir asked. - How do I put it? Give this woman her brains back?

The Jarl ignored his harsh words but Hrongar frowned angrily. He didn't like to hear how this man - this Thane - mocked his only daughter.

\- It's never been done before, Jarl Balgruuf said. - But it's up to you. Do what you think is best.

\- Excellent, J'Ziir nodded and turned to Lydia. - You heard that? You are no longer my slave, woman. Do whatever you want and go where ever you want. It was fun while it lasted.

\- What? Lydia looked at him and then she glanced the Jarl. - Can he...really do this?

\- Like I said, it's up to him, the Jarl nodded.

\- It's better for you, daughter, Hrongar said. - You get to concentrate on your wedding and your future now...

\- Well, that worked out perfectly then, J'Ziir smiled, turned and walked out of the longhouse. _Finally_, he thought. I got rid of her. Now I can focus on other things. _Important things_. He was at the bottom of the deep stone steps when he heard hurried steps behind him. _No way_! he groaned in his mind. What is she thinking?

He turned around and saw Lydia running after him. She was panting when she got to him, not much but little. She stood next to him and looked at him with anticipation in her eyes.

\- What are you doing? J'Ziir asked after a while.

\- Serving you, my Thane, she said with a serious face.

\- Didn't I just release you from my service? he asked angrily.

\- Yes, she replied. - But you also gave me a free will. You said I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want. And that's what I'm doing. Following you, my Thane. Voluntarily.

\- Have you lost your mind? J'Ziir shouted. - What part don't you understand? I don't need you! I don't want you around me!

\- Nevertheless, she swallowed. - I'm going to stay by your side, my Thane.

J'Ziir rubbed his face and sighed. He watched her and tried to understand why she was acting like this. He hadn't given her any reason to stay beside him.

\- What's the reason you want to stay with me? he finally asked.

\- Well, you are the Dragonborn, Lydia smiled. - I wouldn't want to miss out on your adventures.

\- There's another reason, isn't there? J'Ziir speculated. - Are you in love with me?

Lydia raised her eyes. The surprise and the shock in her face was so genuine that the male Khajiit shook his head. - Guess not, he grunted.

\- My Thane..., Lydia started. - I only wish to help you.

\- But are not helping, J'Ziir said. - And by the way, didn't your father mention that you are getting married. Isn't that more important that being my slave?

\- I'm not married yet, she stated. - And until I am, I'm going to be your _housecarl_.

He was increasingly annoyed by her presence but it seemed he wasn't able to do anything about it. He was stuck with her, at least for now. _Fine_, he thought. Let her stay. Let her run all the insignificant errands and other small things. Let her feel that she is important so maybe you can then separate as friends later on.

\- Alright then, he sighed. - So, what does a housecarl do?

\- Like I said, Lydia smiled and was barely able to contain her joy. - I'm sworn to your service. I protect you and all you own with my life. If you were to buy a house, I would take care of it, keep it clean, cook you dinner and...

\- In other words, J'Ziir leaned a little closer. - My slave AND my _wife_. Is that what you want? Play little home, take care of my house? Massage my shoulders when I get back from an adventure and patch my trousers? Cook me some dinner and maybe..."_play_" a little more later on?

\- I didn't mean that, Lydia blushed. - Stop twisting my words, J'Ziir. You know what I mean.

\- Oh, so it's no longer "_my Thane_" or "_the Dragonborn_", the Khajiit laughed. - Now we are on first name basis, hmm?

\- Is there anything you would want to me to do, my Thane? Lydia ignored his words and followed him when they walked to the Market district. They stopped at Carlotta's vegetable stand and J'Ziir smiled to the owner. He turned to Lydia and nodded.

\- Yes there is, my _wife_, the Khajiit grinned. - Fetch me some ale. And not from the Bannered Mare. Get some from the Drunken Huntsman. They have better drinks there.

\- Yes, my Thane, Lydia sighed and reached out her hand. - I need some gold. I'm getting it for you so you don't expect me to pay, do you?

J'Ziir handed her his coin purse and then turned towards Carlotta again. Surprisingly her company was rather enjoyable and she was quite pretty. And he liked the little girl, every time he looked at her, she remained him more and more of Zahraji.

As Lydia walked towards the Drunken Huntsman, Sura walked out of Arcadia's Cauldron. Once again she was heading towards the Whiterun plains. Arcadia needed rather ordinary ingredients today. She looked around hoping to find Lydia but she was nowhere to be seen. When she noticed J'Ziir she wondered would he be interested to come with her in the plains.

\- Hello, Sura greeted him. He only glanced at her but didn't reply. Carlotta smiled instead, she was always happy to see Sura.

\- Where are you headed? Carlotta asked. - Let me guess. Something to do with Arcadia?

\- Yes, Sura nodded. - She need some ingredients again. Seems most of her recipes aren't that reliable. She uses lots of stuff on nothing.

\- I agree, Carlotta leaned against her table. - But sometimes she does succeed. Remember when she created that hangover potion? Weren't all the men in Whiterun ecstatic about that?

Sura laughed. - I think Torvar bought many bottles but after a while the effect seemed to disappear. And once again, he was cursing his headaches. And Arcadia.

\- Are you going alone? J'Ziir asked suddenly. - It's not very safe.

\- Lydia usually comes with me, Sura said. - But she isn't around now. What about you? Do you have anything to do? Want to come along?

\- I don't really have time to babysit you, J'Ziir stated. - You know how it is. Being the Dragonborn and all that...

\- I'll come with you.

Sura, Carlotta and J'Ziir turned to see who had made such a surprising offer. When Sura saw Idolaf Battle-Born, she immediately felt regretful to even have announced that she was going and needed someone to come along.

\- There you go then, J'Ziir smiled. - A brave Nord to protect you. You are more safe with him that you would be with me. I'm only a Khajiit. And a Nord is a Nord.

\- Thank you, Idolaf, Sura murmured. Reluctantly she followed him.

\- Be safe, Mila yelled. - And bring me some nice flowers!

They didn't exchange words when they exited the main gate. Sura only wished she could gather Arcadia's ingredients as quickly as possible. She was sure that Idolaf wanted an answer. And rejecting him might not be so easy.

They headed towards the Plains. Sura looked around to find the blue and the purple mountain flowers. She also needed some Nirnroots and she located them rather easily because of their unique sound. While she gathered them, Idolaf took care of two mudcrabcs. They weren't that aggressive and were only buried under the mud and Sura didn't see a reason for him to kill them. But she didn't complain and while she had the chance, she took the chitins from them. She noticed that Idolaf wanted to say something but she hurried off to search for the Thistle branches. She realized that she needed to head towards the forest but she remembered seeing some flowers at the forest edge, near the road towards Riverwood.

They passed by Honningbrew Meadery and ascended a little higher. She recognized the plant immediately, picked some of the flowers and was relief to know it was the last ingredient she needed. Now they could head back and she would be able to avoid his questions and interrogations.

\- Right, she smiled. - That's it. We can go back now. I have everything I need.

\- I don't, Idolaf said, stepped closer and grabbed her hands in to his own. - I'm still waiting for your answer.

It was too late to try get away from him, she knew that. But she wanted to buy some time. - Let's just talk as we walk. We can get down this hill faster than going by the road.

He nodded and followed her lead. The Meadery and the plains were right ahead. Whiterun was clearly visible. The river ran down in massive rapids and deep waterfalls and they walked by. Big pine trees were growing here and the road from Riverwood to Whiterun was visible almost all the time. She wanted to get back to the city as soon as possible but he stopped her. He grabbed her hand and turned her around so she was forced to face him.

\- You are not going to marry me, are you? Idolaf asked. - That's why you been avoiding me. Are you trying to let me down easily?

\- I thought about it, like you asked me to, Sura admitted. - But it just doesn't feel right. You...don't feel right.

\- I understand, Idolaf said. - I guess you are looking for something else then. Or someone else?

Sura didn't reply but she knew he could sense it. _There was someone else_. But he didn't seem angry or jealous, why would he be. He didn't want to marry her out of love. He wanted to marry her because of the Empire. Because of the war.

\- Thank you for telling me, Idolaf said finally. - There is no reason why we couldn't remain as friends...or acquaintances.

Yes, he thought. Friends was a little too close. They had never been friends but he didn't hate or despise her. He and his father would just have to find another way now to convince the Jarl that choosing the Empire was the best option he had.

Sura nodded and was glad that this conversation was finally over and she didn't need to be so nervous around him anymore. She even smiled to him a little. He answered to her smile and Sura was sure that Idolaf would find his partner one day, be it because of the war or because of his heart.

\- Well, well, a husky, cynical voice suddenly said. - Look at this, boys. A little soldier and his pet cat taking a walk outside.

As soon as Idolaf heard the voice, he pulled out his sword and pushed her behind him. She had rejected him but there was no reason why he wouldn't defend her, even with his life if it came to that.

A group of men stood on the road. The man who had spoken seemed to be the leader of the rabble. Except - he was no man. He was one of the biggest Orcs she had ever seen. He was tall and muscular, his skin was dark green, his tusks were huge and sharp. He was wearing a tough iron armor and a massive orchish sword hanged from his waist. Sura swallowed and felt fear grip her heart. Idolaf still stood in front of her but she could clearly see that they were outnumbered. The Orc had six sturdy men standing around him and they all grinned sarcastically.

\- Get them, boys! The Orc ordered.

All the men pulled out their swords and axes and rushed forward. Idolaf had been in many battles, he knew how to use his sword and defend himself. The first two men soon lay in the ground moaning and bleeding. Sura realized that she couldn't just stand around doing nothing. She tossed her basket aside and in the midst of the chaos tried to clear her mind and gather the energy she needed to either use one of her destruction spells or conjure a possible flame atrnonach to help them. She backed away from the fighting men and concentrated on her efforts.

But she failed to see the big Orc. He came right at her, he was incredibly fast, and before she could use her spell and release her destructive energy, he grabbed her arm, spun her around and tossed her against the nearest pine tree. She felt the pain in her body, it pierced through her head and she screamed. Her vision began to blur but she crawled up to her feet.

The Orcs strong hand pressed against her neck and he lifted her whole body against the tree trunk. She tried to claw his hand but he only laughed and his blood red eyes gleamed dangerously. She couldn't breathe and she tried to kicking him but he was too strong.

\- Give up, soldier! the Orc yelled. - Or I'm going break this cats neck!

\- Leave her alone! Idolaf shouted and when he momentarily moved his attention away from the battle, a massive war hammer came down in his back and made him fall to his knees. He moaned, grit his teeth and tried to get up. Two strong man were immediately on him and they kept hitting and kicking him until he remained in the ground.

\- Let her go, he still demanded but his voice was now weak and hoarse. - If you hurt her, the Jarl of Whiterun will hunt you down. There isn't a place in Skyrim where you will be safe from his wrath!

\- The Jarl himself! the Orc laughed, removed his hand from Sura's throat and she dropped to the ground coughing and gasping for air. - Did you hear that, boys! The Jarl himself will hunt us down!

The men laughed and Sura was sure she could hear their mocking laughter in her ears for the rest of her days. She also knew that she would never forget Idolaf, beaten down, tired and bloodied. And if she would survive this, she would always be grateful to him, because he had tried to save her, no matter what.

\- Well, if this little fleabag is so important to the Jarl, why don't we send him a message? the Orc chuckled. - Write it down! he ordered and one of the men took some paper and quill from his knapsack.

\- 5000 gold coins, the Orc looked at Sura with his cruel eyes. - If he pays that, then he will get his housecat back...eventually.

Again, they all laughed. The Orc grabbed the paper from his man, read it through, pulled out a serrated dagger, wrapped it around it and then - _Sura gasped_. He lifted exhausted Idolaf to his knees and with one powerful strike, he hit the dagger and the message to his left shoulder. Idolaf screamed and the Orc pulled him closer so that their faces were only couple of inches apart.

\- Make sure the Jarl gets that! the Orc ordered. - And don't die on the way, little soldier!

The Orc came towards her. She tried to crawl away, tried to get to Idolaf, who was now laying on the ground completely motionless.

\- I...Idolaf... she wheezed. - Please...

\- Come on, cat! The Orc picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. - You are going to be our pet now. Don't worry, I'll make sure you are going to enjoy your stay!


	14. Hope is your survival

**14\. Hope is your survival**

J'Ziir and Lydia were among the first ones who saw Idolaf Battle-Born crawl inside the main gate. The two guards at the gate tried to help him, but he pushed them aside. He was staggering from one side to the other like a drunkard. He had pulled the dagger from his shoulder, and as he walked on a trail of blood followed him and soaked into ground.

\- Idolaf! Lydia shouted and rushed to him. - What has happened to you?

\- The Jarl, he mumbled. - I need to see him.

\- Help me! Lydia yelled to the people around her.

As some of the guards ran to help them, J'Ziir noticed that Sura was nowhere to be seen. He remembered clearly that the girl had gone to the plains with this man. If the soldier came back beaten up and bloodied, there wasn't much of a chance that the girl was still alive.

He followed them as Idolaf Battle-Born insisted seeing the Jarl instead of being taken to the temple of Kynareth to be healed. Lydia tried to talk some sense into him but he was stubborn, yanked himself away from his helpers and started to stumble up the stone stairs. Lydia sighed and hurried to help him. Together they made it up the stairs and into the Dragonsreach.

The Jarl was holding a meeting with his Stewart and his brother when Lydia, Idolaf and the two guards came in. J'Ziir followed them, but he didn't try to help. He was mildly interested what had happened to the girl.

\- What's the meaning of this? the Jarl demanded to know.

The exhausted man handed the bloody dagger to his Jarl. Then he passed out and Lydia wasn't able to hold him by herself. Hrongar ordered the guards to take him to the temple to be treated and inform his situations to his parents.

\- What is this? Jarl Balgruuf wondered and rolled out the message that was wrinkled and barely readable. As he made out the words, his face grew pale, he took a step back and sank to his chair.

\- What's happened, my Jarl? Lydia asked. - What did it say?

\- Hrongar, the Jarl turned to his brother. - Send someone to get the Companions. We need their help.

Hrongar wondered what had happened, but didn't ask anything. He nodded and dismissed himself.

\- My Jarl? Lydia asked again. - What...

\- Sura...has been taken, the Jarl uttered and covered his eyes. - They demand 5000 gold coins for her. By the Gods...

\- Taken? Lydia repeated. - By who? Why?

\- This shouldn't be happening, the Jarl murmured. - Our land shouldn't be this dangerous! How can this happen right in our doorstep?

\- Why wouldn't it happen? J'Ziir asked. - Have you tried to make the roads safe for travelers? Do you know just how many bandit groups are out there? Do you know what they are capable of? Not just robbing and blackmailing...they do worse things than that. Especially to women.

\- Dragonborn, the Jarl said. - Your words are harsh and cruel. I have done my best to protect my citizens. But for this to happen now... will you help us to get her back?

J'Ziir was about to refuse, but Lydia's angry eyes made him rethink his position. The girl was probably dead already and trying to her back alive would be difficult, no doubt about that. But at the same time, he did feel partly responsible. She had asked him to accompany her but once again he had refused. And the Nord who went with her, had nearly been killed. So it seemed that there were many of them and he had been completely outnumbered.

He wanted to say no. This could only end badly. But before he could give his answer, the doors opened and two almost identical man walked in. He didn't need to take another look to know who they were. Whiterun's pride, the Companions. Wolf brothers.

\- What has happened? Vilkas asked immediately. - We were told you need our help.

\- Sura has been taken, the Jarl explained. J'Ziir saw how the other man winced and his grey eyes started to burn frantically. The other man - his brother - placed his hand on his shoulder, to calm him or to comfort him, J'Ziir couldn't tell. But he sensed that there was something personal going on here. This girl, this _Khajiit_, was more than just a citizen of Whiterun. She seemed to be very important to almost everyone.

\- Where is she? Farkas growled.

\- They are waiting for the payment in Mistwatch, the Jarl said.

\- That's in Eastmarch, Farkas nodded. - Old, abandoned fort. No wonder the bandits favor it. It will take some time and effort to get there and get her out alive, but we will try.

\- How can you even be sure she's still alive? J'Ziir asked and they all turned to look at him. - Yes, they are expecting the money...maybe. But in the meantime, they are going use her for their amusement. And when they get tired of her they might simply kill her.

\- We are going nevertheless, Vilkas said to the Jarl. - And we will get her back. You have my word.

\- What's the big deal? J'Ziir asked finally. - She's only a Khajiit.

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth, when two sharp swords were pointed at his neck. The other belonged to the Jarl.

\- If you weren't the Dragonborn, he growled. - Your head would roll on the floor. You always blame the Nords for hating your race but shame your own people more than anyone else here. You belittle them, you care nothing for others. But let me remind you. This girl is part of my family. I love her like my own daughter. When she had no real family, we decided to give her one. And now, when she needs us the most, we will not abandon her.

\- Fair enough, J'Ziir nodded. He did not flinch or show any fear nor respect when the sharp blades were raised against him. He only moved his curious eyes to the other man and met his flaming gaze. - And what's your reason for trying to kill me? You love her too?

\- I do, Vilkas said without hesitation. - And I will not tolerate anyone who tries to put her down. No matter what kind of legend you are, _Khajiit_.

\- Please! Lydia yelled and lowered Vilkas' sword. - We don't have time for this.

\- Good luck getting her out alive, J'Ziir said and turned to Lydia. - And since I gave you free will and she's your friend, you are probably going with them.

\- You...are not coming? Lydia asked desperately.

\- She seems to have enough saviors already, J'Ziir glanced at the two men. - Why would I waste my time?

\- Are you serious? Lydia grabbed his arm. - She's needs us all!

\- Not me, J'Ziir said and walked out.

Lydia hesitated for a while. She could still try to get him to change his mind but that would probably be just a waste of time. And Sura needed them - as soon as possible. So she turned towards Vilkas and Farkas.

\- I'm coming with you, she said and they both nodded.

\- We'll meet you at the stables, Farkas said. - Get what you need and be ready to go.

* * *

Her life was filled with pain.

She didn't want to see anything, so she closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear anything so she tried to block her ears as well. She wanted to be invisible so she curled up in the darkest corner, pulled her legs against her chest and wrapped her arms around herself.

She could feel the sticky blood between her thighs and her whole body was aching and throbbing. Every move caused pain. She was broken and shattered. Her left eye was almost swelled up and she couldn't see anything with it. Not that she wanted to.

She felt the cold stone floor against her bare skin. There were some dirty straws in the floor but as soon as they had thrown her in the cell, she had crawled to the farthest corner and only wanted to be alone. To die.

She heard their voices - _his voice_.

_His laughter. _

She hated it. She feared it. If she had any energy left, any will to fight, she would have tried to claw his eyes out. Like she had tried when the Orc grabbed her, tore her clothes off and took what he wanted. She had managed to rip three deep gashes in his face but he had only laughed and then knocked her out with his big fist. And when she came to her senses, he had already done what he wanted and tossed her to another man.

She had lost the sense of time, she didn't know was it night or day. But it didn't matter to her. Not anymore. All she now wanted was to die. To leave this place, leave this world. Shivers ran down her spine when she listened to his steps. Was he coming closer? Was he going to hurt her again? _Please...not again...not anymore..._

She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged herself tighter. Her claws dig in to her flesh but she didn't feel the pain. She only wished that he wouldn't come to her, that he would stay away, that somehow he wouldn't see her or be interested in her.

As she listened to his steps, she didn't notice a calming, gentle voice in her ear. But as he walked away, the voice became a little louder, not much but enough so that she could hear.

_(My dear girl. They are coming to save you.)_

It was a woman's voice. And it was so familiar, so tender and so soft that tears pushed through her closed eyelids. She knew that voice, she had heard it many, many times before.

_(Ma?)_

The voice didn't have a face, but she could remember her touch. Even her laughter. And her mother's arms that wrapped around her, comforting and protecting.

_(Just a little longer, my dear. Wait just a little while. Soon you'll be safe.)_

She wanted to trust in her words, she wanted to believe that what she said was true. That someone was coming and would eventually take her away from this place. That someone would release her from this pain and agony.

_(Ma. If he comes to me again and hurts me, I don't think I can take it. I don't think I can survive it...)_

The voice was suddenly gone. Her hands began to tremble and she curled her tail around her legs. No, she prayed. _Not him! _But she cloud clearly hear his steps now. His steps that were coming closer and closer and closer. And when his big hand pulled the cell door open, she uttered a desperate cry and tried to get away from him. But her body was weak, it was cold and stiff and rigid. Every move made her moan.

\- Hey little fleabag, the Orc laughed mockingly. - Got enough sleep? Ready for another round?

\- No! she hissed and swung her other hand at him. - Don't touch me! Get away!

\- Well that's not very nice, the Orc grabbed her hand and pulled her closer so that her arm almost got dislodged. She cried out in pain but she couldn't match his strength and power. He seized her tail, wrapped it around his hand and she screamed the whole time. Finally he pulled her out of the cell and with her last strength, she dug her nails to the floors. White scratch marks were left in the stone as she was pulled towards the sarcastic laughter that echoed through the fort.


	15. Never abandon, never forget

**15\. Never abandon, never forget  
**

They had traveled through the night. Lydia, Vilkas and Farkas had left Whiterun late in the evening and headed towards East. They hadn't talked much, the situation was too grave for some lighthearted conversation.

Before they left, Lydia had tried to find J'Ziir. But the male Khajiit had vanished like the wind and she didn't have the time to go look for him. For the first time she really loathed him.

Farkas and Vilkas talked very little. Lydia could see that they were both worried about Sura but Vilkas was especially worried. He didn't want to take any breaks and they just rode on through the night, they rushed through the forests over streams and shallow rivers. Vilkas chose the fastest way he could find.

He was deceivingly calm. He didn't talk, his answers to his brother were grunts and groans and Lydia could sense his anger, his will to hurt and smash and kill. She knew that when they would reach Mistwatch, he would be unstoppable. And he would lead them, he would make the necessary decisions to get Sura back alive.

_Gods, please let her be alive_, Lydia prayed. She remembered J'Ziir's words, what he had said about them using her for their "_amusement_". That was probably true, very few creatures in Skyrim new mercy or gave any to their enemies or victims.

As the dawn broke and the sun shone its first rays to the snowy mountains, they passed Darkwater Crossing. They only saw few guards making their rounds, no one else seemed to be awake. They didn't stop, only passed through and headed towards the old fortress. Soon they could see the tall round towers through the mist.

\- Let's leave our horses here, Vilkas ordered. - We don't need to draw their attention yet. We'll make a plan and we work together.

\- We don't know where she is, Lydia jumped to the ground. - And if they hear us coming, they might kill her. So we need to be very careful and stealthy.

\- True, Vilkas nodded. - No need to risk her or anyone else. We go in, we get her and we get out. Is that clear?

\- So, how do we do this? Farkas asked.

\- We need to take a look around first, Vilkas said. - See how many of them are out in the yard. And we need to take them out before they can sound any kind alarm. So, get your bows ready.

\- I already took take of the people outside, familiar voice said behind them. They all turned around, weapons ready to strike. - Whoa! Calm down, J'Ziir raised his hands.

\- What are you doing here? Vilkas growled.

\- Saving the damsel in distress, J'Ziir sneered. - She is at the top. In the East tower.

\- You saw her? Lydia grabbed his hand. - Was she alright?

\- Alive, J'Ziir crossed his arms. - But not alright.

\- How do you know she's up there? Vilkas asked.

\- While I was waiting for you, J'Ziir looked at him. - I snuck in to take a look. They keep her in one of the cells. There are lots of men up there and one really big, angry Orc. Their leader, I imagine. She's in bad shape so we shouldn't waste our time talking out here.

\- You're right, Vilkas said. - We need to move. Farkas, you're coming with me. Lydia, you go with him, Vilkas nodded towards J'Ziir and then looked at him under his eyebrows. - You said you took out most of the people in the yard. How many in the towers?

\- I took them all out, J'Ziir frowned. - I don't know how many there are inside but in the top floor, there are seven men and the big Orc. He propably has spread his men through the lower floors.

\- Alright, is there more than one way in? Vilkas asked.

\- Just one, but the wall is quite easy to climb, J'Ziir said. - I'll go up there if the rest of you take care of the first floors.

\- But can you handle the top floor by yourself? Lydia was worried.

\- I killed a dragon, J'Ziir snapped. - I think I can handle couple of witless bandits.

\- Fine, Vilkas nodded. - We'll take the first floors. _But_, he looked at J'Ziir and his eyes were burning with anger. - You leave the leader to me. Is that clear?

The Khajiit shrugged his shoulders, turned and disappeared quickly and silently. Lydia, Farkas and Vilkas pulled out their swords and approached the fort carefully. When they saw J'Ziir climbing over the high stone wall, they moved faster. There were nearly ten dead bodies laying around the yard. None of them were killed by arrows, almost everyone had a deep, bloody gash in their throats. Lydia felt a little sick as she looked at them. J'Ziir was definitely a masterful warrior, a perfect night predator. Quiet, stealthy and deadly. All of these men were caught off guard and killed in mere seconds.

They ran over the shaky wooden bridge that lead to the first tower. The door creaked as Vilkas pushed it open with his sword. He took one step inside - then without a word ordered the others to follow him. The hallway curved towards right and they checked every room and corner. There were only few men in the first floor and Farkas and Vilkas took care of them quickly. They didn't conserve their anger and rage when they cut of their heads. And they didn't pay attention to the bodies they left behind.

* * *

Meanwhile J'Ziir had snuck up near the large entrance of the top floor. The room was filled with men who were talking, drinking and laughing. He peeked around the corner and saw Sura in the small cell in the other side of the room. The girl didn't move, she was barely breathing. He scanned the room, there were no other exits, only two cells and one smaller room in the right.

He looked at the Orc and remembered Vilkas' words. If the Nord wanted to kill him, he didn't have any objections. _You need to immobilize him_, he told himself. _So he can't move, so he can't hurt you or the girl anymore_. The Orc was clearly the biggest threat in the room, the rest of the rabble were drunken, staggering morons who were barely able to stand let alone defend themselves.

He chose his targets, knew where he would hit them and anticipated their possible moves. And even if his prediction wasn't always right, he was usually able to correct his moves in time. He pulled out his axes, the best weapons he could think of, tensed his body and prepared his muscles to move. Without a warning he rolled out from his hiding place and his axe hit the first man right where he wanted. It slashed his throat and at the same time his second axe already carved its way into another man's skull. Before anyone could properly react and get their weapons, he had already cut the hands of from the third man and wounded the fourth in his stomach.

When the sharp steel sword whizzed in the air next to his head, he bend down, rolled under his attacker and slashed his calves. As he fell down, he smashed his head in with the axe handle. In the corner of his eye he saw the big Orc moving, he got up from his seat, grabbed a huge war axe and charged forward. When he swung his axe, he rolled away and jumped to his feet and the huge blade smashed to the floor right where his body was few seconds ago.

Four men and the big Orc. He stood between them and the cells. The exit was behind them and he knew if he wanted to get out alive, he would have to fight his way through. He wondered how far down Lydia and the others were.

* * *

They were at almost at the second balcony when they heard the screams and the moans coming from the upper levels. Lydia glanced up, grabbed her sword harder and ran forward. Now she was not only worried about Sura but for her Thane as well. He was an excellent fighter, no doubt about that, but even he wouldn't last long if he was outnumbered.

They experienced only weak resistance as they ran upwards. In one of the rooms they saw were five, sleepy bandits and Farkas told Lydia and Vilkas to move on. He would handle them by himself.

They ran up the stairs and were almost ambushed by a group of men that had heard them coming. Vilkas was on the edge of his patience and at that point he didn't care about few cuts and slashes. He was brutal and merciless, he used his sword with expertise and precision. Farkas caught up with them as they were climbing upwards, through the trapdoor on top of the next tower. This was where they had seen J'Ziir climb up. They were almost at the top. Without hesitation they ran forward. The door was ajar and an eerie silence greeted them as they climbed up the stairs. Near the entrance they heard low moaning and soft cries.

Lydia entered the room first. The floor and the walls were filled with blood spatters, there were dead men everywhere. The big Orc leaned against the stone wall, his tendons had been cut off and he couldn't stand. He was the one who kept moaning and apparently the only one alive from the whole group.

J'Ziir was in one of the cells. He had taken one of the dirty sleeping sacks and wrapped it around the unconscious girl. He lifted her in his arms and walked out of the cell.

\- Sura! Lydia yelled and ran to them. - Please...talk to me...

\- She's almost dead, J'Ziir said with a flat voice. - They treated her pretty poorly.

Vilkas lowered his sword and walked up to them. The anger in his eyes melted away and momentarily they were filled with deep regret and sadness. He raised his hand and touched her face, lightly and softly. Then he backed away and moved his eyes to the Orc.

\- You take her away from here, he said and his eyes started to burn again. - We'll catch up with you. After we handle things in here.

\- She's quite weak, J'Ziir said. - I don't know can she handle to the journey back to Whiterun.

\- Here, Lydia said and picked some potions underneath her armor. - I had a feeling we would need these. Come on, Sura...drink up, you'll feel better after this.

\- Get going! Vilkas ordered and took few steps closer to the Orc.

J'Ziir nodded, pulled the girl closer - she was as light as a feather - and they headed towards the stairs. In the entrance he took one last look back and saw Vilkas throw his sword to the ground. He also took of his armor. He could hear low growling, it was deep and animalistic, like some brutal and bloodthirsty predator had suddenly gotten lose.

Lydia yanked his arm and as they descended the stairs, they could hear the Orc screaming, his screams were filled with terror and fear. And then there was another sound, two terrifying roars that echoed through the hallways of the Mistwatch Fort.


	16. The road to the past

**16\. The road to the past**

They arrived in Whiterun late that evening. Farkas and Vilkas gained Lydia and J'Ziir near the city. They didn't explain what they had done in Mistwatch and J'Ziir didn't want to know. It was enough that the girl was saved and the bandits were dead. They rode in through the gates and up the stairs straight to Dragonsreach. The Jarl and Farengar were eagerly waiting for their return and none of them seemed surprised when they saw the male Khajiit with the others.

J'Ziir carried Sura to her room and the Jarl sent for Danica Pure-Spring. She arrived and they placed Sura in her capable hands. Now they were all waiting in the longhouse. Vilkas and Farkas refused to return to Jorrvaskr before they knew how she was doing.

Lydia was nervous and worried. She wanted to go see her friend and be by her side, but time and time again the priestess told her to wait. So, she walked back and forth, biting her lower lip and glancing towards Sura's room.

The only one who didn't seem that interested was J'Ziir. He seemed unconcerned but he actually listened very closely what everyone was saying. He didn't want the girl to die, he had - after all - seen pretty much trouble to get her out of her prison.

He placed his hand on his knee and only then remembered his loot. Before the others had arrived, he had rummaged through the fort as much as he dared and gathered the most valuable items in his own pockets. From one of the strongboxes he had found a real treasure. Gold, gemstones and jewelry. He didn't have time to sort all the necklaces and rings so he just stuffed most of it inside his coin purse.

He took the purse in his hand, opened it and poured its contents to the table. The Jarl glanced at him but didn't say anything. He started to sift through his findings. The most valuable pieces he could sell, like the golden necklaces and the sapphire rings. He could also get rid of the rubies and emeralds, he had no use for them. And the more money he had, the better weapons he could get and be more prepared to leave this city and head towards Windhelm.

And then - his heart skipped a beat. Like the people around him suddenly stopped moving. Like there was no one else in the room, he only saw the one jewel he had searched for the past twenty years.

His hand trembled as he picked up the small golden pendant. The golden crescent moon. He blinked his eyes and held his breath. _Could it really be...?_

The jewel glowed weakly in the dim light. He lifted the necklace to his eyes. Was it really her necklace? Could there be another one just like it? Besides his own...

_Zahraji..._

They heard soft steps and Danica Pure-Spring walked into the hall. They all looked up at her, she walked to the Jarl and bowed.

\- She's stable now, she said. - I have healed her physical wounds. I used my most powerful spells. She needs to rest now.

\- Did she wake up? the Jarl asked and the woman shook her head.

\- It seems that those men...were extremely brutal, the priestess said. - Her body is alright but I'm afraid there isn't a spells or a potions that could cure her mind. We only see the full damage when she wakes up. And that will take some time.

\- Thank you, the Jarl said. - I appreciate all you've done. It seems we can do nothing but wait now.

The priestess nodded. She said she would return the next day and check up on her again. She turned to Farengar and explained shortly what potions she had used and what their possible effects were. Then she bowed once again and headed to the door. The Jarl sighed, stood up from his chair and walked upstairs. His steps were heavy and tired.

As soon as he was gone, Lydia ran in to Sura's room, sat beside her and grabbed her hand. She lifted it to her cheek and tried hard not to weep. Sura looked peaceful in her sleep. But Lydia sensed it wasn't normal sleep, she wouldn't wake up even if she tried to scream and shake her. But this is good, she thought. She needs this, she needs to rest and gather her strength.

Lydia didn't notice Farkas and Vilkas standing at the door, both men seemed exhausted. Vilkas took one step closer, he wanted to touch her, give some of his strength to her, somehow convince her to fight and survive. But it was like the thin thread that once was between them, was suddenly gone and severed. Those first beautiful buds that were almost open, almost ready to bloom, were now dead and withered.

Vilkas turned around, his brother tried to slow him down, but he pushed him aside and stormed off. His rage was too close to the surface, it was almost impossible to hold it in.

J'Ziir didn't see or hear them go. He was still sitting at the table. He held the necklace and stared at it. Then he pulled his own pendant from under his cuirass and placed it next to the one he had found.

_They are identical_, he swallowed. There are two necklaces like this in this world. Mine...and _hers_. How had it ended up in Mistwatch? he thought. Well, it was a bandit camp and they had probably stolen it from somewhere. This doesn't mean anything...it doesn't mean that she's..._alive_. And there was no way of telling how it had ended up in Mistwatch. No one to tell where it had come from, to who had it belonged to.

\- That's Sura's necklace, Lydia was suddenly next to her. - I can't believe you found it.

\- What do you mean? J'Ziir frowned. - It's hers?

\- Yes, Lydia nodded. - It's pretty important to her. You should give it back.

\- How long has she had it? J'Ziir stood up and grabbed her shoulders. - How long?

\- E..ever since she came here, Lydia stuttered. - Wh..why are you so angry again?

J'Ziir didn't answer. He squeezed the necklace, pushed Lydia aside and hurried to Sura's room. When Lydia saw where he was going, she ran after him. She tried to stop him at the door, but he didn't care about her. He tossed her aside and rushed to the bed, grabbed the unconscious girl from her shoulders and shook her.

\- Zahraji! he yelled. - Is it you? Answer me! Is it really you? Raji!

\- Stop it! Lydia shouted and tore him away. - What do you think you're doing? Get away from her!

\- Just...talk to me, Zahraji, he still tried. - If it's you...

\- J'Ziir! Stop! Lydia slapped him on his face. She was shocked by her own actions, covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head. - I'm...sorry...I don't...

The slap seemed to wake him up from his frantic dream. He took a step back and looked around like he didn't know where he was. He looked at Sura and then Lydia. She had never seen him like this, his eyes filled with vanishing hope, sadness and even fear. He reached out his hand and handed the necklace to her.

\- If it's so important, he finally said. - Give it back to her.

Then he left.

* * *

_What were you thinking? _he asked himself when he headed towards the Bannered Mare. Of course it's not her, she is nothing like her. And she would recognize you, she would know. But why then...why she had the necklace? Who gave it to her?

He just wanted to forget the whole incident. He opened the door to the inn, walked straight to the counter and ordered some mead. Hulda didn't argue but she looked at him little suspicious. J'Ziir had never drank mead before, he had in fact said that he didn't like it.

But here he was now. Drinking. As an Innkeeper, Hulda knew not ask guestions. And the Dragonborn looked as he might shout the first person to death who started asking guestion.

J'Ziir emptied the first bottle in seconds and Hulda brought her two more. He promised to pay, she didn't have to worry about that. He would always pay his dept.

\- Didn't you say the Drunken Huntsman has better drinks? a familiar female voice said next to him. - How come you are drinking here then?

J'Ziir looked up and saw the annoying face of his housecarl, the face of his personal slave. He sneered but didn't stop drinking.

\- When you are desperate, everything goes down, he noted.

She didn't say anything, only sat down and looked at him. For some time he could handle her piercing gaze, but eventually it began to irritate him.

\- What are you staring at? he snapped at her with a tone she knew so well.

\- Who's Zahraji? Lydia asked guietly.

\- No one, J'Ziir said and his voice made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it. But Lydia wasn't about to listen to him and she definitely wasn't about to give up.

\- She can't be no one, she sighed. - Clearly she is someone important. Maybe...your wife?

\- You think I'm marriageable? J'Ziir glanced at her and nodded at Hulda who brought more mead to the counter. - You think there's a woman on Nirn who would tolerate me?

\- Let's say you have one of those faces only a mother could love, Lydia joked, but her attemps to inspire laughter or even a sarcastic smirk were all in vain. He frowned and turned back to his mead. - Well, if she is not your wife, then who is she? Lydia insisted. - And what's with the necklace? Why is so important?

\- Can't you just...let it go? J'Ziir looked at her. - I'm tired.

\- No, I can't let it go, Lydia shook her head. - Because it has something to do with Sura. And she's my best friend, like my sister. So, I'll ask again. Who is Zahraji?

He remained quiet. He thought what to say and how to say it. He wasn't obligated to explain his life to her. But if he wouldn't answer, she would just keep pestering, just keep asking. And her voice irritated him. So, he answered, truthfully and simply.

\- Raji, he said. - Was my sister.

\- Was? Lydia asked.

\- She died, J'Ziir nodded. - Years ago, along with the rest of my family.

\- Are you sure? Lydia asked. - That she died?

\- I didn't see her body, J'Ziir said. - But she was pushed off a cliff. Into a river filled with waterfalls and rapids. It's hard for me to imagine that she could have survived. She was only five years old.

\- I'm so sorry, Lydia touched his arm but he pulled away from her.

\- I don't need your pity, he hissed and gulped down some more mead.

\- Why then...all the fuss about the necklace? Lydia wondered. She was becoming a master when it came to ignoring his hateful comments and remarks. - If you know your sister is dead?

\- That necklace, he said. - It belonged to her. There's only two of them in this world, one for her and the other for me, he said, drank down another bottle and then turned to look at her. - So, now you know. Satisfied?

\- Yes, Lydia nodded. - But...

\- Be quiet, J'Ziir placed his finger on top of her mouth. - I don't want to talk about it anymore. You already squeezed more out of me that I was about to tell. Don't push your luck, _slave_.

\- Housecarl! Lydia corrected.

\- Whatever, J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Hulda, give me more.

\- I've think you've had quit enough already, Lydia said, turned to Hulda and shook her head. - Let's go. You need some sleep too, Dragonborn.

\- Who are you to say when I've had enough? J'Ziir looked at her critically. – Since when did you gained the right to command me? To tell me what to do...

\- I am not trying that, Lydia shook her head. - I'm trying to look after you. As a housecarl should.

\- A housecarl or a wife? J'Ziir stood up and he was swaying so much that Lydia grabbed his hand to prevent him from falling. - Want to hold my hand? he sneered.

\- I don't know where you get the ridicilous idea that I'd want to be your wife, Lydia sighed. – Are you so desperate that you would actually settle for a Nord?

\- You despise me, J'Ziir said. – I can hear it in your voice. You only serve me because you were forced to do so...

\- Don't you remember giving me free will to do so, Lydia argued. – I'm here because I care. Let' go then...

\- Get away from me, woman, J'Ziir shaked her off and as he yanked his hand free, he almost lost his balance and fell backwards. – I have places to be...

\- You can barely walk straight, Lydia stated. - Where do you think you are going?

\- For another round, J'Ziir burped and Lydia held her nose in disgust. - To the Drunken Huntsman...

\- Oh, no you're not, Lydia pushed him backwards and looked at Hulda. - Is the room upstairs still available?

She nodded and started to gather the empty bottles away. Lydia paid for the room and for the drinks even though she tried to explain that it wasn't necessary.

\- Are you going to seduce me now? J'Ziir mumbled as Lydia pulled him towards upstairs. - Take advantage of me when I'm vulnerable?

\- Oh, you saw through my sneaky plans! All my life I have wanted nothing more than to seduce and tame a wild animal like you, Lydia rolled her yes, lead him up the stairs and tried to make sure he didn't stumble or fall downstairs.

\- Sometimes it's better to be an animal, J'Ziir snapped and leaned against the wall as Lydia opened the door. Then, before she could guide him inside, he grabbed her shoulders and slammed her back against the wall. - You don't have to explain things or be reasonable. You don't need to listen annoying women asking about your past. You just do what your instincts tell you.

\- It seems to me, Lydia argued and pushed him back towards the room. - That you have already abandoned that part of your brain. You know, the part that makes you a human instead of an animal.

\- But I'm not a human, J'Ziir sneered. - Why should I act like one?

She sighed again and tried to direct him towards the bed. – Get some sleep.

\- I can't sleep on a foreign bed when I'm drunk, he stopped suddenly and she pumped against his back.

\- What are you talking about? Lydia yelled. - You don't own a bed in this city. In fact, you don't own a bed anywhere in Skyrim because you haven't bought a house, no matter how many times I have suggested it.

\- I don't want to own anything in this filthy land! J'Ziir snapped. - You want me to buy a house so that you can play my wife? J'Ziir crossed his arms. - I think not. And besides, aren't you already acting like a wife? Nagging me about things I haven't done. Shouldn't a housecarl be a little more careful with her words?

\- It doesn't matter what I say, Lydia noted. - You never listen to me anyway.

\- And still, you keep repeating the same things, J'Ziir smiled. - That's why I like you.

\- Is that some new, twisted way to insult me, Lydia asked. - First saying that you like me and then...

\- Of course it would offend you, J'Ziir started to remove his armor. - For you to find out that this _cat_ actually finds you rather attractive.

Lydia's mouth hanged open, she wasn't sure had she heard him right. Or understood him right.

\- Too bad, your not into Khajiits, he continued casually and a self-righteous smirk rose in to his face. - I can almost imagine you...naked, sweaty, moaning, screaming, begging for more. Tell me...could I make you beg for more?

Suddnely her mouth felt incredibly dry, she tried to swallow but all she felt was the enourmous lump that had formed in her throat.

\- What are you talking about? she stuttered and back away from him. – Get some sleep.

\- Making you uncomfortable, am I? he laughed. – For a moment I actually considered you as my mate. Have you heard anything so ridicilous in your life? he kept laughing and fell to the bed. Lydia turned to the door but her hand stopped in the mid air and she was having difficulties to breath. It's just the mead talking, she said to herself. It's not him.

\- W...why? Lydia turned slowly around. Even if he had said it as a joke, as something utterly laughable, she still wanted to know if some parts of what he said, was true. Even if only a small, tiny portion. Nothing that Hadvar had ever said, nothing in their upcoming marriage had ever made her look for answers this eagerly.

His laughter quieted down, he stood upright and sat on the edge of the bed. His blue eyes were softer and darker, more intensive.

\- If I had someone here, he whispered and pressed his hand against his chest. - Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid.

\- Afraid? she repeated. – Afraid of what?

At first, it seemed he didn't hear her guestion. It was like he was all alone, almost talking to himself. He didn't start to spit vicious words around like an angry spider spat its venom.

\- This hate, he finally said. His eyes were focused on somewhere else, somewhere far beyond this room. - It consumes me. Swallows me, and it tears off the last bits of goodness and kindness that I might still have. When that happens...

He didn't continue. Lydia swallowed. She had never seen him open up this much and for the first time she could clearly see some of the reasons behind his feelings. He was lonely, extremely so. Lonely and afraid. His will of revenge drove him ahead, made him turn people away, build thick, unpenetrable walls around him. His revenge was his only purpose.

\- When that happens, he continued and now his eyes shifted, looked straight at her and made her feel weak and afraid, not for herself, but for him. - Then I am truly the animal you always thought I was.

\- Let go of your anger, Lydia said softly. Her heart reached out for him, she couldn't have stopped it even if she tried. She felt the urge to comfort him, to hold him and replace all the hatred with something better. With care, friendship and even love.

_Love._

\- It's been with me all these years, he sighed. - It has kept me going. It's like dark, thick veil that lingers around me. A smoke that only I can see and feel and touch. I have lived with it so long...without it, I don't have a purpose. I can't survive...

\- But you have a purpose! Lydia hurried to him, kneeled in front of him and grabbed his hands. - You are the Dragonborn...

As soon as the word slipped out of her mouth, he changed.

His ears turned backwards, his eyes grew colder. Even in his alcohol hazed mind he hated to hear that name. In fact, it infuriated him even more now than when he was sober.

\- You and your Nord legends, he pulled his hands back and stood up. - It's not a purpose. It's a duty that was forced upon me by your people and the Greybeards.

\- You still hate this country and its people? Lydia asked. - After everything you've seen and done? After you played so happily with Mila? After you saved Sura?

\- Oh, now is a good time to throw it all back to my face, isn't it? he growled.

\- If she's your sister, Lydia started. - If Sura is your sister...

\- What did I just...

\- Hear me out! Lydia interrupted him. - This is her homeland. She has no memories of her childhood. This is where she has been living most of her life. And unlike you, she loves this land. She loves its people. And she loves a man, who is a Nord!

\- And your point is? J'Ziir looked at her.

\- Your duty, Lydia said. - Do it. Be the Dragonborn, save Skyrim!

\- Have your heard nothing I've said? J'Ziir stepped closer.

\- Do it for her, Lydia didn't let his cold sarcastic tone throw her off. - If this land is not safe, she is not safe. Above all else, you always wanted to keep your sister safe, right? Your only family...

She looked at him and she saw no softness in his eyes. He wasn't going to give up, he was going his own way despite her pleas and requests. And still she wanted to change his mind. Give up this foolish vengeance. Why? she asked herself. What are you so afraid of? That he might not come back.

_That he might die._

\- The hate that's in here, she walked closer and pressed her hand against his chest, she could feel his steady, strong heart beating against her palm. - Replace it with the affection you have for her.

They stood like that for a moment, silently. Lydia didn't dare look into his eyes. She had never been this close to him before. It felt oddly comforting, intimate, arousing. But she knew what he was like. He didn't need women, comfort or warmth.

Before he could grab her, touch her – for that was what he wanted now, to caress her soft skin, to feel her body against his - she turned away and walked to the door.

She didn't want to face him, she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes. But just as well she didn't see him, trying to reach out for her. His hand trembled when it was only few inches away from her shoulder. And as she walked out, for the first time he wished, she could have been more than just his housecarl.


	17. I have darkness

**17\. I have darkness**

As he walked out from the Dragonsreach, he heard his brother's steps behind him. But he didn't slow down. He didn't greet the guards, he didn't look around, he just kept going until he was at the training yard. Farkas followed him there, but he didn't try to stop him or get him to talk.

They both knew talking wouldn't help in this situation.

He took his armor off and tossed it aside. Then he pulled out his sword and struck the training dummies again and again. Despite the cold night air, he was sweating but not because of the exertion. His anger was boiling over.

\- Are you going to destroy every dummy we have? Farkas asked him when he kept hitting even when the first two training stands were laying on the ground broken and torn.

He didn't answer. He kept hitting, over and over again but the feeling never left him. How powerless he felt. He hadn't been able to protect the one he loved. He hadn't been able to keep her safe, out of harm's way. And now, she was laying there, broken and destroyed, lost in her own nightmare worlds. She was beyond his reach, even if he tried to hold her, to comfort her, she would just probably shun away and hide from him.

\- Leave the dummies alone, Farkas grabbed his arm and turned him around. - There's a live target here too.

\- I don't want to hurt you, Vilkas grunted and yanked his arm away.

\- You can try, Farkas grinned and pulled out his sword. - Just one piece of advice, brother. Leave your brains out of this one. Thinking isn't going to help you now.

Without warning Vilkas charged. Farkas saw it in his eyes, so he dodged and returned his strike with his sword. The steel clanked together and Farkas danced around his opponent. He realized that this was different than their usual sparring. He didn't mind few superficial wounds or scratches but he also knew that Vilkas didn't want to injure him. There was someone else he wanted to kill. Over and over again. But he had already torn the Orc to pieces, slowly and painfully. Farkas had never seen his brother so brutal, so cruel. Vilkas didn't torment his victims. He always made sure they died quick and painlessly.

He got out the way just in time when Vilkas swung his sword towards him. His eyes were burning, he was growling and roaring like a madman and the blood vessels in his arms were bulging. His muscles were tense and his teeth were bared and sharp. Vilkas charged him over and over again, without hesitation, without thinking about the consequences. And every time Farkas was able to ward him off, to dodge and to make sure neither of them were hurt or injured. He knew Vilkas was beyond reason, talking wouldn't help, he wouldn't even hear his voice. He didn't counter attack, he only defended himself.

He didn't know how long it took when he saw Vilkas starting to change. His neck grew thicker, his eyes turned yellow, his claws got sharper and his muscles cracked and stretched. Farkas threw his sword away, attacked his brother and tackled him to the ground. He pressed his whole weight against him, locked his arms against his body and pushed his head towards the rocky ground. He knew this was the most painful part of the transformation, no matter how many times it happened. There was another being inside your body, a massive beast that wanted to get out, rip you to pieces. When your bones cracked and your muscles and tendons stretched and grew. When all you could do was breath in short agonizing gasps trying to get as much air in your lungs as you could. But the worst part was being stuck in the middle of the transformation. You weren't a man nor a beast. For some reason your body couldn't do it, but your brain wanted to drive you there anyway. They kept bumping adrenaline in your blood, but all you could do was shout in agony and wait until it was over.

Like Vilkas was doing now.

Farkas couldn't remember when was the last time his brother had let this happen. Vilkas had always been in control, he always knew when to turn and when not. And lately, he didn't want to become the beast that often. He wanted to be a man, not an animal. Aela and Skjor sometimes asked to join them for a hunt and Farkas usually agreed but Vilkas didn't. It had been a long time since they had all been hunting together.

\- You can get off me now, Vilkas said with a suppressed voice. - I'm alright.

\- You sure? Farkas asked. - You know as well as I do that you can't turn here. In the woods, that's fine. Under the Skyforge, that's fine. But in the middle of Whiterun...

\- I know, just get off me! Vilkas tried to push him away.

Farkas stood up but was ready to contain him again if he still wasn't in full control of himself. He pulled his brother up, he was dripping with sweat but the fierce look in his eyes was finally gone.

\- You want to talk about it? Farkas asked and picked up his sword.

\- What's there to talk about? Vilkas looked at him. - Talking isn't going to change anything.

\- No, Farkas agreed. - But it might help. Isn't that what you always say? Try using your words before your sword. Sometimes words can be more powerful than any sword.

\- When did I say that? Vilkas frowned and Farkas smiled.

\- When we were just whelp and you always lost to me, Farkas grinned.

\- Shut up, Vilkas smacked his brother in the back of his head. - Like there was a time when I lost to you. Keep dreaming, ice brain!

Mission accomplished, Farkas thought when his brother smiled a little. After today he had been afraid that Vilkas might never smile again. Not that he smiled very often, it was a kind of a special occasion when he did.

\- You just need to be a little more patient, Farkas said when they climbed up the stone stairs and sat in one of the tables at the porch. - You've been patient for years, what's couple more days going to do.

Vilkas didn't answer. He looked up at the Dragonsreach. It wouldn't be just a few days, he knew it. Sura wasn't the kind of woman who would find strength and confidence for what had happened to her. It would probably just make her more timid, more shy and ashamed of herself.

And she would always remember the Orc. He would always be there, somewhere in the back of her head, laughing, grinning and repeating all the horrible things she had gone through.

\- You love her, right? Farkas suddenly asked.

\- Why do you ask? Vilkas frowned.

\- You wouldn't be so angry if you didn't, Farkas said. - You love her, even though she's a Khajiit.

\- So what? Vilkas snapped.

\- That's good enough, Farkas smiled and stood up. – It's not like cross-species relationships are frowned upon. I for one have waited quite a long time to call her my sister-in-law. I know you are honorable, maybe a bit too much. The Jarl knows it too.

They sat together for a while, looking up at the sky that was dotted with stars. Finally, Farkas stood up and picked up his sword. - I think I'm heading to the Bannered Mare. Women love men who are just fresh out of battle. Or so I hear.

Vilkas chuckled, watched his brother walk down the stairs and over the yard. When he disappeared behind the corner, he stood up and walked back to the training yard. He picked up his armor and moaned as he bend down. His ribs were still soar and his muscles ached but other than that, he was feeling slightly better.

If one can feel any better in this situation, he thought as he walked inside. There was no one in the mead hall and he continued straight downstairs to his room. When he opened the door, he immediately saw the book on his table.

He had found it couple of days ago when he came back to Jorrvaskr. He and Farkas had been near Morthal, some bandit group was disturbing local farmers and stealing their livelihood. When they had returned, the book had been before his door. He felt kind of regretful that he hadn't been there when Sura had visited, but he thought there would probably be lots of opportunities in the future.

Now he doubted that. She would never again step in his room, she wouldn't come here to learn, share her feelings or memories. He had tossed the book to his table, he hadn't browsed it through and he hadn't noticed the neatly folded message between the pages.

He placed his armor in its stand and his sword in the weapons rack against the wall. He grabbed the book and was about to set it back on the shelf but the piece of paper between the pages glided to the floor. He picked it up and rolled it open. It contained only few lines and many of the words were misspelled but that didn't matter to him. What mattered was the message. The message that Sura had left him.

He staggered to his bed. His knees gave up and he collapsed. For a long time he only sat there, squeezing the note in his hand. He covered his eyes with his other hand and for the first time in his life, the tears broke through. He didn't make a sound, but his shoulders shook and he gasped for air. If he had known sooner...if he had read it sooner...he would have accompanied her to anywhere, anytime. And he would have done anything to prevent this from happening to her.

_"I have darkness. I have no memories. _

_No family. No past. _

_But I have you. _

_And you have my heart. You have my future._

_You are my family." _


	18. First light of dawn

**18\. First light of dawn**

_The big, muscular man was the first thing she saw when she climbed up the high stone stairs. She was squeezing a blue stuffed rabbit against her chest, it gave her little courage. The man had long, brown hair and a thick beard. She stopped at the top of the stairs and stared him with her round, blue eyes._

_\- Well, look who's here, a nice looking woman saw her and kneeled down in front of her. - Aren't you a cute one? What's your name, little girl? _

_She didn't answer. She had no name. _

_The woman looked friendly and she wasn't afraid of her. She smiled to her and brushed her cheek with her hand. _

_\- The Skyforge is no place for a child, the man said and his voice was low and deep. _

_\- She seems interested, the woman said and followed her gaze. She was looking at the forge, how the sparks flew when the man was hitting the steel blade with the big hammer. - Does it look interesting, dear? _

_\- Pang, pang, she pointed at the anvil. - It says pang, pang. _

_\- Yes, it does, the woman laughed. - The hammer makes that sound as it hits the metal. _

_\- What does it do to the metal? she asked and stepped closer. - Why it needs to be hit? _

_\- To mold it, the woman said. - To make the metal into swords or shields or jewelry. _

_She was still holding the rabbit but now she was more interested of the glowing metal, it was hot and red like the setting sun and the sparks were like little stars that shone for a moment and then passed out. _

_She looked at the man who was using the hammer, he looked concentrated and a little angry. But he wasn't scary looking...not like..._

_There her thoughts ended. She didn't know who she was thinking, because there was no one she could see or remember. But she knew there had been a really scary person...someone she didn't want to see again. _

_\- Want to try? the man asked suddenly. _

_She didn't hesitate. She tossed the rabbit aside and the man places a big wooden box before the anvil. He lifted her on top of it and then he guided her hands, the other grabbed the pliers and kept the hot metal in place, the other wrapped around the hammer. His big hands covered hers and he kept his pace slow and gentle. Small hits caused only small sparkles to fly. _

_She giggled and felt that the man behind her also laughed. He wasn't scary at all. The woman stood beside them and she smiled also. _

_She didn't hear the hurried steps in the stairs. A girl ran up to the forge, her brown hair was tangled and her green eyes were glinting._

_\- Oh, here she is, Lydia sighed. - I thought I lost her. _

_\- Is she your friend? the woman asked. _

_\- She lives with us in the Dragonsreach, Lydia explained. - She's...family. I'm sorry if she disturbed you..._

_\- Oh, no, the woman shook her head. - She's actually the first one who is interested in Eorlund's work. Our children aren't interested. Olfina only thinks about boys and Avulstein and Thorald are interested in sword fighting. _

_\- If she wants, Eorlund said finally. - There's no reason why she...couldn't come here every now and then. _

_\- Didn't you just said that the Skyforge isn't a place for a child? his wife remarked._

_\- Can't a man change his mind, woman? Eorlund grunted. _

_\- Of course, dear, his wife smiled. - Of course. _

* * *

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was the ceiling. It wasn't made of rock, it was wooden. And she wasn't laying on the cold stone floor but under soft, warm blankets. She moved her eyes from the ceiling to the door. _I am in the Dragonsreach_, she thought hazily. _If I'm here...then..._

As soon as she let her mind wonder, the fear jumped in. She looked around, frantically. _He isn't here_, she thought. She squeezed the blanket and her hands shook. But if he is...if he is here somehow...

She heard soft steps and even though they didn't resemble his heavy pace at all, she couldn't help herself. Her hands were trembling and she fought hard to keep herself calm.

\- Sura? Lydia peeked in. - Are you awake?

\- Ly..Lydia, she stuttered. Her friend rushed next to her and she grabbed her arms like her life depended on it. - Is...is...he he-here?

\- You're safe now, Sura, Lydia calmed her. - No one is going to hurt you. I promise.

She backed away, wrapped her arms around her legs and stared at the door. She couldn't take her eyes away from it. _Lydia is lying_, she thought. _He is here_. _I know he is. I know he is! _

\- Sura, Lydia took her cold hand into hers. - It's alright. He is dead.

Her words didn't sink in, they meant nothing to her. She remembered every detail, every gesture, every word and every sound the Orc had made. She even remembered his breath and the calluses in his rough hands. He wasn't dead. He was alive in her mind, in her memories. Her brain would keep him alive always. _Always_. Because her brain wouldn't let her forget.

\- Lydia, Farengar stepped into the room and as soon as Sura saw him, she let out a fearful cry, backed even further away and covered her head with her hands.

\- Sura, it's alright, Lydia tried. - It's only Farengar. You know him...

\- Go away, Sura whined. - Go away. Don't let him near me. Don't...

It wasn't Farengar, it was the Orc who had somehow managed to take the court wizard's appearance. It was some weird transformation magic, something she had never experienced. He had killed Farengar and was now followed her to the Dragonsreach. He had managed to fool everyone.

Farengar watched the girl who was trembling at the corner of her bed, covering her head. The only sound she made was that wretched, terrified moan. This girl had never been afraid of him. But now she couldn't even look at him. He had seen the look in her eyes, she saw her tail curled up around her legs and her ears were drawn back.

Farengar left the room and walked back to his workroom. It seemed that for the first time in his life, the spells or the potions couldn't help him.

\- Sura, Lydia tried again and touched her hand. - Please, believe me. You're safe now.

\- I'm never safe, she cried. - Don't you see. He will always find me. He is always here, Sura pointed her head and tears rolled down her face. - He never dies, he never leaves me alone. For the rest of my life, I will always hear his laughter. And I will always remember what he did.

\- It's alright, Lydia pulled her in her arms and tried to hold her own tears back. - You need to process what's happened. I understand that. But don't let him control you. Don't let him live. You have the power to finish him off.

Sura couldn't answer because she could only cry. Lydia hugged her and neither of them noticed that the Jarl and Farengar arrived at the door. The two men had never felt so helpless. They had seen and lived through many things. The war was still ravaging the land and now there were the Dragons too.

The Jarl had seen the horrors of the battlefields, he could never really forget them. He had seen all kinds of things, and he had always managed to help people, that's why he wanted to be the Jarl. To help those in need. But now - he couldn't do anything. He couldn't even comfort her, because it seemed that she didn't allow anyone else near her except Lydia. She was the only one Sura trusted.

\- Good, Lydia smiled and wiped her tears. - It's a good thing you cry. You need to get it out of your system. Just cry, as much as you need, alright.

She nodded and looked down. She couldn't bring herself to smile yet, she had no reason to smile. Instinctively she lifted her hand to her neck, she had always found strength and comfort from her necklace. _But you lost it_, she remembered. _He took if from you! _But there it was, back in her neck. The same familiar shape under her fingers.

\- How...? she asked.

\- A friend of mine found it, Lydia explained. _A friend, indeed_, she thought. - I told him it was important to you, so he gave it back.

\- I was sure I would never see it again, Sura whispered. - Thank you.

\- Sura, Lydia began. - Do you know someone named...Zahraji?

\- No, Sura answered. - Why do you ask?

\- Does it sound familiar? Lydia enquired. - Like you might have heard that name before?

She shook her head. - Well, never mind then, Lydia waved her hand. - You still need to rest. Don't worry about it.

Lydia stood up. When she saw the fear in her friends eyes, she promised she wouldn't leave her. She sat to a small chair next to the bed and watched over her until she finally fell asleep. But even then, she didn't move. She was thinking about what J'Ziir had told her. About his sister, that she had been pushed to a river.

She remembered the day when they had found Sura. She was standing in the middle of the road. She had a blue dress with little white flowers on it. She had been completely wet, her fur was dirty and it was filled with pine needles and dead leaves. But even then, she had the necklace.

And she remembered that the jewel had been brighter back then. It shone in the dark, it glowed and sparkled. Like it was enchanted. Filled with magic. But over the years, the glow had disappeared. Now it was no more than a beautiful golden pendant.

But Lydia wondered what else was hidden in Sura's and J'Ziir's past. And what had really happened all those years ago?


	19. Too hard to forget

**19\. Too hard to forget**

The life in the Dragonsreach was as normal as it could be. The days passed by, the Jarl received visitors, Irileth was still on her guard, Farengar worked in his laboratory and Proventus Avenicci helped the Jarl in day to day, mostly rather trivial matters.

But Sura didn't leave her room.

The maids took food to her because she didn't even go to the kitchen to eat. If they hadn't taken anything to her, she might have starved herself. After the first few days, she had fallen into her own world. Lydia was the only one who got through to her. But even she was locked outside the sturdy, unbreakable walls Sura had built around her.

The once so young and happy girl they all knew and liked, had disappeared. She lived as a prisoner to her own memories, she only slept when she was too tired to stay awake and many nights she woke the whole reach with her piercing, agonizing screams. Farengar didn't dare to wake her anymore, he had once tried but she had gotten so scared that she had clawed three deep gashes in his arms and one across his face.

When she had nightmares, Lydia was the only one who dared to wake her. And afterwards Sura was always deeply regretful and sorry to have awaken everyone else. But she was also scared. She sat in the corner of her bed, stared the wall and her body trembled. She had lost weight and her skinny appearance made Lydia even more worried. And because she didn't go outside, she didn't really take care of herself anymore, her fur wasn't like it used to be. It wasn't shiny and groomed, it wasn't even that white anymore. The old Sura had always wanted to take care of her fur, she liked its white color and she wanted to keep it clean and neat.

After one of those nights, Lydia talked to her father and to the Jarl. She wanted to help her friend, but she didn't know how. Nothing seemed to help and her nightmares didn't leave her alone.

\- Danica has been here many times, Lydia said. - But even she hasn't been able to offer any advice. There isn't a potion that can cure her mind. Her memories haunt her.

\- She is afraid of men, the Jarl sighed. - She's afraid to leave her room. Isn't there a way we could coax her outside? Even just to the porch?

\- It would be a start, Lydia agreed. - I can try, but I can't promise anything. But there is another problem...

\- Now what? Jarl Balgruuf asked.

\- The Dragonborn wants to leave the city, Lydia said. - I have no idea where he is going, he hasn't told me. But it seems that I must follow him. And when I'm gone, there is no one here to take care of her.

Jarl Balgruuf shook his head. - What can we do?

\- I have an idea, Lydia looked at them. - There is a Dunmer at the Drunken Huntsman. She is a mercenary, but she seems honorable and strong and she is willing to serve the one that pays the prize. I know, her fee is quite high. But if Sura had someone, a woman preferably, to protect her and follow her around, maybe she could...open up again.

\- That could be a solution, Hrongar admitted. - Something we should consider.

\- Hmm, the Jarl nodded. - What's this woman's name?

\- Janessa, Lydia said. - I don't think she is employed now. And I believe that she is asking her fee only once. But I suggest that you pay her a little more because she would probably have to look after her almost around the clock.

\- Yes, the Jarl nodded. - Yes, that sounds good. Lydia, when exactly are you and the Dragonborn leaving?

\- Honestly, I don't know, Lydia admitted. - He's kind of...unclear with his plans.

\- Well, would you go talk to this woman and bring her here, Jarl Balgruuf stood up from his chair. - I need to see her myself and hear what she thinks about the idea.

Lydia smiled, nodded and left the Dragonsreach. She had thought about Janessa for quite some time now. The Dunmer did seem strong and pride but Lydia believed she wouldn't turn down the Jarl's offer. As she crossed the Wind District, she glanced towards the Jorrvaskr. She wasn't sure did Vilkas know about Sura's condition, but she was grateful that at least for now, he stayed away.

But Vilkas wasn't the only one who was interested in Sura. At the Market she once again had to stop and tell Fralia the latest news. Arcadia also came out from her shop and Carlotta and Mila gathered around. Most of Whiterun's women seemed to like the Khajiit girl and were very fond of her.

After a while she continued to the Drunken Huntsman. The Dunmer was sitting at her table like most days. She stopped in front of her and greeted her. Her voice was deep and calm, it seemed that she had seen her share of the world. Lydia explained that the Jarl of Whiterun would like to meet her and she seemed quite surprised by the news. But she followed her without questions.

When the Jarl explained things in detail to her, she didn't move nor interrupt him. Nothing in her face revealed what she really thought about the idea and she allowed the Jarl to finish his speech before she said anything.

\- So, Janessa started. - This girl was badly hurt. She is afraid of almost everyone and now she needs someone to look after her. And to encourage her, is that it?

\- Yes, that's it, the Jarl nodded.

\- And may I ask, Janessa said. - What makes you think that I would be able to do it? Didn't you already say that she was afraid of your bodyguard who is also a Dunmer. Why do you think she would trust me?

\- I don't think she will, the Jarl agreed. - But I would feel lot better myself if there is someone near her. She doesn't let anyone else close to her, except Lydia here. But Lydia has her own duties. I am willing to pay you a good amount of gold for this. I'm not asking you to be her friend. I'm asking you to be her bodyguard.

The Dunmer didn't reply. She seemed to think the his words and then she finally glanced towards Farengar's workroom. - Is her room over there?

The Jarl nodded. - She doesn't want to leave it. At least not yet.

\- Alright, Janessa accepted. - You pay me my fee and we have a deal.

\- Excellent, Jarl Balgruuf seemed relieved. - I'm am willing to pay a little more than the fee you asked. And of course as long as you are her bodyguard, I will pay you regularly.

The Dunmer seemed satisfied. - Can I see her? Since I am now her bodyguard, it would be good for me to get to know her.

\- Of course, the Jarl said. - Lydia will take you there.

\- No need, Janessa looked at Lydia. - I think I can find the way.

Calmly she walked through the court wizard's workroom and greeted him. Then she opened the door to Sura's room. For a moment, she just watched her from the door.

The girl was sitting on her bed. Her arms were wrapped around her feet, she was wearing a worn out grey dress and that made her look even more pale and nonexistent. Her eyes were empty and emotionless. Janessa knew that look. She had experienced the same fear. But back then there was no one to help her. She had to go through it all alone. And partly because of her own memories, she had agreed to help even though this wasn't what she usually did.

She stepped inside and the girl moved her eyes from the wall to her. She noticed that her body became stiff, her ears flattened and her eyes grew larger. She sensed the fear, the anxiety, the desperation. All those feelings were so familiar to her.

\- Hello, she greeted and sat down to a chair. - I'm Janessa. The Jarl has hired me as your bodyguard. From now on I'll be wherever you are.

Her voice was low, calm and tranquil. The girl didn't say anything, but she pulled her dress down and shifted a little further way. She eyed her suspiciously but Janessa saw she wasn't as nervous as a moment before.

\- Want to go for a walk? Janessa suggested and stood up. She saw her eyes flare up and her body began to tremble. - To the porch? I hear there's a wonderful view from up there. And the weather is quite nice, it's warm and sunny. I heard you like the summer.

\- I...I don't...

\- Nothing is going to happen to you when you're with me, Janessa grabbed her hand gently and softly. - You can be sure of that. See this sword. If anyone tries to come near to you, I won't hold back.

\- Idolaf had a sword too, Sura whispered but she didn't pull her hand away. Janessa's grip was strong and reassuring. It reminded her of Eorlund's hands, the first time he had guided her smaller hands with the hammer and the anvil. His hands had been very gentle despite his size and his strength.

\- You can trust my sword, Janessa promised and helped Sura up. She didn't pull her of force her, she just assisted her to take the first step. That was always the hardest. But it was something that this girl needed to take. - Let's go, she smiled to Sura, squeezed her hand a little and guided her to the door.

Farengar didn't say anything when they came out of the room but he was amazed. This was the first time in days since he had seen the girl leave the room. Sura didn't look around, she just clang to her bodyguards arm and allowed her to guide her. When they passed the guards, she froze to her feet. She was having difficulties to breathe. _It's him!_ her mind yelled. _Under that mask...it's him! _

Janessa wrapped her arm around her shoulder and gently coaxed her to move on. The Jarl and his brother smiled as they saw them and Lydia had tears in her eyes.

They climbed up the stairs and Janessa opened the big doors to the Great Porch of the Dragonsreach. The cool wind blew over and for the first time in days Sura felt something else than just fear and suffocation. The brisk spring air made her lift her head up and look around. Janessa walked her to the railing and they stood there together for some time.

\- It's true what they say, the Dunmer smiled. - It's pretty fantastic view indeed.

\- Yes, Sura agreed. She had always like the view but now it didn't seem so spectacular. She couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was someone looking at her, waiting for the right moment to attack. She glanced around and saw the guards walking around.

Five guards, she counted. If they attack us, Janessa won't be able to hold them all back. And if one of them is the Ocr...

\- How are you feeling? the Dunmer asked when she noticed her nervousness.

\- There are...men here, she whispered. - They have masks and one of them might be..._him_. If he has managed to come here, if he is one of the guards. If they attack us, there is nothing we can do. Please, let's just go back inside.

Janessa saw her distress and she turned to look at the guards. The Jarl had explained that one the men that had tormented the girl was a big Orc. And her nightmares and memories revolved mostly around him. And all the time she was afraid that the Orc was at the reach.

\- Hey, you! she yelled at guard closest to them. - Take off your helmet!

\- I'm not allowed to do that, the guard answered.

She didn't listen to him. She smiled to Sura, walked up the guard and yanked out his helmet. Underneath was a confused and rather angry looking blond man. - You see, she turned back to the Khajiit. - Just a Nord. No Orcs here. Want me to check the rest as well?

Sura was relieved to see the man's face but his presence didn't made her feel any better. His was still a man and could attack her at any moment. Janessa called out the rest of guards and as they gathered around, she pulled out their helmets one by one. Underneath all of them was a Nord, a blond, a brunette, an angry looking one or just an irritated one. But they were all Nords, no doubt about that. Everyone of them threatened to complain to the Jarl as she ordered them to get out from the porch. Her voice was stern and she didn't allow arguments.

When they stood alone at the porch, just her and Janessa, Sura felt a moment of peace for the first time in days. She closed her eyes and allowed the wind to caress her face.


	20. You know I will follow

**20\. You know I will follow**

\- I told you to stay behind! J'Ziir growled. - You could have just waited at the inn, woman!

\- I...am your...sword and your...shield, Lydia panted and leaned against a huge rock.

\- You're more like a heavy burden to bear, J'Ziir looked at her. - And how come your so tired already? We just left. You can still see the village. Just turn back.

\- Never, Lydia wiped her face. - I'll manage. Now that you have finally agreed to come here. I'm never going to turn back. And besides, she glanced at him - Didn't you see how that Innkeeper stared at me?

\- What? J'Ziir rolled his eyes.

\- Yes, Lydia nodded. - He stared at...this part, she pointed at her chest.

\- I wonder why, J'Ziir asked sarcastically. - When there is nothing to see.

\- What do you mean by that? Lydia grabbed his arm and gasped. - You mean you've been looking too?

\- No, J'Ziir yanked his arm away. - Your armor covers most of your body. Unless he used some sort of weird magic to see through your armor I don't see the point at staring.

\- You think...that's possible? Lydia covered her chest with her hands.

J'Ziir sighed and turned away. He looked up, the stairs seemed to continue on and on. 7000 steps, that's what they were called. And how many had they climbed? Barely thirty, because Lydia had started to whine almost immediately when they set of from Ivarstead.

They had arrived at the Inn late last night. J'Ziir had only mentioned that he was leaving Whiterun, he didn't expect Lydia to follow him. But she had appeared at the stables right at the time that he was preparing to leave. He told her to stay behind but she didn't seem to listen. Or more like, she didn't want to listen. The Innkeeper was interested to see some new people going through the quiet little village.

\- Your wife? the owner asked when Lydia was almost glued to his side.

\- My slave, J'Ziir answered and paid for two rooms.

\- His housecarl, Lydia corrected and nearly punched him in his arm.

More like a burden, J'Ziir thought again as he looked at her panting and leaning against the rock.

\- Let's go, he said angrily.

\- Wait, Lydia raised her hand. - I'll...be right behind you, my Thane.

They climbed in silence for a while. The only voice J'Ziir heard was his _housecarl's _heavy breathing and her irregular steps. Every now and then he glanced back to make sure she was still there. After a while, the clouds gathered in and it was starting to snow. J'Ziir was wearing his new leather armor, but he had kept the sleeves this time. He didn't really like to cold, but he had gotten used to it over the years. He had hardened himself against it. He had no choice.

\- My...Thane! Lydia's voice came out somewhere from the snowstorm. J'Ziir stopped and turned around. He didn't see her, because the blizzard was suddenly so blinding but he did hear her. He walked back, navigating with the sounds that she made. After a while, he found her standing in the middle of the path, looking lost and a little scared.

\- Hold my tail! J'Ziir commanded. - So I don't have to go looking for you again.

Lydia didn't reply. She tried to grab his tail but it swung angrily back and forth. When she finally got hold of it, J'Ziir sneered. - Don't squeeze it of pull it. If you do, I'm going to push you off the mountain myself.

Lydia glared at him and pinched his tail purposefully. He didn't react, much to her annoyance. He took the lead and started to stride up the mountain side again. He didn't slow down even when she was panting and wheezing and trying her best to keep up. He pulled her along, dragged her up some parts. The snowstorm was ruthless. They could barely see in front of them. They couldn't see the sky, but J'Ziir remembered they had left Ivarstead quite early in the morning and he was hoping they would get to the top of the mountain before dark. But at this pace, he glanced over his shoulder. _It's hopeless..._

\- Are...we...there yet? Lydia breathed and her voice was filled with hope.

\- Have you been counting the steps? J'Ziir grunted. - Is it 7000 already?

\- I thought...that you would do it, Lydia murmured. - I have just been...

\- Having difficulties to breath, I get it, J'Ziir interrupted her. - Let's move on. We still have quite a climb ahead of us.

\- Can't we just...take a break? Lydia begged. - Just for a moment.

\- And freeze to death? Does that sound better? J'Ziir looked at her. - Why don't you just turn back? Wait for me at the Inn.

\- I'll be fine, Lydia grit her teeth and squeezed his tail. - Just lead on!

They continued to climb higher. The stone stairs were covered with snow, but the road up was still visible. There seemed to be no one else on this pilgrimage. The Innkeeper in Invarstead had mentioned that people sometimes climbed up the mountain, but it seemed that today J'Ziir and Lydia were only ones up here. Lydia noticed some huge stone pillars along the path which had writing in them. She tried her hardest to get J'Ziir slow down and read the information. But he was determined, didn't slow down and pulled Lydia along. In fact, he didn't even seem to hear her. So Lydia decided to keep her mouth shut. But soon she was having difficulties to breathe again.

After some time the path became even harder to see and the snow became deeper and deeper. Soon they were wading through the snow, with every step their feet sank in. J'Ziir was wondering why would anyone, anyone want to come up here. Even for a pilgrimage. I should have never come here, he thought as he pushed through the snow. I should have never let that woman coax me into this. And by that _woman_, he meant his housecarl. Are you thinking her as a woman now? he asked himself. Isn't she just a slave? An irritation? A problem? A nuisance? Yes, she is, he agreed. She's all those things. But still she doesn't deserve to die up here.

The path followed the steep mountain side and cold, freezing wind was blowing up and down the snow embankment. He had to be careful not to step too close to the edge, he didn't want to take one false step, fall to his death and pull Lydia along. Her hands must have already frozen around his tale.

He sighed from relief when the path lead to a small valley which offered some shelter from the wind and storm. High rock walls towered above them and the snow was packed and harder. It was easier to stand on. Momentarily he wondered why it was so. Were there really so many climbers? _Or was there...?_

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud grunting and roaring. He was completely unprepared and didn't have time to react when the white, colossal monster charged forward. Its arms were thick and muscular, it's teeth sharp and pointy. Its fur was completely white and so it was hard to spot in its snowy kingdom. J'Ziir tried to push Lydia aside, but she was too exhausted and blinded by the snow. The troll swung its huge paw and they both landed back first against the hard rock wall. All the air from his lungs was pushed out and his head felt dizzy and his mind unfocused. But he saw the monster turn and head towards them.

\- Lydia! J'Ziir yelled and shook her. - Wake up! Open your eyes, woman!

\- What...? she mumbled and J'Ziir grabbed her and tossed her aside when the troll attacked. But once again, he took the full blow of its paw. Its sharp claws ripped his arm open and he felt the warm blood on his skin.

\- Lydia! he yelled, rolled on to his feet and pulled his axe out. - Get your bow ready! Shoot it! He wasn't sure had Lydia heard him, was she even conscious, but their situation seemed very grim and he needed her help now more than ever. _Isn't it your duty to protect me? _he thought sarcastically. _Well, woman. You seem to take it pretty seriously!_

The troll roared aggressively and closed in on him. He noticed his back was against the rock wall and if he didn't get a good hit on to a sensitive spot, he would probably suffer a bigger injury, even a painful bite. In that short moment he remembered everything he had read from these creatures. Big, powerful, fast. Brutal, thick skinned, merciless. Only weakness: fire. But he didn't have fire. He didn't have spells nor staffs.

He tried to position himself so that the certain injury would be as small as possible. Because there was no way of avoiding it now. He readied his axes, chose a spot to land his first strike and waited. The troll rushed forward, and just as it was about to strike him, an arrow hit its shoulder from behind. The troll roared and stumbled back. That was enough for J'Ziir to roll out of its way. Another arrow flew through the air, but this time it didn't hit the troll, it almost nailed his shoulder to the rock wall.

\- Watch where you're shooting! he shouted to Lydia.

\- Sorry, she yelled back. - It's hard to tell you two apart.

_Right_, he thought. _You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? To punish me! _

The next arrow Lydia shot also missed the troll but it wasn't meant for him either. As Lydia kept shooting and trying to hit the moving target, J'Ziir used his axes. He sliced the troll in the back, but a small scratch only seemed to irritate the beast. It swung its massive paws and luckily he was able to duck down in time. Without hesitation he jumped up and sank both of his axes into its chest. Blood and fat spilled out but still it didn't seem like the troll got any weaker but the damage his did.

\- I'm out of arrows! Lydia shouted.

\- Then use your sword! J'Ziir ordered. - Isn't that what you are? My sword and shield!

As Lydia attacked the troll from behind, hacking and mutilating its back, J'Ziir targeted its legs. It didn't take them that long to bring the beast to its knees, it was already loosing blood from the gashes it had in its chest. As J'Ziir sliced its throat and it fell to the ground, they were both gasping and heaving.

\- You tried to hit me, didn't you? J'Ziir panted and looked at Lydia. - What kind of housecarl...wishes to kill her Thane?

\- No, Lydia shook her head and fell to the ground. - I just...I have never been that good with bow and arrow. And it was really hard to tell you apart...

\- Really? J'Ziir looked at the troll. - Really? Are you serious? Look at its size. It's two times bigger than me. And you say it's hard to tell us apart.

\- But the snow blinded me and...

\- Never mind! J'Ziir waved his hand. - Let's get moving.

\- I...I don't think I can, Lydia sighed. - I'm so tired. Just go on without me.

\- What do you expect me to do? J'Ziir asked. - Want to me to skin the troll, wrap its fur around you and leave you here to take a nap?

\- That sounds like a great idea, Lydia admitted and giggled. - Want to join me? It bet we could warm each other up...

\- Have you lost your mind? J'Ziir frowned. - Get on your feet.

Lydia tried but again and again she fell back to the ground. She was gasping for air and her limbs trembled from exhaustion. J'Ziir continued on but when he saw she wasn't following, he returned to her, grabbed her hand and lifted her on his back.

\- At least try to hold on, he said and for the first time Lydia didn't hear anger or annoyance in his voice. It was almost...caring. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

The Kahjiit was strong, she felt his muscles move under his skin. He carried her forward even when the snow once again covered the path and the wind nearly blew them off the mountain. Lydia was almost unconscious, but still she held on. Her eyes couldn't really see anything, only J'Ziir's ears and his back. She noticed the old scars in the back of his head and down his neck and wondered where he had gotten all those. Was his whole body covered with scars? His fur was thick and furry but at some point she thought she noticed that there was a clear mark around his neck, like a circle going around, where the fur was thinner and greyer. It seemed that something had pressed against his neck and stopped the fur from growing.

\- Look, Lydia, J'Ziir interrupted her thoughts. - There's a huge building ahead. I think we made it.

\- Thank the Gods, Lydia sighed.

He stumbled on towards the massive monastery and now they both saw the steep stone steps that lead to two iron doors. J'Ziir didn't stop thinking which door was the right one, he only wanted to get inside, get away from this blasted storm. At the door he lifted Lydia a little higher on his back, leaned forward and pushed the door open.

Silence greeted them. He faltered inside and slammed the door behind him. Lydia was completely motionless and quiet, she must have passed out, he thought. He saw and old man approach them.

\- So, the Dragonborn appears, at this moment of the turning of the age...

\- Hold it, old man! J'Ziir interrupted him. - Just let me rest for a while. This stone floor looks really...really cozy.

He felt Lydia weighing him down. He had used all of his own strength in the last steps. He leaned against the wall and slid down the floor. His eyes closed and he was fast asleep long before he hit the floor.


	21. Bleeding memories

**21\. Bleeding memories**

When the Orc stepped in the longhouse, Sura's knees almost gave up. Her breathing became irregular and her hands began to tremble. She couldn't look at him. She grabbed Janessa's hand and moved behind her.

She knew it wasn't _him_. And still she saw him almost everywhere she looked. But as the days passed and the warm summer winds swept across the city she had learnt to hide her real feelings. Her fear didn't leave her, her dreams didn't leave her. _He_ didn't leave her. But when she realized that everyone wanted and waited for her to get better and to forget, she started to pretend. She smiled a little more, she took care of herself, she ate and tried to sleep. And she saw how they all were silently relieved. She wasn't completely sure did Janessa believed her, but she didn't say anything.

Only when she was alone - late in the evening, when she couldn't close her eyes, when she only stared at the wall and relived the nightmare over and over again - only then she allowed her hands to tremble and the tears to fall. During the days when she walked around the reach, she squeezed her hands together so that no one would see how much she would have wanted to run away. She was still terrified of the guards no matter how many times Janessa ordered them to remove their helmets. The Jarl eventually heard about her fear for the guards and without hesitation he ordered them to wear helmets where their faces could be seen. It helped a little, but not much. They were all still men.

The Orc walked to the Jarl, bowed and presented himself. He was the bodyguard of three Bards who were sent from Solitude, from the Bards College. Jarl Elisif the Fair wanted to congratulate his friend - Jarl Balgruuf - on his birthday. As the bards walked into the reach, the Jarl stood up from his chair and glanced at the Orc.

\- Do you think this is the best time to celebrate a birthday? he asked and was clearly irritated.

\- Jarl Elisif assumed you would say that, the Orc answered. - She asked me to tell you that even among all the sorrow and sadness, there should at least be some happiness in our lives. We should not forget or bury everything good because of this war.

\- It is not only war that threatens us, Jarl Balgruuf said.

\- You are right, my Jarl, the Orc bowed. - Elisif the Fair has also heard of the dragons. But there is hope, she said. She knows about the Dragonborn. When we have such a hero among us, isn't there at least one more reason to celebrate.

\- A hero, indeed, Jarl Balgruuf murmured. - Very well. What are your orders, Orsimer?

\- Jarl Elisif sent these Bards to entertain in your birthday celebration, the Orc answered. - My duty was to get them here safely.

\- A birthday party, Jarl Balgruuf sighed. - What nonsense. But very well, Elisif is right. We shouldn't concentrate only on the bad things. Proventus, the Jarl turned towards his Steward. - When is my birthday?

\- The day after tomorrow, my Jarl, Proventus Avenicci said.

\- I'll leave all the details to you then, the Jarl said. - I'm sure you know who to invite so I don't need to bother with that.

\- Very well, my Jarl, Proventus bowed. - I will do as you have instructed.

A party? Sura thought and immediately felt distressed. So many people here. It would be easy for _him_ to blend in with the crowd. I can't be here then. I can't. I can't!

She didn't notice how the Jarl approached her until he was right in front of her. His presence, his shadow nearly made her jump, to run away and hide but she raised her eyes to look at him and once again forced her fear somewhere deep inside. It bounced like a ball inside her and she had to keep swallowing to be able to hear what he said.

\- So, it seems we must have a party then, the Jarl smiled. - I would like to see you smile and have fun at that night. To forget what's happened to you and start enjoying life again. Proventus will invite the Companions as well. I heard that there is someone among them that you might want to meet.

\- I'll try, Sura murmured but that was all she could say. The idea that she would have to see Vilkas made her feel even worse. _Why would he want to look at me anymore? _she thought._ After I'm...destroyed and spoiled. Damaged._

The Jarl brushed her cheek and his soft touch almost made her wince. She clenched her hands into tight fists so that her claws dig into her palms. The Jarl smiled to her, turned and headed upstairs but she couldn't move. The Orc was still at the longhouse. And as long as he was there, she wouldn't be able to walk.

Janessa saw her reaction and once again she wrapped her arms around her shoulder and guided her forward. When they passed him, Sura was sure she would either faint or scream.

_Keep it in! _she told herself. _It's not him! It's not him! He is dead!_

* * *

Few hours later Janessa left to visit the Market. She needed to see Adrianne at the Warmaiden's. Her sword needed some sharpening but she hadn't had the time to take it there before. Sura nodded and as Janessa left she sat in her bed and wrapped her arms around her legs. She didn't feel comfortable about the party. And the fact that the Companions were coming...that Vilkas was coming...

Don't think about that yet, she told herself. You still have couple of days to get used to the idea of seeing him again.

She hadn't seen him since...when was the last time?

_The kiss. _

That she remembered.

She also remembered how it made her feel. What it was like having him so close and feeling his arms and his touch. And his lips. She had almost buried those feelings because she had been so engulfed by the horrible memories. There are some good things in this life, she told herself. You just need to remember those moments. Just hold on to those moments, don't let them be buried and forgotten.

She glanced towards her little chest. She hadn't opened that in ages, but it didn't contain much anyway. The first dagger she made in Skyforge which was dull and useless and kind of ugly too. Couple of potions, some moonstones and the blue sapphire which she and Lydia had found in their last adventure.

One blue, small dress and an ugly, dirty stuffed rabbit.

The rabbit she had discarded, she didn't like the way it looked. With the other eye missing and other ear almost loose it looked sad and depressing and she was afraid of the memories it might bring up. She had buried the rabbit deep in her chest, under the dress and she never took it out or looked at it.

But her dress. The one she had been wearing when they found her. The dress she didn't even remember. She didn't know who had bought it to her. It was a blue dress with white flowers. When she had come to Dragonsreach all those years ago, she used to hold it and carry it with her almost everywhere, hoping that it would unlock her memories and tell her where she came from. But that never happened.

She stood up and walked to the chest. She opened it slowly and took the dress out. The rabbit laid underneath it, its face against the floor and she didn't even glance it. She hadn't remembered that the dress was still this dirty. Of course, she thought. You didn't want to wash it. You thought it had some magic that would disappear if it was clean.

The blue fabric was filled with big brown spots and it smelled old and decayed. She moved her hands through the hem and caressed it gently.

_"That's one ugly dress."_

_"It's not ugly! It's pretty!"_

She was startled by the voices in her head. They were clearly children's voices. The boy spoke teasingly and mockingly, the little girl answered back with fearsome stubbornness. She looked at the dress and for a moment she pushed everything bad somewhere in the back of her mind. She pressed her cheek against the soft cloth and smiled. _I might remember more, if I try harder, I might remember._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud voices coming from the longhouse. At first she didn't understand what was going on but then she clearly heard Lydia's voice. In her heart she was happy that Lydia had arrived safely and allright. She and J'Ziir had been away over two weeks and no one in Dragonsreach or in Whiterun knew exactly where they were.

Sura stood up and walked silently to the her door. Janessa wasn't here so she was more nervous than usual to go out by herself. She squeezed the dirty dress in her hand and it gave her some strength. _There's only Lydia and the Jarl and Hrongar. Nothing to be afraid of!_ Her breathing became irregular but she forced herself to walk out of the door. Farengar wasn't in his workroom and quietly she sneaked across the room and to the big doors that lead to the longhouse. The Jarl was sitting at his chair, Lydia stood before him and her Thane leaned casually against one of the tables. He looked more than bored.

\- I'm glad you two have returned safely, the Jarl said. - If I understand correctly, you went to High Hrothgar, he looked at J'Ziir. - And they Greybeards confirmed that you are the Dragonborn, isn't that right?

\- It seems so, J'Ziir nodded. - Unfortunately.

\- Well, then we have one more reason to celebrate, the Jarl said. - You are both of course welcome to the party we are arranging.

\- A party? J'Ziir sneered. - Is this the perfect time to be partying?

\- You are right, Dragonborn, the Jarl agreed. - But the people of Whiterun wish to celebrate my birthday. Who am I to stop them? And...I can imagine that there are many, many people who wish to meet and to speak with the famous Dragonborn.

\- That doesn't really interested me, J'Ziir stated. - I think I will skip the party.

\- No, you won't! Lydia snapped at him and turned to the Jarl. - Naturally we will both attend. I'll make sure of that.

Much to Sura's surprise the male Khajiit only shrugged his shoulders and leaned back. He had clearly changed, he was no longer the angry, hateful person she had seen before. Was he actually listening to Lydia? And how did Lydia dared to talk to him like that?

\- Now, how is Sura doing? Lydia asked that Jarl.

\- I would like to believe she's better, the Jarl sighed. - But she is still very scared even though she tries to hide her feelings. Janessa has done good for her, she tries her best to encourage her. But we all know this is a slow process.

Sura felt more than guilty and she lowered her gaze. They had all seen through her pretense. They had all understood her real feelings even when she tried her best to pretend that nothing was wrong. That everything had been forgotten and buried. She swallowed and raised her eyes.

Her gaze met the eyes of the male Khajiit. He looked at her, not angrily, not hatefully, but interested. His raised his other eyebrow and it made his face look mysterious and cryptic. What is he thinking? Sura thought. Why is he looking at me like that? In the past few weeks she had always felt nervous and scared when someone - _when a man_ \- was looking at her. But surprisingly his gaze didn't make her feel uncomfortable. There was something there...something reached out to her. Something warm and familiar. She couldn't understand it, but just his eyes made her beating heart calm down. She walked to the hall and circled the table. Lydia heard her steps, turned around and smiled.

\- Sura! she rushed to her and hugged her. - It's good to you see again. You look so much better.

\- Hey, Lydia, she greeted. J'Ziir didn't look at her anymore and she was surprised by her emotions. What just happened?

\- That's one ugly dress, J'Ziir said suddenly and Sura's eyes widened.

\- What are you talking about? Lydia turned to look at him. - For once, can't you just keep your nasty remarks to yourself.

\- I wasn't talking to you, J'Ziir snapped and passed them. He stopped at the stairs and looked at Lydia. - And no, don't follow me. For once, I just want to be alone.

\- Whatever you want, my Thane, Lydia grimaced.

_How did he know?_ Sura felt like her feet were suddenly nailed to the floor. Did he know? Does he know? Has he seen this dress somewhere? Has he seen me? Does he know me? _Does he know who I am?_

* * *

"_That's one ugly dress!"_

_"It's not ugly! It's pretty! Ma! J'Ziir is teasing me again!"_

J'Ziir walked down the stairs and stopped at the Wind District. He was having difficulties to breath. _Is it her?_ _Could it be?_ She had reacted to his comment, her eyes widened...she might remember.

That dress - it was Raji's dress. There was no doubt about it. The same dress she was wearing that day when their whole family had been killed. He remembered it clearly, the white small flowers in the sky blue fabric.

Don't get ahead of yourself, he thought. Just think it through. If it's not her, there is no reason to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. After all, you were always sure that she died. There is no way she could have survived. But if...if she had...

For a moment, he allowed his mind to wander. If it's her...my sister...my Raji. Had she survived the fall and the river? How had she not drowned? She was living here, among these Nords. She considered this her home. She didn't remember her family, her mother and father. She didn't remember her own brother.

If it's true, Lydia is right, he thought. Skyrim was her home. And if Skyrim wasn't safe, she wouldn't be safe either.

And there was the man she loved, he looked towards Jorrvaskr. The _Nord_ she loved. The Nord who loved her. The man wearing the wolf armor. The man who's eyes were grey and merciless. Who seemed to be much more than just a man.

_"And what's your reason for trying to kill me? You love her too?"_

_"I do."_

He looked at the mead hall and out of curiosity he wandered up the stairs. The door wasn't locked and he didn't hesitate to go inside. Things seemed pretty heated up. Two warriors, a Dunmer and a Nord woman were fighting in the middle of room. Others of this skilled group were just standing around, cheering and yelling. J'Ziir stood at the door and the fight seemed to be over rather quickly. The strong Nord woman punched the Dunmer to the ground, looked at him with contempt and walked away. The Dunmer didn't seem too offended, he got up, brushed his arms and smiled. Only friendly sparring, nothing more.

A bald, one eyed man was standing near the doorway and J'Ziir remembered him. He had been one of the warriors that day when he had killed the dragon. He also noticed the read haired woman, she was talking with another member of the Companions. He recognized him too. It was the brother of the grey-eyed man.

J'Ziir walked closer and the woman saw him and smiled. He didn't answer to her smile but walked up to her and stood beside her.

\- Well, interesting to see you here, Dragonborn, the woman said and extended her hand. - Welcome to Jorrvaskr. I'm Aela. This is Farkas.

Reluctantly he shook their hands. He didn't really care for needless small talk, he looked around to see if the grey-eyed Nord was around.

\- Looking for someone? Farkas asked when he saw him glancing around.

\- No, he said. - Just curious.

\- Are you planning to join the Companions? Aela inquired. - Are you a hunter or a warrior?

\- I have no interest in your little club, he replied. - Just looking around.

\- Suit yourself, Farkas grunted and walked away. He headed to the other side of the hall and J'Ziir saw an older man standing near the stairs that led downstairs. The old man watched him, his one good eye was clear and piercing.

\- I was impressed how you took down that dragon, Aela said to him. - I have hunted almost all the beasts in Skyrim...

\- Good, then you know how dangerous they can be when irritated, J'Ziir interrupted her.

He saw anger flash in her eyes, but she kept it under control. She shrugged her shoulder, turned around and walked away. He didn't care much for her feelings. The grey-eyed Nord wasn't around so he headed towards the door. No reason to linger.

\- You're leaving? the old Nord walked up to him. - Without even taking a good look around?

\- I'm not here to join your party, old man, J'Ziir said. - I was just...

\- You are looking for Vilkas, he said. - He is downstairs if you wish to speak with him.

\- Why would I want to talk to him? J'Ziir immediately grew suspicious. How did the old man know why he was here?

\- Because of Sura, of course, he answered. - You both have feelings for the girl. He has a connection with her and so do you. Aren't you interested to know what you two have in common?

J'Ziir looked at him, his ears drew back and his tail swiped from side to side. What does he know? He knows something that I don't.

\- I'll be downstairs if you are interested to talk or maybe even join the Companions, the old man said.

\- I told you, I'm not here for that, J'Ziir repeated.

\- I'll be down, nevertheless, he smiled and walked away. Is he expecting me to follow him? J'Ziir thought. And oddly enough he did want to follow, to know more, to hear more. Hear all he had to say, all he had to tell. But after his escape he had never let anyone control him - he hated being controlled. He grit his teeth and turned away. He didn't have anything to say to the old man, he didn't belong here.

And his foolish idea that the Khajiit girl was Raji, well, that's just your heart talking. And this wasn't the first time when he shut his heart down. He hadn't listened to it for years. So why should he start now?


	22. The never-ending sleep

**22\. The never-ending sleep**

Everyone in Whiterun was celebrating Jarl Balgruuf's birthday. The big party in the Dragonsreach had started early in the afternoon and as the evening approached, more and more people came up the reach and offered their heartwarming congratulations to the Jarl. Everyone in Whiterun was invited.

It was exactly the kind of thing J'Ziir hated. He didn't like gatherings and he only wished that at some point he could just slip out unnoticed. But that seemed impossible. Everyone wanted to meet the Dragonborn, wanted to shake his hand, even give him a hug and thank him for saving Whiterun and Skyrim. The fact that he was a Khajiit didn't seem to bother anyone. But J'Ziir was having a hard time not push the people aside and just rudely walk out.

He was not the only one who was suffering that evening. Sura was more afraid that she had been ever since she was rescued. Wherever she looked somehow she always managed to see him somewhere in the crowd - stalking her. But before she could make out his features, he always managed to slip away. Janessa was with her and even Lydia stayed by her side, but still she looked around like a trapped animal, looking for a way out.

She hadn't slept in almost two nights and her frantic mind was playing tricks on her, she knew that. The bards were playing joyful music and their heavenly voices were beautiful but Sura could barely hear them. She only heard her own heartbeat and felt her own anxiety. But her anguished mind had come up with a plan and if she could only have few moments to herself, this would all be over very soon.

She didn't notice how many people watched her. Lydia and Janessa kept their eyes on her, the Jarl observed her and Farengar came to see her every now and then.

Even Vilkas couldn't keep his eyes away. He hadn't seen her in days, in weeks in fact. And he had never seen her so timid, so scared and it weighed his heart. He didn't try to get close to her. Her reaction to every man was the same, few steps back and be as invisible as possible. So he didn't try to get close. Watching her from afar, that had to be enough. The future he had hoped they might share someday was now lost for for good.

There was one more person watching her. The piercing eyes of the Dragonborn swiped by her every now and then. He also steered clear of her, but he was looking for something familiar, some signs or a gesture that would finally reveal him the truth. He hated the uncertainty. He wanted to be sure, to be sure that she wasn't Raji, and he could finally give up his foolish hope and concentrate on other things. He had postponed his original plans for way too long, it was time to get back on track.

Sura was wearing a blue dress. She had the necklace, J'Ziir could see that. But it wasn't glowing like all those years ago when Raji had worn it. He kept his eyes on her as he moved around. Very soon he noticed that Vilkas was also watching her. His eyes were filled with yearning, longing, pain and anger. He recognized the anger, he had carried it with himself for a long time. He knew what it was like to feel powerless, to stop bad things from happening to someone you loved.

Sura wasn't the only lady that caught his attention that night. No matter how much he tried to deny it he simply could not see her. Ignore her. Over and over his eyes sought her out from the crowd. His housecarl wasn't wearing her normal steel armor that night. She was actually wearing a gown. And he noticed that there was actually very, very much to see. While her armor covered her chest and her backside, this red dress revealed every voluptuous curve. It annoyed him to notice that he was clearly attracted to her. Aroused by her. Exited to caress her with his eyes. He would have liked to order her to change her gown to her normal armor. But since it couldn't be helped, he tried to keep his eyes away from her with a little success.

And even more agonizing was the memory. The words they had exhanged some time ago in the small bedroom at the Bannered Mare.

_"__I can almost imagine you...naked, sweaty, moaning, screaming, begging for more. Tell me...could I make you beg for more?" _Did I really say that to her? J'Ziir closed his eyes and sighed. The worst part being that he actually wanted to see her like that. See her beg for more...

The food and the drink that the Jarl was offering to his guests was very delicious and everyone seemed to enjoy the party. The Jarl greeted his guests and walked among the people and Irileth was like an angry ghost that followed him everyone. He was happy to see the Companions to attend the party and stopped to talk with them for a long time. Then he continued and walked towards J'Ziir who was having difficulties to keep all the eager young women at bay. Suddenly all the women in Whiterun were interested in him, some were practically throwing themselves at him and their attention annoyed him.

\- Are you enjoying the party, Dragonborn? the Jarl asked and smiled to him. As usual, he didn't smile back.

\- To be honest, I'm not, he replied.

\- Well, that is unfortunate, the Jarl said but his eyes and smile told otherwise. J'Ziir could swear that the Jarl was pleased to see him being teased and bothered.

\- Isn't it marvelous to see the hope in our people's faces? the Jarl asked him and looked around. - After such troubled times, to see them laugh, relax and have a good time. This, he open his arms as to embrace all of the Whiterun. - This is why I am glad to see you here. You, Dragonborn, give them hope. Simply seeing you and hearing stories about you make them believe that our land could be peaceful, safe place to live once again.

\- Not everyone is so relaxed and happy, J'Ziir mentioned and once again his eyes found the Khajiit girl. She clearly wanted to turn and run. It seemed almost too cruel to force her to stay here, to force her to be surrounded by all these people, no matter how familiar they were to her.

\- Yes, the Jarl nodded and sadness covered his face momentarily. - But I have known here most of her life. She is not as fragile as she thinks. Like this land, she is tough and persistent. She may bend but she will not break.

_Keep living in your fantasy world, old man,_ J'Ziir thought, grabbed his drink and walked away from him. The Jarl was popular among his people and didn't seem to mind his abrupt exit. Soon enough he was surrounded by his people again and his warm, loud laughter filled the air. To his liking, the Jarl was too soft and too idealistic. He had managed to stay neutral so far, but sooner or later the raging war in the land would caught up with him. Then his softness would only be his downfall.

He walked away from the crowd and wandered in to the court wizards workroom. It was quiet and empty and no one had noticed him. A perfect place for him to catch his breath and then slip away silently and unnoticed. He had thought that the grumpy wizard wouldn't leave his work, he didn't seem much of the partying type, least of all because of some meaningless gathering. And yet the wizards seemed to be enjoying himself, the people around him and especially one special lady. The owner of the alchemy shop, Arcadia, was smiling and laughing with him openly and their mutual attraction was visible to almost everyone.

J'Ziir shook his head, gulped down the rest of his drink and started to inspect the room. He had never been that interested in magic. His father had known few small tricks but that was about it. He glanced at the many bottles and vials in glass cabinets with difficult names, pouches of different ingredients and powders. Troll skulls and mammoth tusks gathered dust in the highest shelves - he didn't know where they part of the wizard's experiments or just useless random junk he collected. Some old spell books were stuck under the furniture and Farengar's table was filled with empty bottles, alchemy recipes and soul gems of different shapes and sizes.

He looked around curiously and eventually stopped at Sura's door. It was ajar which meant that she wasn't as careful as before. He made sure that no one saw what he was about to do and then slowly pushed the door open with his foot. He had been in her room before, it was small and tidy and revealed nothing personal of its owner. At first glance he saw nothing that would interest him but as he was backing out, his eyes found the small chest that was pushed against the wall, right next to the door.

He left the door slightly ajar, exactly as it had been, so it wouldn't seem suspicious but he would hear if someone came in to the wizard's room. He crouched down and tried to open the chest. Locked, no surprise there. The lock didn't seem to be too sturdy, he had faced more difficult challenges. He pulled his out trusty dagger and just a few careful jiggles and one satisfying click later, he stared the Khajiit girls insignificant worldly possessions. Some potions, the same red vials that she had given him when they had first seen each other. Gold, not much but probably enough for her personal things. And the dirty, old dress he had seen before. He touched it, caressed the old fabric and took it in his hands. What was buried underneath it, caught him totally by surprise.

Suddenly, he was twelve years old again and trying to sew back the ear he had torn off from his sister stuffed rabbit. He clearly remembered his mother's stern gaze, how she stood beside him and didn't allow him to leave until the ear had been sewn back on. He saw Raji's teary eyes but also a glint of happiness when she realized that her bunny wasn't completely ruined and soon enough it had both of its ears back.

The blood rushed through his brains, he heard his own heartbeat in his ears as he reached out for the old memory, for the old stuffed toy. It was missing its other eye and like the dress, it was dirty and stinky and abandoned. But he saw the stitches, the sloppy, careless seam that he had made. After it was done, his mother gently pulled the ear to make sure that it was properly in its right place. And then she pulled his ear, not so gently. It was a lesson that he never forgot.

He could barely stand, it was like his knees were made of jelly. All this time he had only tried to find reasons to deny everything he saw, to deny the dead person in front of him. The anger he had so long nurtured and carried along with him had blinded his eyes. Even when the most obvious things told him otherwise, the necklace, the dress and now, the stuffed rabbit. But he could no longer keep his eyes closed.

He stepped outside, still holding the rabbit in his other hand, half leaning against the wall. His brain tried to tell him what this all meant, how he would able to cope with this. As Sura walked into the room, there was nowhere he could hide but he didn't have the strenght nor the will to do so.

She didn't see him, that much he understood. He didn't want to move, he could only watch her, absorb her presence. The past and the present came crashing down, all in a huge mess that clouded his mind. That's why he couldn't really tell what she was doing, couldn't react in time, wasn't able to stop her.

Sura was rummaging through one of the cabinets, frantically looking for something. She didn't care if she ruined Farengar's carefully laid out order, she was looking for a certain potion. No, she though. Not a potion. _A poison._

Farengar had given it to her once, only a small amount to help her sleep. But she also remembered his words.

_" It will make sure that you sleep without dreams."_

_"This is the maximum amount you can take. If you drink more, you will die."_

_"You will die..."_

In her current situation, that didn't sound too bad.

_"You will die."_

She had stolen the key from the wizard and lost both Janessa and Lydia somewhere in the crowd. Now was her only chance. If she could forget, sleep without dreams, sleep without seeing _him, _without hearing him, without smelling him, her life would be a fair trade. It wasn't much of a life anyway, she thought as he found what she was looking for. The bright, blue liquid which Farengar had sealed in the rearmost part of the cabinet. She grabbed it and squeezed the small bottle in her hands, her only way out of this misery, and she wasn't about to let it go.

_Don't hesitate_, she told herself. _You don't need to think about this._

She opened the bottle. The sweet, overpowering scent of the liquid surrounded her. _Quikly_, she told herself. _Before someone comes here!_

She lifted the bottle to her lips, closed her eyes for a second, swallowed and then she drank the whole bottle. Her hands shook as the small glass vial dropped to the floor and shattered to small pieces.

_"You will die..."_

The sound of breaking glass woke J'Ziir from his dreamlike state. He shook his head, the rabbit fell to the floor with a soft thud. She spun around and saw him standing at her door. It should have been odd to see him there, but it wasn't. It was almost natural, like she had waited for him to be there. Her head began to spin and she had to lean against the table for support. She looked at him through a grey haze, her eyes began to cloud and it was slowly getting harder to breath.

\- That's mine, she whispered and pointed at the rabbit.

In mere seconds she lost her balance and he ran to her, grabbed her by her arms and shook her violently.

\- What did you take? he demanded but she was barely able to hear him. – Raji...

\- I just...wanted to forget, she mumbled against his chest. His body was warm and strong, she heard his heartbeat against her ear. A good place to fall asleep, she thought.

_A safe place. _


	23. Fade to black

**23\. Fade to black**

The party was over.

The reach was quiet.

The great longhouse was empty and abandoned. Even Irileth was gone from her usual post near the Jarl's throne. The guards were quiet and the servants were carefully cleaning up the place.

The lifeless body of the young Khajiit girl was carried upstairs and laid upon the Jarl's bed. The room was filled with people. Lydia was kneeling besides the bed, sobbing, holding her cold hand and calling her name. The Jarl walked back and forth, back and forth, from his personal study to his bedroom and back again. Farengar and Danica Pure-Spring did their best, both casting spells, using their power and energy but eventually they glanced at each other, _-" we have to give up"_, hope fading slowly away.

Vilkas and Farkas stood near the door, both brothers were quiet and uncomfortable. They wanted to do something, help somehow, but this was out of their reach. Farkas sensed his brother's anxiety and lowered his hand on his shoulder. Janessa stood next to them, for the first time the Dunmer looked completely out of her element. Never had she failed in her task this badly. Slowly she pulled out all the coin purse the Jarl had given her, placed it on the desk, turned and left. No one tried to stop her.

Lydia's teary eyes searched for her Thane and when she finally found him, she stood up, walked towards him and smacked him in the face. He didn't try to stop her and she smacked him again. When he finally looked at her, she was ready to smack her the third time. But the look in his eyes stopped her. Her hand froze in mid air. She had never seen such regret, such loss in anyone's eyes. And the fact she saw those feelings in her Thane's eyes was even more astonishing. Her Thane, the unfeeling, cold, calculating Dragonborn, who loathed her, loathed the Nords and their country. But Sura wasn't a Nord, why hadn't he stopped her? Why hadn't he intervened? If he'd done something, then Sura wouldn't be..._no! Don't go there! _Lydia told herself. _She is not going die!_

\- Farengar! the Jarl stepped in to the room. - How is she doing?

\- Miraculously, she is still alive, Farengar sighed. - But I'm afraid that will not be the case for long.

\- What did she took? Lydia spun around and her pleading eyes looked for answers in the court wizards face.

\- One of the strongest poisons I have, Farengar said. - How she got the key is beyond me. I always keep it with me, but...

\- Is there an antidote? Vilkas cut it.

\- No, Farengar shook his head.

Silence fell in the room. Farengar and Danica stepped away from the bed. Neither of them looked at the Jarl.

\- So, there is nothing you can do, J'Ziir finally said what everyone else was afraid ask.

\- There is nothing I can do, Farengar admitted silently.

\- There has to be a way! Lydia screamed, kneeled next to the bed again, took Sura's hand and wept. - We can't just give up!

\- It's what she wanted, J'Ziir said and they all looked at him, disbelief and shock in their faces. - None of you understood. You forced her to go around, reliving her nightmare over and over again. What was it you said, Jarl? _She will bend but not break! _Well, she has been broken for a long time.

\- What would you have us do then? the Jarl asked. - Leave her in the room, where she would have buried herself alive. Would it have been any better to let her starve? To let her die!

\- In the end, J'Ziir looked at him. - She chose death anyway.

\- Stop it! Lydia screamed again. - Stop it. Don't say that! She's not dead! She doesn't need to hear this...she...

\- Wait! Farengar lifted his head. There was hope in his voice and everyone looked up at him. - Maybe...maybe there is someone who can help.

\- Who? Vilkas asked and stepped forward. He was ready to leave immediately, even if it meant leaving Skyrim, going to Cyrodiil or even as far as Elsweyr.

\- The Arch-Mage at the College of Winterhold, Farengar said. - Savor Aren is a wise man, he knows everything about magic that there is to know. The college also has more knowledge of potions and spells than me. If he could help us...

\- We are going, Vilkas said to his brother and he nodded. - We will bring the wizard back before tomorrow.

\- One more thing, Farengar quickly scribbled down the recipe for the poison Sura had used. - Give this to him, he knows what has happened.

\- Dragonborn, the Jarl turned around but realized that the Khajiit was nowhere to be seen. He had wanted to ask him to go along with the Companions, but once again the silent predator had slipped away unnoticed.

* * *

Winterhold was a small, insignificant village, covered by snow and isolated by the sea and high, rugged cliffs. The wind was sharp and cut right through his cuirass, but he was finally here. He hadn't waited for the wolf brothers, but he knew they weren't far behind. And hour, maybe less. All he needed now was Winterhold and the Arch-Mage.

The ride from Whiterun to the North coast of Skyrim had been long and exhausting but he had pushed on, and stopped only to feed his horse or give it a quick rest. He knew the animal was tired, the cold wind, the long distance and the constant snowfall had exhausted the sturdy mare. As he rode through the village, the sun cast it's early morning rays to the high mountains. The snow and the ice sparkled, only few guards walked around but other than that, the village was quiet and empty.

The college was huge and very impressive building which was hard to miss. It was build upon a natural stone formation, using the steep and effective attractiveness of its surroundings. The massive stone building was off-putting and quiet. It left the rest of the village in its shadow and an ominous presence lingered around it. J'Ziir didn't wonder why mages and magic wasn't very popular in Skyrim.

He jumped of his horse, snow creaked under his boots and the air he exhaled vaporized. His fur kept him warm and he was slowly getting used to the cold climate of the land. He glanced at the stony walls and high towers.

So, this is where the mages hid themselves. A perfect little hiding place, in a remote corner of the world. A defensible position, no need to take any part in what's happening outside these walls.

He strode up the stone ramp and was greeted by a young Altmer sorceress. She was the gatekeeper of the college and anyone who wanted to enter, had to go through her.

\- Greetings, she said courteously. - How can I help you?

\- This the college, right? J'Ziir started.

\- Yes, this is it, the woman answered. - A safe haven for mages in Skyrim, a place of wisdom and arcane knowledge.

\- I'm here to see the Arch-Mage, J'Ziir stated. - Where is he?

\- I'm sorry, the woman smiled at him apologetically. - The Arch-Mage is a busy man. Unless you state your business, I can't allow you to see him.

\- Can I see him, or do I have to find him myself? J'Ziir was tired, hungry and this woman was getting on his nerves.

\- Like I said, she repeated patiently. - He is a busy man. Please tell me your reasons for wishing to see him.

\- Where is he? J'Ziir stepped ahead but the Altmer blocked his way. Instinctively he reached out for his axe, but she backed away, assumed a defensible stand and her hands filled with flames. He reconsidered his actions. Maybe violence wasn't the best option here. Her eyes were now dark and threatening.

\- This is not a place where you can push your way in with brute force, the Altmer said sternly. - Only those who come with peaceful intentions are allowed in.

\- We are not here to cause trouble, a calm voice behind J'Ziir stated. - We came to get help.

The Altmer lowered her hands but she kept her eyes on the angry looking Khajiit. He seemed fierce and dangerous, powerful and quick. But her duty was to defend the college and she was confident in her abilities.

The wolf brothers came at last, J'Ziir thought and glanced back. He had to admit, they were formidable warriors and seemed durable and hardy. And they had gained him much faster than he anticipated. The two men joined him at the gate and he was slightly surprised to see Farkas flashing an encouraging smile to him. Are we suddenly friends? he wondered.

\- There is a sick girl in Whiterun, Vilkas assumed his role as the natural leader. - She is dying. The Arch-Mage is the only one who might be able to help. We were sent by the Jarl's court wizard, Farengar Secret-Fire.

\- All of you? the Altmer seemed suspicious. - Even...him? she pointed at the Khajiit.

\- Even him, Vilkas nodded.

\- Very well, she finally nodded. - Follow me.

\- Just like my brother always says, Farkas nudged J'Ziir in the shoulder. - Use your words, not your swords.

She led them through the crumbly and degrading path, warned them to watch their step. The college had lost it glory over the times and its most magical days were far behind. They walked through a circular inner courtyard where a massive stone statue spread its arms as to welcome the visitors but also show the power the mages inside wielded. Despite the massive size of the building, the place felt empty, almost abandoned.

She guided them to spacious hall and asked them to wait. Three stone steps led to a lower platform and the hall was governed by a magical, bright blue beam in its center. They hadn't seen anyone else along the way. It was early morning, the sun had barely risen and its tinted, golden light shone through the windows.

She excused herself and the three men were left to stand around waiting and watching. Time seemed to crawl, every breath, sigh and sound was amplified by the high ceiling. They didn't talk to each other and the neither of the brothers asked why J'Ziir had come to Winterhold by himself or why he had left before them. All that mattered was the Arch-Mage. And the small, lingering hope that there was something he might be able to do.

They didn't know how long they had waited, time seemed to stop in this place. After some time, the Altmer returned to them. Few steps behind her walked a Dunmer. His red eyes searched their faces and he was eager to hear what they had to say. It wasn't very often that the college received visitors. He had expertise in many different fields of magic and he was confident in his abilities. An aura of peace radiated from him and he greeted them with a calm, steady voice.

\- Welcome to the College of Winterhold, he extended his hand. - I am Arch-Mage Savos Aren. Faralda here told me that you are in need of my help. What can I do for you?

\- A Khajiit girl in Whiterun is dying, Vilkas cut right to the chase and gave him the note that Farengar had entrusted him. - She drank a whole bottle of this poison. Farengar sent us here in hopes that you might be able to save this girl.

\- Hmm, Savos Aren took the note and read it. He knew immediately what poison it was and he also realized there was no antidote for it anywhere in Skyrim. A sad occurrence indeed. - Wait, he suddenly turned to look at them. Something caught his attention. - You said you wish to save the girl. Do you mean she is still alive?

\- She was, when we left, J'Ziir nodded.

The Dunmer turned to him and only now it seemed as he truly noticed him. He stared at him, stepped forward and something changed in his eyes. It was a minor change, no one else caught it, but somehow the Arch-Mage _knew_ him. Or at least he thought he did. He opened his mouth, he clearly wanted to say something, a name maybe but then the moment was over, he shook his head and turned to Faralda.

\- Go to the Arcanaeum, he said to her. - Tell Urag it's time. He'll understand.

The Altmer left and the Arch-Mage focused his intention to his visitors once more. He tried not look at the Khajiit but eventually he could not help himself. The Dunmer's eyes lingered in his face, in his scars, his wounds and he clearly saw all the suffering he had endured. His eyes reflected pity and sadness but his voice was steady. - I will come with you. I can't promise anything until we get there, but I have a strong feeling that we can save her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will go gather my things.

He left the Hall of Elements and walked to the doors that led to his quarters. What do I need to take with me? Urag would bring him the books, the letters, the diary. All he needed was his satchel and some potions and herbs. And if the girl was still alive, there was only one explanation.

_The necklace._

And if she had the necklace, the other part was all that he needed.

On the foyer, he slowed down, stopped and looked back. _Just like his father_, he thought_. The same passion, the same burning eyes. It is almost like he has returned, after all these years._

_But the hate, that was different. And there was anger, it was right beneath the surface, ready to erupt like a volcano. Had the boy seen what had happened to his family?_

_His father had known what would happen._

_That's why the Eye existed._


	24. The Dragon's Eye

**24\. The Dragon's eye**

They arrived in Whiterun late in the afternoon. The college had its own carriage and driver and the Arch-Mage had insisted using it. It would be much more comfortable way to travel, especially in his age, he said. Most of the journey went by in silence, only cold wind whispered its mysteries. J'Ziir was extremely relieved when they eventually arrived, he was having enough of the Arch-Mages relentless attention. Earlier that morning, when they had left Winterhold behind, he had asked why the Dunmer kept staring at him. What was he looking for? His only answer was "_who_". His patience wore thin and so he left the Dunmer in his carriage and rode ahead. And still he could feel his red eyes drilling in the back of his head.

The Jarl and the court wizard were eagerly waiting them at the longhouse. Farengar greeted the Arch-Mage delightfully and without a moments delay, led him upstairs where the unconscious girl still lay in the bed. They were all relieved to know that she was still alive. Lydia hadn't moved from her side, she had been sleeping next to her, keeping guard and monitoring her breathing, praying and wishing and hoping that she would be able to go on. When she saw the Dunmer approach them, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. _Finally_, she thought.

The Arch-Mage sat on the bed next to the girl and took her cold hand on his own. He closed his eyes and was silent for a moment. A calming, golden glow surrounded them and the people in the room simply watched. Finally he opened his eyes, set his hand on her forehead and nodded. He took her necklace in his hand, closed it in his fist for a while and as he opened it, the jewel shined. It was like an enchanted sapphire in his hand, sparkling gently against his blue skin. He turned to look at J'Ziir and reached out his other hand.

\- I need your half as well, he said and J'Ziir frowned. He touched his necklace and swallowed. The Arch-Mage saw his hesitation, so he continued: - Uniting the Eye is the only way to save your sister.

Lydia stared at him, the Jarl stared at him. They all watched him with an amazement and disbelief. If he wouldn't give the necklace would they take it from him by force? Would they risk it? Would he risk it? If he wanted to save Sura - _Zahraji _\- the Arch-Mage needed his necklace.

_Think later_, he told himself, removed the jewel, held it in his hand for a moment and then gave it to the Dunmer. He nodded, lifted Sura's head enough to slip it on her neck and laid her back down. The other part of the jewel reacted and the same glow enveloped it. He turned the two crescent moons against each other, recited few unfamiliar words and they all watched as the two parts locked in place. The moons turned into eyelids, both parts extended a semicircle and produced a magical, glowing pupil in the middle. It was bright blue and it lighted the whole room, it was more radiant than all the candles and flames put together.

The Arch-Mage laid the amulet to Sura's chest and the unconscious girl sighed silently. He pulled the warm furs on top of her, stood up and smiled.

\- She needs four to five days but after that she should be alright, he assured.

\- What is that? Farengar asked with endless curiosity. - I've never seen anything like it.

\- It's called the Dragon's Eye, the Arch-Mage explained. - It's one its kind, the only one in existence. It was made by a powerful wizard, a colleague and a dear friend of mine, years ago. This is the first time I have seen it completed. But the power in each half is immense and that is what kept her alive long enough. Now that the amulet is completed, it will erase the poison in her and restore her will to live.

\- How did you know? J'Ziir stared at the Dunmer.

\- I knew your father, the Arch-Mage said. - And I saw your half of the necklace. But when I heard that the girl is still alive my suspicions were confirmed. There was only one power that was strong enough to keep her alive. The other half of Eye.

Lydia stood up but was still afraid to leave her friend alone. - She will live?

\- Yes, she will, Savos Aren nodded.

\- Thank the Gods, she sighed. Only now, after hours of being stressed, stricken with grief and full of worry, she noticed how tired she was. How exhausted and how heavy her limbs felt.

\- Lydia, the Jarl said. - Go get some rest. Like the Arch-Mage said, she will be fine now.

\- I would like to stay here nevertheless, she insisted but the Jarl was adamant. Farengar and the Arch-Mage were the only ones who were allowed to stay in the room. Everyone else was ordered out.

\- I know she is your family, the Jarl said to J'Ziir when he refused to leave. - But she is also my family. You both have waited for years, I'm sure you can wait a couple more days. Now - I would appreciate if you took care of Lydia. Whether you like it or not, she is your housecarl.

\- I released her, if you don't remember, he grunted. - She can take care of herself for all I care. There is someone else I need to be with.

\- Please, the Jarl asked. - Lydia is my niece. I entrust her to your care.

The Jarl was stubborn and hard-headed. He closed the doors to his bedroom and guided J'Ziir away. He was furious and thought about forcing his way in. What right did they have to separate them now? But when the Jarl ordered his irritating housecarl to guard duty, he realized that waiting was his only choice. He didn't want to be thrown in the reach's prison.

He turned to leave only to see his tired housecarl making her way downstairs. She could barely walk and like a drunkard she swung from side to side. And what was even more ridiculous, she was still wearing the same, revealing red dress that she had worn in the Jarl's party. Seeing her condition, he felt a sudden pinch somewhere inside him, like someone had pricked him with a needle. He had already half accepted his attraction towards her, but that was all he would accept. But since she had stayed by Sura's side all this time, taking her back home would be like paying a debt. And he always paid his debts. He walked after her and grabbed her by the arm.

\- Come on, he said. - I'll take you home.

\- I have a bed in the barracks, she told him. - That's my home. And I can get there myself, thank you very much, my Thane.

\- You can barely walk straight, J'Ziir snapped. - Now, follow me and don't argue.

\- Or what? she raised her other eyebrow. - Are you going to knock me unconscious?

\- I might, he snarled. - If it makes you easier to handle.

\- That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Lydia slapped his hand. - As long as things are easy to handle, everything is alright. Well, my Thane. I think your simple life just got lot of more complicated. Now you actually have something to fight for.

\- Keep your mouth shut, he dragged her along. - Nothing has changed.

\- Nothing has changed? she was astonished. - Are you insane? I mean...with all due respect, my Thane, but still!

\- Maybe I am crazy, he let go of her hand and immediately regretted his softhearted decision of taking her home. But now she was livid, almost fully awake and followed in his footsteps.

\- Now do you see what I meant, Lydia grabbed his shoulder but he shook her off and continued on. - Your sister, your reason to fight and save this land.

\- No, he turned to face her. - I found her, yes. But I can take her with me and leave. Neither one of us belong here. This is not our home.

\- This is her home, Lydia argued and hurried after him. They rushed through the silent Market and towards the main gate. - It's been her home as long as she remembers. And the man she loves lives here! She doesn't remember you! To her you are just a rude stranger!

He stopped on his tracks. He had refused to think about it, that she still wouldn't recognize him. That there would only be a black, empty void where her real family should have been. That she would actually choose these Nords before him. And why wouldn't she? What had he done to keep her safe? Even when he had known the truth but denied it.

\- J'Ziir? Lydia walked next to him and touched his hand. - Are...are you alright? I didn't mean to say that, it was rude of me. I know she will remember you eventually and...

\- Don't comfort me, he growled. - Let's go.

Lydia gave up. He didn't want to talk about it, like always. And she way too tired to argue with him. But eventually he would have to face the truth and expect it. Or lose his sister all over again.

\- Get inside, J'Ziir stopped at the door of a medium-sized house. It was right next to the Warmaiden's and Lydia had always admired the house. It wasn't too big nor too small, it had a spacious downstairs and a small bathroom just behind the stairs. It had two medium sized bedrooms upstairs. All in all it was a very cozy little place. If she could have chosen where to live in Whiterun, it would have been in Breezehome. But her measly payment was never enough and her father always reminded her that she would have a house of her own when she and Hadvar were married.

He opened the door and waved her in.

\- Wait...what? Lydia followed him. - What is going on?

\- You always complain that I don't have a place to stay, J'Ziir sighed. - Now I do. Go upstairs and get some rest. The small room on the left is yours. I have things to do.

\- You bought a house? Lydia grinned and teased him. - When?

\- What does it matter? he turned to leave. - I have a house and you have a place to stay. I don't want to hear anything more about it. I'm leaving, get some rest, he ordered and slammed the door shut behind him.

Lydia looked around and even his angry exit couldn't ruin her good mood. She was tired and sore and her muscles were aching but for the first time in ages she felt herself happy. Sura would survive and she would help her recover and deal with her bad memories. And what was even more amazing - her Thane had finally listened to her and bought himself a house. And not just any house. Breezehome.

She peeked in to the little room under the stairs and saw a wide, wooden bathtub in the corner. There was also two big barrels of warm and cold water. Lydia giggled - _did you planned this for me, my Thane?_ No way, that would be too much assume. She removed her gown, threw it on the floor and filled the tub with steaming water. She added some lavender leaves and tundra cottons and sighed as the warm, scented liquid embraced her body. Things were finally starting to look better, she thought and closed her eyes.


	25. Light in the darkness

**25\. Light in the darkness**

J'Ziir headed back to the reach. He knew he couldn't see Sura, but if the Arch-Mage was still around, he could at least get some answers from him. Even if he was vague, spoke in riddles and gave him unclear and obscure remarks, the Dunmer would give him some answers.

The longhouse was as empty as before. The Jarl had probably gone to get some rest, but he heard voices coming from the wizard's room. He stopped at the door and saw the two men sitting and talking. Farengar was asking questions about the jewel, who had made it and what kind of powers were attached to it. The Dunmer was reluctant to answer and as soon as he noticed him, he seemed very relieved.

\- Ah, Farengar greeted him. - I believe you two have things to talk about. Maybe we can continue this conversation tomorrow, Arch-Mage.

\- I'm afraid I have to get back to the Winterhold, Savos Aren answered. - I can't leave the college unattended for too long.

\- Of course, I understand, Farengar said but he was clearly disappointed. It wasn't everyday that you came across something so new and fascinating. Eventually he wished them good night and retreated to his room.

Savos Aren stood up from his chair and walked calmly to the quiet longhouse. J'Ziir's eyes followed him and as he sat down, he walked up to him, slammed his hands on the table and leaned forward.

\- Alright, mage, no more mysteries, he said. - You are going to tell me what I want to know. And if you lie...

\- You look so much like your father. Jo'azirr, the Arch-Mage interrupted him.

He backed away from the table. _That name! _He hadn't heard in such a long time. No one in his family ever used his fathers real name. Even his mother - she just called him Azirr. _Jo'azirr_... too many memories rushed back at the same time, flooded his mind, and he was unable to stop any of them.

\- I'm sure you have many questions, my boy, the Arch-Mage said calmly and pulled out a chair next to him. - You don't have to threaten me. Sit and I will tell you whatever I know and remember.

For the first time in ages he was ready to listen. And the more he told, the more he wanted to know. Savos Aren began to tell him the story about his father, of a father he had never known, long before he or his sister were born. It was a story that he had never heard, it contained things he had never wanted to know. As a boy, he didn't care about his parents past, it was enough to know they were there. There to protect him and Raji. He remembered his fathers interest in magic, he had mastered some simple tricks and he collected soul gems for decoration. What the Arch-Mage told him, painted a whole new picture in front of his eyes.

Savos Aren and Jo'azirr had been good friend and colleagues. Jo'azirr was one of the most talented mages he had ever known. When he became the Arch-Mage of the College, he invited his friend to Winterhold where he stayed for many years, not only studying but also teaching as one of their Master Wizards. He made an interesting addition to the College, since there were so few Khajiit mages in Skyrim. He knew the most powerful conjuration and destruction spells like the back of his hands and he was always eager to teach others and share the discoveries he made. When he eventually left the College, they agreed to stay in touch through letters and messages.

J'Ziir didn't understand. If his father was such a great wizard, if he indeed wielded so much power, how could his life had ended so miserably. Why hadn't he protected his family? From that painful day, he clearly remembered that his father had not used his powers. He hadn't lifted a single finger against their attackers. He had simply given up.

\- And the amulet? J'Ziir wanted to know. - The Eye.

\- It was your father's project, Savos Aren explained. - He told me very little of it. I only knew how to unite the pieces and what spells to recite to make it whole. But what spells he poured in to those necklaces, I can't say. If I'd had to guess, I'd say some very powerful healing magic. But I do know he made it to protect you and your sister.

The Dunmer had told him everything he could, the rest he would have to find out himself. The Arch-Mage took out three leather books from his satchel. They were old and dusty and J'Ziir recognized his father's handwriting. The Dunmer stacked them on the table in front of him.

\- Here, he said. - These were the last letters and diaries your father sent to me. In one of his letters he urged me to give them to you when you were old enough. I believe that day has come. I haven't read them, but I'm sure they contain more answer for you. I hope you will find what you are looking for, my boy.

\- How did he know that I would come to you? J'Ziir asked.

\- Like he knew everything else that would happen, the Arch-Mage said. - Read them, son. Let your father explain his actions.

Time crawled on but he didn't touch the books. It was too much too soon. He had come to this wretched land to revenge the death of his family. He hadn't cared about himself, he would have been content to die after his purpose was fulfilled. But suddenly he had found his dead sister - and he also became the legend to these Nords. A legend he didn't want to be.

_This is what I was after_, he thought to himself. _Answers_. _You never knew why, now you have a chance to know_. He touched one of the books, caressed its leather cover, drew a deep breath and opened it.

_What do you have to say for yourself, father?_ _If you knew all this would happen, then you also knew what I would have to go through. And you can't expect me to forget or forgive that. And if you knew...why didn't you save me? Why didn't you prevent it from happening? _

The first pages were filled with words written in haste, barely understandable and partly torn. He knew he wouldn't be able to read this all tonight, but he could at least begin, maybe give his father a chance before he would continue on his way. He knew even his father's words wouldn't be able to chance his course.

"_My dearest son. _

_You are truly reading this now. It is time. The Eye is complete and you have found your sister. I know you are angry, I foresaw everything you would go through. I prayed I was wrong, I prayed an easier path for you, but it seems that all my prayers were in vain. And I know what still lies ahead of you. I won't lie to you. This land needs you. You don't feel it now, but its your home. It always was. Don't let go of it, don't let you anger blind you from all the good things in life. It covered your eyes already once when you should have recognized your sister. _

_In your heart you believe that this path of revenge and bitterness is yours to walk to its horrifying end but you still have time to turn back. I know that in your mind you want to ignore all of this and you have made a decision to follow your plan. _

_But know this._

_If you choose your revenge, rely on others. Don't go alone. Trust is the hardest thing to come by in this world, but if you want to succeed, you will have to reach out and look for support. And if I'm not mistaken, there are already people by your side who you can lean on to. _

_Your sister loves a man who is honest, honorable and who can and will help you. Do not be afraid to place your trust on to him. And you care for a woman, who is strong and committed to stay by your side. For more answers, talk to the Harbinger. I believe he has already offered his advice to you once, but you are proud and independent, so you didn't accept his help. _

_I know you are getting tired now. Don't read this all at once. Be merciful to yourself, heal together with your sister. Find answers together with her. And finally, find your home, a place where your heart can finally rest and your tormented soul can find its peace."_


	26. Garden of Dreams

**26\. Garden of Dreams**

_She was sure she was sleeping. _

_But everything here felt so real. The wind brushing her cheek, the birds chirping and singing, the smell of autumn leaves falling to the ground. She walked amongst them, hearing them swish at her feet. Clinging to her hem like wanting to go with her. Golden, yellow, red and orange leaves fell upon her. Around her. The trees whispered. _

_She knew where she was. The scenery was so familiar, she almost smelled the flowers – lavender, deathbell, tundra cottons – that her mother grew in her garden. She also smelled the smoke, as it rose from the chimney, it was embedded in their walls, in their bed sheets, rugs and clothing. _

_To her, it was the scent of home._

_The scent of safety and love. The scent of her mother's sweet embrace, the scent of her father's joyous, warm laughter. It even accompanied her when her brother grabbed her hand and they ran together to nearest clear stream and jumped in shrieking and screaming, splashing water onto each other, giggling and enjoying the summer. _

_She knew she wasn't far from home and from those memories. She desperately wanted to see them again, her parents, her brother, and their small little farm house. She wasn't walking, the brisk wind now carried her along. Carried her closer, faster, not allowing her to stop and grab on to the memories that were now surrounding her, memories that had eluded her for so long. _

_A familiar sandy road, a huge rock, where she and J'Ziir used to climb upon, the clear, blue stream where father took them fishing every now and then. And the night sky filled with stars and auroras, all the constellations mother knew and showed them, all the stories she told them. The two huge moons looking down on her, whispering, encouraging...remember, remember..._

_Night came upon her, she was now moving slower and the stars vanished. A thick fog surrounded her. A huge, ominous creature was moving amongst it, but she wasn't afraid, for she knew what kind of beast it was. As it emerged, she almost spread her arms to welcome it, to embrace it. The same creature had saved her life all those years ago. _

_It looked at her with its glowing yellow eyes, it towered over her, its thick fur smelled like the forest, it was matted with pine needles, leaves and dirt and its sharp claws were curved, long and dangerous. But she knew it wouldn't hurt her. It didn't leave her but remained at her side, walking next to her, covered by the fog. She heard its heavy footsteps, heavy breathing. _

_Silently they walked along, the Khajiit girl and her protector._

_And then – the Orc appeared. _

_He was smiling, grinning like a madman, standing there, right in front of her. Mocking her with its existence. "You allowed me to live forever", it growled and its voice was low and sultry. She turned away but it didn't vanish. Wherever she turned, it appeared, over and over again. And with it, the fear returned. It was stronger now, more powerful. And she realized she would have to face this now. Face him._

_She looked around for her protector, but the creature of the forest had disappeared. "There are some battles you have win by yourself."_

_The fear paralyzed her and made the Orc stronger. With horror she watched as it took one step closer and then another. And another. And another. Still that horrible, bloody smile on its face, it reached out its hand and grabbed her. Its hands were cold and icy, fingers bony and painful, eyes unfeeling and cruel. Its was like a corpse, dead but still alive, cold but burning with vengeance and anger. And lust. It was about to do what it already had done to her, but this time it would be worse. Much, much worse._

_She tried to get away from it, but the fog tied her in her place. She struggled, kicked it, punched it, but the Orc was like a stone wall. All she could hear was its maniac laughter that echoed all around her. _

_Suddenly a warm summer wind embraced her. It whispered to her, chased the fear away and replaced it with courage and strength. Something hot and dangerous was boiling inside her. It spread through her body, traveled at the tip of her fingers and before she even knew what she did, it exploded from her. A wall of fire, hot, scorching, wiping everything in its path. _

_The Orc was enveloped in the flames, she heard its screams. It was like an animal, writhing in pain, screaming out in agony, reaching out for her, to save it, help it, begging for mercy. Its eyes were bleeding red, the blood boiled in them, out of them, the skin melted of from its fingers as it tried to catch her. _

_She didn't have any mercy for it._

_She watched it burn, wanted it to suffer, wanted it to go through the same torture, the same agony that it had once caused her. When it realized she wouldn't help, it made one last, desperate attempt to get her. With its last strength, it stood up, a blazing, living torch, its clothes and hair in fire, its skin scorched and almost burned to the crisp. She took only one step, just one step away from it. No more. She refused to run any further. But that was enough. It fell - first to its knees, its eyes still looking for her, now filled with nothing but emptiness. And then, in this silent place where there was only it and her, she watched him burn away, fade away, finally die completely. _

_She felt like nothing in this fog could threaten her. Not any more. Her worst enemy was dead. She breathed out. It was over. She had finally beaten it. The Orc had almost managed to kill her, almost drew her to her own death. Even beyond the grave, it had been able to control her. Make her suffer, fear and live in anguish. _

_Not any more._

_As the Orc burned, the wind swept away its last remains. The fog cleared, the sun came out and she finally saw small farm house, her mothers garden, the smoke that rose from the chimney, the old rickety yard swing by the small pond. _

_And there, sitting together, holding each other's hands, looking at her, smiling, waiting for her, were her parents. Her real parents. Her family. _

_Her mother smiled at her and spread her arms and without a second thought, she rushed forward, ran across the garden and threw herself in to her mothers arms. Tears gushed out her eyes. She couldn't help it. They were here, she was here. Finally, she had found them. _

_Her father embraced them both, she could hear his heartbeat – the steady thump, thump, thump, in his chest. The smoky scent of his clothes, the warm, fuzzy feeling of his fur. In that moments, she remembered them all and never wanted to let go. _

_She didn't know how long they stood there like that, just holding each other. But she couldn't let go nor did she wanted to. Her mother took her face in her hands and wiped away her tears. She was smiling and her eyes sparkled like two precious gemstones. _

_\- Finally, you are here, my child, she said and brushed her cheek. – We have been waiting for you. _

_\- Waiting, she repeated and looked at them both. – How...? You both died..._

_As soon as she said those words, everything about that horrible day rushed into her mind. She stepped away from them – from the ghosts of her parents. She clearly remembered the men who came, how her brother had told her to stay quiet, to stay hidden in the wagon, how they had shot the horse with their bows and arrows and how the poor animal, stricken with pain, fear and panic, had fled, first towards the road and then, as the men shot more arrows into its skin, towards the gushing, roaring river and the sudden cliff that dropped vertically down. Still dragging the wagon where she was hiding. Hiding and not being able to make a sound. Hiding and squeezing the stuffed rabbit in her tiny hands. Hiding and watching her parents die before her eyes. She had seen the horror in her brothers eyes, the only member of her family that was still alive by then. _

_And then...nothing._

_The cold water, the battle for survival. _

_Not wanting to believe. Not wanting to remember. Forgetting, first slowly and then completely. Going...going..._

_Gone. _

_She turned back to look at her parents. They still stood there just watching her, letting her gather the pieces together. She looked at their house and now it wasn't the small cozy farm that she had spent her childhood in. Now it was a burning, smoldering pile of rock and lumber. Like her childhood, it was destroyed and erased. Swept away with the wind._

_\- Why did you bring me here? she asked. – Why did you wanted me to see this? _

_It pained her heart, to live it all through again. If this was all that she had, if these were the memories that she has chased for so long, she didn't want them. She wanted to forget all over again. Not see this, not feel so powerless, not being able to stop it and bring them all back. _

_\- You need to help him, her father said and took her hands to his. – Your brother. He remembers all this. And he is consumed by his hatred, his thirst for revenge. He needs your help._

_\- J'Ziir? she said his name and as she turned around, he was standing there, behind her. Not as an adult, not as the overconfident, arrogant being that he was now, but as innocent and overprotective as she could remember him. _

_\- Why didn't you stop it? he screamed at his father. – You knew what would happen. To me! To Raji! To all of us! Why didn't you stop it?_

_The louder he screamed, the older he became and soon enough she saw him as he was now. Tormented by all the things he had endured, living only with the black hatred in his heart. Hating the man that had destroyed them but at the same time, hating his parents for letting it happen. _

_\- You were a master wizard! he shouted. – You could have saved us!_

_\- I saved you and your sister, their father answered with a calm voice. – There was nothing else I could do. _

_\- Nothing? J'Ziir stepped closer and for a moment it seemed that he was ready to struck down his own father. – You knew what happened to me. What I had to go through! _

_\- And you survived because of the Eye, their father answered. – Like your sister did. _

_The Eye. Sura looked down and saw the pendant glowing in her neck. It was completed now, the two crescent moons formed a glowing, sparkling eye. It was because of the necklace that they were here, that they were able to see their parents at all. To be united as a family, even if it only was for a little moment. _

_\- What's the Eye? Sura asked her father. _

_\- It's my life, he answered. – And your mother's. _

_He held out his hand and called his wife's name. Namada. She stepped forward and took it. They stood there, together, watching them, begging for understanding, for forgiveness. _

_\- Your life? J'Ziir repeated. – What does that mean? _

_\- Azirr knew what would happen, their mother explained. – He knew that we wouldn't be able to be with you. But saving you...our most precious children...we had to find a way. And so...we gave up our own lives for you. _

_\- The night before, Azirr continued and squeezed her hand a little tighter. – We added the last ingredient to the amulet. The remaining years of our lives. The essence of our spirits. The remaining strength in us. My life in yours, J'Ziir. And Namada's in yours, Raji. My son, Azirr looked at J'Ziir. – When you went through the hunger, the torture, the sleepless nights, the pain and the suffering, I was there with you, every step along the way. It was my life that shortened, not yours. My strength, my pain. My blood they spilled._

_\- Why? J'Ziir snarled. – Why bring us here now? Nothing will change..._

_\- I know that, Azirr nodded. - And I'm not trying to stop you or change your mind. How could I? You are so much stronger than I ever was. _

_\- Your sister lost all her memories, Namada said. – She needs to remember. But like her, you have also lost your roots. You need to remember as well. _

_\- I remember, J'Ziir growled and turned away. – Too well. Now, let me go!_

_\- We are not keeping you here, Azirr said. – You are free to go if you wish. _

_Sura watched as her brother – once so kind, caring, humorous brother – walked away without a moments hesitation and was swallowed by the fog. She wanted to run after him and tell him not to go, not now when she had finally found him. When they were finally all here together. Her father touched her shoulder and she turned to look at him._

_\- Stay by his side, Azirr said. – He needs you, but he doesn't know it. He can't do any of this alone._

_\- What can I do? Sura asked. – I don't even know him anymore..._

_\- Talk to him, Azirr smiled. - Remind him of us. What we used to be and what was important. _

_\- I...I'll try, Sura nodded. _

_\- One more thing, her father lowered his hands of her shoulders and stared deeply in her eyes. - Return to us. _

_\- What? she shook her head. Now she understood nothing. _

_\- When the time is right, her father continued. - You know what you need to do. But remember, when that happens, we will disappear, our lives bound together in the amulet will not be strong enough to go on after that. _

_\- What are you talking about? Sura frowned. - Pa... _

_\- Make her return, Azirr said. -If she dies, he won't survive either._

_\- Who? Who will die? she was getting worried. _

_\- You will know, her father assured her. - In time. _

_\- I can't do anything, if you are not telling me..._

_\- Turn to those you know and love, Namada brushed her daughter's cheeck. – Right now there is someone waiting for you. For you to open your eyes and look at him. _

_Gently her mother hugged her and then turned her to look towards the forest. There, at the very edge, she saw the same giant creature that had guided her here. She didn't feel fear towards it, only devotion. And then the creature changed. Slowly its human features came to view, its arms shortened, its fur and its tail disappeared. The feral look in its eyes vanished. _

_Sura recognized the man standing in its place. He was looking at her, his grey eyes smiled and he reached out his hand, as to welcome her, to guide her back to their world. _

_She turned to her parents. She knew she would have to figure the rest out by herself. And she was ready to do that. She hugged them both and swore she would never again forget them or what had happened. Then she ran to him, took his hand and continued towards life, towards light, by his side._


	27. Awakening

**27\. Awakening**

As soon as she opened her eyes, everything came back to her. And for the first time in years, everything was clear. Who she was, why she was here and where she needed to be. What she needed to do. She laid in the bed for a while, staring at the ceiling and as she looked to her left, she saw Lydia laying beside her in the bed. Her friend was still asleep but she was holding her hand, not wanting to let her go. Sura smiled and quietly pulled her own hand from hers. She didn't want to wake her, she wasn't ready to answer her questions yet.

She stood up and sat on the edge of the bed for a while. The radiant glow of the necklace had faded away but it was still pulsating, still alive against her skin. She touched it a wave of energy rushed through her.

_"__My life in your half, J'Ziir. And Namada's in your sister's."_

Now she knew for certain that she would always carry her mother with her. And always had. The thought comforted her, it made her more determined and without a second though she knew that she would have to leave Whiterun.

At least for now.

Go back to Riften, say final goodbyes to her parents. Recover what was still left and then move on. Move on and help her brother. Will he accept me? she thought. Will he want my help? Or is he just going to turn away from me and continue on his own? No, she shook her head. I won't let him. He is the only family I have left. I will not lose him. Not again. Not anymore.

She stood up and glanced out of the window. The sky was filled with clouds and she figured it was late afternoon. Someone had changed her clothes – Lydia no doubt. She was wearing a white nightgown, one of her own. She took few steps towards the door but realized that there were probably lots of guards outside. This was the Jarl's bedroom, after all.

The guards didn't really bother her anymore. Her fear had vanished and for the first time she felt like she could walk out into the world and keep herself safe. She looked at her hands and felt the power that had been sleeping within her for so long. The spells that Farengar had thought her throughout the years felt so measly and ineffective now. Something had happened to her in her dreams. Her memories had returned but she felt like her father has sent something else with her as well.

His own powers. (_Return to us!_)

She glanced back at Lydia and decided to let her sleep. Without a second though, she opened the door and walked out of the bedroom. Her sudden presence scared the guards, they didn't say anything but they took a few careful steps back, away from her. Their emotionless helmets revealed nothing but she could sense their fear. She understood that. After all she had drank poison that had no antidote. To them, she was a corpse. A thrall that had awakened without her own will. She didn't let their intense gazes bother her. Without a word, she walked the wooden stairs down, opened the huge doors and slipped into the longhouse. The stone floor felt cold underneath her feet but she skittered across the floor silently and quickly. She continued on, down the stairs and peeked into the throne room.

The Jarl was in a heated conversation with his Dunmer bodyguard and with his steward. She could hear their voices but couldn't quite grasp what they were talking about. Every now and then she did hear the word "Dragonborn". They were talking about J'Ziir. She looked around to see if he was anywhere to be seen. She didn't really know how to react to his presence yet. It had been so long since they had last met. The thought made her stop in her tracks. _Since they had last met._ It had been nearly twenty years since they had actually seen each other. All this time that J'Ziir had been in Skyrim, they had been strangers. She didn't know what had happened to him during the years that they had been apart. Right now she just wanted to slip into her room, change her clothes and then think about her plan of action.

The Jarl, the Dunmer and the steward were all so enthralled in their conversation that she was sure they wouldn't notice her. She lifted her hem, stuck to the shadows and quietly headed towards the court wizard's room. She was relieved to see that the room was empty. Quickly she opened the door to her own bedroom. She knew it wouldn't take long for Lydia to wake up, notice that she was gone and alert the whole reach. Before that she needed to gather herself, her thoughts, and make sure she knew what she wanted to do.

She opened her wardrobe and pulled out one of the few dresses she had. Quickly she changed her clothes and as she closed the door she saw the abandoned, stuffed rabbit on her bed. Someone had laid it there. The last time she remembered seeing it was when J'Ziir ran up to her and dropped it to the floor.

She touched the rabbit and picked it up. Now she remembered squeezing it in her hand when she crawled out of the river. Squeezing it when she walked in the dark forest, wet, cold and alone. Shadows reaching out, ready to snatch her, take her and kill her. The rabbit had been her only tie to her old life, the only thing that kept her safe in the madness she was thrown into.

For years she had discarded the rabbit, stuffed it underneath her clothes, buried it inside her small chest. Now she pressed it against her heart. She wanted to take it with her and maybe – if she'd be able to find any kind of sign of her parents – she would leave it there, in their old home. To tell them that she would never again forget them.

She rummaged through her chest and pulled out the small coin purse. She counted the coins, a little over 250 gold. Would she be able to buy a decent armor with that? Or at least some kind of armored west that could protect her on the way? Maybe I should talk to Eorlund about it, she decided. Unless he wants to stop me from leaving, then I have to make it myself. The best way to get to Riften are the carriages that leave from Whiterun stables everyday. She didn't know how much it would cost but she hoped she had enough.

And then – the hardest part was still ahead.

Telling the Jarl that she had to leave.

She was not about to forget the kindness, the care and love she had received in Whiterun during all these years. When she had forgotten her own father, another man had stepped into his shoes and filled his place with honor. Sura couldn't have had a better man in her life. But she knew the Jarl and after everything that had happened, he would probably try to stop her the best he could. She cared for him but this was something that she had to do.

She nodded to herself. She knew her plans and how to make them happen. First step, talk to Eorlund. Second step, talk to the Jarl. Third step...talk to J'Ziir.

For the first time since she woke up she realized that she would have to speak with the Dragonborn. With her brother. What would that be like? she thought. She only remembered the cute little boy who sometimes teased her, pulled her tale and whiskers, but mostly showed her new, exiting things. When they ran to the nearest river, the morning sun was only rising, how the wild fish were migrating up the stream, how their scales shone silvery and how they sparkled in the first light of dawn. How he smiled at her when he saw her face light up. How he grabbed her hand, pulled her along, helped her to climb on the big rocks and tall trees and how they sat together on a small hill watching as the sun painted their little home valley.

How could that little boy be the same angry, hot-tempered Dragonborn? And what would you say to him? Sura asked herself. She couldn't think of anything, not a single thing. Just saying "hello" and "how have you been" sounded too plain and too inadequate.

_You can think about that later_, she said to herself and stood up from her bed. Now there were many more things she had to do. She placed the stuffed rabbit back on the bed and gently caressed its head and first time in days, a genuine, gentle smile rose on her face. She didn't knew it, but it was the same smile, the same expression that had stolen Vilkas' heart many, many years ago. And like so many others in Whiterun, he also believed he would never see that open, beautiful smile again.

To Eorlund, she decided, stepped out of her room and walked calmly to the longhouse. When she appeared from the Court Wizard's room, all the talk, all noise, all the movement seized. For a minute or two, the Jarl simply stared at her, not believing his eyes, not wanting to believe. When he finally stood up from his chair he took a few hesitating steps, said her name and then as she smiled to him, he rushed forward, grabbed her in his arms and held her for a long, long time. His heart surged with joy, it was like snatching a dear, beloved child from the certain death and never in his lifetime wanting to give the child back to that cold, cruel destiny.

\- Wha...how? the Jarl mumbled, pushed her away to look at her, to really make sure it was her and then he pulled her back in his strong arms and laughed. She couldn't help but laugh with him.

\- I'm alright now, she reassured him. - I'm alright.

\- How can you be? the Jarl refused to let go of her. - After what almost happened? You should rest some more, you need to rest...

\- There are things I need to do, she pulled away and looked at him.

Jarl Balgruuf watched her. Watched her closely. Something had changed in her. Like a new found confidence, a new certainty of something. Like she knew now where she belonged and what she wanted and needed to do. The realization made him happy but also very sad. It meant that at some level, he would loose her. This daughter of his. This child who he had cherished and tried to keep safe. But in his heart, hadn't he always known that this day would come. When he would have to let go, let her search the past she so wanted to know. A big part of her past had already revealed itself. And something that no one had expected turned out to be real. To think that this child, this little orphan, who he had raised in Whiterun for over twenty years, suddenly had a family. Or at least a brother. A brother, who was nothing like her.

And as he contemplated what it would mean for them to finally meet and talk to each other, the Dragonborn entered the reach. Everyone turned to look at him, but he only saw one person. The two images in his head combined in to one. The little sister he always cherished and remembered had grown into this beautiful, sparkling woman. That image now completed itself. He stood motionless like a statue, staring, trying to believe and still not actually believing. For a moment he wanted to turn and run. To leave. Not face this. Not acknowledge this. Not accept it. Time had done its damage. The torture had done its damage. Finding her wouldn't change a thing. He was almost disappointed to realize this.

Sura looked at him. She had seen him many times but now she looked at him differently. She examined her feelings towards him. Was there love? Longing? Pity? Anger or hate? No, she understood. Not hate nor anger. She couldn't feel longing because this man wasn't the brother she remembered. He was nothing like him. And still, she knew it was him. Was sure it was him. She felt pity because he had seen his bitterness and allowed it to control him. But she also felt tenderness. She wanted to walk up to him and wrap her arms around him, like their mother had many, many years ago. And tell him that everything would be alright. They had found each other and everything would be alright.

\- I'm sure you two have much to talk about, the Jarl finally broke the silence. - Go on, the upper porch is empty. There you can be in peace.


	28. A new beginning

**28\. A new beginning**

The porch was quiet. There was no one else up there. Only the wind whispered its secrets and chaced the clouds in the metal grey sky. They stood apart, silent. Watching over the plains. Neither of them knew what to say, how to start. Every word felt meager and meaningless. And they couldn't touch each other, they were family but in the current situation they were way too far apart.

They were strangers.

Sura finally turned to look at him. He didn't answer to her gaze. The look on his face was stern, serious and grave. I have never seen him smile, she thought. Would I regognize him if he smiled?

She looked at his armor, his weapons, his strong arms and muscular body. He had changed from the day when he first appeared in Whiterun. Back then he had worn a ragged leather armor, torn out shoes and a dull dagger. Now he wore a shiny steel armor that was partly covered in animal fur. She regognized wolf pelts and snow leopard skin. She didn't need to guess where he had got all of them. Her brother was a warrior. A hunter. A predator.

The armor had strange carvings that weren't familiar to her and his weapons - the two sharp and shiny axes and the curved bow - were made of the same material and had the same curios markings. She could have asked him about them but opening this conversation with such a meaningless topic seemed impossible. In fact, everything that she wanted to say seemed impossible.

So they stood there, silent but at the same time desperate to say something. Finally Sura understood what she could do. The Eye was still on her neck and now - she wasn't exactly sure how - she knew what to do with it. She closed the jewel in her fist, closed her eyes and like a whisper with wind, came the words of the spell that she needed to recite. It only took few moments and soon enough she felt how the jewel broke in two separate pieces. As she opened her hand, she saw the identical crescent moons. She reached around her neck, opened the lock and handed the other part to J'Ziir.

\- This is yours, she said.

He took it. Again, silence fell between them. He looked at the necklace, thinking how long he had carried it with him. He hadn't know its meaning, it had only been a memory to him. Something that only he could understand. A mark of the anger that only he had the right possess. But now here was his dead sister, who seemed to remember as much as he did, but in her face he saw nothing of the same anger, of the same passionate will to revenge.

\- You saved me, Sura continued. - Like you saved me back then.

\- I didn't save you, J'Ziir replied.

\- You did, Sura smiled. - Because without you the Eye wouldn't be here either. And if you hadn't told me to hide in the wagon, I would have died with...ma and pa...

\- I didn't die, J'Ziir replied. - I wish I had...

\- What happened to you? she finally asked and moved a little closer.

\- You don't want to know, he said grimly.

She giggled. - I remember you saying that to me. When we were little and I asked you something and you didn't know the answer. It was always "you dont' want to know!"

\- This time it's true, Raji, he didn't smile. - You don't want to know.

_"Raji". _How odd that sounded. How strange and at the same time so familiar, so dear. When he said the name, she could almost hear tenderness in his voice. Like a shadow of his old self, hiding somewhere beneath the hard and impenetrable surface.

\- Or is it Sura now? he mumbled.

\- Just call me Raji, Sura smiled. - It makes me happy. Happy to rememeber that name. To remember who I used to be. Who we used to be. You were there with me, weren't you?

\- I didn't want to be, he shook his head. - I remember everything I need to.

\- Where you a slave? she dared to ask. He didn't need to say anything, she saw the answer in his face. - For how long?

\- Long enough, he replied.

\- That doesn't really tell me much, Sura sighed.

\- Seventeen years, two months, three weeks and fice days, to be exact, he elaborated, looked at her with his piercing eyes and smiled sarcastically. - Happy now?

\- What did they do to you? she ignored his question and looked at him with sorrow in her eyes.

He hated to see it, the pity, the comfort, the understanding, as if she could really understand anything. For a short, fleeting moment, he hated her. For living. For ruining his plans. For coming back into his life now, as a ghost, as a memory, as a reminder that he wasn't the kind of man his parents had always wanted him to be. For having lived such a secured and safe life withing these sturdy walls. But as soon as the hate came, he also remembered what had happened to her. And the guilt quickly followed.

To control his feelings, to escape from them, he turned away from her.

\- You name it, he growled. - Poisoning, torture, fighting... whatever they wanted. We were their property, not living creatures. We weren't meant to feel pain, hunger, thirst. They saved the strongest of us, tested us, made us fight each other.

Yes indeed, he thought. He had surpressed these memories, hoping he would never have to dig through them again. He had only scratched the surface, because he didn't have to words to descripe the worst of it to her.

How they had kept them in chains for days under the hot and schorching sun, how the chains had gnawed his skin, his ankles, his wrists, his neck into a bloody, painfull and festering wounds filled with maggots and other parasites. How he had been only a shadow of himself, at times to weak to move or even to talk or to sleep. And after a horrific day in the sun, the night came and they were left to fend for themselves against hungry predators and the biting cold of the dark.

How their master wizards tested their spells and poisons on them. How they could do nothing but try to scream, try to fight the enemies that weren't really there, to die a thousand times but still be alive, how the pain was so immense that they couldn't get a single sound out of their tortured bodies. How they could only twist and turn and hope that the suffering would end, hope for death, anything to make it stop.

He learned not to make friends, not to trust anyone, because day after day he was forced to kill other just to survive to the next day when the same thing happened again. There were times when he had been so tired, so exhausted, that he had seen his opponent in two, when he had barely been able to stay on his feet let alone defend himself. But somehow he had always survived. He had suffered massive wounds and deep gashes and often he was more than ready to die. The dark spots of death had danced in his eyes as he fell forward, tasted the dusty earth and felt the dirt underneath him get soaked by his blood. Then he was ready, more than ready, to follow his parents. Hoping they would come to him. Hoping he would see them through the red haze that covered his eyes, when he could hear his heart beating, beating so slow, so tired, so ready to give it all up.

But death never came. It avoided him. And as he now looked at the other half of the Eye, he slowly began to understand why and how he had survived.

\- They? Sura's voice broke into his thoughts.

\- The elves, he mumbled.

\- Were you in Skyrim all this time? she wanted to know.

\- I was at first, he reached deeper into his own pit of hell. - Before...

\- You escapeded?

\- Yes, he replied. So many things consisted in that one, small word. He didn't know how to explain. - I met an Argonian woman. In the Black Marsh. She taught me things. How to be quiet, how to kill quietly. How to use the shadows to my advantage. I spent years with her, learning to live like a person. To see myself as a person. Then she died and I...returned.

Those few memories of her, brought her name to his lips. - Beelei, he whispered soflty. How much had she taught him? How patient had she been? When he couldn't even eat without looking at her with a silent guestion in his eyes, asking for a permission to touch to food. When he wanted to live as a person, but didn't know how.

And when she reached out for him in the middle of the night, when he felt his body answer to her soft touch but didn't know what to do. With her, he had learned to be kind. Gentle. Loving. He had learned where he needed to touch and how to touch. After she died, he had forgotten those things. He had realized that there was no room for kindness in his life.

She had seen it long before her untimely death. His hate. Repressed, but boiling beneath the surface. A great potential. With that in mind, she had trained him. To be more precise. More accurate. To never miss or to underestimate his enemies. To count their weaknesses. And to use them to his advantage. Alongside with her, he had turned into an assassin. Without him knowing, she had passed him her lifelong knowledge of poisons, archery, silent weapons and the art of stealth. And he had mastered them all.

Sura sensed that there was so much more hidden behind his simple words, behind that one name, so many things that he couldn't or didn't want to tell. In a way she could now understand him but she couldn't realize why hated the Nords so much. After all, it was the elves that had kept him as their slave.

\- Why hate the Nords? she finally asked.

\- Why? he turned to look at her. - Who killed our parents?

\- Because of him, you judge them all, she asked and stepped closer. - Are you are going after him? What would that accomplish?

\- Revenge, he replied. - You might have forgotten, but I haven't. And I never will.

\- I don't want to forget either, Sura touched his hand gently. - But let me help. We can do this together. The Dragons...

\- No! he refused. - I don't want you to get involved.

\- I'm already involved, whether you want it or not, she said sternly. - Skyrim needs you now, no one else can kill the World-Eater.

\- Are you really asking me to ignore what happened? he frowned. - Asking me to ignore that I lost everything, you, ma and pa...our home..!

\- But I'm here now! she was now standing right in front of him. - Here and alive. We haven't lost everything. We have each other! And I'm not asking you to ignore. But there are other ways...

\- As long as he is alive, I have nothing, J'Ziir said but didn't pull away. - You need to let me go.

\- I will, if you let me follow, Sura said. - I just found you again. You go after him, you take me with you.

\- Raji, he whispered, lifted his hand and caressed her cheeck. _Don't make this so hard on me._ \- Don't you realize that seeing you here now is like a dream. Something I never expected. You are the only good thing left of me. Left of our parents. It doesn't matter what happens to me now. You are here.

\- Don't talk like that, she shook her head and without a moments hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. His body stiffened and for a moment she was sure he would push her away. Couple minutes later she felt his arms, his strong, protective arms close around her.

\- He is already wanted by the Imperials, can't you let them handle him? Sura whispered.

Why couldn't he? Why couldn't he let them handle him? This addiction...he knew he couldn't be at peace before he would end the man himself. This path was his to walk, to its bitter end. He knew that there would a prize to pay for choosing this. For not letting it go.

"_So I will pay the prize, whatever it may be, when the time comes_."

For the moment though, he was happy to hold his sister in his arms.


	29. There is no turning back

**29\. There is no turning back**

As he left the Dragonsreach, his mind was filled with thoughts. He couldn't even grasp most of them so he allowed them to buzz inside his head like a swarm of angry bees.

His sister was back. And his parents...they still lived at some level of his consiousnes. His family wasn't as dead as he had led himself to believe. And he was falling way too deep, too deep into this madness that he called his life. And as if that wasn't enough, now his sister wanted...what exactly? For him to give up his quest for revenge? Or to join him, be by his hide till the end? He knew wouldn't allow neither of those things. He wouldn't allow her to endanger herself. Not would he allow her to persuade him to be the big hero of this land.

She wanted him to save Skyrim. From the dragons, from the World Eater. On the other hand he understood Raji's worries. The dragons were attacking all over the land, destroying cities and villages, burning down houses and slaughtering helpless people. But he had never been the kind of hero who would be moved by a couple of dead Nords. And calling the people of Skyrim "helpless" was a grave understatement. These people were capable of defending themselves. They didn't need him.

He walked on and as other thoughts came to him, thoughts that dared to threathen his line of reasoning, he frowned and pushed them aside. Locked them behind an unbreakable door and tossed the key away. He only needed to consentrate on one goal, everything else was meaningless. Since when had his clear and straight path turned so complicated? Why couldn't he just leave Whiterun, head to Windhelm, fulfill his quest and be done with it? Why are you delaying? What are you waiting for?

As he came to the Wind District and passed the giant tree in the middle of it, his father's voice whispered in his mind.

_"You know the reasons. Yet you refure to accept them. For more answers, talk to the Harbinger."_

He stopped on his tracks and shook his head. He wanted to be rid of that voice, he didn't want to hear anything it had to say. There had been a time when he had eagerly listened to it, when his young and trusting eyes had looked upon his father, with admiration and love. When he had yerned to hear his stories (_his lies!_). He closed his eyes and kept repeating his mission like a mantra - "_nothing but his death matters to me". _

Moments later, as he opened his eyes, the voice was gone but his eyes were turned towards Jorvaskarr. What could the old man know? Something about Raji? It was curious part of his brain again, the part which wasn't satisfied with the mantra he kept repeating to himself. Kodlak Whitemane had already invited him inside once. That time he had refused to follow him. This time he wasn't invited. But he preferred to do things in his own way.

He walked up the stone stairs and opened the doors. The giant fire burned and crackled but the long wooden table was empty. The smoke rose upwards and the floorboards creacked under his feet as he walked forward. No one asked him what he was doing here, no one tried to stop him. The wooden stairs led down and as he decended, he felt a strong grip around his heart. It was getting harder to breath. It was like every step brought him closer to something he had avoided most of his life. Getting involved. Getting attached. Why do I want to know more? he asked himself. The less you know, the easier it will be. To separate yourself, to not care. To be indifferent. But while his mind ordered him to turn back, demanded him to obey, his feet kept going forward and before he knew it, he was downstairs, at the other end of the long hallway.

The place felt abandoned. Quiet. Too quiet. He was naturally suspicious of places he had never been before. His survival had always demanded caution from him. And this time was no different. While he strongly believed that no one would attack him here, in the noble halls of the Companions, his careful nature was embedded into him like a second skin. So he acted accordingly. His steps became silent, his frame became a shadow, and his whole existence disappeared into the dark corners of the hallway.

The last door at the other end was ajar and a dim, flickering light invited him closer. As he peeked inside, he saw an old man sitting by the table. He seemed focused, deep in his thoughts, he was bending down and a feather pen in his hands moved quickly as he kept writing. J'Ziir scanned the rest of the room and saw no one else. He was about to turn back and leave, there was nothing he cared to hear, nothing he wanted to know. Instead of opening the door more, he quickly decided to close it permanently. This wanting would only lead to misery.

\- So you finally came, the old man suddenly looked up from his work and stared right at him. – I was expecting you.

J'Ziir stood up. This was the first time in ages since he had been caught. Usually it was him who saw others, not the other way around. Strange feelings of shame and doubt caught him of guard. He was not used to being exposed and it angered him.

\- Say what you want, old man, he opened the door and stepped inside. – You think you are hiding something from me? Something I want to know. So desperatly that I seeked you out.

\- Well, isn't that the case? Kodlak Whitemane asked calmly. He glanced briefly at his journal, the dream he had been memorizing. If it held any truth, this man in front of him would play a major part in the days to come. In all their lives. He also began to realize his own actions, what had happened all those years ago. What he had done still had consequences to this day. How important saving that child had been.

\- Don't speak in riddles, J'Ziir snarled. – Tell me what I want to know.

\- And what is that exactly? Kodlak inquired. – Why don't you sit down?

\- I didn't come here to bond with you, the Khajiit crossed his arms. – And like I've said many times before, I have no interest joining you or your Companions.

\- That remains to be seen, Kodlak smiled. His one good eye sparkled with contained laughter. – Present you guestions and I'll do my best to answer them.

\- You have knowledge, J'Ziir slowly moved around the room. – You say you know things. You know - and now you will share your knowledge with me.

He wondered would his threathing demeanor work. At the same time he was thinking how to squeeze the information from the old man without revealing too much. That he did in fact care. That he desperately wanted to know. That he wasn't the ice cold, man made of stone that he pretended to be.

\- This is hardly a place where you should be threating me, Kodlak said calmly, stood up and smiled. – But I understand. You have been put in a difficult position. In the other hand, you hold your mission. Loneliness. Solitude. Ignorance. Indefference. And in the other hand – you have something you long though you lost. A friend. A sister. A family. Those are things that you are not used to having.

J'Ziir stopped to his tracks. He watched the old man, trying to figure him out. He hadn't come here to hear a lecture about his morals and his current situation. He didn't need it. And all those people who ever tried to dive into his mind, read his thoughts, were long gone. Dead and buried. He had made sure of that. All he wanted to know was the past. How Raji and this old man were connected. But for some reason, his words struck somewhere deep inside him. Because what he said was in fact the truth. He thought he had already chosen, made his decision, which was set in stone, like it had been all his adult life. But in the past couple of months, his stone had slowly begun to crumble. The steady cliff of anger and hatred that he had been standing on, was falling apart.

\- You don't need to ask again, I will tell you, Kodlak said. – But it's a long story. Are you sure you have enough patience?

\- Try me, J'Ziir said.

Kodlak Whiteman nodded, walked to the door and closed it. Then he poured himself some wine, sat down and began to talk.

Hours later, when all the candles had burned up, when the wine bottle was empty, when the city of Whiterun had grown quiet, Kodlak Whitemane ended his story. The story that contained all the missing pieces, and more. While telling him how he found and rescued Raji, The Harbinger revealed much more, about himself and about the people that lived in Jorrvaskr. J'Ziir now understood why there seemed to be so much more in this man that could reach the eye. A massive lurking shadow behind him that you could almost see, almost hear and sense. Something that you were almost able to grab and not quite understand. Sometimes it nearly revealed itself in the flickering light of the candles, it showed itself in the corner of your eye, where you could barely see its figure but as soon as you turned your gaze to look for it, there was nothing.

Because the beast was hiding. In all of them. In the Harbinger. In the wolf brothers. In the huntress and in the bald, one-eyed hunter. They were the honorable Companions, but they were also cursed, wretched creatures that were doomed to lurk in the shadows and hunt in the darkness. Night was their kingdom, and the moons were their protective queens.

His sister was rescued by a werewolf. This old man saw her, little girl, lost and confused, and even though his first instict had been to attack, to mangle, to tear apart and to devour, some part of his human brain had stepped in stopped his actions. Instead, he had protected her, guided her, kept her safe in the neverending night and she had trusted him, followed him, and held him as the only clear light in her traumatized mind that was shattered to pieces.

And now his sister loved a werewolf. Not the old man, but one of the wolf brothers. And she would probably still love him him even if she found out the truth.

\- Yes, Kodlak nodded as if reading his thoughts. – She will keep loving him. And he will always love her. Even you can't change that. Because love isn't something you can reason with. It isn't logical. I'm afraid you will find that out very soon.

J'Ziir frowned. Love didn't belong in his life. And it was the last thing he wanted to hear about. Without answering, he stood up. He was sure the old man had nothing more to tell him. He didn't know anything else. But piece by piece he was able to gather the story, the unbelievable truth of his sister's survival.

\- You are free to go, Kodlak said behind him.

\- What? J'Ziir looked at him sarcastically. – Are you not going to ask me to pay you for this great favor? For rescuing her?

\- My dear boy, Kodlad looked at him and he almost saw pity in his eyes. – The prize you will have to pay for walking down your path will be hard enough for you. And your future actions are worth more than you know.

Suddenly the old man looked very tired. He stood up, opened his bedroom door, looked at him one more time and then, closed the doors behind him. J'Ziir wanted to say something, to contradict his words, to protest and claim that his future wasn't written yet. It wasn't something that the old man or anyone else could see. He alone would know what would happen, he alone would decide for his actions.

But as he left Jorrvaskr, he could feel the stone crumble a little more. Tiny pebbles were falling down. You have to stop this, he told himself. Stop digging the past. Stop making yourself so weak. Stop remembering what it means to be alive. What it means to care. You were dead before, you can be dead again.

With that in mind, he walked past the big tree. At this moment he felt like his rock was gathering itself; it was getting stronger and steadier. He glanced up at the evening sky, the stars were out, and the two moons were looking down on him. The city grew quiet, the night was coming. He understood that it was time to leave his shelter, to make a decision before it was too late. The past had interfered, tried to ruin his plans, tried to make him waver. No more, his mind was now made. He would leave Whiterun and head to Windhelm. He would do what must be done and then, if he was still alive, he would worry about the consequences. Maybe then he would be ready to face the past and look into the future. As he walked down the stairs beside the Drunken Huntsman, he was calm and cold and calculating. His mind was working, making preparations, thinking about the best and quickest way. No, I can't be quick, he decided. I want him to suffer. To hear who it was that ended his life.

The perfect plan was coming together, only few pieces were missing and his brain was working hard to find the answers.

And then, just as easily, even more so - everything fell apart.

His stone cliff (_you allowed her to crawl under your skin!_) suddenly shattered to pieces, it was like an earthquake inside his head. It shook him right down to his core. His feet refused to go on and he stopped like he had walked straight into an invisible wall. He was standing next to the Drunken Huntsman, opposite his own house and watched as Lydia, his housecarl (_housecarl! housecarl! Lydia...something else...you allowed her to crawl under your skin!_) was embracing another man. And not just any man. Her fiancé. The man she was supposed to marry. The man who would own her. Have her. Keep her. Kiss her and touch her. The man he had forgotten and brushed out his mind.

For the first time in years, he felt powerless, useless. Invisible. Worthless. He felt hatred, jealously. The pure, red, throbing need to kill surfaced. He wanted to walk up to them, pull them apart, swing out his axes and kill him. Cut his head off. See the look in his eyes. Let the other man know what it meant to touch something that belonged to him.

_"__Love isn't something you can reason with." _The old man's voice came to him but he refused to listen._" You allowed he to crawl under your skin!" _What does he know? Nothing. He closed his eyes and forced the feelings away. His body relaxed, the urge to rush forward disappeared. As he opened his eyes few minutes later, the embracing couple was gone. He didn't want to think where they were and what they were doing. He took a deep breath, turned towards the city gates and walked ahead.

You made your choise.

There is no turning back.


	30. Relieved of duty

**30\. Relieved of duty**

To Lydia, it was a confusing day.

She woke up alone, in the Jarl's bedroom. When she realized that there was no one else beside her, she momentarily believed that Sura had died. She jumped out of the bed, her hair was a mess and her clothes were wrinkled and dirty, but all she cared about was her friend. She burst through the doors like a hurricane. The guards, that were patrolling the hallways and standing on their posts near the doors, got their second scare of the day. Dragonsreach was longer a peaceful, calm, almost sleepy place to live. Not after the Dragonborn came.

She ran through the upstairs rooms and checked every bedroom. Maybe they moved her to some other room, she though in her frantic state. But after a fruitless search, she hurried down the wooden stairs and emerged to the longhouse. She was forced to stop in the upper floor however. There was a group of people standing in silence. All the guards from the porch, the steward, the body guard, her father and even the Jarl himself. Everyone was quiet. She didn't understand what was going on so she snuck up next to her father and whispered to him.

\- It's the Dragonborn, Hrongar whispered back, like that explained everything.

\- Where is he? Lydia asked.

\- At the porch, Hrongar nodded forward. – With his sister.

\- What? Lydia exlaimed. – With...who?

\- With Sura, the Jarl turned to her. – They have finally found each other. It's best if we let them talk.

\- She's alive? Lydia smiled. – Is that really true?

\- It was the Eye, Jarl Balgruuf explained. – The Arch-Mage was right. It did restore her will to live. And I believe it did more than that.

\- What do you mean? Lydia asked.

\- It changed her, Jarl Balgruuf looked into the distance. – She is now...more confident. Like she knows who she is and where she belongs. They are very much alike, I believe. Her and the Dragonborn.

\- Really? Lydia was astonished. She had hard time believing that her dear friend, the quiet and the gentle Khajiit girl, the same girl that she had known all her life, would suddenly change so drastically. And it would be even worse if she became like the Dragonborn. Filled with coldness, indefference and ignorance. No, that couldn't be true. She refused to believe it.

\- Both are strong, the Jarl continued. – But in different ways. And I have every reason to believe that after what she has gone through, she will be even stronger. Maybe more so than him.

Lydia thought about his words and realized that he might be right. Sura had always posessed something special, but it had remained just beneath the surface. And because she was so hard to read, it was even more difficult to try reach her inner thoughts. She also understood that maybe her worry and fear were not necessary anymore. But it was hard to leave them behind; after all, Sura had always been like her little sister. The one she cared for. The one she defended. The one she kept safe. But now...maybe she was strong enough to carry herself. And to carry others with her.

Hrongar looked at his daughter. He shook his head and made up his mind. This kind of life was not what his only child deserved. Like he had always looked after his own wife, loved and cared for her until her untimely death, he wanted someone to look after and care for his daughter too. Seeing Lydia like this, so wrapped up with the Dragonborn and his messy life, he didn't like what he saw. Lydia looked so tired. So exhausted. Her hair was oily and dirty and her clothes were old and wrinkly. She looked so much older, like a bag of discarded rags. Hrongar knew only too well that the Dragonborn didn't care for his daughter. It was time to put an end to this.

\- Go, child, he told his daughter. – Go and change your clothes. There is someone you need to meet.

\- What? Lydia glanced at his father. – Who?

\- Someone, Hrongar didn't speficy. – He'll be here soon, just...clean yourself up.

Lydia heard only few of his father's words, because her head was filled with thoughts and emotions. She wanted to talk to Sura, to see the changes that the Jarl had seen. To make sure that underneath all that was still her dear friend, her sister, the one she grew up with. But most of all, she wanted to know what happened between those two. Was J'Ziir able to accept his sister? And was she able to change him in any way?

Few hours later, after a bath, a meal and a change of clothes, she finally met her friend at the reach. And she was more than happy to notice that the old Sura was still there, but like the Jarl said, she was much tougher and more confident. It was like both her personalities - the timid, young girl without memories and the newly discovered Zahraji - were merged together, to form a stronger, more resiliant woman. And Lydia knew that their paths led to different directions. Because now Sura was searching for her past.

\- I remember everything, she told Lydia calmly. – But there are some things that I need to finish.

\- I know, Lydia nodded. – Just tell me if you want my help.

\- I do need your help, Sura said, grabbed her hand and the look on her face was serious. - Don't let him go alone. Stay by his side.

\- Are you talking about...the Dragonborn? Lydia raised her eyebrows.

\- Yes, my brother, Sura said and smiled. – My brother. Can you believe it?

\- Hardly, Lydia laughed. – You are nothing like him. How can you two be related?

\- We are, Sura said calmly. - Believe it or not. But I need you to be with him when...when I can't be.

\- I am his housecarl. It's my duty to stay by his side, no matter what.

\- If it wasn't your duty? Sura suddenly asked. – Would you still stay?

Silence fell between them. At first, Lydia didn't know what to say. For months she had stayed by his side, as a warrior, as a companion. And often she felt like she was a nuicance to him, a burden. Something he wanted get rid of. But...then there were times, when he was almost kind. Almost caring. The times when she realized he was staring at her, when he thought she didn't notice. When he gave her advice, how to be better with her bow, how to swing the sword so that it staggered her opponent giving her time to decide where her next hit, "the killing blow" as he called it, should be aimed. When he stood behind her, steady as a rock, correcting her aim, telling her to aim with her hands as well as with her eyes. When she felt his breathing, soft and warm, besides her cheek and almost wanted to lean backwards, to lean towards him and wished that his arms were around her. Sometimes when they were alone, camping, when she had almost fallen asleep to the sound of the crackling fire, she sensed his eyes upon her. Once she opened her eyes, just a little, to see was he really watching.

_He was._

And his eyes...always so indifferent, always so cold and emotionless, were at that moment filled with feelings, with guilt, lust, longing, feelings, that made her shiver, made her want to get up, walk up to him and embrace him. To tell him that it was okay, that she was there for him. And she would always be there.

\- I would, she heard herself saying. – I would stay by his side.

Sura watched her and smiled. – You know it, don't you?

\- What? Lydia swallowed.

\- You know it, Sura repeated. – Thank you. He really needs it. For someone to...

\- Hold on, Lydia interrupted her. – Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Sura nodded but said nothing. She seemed awfully content and Lydia wondered what she had accidentally revealed. eventually they changed the subject and went on talking for hours. Sura told her about her memories, her childhood, her parents and about her home. Through her, Lydia felt like she gained some new foothold with her capricious Thane. It was like piecing him together, little by little. There were still lots of pieces missing, but she was eager to see the whole image.

\- I am leaving Whiterun, Sura finally managed to murmur.

\- I know, Lydia said. – You don't have to explain.

\- But I will come back, Sura promised. – When I can.

\- And what about...? Lydia asked. – Vilkas? Will you tell him?

\- I don't know, Sura answered. – What would I say?

\- The truth, Lydia said. – I think you have been hiding long enough.

\- You think I should? Sura frowned. – Will he still want me? After everything that's happened.

\- He will, Lydia nodded. – Just don't leave him without a saying a word. You will regret it for the rest of your days.

\- I think you are right, Sura admitted. – I almost died. I shouldn't waste any more time. After all, you never know what might happen...

This was one the changes Lydia could see clearly. When they talked about Vilkas before, Sura had always been blushing, coy and shy. Almost intimidated by the idea that she might attract such a man, that she might deserve his love. She avoided speaking about him, and just mentioning his name made her squirm. But now she was willing to confess her feelings to him. Look him in the eyes and practically tell him that she loved him.

That was the kind of courage Lydia has never experienced. It was different to lay you life on the line in the heated battle, after all - bruises and scracthes and wounds healed fast with spells and potions. Unless you died, but even in that case, the pain was gone. But if you wounded your heart, there was no spell or potion to ease the agony.

It was late afternoon when they finally separated. Sura promised that they would surely meet again before she left. She had many things to prepare before she was able to go. Buried deep in her thoughts, Lydia walked through the Market and towards Breezehome. She hadn't met her Thane in hours and she wouldn't know what to say to him if she saw him now. But she assumed that he wanted to be alone. Sort out his feelings. Understand the situation. And be able to live with it. Somehow…

It was best not to look for him.

She was just about to enter Breezehome when she heard a familiar voice call her name. She turned and was shocked and surprised to see her father and Hadvar standing together, apparently waiting for her. Suddenly she remembered her father's words. Someone wanted to see her. Was it Hadvar that he had been talking about?

Clumsily they hugged each other and the smile of Hadvar's face was far from natural. He seemed akward and just being close to her made him shift his feet and clear his throat. Hrongar however looked more than pleased. He explained that Hadvar came from Solitude. Legate Rikke had personally requested him to lead a squad of soldiers towards the eastern borders of the land and to asses the situation. Lydia nodded and pretended like she cared. Honestly, she wasn't interested. Her pending marriage had always seemed too distant and it was such a long time since she had even thought about Hadvar. They were old childhood friends, but to her that was all they were. Now more than ever, the idea of having him as her husband felt absurd and strange. Like she was marrying her older brother. The idea of spending her nights next to him in the same bed, doing the things that were meant for lovers, made her feel akward. It didn't feel natural. It didn't feel possible.

\- We need to talk, Lydia finally said. Hrongar frowned but Hadvar nodded.

\- Yes, we do, he agreed.

\- Come inside, Lydia invited him in. – Father, would you mind..?

\- No, no, Hrongar shook his head. – You two talk. It's best that you finally settle things for good. Then you can stop this nonsence and get on with your life.

As she closed the door, an awkard silence fell between them. And she got the first taste of what it would be like to be his wife. He wasn't a bad man and she was sure that he would make a perfect husband...for someone else. Just not for her.

\- So, this is the Dragonborn's house, Hadvar finally said and looked around.

\- Yes, Lydia answered. – Sit down, please.

\- It's okay, he smiled. – I don't think I'll be staying that long. I have to head towards Solitude soon. Legate Rikke will want my raport in the first light of dawn. I only came since your father insisted...

\- Are they promoting you? Lydia asked. Suddenly she wasn't brave enough to say it to his face. That she wouldn't be marrying him. That there was _someone_ else...

\- I'm not sure, Hadvar said. – I think the Stormcloacks are finally making a move and they want to be prepared. Maybe they'll send me in the front lines.

\- Hadvar, Lydia began.

\- It's alright, Hadvar interrupted him. – I know what you want to say. I've known it myself for a long time. And I know that you have stayed with me only because you don't want to let your father down. We both know where we stand.

\- We do? Lydia blinked. This wasn't going like she assumed. She had been prepared to be headstrong and decisive but at the same time, to let him down gently. – I mean...of course we do...

\- You were always like a sister to me, Hadvar said. – I can't see you as my wife.

"_You stole my lines!_" Lydia thought but eventually she smiled. What a relief. For so long she had been afraid of this moment, to meet him and hear what he wanted to say. Maybe that he might want to marry her immeadiately. If he had demanded that, could she still have been able to refuse him? _Absolutely_, her heart whispered.

\- So, tell me, Hadvar relaxed and now his smile was much more natural. – What is he like? The only time I met him, he was quiet and...strange.

\- You two escaped Helgen together? Lydia inquired.

\- He saved my life, Hadvar admitted. – Without him, I wouldn't have gotten out alive. He was quite remarkable, you know. Didn't say a word, but he used his swords like he was born with them. Has he learned to talk?

\- Oh, he can talk, Lydia smiled and her eyes began to drift, somewhere in the distance. She remembered the day when he came to Whiterun. How he was back then and what he had become. She could hear his voice even when he didn't talk to her, and she could see his eyes even when he didn't look at her.

\- So, it's him then? Hadvar chuckled and Lydia frowned.

\- What? she punched him in the shoulder. – Don't assume anything. I'm only his housecarl.

\- Of course you are, he laughed. – And I wish you the best of luck in that position. It seems very difficult and hard.

Lydia sighed. What he said was true. Being the housecarl of the Dragonborn was no easy task, she was ready to admit that. But for some reason, she didn't want things to change. And she was grateful to Hadvar that he had set her free.

\- I really must be going now, Hadvar glanced outside. – It's getting rather late. And Legate Rikke isn't known for her patience. Like I said, I have to be there early tomorrow morning and that means I have to ride like a maniac throughout the night.

They stopped outside the door. Hadvar turned to her and smiled. It was the kind of smile that warmed her heart, especially now that she knew he wasn't trying to charm her. It was a friendly, comforting smile and it made her smile back and without remorse or regret, she hugged him and wished him all the best.

And as Hadvar walked out of the city gates, Lydia turned around, opened the door, stepped inside her home, and once again wondered where her Thane had gone.


	31. Where eagles fly

**31\. Where eagles fly**

He had made up his mind.

There was no turning back.

Except he was coming back. With a note instead of the Horn. His anger hadn't subsided and he still felt unsatisfied. The blood boiled in him and his rational mind knew it wasn't only the jealously that consumed him. It was the poison as well. He could cope with small amounts; he was used to small amounts. But a full dose of Frostbite, from an adult Queen spider and right between his shoulder blades wasn't exactly an ideal situation.

Even his armor hadn't been able to prevent that blow. Two massive holes in the steel, the blood and the sticky, slimy substance that burned his body engraved its memory into him with fiery letters. What the Queen had bestowed on him, he had payed back by killing its entire offspring, destroying its nest and cutting it to pieces. And all that before the poison took a hold of him.

Now its grip was hard and agonizing. He was barely able to stay on his horse. Barely able to see where he was going. It wasn't the first time he was grateful that his mare knew the way home. He felt his muscles tighten and starting to cramp and his vision was getting blurry. Far in the distance he thought he saw the Dragonsreach. The faint lines of the city.

Of home.

Momentarily he had considered staying the night in Riverwood, just to find out who the mystery person was. To find out who had enough guts to play games with him. But in the current situation, he wasn't at his best. In the current situation, it would be enough if he was able to get back home.

As the first severve cramp hit, all his mucles tightened up, his body became like a spring and he was only able to breath is short, small gasps. He knew Frostbite wasn't the strongest of poison, far from in, in fact. But the Queens possessed a combination of toxins that caused severe reactions if not treated properly. The poison of the Queen was almost leathal. To a child, it was. It would kill a child in few hours. A grown man, it would take days, if he didn't have any resistance. Him - it wouldn't kill him. Soon his body would start to work against it, soon his immunity would kick in. But it would take hours to recoverer fully. He knew this Frostbite wound would only take time. And patience. And sleep. Lots of it.

As the cramp slowly passed, as he was able to catch his breath, shake his head and clear his vision, he did in fact notice that Whiterun wasn't that far away. He had been gone for nearly five days, and during that time, he had allowed his brains to work. To understand. To accept and to process. In that first night, he rode all the way to Windhelm, watched the city from afar, saw its snow covered houses and the Palace of the Kings. Where his enemy was. Enemy that he should have finished off long time ago. He watched it and calculated. He calculated - and turned away.

Now he was heading back home. He knew what he now had to do.

He felt his hands tremble as he squeezed the bridles. Frostbite…frostbite…that reminded him of something. But how is that possible? he thought. He was never able to forget anything…what was this now?

(_Where the mountain meets the sky,_

_near the river's edge, where eagles fly._)

A strange voice cooed into his ear, the familiar rhymes of his mother's lullaby. But those rhymes belonged to someone else. The song was devided to three parts, one for Raji, one for him and..._what the hell?_ he angrily spat at himself. What are you doing? Trying to find more reasons to tie yourself harder into this world. Let go! Give up!

As his horse made its way towards the city gate and he merely slumbed on its back, he found himself standing in front of a locked door. This mystery door was somewhere in the back of his mind and this was the first time he found it. And he didn't have a clue how to open it. Or what was behind it. The only sound he heard were those last rhymes, repeating over and over again in his mind.

Frostbite…it had something to do with that (_where eagles fly_). And with Queens (w_here the mountain meets the sky)_. And their poison. Someone had told him about it, in his past life, before the slavery and torture and the captivity. Who? Not his parents, because they hadn't talked about these things. They hadn't talked about reality. In fact, hadn't he just discovered a whole new part about his father?

The gate guards ran up to him as he fell from the saddle. He layed on the ground, his whole body convulsing and he heard someone yell for a healer, a priestess. _No_, he thought. _I don't need a healer. I need to remember this. I need to open the door and see what my mind is trying to keep from me! (...eagles fly...)_

His mare nudged him gently with its chup. He felt its soft fur and with a great effort he grabbed its mane and pulled himself on his feet. In that moment, he saw everything in two, the world spinned and the sky was the earth and the earth became the sky. The guards backed away and as one of priestesses from the temple ran to him, he pushed her aside, ignored her words and staggered to the gate. Whiterun didn't matter now, Breezehome or his soft inviting bed didn't matter. His pain didn't matter, his foggy, hazy mind only wanted to open the door and see what was behind it. _How dare you?_ he shouted at you, he thought. For shutting me out. If it wasn't for the poison, he would be able to open the door without problems (_mountains...sky). _

Frostsbite…frostbite…something about that. He called the name to his lips and mumbled it as he slowly dragged himself to the door of his house. There were people following him, the priestess and some of guards, but he didn't notice them. As he grabbed the handle, voices started to whisper in his mind. He shook his head as to deny them and chace them away, but he still heard them…from behind that door, from underneath it.

_"__Do you….how dangerous…come here?"_

_"__I…to show…the nest…"_

_"__That's… - - - died…Queen….deadly!"_

It was his mother's voice, angry and worried at the same time. And not just because of me. There was another who she worried for. Not Raji. Raji was too small for this adventure. No…it had been someone else. _Someone else?_

A warm glow of the fire greeted him inside his house. He immediately felt like suffocating, the poison together with heat caused his hearbeat to rise and soon enough he was gasping for air. As quickly as he could he threw his axes away, they both buried themselves deep in to the wooden walls but he barely noticed. He removed his armor, and threw it to the floor. His boots, his cuirass and his underclothes, all fell of him as he swung the windows open and poured a cold barrel of water over his head.

It helped, but not much. Water was dripping from his fur, leaving puddles behind ss he staggered upstairs. The voices grew louder. He heard slight amusement in his mother's voice.

_"__This is the last - - - underst..?" _

_" __\- - - come one, lad.. - - ho-me!"_

_"__You better - - - -from you fa-, boys!"_

And there it was, his bed. He fell to it like a dead man. He could barely keep his eyes open and he knew that dreams - dead dreams - would soon take him, dreams filled with hallucinations caused by the poison. But before that he wanted to remember and understand how he could have forgotten. My brother…(_where the mountain meets the sky_) the one I always followed, like Raji followed me. There was someone who showed me the Frostbite nest. Someone who helped me, like I helped Raji. Pulled me up on the stone ledges, slapped me in the back of my head, if I did something stupid. Watched over me in the darkest of places. Does she remember him? Or was he buried so deep in our minds that we both forgot that ever existed?

What has happened to him? he tried to think. He wasn't there that day, mother told him to go back to Riften, to the orphanage, and wait for them there. Because that was meant to be the day when he could finally join their family. The little street rat, orphan, redheaded liar with his quick hands and quicker mind. What had happened to the little thief who had once showed him the Queens nest? And taught him the meaning of its bite.

What had happened to their human brother, who he had admired and followed to the day when everything in their lives had changed?


	32. Hide you in my heart

**32\. Hide you in my heart**

Lydia heard the rumors. Of course she did, she was not deaf. And she heard them everywhere. At first it was hard to believe, her mind - and especially her heart - didn't want to believe. But when Yosolda didn't deny the rumors, her stable mind wavered a little. The way Yosolda smiled whenever someone mentioned the Dragonborn made Lydia's blood boil. Everyone in the Bannered Mare downright assumed that Yosolda has conquered the heart of the illusive and angry Khajiit. After all, she was friendly to all the other Khajiits, why not offer a little more to the hero of Skyrim.

And then there was Carlotta. Not as obvious as Yosolda, but something she could not brush of easily either. Another rumor that ran from mouth to mouth told that J'Ziir had been seen leaving Carlotta's place late at night and the two of them had actually kissed passionately on her doorstep. Lydia clearly remembered Carlotta's words, she would have nothing against marrying the Dragonborn. "What's the downside?" she had brazenly asked. What made Carlotta a more believable choice was her daughter Mila. J'Ziir honestly seemed to care for the girl. And that made Lydia feel even more insecure.

She spent the whole evening in the Bannered Mare. Breezehome was empty and lonely and she hadn't seen her Thane ever since Hadvar visited. She didn't know what there was left to do. She had cleaned the house, made some food, sharpened and polished all the weapons that J'Ziir had managed to collect and after all that she felt herself useless.

And it was at the Bannered Mare that she heard the rumors. Hulda was the first who mentioned it, and as Yosolda came in, she just smiled and waved her head like it was nothing. Lydia frowned, drank down her mead and tried not to get worked up. She didn't believe the rumors, she believed she knew her Thane better than anyone. And if he snuck out in the middle of the night, she would notice. At least she liked to believe so but she had to admit that J'Ziir was incredibly quiet and mysterious when he wanted to be. If there was something he didn't want her to know, she didn't know. But he wasn't careless either. No one would caught him kissing Carlotta if he didn't want to be seen.

There was another thing that bothered her. She knew only as much as he allowed her to know. He knew almost everything about her and saw things that she tried her best to hide. _Well_, she comforted herself. _At least he doesn't know what my heart wants. That's one thing he hasn't seen._

_Maybe he has_, a small voice in head whispered. But he doesn't care about love, she concluded. _Just because he doesn't care about love doesn't mean he doesn't care about...copulation. Or that he doesn't need it or seek it._

_Copulation_? Lydia huffed. Was that really the word for it? It sounded so...animalistic. And if "_copulation_" was what her Thane searched from Yosolda and from Carlotta, then there were no feelings involved. And for him, spending the night with either of the two women, didn't mean more than just satisfying his basic needs.

Lydia stood up, payed Hulda what she owed and walked out of the Bannered Mare. She wasn't drunk but the cool night breeze felt wonderful on her blushed cheeks. The sky above the city was filled with stars and Lydia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. For once she wasn't wearing her armor. She felt free and light. She wore one of her few dresses, a moss green linen garb with a low cleavage and a long hem. Hulda had asked her what was the occassion. She replied that it was her free night in ages. She didn't remember the last time she wore this dress, she had spent the last weeks just running after her Thane and taking care of his needs.

Well, taking his insults, was more like it. But she had to admit that he had cut back on those too. It was rather rare to hear him call her a moron or a slave, his two favorites words from the past. No, he sometimes even called her by her name. Rarely, but it was progress.

Lydia sighed and headed towards Breezehome. When she approached the house one of guards stopped her and asked what they should do with the horse. Lydia looked at him puzzled. What horse? With few hasty words the guard explained how the Dragonborn had arrived in the city and his loyal mare was still standing in front of the gate and refused to move. Someone had tried to take it to the stables but the mare was stubborn, strong and clearly waiting for its owner to come back.

Lydia suddenly felt more worried than she wanted to. A heavy weight settled down on her chest and if it wasn't for the anxious guard, she might have turned around and ran straight back home. But for now she agreed to follow him and like he said, the sturdy, resilient brown mare still stood where its owner had left it. Lydia carefully approached it and at the same time she talked to the animal in a low, calming voice. She saw its ears twitch, like it listened and understood who she was. It stepped forward and allowed her to take its bridle. She gave it a pat, smiled and caressed it and as she began to walk towards the stables, it agreed to follow her.

Twenty minutes later she opened the doors to Breezehome. The cold wind had blown the fire out and the draft immeadiately put out all the candles. In the dark she banged her head straight on J'Ziir's axes that were potruding out of the wall like two bloodripping ornaments. Lydia cursed, searched for a tinderbox and finally managed to lit two candles. As one of the were blown out, she hurriedly closed all the windows.

As the place was getting brighter, she noticed the mess, the water, the wooden pucket laying on the kitchen floor, the pieces of J'Ziir's armor. The blood and some strange, slimy substance that smelled putrid and bitter. She picked up his breastplate and saw two massive holes in the backside. She glanced upstairs, tossed the armor away and hurried up. Her heart was raising as she imagined all the horrible things that might have happened to him.

_Oh Divines, please_, she prayed. _Let him be alive!_

The door to his bedroom was ajar but his room was enveloped in complete darkness and she heard nothing from within. She only heard her own blood pumping in her ears as she pushed the door open. He was dead. For a fleeting moment, that's what she honestly believed. In the pale light that was coming from the hallway, all she could see was his motionless body. She rushed forward, lit the all the candles she could find and then she ran up to him. As soon as her hands touched his body, a huge wave of relief rushed over her. He is alive, she sighed as she felt the warm flesh underneath her fingers. And then her fingers founds something else. His fur was matted with blood. There were two gabing holes in his back and that same sour smell floated in the room.

Lydia ran back down and straight into the storage room. She combed through the shelfes and found two small vials of health potions but she believed – wanted to believe – that they would last till the morning. In the first light of dawn, she would have to fetch a priestess if these small, tiny bottles weren't enough.

In the bedroom, she opened the vials and noticed he was laying on his stomach. She crawled to the other side of the bed, carefully lifted his head and tried to pour down and much of the liquid and she could. She was relieved to notice that he swallowed most of it and as the two monstrous wounds slowly began to heal, his breathing became more regular and stable. For a moment she just layed there by his side. A strange tenderness took hold of her and crept into her heart. This was the first time she had seen him so vulnerable and so weak. Usually he was the epitome of strenght and power. Everyone listened to him, everyone respected him and looked up to him.

She reached out her hand and slowly touched his face. The fur on his eyebrows was soft, the fur on his cheeks was slightly rougher. His whiskers were long and silky, and the dark hair that covered his whole body began from his neck where she once again noticed the sparse area of greyish hair. She allowed her hand slide to his neck and gently caressed the old scar. She was almost smiling to herself but then suddenly Yosolda's smug face popped into her head. That woman had managed to touch so much more, to explore and search and find, to feel and breath and taste. Lydia frowned and pulled her hand away. She was annoyed by this reaction, by this jealousy that had suddenly lifted its head inside of her. She didn't notice his silky tail, as it moved like it had the mind of its own and slowly brushed her bare leg. She also failed to notice his gaze, as he slowly lifted his eyelids and his narrow pupils searched her face.

The room was quite dark despite all the candles but his vision was much brighter than hers ever could be. Laying there motionless, still feelings the after effects of the poison, he looked at her. Waking up from dead dreams. Was the better sight in this whole world? Her face, her eyebrows that were drawn together _(what is she thinking?)_, her full lips, her green eyes. The dark hair that usually was tied behind her back and the pale, silky skin that now was revealed by her unsually exposing dress. With one clean swipe he could have ripped her dress off and seen more. And he wanted to, how he wanted to. In his weak state of mind he was willing to confess to himself that he wanted this woman. Wanted her to be his. Later he would plame the poison of what happened next, but for now he was tired of denying it. Tired of fighting back.

Lydia shook her head but Yosolda smiled wider. Like she wanted to confirm everything, to make the rumors true, to rub some salt in the wounds. She bit her lower lip, glanced the man laying by her side and decided that enough was enough. If he wanted to satisfy his needs with every woman in Whiterun, how was that any of her business. She was about to sit up and get off the bed when a strong, muscular arm grabbed her hand and pulled her back with such strenght that her head hit the pillow, her hem flew up and the air pushed out of her lungs with a swoosh.

\- Where do you think you are going? a soft, velvety voice whispered in her ear.

* * *

_A/N: _

_I think we all know what's going to happen in the next chapter. Adult content warning! Next chapter is not appropriate for people under 18 years of age. I know these latest chapters have been about J'Ziir and Lydia, but soon enough I will get back to our other couple and the story once again begins to move forward. Worry not, my dear readers. :) I have not forgotten this even though it might take a long time for me to upload it. _


	33. (Don't!) Give up on me

_Warning! This chapter contains adult content. Not suitable for people under 18!  
_

* * *

**33\. (Don't!) Give up on me**

J'Ziir knew he was crazy. Hallucinating. The poison still running high in his veins, causing him to act like this. His hands were trembling but his fist on Lydia's wrist was hard and unyilding. Her eyes widened, her hair covered her face and the veins in her neck were clearly visible to him.

He shifted his weight so that he was laying on top of her, his muscular body covering hers and preventing her from leaving. But she didn't stuggle or tried to push him away, there was a peculiar look in her eyes. His breathing was irregular, he knew he wasn't alright. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but the poison had another unexpected effect on his body.

Lydia felt it clearly. His erection against her inner thigh. And unlike the rest of his body which was covered in fur, that particular part felt hairless, soft, hot and smooth.

A warm sharp wave shoot up of her body as soon as she regognized it. His hands were on both sides of her head and her own hands were crushed up against her chest. She swallowed, blinked her eyes and looked up at him.

\- He can have you for the rest of his life, J'Ziir muttered. – Every night you'll be his. Just for this one night...just once...

His claws, sharp and curvy slid down her throat and to the cleavage of her dress. Her hands were on the way but he forced them up and pressed them hard against the mattress. He looked at her heaving chest and the clawmarks he had left on her pale skin. He didn't want to hurt her, but humans were so fragile. He pushed her claws underneath the cloth and started to rip it apart. And then – Lydia whimpered.

It was a sound of fear. He could clearly smell it. He knew its scent and he usually enjoyed it. To feel it, to see it in the eyes of his enemies. But to see it now, to recognize it now...

All the strenght drained out of him. He removed his hands from her and realized his mistake. This woman who he had learned to like, to care – as much as he could ever care for anyone – was the last person he wanted to hurt. He had tried to to be nicer, tried to mend his ways, even tried to change a little. For her. And this was all it led to. This violation that he was about to commit. Just to use her like the bandits that had kidnapped and tortured Raji. "_You are no different from them."_

Lydia wasn't sure what was happening. She was embarrassed to admit her own arousal and as she felt his hands, his claws down her neck and in between her breasts, a sharp, joyous breath escaped her. And that sound stopped him. He was still laying on top of her, but he saw regret in his eyes, even saddness. Like there was something he suddenly remembered, something that made him draw back.

_By the Divines,_ Lydia frowned. _Don't let it be Yosolda! Or Carlotta..._

Then she felt his weight move away. And with sudden desperation she grabbed him, wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer. "_If I let him go now, he will never come back!_" Of that she was sure. She knew her dress pulled back and revealed her thigs and he could definitely feel her naked skin against his own. Almost innocently – but knowing exactly what she was doing – she lifted her hips and grinded them against his crotch. It was an invitation no one would misundestand. Her hands clutched his shoulders and as she looked straight into his eyes, she saw confusement and embarrasment. He was clearly aroused, but it was like he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

And she was right. He had no idea. It was like some strange door had been swung open, someone shoved him inside and he was naked and defensless. Some distant part of his mind almost remembered what Beelei had taught him. How she – like Lydia now – made the first move and back then – like now – he had been helpless, useless and completely lost.

And like always when he felt powerless, his anger began to build.

But this time Lydia was one step ahead of him. She sensed it, saw it in his eyes and realized that there was only two ways this could go. Either she would take this to the end or she would let him go. She didn't even have to think about it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, tried to pull him closer and when he didn't budge, she lifted her own head and kissed him. She felt him jerk back, but her hold on him was tigh and solid. His lips were strange, thin and alien under her own human mouth and as she slipped her warm tongue inside his mouth, she scraped her flesh on his sharp fangs and for a short moment she was sure they could both taste blood in their kiss.

\- I'm yours, Lydia whispered against his mouth. – As long as you want me to be.

Along with those words, all the old lessons came back to him. What Beelei said with her eyes and with her moans. Where his fingers burned like a tender fire and where his tongue and lips lured out soft, helpless whimpers and delicate little cries. He remembered how he liked those sounds and the need to hear them now grew with every passing moment.

His vision was still foggy and the blood was pumping in his ears. The rational part of his mind – the part that was always awake, always watching, always observing and listening - was calculating the risks, the physical effort that his body would need for mating. It warned him that there was a possibility of poisoning her if he came inside of her. The risk was small but it was there. He couldn't stop that part of his mind informing him any more than he could stop his hard on from growing bigger.

The first time Lydia moaned was when he dragged his teeth gently down her neck. His raspy tongue tasted her skin and he drew her scent deep inside. The soft smell of soap and leather and flowers. He felt the sudden need to mark her, bite down on her neck and make sure she would never again mate with another man. But even in his poison filled mind he knew it wasn't some happy ending that would follow this act. He would have to return her to the Nord. But she wouldn't be unspoiled. He would leave things behind. She would bare his clawmarks. His scent. His memory.

With steady hands and looking straight into her eyes, he tore the dress of her. She jumped, but not out of fear. The sound of ripping fabric exited her, told her that this was a grown man she was going to sleep with. Not one of the shy, unsecure guard boys she had experienced earlier. Her heart jumped. This was the Dragonborn, her Thane. He had once asked her if this was part of her duties. To "_satisfy his every need_", like he had mockingly said. This wasn't a duty or a part of her job. She did this, gave herself to him voluntarily, because she wanted to. Had wanted for a long time now.

His hands slid down, lower and lower, until he brushed – very slowly and carefully – her exposed breasts. His eyes didn't leave hers, he wanted to see what his fingers, his claws were doing to her. He was teasing her, not really touching where she wanted him to touch. Finally she grabbed his hand and guided his fingers, first in the deep valley of her breasts and then to her hardened nipples that ached for his caresses.

She whimpered and arched her back. To be closer, to feel even more, to give him more of her. His wet, hot mouth followed the route of his fingers and she gasped for air when his raspy, rough tongue licked the hard nub. As his mouth closed around it, teased it and nibbled it, her stomach convulsed, she buried her hands into his fur and pressed his head onto her chest. She was blinded by pleasure, his wet mouth made her tingle and shiver, she couldn't help the wild sounds escaping her lips that echoed in the room. She lifted her hips, wanted, wanted him to touch her down there, between her legs, where she was getting wet and warm and throbbing.

He heard the sounds. The sounds of pleasure. He felt her hands. Pulling. They were on his fur, tried to grab and hold and guide him. But he was in no hurry. He constantly found new places to touch and wherever he lingered, a new sound followed. He spent a long time savouring her breasts and her stiff nipples, sucked them, licked them, knead them. To him, her body was like a new continent that he had just discovered.

As his curious fingers found the soft skin on her inner thigs, she grabbed his wrist. He looked up at her, her blushed cheeks, her tangled hair, and her glowing green eyes. He saw lust and crawing in them and he didn't understand why she had stopped him. Few drops of sweat gleamed on her forehead and he saw one the drops run down her neck.

\- It's not…Lydia stuttered. – I don't…want to be one of them…one of your other women…

He didn't know what she was talking about. There were no women in his life. But he heard the rumors like everyone else. Yosolda. Carlotta. And others. Now he realized she wanted some kind of reassurance. Something he could not give. He could not tell her that he loved her, because he didn't. He could not tell her that he would always make her happy, because he couldn't. He could only tell her the truth. That had to be enough.

\- There is no one else, he finally said with a low voice. – Just you.

Something in her changed. Opened. Welcomed this feeling. Her denial was like an old, fragile pot that fell to the floor and shattered to pieces. There was no going back now. She would stay by his side, no matter what happened.

She released his hand. He hesitated for a moment, searching for an answer, an invitation to invade further. And as such a gesture came, he caressed her higher until his warm hand found what it was looking for. He pushed her small clothes aside and touched her hot core, found her already wet and aroused. He didn't know much about human anatomy, but her heavy breathing, the look on her face and sounds she was making made it easy for him to find the most sensitive spots. He slipped his fingers inside, he was wary with his claws because that part of her was evidently very soft and sensitive. He probed her first with just one finger and after he felt her body relax, he added another. She was tight, warm and wet and her muscles flexed to accommodate his exploring hand. His thumb found the hard little nub in the apex of her opening and began to circle it, slowly, tenderly, deliperately and she lifted her hips towards his hand, swayed and danced to the rhythm of his movements.

Lydia's hands opened and closed, opened and closed, she searched, fondled, explored his body. The thick, black fur that covered him from head to toe. His warm, hard muscles underneath it. His ribs that she could feel, the hard nubs of his backbone. His numerous scars, the greyish circle on his neck. And finally his silky, smooth manhood. Like a blind person who could see for the first time, she was enchanted and euphoric. She could not take her hands away from him, she squeezed him, rubbed him and marveled as the organ moved and twitched under her exploring fingers. He was at least as thick as her wrist and for a moment she was worried would she ever be able to take him inside of her.

Her hands of his erection caused him to groan. Instead of constant pain and anguish, feeling such pleasure was foreign and scary to him. But he didn't pull away from her, he felt his arousal growing as her hand moved up and down, first slowly and then faster, much faster. He knew he wouldn't last long. The poison was still affecting his stamina and the years of loneliness…he hadn't even thought about this before Lydia was pushed into his life.

She was so close, his fingers drove her crazy. She felt him pull away and she begged him not to stop, begged him to continue. She was a little surprised at herself, of hearing such needy voices coming out of her own mouth. She reached out her hands and tried to pull him back to her. Instead he ripped off her underwear, spread her legs, pushed her torn dress aside and guided himself to her opening. Lydia only managed to take a deep breath and then he penetrated her. Fast, hot, hard and merciless.

At that point he didn't care about her pleasure anymore. As he felt her muscles clench around him, squeeze him and embrace him, he couldn't have cared less even if a dragon had landed on his rooftop and tore his house to pieces. His claws dug on to the headboard of the bed and they left deep scratchmarks on the wood. The woman underneath him grabbed his head in her hands, stared into his eyes. In them he saw wild abandonement and a silent request. _Continue...continue..._

Like his wild, savage partner, Lydia only knew pleasure. All her feelings, all her thoughs were now concentrated on her lower body, the steady movements of his shaft, in and out, connected to her, like it was always meant to be. He fitted her so perfectly, filled her up so completely. At that moment she truly believed that there was another reason why this man was sent to this land. He was sent to her. She looked down to where they were joined. Again and again she saw him disappear inside her, he took her and made her his, without guestioning his rights. She flung her head back as he nibbled her neck. Sweat gleamed on her skin as she clung on to him, wrapped her legs around him and held on to him for dear life.

As she exploded, she saw stars, bright colours and her high pitched scream filled the room. She came only moments before he did. She clawed his back, forgot the deep wounds in his flesh, drew blood with her fingers and caused him curse and cry in pain. Her mucles tightened, she was gasping for air and over and over again she welcomed him inside her. His body reacted very quickly and while she was still convulsing, he pushed as deep as he could and finally shot his seed inside of her. They were both moaning, Lydia kept repeating his name, and her soft, husky voice calling him was something he would remember for the rest of his life. This woman had once wanted him, genuinely and honestly wanted him. A warm, strange liquid filled her body but she wasn't scared or worried. It felt natural, to have something of his. Something that no other woman had received.

Moments later J'Ziir slumped on top of her. Spent and tired. Exhausted. Lydia welcomed his weight and tenderely wrapped her arms around him. Only now she noticed the blood on his back and remorsefully she caressed his wounds. As he fell asleep on top of her, still inside her, she only smiled and felt like she had now finally found her reasons for existing, her reason for being in this world. To be here by his side. To guard him, to help him, to be his safe place where he could always stop to catch his breath. From now on that was her duty, one that she would not forsake.


	34. True companions

**34\. True companions**

On the early morning as Sura as leaving Whiterun it was raining. Like a silent ghost she slipped out of the Dragonsreach, squeezed her small knapsack in her hands and looked straight ahead. Fear was trying to grab its hold on her, but she refused to give it any power. She had lived under its shadow long enough. She knew she had to do this, had to leave. For her own sake, to find where she came from and where she belonged. After that she might be able to return. Return to this home that she cherised so much. As she walked ahead,she looked back just once, briefly. She hadn't said goodbyes to anyone, it would only make things harder. Knowing Jarl Balgruuf, he probably wouldn't let her go by herself, not after everything what had happened. She turned to look ahead and quickened her pace. If she hesitated now, she wouldn't be able to take the first step.

The city was still sleeping. It was quite early but she wasn't surprised to hear the pounding of a steady hammer from Skyforge. Eorlund was always early. No matter the weather, the cold, or the heat, he was always at his forge, doing what he did best. She felt sorry that she hadn't been able to join him in such a long time. Given the situation she felt that she at least had to say goodbye to him. As she walked past Jorrvaskar, for the first time in ages she wondered was Vilkas around. And as his familiar face emerged, her heart jumped and she remembered all her feelings for him as well. She was glad to notice that those feelings hadn't died. She still loved him but with sad certainty she knew that Vilkas had propably moved on. After all he was not a man who lacked female company. There was someone better for him, someone who was (_you are just damaged goods!_) kind and virtuous and pure. A warrior like him, who fought with metal and might, not with arcane arts, fire and lighting.

His image followed her like a mournful shadow as she walked up the stone stairs. Eorlund heard her coming but didn't cease his work. He hadn't seen the Khajiit girl for a long, long time. And now that she appearead at the top of the stairs he regognized the changes in her. She seemed free. Calm, confident, sure of what she was doing. And still - nervous. Sad. Sorrowful. But determinted to go on. To survive and to grow stronger. These were all good sings. This cold, hard land gave cruel and hars lessons. Without them one wouldn't be able to survive. Many didn't but this tough, little creature seemed to have found her strenght.

\- Eorlund, she greeted him with a smile. - How are you doing?

\- Going somewhere? he pointed at her knapsack.

\- I'm leaving Whiterun, Sura said.

\- Without an armor? Eorlund glanced at her clothes. The thin steelblue tunic that she wore wasn't going to protect her out there in the wild. She had a simple leather belt on her waist, long trousers and sterdy boots. He was mildly amused but mostly worried when he noticed that she didn't have any weapons or shields.

\- I'm not going by foot, Sura assured. - There's a carriage leaving from the stables every day...

\- And you think those carriages are safe from bandits and thieves? he asked. - When you are not withing the city walls you are not safe. You of all people should know.

\- I came to say goodbye, Sura ignored his comment. - I don't know when I'll return. I just wanted to thank you for everything...

\- No need to thank me, the old man scoffed. - And I'm not the one you should be saying goodbye to.

\- What do you mean? Sura asked and her eyes began to wander around.

\- He is not around, Eorlund said. - He has been coming and going like a madman. Never staying for more than few hours. Such an obidient man as he, going against Kodlak's wishes. Even his brother doesn't seem to know what to do. Seems to me that he is trying his best to forget something. Or someone.

\- Is he coming back? Sura grabbed his arm. It had been such a long time since she and Vilkas talked. Since she even saw him. And now - now that she was leaving she realized that she couldn't just go without telling him.

\- I don't know, Eorlund shrugged.

\- I can't wait for him, Sura shook her head and didn't know what to do. - Will you tell him that I came by? And that I was heading to Riften...in case he wants to know...

\- What am I? A courier for Mara herself? Eorlund grunted.

She released his hand and took a step back. At that moment she seemed so lost, so confused that Eorlund's heart gave up a litte and he nodded. Then he sighed turned back and pulled out the package he had been holding ever since Sura was taken. He cared for the girl, had always liked her. His will to protect her made him take out the most valuable materials he had - the piece of stalhrim he had once aquaired from Solstheim. From that he made a protective armored vest and bracers for the wrists and for the top the of backage was a small leather pouch and he hesitated for a moment. Vilkas had asked him to make the two rings long ago. But he had never returned to collect them. He didn't know what would happen but the fate of these two people was in the hands of the Divines now. He liked Sura and he liked Vilkas. And the thought of them together, happy and smiling, almost made him smile and remember the days when he and his Fralia were young and in love. It was long overdue, and love in Skyrim was valuable and rare. He didn't say a word as he handed the leather package to her.

\- Take care of yourself out there, were his goodbyes. - This one is for you as well, he pointed at the small leather purse. - There's something you will probably need. You'll know when the time comes.

He patted her on the back, sighed again, walked down the stairs and left her alone in the Skyforge. For the longest time she stood there holding those small packages. She never expected gifts or anything like this from him. To her he was always a valued teacher, someone she held in high regard. And he always treated her like his apprentice, never giving praise but always driving her to do better. Eventually she opened the larger package. When she saw what was inside she turned around and looked for him. Such valueable gifts, given to her, to her! Why would he? When she was just _(damaged goods!)_ a cat, not even a Nord. But he was nowhere to be seen anymore. Of course he wouldn't risk seeing her tears and making it all awkard and uncomfortable for both of them. She knew the best way to thank him was to put his gifts to good use. And so while still standing at the shadows of the Skyforge, she slipped the armored vest on and was amazed how stern and secure it felt. At the same time it was incedibly light to wear. It didn't impede her movements at all. She wore the brazers and when the whole armor was on her, she took a few steps and noticed that it was very easy to move it. Light and durable, invisible but necessary. That's what most of his armors were like. You didn't notice it until you needed it, until it saved your life.

She folded the deer pelt and left it on his anvil. At least this way he knew that she apperciated and used his gifts. The smaller pouch was still in her hand and she wondered what was in it. His words echoed in her mind. _"Something you will probably need. You'll know when the time comes." _There was no reason to open it now and she had dawled long enough. She stuffed it inside her knapsack. Now she needed to leave before someone at the Reach would notice her absence.

She hurried through the Market and stopped for a moment in front of the Breezehome. J'Ziir and Lydia had left the city couple of days ago. And like always, neither of them said anything before they were gone. Just the empty house and some rumours told her that once again her famous brother had gone of to some wild adventure and like a small, determinded shadow, his housecarl had accompanied him.

Sura would have liked to speak with her brother some more, there were some memories she couldn't place. People she wasn't sure existed at all. A few nights ago a strange man had entered her dreams and into her childhood. Well, he was not exactly a man, he was more like a readheaded, wild, young beast, laughing like a maniac and always getting into trouble. His hands were magical, he could pick any lock in his way, pickpocket even the best guards and noblemen, almost steal someone's clothes of their backs. He was older than J'Ziir, not much, only by a few years. And in her dreams she called him "elder brother". He laughed at her and said his real name which she couldn't hear. Then he pinched her cheek and said that she was too cute to be his sister. In fact, he intented to marry her when she grew older. She would have liked to ask J'Ziir did he remember that boy or was he only a figment of her imagination. She didn't know where Lydia and J'Ziir had gone and she didn't have any idea how to relay a message to him, to let him know that she was no longer in Whiterun. But she believed that once he came back people of the city would tell him where she went. If he was interested to follow her, he would eventually find her.

Without looking back she walked out of the city gate, took out her small coin purse and counted her gold. It would be enough to get her to Riften and while she was there, it would probably last for a few days. Long enough for her to locate her family's old home and find out what had happened. Determined and feeling surprisingly calm she walked towards the stables. The carriage was there but the driver was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was too early after all. The rain had nearly stopped, its grey vail was heading towards the North and the morning sun peeked through the clouds. She sat down to the grass near the stables and watched the horses. Most of them were still sleeping, hanging their heads or munching some hay. Only one of them seemed very bright and active. It was a black stallion with white socks. She had never seen it before and curiosity got the better of her. She stood up and walked to it. She didn't notice the stallion's owner but he surely noticed her.

Vilkas recognized her immediately when she walked towards the stables. The morning was very quiet and a lone woman out and about was not that hard to spot. He was determined to concentrate on his horse but her extraordinary armor caught his attention. He had never seen it before, but he regognized Eorlund's work. What surprised him that Eorlund had actually made an armor out of something else than steel. And for someone else other than a Companion. He knew that Eorlund cared for the girl and he did have extensive knowledge of smithing, steel wasn't his only material, but it was something he preferred to work with.

Vilkas had been out for most of the night, slaying beasts with Farkas and Aela. For the most part he got his beast under control, a long talk with Kodlak had helped. When they returned on the early hours of the morning, his brother and his Shield-Sister were probably already asleep. Well, he chuckled to himself, knowing Farkas, he went straight to the Bannered Mare and now he is getting hammered. Or bedding three different women at the same time. Vilkas' eyes followed Sura as she walked to the carriage. He wondered where she was going. Was she leaving? By herself? The idea that she would wander of alone made him worry and he frowned. If she was heading somewhere, it would be better if someone accompanied her. Like her newly found Dragonborn brother. But like everyone else in Whiterun he also knew that once again J'Ziir was out the of city. So much for that idea, Vilkas sighed.

Sura stopped in front of the stall, smiled to the stallion and talked to it with a calm and steady voice. It stopped its restless prancing, its ears twitched and it listened to her. She caressed its silky mane and Vilkas was amused and intrigued to notice that his sturdy, stubborn stallion did not shy away from her. Usually it was very selective when it came to people it allowed to touch it.

\- Where's your owner? Sura asked from the horse. - Maybe he should take you out for a ride since you are so impatient.

\- He has just arrived from a ride, Vilkas couldn't stay silent any longer and he stepped out from the shadows.

Sura raised her eyes. It was him, the one person she wanted to see. The one person she was afraid she wouldn't be able to see. The one person she was afraid to see. All these mixed emotions and beneath all of it, a certain feeling of security and serenity. She wasn't really afraid or startled. She wasn't angry because he hadn't made his presence known earlier. She was absorbing him, his face, his eyes, his whole being. His grey eyes, his dark hair that had grown, and the overnigth stubble on his chin. His silent, stong frame that was covered by the steel armor. Security and tranquility. Tight control of his darker side. That's what she sensed just by looking at him. She stared at him and her eyes were like deep mountain ponds, too blue and too bright so see the bottom. Her white hair had grown, it cirled her small face now like a cute soft mane but he could still make out the dark circle that began from the top of her other ear. The line he had once wanted to follow. To know where it ended.

\- Is he yours? Sura smiled. - What a beauty.

\- Beauty filled with trouble, Vilkas said when his stallion nudged his shoulder. - C'mon, boy. Calm down.

\- What's his name? Sura asked.

\- Abaccus, Vilkas said. The stallion turned his head and nudged him again. - Yes, that's you. Too smart to be an animal. Too stupid to be a human.

\- I guess his not used to staying in one place for too long, Sura moved her eyes from the horse to its owner. - Like his owner. It's been a long time.

\- It has, Vilkas nodded. - I...well...you seem to be doing better. That's good.

What meaningless words those were. He had always been praised for his brain and this was literally the first time he found himself at loss for words. He cleared his throat and patted his stallion and at the same time his brain was trying to find something to say.

\- I'm leaving Whiterun, Sura explained. - It was good that I saw you here. I wanted to say goodbye.

\- Where are you going? he asked. His voice was a bit too cold and harsh. It wasn't his business...but still...

\- Riften, Sura answered. - I was waiting for the driver. Do you know when returnes?

\- Are you going by yourself? Vilkas frowned. - Without any protection or weapons?

\- I need to go, Sura said patiently. - I don't have a choice. If I want to find out more about myself and about my past, I can't just hide in the corners for the rest of my life. And...I think I'll be alright.

Vilkas looked at her, really looked, and tried his best to understand. This was her Sura, but at the same time she was a complete stranger, someone he didn't know. He was so used to seeing the timid little Khajiit girl, a little too shy to say what was on her mind. This new Sura forced him to change his ways and he didn't like it. But all the same he knew that wheter it was the newly found Zahraji or the old familiar Sura, he loved them both. And wanted to keep them safe. It seemed he could not persuade her. And he didn't really see any reason why he should. After all wasn't finding her past something that she had wanted for years. It would not be right of him to stop her now. And like Eorlund before him, he decided to help. He turned to his stallion and saddled him. He wasn't worried for his horse, it was used to riding long distanses with little rest.

\- Are you also leaving? Sura asked when she noticed him putting on the bridle. _If you are leaving now, how can I tell you...anything...about anything... _

He smiled to her and walked his stallion out. He jumped on his horse and calmed the animal down, it was ready for another ride in this cold, unforgiving land. Like him, it had experienced the snow, the freezing tundras and the chilling icy water of the rivers. Like him, it had seen the golden autumn leaves of Riften, and the lush forests of Falkreath. And not once neither the stallion or its owner had backed down. He eventually looked down on her from the saddle and then he held out his hand.

\- Get on, he said.

\- What? Sura was paffled.

\- The carriage isn't leaving for hours, Vilkas said. - Trust me, I know. And before you even have a chance to step on it, the Jarl will probably send someone after you and prevent you from going. Would you rather wait here for that moment or go together with me?

What he said was true and accurate, Sura admitted. But going together with him...she wasn't sure how this journey of hers would end. Endaring him wasn't something she wanted.

\- You can think of me as your personal bodyguard, Vilkas offered. - Pay me. I am a Companion, after all. That's what we do.

\- How much do you charge then? Sura asked warily.

\- 500 septims, Vilkas answered and his voice was serious and stern. - That's the standard fee.

\- I don't have that much, Sura frowned.

\- I'll give you discount, Vilkas grabbed her hand and pulled her up effortlessly. When the horse moved beneath them, she instinctively grabbed his shoulders to stay on. When he glanced back, she avoided his eyes and cleared her throat.

\- You'll need to hold on better than that, he said, took her hands and wrapped them around his waist. - If I'm going to protect you, letting you fall of the horse in the first few meters wouldn't look too good now would it?

She didn't answer but didn't remove her hands either. She was closer to him than she had been in months and as the familair scent of lavender and tundra cotton filled his senses, Vilkas smiled to himself. As the sun climbed higher to the now clear sky, he urged his stallion to move. Within minutes they were on the road.


	35. Wild confessions

**35\. Wild confessions**

Most of their journey was uneventful and quiet. It seemed that everyone and everything avoided them. Sura saw few animals, wolves mainly, but as soon as they crossed their path, they vanished in to the forest whimpering and afraid. Even the angry cave bear with two small cubs allowed them to move on peacefully. She wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but a memory made its way to her mind and before long she knew why the animals evaded them. She was traveling with the most dangerous beast of them all. She couldn't see it, but she could smell it. The scent wasn't strong, but she sensed it. Pungent, lingering smell of an animal which was strong, overwhelming and powerful. She had never seen the wolf in real life, in her dreams, she had seen its shadow. She wondered what would call out such a transformation. And how did he kept it under control.

As the day passed away, they arrived to a crossroad. Vilkas automatically turned his stallion towards Ivarstead. He knew the journey would be significantly shorter and they could stay the night in at the inn. He glanced at the sky. Night wasn't very far away. And with darkness, his beast began to wake. And call out its need to hunt. Being surrounded by people usually helped. That's he preferred the inn and not an outside campfire with just the two of them. The forest around them held too many beating hearts for his beast to detect. He didn't ask her which way she wanted to go, because he assumed that getting to Riften as fast as possible was their primary objective. But before they could continue their journey she stopped him.

\- No, she said quietly. - Go the other way.

\- To Windhelm? he glanced back at her. - Are you sure? Going throug Ivarstead shortens the journey by half and...

\- Go towards Windhelm, Sura interrupted him. - Someone is waiting for us. For me.

\- Who is waiting? Vilkas asked. - And why?

\- I don't know yet, Sura said. Her face was covered in uncertainty. She frowned, looked to the road that led to Ivarstead and then to the road that led to Windhelm. The whisper came again. A quiet, calming voice, leading her and showing her the right way. - I don't know, she repeated. - But I need to go towards Windhelm.

\- Windhelm is not very friendly to outsiders, Vilkas persuaded. - It will take hours before we get there. It's already late afternoon. We would have to ride through the night.

\- We can set up camp, Sura assured him. - I'm not going into the city. I think. But...I have to go that way to reach Riften. There is something important that I must see...or hear...or someone that I must meet. I can't explain it, but...

\- Alright, Vilkas agreed. - As you wish. He turned Abaccus around and led him on towards North. He was feeling restless but would do his best to hide it from Sura. The last thing she needed to see was his manbeast.

\- Thank you, she murmured softly.

They continued on for a couple of hours. Windhelm was still quite far away, but the sun began to set and the shadow grew longer. The small river valley was soon enveloped by twilight. The first stars began to shine and Sura lifted her head up. The sky was clear and bright, the huge twin moons loomed on top of them and only the sound of water and small forest critters surrounded them.

\- Maybe we should stop for the night, Sura suggested. She loved the river's edge, the unclouded sky and the shining stars and she was in no hurry to get to Windhelm. Somehow she knew that whatever was meant to happen, it would reveal itself tomorrow. She wasn't sure how Vilkas would react to her suggestion. He was a warrior after all, used to traveling long distances without sleep or rest.

\- The road isn't safe during the night, he said. - We need to find a place that's a bit more secluded. If there a bandits about they will spot us immediately if we stay here.

She nodded. Of course that was true. But she knew also that neither of them were defenless, least of all him. She jumped of the horse and streched herself. Hours of sitting really got her muscles tight up. Abaccus nuddged her in the shoulder as if demanding to know why they stopped.

\- Yes, thank you, Sura giggled and patted its muzzle. - I think we need to rest now.

They walked on for a while and as the night settled in they found a small clearing by the river. The road wasn't far and a patch of pine trees covered the area between. The river made a sharp turn and large rocky cliffs offered more coverage. Sura stopped by the river's edge, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She hadn't felt this free in a long time. Vilkas removed the saddle and the bridle from Abaccus and allowed the stallion to roam free. It never went too far and it had learned to follow its owner.

\- I'll go see if I can find something to eat, he said. - There is a tent in one of bags...

\- Who would want to sleep in a tent on such a night? Sura interrupted.

\- Nevertheless, the nights are cold, Vilkas insisted. - At least take out the sleeping bags. I'll make us a fire when I return. I won't be far, just call out if you need some help.

\- I'll be fine, she assured him.

He hesitated for a moment, eyed at Abaccus and oredered the horse to remain at camp. It could at least offer some protection if something happened while he was away. He wasn't sure what he would find but the forests of Skyrim always offered plenty of game. Rabbits, birds, deer. And like before, his wolf sensed his eagerness to hunt and suddenly he felt and saw the heartbeats of the nearby animals. This time he would have to be quicker and settle for smaller prey. He glanced at her once more and then vanished into the shadows of the trees.

Even with Vilkas gone the feeling of freedom and happiness remained. The feeling of safety. She smiled as she looked around and she was humming to herself when she began to gather small sticks and branches from the shore. She piled them together, placed some dry bark in between the cracks and snapped her fingers. The flames came easily, it was almost too simple. She watched her hand as the fire enveloped it and she felt no pain. How she knew she could control it now. She remembered how much strenght and trouble and energy she needed before when she still was Farengar's apprentice and he taught her the small, the weak, the easiests spells. And how even those required concenstration and peace. No wonder she hadn't been able to defend herself back then. If the Orc came back now and tried to attack her, she wouldn't need much time to call fire, wind, ice, even the fiercest of thunderstorms by her side. She knew the Companions didn't care for magic, the Nords in general didn't appreciate magical talents. That's why no one really knew what she was capable of. And she had no idea how Vilkas would react to her talents. In a few minutes she had a good campfire going and she found the sleeping bags. She laid them in front of the fire, one on each side. She didn't have any expectations of them sleeping together.

_(damaged goods!) (damaged goods!) (damaged goods!) (damaged goods!)_

She shook her head and forced the words away. That voice had been inside her head for days now. On one hand she felt happy and free and independent. On the other hand, she was only a cat, defective and inperfect. Not good enough, never good enough. She wasn't comparable to a Nord, not even to an Imperial. Her race, like the Argonians and the Dunmer, had always been second best, the slaves, the beasts and the unwanted. And now, even when the Dragonborn was a Khajiit, was he any more respected than an average Nord. No, even less. "_Then why?"_ the bitter voice inside her asked. _"Why demand him to help this land and its people?" _Because, she whispered to herself. Not all of them are like that. Lydia is good and kind, the Jarl is good and kind...

She stood up, walked by the river and tried to find the happy mood that she had suddenly lost. She looked her own mirror image and tried to see the change in herself. Yes, she might have become stronger, even more independent, but was she really that different. Inside she was still same old Sura, with the same old feelings. Sura. Zahraji. She wasn't sure which one she should have been. Raji remembered her parents and ther brother and loved them dearly. Sura remembered the Jarl and Lydia and Vilkas and loved them all as much. The two halves of her being were fighting and she wasn't sure how to combine these two different beings into a one whole person. She didn't hear when Vilkas returned to the camp. He knew how to move quietly, it had become a second nature to him. He caught two hares and as he laid them down by the fire, she turned to him. In that brief moment, before a fake smile rose on to her face, he wasn't sure what he saw.

\- You're back, Sura walked to him and took the hares. - And not empty handed. Let's see what we can cook out these two poor things.

\- Give it your best shot, Vilkas said. - I'm no Gourmet.

Sura cocked her head and smiled. - Neither am I. Well, at least you know who to plame when you get food poisoning.

They ate in silence. It was getting late but neither of them was tired. Vilkas' beast blood kept him awake and Sura had too many feelings, too many unsaid words running in circles inside her head. There were so many things she wanted to say and now that they were alone it was the perfect time. But she didn't know how to start. Or where. From her childhood...from the weird but also comforting return of her brother...or from the most obvious and from the most painful, Mistwatch.

\- You should get some rest, Vilkas finally said. - We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. I'll keep watch. You don't have to worry.

\- Why would I worry? Sura sighed. - I have a wolf by my side...

The words left her mouth and only seconds later she realized what she said. She stared at the flames and clearly felt Vilkas' grey eyes upon her. The forest was quiet, the night was quiet. Only the fire crackled between them and she couldn't remove her gaze from it. She believe his beast form was a secret that she should not have known. And now that she knew...now what?

\- I wasn't aware you knew, Vilkas swallowed.

\- I can smell it from you, Sura answered. - Almost see it. That's why nothing attacked us today. The animals, they all see it too, don't they?

\- Yes, he nodded. - It's enough to carry the shadow with me. I don't have to release the creature itself.

\- I saw you in my dreams, Sura began and wrapped her arms around her legs. - When ma and pa took me from this world, when they showed me my memories, you were there, in the mist. That's when I knew.

Vilkas didn't say anything. There wasn't much to say. Only the Circle members knew. Only the Circle members were. And Kodlak asked him and his brother to give up this curse. To him it didn't matter. Until that day when he lost control and ripped the Orc to pieces. When he saw what happened to Sura, that kind, beautiful, innocent girl he loved so tenderly. To that girl who never wanted to hurt anyone in her life. After that, he had turned countless of times. He came and went in a red haze, destroyed everyone that came accross him. He fed, he drank their blood and he felt how his beast became stronger and how the Daedric Prince Hircine laughed in his Hunting Grounds, how he enjoyed. Farkas followed his brother, accomppanied him, not to hunt but to keep him safe.

\- It doesn't bother me, Sura interrupted his thoughts. - It's part of you. Like what happened to me is part of me. We both have our own beasts, our own curses. Yours is the wolf. Mine...mine is the Orc.

\- He still follows you? Vilkas dared to ask.

\- Only in my nightmares, Sura replied. - And that doesn't happen very often.

That was true. She didn't see the Orc that much. But every now and then he loomed in the shadows, just in the corner of her eye, his red eyes burning. And when she turned, he was gone. She had learned to with it. She knew he would never completely leave. With a soft voice she told her about the dream she saw and relived, where almost everything about her past was revealed. When she met her parents, her brother. Faced her fears. Destroyed him, almost completely. Vilkas listened and didn't interrupt her. He sensed sadness in her voice but also relief. To finally know and remember. To find a place she belonged. This journey to Riften was also part of that discovery. He didn't guestion her, he only wanted to accompany her and keep her safe.

She still had more to say, but she couldn't sit still while talking about it. The words were like jumpy rabbits inside her, she wanted to shout them out to the world but at the same time she was terrified of what they would cause. She took a deep breath and stood up. She walked away from the fire, to the shore where she could feel the cold wind caress her face. Vilkas watched her frame. The soft, white fur had grown into a long, wavy hair. She had removed her armor and was standing there in that thin steelblue tunic. She looked lonely, small and so fragile. And still he could sense a core that was made from steel and a will that was forged from iron. Resilience. Persistence. She looked weak outside but was much stronger on the inside. Her strenght was hidden, but you could see it in her eyes.

\- Maybe, Sura finally continued. - What happened to me...was right...maybe...I deserved it...to make me what I am...

\- No! Vilkas suddenly shouted, stood up and walked to her. He grabbed her arms, forced her to look him in the eyes and shook her almost violently. - Don't say that! No one deserves that. No one!

\- But it gave my memories back to me, Sura stated. - Isn't that a fair price to pay...

\- For what? Vilkas' grip was like iron on her shoulders. - For a past that you can't change? For answers that only cause you pain? For a family that is long gone? How is that fair in any way?

\- To remember the bad things is better than not remember at all, Sura remained calm. - Before I didn't know who I was or where I came from. I had no past and no future. I was a nobody.

\- To me you were..! Vilkas cried out. - You were...

\- I know, Sura nodded. - That you once cared for me. More than I deserved. And I am grateful for that.

\- Grateful? Vilkas stuttered. - Grateful..? For what? I was not able to keep you safe.

\- It wasn't your duty, Sura cried and added without thinkin: - I'm not your family.

Those words cut deeper than she realized. Vilkas released his hands and backed away. True, they were not family, not related to each other in any way. They shared no relation at all. They were barely friends. Protecting her wasn't his duty. She felt only gratitude for his feelings. She didn't want to include him in her life. She might leave Whiterun, maybe Skyrim, for good. Who knew where the Dragonborn's path would take. And since he was her family, she would follow him. The only real family she had left. He turned away from her. He wished he could have faced her and told her not to leave him behind. He wanted to say that whatever she would face, he would be there, every step of the way. But it seemed time had done its damage. It had corrupted their future. A future that wasn't there to being with.

Suddenly Sura didn't know what to do. She was completely helpless, everything had slipped out of her fingers. She wanted to reach out, grab him and hold him back. He was not her family, how cruel could she be! She had not meant it like that. She only meant...he was not her family...now...but if...if it was possible...

"_Don't think about it_!" Lydia's voice shouted in her head. "_Tell him. Say it! Before you regret it!_"

She made her choice. If her father had been there at that moment, he might have regognized his late wife in his daughter. The same stubborn nature, the courage to stand up for your loved ones. Never shaking, never hesitating. But taking the few steps towards Vilkas required more courage than anything before this moment. Facing the Orc, knowing the truth about her family, those moments had crushed her, smashed her into small pieces but eventually she was able to gather herself and grow stronger. If this man rejected her now, she knew it would be the last time she saw him. His rejection would mean that she would not be able to face him ever again. It would mean leaving immediately and cutting him completely of her life. The thought of him being only a memory made her even more desperate to grab him and make him stay.

She rushed forward, wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheeck against his back. She felt her own heart race, she had never been this afraid to say something. Do or die, that's not much of a choise, she thought, but Lydia was right. It was the only way to stop this torment, and not create any more mistunderstandings. She closed her eyes and said the words her heart desired to hear.

\- _I love you_.

Her whisper was a like a thunder in that quiet, dark night. Her small hands were strong and her body was pressed tightly at his back. In that split second, before he turned to face her, a thousand thoughts crossed his mind. She had not meant it like that, she had just said it to comfort him, she didn't really...she felt only graditude...this was a trick of some Daedric Lord that wanted to mess around with mortals...his mind did not want to believe it. She had the courage, he didn't...

\- I love you, she said it again. This time her voice was louder and more confident.

He spun around but she didn't remove her arms. He had her effortlessly in his embrace, right there, where he always wanted her to be. Her head rested in the crook of his neck. He could feel the soft fur of her forehead against his chin. Slowly, he lifted his hands, pulled her closer and buried his face into her hair. When he say anything, Sura lifted her eyes to look at him.

\- I...I wanted to tell you, she murmured. - Because all these years I've been avoiding it. Trying my best to hide it. Trying to wish this feeling away. I never felt I was worty of you...a cat like me...

\- To me you were everything, Vilkas finally found his words. - You _are_ everything.

\- I don't want to force this upon you, she continued and lowered her eyes. - I know I'm not...whole...unbroken...that creature took me and used me and made me wortheless...

He interrupted her, gently cupped her face between his hands and lifted her face up. What she saw in his eyes was deep sadness. But there was also great worry and concern, anxiety and care. Warmth and affection. Passion and devotion. Desire, yerning and agony. She wasn't sure what she saw, just that his grey eyes were filled with gentleness. So, so caring. They were like warm summer clouds, so soft you could almost touch them with your hand, feel the pleasant rain that would fall down and cover the scenery like a silky, smooth planket.

\- To me, he whispered. - You have always been the beautiful, innocent, gorgeous woman that I fell in love with years and years ago. Doesn't matter what has happened or what will happen. All you need to do is hold onto me like you are doing now. And I will never leave your side.

He wrapped his arms around her small frame and pressed her tight against his body. Everything he had ever wanted was right here. As long as this woman was by his side, he would be willing to face anything. Trolls, bandits, dragons...didn't matter what the world threw at him. He would fight every struggle for both of them.

\- My ma was right, she finally sighed. - You were waiting for me.

\- I was waiting for you, Vilkas admitted and smile crept on his face. - But I didn't know you were already running towards me. If you hadn't been so courageous, I might have missed you. And not been able to catch you.

\- Don't worry, she laughed and gently caressed his cheek. - I won't run that fast ever again. And I'll make sure that we both stay on the same path from now.

* * *

_A/N: I think these two deserve some time together now. But don't worry, I will return to the more "action packed" chapters soon enough, with lots of fighting and more talking and soul searching ;). And a fair warning - next chapter (you might have guessed it) contains adult content.  
_


	36. Unending desire

_Warning. The end of this chapter contains adult content. Not suitable for younger audiences.  
_

* * *

**36\. Unending desire**

They talked through the night. About everything and anything. They talked about things they always wanted to say but never had the chance. They talked about their past and about their future. And whatever it would hold, they both agreed they would face it together. That night it was enough for them to be close to each other. To know that they were both there, at that moment, sitting in front of the same fire and looking up at the same stars.

Sura shared her concerns about the dragons and the path that it would lead her brother. She revealed everything to Vilkas, how J'Ziir only wanted revenge for the murder of their family. And how he would not let go of that revenge, even though he was the Dragonborn, the savior of Skyrim. Vilkas didn't say anything, he only listened. At that moment he knew Sura didn't ask more from him. He understood that this was the first time she was able to tell these things to anyone. He could sense her worry for her brother and her almost desperate need to help him. Help him to fight the dragons or to get his revenge, he wasn't exactly sure which she meant. But the idea of her, his small and delicate little woman in front of a fire breathing scaly monster caused him to worry. An uneasy, fearful feelings rose in him. A real concern for someone he loved. True, she was more stronger now, but facing a dragon...he wasn't sure anyone could do that alone.

But what caused even more pain was her tale of Mistwatch. At first he didn't want to hear it and when she began to talk about it, he wanted to spare her from reliving it once again. But eventually her quiet words made him understand that no amount of comfort, love or care would ever erase that memory for her. She had once told him that she wouldn't be able to forget anything. Her brain didn't allow her to forget. And this memory was no different. It was there and it remained, wheter he wanted it or not. He listened although he didn't want to. His anger and rage still burned like fiery embers of the fire. As her story progressed he closed his eyes and breathed deeply to contain his rising fury. He knew his eyes were burning like molten lava, his beasts was trying to claw its way out of his body. But years of training and control once again gave him the ability to keep it leashed.

She grew quiet when she saw his reaction. She didn't want to hurt him but she wanted him to know everything. And Mistwatch was part of her. She wanted to be whole for him and not just gather the good pieces from here and there. She clearly saw his beast now, a massive shadow behind him. How the flames painted the creature into the rock where he was leaning. Gaping jaws, massive claws, tangled, messy fur. She reached out her hand and touched it, caressed it and soothed it. The shadow flinched like it felt her hand. Vilkas winced, opened his eyes and looked at her. She was humming a song he had never heard. But it calmed him down and he felt how his cursed creature settled down.

\- It's an old lullaby, Sura explained. - My mother used to sing it to us. To me, to J'Ziir and...to..to...

A strange look filled her eyes. Like she was trying hard to remember, trying to piece the puzzle together but it seemed there was one important part missing. She wasn't quite sure how to take it. She had regained most of her memories, but one door remained tighly closed. She didn't understand why but accepted it. It would open when the time was right. When she needed that memory, it would come to her.

Vilkas glanced at the sky. Dawn was still few hours away but he could see the stars slowly fading. He wasn't tired especially now that his beast was riled up just a few moments ago. It would take hours to calm it down. But he did want Sura to get some sleep. He wasn't sure what the coming days would hold for them. But whatever it was, he wanted her to be as strong as she could. And that would require rest and food.

\- You better get some sleep, he said to her. - I'll keep watch.

\- You're not tired, I assume, Sura smiled to the shadow that was still hovering over the rock.

\- Since you know what I am, Vilkas said. - You also deserve to know what it means to own the beastblood. It doesn't allow you to sleep much. If you saw what I am when I change...maybe you wouldn't be so eager to be with me.

\- If you love me despite of Mistwatch, Sura said. - I love you and your beast.

Vilkas didn't know what to say, he wasn't used to saying "I love you". He wanted to but the words didn't come easily. She smiled, kissed his nose, stood up and walked to the sleeping bags. She laid down and curled up in a small ball and soon only her sparkling eyes were visible. They looked at him through the fire and the smoke, looked and searched. He wasn't sure what she was thinking, in the months that had past she had become sort of a mystery to him. Not a stranger, because he felt like he knew her. But there was now so much more of her, this whole new person he wanted to unwrap and discover.

\- Vilkas, she whispered. - I'm cold.

\- How can you be cold? he mumbled, stood up, walked up to her and covered her with the second sleeping bag. - Want me to add more wood to the fire?

\- No, she giggled, her small hand appered under the covers and grabbed his wrist . - I want you join me.

\- J-join you? he stuttered. - I...I'm not sure...what you mean...by joining...you...

\- Isn't it obvious enough? she teased him. - Here...under the covers.

\- But I'm not tired, he tried to back away but her hold on his hand was surprisingly strong.

\- Who said anything about sleeping? Sura murmured.

He swallowed. He hadn't expected nor planned anything like this. In a blink of an eye the image of Sura's brother flashed into his mind. The idea of going toe-to-toe with the muscular and easily aggrivated male Khajiit wasn't his idea of fun. He wasn't sure what kind of brother he wanted to be to her, but protective was the word that came to his mind first. To protect her from anything. Unlike in the past. And now he took that much more seriously. If he were to touch her, J'Ziir had more than one reason to see him as his enemy. And from a fight like that he wasn't sure who would come up as a winner. Maybe neither.

Two battles raged on in his head in those few seconds before he made his choice. The battle for love and the battle for honor. Being honorable meant that he would back away, talk with her brother and they would find common ground. Have him accept this relationship.

But he was a man who had loved this woman for years. His feelings for her, his need to feel her close to him quickly brushed aside his honorable intentions. He stood up and began to remove his armor. When Sura looked up at him, he suddenly felt the need to reassure her, explain his actions and let her know he wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

\- I'm taking this off, because it's made of steel, he hesitated. - It's cold...and if I join you...there...wearing this...

\- I wasn't asking, Sura smiled and the look she gave him was filled with trust and faith.

\- Are you sure? Vilkas asked him.

His armor now lay in the ground and he was wearing a long sleeved, dark shirt and breeches that covered his legs. He always wore them under his armor. The shirt separated the metallic chetsplate from his skin and soaked up his sweat and the breechers kept his feet warm and covered the parts that were not protected by the boots or the overall cuirass.

\- Come here, she said and held out her hand. He took it and she guided him behind her. As he layed by her side he felt warm, cozy and comfortable. Her small frame was tightly pressed against his chest and he felt her back, her buttocks and her legs against the rest of his body. He wrapped the planket around her but wasn't sure where he would lay his hands.

\- Still cold? he asked her few minutes later.

\- Little, she nodded. - Because your hands aren't were they are supposed to be.

\- And where is that? he asked.

\- Here, she took his arms and wrapped them around herself. - Much better.

As they lay there embracing each other he couldn't help but smile. Never in his wildest dreams he could have predicted this. To be here, together with her. With the woman his heart yearned for. He closed his eyes but opened them soon again. He wasn't tired but he didn't want to let a single second slip by. As he observed her he once again noticed the curios dark spiral that left from her other year and disappeared somewhere inside her shirt. Her hair had grown but the spiral remained.

\- What are you thinking? Sura suddenly asked. - I know you're not sleeping.

\- I'm not, but I thought you were, Vilkas answered. - Can't you sleep?

\- I don't want to, Sura said. - Now that you are here. I feel like I've slept enough in the past few months.

\- You should try, he reluctantly said to her. _"Don't sleep!"_ his heart suddenly cried out. _"Don't leave me alone now, even for a one moment."_

\- Should I? she asked innocently and pressed herself against him more tightly. He inhaled sharply, pulled her closer to him and rubbed his face against her hair. Her scent, that wonderful smell of lavender and tundra cotton filled his senses.

\- That would be wise, he swallowed.

\- Guess I'm a fool then, she smiled and enjoyed his warmth.

\- I've been wondering, he continued few minutes later. - For a long time now...since you are not going to sleep...maybe I can ask this..?

\- Ask what you want, Sura said. - I'll do my best to answer.

\- That spiral on your ear, Vilkas touched it with his lips. His gentle brush tickled her and she had to draw her ear back. He chuckled and she felt his laughter shake his body and rumble in his chest.

\- What about it? she sighed.

\- Where does it end?

Sura didn't answer. She'd been brave enough to tell him about her feelings and to invite him beside her into this intimate embrace. But she wasn't sure was she ready for the next step. True, nothing in his gentle touch didn't remind her about the Orc. And wasn't the the best way to get rid of those awful memories by creating some new memories, beautiful memories, with the man she loved. But would he agree or was it just too early for all that?

Thinking about all the years that had passed, the years when they just watched each other from afar, when they didn't had the courage to talk about their feelings, when they didn't have the courage to face it. Even if both of them wore the amulet of Mara around their necks during all those years nothing would have changed. All that time, wasted. And the future was unkown. Tomorrow might be too late.

\- Why don't you find out? she finally whispered.

He was silent for a long time. They were both thinking were they ready for the this. Sura was sure he wouldn't touch her, not because he didn't want to but because...maybe...deep down inside he did think that she was..._ damaged goods!_ Then something changed and she felt his finger touch her ear, very gently and lightly. He followed the pattern from her ear down to the back of her neck. He was almost enjoying this slow journey of discovering more of her until his finger stopped at the edge of her tunic.

\- Well? Sura asked. - Not going any further?

\- Your...clothes are in the way, he answered.

He tried his best to sound neutral and not make her to do something she didn't want to. She was the one who decided the pace. If she didn't want to reveal any more, he wouldn't force her. But once again her trust in him her utmost confidence in him, that he would be respectful and considerate, was stronger than her fear and anxiety. Before Vilkas could stop her, and he wasn't even sure did he want to, she wriggled out of her tunic and tossed it outside of the sleeping bag. She tried her best to calm her beating heart and as she once again buried herself insice the covers, she felt his breath on her naked skin. Heard his heart beating as fast as hers. And it calmed her to know that this was new to him as well.

The fur on her back was much thinner and he could feel her warm skin right beneath it. Her muscles, her toned, slender upper body. He didn't see it, but he could feel it. As she wriggled closer he had to move away as not scare her. The obvious pulge in his pants grew bigger and his breeches felt suddenly very uncomfortable. And like with anger, rage and hate, lust was also one of the feelings that awoke his beast. It began slowly, clanking the iron bars of his human will. Testing him. Seeing was he awake and aware. But his will was made of iron and he wouldn't allow his wolf to interfere. He pushed it away, locked it inside his inner basement and shut the steel door tightly. He heard how it howled and roared, denied of its freedom, denied of its carnal lust. Except this wasn't lust. This was love. And his deformed creature of destruction had nothing to do with love.

He returned to the task at hand and found the spot where his finger had stopped. It was on the sensual curve where Sura's neck changed into a shoulder and as he followed the pattern he realized that it took his fingers from the back to the front. His hand crossed her shoulder and glided towards her chest and he manged to stop himself moments before his fingers touched her breastband. In his hazy mind he noticed that her chest was almost completely hairless.

\- Hmm...still...much lower from here? Vilkas muttered and closed his eyes, hoping that she would deny it and praying that she wouldn't.

\- Much lower, she whispered instead. - But you can't see it if I'm like this. Do you want me to turn around?

\- No, he shook his head. - Just stay like that. We can stop here.

\- Here, she took his hand and pressed it against her breasts. - I can guide you the rest of the way.

His eyes were suddenly at the tip of his fingers. In the darkness beneath the covers she took him to an uncharted territory, to a place he had never been but wanted to go, see and explore. He felt her skin, smooth and hairless. There were few scars he could feel and he caressed them lovingly, hoping they wouldn't cause her any pain. His hand was like a wildfire, spreading through her body, wanting to consume and swallow her. She arched her back as his hand moved lower and she wasn't sure what she wanted from him, where exactly she wanted him to touch. She only hoped he wouldn't stop touching.

As his fingers reached the edge of her pants, she turned to her back and could only see the stars, shining bright up in the sky. His eyes, grey, intense and caring were among them, looking back down on her and all she saw in them was love and affection. When his hand slid underneath the fabric she arched her back and encouraged him to touch her deeper. There was no shame in that moment, no humiliation or guilt. His touch was gentle and light and as he parted her folds and caressed the most private parts of her body she let out a single sigh that changed into a cry of pleasure.

He kept his own wild desire in check. He only wanted her to feel this connection between them, this bond that only they could have. These waves of pleasure that only he could give to her. He pressed his face against her neck and felt her pulse fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. Her claws dug into his flesh but he barely noticed. As his fingers searched deeper and slowly conquered her wetness, she pushed his face lower and his lips explored her upper body. He used his teeth to move the annoying fabric away and and his warm mouth circled the hard top of her soft breast. As he nibbled and teased them with his lips and with his tongue, as his warm mouth sucked them gently, her body began to shiver and she pressed his face closer, hoping they could be like this forever.

The fire burned bright and hard, she didn't know where to touch or what to say anymore. She could hardly breathe. She felt his fingers deep inside her, caressing a strange place, gently stretching her and finding the spots that made her moan. Her body began to to convulse and shake. His mouth on her breasts added the pleasure as he moved his hand so that his thumb found the perfect place, the small pundle or nerve endings at the apex of her opening. She gasped for air, threw her hands on top of her head and grabbed the creep clusters that were barely surviving in this harsh enviroment. She ripped of them ground, tried to get away from his burning hand and mouth and at the same time she wanted much more, to be closer. This was not all, she knew it somewhere in her hazy mind. There was more, had to be, but at that moment, when her body swayed at the rhythm of his hand, she couldn't think of anything else. Her mind and her heart was filled with him.

He encouraged her and watched her as she reached her peak. He felt her body shake, how she squeezed his fingers like a wet silky, hot velvet and slowly he took her to the very end. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his whole life. A thin layer of sweat covered her body. Her eyes were burning, her ears were drawn back. Suddenly she unconciusly summoned a spell that first covered them both with ice cold mist and fog. Few seconds later, when she cried her immense pleasure out in the night sky, a sharp ice spike whisteled past his ear and crashed into a near by tree. He got goosepumps all over his body and his arousal screamed for satisfaction but he pushed it aside. This moment was for her. To show her what it could be like between then. She was gasping for breath trying to laugh at the same time.

\- I'm sorry, she stuttered when she was able to speak again. - I didn't mean to...

\- No harm done, Vilkas smiled and wrapped his arms around her. - I'm still alive.

\- I am too, she nestled herself against his warm body. - For the first time I feel like I'm truly alive.

As she finally dozed off, he watched over her. And promised to himself that he wouldn't allow this beautiful, energetic woman to disappear. Not into her own nightmares, because he knew she still had them. Not into the chaos of this world, because nothing was right in this land. And not into the feelings of desperation and inadequacy, because she was still harbouring such wanted to fill her life with love, laughter and joy. The road was long and difficult but he had confidence in himself and in her. He would carry her through difficult times and he would never let her go.

And he couldn't help but smile when he realized that he still didn't know where that spiral ended.


	37. Confrontation in Kynesgrove

**37\. Confrontation in Kynesgrove**

They reached Windhelm in the late afternoon the next day. The weather had changed, they sky was grey and unrelenting and the wind was blowing snow and izy drizzle around the scenery. The high stone walls of city looked uninviting and almost hostile. Sura was sitting on the saddle in front of Vilkas. He was holding the bridles with one hand and his other hand was around her waist. They stood there and watched the city that was shrouded in coldness.

\- So, who's waiting for you? he asked her.

\- Not here, she responded. - Not in Windhelm.

She didn't explain further because she couldn't. The strong feeling of someone, or something waiting...it was still there. It lingered around her and but she couldn't clarify how she knew it and why.

\- Do we need to stop here? Vilkas asked and calmed Abaccus, who was more than ready to move on.

\- No, I don't think so, Sura shook her head. - We can head towards Riften.

\- It's strange, Vilkas said. - Why you wanted us to come this way...

\- We will know in time, Sura assured him. - I'm sure of it.

He remained quiet, nodded and urged Abaccus to move forward. They passed the stables and turned towards south. Sura glanced back as they moved on. The city behind them caused cold shivers to run down her spine. She wasn't sure why but a part of her was sure that something terrible was about to happen there. Suddenly a quick flash - like a lighting - came to her. A vision of a dead woman, covered in blood. Laying on the a stone floor while someone very close shouted her name, over and over again, desperately. The images vanished as quickly as they came and she couldn't see who the woman was.

Vilkas noticed her absent eyes and realized that something wasn't right. He pulled the bridle and Abaccus slowed down. He touched Sura's forehead. She flinced it was like an electric current shot through her body when his hand brushed her face.

\- What's wrong? he asked, clearly concerned.

\- Nothing, she smiled to him but that strange look in her eyes didn't disappear.

\- You sure? he persisted.

He knew her better than she realized. That obscure stare into the distance wasn't familiar to him. It wasn't like her. Sometimes it seemed like she left this world behind and traveled to a different place and time where Skyrim and all its people didn't belong to. Where he didn't belong to. He knew he wouldn't be able to follow her to those different places and he would have like to kept her right here, by his side. Here, where he could see and touch her. Where he could proctect her. He understood that her father was something of a mage, maybe even more skilled than those in the College of Winterhold. Was it his dead presence that caused her to fade in and out of reality like this? His tremendous powers that reached out to her, even after years of his death.

\- Yes, I'm fine, she nodded and jumped of the horse. - I'll walk for a moment...

That dead woman, she thought. _I know her! _How do I know her? From where? And how I can prevent her death? Can I? Am I meant to? For what? Hundreds of questions cirlced in her head and she dug deep down in her memories to find answers. _Why, father?_ she cried out in her mind. _Why are you sending me these images?_ Without a doubt it was her father that did this. His cryptic way of telling what she needed to know or do. But a single glimpse of something that might or might not happen in the future didn't give her any information. It just caused distress and uncertainty because she didn't know what to do with it and where to place it. She heard Abaccus' and Vilkas' footseps behind her, he had stepped down from his horse. She turned to him and he stopped at his tracks. His eyes were filled with guestions. She knew he wanted to ask what was going on and of course he had the right to know. She was about to say something, explain her weird behaviour. Tell him about the vision she saw. She didn't want secrets between them. To keep him in the dark now would only make it more difficult in the future. She took a deep breath and began to explain when a panicked woman rushed by them and yelled something about dragons. They both turned to look after her but a massive roar from the top of the near by mountain caught their attention. Even Abaccus who usually was brave and courageous took few alarmed steps backswards.

\- A..dragon? Sura murmured. She hadn't seen one of those since that day in Whiterun when J'Ziir killed the beast by the watchtowers.

\- This is not good, Vilkas said and in a second he became the warrior she knew. He pulled out his sword and his eyes turned cold and calculating when he looked towards the small village of Kynesgrove. - Stay back.

\- A dragon! Sura suddenly understood.

She didn't listen to him nor head him shouting her name as she sprinted forward. She passed the Inn and glanced upwards. The snow almost blinded her but she ran forward and faintly heard his voice, shouting, almost begging her to stop. At that moment he was the last thing in her mind. Staying back like he wanted her to was not an option. As soon as the dragon roared she knew the reason they had to come this way. Her brother was somewhere up there, fighting that monster. And the fear, the deep fear for his satefy cut through her soul and drove her forward. Never again, she repeated. Never again will I lose him.

The wind was fierce the snow whirled and stung her eyes as she ran up the hill. Her breathing became erratic, something was boiling inside her. She didn't even notice her hands flaming, her eyes turning into solid gold. She heard loud noices, screaming, roaring and shouting. Words she didn't understand, but the effects reverbarated deep within her. A black lizard, the same one she and Lydia had seen that day, long ago - _how long had it been?_ \- glided over her. She turned towards it but the creature was disappeared into the thick blizzard. When she stood there following the beast who faded out of the view, Vilkas caught up with her and grabbed her hand. He cursed out loud and was forced to let go. She was like flaming fire atronach, completely engulfed by fire. Her blue eyes had turned into red-hot orange and he could feel intense heat burning within her. He was not used to seeing magic and he usually detested mages, but this was his Sura. Whatever she was he would accept it. But even so this boiling hot rage of hers was ungodly. Something powerful emerged from her. And as they heard the screams of pain and agony from somewhere in front of them neither of them cared for their own satefy.

They rushed forward. The first thing Sura saw was Lydia, laying on the ground,unmoving. She was about to run to her when she spotted her brother, switfly dodging the sharp jaws of the creature he was fighting. She knew almost immediately that he was in trouble. A blond woman was battling beside him and she yelled when one of the dragons massive talons hit her. J'Ziir removed his eyes from his target for a split second. That was a mistake. Within seconds he found himself trapped in the sharp jaws of the dragon, feeling its pointed teeth puncturing his armor and diving deep into his torso.

Sura didn't hesitate. She released a powerful spell, not calling it to her but feeling it, the power surging through her body. Everything in her was engulfed by flames and as the inferno left her hands and hit its target, the huge lizard roared in pain. That brief moment was enough, J'Ziir slipped out and rolled away. The dragon turned around and searched its new foe with its eyes and Sura froze into place. As courageous as she was at that moment she could only stare the massive creature in front of her.

Vilkas pulled her aside only moments before its talons grabbed her. He pushed her behind a huge boulder. She was wheezing and her whole body was shaking. When he heard the massive beast approaching, there was nothing he could do to calm her down. He stepped forward, ready to defend her with his own life. As she called out to him, faintly and weakly, he almost turned back. Almost. They would both die right now and here if he hesitated.

Out of the blinding snow storm he heard hurried steps and faster than the eye could see the black Khajiit jumped on top of the dragon. He was wielding both of his sharp axes, his fur was on fire in many places but he didn't notice his pain. With few well placed hits he maimed its neck, its legs and its hide. What Vilkas was able to do was to draw the creatures attention for long enough so that J'Ziir could deliver the killing blow. They didn't have a chance to talk to each other but they were both warriors. They didn't need to exchange words. Despite their mutual efforts, the dragon turned out to be resiliant and strong. Neither of them knew how long it took, but when the massive beast finally fell to the ground, they were both covered in blood and sweat. Vilkas bent down, trying to catch his breath and leaning on his sword, not really believing they had managed to bring down a dragon. His blood was filled with adrenalin but he felt the blows he had suffered. They would start hurting more later on.

He was barely able to catch his breath when the creature began to disintegrate in front of his eyes. He blinked, once and twice, only to see glowing, sparkling strands wriggling out its body. He lifted his sword and wondered how he was going to defend himself against such magic. From the corner of his eye he noticed J'Ziir grabbing his head, trying to fight whatever power was taking over him. His body arched in pain, his claws dug deep into the ground, it seemed he wanted to scream but couldn't. No made no sounds, he was barely able to breath as the glowing strands embraces and melted into him. It only took seconds for the dragon to disappear, leaving only the white bones and a huge skeleton behind. Suddenly Vilkas understood what he was witnessing. He had seen it before, when this same man took down another dragon, in the grassy fields of Whiterun. As the glow around J'Ziir faded he was finally able to stand up.

It seemed that he was used to it. He didn't seem to be dying although he was still swaying back and forth like a drunkard. He managed to find a bottle of ale and poured it all down his throat. Vilkas turned around and searched for Sura. She was still crouching behind the boulder, hugging her legs and staring into distance. Her eyes that only a moment ago were burning with fire and flames, were now pale, empty pieces of winter sky. Vilkas hobbled to him, his left leg was starting to swell and he felt blood oozing down. Despite his pain he sheathed his sword and kneeled in front of her. Gently he touched her, caressed her cheek and called her name. Slowly, very slowly she began to come back.

\- Is..is it dead? she murmured.

\- It's dead, he assured her and lifted her up. He wrapped his arms around her and clearly felt the intense stare of the Dragonborn at the back of his head. If looks could kill, he would already be dead.

\- J'Ziir? Sura slowly pushed him away and seached around.

\- He's alivel, Vilkas calmed her down.

\- And you? she looked at him and noticed the bruises and the burns and the long, bloody wound on his leg.

He tried to assure her that he was fine, but she refused to listen. In a way, he understood her. After all this she had to find something stable and familiar. Something she could concentrate on. She forced him to sit down and began to heal his body using strongest restoration spells she knew. It didn't take long before the cuts and lacerations began to heal he felt much better. He shunned magic but was starting to understand that it had its uses. Sura smiled to him, stood up and faced her brother's intensive gaze. He opened his mouth, probably wanted to say something, maybe even shout angrily at her, but then Lydia's motionless body caught her attention and she ran past him, leaving him standing there filled with angry, unsaid words. This was the first time someone ignored him like this. And he wasn't used to being ingnored.

Sura was relieved to find that Lydia hadn't suffered any serious injueries. It turned out that the dragon has swung its enourmous tail and the unfortunate housecarl was right in its path. The hit had flung her half across the field and she landed head first in to the hard bedrock. Sura lifted her gently, poured some healing potion down her throath and she came to, a little delirious and bewildered, but mostly unharmed. While she tended to her friend, the two men were watching each other. Thet kept their distance but the air between them was cold and filled with sparks. Vilkas wasn't sure what he saw in J'Ziir's face. He was a Khajiit and reading him and emotions was difficult. One thing he was sure of. He wasn't pleased that his sister had suddenly appeared. His tale swung back and forth, back and forth, like an angry, irritated snake and his ears were still drawn back. One wrong move and this sabertooth cat would be in his throat. He held back his grin because despite of all this the situation incredibly amusing. Here they were, on top of some distant mountain and they had just killed a dragon together. They worked as a team, knowing exactly what the other one was doing. They had in fact saved each others lives. But as soon as the beast was down, they became mortal enemies. J'Ziir's fur was smoldering from many places but he didn't seem to care. His eyes were fixated to him. He barely even noticed his housecarl as Sura helped her up.

\- So, you really are the Dragonborn, a blond woman suddenly appeared and stood in front of J'Ziir. Her voice broke his intense stare and instead he became incredibly annoyed. Because of this woman he was here now. - I guess I owe you an explanation. Go ahead, ask whatever you want. No more secrets.

\- I have nothing to ask, J'Ziir said. - I did what you demanded. That's enough.

\- We need to find out who's behind these dragon attacks, she began.

\- No, we don't, J'Ziir grunted. - If you want to find out, go by yourself. There's something else I need to do, he turned to look at Sura and as their eyes met, they both sensed the words hanging in the air between them.

J'Ziir didn't care for the blond woman as she went on and on about the Thalmor and the elves and their possible connection to the dragons. He wasn't interested. She wasn't even finished when he completely ignored her, turned around and walked to Sura and Lydia. Delphine grew quiet and wasn't sure what this all meant. She was under the impression that the Dragonborn wanted what she wanted. To kill the dragons. Nothing should be more important than that. But she was willing to wait, for now.

With a quick glance J'Ziir was assured that his housecarl seemed to be alright, if a little out of breath. Then he grabbed Sura's hand and pulled her aside. Lydia exhaled deeply and leaned againts a big rock. She was still feeling the effects of the blow. And the fact that she hadn't slept well in the past few night didn't exactly help. Her life had turned into a complete mess and she didn't know how to fix things.

\- Why are you here? J'Ziir asked his sister.

\- I want to see our home, she said. - What's left of it, at least. I'm heading to Riften.

\- There's nothing left, he said sternly.

\- You've been there? she lifted her eyes to him.

\- No, he shook his head. - Nor do I want to. There's nothing left, he repeated.

\- There has to be something, she insisted. - I'm going. And if you don't want to come along, that's fine.

\- What do you hope to find? J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Remains of an old shack filled with bandits and skeevers. The dusty old bones of our parents?

\- The rest of my memories, she answered calmly. - And a way to my future, she looked at Vilkas. J'Ziir followed her gaze and was barely able to hold in an angry groan.

\- I need to have a talk with him, he murmured.

\- No, you don't, Sura said and her voice reminded him so much of their mother that he flinched. - Yes, Vilkas and I are together now.

\- I don't like it, he rumbled.

\- And I don't care, she smiled.

His eyes flashed with anger but her gaze was filled with amusement. To be able to talk to him like this and feel very safe and happy made her glad. J'Ziir glanced at her and his experssion grew sour. But to his surprise her giddiness caused his anger to melt away almost way too fast and he had to remind himself that he didn't accept the situation in any way. But he was completely taken of guard when she spontaneously wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

\- I'm glad you're alright, she whispered.

\- Of course I am, he tried to push her away, but she clung to him like s small, tiny kitten. He remembered that as a child she enjoyed bouncing onto his back and as he tried to shake her off, she giggled and shrieked in laughter. He felt embarassaded and ambushed, but there was a sudden sparkle of joy in his heart as well. - I'm the Dragonborn, remember.

\- I know, Sura giggled, let him go and looked up at him. - So tell me, mighty hero of Skyrim. Where does your path lead you next?

He remained silent for a moment. His eyes moved to Lydia, to Vilkas and to Delhine, who was still waiting patiently. She wanted him to follow her plans but she and her agendas meant nothing to him. In her eyes he was the Dragonborn and that had sealed his fate. But what was more important to him was the woman standing in front of her. His sister, the girl with sparkling blue eyes. He looked at Vilkas and knew that the Nord wanted nothing more but to keep Raji safe. That was probably why he accompanied her.

And then - there was Lydia. When his eyes reached his housecarl, shirvers ran down his spine. He didn't know why and soon enough he found himself standing in front of another locked door. This time the door had a name. "_Lydia"._ Big, burning letters. He knew only bad things hid behind that door and that's why he wanted it remain closed for good. That's why he did his best to ignore it. Ever since they left Whiterun things had changed between them. Lydia wasn't talkative and she asked him things that made him uncomfortable. He didn't have a clue what she was talking about when she mentioned "_that night_". He remembered crawling out of the spider den but after that...everything was covered in fuzzy haze. He didn't have any idea how he managed to get back to Whiterun.

\- We'll go to Riften together, J'Ziir replied while his eyes still lingered on Lydia.

Sura noticed but didn't ask. She knew about her feelings, they had been obvious to her for quite some time now. But she was having a difficult time understanding her brother. J'Ziir sighed and walked back to Delphine who immediately continued on and on about the Thalmor. Sura heard them exchaning harsh words and she walked to Lydia and smiled to her. Lydia tried to smile back but all she saw in her face was unhappiness and her eyes trailing behind her Thane were filled with uncertainty.

Few hours later J'Ziir and Delphine reached some sort of understanding. She wasn't happy by his decision and couldn't believe this was the Dragonborn she was meant to protect and serve. She announced she would leave for Solitude, she wanted to find out if the elves were behind the dragons. J'Ziir waved her off and turned his back. To him it was all the same. And as Delphine was gone they also left Kynesgrove later that afternoon. Vilkas and Lydia walked up ahead and J'Ziir held Sura back. He gave her an old book. She took it and looked at him.

\- It's father's journal, he explained. - I've read all I can. The rest is for you.

She held the book in her hands and wondered what was inside. She wasn't sure would she be able to understand. Too much had happened in the past few weeks. She was feeling overwhelmed but grateful at the same time. But opening these doors too fast would be like breaking and old dam. If she wasn't careful, she would drown. She caressed the old leather cover.

_When the time is right, _she thought. _When the time is right. _


	38. Invisible emotions

**38\. Invisible emotions**

All Sura could do was read. A whole new world opened to her. Another door. And another. And another after that. They all swung open with a loud bangs and she finally understood a small bit of what had happened and why. Big parts of the story was still missing but gaining so much knowledge from her father made her question her entire childhood. The vivid memories she had were somehow different now. She tried to imagine her father, the kind, caring, fun-loving, spontaneous man as one of the most talented wizards in all of Tamriel. In his journal he didn't deny his powers. But he wasn't broud of many of things he did. He told where he got his knowledge and how he obtained some of the rarest spells in existence. When he mentioned the Daedric Prince of knowledge, Hermaus Mora, Sura slammed the book shut.

Vilkas looked up. When she began to read the old, tattered journal, he decided to let her be. Clearly it was important to her so he didn't wish to disturb her. They were sitting near the campfire they made just an hour ago. Riften was close but as the darkness set around them, Vilkas managed to persuade J'Ziir and Lydia to set up camp for the night. They found a suitable place, not too far from the road near a small stream that led deeper into the forest. The Dragonborn and his housecarl weren't around. But Vilkas could hear their voices some distance away and he assumed they were talking, almost arguing. If bandits were about they wouldn't be difficult to find. He had an incling that J'Ziir almost wished for bandits to attack. To get away from Lydia. All afternoon he and Sura had both seen the awkard atmosphere between the two of them. But they also knew that Lydia wouldn't be give up. She wasn't an easy woman and Vilkas was glad it wasn't him who she was yelling to.

\- It can't be, Sura murmured and stared at the flames. - Not...no...

\- Something wrong? Vilkas asked.

\- Where is J'Ziir? Did you see him leave? Sura looked around. - I need to talk to him.

\- He's over there, Vilkas pointed towards the stream. - It seems Lydia has some...things to say.

When he mentioned Lydia, Sura also heard the noises coming down the stream. She stood up and considered for a moment. But too many things in her father's writings bothered her and she couldn't wait. Vilkas didn't try to stop her as she left but he sighed and added some more wood to the fire. It seemed it was going to be a long night. And he kind of hoped that Lydia wouldn't come back to the camp by herself. Bandit he could handle, frost trolls and cave bears, they were nothing. But an angry woman who was disappointed in love. He had no idea how he was able to handle that.

* * *

Lydia was indeed livid. For days she had lived in uncertainty. She wasn't sure what to believe. She gave hints to J'Ziir, and when hints did nothing, she began to imply to the night they spent together. And when he just looked at her eyes filled with frustration and irritation, Lydia lost her patience.

\- What? she rolled her eyes. - Are you serious?

\- About what? he asked calmly.

\- That you don't remember? Lydia glared. - You expect me to believe that? With your brain? With that brilliant brain of a hero? A brain that never lets you forget anything?

\- Have I forgotten something? J'Ziir cocked on his eyebrows.

\- Have you? Lydia huffed. - That night in Whiterun! You don't wanto to acknowledge it, do you? You don't want to admit that we slept together, do you?

J'Ziir stared at her. He blinked. And stared. His face grew pale and he took a step back. He shook his head and took another step back. Lydia wasn't fooled by him. To her his reaction wasn't genuine. She had seen most of his tricks. How he fooled people, how he calculated and lied if necessary. To know that he was embarassed, that he was ashmamed of her, made her incredibly angry. It also caused her feel real pain. It was more tortorous than any arrow or a sword that pierced her body. Because this pain came from inside and she could not remove its source. She couldn't rip her own heart out.

\- No, he finally said. - That's not true. I never...

\- You! Lydia cried out. - How dare you? You can insult me, you can call me a slave or a burden or whatever...but this...to use me and then just throw me away, hurt me like this...to put me in the same group with those other trashy women you spend your nights with!

J'Ziir didn't answer. He had no idea what to say. Lydia claimed that they spend a night together, but he had no recollection of it. And he knew for sure that if it really happened, if he had the chance to touch Lydia, let alone sleep with her, he would rememeber it for the rest of his life. This woman in front of him was annoying, irritating, bothersome and a constant source of problems for him. But all the same she was desirable and enticing. That he had her and didn't remember. That wasn't possible.

_He would never be able to forget that. _

That much he admitted to himself. But she didn't need to know. And so, to cover up his uncertainty and his endless lust for her, which basically bothered him day and night, every waking hours of his life, he feigned arrogance and decided that it was better if she was angry. It would be easier for both of them, if she hated him. Loving his would only cause more pain for her.

\- Maybe it wasn't memorable enough, he said and looked right into her eyes. Then his gaze traveled from her face down her body and back again and she had never felt herself so worthelss before.

Lydia couldn't speak. Why did I think he would change? she thought to herself. What did I hope? she wondered.

\- So, who was the best? she swallowed. - Yosolda? Or maybe Carlotta? Or someone else from your countless traveles when I wasn't with you?

\- What does it matter? he crossed his arms.

\- It matters to me, she held back her tears. She would never give him the satisfaction. He didn't need to know how many times she had cried over him. Out of fear, out of disappointment, out of jealousy. Out of pure love. But now the tears that packed behind her eyes were tears of rage.

\- If you insist, he sighed and began counting. He mentioned woman after woman and with each name Lydia's heart grew a bit colder. The pain subsided and for the first time she wondered what was she doing here. Before J'Ziir ended his litany she turned around and walked away. When she passed Sura, she didn't even look at her.

Sura stopped to her tracks, glanced at J'Ziir and then looked back. She only saw Lydia's back and soon enough, she disappeared behind the trees. Sura could sense the tense atmosphere and wanted to help. But first she needed to talk about their father.

\- How are you? she managed to ask him before jumping right into the subject at hand.

\- Fine, he shrugged but his eyes followed the curve of the small stream and over and over again they traced the path and searched the trees. He resisted the urge to run after Lydia, grab her in his arms and repeat the night she claimed they spent together and this time remember every detail.

\- We need to talk, Sura finally began and pointed at their father's journal. - How much did you read?

\- All that was meant for me, he replied. - A bunch of useless rambling, if you ask me.

\- Did you know that our father went to Apocrypha? Sura asked.

\- What's that? he frowned. - Doesn't sound good.

\- It's a plane of Daedric Prince, Sura tried to explain. - In Oblivion. Father says it's like and endless library. Hermaeus Mora is the Prince of knowledge and memory. And both of those things are tightly attached to us.

\- A Daedric Prince? J'Ziir didn't look surprised. - There must have been a high prize for something like that.

\- Yes, I think father had some secret information, Sura continued. - And for some reason Hermaus Mora believed that my memories held that information so...that father had hidden away his knowledge in my mind. My memories were one part of that prize.

\- One part? J'Ziir turned to look at her. - And the other?

\- It has something to do with you, Sura began to walk back and forth. - The reason you are Dragonborn. How did you become Dragonborn and why? Your slavery, which didn't break you or kill you...the power within you and what gave that power to you, he must want it. The knowledge behind it. Father knew it but he never gave that information to him. He might try to get you on his side at some point.

\- Let him try, J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Like I don't have enough problems without some Daedric Princes interfiering with my life.

\- Lydia? Sura finally dared to ask.

\- She's the least of my problems, J'Ziir lied. - You of all people should know...

\- All I know is that she cares for you, Sura looked at him and her eyes were determined. - And you turn her away, over and over again. What are you going to do if someday you look for her and she's not there?

\- Good riddance, J'Ziir said. - So far she's been nothing but trouble.

\- I doubt that, Sura smiled. - I think I'd miss Lydia if she wasn't here.

J'Ziir didn't answer. He was annoyed to see how easily his sister saw through him. He didn't have enough patience to think about his situation with Lydia so he turned to a more obvious subject.

\- You know, your man also worships a Daedric Prince, he mentioned. - Are you really able to love a manbeast?

\- I'm glad you asked, Sura wasn't overwhelmed. - I know what he is and I love him despite of it. Like I said, I don't need your approval.

\- As if I have any saying in your life these days, J'Ziir admitted.

\- I don't mean that I want to cut you out, she corrected. - Not your approval, but your acceptance. Think of him as your brother.

\- A brother? he chuckeld sarcastically. - As if. The only brother I have was a crazy maniac who showed me the frostbite nest and had red hair and...wait...

\- You remember him too? Sura grabbed his arm. - I thought he was just a figment of my imagination.

\- Where did that come from? J'Ziir asked more from himself than her.

\- What happened to him? Sura squeezed his hand. - Do you know?

He shook his. How could he remember what happened to him if he wasn't even sure did he excist? Had he existed? But he must have since they both remembered him. Suddenly there were too many closed doors inside his head. Where did these countless doors come from? There was Lydia's door, which he didn't really want to open. But he was so curious towards it. And then there was another door but he couldn't find it.

\- We better get back to camp, he finally said. - When we arrive to Riften tomorrow, maybe we'll get some answers.

The camp was suspiciously quiet. Vilkas was the only one around. Lydia had disappeared. So was all of her gear. Her sword, her knapsack, her sleeping bag, everything was gone. And it didn't seem like Vikas had tried to stop her from leaving.

\- What happened? Sura asked. - Where's Lydia?

\- She's gone, Vilkas glanced at the J'Ziir. - She asked me to say that she was heading back to Whiterun. She didn't seem too happy to be here.

\- And you didn't try to stop her? J'Ziir gnarled.

\- What was I supposed to do? Vilkas didn't back down. - Grab her and tie her down?

\- Knock her unconsious, that works too! J'Ziir growled.

He turned around, walked to his horse and hopped on. He didn't bother with the saddle or with the bridle, he hurried on without thinking much. He didn't really understand why he was in such a hurry, but Skyrim wasn't a safe place. He didn't want to see Lydia die. In her foolish state of mind, anything was possible. As the night closed around him and his eyes frantically searched her familiar shape, he hoped he wouldn't find her dead by the side of the road. He would gladly take her bunches and her screams. She could even shoot a couple of arrows into him if she wanted. Screams of rage were better than deadly silence.


	39. Distant brothers

**39\. Distant brothers**

Her fury was still boiling right beneath the surface. It hadn't subsided nor settled. It was powered by the grinding jealously that ate her up. All those women, she thought. Was he really telling the truth? _Yes!_ He was. Why would he lie to her? About such things. That made no sense whatsoever. Nothing in her life made no sense. Why, oh why did I become his housecarl?

_"But"_...a small, nagging voice whispered inside her. If he really doesn't remember. He was bitten and poisoned and even you felt a little unwell the next day, didn't you? But what poison causes memory loss? There is no such thing!

_"But"_...that small, nagging voice continued. There are many poisons in this world. And you, my dear, are no expert. You don't know what side effects they have.

A selective memory loss! Please, Lydia scoffed. A memory loss that causes him to forget just that one night and nothing else. No, he doesn't want to remember. Or maybe...maybe it's like he said. Maybe it wasn't memorable enough. Maybe she wasn't good enough. She had practically pushed herself onto him, held on when he was about to pull away. It that wasn't desperate, what was? But he could have pulled away at any moment. He wasn't that weak. And wasn't he clearly aroused? Maybe...was that also caused by the poison? He hadn't wanted to but had no choice. And at that moment, she was the only woman around.

So many different voices and theories circled her head that she didn't even notice that her horse slowed down. Do you really want to leave? she asked herself. Leave him for good? Can you? The answer came very quickly. She didn't even need to think about it. A clear, definite no. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to be by his side even if he was nasty, unfriendly and filthy, hairy creature with blue eyes and muscles and an amazing body that she yearned to touch and kiss and caress. And even though he didn't remember, or didn't want to, she did. And the memories made her blush.

Maybe I just need to remind him, she smiled innocently. Grab him and kiss him again. Push him against a pine tree and tell him to take me here and now. The vivid images in her head made her laugh out loud. She could almost see it, his horrified and shocked face. But why would he be horrified? she was thinking. He wasn't horrified last time either. No, he was far from horrified, she remembered and now her horse had come to a complete stop and began munching some hay.

She was so enticed by the idea of repeating that lustfull night that she didn't notice a shadow approaching her. He came from the other side of the path, a dark silhouette that blended in its surroundings. He was wearing a black hood, a black armor and in his other hand he had a small, sharp knife. As he reached her horse, he grabbed the bridle and in a blink of an eye he forced Lydia down and she felt the cold metal against her neck. A soft, velvety voice whispered in her ear.

\- Alright, little lady, he coeed. - Hand over all your valuables or this will end in tears.

\- Is it gold you are after, you thief? Lydia spat but didn't dare to move. His arms were very strong. - I don't have any.

\- Come now, he chuckled and the blade pressed a little harder againts her neck. - This doesn't have to end in blood, lass.

\- Try it and your dead before you know it, a chocked voice behind them said. Lydia regognized it immediately Considering the situation she was way too happy to see J'Ziir. She almost laughed out loud. The strangers arm gribbed her tightly and he forced them to turn around. His dagger was still on her throat and she wasn't sure would any of them get out of this situation alive. But J'Ziir was here. He wouldn't let her die.

J'Ziir's eyes were hard and merciless and she saw only cold, calculating anger in them. His bow was arched and one sharp ebony arrow was aimed at the man head. She wasn't sure why he had come, but she was grateful that he was here. At this point her anger had completely melted away and she only hoped that this stranger wouldn't injure him. After all, he was far more important to Skyrim than she.

\- Well, well, the stranger said with a surpringly amused voice. - Isn't this interesting? I suggest you lower your bow if you want to see your lady unharmed.

\- How about I just kill you right now? J'Ziir gnarled. - What makes you think she means anything to me?

\- A pretty lass like her, his arm tentatively caressed her cheek and Lydia flinched. That tentative move caused J'Ziir's eyes to narrow. He was so angry he almost couldn't see where he was aiming. But his hand was steady. He knew if he released the arrow now, it would smash the man's head into pieces.

\- Let her go, J'Ziir hissed. - Final warning, Nord.

\- What do you think, my friend? he laughed and moved so that Lydia was right between the two men and J'Ziir lost his target. - Would she bite if I tried to kiss her?

\- You disgusting creature! Lydia stuggled but his body was made or stone.

\- A little poisonous, isn't she? he smiled underneath his hood. - A real Queen spider. You rarely see those. Few men seek them out willingly. But when you see one, what a rare sight she is, lad.

His words. Something changed. J'Ziir lowered his bow and the anger washed away. A door swung open somewhere in the back of his mind and a young boy walked in. No, not a boy anymore. A grown man but with the same wide smile and cocky attitude. In a split second he saw himself and his Nord brother standing in front of a huge cave, both were exited and afraid. He asked his brother was it safe to go in. His smile was crooked and he shook his head. Entering a Queens nest was never safe.

_"But what a rare sight she is, lad!"_

\- B...Brynjolf? J'Ziir said his name.

The thief was startled. His smile vanished. He didn't linger, in a blink of an eye he pushed Lydia towards J'Ziir and disappeared into the woods. Lydia fell face first on the cold hard stone path. J'Ziir bounced over her and ran after the dark silhouette. His concern over Lydia's safety had completely died out. He was now chasing after the only illusive memory he couldn't catch. And here he suddenly was, in flesh and blood. Alive and as slippery as before. Even more so.

As soon as he reached the dark thickness of the trees he knew running around madly wouldn't help him. He slowed down, became a creature of the night, a silent predator looking intently for his prey. He could clearly see every tree, every brush and rock and his ears turned towards every crackle and rustle. With silent steps he followed the dark shadow. He couldn't see him, but he could smell his scent. And very soon he heard his breath. He stopped and listened. The man wasn't far.

He squat down and whispered into the forest. Soon enough he was able to see every living creature near him. Red glowing aura revealed them to him. He didn't care about the deers and the rabbits that were on the edges of the shout, but consentrated on the shape of a man. He could see his shadow, hiding down between two fallen trees, looking for his pursuer. J'Ziir knew he hadn't noticed. The Nord was blind in the darkness. But even he needed the help of his shout to locate him. He was good, better than good. J'Ziir backed away and quietly circled around. He wasn't going to kill him and he wished he didn't have to hurt him but he pulled out his ebony dagger, just in case.

\- Turn around, slowly, he pushed his dagger sharply against his ribs and the man cursed under his breath.

\- Well, aren't you a clever one, he chuckled.

\- I don't have time for jokes, J'Ziir grunted, grabbed him by his arm and pushed him against the trees. The moons were shining brightly and as he yanked the man's hood away, he saw a familiar face. J'Ziir felt like he was moving backwards, like the drift of time had suddenly changed and he was a little boy again.

\- Look, lad, I'm not into men, the thief sneered. - But there are plenty of places where you can find what you need. Let's make a deal. You let me go and I'll help you find some company.

\- Shut your mouth and let me think, J'Ziir sheathed his dagger and stared at him.

\- Look, lad, the man touched his shoulder compassionately. - That angry attitude is kind of attracting but it won't help you.

J'Ziir's eyes moved from his face to the hand on his shoulder. No one had touched him like that in years. Even when he captured this strange prey of his, ambushed him and threatened him with a knife, he didn't seem upset or worried. Like most of the men he had encountered, this one didn't beg for his life. In fact he seemed confident that he wouldn't die.

\- Queen Frostbite, J'Ziir finally began. - What a rare sight she is?

\- Oh, he smiled. - Now I know why you aren't worried for that little lady you left behind. I guess she can handle herself. Let me tell you though, she smelled good. Too bad you don't like women, lad. You don't know what you're missing.

\- In front of a cave, J'Ziir continued and tried his best to ignore his words. He had to admit that he was a bit worried for Lydia and increasinly annoyed by his words. He knew that Lydia smelled good. And he would give no other man a chance to feel her scent.

\- A cave? he repeated. - Um...doesn't ring a bell, lad...

\- Nearly twenty years ago, you showed me a Queen, J'Ziir said and watched as the experessions on his face changed. - You said to me that we wouldn't be safe. Entering a Queens nest would never be safe. But...what a rare...

\- ...sight she is, lad, he finished the sentence and looked at him not really sure what he was seeing. - J'Ziir?

He nodded. - Brynjolf.

They stood there just looking at each other. Two little boys, both grown into men. Lost in time, lost in memories. Buried. But not forgotten. And then the read haired Nord did something J'Ziir never expected. He grabbed his long lost brother and hugged him. Hugged him like family. J'Ziir wanted to push him away, he wasn't used to such gestures. But before he could do any such things, Brynjolf pushed him a little further and looked at him.

\- I thought you were dead, he grunted with a smothered voice. - Like the rest of our family.

\- I'm alive, J'Ziir said calmly.

_"Our family"._ That sounded strange but also oddly comforting. Brynjolf shook his head as if he still didn't believe his eyes. A ghost had walked into his life. A ghost from the past. From the past he had laid to rest already. From the past he had accepted. From that past he thought he would never have to think again.

\- You've grown cold, he deduced. - And humorless.

\- What did you expect? J'Ziir asked. - That I'd be jumping with joy after my parents died.

\- Oddly, yes, Brynjold smiled. - Mother almost skinned us alive when she found out we went to the nest.

For the first time in what felt like forever, J'Ziir smiled. And with that smile Brynjolf saw the little brother he enjoyed teasing and teaching. Showing new things and telling new stories. This full grown Khajiit was far from the lanky, slim boy he remembered, but there were some things that remained. He knew he would probably discover more but that smile was a start.

They had some many things to say to each other but Lydia's loud, almost desperate voice echoed through the forest. She was yelling J'Ziir's name, but she sounded more worried than afraid.

\- Well, lad, here's your Queen now, Brynjolf smirked. - Shall we go before she finds us? Her bite might be poisonous.

\- Trust me, it is, J'Ziir said.

\- Let me share something with you then, Brynjolf smiled. - Frostbite poison is quite addicting. Like skooma. You get a taste, you want her to bite you again and again. Be careful, lad. You end up up dead smile on your face.

It might be a bit too late for that, J'Ziir thought but remained silent. He already felt like a helpless skeever in a sticky net and the more he struggled the tighter he got trapped. But there was another danger that lurked deep within this trap. Like a resurrected corpse with no will of his own he sometimes wanted willingly to follow his Queen.

Yes, Lydia was his Frostbite Queen. And everything in her was addicting. And he found himself craving after her, more and more as each day passed. He still had strenght to fight it, but he knew Brynjolf was right. Once you get a taste, you want it to happen again. But it wasn't Lydia he had to watch out for.

It was his own raving desire to be poisoned that threatened to bring him down.

* * *

_A/N: Let me introduce everyone's favorite thief. Because what's Riften without Brynjolf? ;)  
_


	40. New friends, old family

**40\. New friends, old family**

They all sat around the cozy campfire. Three of them knew each other. The other two were strangers. But among all of them, it was Brynjolf who felt like he wasn't part of this small group. He noticed the proud grey-eyed Nord sitting a little too close to Raji, so he was obviously more than a friend. Marking his territory, it seemed, he chuckled to himself. And then there was the "Spider Queen", who had green eyes and a pretty smile. She was beautiful and attractive, exactly his type. And obviously J'Ziir claimed his ownership over her, even when he did his best to deny it. When she sat next to him, he didn't push her away. And when Brymjolf stared at her for a little too long, J'Ziir's eyes grew cold and menacing. She was also sitting way too close to be just his housecarl.

In the light of the fire Brynjolf could clearly see all the changes in his Khajiit brother that he had not seen in dark forest. He didn't smile. His voice held understones that sends chilld down his spine. But his eyes, those frosty, blue eyes. Icy as the winter sky. No feelings, no emotions. Nothing. Emptiness. And hidden beneath that thin layer of inhumanity was something even more disturbing. Brynjolf didn't want to dig deeper, he didn't want to see what he would find. But he remembered that when J'Ziir was just a boy he had some of his mother's charms and softness. As a child this boy was a real softie. Crying over small little things, like dead birds or injured deer fawns.

And then there was the sister. The pretty little Raji with her white fur and blue eyes. The same eyes, but uncruel and friendly. Warm and happy. Too cute to be my sister, Brynjolf thought to himself. Even to this day. He fully understood the grey-eyed Nord's need to claim his right. Still he couldn't help to send him a challenging look and a confident smile that clearly said that she knew so much more about Raji than he ever would. The Nord met his gaze, confident and fearless. He had nothing to worry about. The two men stared at each other. Brynjolf felt that same stare just a few moments ago when they arrived at the camp and without hesitation he grabbed Raji in his arms and hugged her. Her laughter was the pretties sound he had heard in a long, long time. It resembeled Namada's laughter and Brynjolf was momentarily caught in his memories.

When Raji asked what happened to him, he didn't know where to start. He considered his words but decided it was best to go back to the beginning. To that day when they were supposed to come and get him from the orphanage. But no one ever came. They all listened as he told them how he ran from Riften, climbed over the high stone wall of city and ran through the rain to the small cottage. At first he was angry and furios and believed that they didn't want him in their family after all. But as he arrived and saw the smoldering remains of the cabin, his outrage turned into desperation and grief. There was nothing left of cozy little house, only the ghostly remains of the fire place and the chimney. As the darkness fell he searched for them and he only wished he would find someone alive. But that faint hope soon vanished when he stumbled upon the dead bodies of Namada and Azirr. He didn't mention how tears blinded him and how he fell to his knees and shouted their names, over and over again. He believed Raji and J'Ziir had gone through the same feelings of grief and heartache. No need increase their pain with his own.

The tears didn't dry that night and he didn't try to hide them. It took him all night to dig two shallow graves and bury the only parents he ever knew and had. And when he didn't find J'Ziir or Raji among the ruins or anywhere close to house, he was both grateful and sad. Grateful because he believed that they had survived whatever had happened. And extremely sad because he had no idea where they were and how they were doing.

Sura was relieved to hear that Brynjolf had buried their parents. They hadn't been left there laying on the cold ground, rotting and gwaned bare by skavengers and skeevers. Vilkas wrapped his arm around her and she managed to give him a little smile.

\- And you? Brynjolf finally looked at them. - What happened to you?

\- I fell into the river, Sura said. - And I lost my memories for years. I've been in Whiterun all this time.

\- Doesn't matter, J'Ziir avoided Brynjolf' gaze. - We're here now.

\- Well, Brynjolf sighed. - Quite a story, isn't it? Now what?

\- Will you take us the graves? Sura asked. - I want to go there.

\- It's not far, he agreed. - You do remember where the old house was.

Sura looked at J'Ziir and they both nodded. It was strange to go back, to be back here. For Sura it was a connection to her past, for J'Ziir it was a bunch of old memories he didn't really need. They weren't part of his life anymore, hadn't been in years. Those childhood days felt like he was reading a very old book of someone else's life. Like someone was showing him pictures and asked him to remember them. It was like this back then. You weren't really there, but this is how it went.

\- You go, J'Ziir said to Sura. - I need to leave.

\- What? Sura yelped. - What's so important now? Didn't you promise to come along.

\- I said we'll go to Riften together, J'Ziir stated. - And we are here now. But I have no need to see the graves or dig through some old memories. I remember enough. Brynjolf can take you.

\- In that case, Sura reached out her hand. - Leave me your part of the Eye. I might need it.

J'Ziir frowned. He didn't feel comfortable without the necklace. But Raji's eyes were adamant and reluctantly he took the jewel off and handed it to her. - Why do you need it?

\- Maybe I don't, she said and slipped around her neck. - But you never know. Surely you're not superstitious, are you? Since you don't have any emotional attachment to our family any more, why carry around an old, useless memento.

\- Are you testing me? he growled.

\- That attitude doesn't work on me, Sura said calmly.

\- Apparently not, J'Ziir sighed. He had no idea how to deal with this headstrong sister of his. He glanced at Lydia. - You stay here with Raji.

\- No, Lydia shook her head. - I'm going wherever you are going. I'm your housecarl, remember.

\- You stay here, J'Ziir stood up. - I need to stay away from you for a while.

\- And what if you need my help? Lydia insisted.

\- I doubt it, J'Ziir said and gestured Brynjolf. - I need to talk to you before I go.

As they walked to his horse, he could still hear Lydia's unhappy muttering from the campfire. But it was the right decision to leave her behind. He was having real difficulties concentrating on anything else while she was around. And what worried him the most were the quick flashbacks he began to have. Whiterun, Breezehome, the bedroom. Lydia...naked...under him...he shook his head when the images became too vivid. He preferred not to remember. Brynjolf followed him and smiled. Leaving the little lady behind wouldn't help things. Since J'Ziir was - clearly againts his will - so head over heals for his housecarl, all he probably could do was think of her wherever he went. As a good friend he decided to help and add some oil to the fire.

\- Don't worry, lad, he punched him on the shoulder. - I'll look after your Queen while you're gone. With both eyes.

\- There's something else I need you to do, J'Ziir frowned. - You have contacts?

\- Plenty, Brynjolf smiled. - What you need?

\- The murder of our parents, I know who was behind it, J'Ziir saddled his mare. - But there must be more to it. I need to get to the bottom of this. Do some digging and let me know what you find.

\- Sure, but it won't come cheap, Brynjolf said.

\- Gold is not a problem, J'Ziir took out a heavy coin purse and tossed it to him. - Send me a message if you find something. Or if you need more gold.

\- I would if I knew where you're headed, Brynjolf tucked the purse inside his armor.

\- High Hrothgar, J'Ziir jumped on the saddle. - Send a message at the Inn in Ivarstead if you need to reach me.

\- Anything else, lad? Brynjolf was sligtly amused by his attitude. It was like listening to an organized boss who knew exactly what he was doing. But Brynjolf knew J'Ziir had plans. And he was a little worried for the part he would play. Obviously he was mearly a pawn in this dangerous game of his.

\- Keep your eyes off the Queen, J'Ziir smiled but it was not a friendly, brotherly smile. It was a rather threathing smile that left to room for misunderstandings. - I found her first.

\- Shouldn't you allow the Queen to choose her own servants? Brynjolf couldn't help himself.

\- I think she has made her choice already, J'Ziir continued and glanced towards the campfire. - Instead of the Queen, be wary of the wolf.

\- The wolf? Brynjolf followed his gaze. - You mean the Nord?

\- He's not just all that, J'Ziir's eyes were grew cold. - Keep your eyes on Raji. I don't want her to get hurt. She's already suffered enough.

\- He doesn't seem too bad, Brynjolf chuckled. - A little too honorable maybe...

\- A little? J'Ziir scoffed. - Wait till he finds out what you really are and he'll show his true colours.

\- Don't worry, Brynjolf patted his horse. - I'll take care of things at this end. You just look after yourself, lad.

J'Ziir nodded, urged his horse around and in few seconds he was gone. Brynjolf turned and walked back to the camp. He sat down and added some wood the the dying flames. Lydia was silent and moping and Brynjolf knew J'Ziir was right. The Queen had made her choice. But it was such a shame for a beautiful woman like her to look so serious. He was about to stand up and walk to her, when Raji took the old book she was holding and sat next to Lydia. Brynjolf sighed. Clearly luck was not on his side.

\- Lydia, Sura touched her friends hand. - How are you?

\- I don't know what to do anymore, Lydia exclaimed but lowered her voice when the two men glanced at them. - Do you know what has happened?

\- No, Sura shook her head.

\- You and him are the same, right, Lydia turned to look Sura and pressed her index finger on her forehead. - Your brain...you can't forget anything, isn't that right?

\- I believe so, Sura nodded. -Why?

\- Well, he forgot, Lydia scowled. - I can't believe it!

\- What did he forget? Sura dared to ask and was little afraid to hear the answer.

Lydia looked at the flames and turned to her friend. Sura had always been there for her and now when she was compltely in love with her best friends annoying, stubborn brother, she knew confiding to her might help. Or not. It didn't matter. She had to tell someone.

\- We.., Lydia began, moved closer to Sura and whispered. - We...made love.

\- So, that's what this is about! Sura smiled. - He doesn't remember!

\- What's so funny about that? Lydia backed away and felt utterly betrayed. She had at least expected some kind of sympath from Sura, not such a joyoys, gleeful reaction.

\- No, I don't mean it like that, Sura hurried to calm her down. - I'm just...well, I didn't think that you two were so...close already.

\- Close? Lydia rolled her eyes. - You call that close? He was bitten by a Frostbite and I tried to take care of him...and one thing led to another and...I don't think you can actually call it lovemaking...it was more like...I was there at the right time. It could have been anyone else as well. It didn't matter to him was it me or Yos...

\- A Frostbite? Sura interrupted her. - Oh...now I see...

\- Would you stop that? Lydia was annoyed. - Since when did you began to speak in riddles?

\- Here, Sura gave her the old, tattered book. - I was wondering what this sentence meant, but it was not for me to understand. I believe that father meant it to you.

Lydia's eyes flickered. She wasn't sure what this was about. Sura's father? But she didn't know him. And he had no idea who she was. And the man was long gone, dead and buried. Reluctantly she took the book in her hands. There were only few lines on that otherwise empty page. But when she read them, a very warm, comforting feeling spread through her body. Like someone was looking after her, knew about her heartache and wanted to alleviate her pain.

_"Queen's bite is very poisonous. Sometimes it causes short time memory loss. He will remember soon. And he will return to your side."_

* * *

_A/N: I know in the game Frostbite's aren't that menacing, but I wanted to add something to there. After all, what's scarier than a giant frigging spider scurrying towards you?  
_


	41. The Queen and the Dragon

**41\. The Queen and the Dragon**

The road to High Hrothgar was easier this time. And not because Lydia wasn't there. It was easier because he had a horse underneath him. And even though the mountain was filled with snow and the wind was as fierce as before he felt like he was stronger and more prepared. His sturdy mare was tough and only looked at him calmly when he dismounted it in front of the massive monastery. Then it shielded itself from cold wind and laid down in the snow. Its owner strolled down the stone stairs and pushed open the heave metal doors. The roaring wind was completely blocked out and the silence surrounded him like a comforting, soft planket. This was the first time he actually enjoyed coming to this place. For some reason he appreaciated its peace now. After everything that had happened it was nice to be in quiet, tranguil place.

He walked forward and his steps were the only sounds that echoed through the halls. He had the old horn in his hand and he was ready to hand it over to Arngeir. The old man was nowhere to be seen. He saw the other brothers meditating around the monastery. For a moment he actually felt like he wanted to join them, calm his thoughts and gather all the confused feelings he had.

He returned to the main hall and spotted Arngeir by the huge metal doors. How did I miss him? he wondered and strolled ahead. But as he came closer he noticed the old man wasn't alone. He was accompanied by an Argonian. And an ugly one at that. Red scales, massive horns, bulding muscles. J'Ziir couldn't make out his face it was covered in shadows. What he did notice were the long, deep scars that ran down his face and over his other eye.

As Arngeir heard him approach, the old monk turned away from the Argonian. For a few fleeting seconds J'Ziir's eyes met the Argonians and he felt like a strong spring wind passed through him. And then the Argonian turned, opened the doors and left. Arngeirn guided J'Ziir further into the monastery and began talking about Jurgen Windcaller and the way of the voice, but for some reason J'Ziir wanted to turn away from him, run outside and catch the Argonian. He wasn't sure what he wanted to ask or why he wanted to catch him, but the feeling was strong and powerful.

Outside of the monastery the old Argonian stopped. He looked back and a sad smile rose to his anguished face. His other eye was blind, but with it he could see things that no other human could. So, he thought to himself. The boy has grown into a man. That's good, he smiled and nodded. He felt extremely tired and was willing, ready to face his fate and end this torment. But as long the World-Eater was alive, he had to persist. And keep fighting.

J'Ziir wanted to leave the monastery as soon as he could, but something prevented him. So instead he stayed for longer than he originally planned. For a change he actually listened to what Arngeir had to say. And when the first night came and went and he laid on his stone bed, she came to him like a ghost. High Hrothgar was a place for men, there were no women inside these walls. But his Spider Queen came and went as she wished.

_Lydia. Lydia. Lydia. _

He was determined to fight it. He left her behind to get away from her. But she came along anyway. She didn't ask his opinion. In the first night she just sat beside him and watched him. On the second night she smiled. On the third night her armor was gone and her hair was spread all over her naked shoulders like a silky veil. On the fourth night...

On the fourth night J'Ziir woke up, covered in sweat and remembered everything. Every tiny detail. Every moan, every whisper of desire. He could almost feel Lydia's soft skin under his fingertips. He was more aroused than ever and every fiber in his body craved after her. He stood up and walked to the narrow corridor where the monks meditated during the days. He kneeled down in front of a large window, closed his eyes and willed the images out of his head. Forced them out. And as he opened his eyes moments later, Lydia was sitting next to him, wearing only that seductive smile of hers and nothing else. J'Ziir knew she wasn't real but still he reached out his hand. Lydia cocked her head so that his fingers could caress her cheek.

_No! _he pulled his hand away and Lydia pouted. _You are stronger than this!_ He took a deep breath, stood up from the stone floor, grabbed his armor, got dressed and walked out into the courtyard. The whole mountain was suddenly surprisingly quiet. The wind had calmed down and the auroras were blazing in the sky.

\- Stop following me, he grunted as he saw her stading in the courtyard.

\- Do you really want me to? Lydia smiled.

\- Yes! Go away! J'Ziir sighed. - I don't want to see you anymore.

\- If you don't want to see me, Lydia rolled her eyes. - Why do you picture me naked? Can't you at least give me some clothes?

\- Why do you care? You're not really here, J'Ziir replied.

\- And doesn't that make you feel sane? Lydia circled him slowly. - Tell me, my Thane. Are you slowly starting to lose your mind?

\- My mind was shattered years ago, J'Ziir tried to push her away but when his hand went straight through her, even he was beginning to worry for his sanity.

\- Oh, I know all about your suffering and how it still haunts you, Lydia said and took a step closer. - But there are ways to forget the pain. Want me to show you?

\- No, thanks, J'Ziir glared at her. - I tried you already. I'd rather take skooma now. Do you have any?

\- I'm naked, Lydia smirked. - Do you see any pockets on me? But you can inspect me, if you suspect foul play. Maybe put your hands here, Lydia brushed her breasts.

At that point, J'Ziir turned away from the alluring image. He walked away from her but when she suddenly was standing in front of her, he stopped to his tracks. Was there no end to this nightmare?

\- Nightmare? Lydia crossed her arms. - How appropriate. I always love it when you shower me with compliments! I must be the luckiest woman alive. To bed the Dragonborn...

\- Don't! Remind! Me! Of! That! J'Ziir closed his eyes and grit his teeth.

\- Remind you? Lydia teased. - Forgive me. I thought you are unable to forget anything. How come our night is the only thing you suddenly can't recall?

Our night? Had she really called it that? As if they were completely in love and it was nothing less than their wedding night. Like it was some romantic encounter under the stars and luminated by thousands of candles.

\- We had candles, Lydia mentioned. - But I think it was raining. I can't remember. I was so enthralled by your hands and mouth. Compared to all the other lovers I've had, I'd say you were one of the best.

\- Other lovers? J'Ziir suddenly froze. - What other lovers?

\- Oh, did I hit the nerve? Lydia glanced at him. - Surely you don't assume that you were the first man I've had. And I can't promise you are the last either.

\- Are you talking about that future husband of yours? I thought you mentioned that it didn't work out, J'Ziir asked and he was now almost too curious. Dangerously so. He didn't want to be this desperate to know about the other men in Lydia's life.

\- Hadvar? Lydia smiled. - He was one. Very careful and very considerate, unlike others I know. And I have to say that brother of yours is quite the catch. Aren't you worried at all that you left me behind? _Under_ his care?

\- No, J'Ziir said but now he wasn't that certain any more. - I trust Brynjolf...

\- You trust a thief? Lydia laughed. - A thief, who only wants to steal things from others? Be it gold or women? I bet his hands are magical, since he knows how to use them.

J'Ziir swallowed. This wasn't fair. It was only his mind talking to him like this. The real Lydia would never say such things. She was bold but not this bold. And yet, she had mentioned there were many other men including Hadvar. J'Ziir wasn't sure did he want to know who they were...

\- Why should I tell you? Lydia snapped at him. - You don't care. I think I'm going to go now. Do whatever you want up here, in this secluded little place of yours. Where you ran away from me in hopes to find peace.

One gust of the wind and she was gone. J'Ziir turned around and hoped, wished to see her familair figure but only the wind whistled behind his back. And slowly something crawled into his mind, something that Raji had said earlier.

_" What are you going to do if someday you look for her and she's not there?"_

\- Ly...Lydia? he called out into the night. - Come on, this is not funny. Come out.

He was all alone. No answer. No silent giggle, no green eyes meeting his blue ones. He turned around in circles and called her name again. Then a rational part of his brain took control. Stop it! it ordered him. You don't need that woman. You don't need anyone.

For the first time in his life, he ignoreded the frantic comands of his brains and continued to call Lydia's name. - Come out! Our conversation is not over.

\- It is, my love, Lydia's voice whispered in the wind. - All I need to know is that you care enough to call for me.

_My love?_ J'Ziir fell to his knees when those words reached him. No, don't love me. I'm not worth it. Don't waste your feelings on someone like me. There are plenty of other men in this world.

\- Other men? Lydia continued whispering. - Yes...but you are the only one I want.

\- Don't, J'Ziir dug his claws deep into the frozen ground. - I don't want it. I don't want you.

\- I know, Lydia's comforting voice reached him. - But I still want you.

He looked up and Lydia was there. Like she always had been. Patient, smiling, encouraging, supporting Lydia. She stood few feet away from him and waited him to take the separating steps. The distance was short but to him it was miles and miles of unkown land filled with traps and deadly devices.

\- I can't, he muttered. He was having difficulties to breath. - Don't ask this of me.

\- I'll wait, Lydia smiled.

\- I'm not worth it, J'Ziir sighed.

\- Of course you are, Lydia didn't give up. - More so than anyone else.

She stood there, under the stars, stubborn and adamant. J'Ziir saw her like he'd never seen anyone. Utterly beautiful, strong, reassuring. Her small figure radiated peace and security. A place where he could forget the hate that still ate him away. There was a time when he only wanted to die. A time when it didn't matter to him would he live or die after his foe was dead. But now...looking at Lydia...he felt a desperate need to live. To reimain alive, for her. Few minutes later he was able to stand up. Lydia was still standing there.

\- Now that you remember, Lydia said. - You better come back to me. As soon as possible. I'm not giving you another chance.

\- I'll come back when I want to, J'Ziir tried to keep his distance but after being forced to his knees in front of her, it was very, very difficult.

\- Sure you do, Lydia smiled. - But I think it's rather sooner than later.

\- Keep dreaming, he looked at her one last time and turned away. As he walked out of the courtyard, he knew his time in High Hrothgar had come to an end.

* * *

_A/N: I know this chapter is quite short and pointless, but I want to force J'Ziir to finally have feelings. For forty chapters he's been nothing but a pain in the ass so I feel like I need to soften him a bit. But I love writing him and Lydia. They are so fun together. Anyway, continuing soon with Riften, going to forget J'Ziir for a while. More to come :). _


	42. Silent goodbyes

**42\. Silent goodbyes**

Sura looked at the two small, worn out gravestones. Grey. Nameless. Unnoticeable. She looked back at the barely visible remain of their old house. Of home. Brynjolf stood next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and tried to smile. But the smile soon turned into tears. Tears that she had waited for years to cry. Brynjolf knew it and pulled her gently into his arms. All she needed now was someone to be there. Someone who knew what happened and who shared the same grief. But Brynjolf's tears were long gone. He had cried enough when he was young. There was no one else on that small clearing. Vilkas and Lydia had stayed behind. They didn't know how long they stood there, just holding onto each other. Eventually Brynjolf touched her shoulders, pushed her a little further and wiped her tears away with his thumps.

\- What a little cry baby you are, he gently smiled to her.

\- These tears are years too late, Sura sighed. - How could I forget, Brynjolf? How can I forget something this important? My own family? My parents and my brothers!

\- Sometimes it's better to forget, lass, Brynjolf said. - Be merciful to yourself.

\- No, I wanted to remember, Sura looked at the gravestones. - Them, J'Ziir. And you, she smiled to him.

\- Even me? Brynjolf smirked. - What a lucky man I am. Are you sure you want to settle for that grumpy looking Nord of yours? Didn't I promise to marry you? I saw you first, you know.

\- I don't think you really want to get married, Sura giggled. - To me or to anyone else.

\- I might consider it, Brynjolf cocked his head. - If it was you...or that pretty housecarl that our ignorant brother left behind.

\- If I were you, Sura smiled. - I'd stay away from Lydia. For your own sake.

\- Why? Is she that dangerous? Sound promising, Brynjolf smirked.

\- Not Lydia, Sura didn't look at him. - But J'Ziir is.

\- He is not here, Brynjolf shrugged. - What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

\- And you think that he won't find out, Sura asked. - Come now, you're not that stupid, are you?

Brynjolf didn't answer. He glanced around. Is J'Ziir really so suspicious? he thought. That he wouldn't trust me? That he'd go around behind me back and spy on me? Sura noticed his frantic moves. Brynjolf knew it too, even if he didn't want to acknowledge it. She wasn't sure was J'Ziir around but she knew he would arrive. Sooner rather than later. She didn't believe him when he said that he remembered enough. That he wasn't interested to see their parents graves. His reactions were strong enough. His reluctance to be separated from the other part of the Eye confirmed her beliefs. J'Ziir cared. A lot.

Sura kneeled down, opened her knapsack and pulled out the old, stuffed rabbit. She caressed it gently and then she placed it at the foot of the gravestones. She could almost see a faint smile on its face. It was finally back home. Where it belonged. She wasn't sure was her imagination just playing trick on her or had the small stuffed rabbit really smiled. But nothing in this place seemed real. She glanced around. What was reality in this place? Her father lived his whole life in two different worlds. Even beyond the grave he reached out and guided them. Helped them. And as for their mother...Sura wasn't sure that the things she remembered were real. Like their father, had their mother also hidden something from them? Did she had her own secret life? Something she kept from them when they were children. She stood up, turned and was suddenly face to face with her mother. It was a brief moment and she was sure Brynjolf saw nothing. But she was there. Namada. Transparent, glowing figure. Smiling. And then she was gone. Sura wasn't sure what her mother wanted but she had no doubt she would find out, soon enough. They walked back to the small camp where Lydia and Vilkas were waiting for them. The camp was near the lake and Riften was clearly visible on the other side. In her childhood she had often come to the lake, to swim, to play, to just watch as the sun set in a glorious blaze of gold, orange and yellow. She had often watched the stone walls of the city and wondered about the people who lived there. The only one she knew was Brynjolf, her "elder brother".

Vilkas heard them coming. He did his best to let Sura come and go go as freely as she wanted. He didn't want to prevent her now that she was here but he wasn't completely relaxed with the red headed Nord around. Especially when those two were so close. But he told himself that they were family, nothing more. As they walked back to the camp, they were talking to each other. Heads together, too intimately. And as they joined him and Lydia Brynjolf smiled to him. It was the kind of smile which told him that they shared a bond. Special bond. Something he could never achieve. Or break.

Lydia was still unhappy about the fact that J'Ziir had left her behind. And because she was pouting she didn't notice at first that Brynjolf sat next to her. A little too close for comfort. Sura did but said nothing. Her only worry was that J'Ziir would do something violent when he returned. But Brynjolf was a grown man, able to defend himself. And a black eye or few broken ribs wouldn't kill a man like him.

\- So, housecarl, Brynjolf began to chat Lydia up. - What are you good at?

\- Huh? Lydia glanced at him and noticed he was right next to her. She cleared her throat and moved further away from him.

\- Do you prefer to use a sword? Have a good wrist action? Brynjolf smirked and swung his hand slowly up and down. - Or does bow and arrow suit your better?

\- I'm not very good with bows, Lydia coughed. - I like swords.

\- Big ones? Small ones? Brynjolf moved a little closer to her. - Two handed?

\- Just regular swords, Lydia glared at him. - Why do ask?

\- See, I'm trying to understand how you...serve your Thane, Brynjolf looked at her straight in the eye. - The more you have experience, the better. Experience, lass. I can share some of that with you.

\- You would? Lydia looked at him suspiciously. - Why?

\- I like you, Brynjolf smiled. - I'm willing to share my knowledge for free. A rare opportunity. How about it?

\- What do you mean? Lydia asked. She was intrigued. This man was so different from J'Ziir, open and friendly. But Lydia sensed that he was more than that. And it wasn't only "experience" he was willing to offer. If she had the courage this man would take her to places she had never been. She loved J'Ziir but in her tormented heart, Brynjolf was appealing and thrilling.

\- Let's see how you move, Brynjolf grabbed her hand and pulled her up. He circled her slowly and Lydia felt like she was a cow who was being inspected for breeding.

\- Look, I don't need experience, Lydia shoved him further. - I know enough.

\- Doubtful, Brynjolf grinned and stepped closer. - Don't you remember how easy it was for me to attack you?

\- I...I wasn't myself back then, Lydia snapped.

\- Want to try again? Brynjolf suggested. - Now you can clearly see where I am. No surprises. No cover of darkness.

\- If I refuse? Lydia crossed her arms and frowned.

\- My my! Brynjof was impressed and smiled to Sura. - Is this truly the first time that I'm being rejected?

\- Yes, don't test me, Lydia glared and sat back down. She stared at the flames for a few minutes and then she pulled out her sleeping back and buried herself inside it. Only a few dark curls of her hair were visible.

\- Giving up, are we? Sura asked innocently as Brynjolf sat down by the fire.

\- No, Brynjolf replied. - I'm only getting started. I know taming the Queen isn't easy.

Sura wasn't sure was he joking or serious. He might want to tease Lydia because of her feelings for J'Ziir. But if Brynjolf was serious and really wanted Lydia for himself this could only end badly. And then, broken ribs and black eyes wouldn't be enough. Then, there would be blood. And lots of it. Sura sighed. He knew Brynjolf wasn't the kind of man Lydia wanted in her life. But she could see the appeal he had on her, on any woman. But trusting Brynjolf...and losing J'Ziir...Sura believed she knew the answer to that guestion. And still it bothered her.

The forest grew quiet and the stars appeared on to the night sky. Sura was laying next to Vilkas but she knew he wasn't sleeping. Neither was she. She heard Lydia's steady breathing and was glad that at least she was able to get some rest. Brynjolf had disappeared few hours ago and Sura knew he wasn't coming back tonight. That didn't bother her. What kept her awake was the image of her mother. And the feeling that she wanted to tell her something. She pushed the covers aside and sat up. She touched the Eye. The jewel was now hanging from her neck, both pieces separated but still together. She had asked J'Ziir's piece because she knew he didn't need it now. Whatever he would face, he was able to overcome it.

She pulled her knapsack to her and rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for. The old book with withered leather covers. As she pulled it out she didn't notice the small leather pouch that fell to the ground next to her sleeping bag. She browsed the book and was amazed to notice that some of the pages she wasn't able to read were now freed. But most of the pages were empty. Only the last one contained something.

Three cryptic words. _Soul. Heart. Tears. _

It wasn't her father's handwriting. It was more feminine and she regognized it immediately. She stood up, grabbed the book and left the camp. As soon as she vanished into the woods, Vilkas was up. He was about to go after her and then he remembered that Lydia was alone and sleeping. But Sura was alone as well. And the last time he left her alone caused them both endless heartache. His heart made its choice.

He reached for his his sword and noticed the small leather purse on the ground. He took it, opened it and the two rings rolled on to his palm. The blue safire band around the smaller ring glimmered like a Sura's eyes. The bigger ring was made of smooth silver and it was decorated with dark ebony stripes. Vilkas knew Eorlund had poured hours and hours of fine work into these rings. He squeezed them into his hand, tucked them inside his armor and then he ran after Sura.


	43. Soul, heart, tears

**43\. Soul, heart, tears**

Sura arrived at the ghostly remains of the house. In the dim light of the night the old chimney and the few rotten boards looked eerie and frightening. She looked around and saw shadows amongst the trees. Dead things, moving at the edges of her imagination. Silent whispers. Words she couldn't undertand. Fear gripped her when she though she saw the Orc standing beneath the trees. Then his shadow disappeared and everything grew quiet again. She held the book in her hands and wondered where she should start. Something about souls, hearts and tears. She had no idea what her mother meant with such words. She heard hurried steps behind her and was filled with relief to see Vilkas running out of the darkness. Whatever this all meant at least she wouldn't face it alone. He ran to her and pulled her into his arms. She knew he was worried and she left guilty for not telling him where she left so suddenly.

\- What are you doing? he asked her and his voice was angry. This was the first time she saw him like this.

\- I'm sorry, Sura sighed. - I should have said something.

\- Yes, you should have, he grunted but didn't let go of her. - Look, we are in this together, aren't we? Why are you leaving me out?

\- I don't want to, she looked at him. - I really don't. But even I can't understand everything that's going on. How do you expect me to explain it to you?

He saw the frustration and confusion in her eyes. Because of that he hated her parents. To cause such misery years after their death. To cause pain to her and drag her deeper into this weird world of theirs. He didn't want to lose her completely to this madness. But that's where this all seemed to lead. Pulling her out of a world he knew nothing about...he didn't know if he was strong enough to do that. If he was capable enough.

\- Alright, he finally said. He couldn't fight this and he didn't want to. - What is it now? Your father?

\- No, Sura shook her head. - My mother, actually. She left me a message in my father's journal. It's like a riddle that I need to solve. But I don't know where to start.

\- What kind of a riddle? Vilkas asked and now he was interested. He had read books his whole life, sucked all the knowledge he could get his hands on. Mysteries and puzzles always caught his attention and he was rather good at solving them.

\- Just three words, Sura showed him. - Soul, heart and tears.

\- Something to do with your childhood maybe, he guessed. - Soul...didn't your father collect soul gems?

\- Yes, Sura nodded. - But there was nothing particular about those. It was just a bunch of dusty, old gems. He never used them, at least I don't remember it.

\- There seems to be a lot you didn't know, Vilkas said.

\- That's what frustrates me, Sura admitted. - Why can't they just tell me what they want? Why say things I don't understand. They can't expect me to know what this all means just by writing few random words.

Vilkas smiled. She was confused but that didn't seem to dampen her spirit. And to see her getting angry at her parents was a good sign. He was afraid that she would just swallow this all without guestioning it, follow this weird path to its unsettling end. But once again her strenght surprised him and he remined himself that he shouldn't be this amazed. He also noticed that this was the first time they were alone since that night by the river. And her angry, annoyed expression was beyond cute. She was too beautiful. He pulled her back into his arms and this time he wasn't worried or angry. His right hand caressed her chin and gently he lifted her face up. He smiled, bent down and kissed her.

\- I miss you, he whispered against her lips.

\- I'm right here, she replied, tossed the book to the ground and wrapped her arms around him. - How can you miss me?

\- You ignore me, he complained. Her lips were warm and soft. Kissing her was different, odd and strange. But it was also pleasurable and satisfying. He liked it and knew that this was the last woman he ever wanted to kiss. Do more than kiss.

\- I don't ignore you, she grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. His scent exited her, his lips devoured hers, his hands roamed her body. The night disappeared, the riddle vanished from her mind. What mattered now was this man and the fact that she wanted him so badly. His lips left hers and she threw her head back. His mouth slowly traveled down her neck and small whimpers escaped her lips. When his hands touched her breasts through the fabric, she whispered his name, longingly. It echoed in the night and the warm spring wind embraced them. When his lips once agains found hers, now more passionate and demanding, she pulled him down to the ground with her and the soft bed of autumn leaves welcomed them.

_Not like this!_ Vilkas shouted inside his mind. He didn't want to take her like this, next to the old ruins of her childhood home and just a few feet away from her parents graves. But her hold of him was strong and her scent surrounded him, enveloped him and called out to him. Lavender and tundra cottons. He deepened the kiss, their lips and tongues danced together and his hand caressed her breasts, felt the hard nipples through the fabric. How he longed to taste her body, to see more and feel more. Give her pleasure and see those bright blue eyes fixated on him. Once again he allowed his mouth to travel down her neck and even as his eyes were closed a blue light glowed through his eyelids. He stopped and opened his eyes. He pulled back and Sura let out a disappointed moan.

\- What's the matter? she asked.

\- Something's happening, he pulled her up and pointed at her neck. - The jewel. It's glowing.

Sura glanced down. Vilkas was right. The two separated parts of the Eye eminated a faint, blue glow. She looked at him and neither of them knew what this all meant. The book was laying next to her and the right page was open. _Soul. Heart. Tears. _

\- Wait, Vilkas pointed at the necklace. - Doesn't that thing contain the souls of your parents? Maybe...

\- Should I unite it? Sura asked.

\- Well, right now I can't think of anything else, Vilkas replied. - And it's glowing. So, unless your parents wanted to...you know...prevent us...or, protect your honor...

Sura smiled and caressed his cheek. - I think the only one who wants to protect my honor is you.

\- I just don't want you to remember it like this, Vilkas took her hand. - In the middle of nowhere, right next to your parents graves. It shouldn't be like that. You deserve better.

\- The place doesn't matter, she whispered. - As long as its you.

\- It will always be me, Vilkas assured her. - For the rest of our lives if you want.

\- Are you proposing me? Sura teased him.

\- I'll think of a better time for that, Vilkas laughed. - I will, eventually. I want you to be my wife. But for now maybe we should try to figure this thing out. Do you remember how to unite that thing?

Sura nodded. It was not a problem for her. Since that day she would always remember this spell. She took the two pieces in her hands, squeezed them tight together, closed her eyes and recited the words. She felt how the Eye became together, how its power surged through her body. The jewel inside her hand glowed brightly now, its light was radiant and intense, almost blinding. She placed it on her chest and as she opened her eyes they were filled with the same luminous glow. Vilkas grabbed her hands and whispered her name. When she answered back to him his beating heart calmed down a little. It scared him too much to let her go into that strange world by herself. But there was no way for him to follow her.

Things weren't that different to her. She knew Vilkas was there, she saw him clearly. But she also saw his wolf, lurking behind him. It wasn't menacing or threathing, it was simply there and would always be. She saw the old ruins of the house and the graves of her parents. And there, holding the old, stuffed rabbit, stood her mother. Her figure was now more clear and Sura could see her features. Her fur was dark like the night, it was the same shade of black that J'Ziir's. Her eyes were like two golden coins, yellow and bright. She was wearing a strange armor, made of black leather. A weak find lifted her cape. Her smile was gentle but there was a hint of sarcasm and cruelty. Sura immediately knew where J'Ziir got his bitter attitude from.

\- Hello dear, Namada greeted her with her low voice. - You finally made it here. I'm so happy to see you.

\- Mother? Sura was swallowing her tears. - Is it really you?

\- Yes, it's me, Namada answered. - And I'm happy to see that you have found someone who loves you. Although what just happened...maybe there's a better place and time for it.

\- Mother, Sura sighed. - Did you..?

\- No, darling, Namada laughed. - If I wanted to stop you two from copulating...

\- Don't use that word, Sura raised her hand. - It sound dirty. We are not animals.

\- He is, Namada looked at Vilkas. - Never mind. Whatever stopped it, I had nothing to do with it. The Eye does what it wants. I can't control it.

\- What's the meaning of this riddle? Sura began to lose her patience.

\- You found the soul, Namada caressed the rabbit. - Now you need to rememeber the heart and the tears.

\- How am I supposed to know what those are? Sura yelled.

\- Heart of the home and tears of the sun, Namada smiled and her frame began to fade away. In few seconds Sur could barely make out her face and then she was gone. Vanished into thin air. The glow of the Eye dimmed and disappeared. This time she didn't need to recite the spell, the Eye detached itself and once again became two different parts of the necklace.

\- What happened? Vilkas asked her when she returned to his world.

\- Heart of the home, Sura looked around. - Tears of the sun.

Heart of the home. She turned to the old house and realized the only thing that was still standing was the chimney. The fondest memories from her childhood were spent before the fireplace. The laughter, the jokes, the warm, cozy atmosphere. The long, exiting stories that their father told. The fireplace had always been the heart of their home.

\- Follow me, Sura took Vilkas' hand and guided him to the ruins.

Even now, years later she saw old, familiar things. The rusty, old cooking pots. Wooden plates. Spoons, knifes, clothes. Things that were not destroyed in the fire. Carefully she stepped over the old wooden roofbeams and managed to avoid the rotting floorboards. The fireplace was covered in ash, dust and dirt and when she touched the old stones she left her fingerprints behind.

\- What are we looking for? Vilkas asked.

\- I'm not sure, Sura said. - But it's something to do with the fireplace. I know it.

She bent down and peered inside the old chimney. At first she saw nothing, only a cloud of dust and ash and a piece of the night sky at the other end of the stack. She was about to back out when something shiny glimmered in the light of the moon. She reached out and her fingers found a small key, old and black with soot. She brushed it with her sleeve and tried to figure out where it belonged. And how it ended up in the chimeny in the first place. What made it shine, there was no light in the chimney? The moonlight couldn't reach the place. Once again she accepted that things happened because the Eye willed them. There was no other explanation.

\- I found something, she showed the key to Vilkas. - Now we just have to figure out where it belongs.

\- A cellar? he wondered. - A trap door, maybe?

\- We didn't have a cellar in our home, Sura shook her head. There was nothing unusual about the key. It was small and made of iron and it had no markings on it.

_"Tears of the sun"_, her mother's voice whispered in her head and an old memory slithered into her mind. On top of the small hill, at the back of their house. The early dawn when the sun was just rising. The morning was cold and wintry and the lake was covered in fog. But when the bright, red ball made its way up from the horizon, the fog began to dissipate. That short moment that only lasted for seconds. When the watery drops were clearly visible in front of the sun.

\- Can you see? Namada asked her children. - How the sun is crying?

Sura had asked why the sun shed tears. Was it sad because it had to rise again? Her mother smiled and shook her head. She told them that you can only see the tears of the sun in certain mornings, when the air is cold and water is warm. And the sun was crying because it could see the beauty of this world and intensify it with its own light.

\- Tears of the sun, Sura smiled. - I know now. I know what she meant.

Once again she grabbed Vilkas' hand and lead him to the small hill. It wasn't far from the old house and that's where they stood watching the sunrise on those special morning, when the sun shed it's transparent tears. Even now, during the night she remembered it all so clearly. Their mother, J'Ziir, herself and Brynjolf. They all watched and admired.

\- This is it, she told him. - Here is where watched how the sun cried.

\- And the key? Vilkas asked her. - Where does it belong?

\- We just have to find out, won't we? Sura smiled to him.


	44. Namada's secret

**44\. Namada's secret**

They looked for hours and hours and then Vilkas practically stumbled upon it. His left foot caught on something and he almost fell face first to the ground. He cursed aloud and Sura glanced back at him. At first he had no idea what his foot was caught on but then he pulled away some of the dead leaves and creep clusters. A small trap door was hidden underneath. It was cleverly placed, almost completely covered by an old tree stump and surrounded by big rocks. And even if wasn't covered by dirt and soil it would have been very difficult to spot. Sura came running and together they stood there thinking what they had discovered.

\- See if it fits, he said to her and rustled the old iron lock. It was rusted and they key barely fit into the slot. She was having difficulties to turn it but eventually the old lock gave away and creaked open.

\- What do you think we find down there? Sura asked him. She was clearly nervous.

\- Well, she was your mother, Vilkas said. - You should know better than me.

\- I thought I knew her, Sura twisted her hands. - But I knew nothing. Of her. Of my father. They are complete strangers to me.

\- Let me ask you something, Vilkas gently grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him. Then he looked deep into her eyes. - Would you tell your own child? Even if she couldn't understand? Would you push that knowledge onto her?

\- No, Sura mumbled. - I...I don't know. Maybe you're right. Do you think they kept all this from us just to keep us safe?

\- Safe, and happy, Vilkas nodded. - Carefree. Just a child should be. You didn't need to know all this. And what would you have done with that knowledge?

She couldn't answer. Her rational mind said that Vilkas was right. But her heart whispered that maybe she would have been able to save them, somehow. Instead of just hiding. Even when J'Ziir gave her a look that told her to stay hidden. Even then she wanted to jump out the wagon and run to her family.

\- Do you want to go by yourself? Vilkas asked as he pulled the old trapdoor open.

The old hinges creaked and a gust of dust, soil and dirt made her cough. She stood there in front of the open hatch and peered down. Nothing but darkness. Narrow wooden ladder leading somewhere. Descending alone to that small hole frightened her. It was like diving deep into the mind of her mother. To a place where she had no business to be in. And at the same time it was the safest place on the world. How could security and danger exist under the same name? Why did she feel like her mother held secrets that would cause more and more pain? Do I really want to dive deeper? she thought.

\- Will you come with me? Sura looked at Vilkas.

\- Shall I go first? he asked. - I'll see if I can find a torch down there so it won't be that dark. I'll call out when I reach the bottom and find some light.

\- Be careful, Sura touched his hand. - I...I don't want to lose...you.

\- You won't, he assured her. - And what would happen? Would she really attack me? You're not afraid of her, are you?

Actually, I am, Sura wanted to say. She didn't know why she was so nervous. She had a feeling that whatever was down there wouldn't be too friendly. When he began to climb down she wanted to call him back and tell him not to go. When he disappeared from her sight she stood up and paced back and forth. Then she knelt down again and peered into the hole. Nothing. Like the darkness swallowed him whole. Eventually her fear became too strong and she pushed aside any other concerns that she had. His safety was more important. And if she had to defy her own mother to keep him safe, then she wouldn't hesitate. Something was wrong, she was almost certain of it. She dropped down the the ladder and began climbing down. Just a feet feet away from the trapdoor the darkness became impenetrable. She didn't know how long it took for her to climb down but suddenly she reached the floor and turned around. And almost immediately she bumped into him.

\- Sura? Vilkas groped her in the dark.

\- Are you alright? Sura uttered a cry and grabbed his hands. - Why didn't you call out to me?

\- I told you I would, after I found a torch, he comforted her. - But it's so dark that I can barely see my own hands. Why did you come down?

\- I was worried, Sura frowned.

\- Well, I'm alright, he hugged her. - See for yourself.

He held her for a long time and as her heart calmed down she slowly began to distinguish her surroundings. She saw the the end of the ladder, the open hatch above them and the night sky littered with stars. Ahead of them was a narrow stone passage that led deeper into the darkness.

\- Alright, she whispered. - I'm alright now.

\- Really? Vilkas released her reluctantly. - Are you sure you don't want me to hold onto you a little longer?

\- You can do that later, Sura smiled. - Let's go.

\- Any idea how to go on in this godsforsaken darkness? Vilkas asked her. - If we can't see anything, there's no point going forward.

\- Hold on, Sura said. One of the earliest and easiest spells Farengar had taught her was a ball of light, small and poor. It didn't last long and it wasn't very bright but it would help them now, until they would discover something else to light their way. She cast it and it hovered over their heads. It was bright enough to show them the way forward.

\- Shall we go? Sura looked at Vilkas.

He nodded, reached out and untied the leather straps of his sword, just in case. He didn't really believe that Sura's mother would attack them, especially her own daughter. But this was clearly some kind of secret hideout and he suspected traps. Even undead creatures guarding the place like in some ancient Nordic ruins. He told her to stay behind him and then they began to walk forward. It wasn't long till the path widened and soon enough they were standing on a narrow stone ledge that dropped steeply down. A small river that slithered by their cabin turned into a waterfall and the secret path led underneath it. Sura looked down and realized that this was the place where she fell. The horse, the wagon and she inside it. All went over this steep cliff and ended up in the roaring rapids below. And from there...to a past that didn't exist at all. The path went past the waterfall and then it curved left, deeper into the hill, under the house and beyond. The flickering light guided them and soon enough Vilkas spotted torches on the wall. He grabbed one and lit it. Again the path curved, this time to right and it began to rise higher. The walls were covered with moth and mushrooms. Sura touched the walls and felt water dripping through the cracks. They were somewhere near the river or the lake, she was almost sure of it.

The path widened and they arrived into a large chamber. The walls were covered in bookshelves and cupboards, there was a massive wooden table stacked against the other wall and countless of chests, safes and strongboxes filled the empty spaces. Vilkas raised the torch and the light flickered. The cool air almost blew the flames out. At first neither of them saw where the breeze came from but as they continued deeper into the room, they noticed the hole in the floor. Beneath it they saw the crashing waves of Lake Honrich.

\- I'll get us some more light, Sura said when she noticed a tinderbox and a bunch old candles on top the of table. As she lit most of them Vilkas stood up and ignited some of torches on the walls. There were some wall scones as well and and soon enough the place was bright enough for them to look around.

\- This is interesting, Vilkas said. - This must be a hollow cliff side or something. Right on top of the lake. A clever place to hide.

\- What's the hole for? Sura wondered. - An escape route? Straight into the lake?

\- I doubt it, Vilkas glanced up and noticed an old, rusty hook on the ceiling. It was right on top of the hole, sturdy and strong. He didn't want to think what the hook was for. Certainly not for animals. No, it must have been used in more gruesome purposes.

\- There's lots of books here, Sura walked to the table and picked up and old, dampened one. The pages tore of when she opened it and there wasn't a single word she could make out.

Vilkas left Sura to examine the table. He walked to the other side of the room tried to open of the chests. To his surprise it wasn't locked. When he saw what was inside he couldn't breath or speak. Hundreds of jewels, gold, diamonds and other precious gems. The whole chest, filled to the brim. He opened the next and the next and the next and all of them were overflowing with riches.

\- You better take a look at this, Vilkas turned to Sura. - This is...unbelievable.

\- What is all this? Sura rummaged through the chests. - Where all this came from? And who does it belong to?

Her family had never been rich. They weren't exactly poor but managed to get by. Her mother had a small garden where they got gourds, carrots, wheat and other ingredients. Their father bought meat from the local hunters and sometimes he went fishing with J'Ziir and Brynjolf. And now she was buried up to her neck in expensive jewels and gold coins. And all this hidden in some weird hideout right next to their house.

\- I think it belongs to you now, Vilkas squat down next to her. - And your brothers. If all of this was indeed your mother's.

\- Are you serious? Sura gasped. - Giving this to Brynjolf? Don't you know what he is?

\- You don't trust him? Vilkas smiled sarcastically. - He seems to be very fond of you. Would he really take all this gold and run? Leave his precious sister behind?

\- Wait a minute, Sura smiled innocently. - Are you jealous?

\- I might be, Vilkas pulled her closer and kissed her. - You better not give me a reason to break his bones.

\- Don't worry, Sura laughed. - I think J'Ziir will do that for you.

They smiled to each other and then Sura stood up. She had no idea what to do with all the riches so she stepped back and decided to forget them for now. She walked back to the old table and brushed it with her fingertips. It was covered in dust. Most of the books were damaged by the wind and the water. She pulled open some of the drawers and found a bunch of old letters. From Cyrodiil and Elsweyr. Some were even from Morrowind. She browsed through them but understood very little. Contracts. Some of them seemed like a letters of extortion. She placed them back and kept looking. Suddenly her fingers found a small button under the table. She glanced back. Vilkas was going through the old bookshelves. She hoped that her mother didn't have any deadly traps in her hideout, spikes or other trapdoors and would drop them both down in to the cold waves of Lake Honrich. She took a deep breath and pressed the button. A silent click and the top of the table slid aside. It exposed a small locker which contained a book, a small pile of letters and a weird, dark mask. Sura sat down and took the book in her hands. Another journal? More secrets? Am I ready to dive down once again? she thought. Deeper and deeper. How far shall I go?

_As far as I need to. _

She took a deep breath, opened the book and began her long dive.


	45. The song of the Nightingale

**45\. The song of the Nightingale**

_"Why did you save me? I asked. A woman like me. A murderer. Someone destined to die. In a public execution, in front of all those people. Why? I asked. Because I love you, he said. Even if I don't love you back? I asked. Even so, he answered. For how long? I asked. For as long as I live, he said. And beyond."_

_"I don't love him, but he is kind to me. He is patient. Everyday he waits for me to give up this endless rage, this sadness that eats me away. He says he doesn't want me to hurt and that he wants to take the pain away. I say I can't. I won't."_

_"We came to this land some time ago. Cyrodiil is behind us. And all the dead bodies between us. There are people here who are like me. With swift hands and similar minds. I've met few of them. And I know I don't want to kill any more."_

_"Azirr. Why do you love me? Why are you so patient with me? When you know what I am and you know what I'm capable of? If I leave you now, would you come after me? Without a doubt, he said. I would search for you from the ends of the earth until my legs gave up on me. And even when I lay there dying and out of breath my heart slowed down and withered, I would still reach out for you, Namada. That's what he said."_

_"I gave up on it all. For Azirr. I cried bloody tears. For my sisters. But I hid the blade. I buried it and the blood marks on it. For Azirr."_

_"Gallus, Karliah and Mercer invited me with them tonight. I was initiated. A Nightingale. That's what I am now. One of them. One of Nocturnal's servants. One of her black feathered crows. It feels good, to belong and to be accepted."_

_"Azirr doesn't force me. He wants me but he doesn't force me. He is gentle and patient. And I gave myself to him because he wanted me. In the end, I realized I wanted it too. I didn't know it before. How much I wanted him."_

_"Do I love him?"_

_"I'm with a child. His child. I don't know am I happy or sad. I don't know what I feel. To be a mother. Can I protect my child? Something so small and helpless? Azirr knows and he is exited. I still don't know how I feel about him. But his touch makes me feel good."_

_"My son was born few days ago. My son. A beautiful little creature, black as the night with blue eyes. He has his father's eyes and my fur. He is a perfect little thing, like the two of us merged together in the best possible way. I didn't know what love was. What is was like to have something so dear, so precious. But whatever happens, I will protect my child and make sure he is safe in this cruel, cruel world."_

_"I think I love him. That terrifies me."_

_"Azirr. Why do you slither in my mind?"_

_"Someone wanted to hurt J'Ziir. The son of that awful woman from Riften. He is only two years old. No one touches my son and gets away with it. Azirr doesn't want to come here, but this time he did. He saw the body on the hook, saw all the blood on the floor. I took that woman's husband. I had nothing to say, I wanted to protect J'Ziir. Azirr became angry. The first time in all these years I've seen him like that. So enraged. He wouldn't hurt me, I know, but he made a mess of this place with all the lightings and fire spells. Afterwards, when he had spent all his energy, he fell to his knees and begged me to stop. He said I was endangering us all. I told him that so was he. With his hidden magic and with his relations to that power hungry Nord."_

_"We made love. I know now for sure that I love him."_

_"How can I protect my son from my own husband? How can I ever forgive Azirr for this? How could he let that Argonian into our home? What he did to J'Ziir that made his scream like that? Scream from pain and agony. And Azirr prevented me from going to him! He is so small, so weak. Such a sweet little boy. I don't know what that Argonian did, but my son was covered in fire and enveloped in some kind of glow. It didn't last long but how he screamed. Azirr...do you want me to kill you?"_

_"J'Ziir seems to be fine. He doesn't remember the Argonian. How could he, he is so small and he was sleeping when it happened. And afterwards he went on sleeping. He wasn't hurt, only for those few seconds he felt pain. There's nothing wrong with him. He chases after butterflies and bees and tries to crawl as far as he can."_

_"Azirr is a good father. When I see J'Ziir laughing and giggling in his arms, my heart flutters and I could just watch them hours and hours. Even when I wanted to hate him, I couldn't stop loving him."_

_"Another child in on its way. Must be from that night when he came down here. I told him and he didn't seem happy. Has he stopped loving me? Now? When I'm starting to realize that I can't live without him? _

_"Mercer is up to something. Karliah warned me. We have gathered much here. In case we need assets, we have what we need here. Mercer doesn't know about this place. Gallus doesn't want to believe it, he says Karliah is only imagining things. I'm afraid Karliah is right. And I worry for Gallus. He is too gullible sometimes."_

_"That woman came to me today. Maven. A proud one. And dangerous. She told me she knew what I did. That it was I who killed her husband. Instead of exposing my crime she decided to blackmail me. She wants me to give up all my contacts and move them under her name. I refused."_

_"She said I would regret my decision."_

_"My daughter was born. I don't know which child I adore more. J'Ziir is a cute little thing with his stumpy little nose and his small whiskers but Zahraji...how can words descripe something so unique? So beautiful? Azirr looked at his daughter when she was born and I saw tears in his eyes. Then he gave her back to me and went outside. I don't know what he is thinking. I can't read his mind. I can't see the future like he does. Kynareth save me, when did I lose him?"_

_"I confronted him. Asked him. Do you love me anymore? He looked at me and said yes. Yes, I do. I will always love you. But I know now, he continued. I've seen what happens. And it's all because of me. The torture our children must go through. Because of me, he said. And he asked me could I ever forgive him for that?"_

_"I love him. I would die with him. For him. And if what he sees is true then there must be a way to save them." _

_"Karliah came to me in the night. She is on the run. Mercer killed Gallus and framed her. She asked me to keep this between us for now. She said she would return one day and prove that it was Mercer who murdered Gallus. She asked me to stand by her that day."_

_"I promised I would."_

_"Mercer is the Guild Master now. Things have gone down the hill since that day. It's like Nocturnal cursed us. There aren't many left now, people are leaving in hopes to find something better." _

_"A young boy tried to rob me the other day. His hands were swift, but my eyes are faster. He wasn't disappointed when I grabbed his hand. He was impressed. He smiled and told me that I was the first one today who noticed him. He seemed to be proud of that. Little rascal."_

_"Brynjolf ran from the orphanage once again. He likes to spend time with us and Azirr is fond of him. J'Ziir also seems to like him, they are like brothers now. Going to places where they shouldn't go. And they are always eager to drag Raji along them. Except that once when I caught them near the caves. I was relieved to find them both alive and not caught in the webs of those nasty creatures but if they dragged Raji there with them...even their father wouldn't have been able to save their little behinds."_

_"Gods help me! It was a Queen's nest!" _

_"Azirr woke up in the middle of the night. He was barely able to breath. He got up from the bed and went to the children's bedroom. I don't know was it a nightmare or a vision but he was sure that our time was running out."_

_"Today he showed me Eye. It's magnificent. And scary. I pray that's its strong enough to save them."_

_"We have agreed to adopt Brynjolf. Despite everything we have promised that to him. He is eager to leave the orphanage, he rarely stays there anymore. Azirr build him his own bed and for the past nights he has been sleeping here. But we have to send him away. So that he will be spared as well."_

_"I hope Brynjolf is able to forgive us."_

_"Azirr has never been this gentle with me. Everything he does is filled with affection. He tells me everyday that he loves me. He touches me whenever he has a chance, he kisses me whenever he walks by. He holds me in his arms and I feel his heartbeat against my own when he makes love to me. It's like he doesn't want to let go. And neither do I. I don't want to let go of him. Why, why did I found him so late?"_

_"He came here tonight. And showed me the Eye again. It's time, he said. It's time to add the final ingredients. He held out his hand and asked me: do you trust me? I said I did. With all my life. He asked: would you follow me to death and beyond? I said I would. Always."_

_"He took my hand, pulled me into his arms and kissed me. He was trying to be strong, but I knew he was scared. Not for our sake."_

_"Raji and J'Ziir. The Eye has to protect them. I feel so weak now, like all the live left in me is gone. Passed on to them. To protect them we gave up everything."_

_"Because tomorrow."_

_"Tomorrow we will die."_

* * *

_A/N: A sneak peak into Namada's mind. I wanted to make her like J'Ziir, cold and calculating. Protective but a bit cruel. She is an interesting character and even I don't still know how to describe her. _


	46. Once a thief, always a thief

**46\. Once a thief, always a thief**

Brynjolf was sitting in the Ragged Flagon. Vekel passed him an ale and he chucked it down. He looked around, saw all the familiar faces. People who remained even when things weren't that good. And they hadn't been good in years. This was his family now. The Guild was his livelihood, thieving was his passion. Whether it was gold, jewels or women's virtues. He stole them all and was good at it. For years he hadn't thought about his "other" family but now he was faced to faced with them. Or what was left of them. Why do you bother? he asked himself. You should be thinking about the Guild and its problems, not something that's long dead and buried. Despite his better judgement which told him to take J'Ziir's gold and let sleeping dogs lie, he talked to Delvin and asked him to fetch some information. The bald man shrugged and smiled. The he reached out his hand and Brynjolf passed him half the gold. That was three days ago. And here he was now, waiting. And he was a little too inpatient. He told himself that he didn't care, this was just a job for someone else. Treat it like any other job. But as Delvin walked in to the Flagon, he almost jumped out of his chair. Delvin glanced at him but he didn't smile. Not good news, Brynjolf guessed.

\- So, what can you tell me? Brynjolf nodded his head to Vekel who passed another ale to him and one for Delvin.

\- I can tell you to stop, Delvin mumbled. - Simple as that.

\- Why? Brynjolf turned to him.

\- It's not healthy, Delvin drank his ale. - Wherever I look, Maven's name is written all over this thing. Let it go.

\- Maven? Brynjolf repeated. Delvin was right. There was no point digging through this. The Guild was in Maven's pocket, Riften ate from her palm. She owned everything, her influence touched everyone. And all the people who tried to act against her, were dead and buried.

\- Shouldn't you concentrate on Guild instead? Delvin asked. - I guess Falmer Blood elixir isn't that famous after all. What about that protege of your? She seems promising. Done some jobs I gave her, clean and simple. She's got a good head on her shoulders.

Brynjolf stared at the flames. Delvin was right. Aura had potential. The Imperial was able to grab money wherever she went. And not just money. Diamonds and other precious gems often found their way into her pockets. The only thing that slightly bothered him was that lumbering bodyguard of hers. But they both did good work for the Guild and Brynjolf had no complaints. Yes. Maven was too much. Too big of an enemy to go against. And he had to stay loyal. This family was more important that the dead one. He turned to Delvin. - Whatever you found out, keep it to yourself. And don't dig deeper.

\- You bet I won't, Delvin assured him.

Brynjolf stood up, left the Flagon and walked to to the Cistern. He wasn't going to disobey or betray the Guild. That's what he told himself when he climbed the ladder up to the hidden entry. Half an hour later he left Riften and walked the lake shore back to the small camp he had left during the night. It was early morning, the dawn was just breaking. The air was surprisingly cool and brisk and the sky was bright and cloudless. The lake had gathered a small fog during the night and when the sun began to rise, he had to stop. He couldn't take another step. His dead family was forcing its way into his mind. _Tears of the sun. _That's what he saw. The perfect water droplets in front of the blazing, orange ball. He hadn't forgotten, he had just refused to think about it. And now, like a cruel slap to his face, this sight, this incredibly beautiful, tormenting sight, was forced before his eyes.

He stood there, motionless. Then he shook his head, chuckled and pulled himself out of the gutter. He knew what J'Ziir was now. His "brother" had no mercy. If need be that "brother" would kill him as well. If he happened to stand in J'Ziir's way the Khajiit wouldn't hesitate. And now he already stood in the path of his poisonous revenge. Death didn't scare him. He already lived everyday like it was his last. He knew Skyrim, that old maid was far from virtuous. So why should he be? There was only Lydia in the camp when he arrived. She was up and about and seemed awfully happy. She even smiled to him. This woman was completely different that the pouting housecarl he talked to last night.

\- What makes you so happy, lass? Brynjolf asked.

\- I had a wonderful dream, Lydia hummed. - J'Ziir came to me and looked over me throughout the night. And his eyes...they were beautiful. Filled with emotions that I have never seen before.

\- Are you sure it was a dream? Brynjolf smirked.

\- Had to be, Lydia assured him. - He wouldn't look after me. And he definitely wouldn't look at me like that.

\- Like what? he sat down and grabbed something to eat. Lydia had made some breakfast and he wasn't coy.

\- Like...like he loved me, Lydia explained. - Yes, like he really loved me. Like there was no one else on this world, just the two of us.

\- You are right, Brynjolf grinned. - A man like him doesn't know how to love.

\- And I guess you know how to love too many women at the same time, Lydia snapped at him. - That's why I don't trust you.

\- You barely know me, lass, Brynjolf moved closer and Lydia backed away.

\- I've seen men like you before, Lydia said sternly. - In Whiterun, Vilkas' brother is like your twin. Every night with a different woman. And with many at the same time.

\- I haven't had a woman in a long time, Brynjolf suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. His lips were mere inches away from hers. He smelled like leather. And sewage.

\- And I had a real man not too long ago, Lydia pushed him away. - And he is the only man I want. And you should wash yourself more often. That stink alone is enough to repel any potential mates.

Brynjolf laughed. He didn't remember when he had this much fun. J'Ziir's housecarl was something else. He enjoyed teasing her. And if J'Ziir let such a woman slip out of his fingers, Brynjolf wouldn't miss his chance. But that was not his ultimate goal. A plan was beginning to form in his brain. Something that would awaken his lost brother out his slumber and throw him straight into this world.

\- Where's Raji? he finally asked and began to wonder the whereabouts of his sister.

\- I don't know, Lydia answered. - Sura and Vilkas are in love. I think they deserve some time alone. I guess you don't even know what happened.

\- Why? What happened? Brynjolf asked.

Lydia considered her options. She wasn't sure did she had the right the tell him, but Sura was part of his family, in a way. So she began and told him everything. It took a long time and by the time she was finished, the morning had passed and the afternoon sun was high upon the sky. Brynjolf didn't interrupt her once during the whole story, but his expressions said more than words. Lydia actually felt sorry for him. She moved next to him and placed her hand gently on his.

\- She's not hurting any more, she assured him. - I think being together with Vilkas is good for her. His love has cured her, helped her to overcome her fears.

\- I'm not surprised, Brynjolf said. - For her to choose a man like him. He seems patient. Like her father. He was the kindest man I knew.

\- J'Ziir never speaks about his family, Lydia sighed. - I wish he would. I'd like to know more about them.

\- What do you want to know? Brynjolf glanced at her.

\- Well, what can you tell me? Lydia smiled.

\- A lot, Brynjolf smiled.

He hadn't returned to those memories in years. And now they all flooded back to his mind so easily. He remembered and he talked. His voice flowed over Lydia like a gentle stream and she saw little J'Ziir with his family, happy and innocent. She sank into those images and she felt like she was there. Meeting his parents, his kind father and his mother, who was protective, loving but sometimes a little too strict. She didn't notice that Brynjolf had stopped talking. He was looking at her, his eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips. Slowly he wrapped his hand around her and pulled her closer. Lydia's heart skipped a beat. She closed her eyes and didn't resist when his lips touched hers, first very slowly and gently. When he deepened the kiss her mind went blank. He was a good kisser, even if he did smell like he just crawled out of a skeever den. His soft tongue touched her lips and asked for a permission to enter, to touch her deeper. When his hand began to travel down her body, she opened her eyes wide and pulled back.

\- No, Brynjolf, Lydia panted. - This is not right.

\- What are you talking about? Brynjolf smiled. - You enjoyed it, as much as I did.

\- I won't deny that, Lydia admitted. - But I can't betray J'Ziir.

\- He's not here, Brynjolf waived around. - He left you behind.

\- He will return, Lydia said, stood up and moved away from him. - I know he will. He's been alone all his life. Suffered enough. He's been betrayed so many times. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to be there, stay by his side. Help him.

\- You love him? Brynjolf asked.

\- Yes, Lydia said. - And if you have any respect for that, you won't do this again.

\- Very well, Brynjolf gave up. Exactly as he thought. Lydia wasn't easy but if she really loved J'Ziir, she shouldn't be. - I'll let you be. But when he returns, I'm sure you will also see how much he really "cares" for you.

\- And what about you? Do you really care for me? Lydia shook her head. - Do you want me because you can't have me?

_I don't want you. I want him to see what he is missing_. Brynjolf was sure that J'Ziir was somewhere near and witnessed everything that happened. And was probably boiling in his own rage. He smiled to Lydia and nonchalantly walked away from the camp. His steps took him back towards Riften and he was nearly there when a courier stopped him. At first he thought the message was from the Guild, Mercer maybe. But when he opened it, a cocky smile rose to his face. Exactly the kind of answer he'd been expecting.

_"I told you to stay away from the Queen."_

\- No lad, he smiled, crumbled the message and tossed it over his shoulder. - You only told me to keep my eyes off her. Not my hands.

* * *

_A/N: At first I wanted to make Brynjolf more evil, but I like him too much. Brynjolf, J'Ziir's wingman ;)._


	47. Because you loved me

**47\. Because you loved me**

Silently they walked side by side. Sura hadn't said a word since they left Namada's secret hideout. She didn't take anything with her not even the book which pulled her in like a moth to a flame. She had locked everything else outside of her and sat there for hours. Vilkas didn't want to disturb her so he explored the other parts of the small chamber. All the food items were rotten and spoiled but there were some strange potions he didn't dare to touch. An alchemy table sat in one corner and its drawers held items he had never seen. None of the plants or the insects were native to Skyrim.

He browsed the countless books that were placed on the shelves and found treasures that he never knew existed. Even the books in this place were rare and expensive. It was sad to see that most of them were destroyed by the wind and the water. Sura's mother had definitely been something else. He was willing to bet that she was a thief, a master one at that. In one of the strongboxes he even managed to find some jewelry that belonged to the nobles in Solitude. Some even had engravings in them. Blue Palace. To sneak in and out of there, one had to be skilled.

As they now walked back towards the camp Vilkas wasn't sure what he could an should say. He didn't know how to pull Sura out of that icy silence that sometimes took over her. It seemed that the more they discovered, her new found happiness and that beautiful smile of hers began to fade more and more. And Vilkas didn't like that. He wanted to see her smile, even if the circumstances weren't always to their favorite. He grabbed her hand and they stopped by the lake side. The sun was high up in the sky and it was a beautiful autumn day. The wind carried a fishy smell from the lake but it didn't ruin the perfection of this moment. Few birds flew by them, together like they were.

\- Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stand here like this for the rest of our lives? Sura sighed and leaned on his shoulder. - Not a care in the world.

\- Are you alright? Vilkas asked and wrapped his hand around her shoulder. - It seems that your mother had quite a lot to say.

\- Not to me exactly, Sura shrugged. - But I think I have a faint idea of what she was.

\- And what was that? Vilkas wasn't sure did she want to tell him but he asked anyway.

\- A thief, Sura replied. - And a murderer. A cynical person. Like J'Ziir is now. But my father's love somehow cured her. Helped her overcome her fears and her despair. I believe she lost someone important. Before they came to Skyrim.

\- Whatever she was, I'm grateful to her, Vilkas said.

\- What do you mean? Sura looked up at him. - You didn't even know her.

\- For me it's enough to know that she gave birth to you and brought you into this world, Vilkas caressed her cheek. - For me to find. And didn't she tell you that someone was waiting for you. She knew everything so much better than we did. And she helped us. That's why I don't understand why you were so afraid.

\- I wasn't afraid of her, Sura explained. - I think I was afraid that I would lose her in some way again. Find something awful about her that would make me hate her instead of loving her.

\- And did you? Vilkas asked.

\- No, Sura shook her head. - I still love her. But now I can also understand her a bit better.

\- That's good, Vilkas smiled to her.

Sura wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. He was wearing his armor so she couldn't hear his heartbeat. But she knew it was there, underneath this cold metal, beating strong and solid. She wasn't alone in this. He was by her side and she wanted to believe that he would always be here. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes. This was her safe place, a shelter from the storm that raged around her. She didn't notice how he reached inside his armor. He held the rings in his palm and made his decision.

\- Marry me, he whispered into her ear.

Sura opened her eyes and the first thing she saw were the two beautiful rings that he held out to her. She could barely see them, her eyes were suddenly filled with tears. She didn't know where he got the rings but like Vilkas she regognized Eorlund's handwork. Both rings were made from silver. The other one had a thin safire band circling it. The other was decorated with dark ebony stripes. They were both incredibly beautiful. Unique and the only ones in this world.

\- Marry me, Vilkas turned her towards him and smiled. - There is no way I can live without you. Whatever happens, I want you to know that I will be here. And whenever you look at this ring, you remember that you're not alone.

Sura swallowed and wiped her tears away. She trusted Vilkas and knew he would never leave her. But marriage? Did he really want to go that far? He was a Nord, a proud member of the Companions. Respected wherever he went. Admired by other women. He could have had anyone. Anyone. And he still wanted her. Chose her. To be his wife. His companion in life.

\- Stop thinking so hard, Vilkas laughed and caressed the frown away from her face.

\- A marriage is a big commitment, Sura looked at him and her eyes were very serious. - We can't jump into it without considering where this might lead.

\- Wherever it leads, we are together, Vilkas said. - It's our lives, isn't it? Tell me, who do you think will oppose this? Farkas? Never, he practically adores you.

\- Not Farkas, Sura smiled. - But I have a brother too. I know we don't need him to accept this but I wouldn't want you and him to be mortal enemies.

\- We won't be, Vilkas assured her. - Do you trust me?

_"He asked me: do you trust me? I said I did. With all my life."_

\- I do, Sura replied. - With all my life.

\- And do you remember what I said to you on that night we spend by the riverside? Vilkas continued.

\- You told me to hold on to you, Sura replied. - And that you would never leave my side.

\- And I never will, he pulled her into his arms. - I never will.

_"Just hold onto me like you are doing now and I will never leave your side." _Vilkas wouldn't lie to her. And the words he said were sincere. They came from his heart, from that strong, solid beating heart of his. The same heart that somehow chose her. And rejected any other woman. Kept looking for her. And never gave up. Kept wanting her even when she was broken and damaged.

\- Do you need more convincing? Vilkas finally asked. - I believe there are other ways I could use but I'd rather save that for later. When it's just the two of us.

\- Well, we're alone here now, Sura teased him.

\- Do you know how tempting you are? Vilkas cupped her face in his hands. - How beautiful. How hard it is for me to resist you?

\- Why do you keep resisting then? Sura got up on her toes, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. His scent surrounded her and everything around them disappeared. It was just him and her and their rising passion.

\- Because I feel that I'd wrong you if I keep pushing this, Vilkas mumbled against her lips. - I know what you went through. And I don't want you to be reminded of that.

\- You could never wrong me, Sura pressed her forehead against his. - And your touch doesn't hurt me.

\- I love you, Vilkas whispered. - I want you to be my wife. My one true companion. I don't care what other people say. I will defend you and this love till death. Even if I have to take few rounds against that head-strong brother of yours.

\- You'd actually do that? Sura giggled. - Go against the Dragonborn just to have me?

\- Dragonborn or not, Vilkas shrugged. - If he wants to beat me to a pulp he can try his best.

\- If he tried that, I would have his roast his behind, Sura assured him. - Dragonborn or not.

Vilkas burst out laughing. He couldn't get rid of the images in his head. Thinking about his gentle and warm Sura blasting fireballs towards the cynical and obstinate Dragonborn. That's a battle he wouldn't want to miss. Not necessarily take part in it, just watching would be interesting. He wondered would J'Ziir actually attack his own sister or would he just take it like a man. No, he thought. J'Ziir would stand it and not even flinch. And he definately wouldn't attack.

\- Yes, Sura said in a small, quiet voice. She didn't look in his eyes and her face was cast down. Vilkas had never seen a Khajiit blush but he was sure he could see a slight redness rise on her cheeks.

\- What? Vilkas asked even though he heard clearly what she said. - Could you repeat that? My ears aren't as sharp as they used to.

\- You're a werewolf, Sura rolled her eyes. - That attitude doesn't work on me.

Vilkas smiled. Those were the exact same words that that Sura used on J'Ziir. She was beginning to realize how to rule the men in her family. Vilkas was sure that as little girl she easily wrapped her father, J'Ziir and even Brynjolf around her little finger. Laughter bubbled in his chest but he kept it inside. Her eyes warned against it. Laughing right now would cost him the right answer. And he desperately wanted to hear it again.

\- Apparently not, he replied. With the same exact words that J'Ziir used.

Sura sighed. The atmosphere had been so romantic and perfect and then J'Ziir had somehow joined the conversation. Even when he wasn't here he had an affect on all of them. And suddenly Sura hoped that he hadn't left at all. That now, when she would accept Vilkas' proposal, he would be here. Would he even attend their wedding? Would he just walk away from her life? Not being able to accept that she married a Nord? No, Sura thought. J'Ziir cared for Lydia and she believed his strong suspicion was weakening.

\- You're thinking too hard again, Vilkas kissed her forehead.

\- I know, Sura admitted. - I shouldn't. Just tell me what I should say and I'll say it. It's easier that way.

\- Repeat after me then, Vilkas smiled and took her hands into his. - I love you.

\- I love you, Sura looked straight into his eyes.

\- I will spend the rest of my life by your side, Vilkas continued and Sura followed his lead by saying every word after him. Soon enough it was like they were talking in the same rhythm, like they knew these words by memory.

\- Whatever happens, Vilkas said. - We'll be together.

\- Yes, Sura nodded. - And I will be your wife, if you want me to.

They embraced each other in the bright light of the autumn day. The colored leaves fell from the trees and only the wind whispered around them. Some distance away to transparent figures stood and watched them. They were both smiling. And as the gentle breeze lifted the dried leaves in the air, the figures disappeared. Only the nightingale sang in the distance.

* * *

_A/N: This might cause a romantic overdose to some readers. :)_


	48. Dispensing justice

**48\. Dispensing justice  
**

It all began in a very weird way. First Ingun Black-Briar went missing. A week later she was found dead in the canal that flowed through Riften. Her throat was slit but she had no other wounds or cuts in her body. Nothing was stolen from her. And no one had seen anything. Few days later Sibbi Black-Briar was found dead in his prison cell. Every bone in his body was broken. He was smashed againts the stone wall with massive force and the impact had crushed his skull. The wall had several cracks and a few massive holes. And even when the prison was filled with guards, no one could identify the murderer.

Maven went berserk and Riften was closed of. The gates were shut tight and everyone who entered the city was searched. The Black-Briar mansion was now guarded by the city guard that the Jarl herself had appointed. The streets of Riften were filled with whispers and rumors. Everyone was amazed. Maven talked about revenge and terrible fate for those who dared to defy or threaten her and her family. Brynjolf felt the effects in the Guild. Everything was halted. No one was allowed to go in or out of the city. Mercer cursed their bad luck and offered his help to Maven. Only Brynjolf had a pretty idea who behind this madness.

_J'Ziir had returned._

But even he didn't know where that accursed Khajiit was hiding. And how the cat managed to walk in and out of the city without anyone knowing. Things went from bad to worse. After Sibbi's death, Hemming Black-Briar narrowly escaped death, or so everyone though. A sharp, poisoned ebony arrow struck the wall next to his head when he was sleeping in his own bedroom. When Brynjolf heard about it he knew it was not an accident. J'Ziir wasn't that careless. There was something else going on. As the days passed and nothing was solved, Brynjolf decided to confront Sura. If anyone knew where J'Ziir was, it had to be her. Leaving the city was not a problem for him. He had ran from Riften several times during his youth and climbing over the wall like a silent shadow caused no trouble for him.

The camp was still on the same place, not too far from the city, on the other side of the lake. Near the ruins of the old house. As Brynjolf strolled forward he heard a sudden noise from his left side. His instincs kicked in. A sharp dagger came whistling towards him and he barely managed to dodge it. The dagger struck the birch right next to his head. It drilled itself deep into the tree trunk. Brynjolf grabbed it and turned around. He was enraged.

\- What in Oblivion are you doing? he yelled. - Are you trying to kill me now as well? Ingun and Sibbi weren't enough? I'm not even a Black-Briar!

\- You might as well be, J'Ziir's soft voice answered. Brynjolf wasn't fooled by the tone. He heard how cold and icy it was. - From the way you're licking their boots. I never thought I'd see you crawl like that.

\- What did I ever do to you, lad? Brynjolf asked and hurled the dagger to the ground. - I did what you asked, didn't I?

\- You backed away, J'Ziir stepped out the forest. - And you thought that I didn't find out. Very foolish of you, "brother".

Brynjolf faced him. Was it possible that J'Ziir grew even colder? That there was nothing underneath those blue eyes of his? Nothing but revenge and death and agony. He had killed both Ingun and Sibbi and it seemed that it didn't affect him in any way. Cold blooded like the lizards he was destined to fight.

\- You were spying on me, Brynjolf crossed his arms. - You didn't trust me, did you?

\- Why should I? J'Ziir asked. - I told you to stay away from Lydia. And how did you respond?

\- I got your message, Brynjolf smirked. - Since that day I have not layed a hand on her.

\- Since that day? J'Ziir asked softly. - The day you kissed her?

\- Oh, you saw that, didn't you? Brynjolf's smile widened and for the first time he saw some emotions in J'Ziir's eyes. A quick flash of anger and jealously that disappeared as fast at it appeared. - I would apologize, but I think I did nothing wrong.

\- Do you think I don't know the games you play? J'Ziir grabbed his dagger from the ground and sheathed it. - You sleep with that Imperial thief of yours and at the same time you entertain a couple of other ladies in Riften as well. Where does Lydia fit in?

\- My my, lad, Brynjolf laughed. - You know more about my schedule than I do. Can you tell me when I'm supposed to meet my next...lady friend?

\- I'd be very careful if I were you, J'Ziir sneered. - Jokes aren't going to save you if you keep siding with those people.

\- What do you expect me to do? Brynjolf spread his arms. - You know what Maven Black-Briar is. She rules Riften.

\- She a human, easily killed, J'Ziir said calmly.

\- You already killed Ingun and Sibbi, Brynjolf tried to reason with him. - And that arrow you sent to Hemming nearly caused him to have a heart attack.

\- He is still breathing, isn't he? J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Not for long, though.

\- How did you manage to kill Sibbi like that? Brynjolf was curios. - Even you're not that strong. Breaking a stone wall into a fine dust...?

\- Being the Dragonborn has its uses, J'Ziir answered but didn't explain any further.

\- Why the Black-Briars? Brynjolf finally asked.

\- If you didn't stop half way, you'd know the answer, J'Ziir glared at him.

\- I know what they did, Brynjolf replied. - I didn't back away, J'Ziir. But when I found out that Maven was at least partly responsible for the death of our family...

\- My family, J'Ziir growled and grabbed him by the collar. - You were never part of it. Why act like you care when you obviously don't? Even now aren't you trying to save Maven Black-Briar and her last remaining offspring?

\- It's not that simple, Brynjolf pushed him away.

\- It is to me, J'Ziir said. - They were part of it. So they will die.

\- Maven is not powerless, Brynjolf explained. - Like you gained information, do you think she won't? And when she finds out that Raji and Lydia are close to Riften and somehow related to you...

\- They have the wolf, J'Ziir answered.

\- Oh, so you trust him now? Brynjolf felt insulted.

\- More than you, J'Ziir frowned. - And Raji is not weak. Lydia...well...she is what she is. I can't protect her.

\- You know, Brynjolf smiled. - She told me about that dream of hers. That you were there, watching her the whole night. It wasn't a dream, was it?

J'Ziir didn't answer but he cleared his throat and Brynjolf saw the the truth from his eyes. He burst out laughing. Poor boy, he thought. Head over heels but still deeply in denial. J'Ziir wasn't amused and Brynjolf's loud laughter annoyed him.

\- Leave Lydia out of this, J'Ziir ordered. - She is nothing to you but a plaything.

\- Is she any more than that to you then? Brynjolf confronted him. - She told me she loves you.

J'Ziir flinched. His tail began to swing and back and forth. That was the only sign that told Brynjolf that he was nervous. Love was something J'Ziir didn't understand. It was something he didn't want to face. Loving someone only meant that you were weak, that there were people who could be exploited and threatened. Loving someone was dangerous.

\- I heard it, J'Ziir said. - It means nothing to me.

\- So you don't love her back? Brynjolf grabbed his shoulder. - Then why do you care what I do with her?

\- I don't, J'Ziir pulled himself free. - Fine! Make her one of your sewer whores if you want. I know where my loaylties lie. With my family. And neither you or she is part of that.

\- Sewer whore? Brynjolf sighed and shook his head. - How nice of you to call her that. When she's done nothing but longed after you. When the only thing she sees is you.

Brynjolf wasn't sure did his words carry any weight. But Lydia was clearly a touchy subject to J'Ziir. And after seeing how she missed him, he at least felt obgilated to defend her and rectify any misunderstanding that J'Ziir might have. If J'Ziir would return to Lydia in this state, Brynjolf knew he would be party responsible. Of her heartache. And Lydia was a nice lady. Brynjolf respected his ladies.

\- She's delusional, J'Ziir finally managed to say. - She think she loves me. But it's only her duty to follow me. And she takes that too seriously. And maybe she even feels pity for me. And confuses that with...

\- Listen to yourself, lad! Brynjolf interrupted him. - Exuces one after another. Isn't it time for you to wake up and see what's in front of you?

\- I could say the same to you, J'Ziir smiled but once again his smile send shivers down Brynjof's spine. - It's time for you to make a choice. Be with me or againts me. And since you haven't exposed me thus far, you aren't as loyal to that family of yours as you pretent to be.

\- What are you going to do? Brynjolf frowned.

\- I won't bore you with the details, J'Ziir sneered. - But your precious Maven is running out of time. Very quickly. If I see you talking to her or to any of her henchmen, I assume you've chosen your side. And then...you and I share nothing. And when I kill you, you're just another Nord that met his fate in my hands.

\- How dramatic, Brynjolf rolled his eyes. - I'll be expecting that day. You won't get rid of me so easily, lad.

\- We'll see, J'Ziir glanced at him one last time. Then he turned and headed back to the forest. On the edge of treeline he stopped. His tail swung back and forth, back and forth, like he was concidering something. He took one step forward and stopped again. Then he finally faced Brynjolf. The Nord was curious to know what was this important.

\- If I were you, I wouldn't trust that Guild Master of yours, J'Ziir said.

\- What? Brynjolf was confused.

\- See, there's lot you don't know, J'Ziir chuckled. - But I'm giving you a chance, Brynjolf. One chance. It's up to you now to decide will we stay as brothers or shall we become enemies.

\- Would you really kill me in cold blood? Brynjolf asked.

\- Yes, J'Ziir didn't hesitate. - If you give me a reason, I will.

* * *

_A/N: Yey! The frozen cat has returned. Couldn't leave him out of the story for too long. And I hate Maven so in this story she gets what she deserves.  
_


	49. An unexpected encounter

**49\. An unexpected encounter**

Lydia was bored. They had stayed in the Rift for weeks now. J'Ziir was still missing. She wasn't sure should she go looking for him or stay with Sura and Vilkas. But she didn't know where he was now. Surely his journey to High Hrothgar had ended. But there was no guarentees where he went from there. He could be anywhere in Skyrim, with anyone. She missed J'Ziir. Despite everything, she missed him. And the tormenting thoughts of him being with several different women caused her endless misery.

It was late afternoon when she left the camp. She had began to practice with swords and with bows whenever she had the chance. The Dragonborn surely deserved the best housecarl he could get. She usually practiced for hours and hours. Until she was covered in sweat and gasping for air. But it was the only way to get rid of her confusing speculations. She was starting to feel that this demanding work paid off. Her hands became steadier. Her arms gained strenght. She was beginning to move faster and her strickes were exact and accurate. The first time she shot all ten arrows in he middle of the target she jumped out of joy and giggled by herself. But there was no one else laughing with her, no one shared her joy. And so she began to ignore her accomplishment. A week later she shot twenty arrows in the middle of the target and the distance was twice as long. But this time she didn't laugh. She didn't even smile.

This afternoon wasn't any different. She began with her sword and her shield. She wasn't motivated but kept going. She noticed that moving around surpressed her thoughts and made it easier to not think about J'Ziir. After couple of hours she grabbed her bow and arrow, measured the distance from her target and shot nearly forty arrows straight into the middle. Her hands never trembled. With each arrow she imagined sending away a small piece of her pain and her misery. And shooting them all straight into J'Ziir. She hoped he knew how miserable he made her feel.

The sun was beginning to set when she gathered her weapons. She wiped her forehead and face and felt the sweat trickle down her body underneath her armor. This clearing was was sheltered by large trees and it felt isolated even when it wasn't that far from their small camp. She grabbed the soft deep pelt she usually carried around with her and walked to the riverside. This had become her usual bathing spot and she always felt herself somehow secure in here. No one had ever stumbled upon her while she was bathing.

She removed her steel armor and stripped off the sweaty clothes underneath. When the wind brushed her body she got goosepumps all over. But the water was warm and felt good on her naked skin. She waded into the waves and dived beneath the surface. After few seconds she rose to the surface and wiped the wet hair of her face. Lydia enjoyed swimming. When she was underneath the surface, all the voices quieted down. The tormenting beat of her own heart, the desperate woman in love, the angry and worried housecarl, the enraged jealous old hag. The water was like a soft mattress around her that soothed her and calmed her down. She turned her face towards the sky, spread her arms and legs and allowed the water to carry her.

And then something sharp and painful grabbed her ankle and pulled her underneth. She didn't even have time to scream, it all happened too fast. The water around her became red and she tried her best to get rid of the attacker that constantly pulled and tore on her leg. As soon as she disappeared underneath the waves, a dark shadow dashed from the woods, ran quickly over the field and dove in to the water. A sharp dagger glimmered in the dying light of the sun and with one precise stricke the attacking slaughterfish was dead. And still its sharp jaws were squeezed around Lydia's ankle.

She broke the surface gasping for air. She couldn't see her savior, she was having enough difficulties with breathing. And now her left foot throbbed with pain and she cried out. The small rocks in the shore seemed to be so far away. She tried to swim forward but her leg was too torn up. It was still gushing blood and she was getting nauseated seeing how the river carried the red flood downstream. She felt how a pair of strong arms lifted her up and carried her to the shore. She was placed on a big rock, the soft deep belt was wrapped around her and then her savior knelt before her and began inspecting her leg. He pulled out the dead jaws of the fish and tossed it back to the river. She had never been so happy in her life. Even in this miserable state of hers she was so happy to see him. Her black fured savior, her very own Thane had returned to her.

\- Do you have any potions with you? J'Ziir asked. All Lydia could do was shake her head. - Of course not, what was I thinking. A silly woman like you...

He stood up, walked to the forests edge and came back with his knapsack. Few seconds later he gave her two large bottles and ordered her to drink them. She didn't dare to defy him and dutifully he chucked them both down. He watched as the large, bloody cuts in her ankle began to heal. And as the blood flow slowly died out, his beating heart also began to calm down.

\- What were you thinking? he glared at her. - Shouldn't you be prepared for something like this?

If she ever had any doubts that this was not her J'Ziir, those rude words and that angry look dispelled any suspicions. And now that her leg was no longer in pain she also began to think more clearly.

\- I can take care of myself, Lydia pulled her foot out of his hands.

\- Yes, like right now, J'Ziir sighed. - I can see that. If I hadn't been here, you'd be dead by now.

\- Why exactly are you here? Lydia asked. - Wait a minute...w...were you spying on me? Staring at me like some weird sick person while I bathed?

\- I was keeping watch, J'Ziir cleared his throat and stood up. - You're lucky this was the first time I had to help.

\- First time? Lydia stood up and the deep belt almost slid of her. She grabbed in the last second and squeezed it around her. - You mean...all this time...you've been watching me..?

\- It's not like there's lot to see, J'Ziir mumbled. - Put some clothes on.

He turned away from her and walked to the field which she used for practicing. He grabbed her bow and inspected it. Old, crappy, useless thing. He broke it in half and tossed the pieces away. He heard Lydia gasping behind him. From the way she stompped towards him, he knew she was furious.

\- My bow! she screamed. - What are you doing?

\- You don't need that worthless old thing, J'Ziir said. - Here, use this from now on, he handed her a beautiful elven bow. She blinked her eyes and wasn't quite sure how to take this unexpected gift.

\- Th..thank you, Lydia took the bow and tested it.

She was surprised how rigid the the spring was. But after a couple of tries she began to like this bow more and more. It was like custom made to fit in her hand and the first arrows she shot flew a perfectly accross the field. They hit the edges of the target and when she aimed again, J'Ziir lifted her hand slightly upwards and this time the arrows struck where it was meant to. She turned to him and smiled. Her hair was still damp but her face was bright and her eyes were clear. The green orbs were glowing with joy. She hadn't put on her armor and he could clearly see the shapes of her breasts underneath her thin shirt. J'Ziir swallowed and backed away. This was not the reason he came back. Lydia could not be his reason.

\- So, did you enjoy watching me naked? Lydia teased him. She was curious to know the answer. - It's not like you haven't seen me before. Do you remember something now? Or did you just need a reminder?

\- I wouldn't care even if you walked around naked all the time, J'Ziir said but he still wouldn't face her. - Speaking of which...I need you to distract someone for me.

\- Distract? Lydia asked. - And how am I supposed to do that?

\- Be a woman, J'Ziir finally turned to look at her. His eyes traveled down her body and when they reached her breasts, they stopped there. - Use your feminine charm. Like with Brynjolf.

\- You...saw that? Lydia stuttered. - I...he kissed me. And...yes...I...moment..arily returned his kiss...but...wait! Why do I need to defend myself to you? I don't own you any explanations. You left me behind, didn't you? Tell me, how many women did you conquer during this time?

\- Too many to keep count, J'Ziir replied and Lydia frowned. - While you "practiced" with Brynjolf.

\- He's is like ten men packed into one neat package, Lydia smiled.

\- And he smells like sewage, doesn't he? J'Ziir sneered. - Kissing him must have been memorable. Hope you didn't catch any weird sicknesses from him.

\- At least he didn't poison me, Lydia snapped back. - Unlike someone I know.

\- Wait, J'Ziir grasped her hand. - It affected you?

\- So what if it did? Lydia asked but didn't pull away. - If it caused me pain, would you care?

\- I...you seem to be fine now, J'Ziir said and released her hand. - Nothing serious then, I assume.

\- I could be dead and beheaded and you'd still say that it's nothing serious, right? Lydia sighed. - What am I expecting? Warmth from a man like you?

J'Ziir watched her. He felt strange, he wasn't sure what to say or think. Ever since he came back to Riften all he wanted to do was look at Lydia. That night when she was left alone in the camp, he spent the entire time next to her. Just watching. And trying to understand the reason why he was pulled to her, over and over again. He knew Lydia had feelings for him but he had done nothing to encourage those emotions. If anything he always tried to push her away the best he could. And he knew he should have pushed her away in during that night in Whiterun as well.

\- Who's this man you need distracted, my Thane? Lydia finally asked. - And what do you need me to do?

\- Like I said, use your...assets, J'Ziir glanced at her breasts. - His name is Maul. He's a big guy, a brainless brute. All you need to do is draw him away from his post for a few minutes. Just be careful.

\- Why? Lydia asked.

\- For your own sake, J'Ziir said. - He might get a little too excited if you show him too much.

\- I mean why do you need me to distract him? Lydia rolled her eyes.

\- Haven't you heard? J'Ziir asked. - The Black-Briar's. Sibbi and Ingun are dead. Hemming will soon be too. But Maven...she doesn't deserve a quick death.

\- You are behind this? Lydia touched his shoulder. - Don't you know that everyone in Riften is looking for you? How dangerous this is?

\- No one is looking for me, J'Ziir said. - Since they don't know the culprit.

\- But...if they find out, Lydia began to panick. - If they do...they will hunt you down...kill you...I...I can't let them do that. I won't...I...

\- Are you worried for me? J'Ziir was slightly amused. He had never seen Lydia like this. Her hands gripped his arm and he almost smiled.

\- Yes! Lydia yelled. - I mean...you're my Thane...I'm your housecarl..and my duty is to protect you. And if I don't know where you are, how can I carry out my duty?

\- Just do what I ask and everything will be fine, J'Ziir assured her.

\- But...she's a powerful woman, J'Ziir, Lydia pleaded. - Please, please don't do this.

\- You want me to fight dragons and be the hero of Skyrim, J'Ziir grinned. - And now you ask me not to kill one person? What is more dangerous, Lydia?

\- She is, Lydia said. - With dragons...you know how they react and you can almost predict their movements. They don't plot or conspire. But Maven Black-Briar...she's worse...

\- I don't care, J'Ziir answered. - She dies. With or without your help. With your help, it will be easier. Without it...I can manage.

\- I'll help, Lydia agreed and refused to let go of him. - I won't abandon you, J'Ziir.

Those words sunk deep. For the first time in his life there was actually someone who stood by him. Suddenly he had the weirdest urge to pull Lydia into his arms and kiss her. He was usually able to resist such sudden impulses and he believed this time would be no different. But then his brain refused to listen to him. Instead his frozen heart burst into life and took control. He saw Brynjolf pull Lydia closer and lean in. And he remembered his own powerless rage.

_Regain control! _small voice shouted somewhere inside his head but something else, something more compelling forced him into action. He saw Lydia's eyes widen as he scooped her into his arms. She didn't even have time to breath when the sudden storm of passion, affection, anger, jealousy and fury swept her of her feet. His lips conguered hers, demanding, suffocating and hard. She didn't think, her body responded on its own and she practically melted in his arms. Her hands cupped his face and gently she softened the kiss, accepted his furious assault and pressed herself deeper into his embrace.

He lost himself into her. J'Ziir hadn't thought that having her here, in his arms could be this perfect. During this silent moment everything in him was in complete balance His revenge felt so meaningless compared to this moment. Being the Dragonborn and saving Skyrim was nothing without this woman by his side.

\- J'Ziir, Lydia whispered against his lips. - You came back to me. You did...

\- I came back, he said. He couldn't say more and Lydia's lips captured his once more. Silently he thanked her for not demanding any more than this from him.


	50. Best laid plans

**50\. Best laid plans**

As Maven Black-Briar's last child died, Riften went crazy. Hemming was found in the corridors of the Ratway. His eyeballs were eaten by the skeevers. He was killed by a single, poisoned ebony arrow that was aimed straight at his heart. Brynjolf knew everything but kept quiet. He was still considering his options. And at the same time he silently began to dug the past. Mercer's past. The search for the killer went on for days and ended a couple of weeks later without any results.

Maven threatened everyone. With the Imperials, with the Thieves Guild, even with the Dark Brotherhood. She held Riften in her iron grip and squeezed tighter every day. As Lydia entered the city few days later, she knew everyone was watching her. She was trying her best to look normal and not draw any attention to herself but despite of that the city guards called her in for guestioning. J'Ziir had warned her that it would happen and he had provided her with answers. Lydia memorized them all. And as the guards asked their guestions she didn't slip even once. Eventually she was released and considered to be a harmless sellsword looking for potential job opportunities. Exactly as J'Ziir had predicted.

As she walked towards the Bee and the Barb, she noticed the Nord J'Ziir mentioned. A big brute of man, wearing a steel armor and looking at her menacingly. Not exactly the friendliest of people, Lydia gathered but flashed a radiant smile towards him. She knew the time wasn't right but that didn't stop her from softening her prey. It might be easier later on if she began right away. She didn't stop to see if Maul reacted in any way but that was part of her stragery. Push and pull. A little hint there and a seductive smile here. This was the first time she tried to be confident and attractive for someone and she was having a surprisingly good time.

She booked a room from the Inn and settled down. J'Ziir told her to stay within the city for at least a week so that people would get accustomed to her presence. So when Maven would disappear, she wouldn't be the first suspect. She took her armor of and put on a comfortable cotton dress. Then she brushed her hair and walked downstairs to have some dinner. When she sat down she noticed Maul in the other side of the room. And this time he wasn't glaring at her but watching her. Lydia regognized that look as any woman would. It was a stare of man who showed interest.

She ignored him and ordered some food. J'Ziir had given her plenty of gold so spending some wasn't a problem. So far she was having a good time and she kept smiling. After three bottles of ale, the Argonian Innkeeper placed a small note in front of her. At first she thought it was from Maul and was happy that she was making progress so fast.

_"Stop drinking so much. You're attracting unwanted attention!"_

J'Ziir had written the note quickly and she was barely able to read his handwriting. She glanced around but knew she couldn't spot him. His Thane was master at disguising himself. Lydia crumbled the note, paid her food and walked back upstairs. She wasn't exactly sure how to proceed.

No one disturbed her during the night. The following days passed by calmly. She knew the exact time when she was supposed to "distract" Maul. But she was still considering the perfect method. Going in too strong would cause suspicion. But watching from the sidelines wouldn't help either. And she certainly didn't want to excite the man too much, that would cause troubles and they might get caught. She didn't know how J'Ziir planned to grab Maven and get out of the city with her unconcious body but the Khajiit was cunning. Lydia knew he had a plan and if she played her part, everything should go smoothly.

She met Brynjolf on the Market a couple of days before the trap was about to go of. He was stading there in fine clothes and selling some strange liquid. He noticed her but didn't greet her. Lydia understood the reasons. The guards were looking for anything out of the place. And if she and Brynjolf suddenly began to chat away like old friends, that wouldn't remain unnoticed. She joined the small crowd that was listening to him and suddenly she felt how a big hand press against her back. She didn't turn but saw from the corner of her eye that it was indeed the Nord that she was meant to distract. Relax, she told herself even when heavy hand travelled up her back and then down again. She almost swung around and slapped him in his face. But that would have ruined everything so she remained calm. When Brynjolf finished his speech, Lydia was finally faced to faced with her target. She felt disgusted but forced a smile on her face.

They began an akward conversation and Lydia did her best to pretend that she was interested. She tried to listen to what he said and paid special attention to his eyes. Where they wandered. Her "assets" were thoroughly inspected and she kept her composure. Cold shivers ran down her spine. She was already having a bad feeling about this. Seducing this man momentarily wouldn't be that easy. If she wasn't careful, she might end up in a very bad situation. And if that would ruin J'Ziir's plan..._no_! She thought. I will go throught this like we agreed. And I will make sure that he doesn't touch where he is not allowed to touch.

She was able to get rid of Maul before the night closed in. When she walked back to her room, Brynjolf sitting on the edge of the small table. He told her to close the door and listen to him.

\- I don't know about his plan, but don't go along with it, Brynjolf whispered.

\- Shouldn't you be on his side? Lydia hissed back at him. - You two are family.

\- I am on his side, Brynjolf continued. - And I'm trying my best to prevent a disaster. Maven knows. She's prepared. She is sending her men outside of Riften and plans to use Raji and that man of hers as hostages.

\- How do you know this? Lydia asked.

\- Doesn't matter, Brynjolf said. - If you can contact J'Ziir, just tell him to back of and keep Raji safe. And that ridiculous seduce act against Maul isn't going to work. He is not that stupid.

\- I don't know where J'Ziir is, Lydia panicked.

\- Well, lass, Brynjolf walked to the door. - I tried my best. I can't do any more than this.

\- And if he doesn't back of, are you going to interfere? Lydia demanded to know.

\- I need to think of my family, Brynjolf replied. He left the room as silently as he arrived. Lydia wasn't sure which family he meant. But she was beginning to worry more and more. She paced back and forth inside her small room and then her patience ran out. She walked out of the door and was determined to find J'Ziir. The Argonian Innkeeper stopped her at the stairs and handed a note to her.

_"Brynjolf is right. Maven sent people. It was to be expected. But Raji is safe with the wolf. We stick to the plan! Tomorrow."_

His words calmed her down. She took the note and walked back to her room. She knew that above everything else J'Ziir wanted to keep Sura safe. And apparently he though about everything. She trusted him and knew that Maven Black-Briar wouldn't be able to get her hands on Sura and Vilkas. But if she knows everything, Lydia thought. Doesn't she also know that I'm J'Ziir housecarl? She looked at the note. No mention of that. Maybe everything wasn't lost yet.

Lydia didn't really sleep that night. She tossed and turned in her bed and waited. She was almost sure that she was exposed. That at any moment a bunch of guards would burst through the door and drag her to the prison. But as the morning came, she was eating breakfast at the Inn and no one bothered her. She did her best to hide her nervousness but her stomach was filled with butterflies and her hands were trembling. The day passed incredibly slowly. She walked to the Market and Brynjolf was there again. This time he didn't even look at her and Lydia passed him without a glance. She walked away from the Market and stopped at the Temple of Mara. _Divines, _she whispered. _Please help me. Keep him safe. _

When the sun finally began to set, Lydia's heart was beating way too fast. But like they agreed, she walked back to the Inn and up to her room. There she removed her armor, wore a revealing dress that showed a little too much of her cleavage and tied her hair up so that the beautiful curve of her neck was exposed. She pinched her cheek and washed her face. Then she took a deep breath and left her room. If everything went according to their plan, she would be back here in less than half an hour. Then she would have time to change her clothes, grab her things and leave the city. At midnight she would meet J'Ziir at the ruins of the old house.

She walked downstairs and felt the eyes of every man rest upon her curves. She didn't care. None of these men were her target. As she left the Inn, Riften was covered in darkness. Only few dim lights were lit and a thick fog drifted from lake. The mist fit the plan perfectly. But it was so sudden, she had never seen anything like it before. She straightened her back and was ready to begin. A few guards walked by her when she headed towards the Black-Briar Manor. Despite the mist she immediately recognized Maul's massive figure. He was standing in front of the main door and when he saw her, cruel smile rose upon his face.

\- You're finally here, he said. - And dressed for the occasion as well. I didn't think you'd be this brave, but the cat told me you'd play your part.

His words confused Lydia. The cat? Was he talking about J'Ziir? And if so, how did he know about their plan? The brute in front of her smiled and Lydia didn't know was she relieved or horrified to know that this man apparently wasn't her target. But if it wasn't him...then who was it?

\- Oh, he forgot to mention few details, didn't he? Maul cackled. - I'm just supposed to lead you to the right person.

Lydia heard a metallic creak behind her. A small, iron gate was opened and J'Ziir's familiar figure appeared from the fog. His steps were silent but he moved fast. He didn't seem nervous at all. He even had time to stop and admire her, flash her a quick, cocky smile and then he turned to Maul. This is a game to him, Lydia's anger began to rise. That bastard had Maul in his pocket already.

\- What is going on? Lydia tucked his sleeve. - Why didn't you tell me...?

\- We'll talk later, J'Ziir pressed his finger on her lips. - Now, are you ready to play your part, housecarl?

\- I thought I was, Lydia grit her teeth.

\- Yes, you were trying so hard to seduce me the whole week, Maul grinned. - I almost thought it was genuine. And it was kind of flattering.

\- Let's get this over with, Lydia cursed. - Who's the man I need to "distract"?

\- His name is Mercer Frey, J'Ziir explained. - He's the Guild Master of the thieves. He's very distrustful and suspicious. Very dangerous as well. Right now he's in the Manor. Why he is there and what's his connection Maven, I'll explain that later. Right now I need to get past him. I only need ten, fifteen minutes. You think you can keep him focused on you for that long?

\- If I can capture your attention, I think I can handle this, Lydia nodded. - Just tell me where this man is.

\- No need for that, Brynjolf suddenly appeared from the fog. J'Ziir mapped out his plans meticulously and he expected Brynjolf to appear at some point. If the Nord decided to step on his way, he wouldn't hesitate to take him out.

\- What do you mean? Lydia asked.

\- Mercer is back at the Guild, Brynjolf said and looked at J'Ziir. - I called him out there. Said there was an emergency. He won't be fooled for long. You only have little time, lad. Make the most of it.

J'Ziir nodded. Then he turned to Lydia. - Go with Brynjolf. He will take you to Raji.

\- What about you? Lydia grabbed his hand.

\- I need to take care of this, J'Ziir said and before he disappeared into the darkness, he turned to her. - Just go, Lydia. Wait for me at the ruins. At midnight.


	51. Meeting at midnight

**51\. Meeting at midnight**

Sura stood at the shore. She had done what J'Ziir asked. Riften was enveloped in fog. The spell she used wasn't that hard but she needed time for it. Crafting a mist that was big enough to cover the whole city required patience and concentration. Vilkas stood by her and kept watch. They both knew Maven Black-Briar's men were on their way. But Sura wasn't worried about that. She was more concerned about Lydia and her brother.

J'Ziir had returned sooner than she expected. And as the killings began, she didn't have to guess who was behind all that. Her mother's journal had provided the answers for her. J'Ziir was beginning to put his plans into action. And so far, Sura wasn't going to interfere. But she would if at some point either Lydia or J'Ziir himself were in serious danger. Few days ago she visited the ruins of the their old home. And noticed that something had changed. There was a hole in the ground, not far from their parents graves. Someone had been digging there.

_"I hid the blade."_

That certain someone was no one else but J'Ziir. She had both pieces of the Eye but J'Ziir saw different things. Riddles that were meant for him. And he could solve them without the Eye. Because his purpose was different. Sura believed that Namada had shown her son where she hid her bloody blade. The same blade she once used to exact her own revenge. Now she passed the blade to her son.

\- Do you hear them? Sura asked Vilkas. - Are they coming?

\- No, I hear nothing, Vilkas shook his head. - The city is so quiet. That's not a good sign.

\- What if something happens to them? Sura looked at Vilkas.

\- Then we go and get them, Vilkas assured her. - But I think your brother knows what he is doing.

\- We won't leave them behind, Sura nodded.

\- Aren't we family? Vilkas asked her and Sura smiled to him.

Yes, they were all family now. She and J'Ziir. And Vilkas was about to join them. And Sura knew that sooner or later Lydia would be part of that family as well. No matter how hard those two denied their mutual affection. The only thing that worried her was Brynjolf. She didn't know what he was thinking. The Guild was important to him. And he had been part of it for years. He considered them his family now. Sura worried that Brynjolf might change his mind and act againts them. In that case Brynjolf's fate would be sealed. And Sura didn't want to lose him. Little by little she managed to piece her family together and now she wanted to hold on to them. And the worst thing would be if her brothers, both dear and important to her, started a war of their own.

\- Someone's coming, Vilkas whispered. He pulled out his sword and stood between Sura and the unknown enemy who was running towards them. Everything grew quiet. And then Sura also heard footsteps coming towards them. She was able to deduce that it was only one or two people heading their way. And she couldn't imagine that Maven would settle for such a small amount. Brynjolf and Lydia appeared out of the darkness. Vilkas lowered his sword but didn't relax completely. Whatever Sura and J'Ziir said, he didn't trust the thief. Men like him had very little honor and Vilkas believed that at any moment the red headed Nord could turn against them. It was very possible that he danced to Maven's tune. Acting like he helped them but leading them into a trap. Vilkas decided to keep his eyes on the thief.

\- What happened? Sura asked Lydia. - Where's J'Ziir?

\- Still in Riften, Lydia panted after the long run. - He told to me leave and meet him at the old ruins at midnight.

\- That's what he told us as well, Sura said. The she turned to Brynjolf. - And you? What's your part in this?

\- I'm still wondering that myself, Brynjolf smirked. - But at least I brought Lydia here and not somewhere else. Doesn't that prove something?

\- Why would you help J'Ziir kidnap Maven? Lydia asked. - Isn't the the patron of your Guild? The "ruler" of Riften?

\- I cleared his path but that doesn't mean he's going to succeed, Brynjolf said. - He just has to rely on himself now.

\- He will, Sura said. - I'm sure of it.

\- What's he going to do to her? Vilkas looked at Lydia and Sura.

\- Isn't it obvious? Lydia frowned. - He killed all of Maven's children. But she is his main target. I doubt he's going to keep her alive for long. The guestion is...are we going allow it? Now that we know?

\- And how are we supposed to stop him exactly? Vilkas asked. - We agreed to help. We knew his intentions.

\- If he doesn't let Maven go, Lydia pleaded. - Everyone will turn against him! And then we are all doomed. We can't fight againts the whole city.

\- Lydia, Sura took her hands into her own. - You need to understand something. No one can change his mind. He is set on his path. All we can do is help him. And...I agree with him. Someone has to pay. For what happened. And if this is the only way, if the laws of Skyrim can't touch these people, then...I won't stand in his way. But I will stand by his side.

\- You know I will too, Lydia stated. - But...

\- I know you are worried, Sura smiled. - He knows it too. And that's why he'll be careful.

\- We better move, Vilkas glanced at Brynjolf. - Are you coming with us or not?

\- I have other things to take care of, he grinned but it wasn't a friendly smile. - Keep my sisters safe, wolf.

Then he turned and disappeared back into the darkness. Vilkas looked back at Sura and Lydia. Sisters? he thought. Well, Sura was his sister, kind of. But Lydia? Wasn't this the same man who made advances towards her? And now he called her sister? Well, if J'Ziir married Lydia, then she would be...his sister-in-law...but that wasn't about to happen, was it? What a weird man, Vilkas shook his head.

They stripped the camp, gathered their things and left the shore as soon as they were ready. Vilkas lead them and walked Abaccus, Sura and Lydia followed him. They arrived at the ruins half an hour later. And when they got there, J'Ziir was sitting on a big rock, waiting for them. Lydia dropped her things and ran up to him but he mostly ignored her. She didn't mind, it was enough to know that he was here and safe.

\- Maven Black-Briar? Vilkas asked him when they stood face to face.

\- Alive, J'Ziir answered. - And in a safe place. But she won't have much time.

\- How did you get out Riften? Sura asked.

\- I've made some allies, J'Ziir replied. - I don't trust Brynjolf. He is not the only pair of eyes I have in Riften.

\- Are you talking about that "target" of yours? Lydia scoffed. - You could have told me so I didn't have to waste my energy on him.

\- It was important that the people of Riften believed you were attracted to Maul, J'Ziir explained and Lydia shivered. - You are the reason he was not on his post tonight. That's what he will tell to the guards and later you will tell them the exact same thing. And there a many people in Riften who saw the interaction between you two. And the way you were dressed tonight.

\- How thoughtful of you, Lydia pouted. - To give me the part of an insignificant, loose, immoral woman.

\- If not you, who then? J'Ziir asked. - Raji? They don't let Khajiit's into the city.

\- You said you made some allies, Lydia frowned. - There must be some women among them.

\- No Nords, J'Ziir responded and Lydia sulked.

\- What's going to happen now? Sura asked. - Did anyone see you?

\- Just Maul and Brynjolf, J'Ziir explained. - And I gave Maul enough gold to keep him quiet for several years. If he won't, he knows what's waiting for him. But as soon as people notice that Maven is gone, Riften will go insane. And because of that, you and the wolf need to leave.

\- No, Sura shook her head. - We're staying.

\- This will be easier for me if I know you're not in danger, J'Ziir pulled Sura aside and lowered his voice. - Could you listen to me for just this once?

\- I'm sorry, Sura refused. - I won't leave you alone. I can help, I've told you before. They were my parents as well. My family. And if I left you now, I would regret it for the rest of my days. And besides...Vilkas and I are getting married.

\- Yes, I heard about that, J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - How romantic. And how appropriate to bring that up right now.

\- That means that he is part of your family as well, Sura nudged him. - And you need to trust him. I'm safe with him.

\- I trust you, J'Ziir wasn't happy. - But him...

\- Look, you can't be here all the time looking out for me, Sura said. - And I don't need you to. So, do your thing but don't ask me to leave.

\- Fine, J'Ziir glared at Vilkas. - But he's dead if he something happens to you.

\- Just look after yourself and save the threaths to your real enemies, Sura reached around her neck and handed the other part of the necklace to J'Ziir. - Here, you might need this now.

He took the other part of the Eye and placed it back on his neck. Calmness wrapped around his heart and he saw everything clear and perfect. He was not nervous. Everything had gone exactly as he planned. Kidnapping Maven was almost too easy. He knew what he was waiting for and what was supposed to happen next. He glanced at the forests edge and nodded. She was in position. And Brynjolf should be here soon.

\- By the way, Sura interrupted his thoughts. - Where you did put Maven?

\- You might have noticed that I changed the lock, J'Ziir answered.

\- Mother's hideout? Sura's eyes widened. - How did you know about it?

\- She showed me, J'Ziir replied. - And told me to use the hook.


	52. Servants of the shadows

**52\. Servants of the shadows**

In the sewers under Riften two men were getting ready to leave. Brynjolf had informed the Guild Master that the Khajiit had left the city with Maven, exactly like they planned. He had explained the plan to Maven and told her that she shouldn't resist too much. Just enough so it was credible. Mercer and Maul wouldn't be on their posts. Brynjolf had assured Maven that it was all part of the plan and that he would take care of the rest. They would follow him. Ambush him. Take care of him and his allies. And finally they would be able to get their hand on the old contracts and the riches that the Guild lacked. Those were the things that Maven and Mercer had been looking for years. And now they were so close. Maven just needed to play her part and Brynjolf and Mercer would take care of the rest.

\- You're sure you know where that cat is? Mercer asked his right hand man.

\- They used to have a house near Riften, Brynjold nodded. - It's burned down now, only ruins remain. That's where we will find them.

\- Inform the others, Mercer ordered. - I want everyone on this. Have you notified the guards?

\- Sure I have, Brynjolf smiled. - Aura will lead them and the rest of the Guild to the right place. Don't you trust me?

\- I don't trust anyone, Mercer sneered.

Brynjolf chuckled. Mercer's attitude didn't surprise him. He was a very careful man, very dangerous and very distrustful. It was obvious he only relied on himself. But he had been a rather steady leader for the Guild for all these years. Despite all his faults. Brynjolf paid attention to the rumors he heard. He didn't believe eveything but he was almost always able to peel away the empty layers and find the truth behind. And ever since he began digging into Mercer's concealed past, he banged his head into countless walls, over and over again. But he knew how to be careful and not draw attention to himself. To the best of his knowledge, Mercer didn't know about his private research. He checked his daggers, grabbed a few potions and he was ready to leave. But he still had to talk to Aura. She was an important piece in this puzzle and much depended on her. He saw her enter the Cistern and waved her. The Imperial nodded, she rarely smiled and walked up to them.

\- You know where you're headed? Mercer asked.

\- I know, she replied. - To the old ruins. Not a problem.

\- Remember what I told you, lass, Brynjolf looked at her. - All depends on you. You can't fail.

\- I won't, Aura said and stared Brynjolf straight in the eyes. - I'll do my part. You just worry about yourself.

\- You follow orders! Mercer frowned. - Is that clear?

\- Sure thing, boss, Aura agreed but her eyes never left Brynjolf's.

After few minutes the two men left the Ratway and headed out the the city. The night was dark and the fog began to dissipate. Riften could once again be seen from the lake and as Brynjolf glanced back, he knew the city and its fate had changed for good. He didn't know what would happen. He had made his decicion and he could only hope that it was the right one. He loved Riften in a weird, curios way. He cared for its people how ever sinful or cold they were. He wished that J'Ziir's personal thirst of revenge wouldn't bring Riften down. He dared to hope that it would actually lead to better days.

\- Where's the house? Mercer asked as they ran through the forest. - And who's the cat exactly? Fill me in before we get there.

\- The house is not far, Brynjolf began. - And the cat is...an old acquaintance who chose the wrong side. As far as I know he prefers to work alone.

\- And that woman who was sent to fool Maul? What happened to her?

\- She's dead, Brynjolf lied. - Maul wasn't fooled. Her body was ditched to Lake Honrich.

\- Are you sure he won't kill Maven before we get there? Mercer continued.

\- Ingun lived for a week before her death, Brynjolf said. - I'm sure he wants to make Maven suffer. No quick death for her.

\- When will the guards and the others join us?

\- Very soon, Brynjolf assured him. - Aura knows what to do.

\- She better, Mercer grunted.

The night closed around them. Like two silent shadows they circled Lake Honrich. Brynjolf controlled himself and hid his nervousness when they arrived to the small camp site that was now stripped and apandoned. He was worried that Mercer might notice something but the man barely looked at the place. Without stopping the continued on until they arrived the to remains of the old house. It was eerily quiet and no one was around. The silhouette of the chimney still stood but it was now a bit crooked. It pointed towards the sky like a lone finger. A silent wind whisked around and tossed the dead leaves but other than that everything was shrouded in silence. Brynjolf began to feel that he was double crossed. J'Ziir had told him the wrong place. Mercer wasn't fooled for long. He would suspect something and then it wouldn't take for him to put all the pieces together. And when it came to betrayal, Mercer wasn't know for his grace. Brynjolf had witnessed that couple of times himself. He knew he was more skilled that those few poor bastards that tried to stab the man in the back but he had no illusions. At best he might last a little longer but it would end badly for him.

Time marched slowly by and then Brynjolf noticed movement at the edge of the forest. The calm, black furred Khajiit walked into the view. He was alone and it seemed like nothing could disturb him. There was no fear, no nervousness, no concern in his eyes. They were emotioneless and for the first time Brynjolf understood how different he was from a human. J'Ziir's heritage as a Khajiit gave him advantages that Brynjolf as human didn't have. Nightvision, sharp claws, silent moves, predatory features. How different we are, Brynjolf thought. Brynjolf was usually was able to tell his moods pretty accurately by looking at the movements of his tail. But now that long, muscular appendage was completely still. He felt strange, like he wanted to shout to J'Ziir, tell him that he wasn't in this alone. But then he realized how ridicilous that would have been at this current moment, so he kept his mouth shut.

\- It's over, cat! Mercer began. - We know who you are. We know what you did. You're surrounded. There is no way out of this. Except death.

J'Ziir smiled and took a few steps towards them. The shadows swallowed him for a while. And when he appeared again he was almost right in front of them. Mercer reached out his sword but J'Ziir lifted his hand.

\- Not so fast, he grinned. - You attack me and Maven dies. Patience. You know who I am? That's good. But does your little friend know who you really are? And what you did twenty five years ago?

Mercer winced and his lips curled. She showed his teeth and growled like he suddenly became a ferious beast that was after blood. Brynjolf glanced at him. He had tried his best to find out what happened all those years ago. But if Mercer was responsible, he had covered his tracks way too carefully. J'Ziir only had a hunch and Brynjolf put all his trust into that small, weak fate he had in his brother. When the Guild Master reacted like this Brynjolf became more and more suspicious.

\- I don't know what you mean, Mercer scowled.

\- Sure you do, J'Ziir seemed awfully amused. - Does the names Namada, Gallus and Karliah ring a bell? The Nightingales? Nocturnal? Skeleton key? Any of that?

Mercer didn't waste time. He pulled out his sword and launched towards J'Ziir. He was fast and competent but over and over again his sword only swung through the ari. Brynjolf watched. And as the darkness once again hid his brother, he glanced at the moons. Aura and the others were on their way. But only hours later he would know had they found what they were looking for. The prize that J'Ziir promised him for luring Mercer here. The Eye of the Falmer. And all the stolen assests that the Guild Master had hidden. From places J'Ziir had discovered.

\- Where did he go? Mercer raged. - Come out and face me, you coward!

\- Patience, J'Ziir voice answered from the darkness. - Let's bring everything out in the open, shall we?

\- You just wait till the rest of us get here! Mercer threatened. - The people of Riften will rip you to pieces for what you've done.

\- Somehow I doubt that, J'Ziir laughed and his voice echoed from the ruins of the old house. - When your lackeys find out what you did, you're the one getting ripped apart.

\- Brynjolf! Where is that bastard hiding? Mercer rampaged. - He thinks he's so clever. Circle around, we'll try to ambush him.

Brynjolf nodded. He pulled out his daggers, crouched down and began to crawl towards the house. When Mercer vanished behind the corner, J'Ziir appeared in front of him. They didn't communicate but they had already planned their strategy. He sneered and signaled for him to move forward. Brynjolf took out the poison bottle that J'Ziir gave him. He poured it on his dagger and hoped it would slow Mercer down long enough. If this didn't work and Mercer was able to escape the Guild would be in for very difficult time. He still had the Skeleton Key.

J'Ziir climbed on of the few rotten roof beams that were still standing. As Brynjolf glanced up, he was barely able to see him. He wasn't wearing his metal armor. His whole body was covered by a black leather cuirass that made his almost invisible. The light of the moons didn't reveal him. And his movements were so fluid and smooth that he melted into his enviroment. Like a silent predator he moved forward. Brynjolf took a deep breath. This was it. As he came out of the other side of the burned ruins he spotted Mercer almost right in front of him. His long, dwarven sword gleamed dimly. His signature weapon, sharp and enchanted. Mercer waved at him and he shook his head. No sign of their prey. The Guild Master lowered his sword and sneaked to him. He switched the dagger from one hand to the other, took two quick steps and faster than the eye could see, he swung it upwards. In the last second Mercer moved. The dagger brushed his leg but it was sharp enough to cut through his armor and slash a long wound on his left leg.

\- You traitorous bastard! Mercer cursed and took a step back. His eyes became narrow slits, he turned towards him and attacked. Brynjolf was good but he only had his daggers. The affect of the poison was slow and the thief was concerned that he might not be able to hold on for long enough. - You lured me here, didn't you? Didn't you?

Brynjolf backed away. He glanced towards the house and saw nothing. He wasn't sure was J'Ziir still there or not but he desperately needed his help. J'Ziir didn't trust him. Even now, his brother didn't trust him. For the first time after Azirr and Namada had died, he felt completely apandoned. His mood affected him and made him weaker. Mercer saw his opportunity and smacked him in the head. He saw stars and fell down on his back. He felt something warm and wet on his forehead. Mercer's dark shape loomed over him and the Guild Master grinned.

\- I've taken care of others like you, Mercer smirked. - You've seen what I do. And you should have learnt. But you're too soft, Brynjolf.

He lifted his sword and was about to stricke it down when J'Ziir's black shadow bounced on him. The Khajiit grabbed him from behind and before he could even react a sharp dagger was pressed against his throat. J'Ziir laughed quietly.

\- And you are too obvious, J'Ziir hissed.

Brynjolf coughed and stood up. He wiped the blood away from his forehead, grabbed his dagger from the ground and nodded to J'Ziir. - Thanks, lad.

\- What do you want from me, cat? Mercer wheezed out. J'Ziir's arm pressed hard against his throat and he was having difficulties to breath.

\- The truth, J'Ziir said.

\- What truth? Mercer laughed. He was pinned down by strong muscles but he managed to slip out a blade that was hidden in the sleeve of his armor. He was never unprepared. He pulled it out and stabbed J'Ziir into his arm and when the Khajiit was forced to let go, he grabbed his Dwarven sword and ran. He headed towards the forest but didn't get too far when a sharp arrow flew from the woods him and struck on his injured leg. He fell down, cursed and wailed and his screams echoed through the field. Brynjolf frowned and grabbed J'Ziir's hand. The wound wasn't deep and it definitely didn't slow him down. Calmly he walked to the man who was now laying on the ground. He saw Lydia's shadow in behind the trees. _Good shot, housecarl_, he thought and smiled.

\- Ready for more? J'Ziir asked Mercer. - Either you tell the truth or something way worse is going to happen to you.

\- The truth, Mercer cackled. - If only I knew what are you talking about.

\- Maybe you're wrong, lad, Brynjolf was beginning to doubt.

\- I'm never wrong, J'Ziir stated and grabbed Mercer by the collar. - We can do this the hard or the easy way. Which ever you choose is up to you.

\- I always choose the hard way! Mercer smiled. He reached out his sword and as quick as a snake, he grabbed it and rammed it right through J'Ziir's abdomen.

Suddenly the whole clearing was filled with light. The night was gone. The shadows were gone. It was a clear summer day. J'Ziir saw his father standing there. Right in front of him. His smile was warm and comforting. And then a huge bleeding slash appeared into his stomach. He fell to his knees and began coughing blood. "_No, pa!_" he yelled in his mind. "_Don't do this for my sake!_" J'Ziir heard Lydia scream but he couldn't see anything else. The light was too bright. After few minutes he noticed it came from his part of the Eye. He didn't feel pain but he tasted the metallic flavor of blood in his mouth. He felt Brynjolf's hands when he pulled him further, hurried footsteps, Lydia's voice, Raji's voice, both worried and terrified. He wanted to tell them he wasn't hurt and they shouldn't worry about him. "_It's pa! Help him!_"

As Sura knelt down next to her brother, the first thing she saw the the huge amount of blood that covered his stomach. Lydia was right next to her and she told her to get as many health potions as she could. She poured out the content of the knapsack, her hands were trembling when she reached out the red vials. Sura pressed her own hands on J'Ziir stomach and casted the most powerful restoration spells she knew. After a while she noticed that her help wasn't that necessary. And as Lydia gently poured the potion into J'Ziir mouth, Sura pulled her hands away. His part of the Eye was doing all the work. She thought that only when the Eye was united it had this kind of power. But now J'Ziir had almost died. And the Eye burst into life.

_"I can't control it. The Eye does what it wants." _Sura remembered her mother's words. The gabing hole in his stomach began to heal. She wasn't sure did it happen because of the health potions that Lydia poured into his mouth or because of the pulsating, glowing necklace on his neck. Maybe it was both. She glanced behind and saw Brynjolf and Vilkas standing around Mercer. The poison had finally kicked in and he was barely able to move.

\- Lydia, stop! J'Ziir mumbled and pushed her hand away. - I'm fine.

\- Fine!? Fine? You almost died! Lydia was on the werge of tears.

\- But I'm not dead, J'Ziir stood up, grimaced and held his stomach. - But he is.

\- Or he soon will be, Vilkas said. - It won't take long now with that poison. It spreads pretty fast.

\- He will last long enough, J'Ziir groaned. - To meet the person who wants to finish him off.

He turned to the forest and nodded. A small, dark shadow walked from the woods to the clearing. She wore a black leather armor, a cape and and a mask. Sura regognized the mask, it was the same one she had seen hidden in her mother's desk. The woman stopped next to J'Ziir and pulled out her bow.

\- Mercer, she said with a soft, quiet voice. - I'm sure you remember me. Long time no see.

\- Kar...Karliah? Mercer mumbled. - No...can't be.

\- It's me, she said. - And this the end for you.

She took out an arrow, which was sharp and pointy. Then she pulled out a small vial and dipped the arrow inside it. She didn't say a word as she aimed the arrow at him. Her face was covered by the mask so no one could see her face. But Sura felt that she was both relieved and sad at this moment.

\- This is for Gallus, she whispered as she released the arrow.

A loud thud and the arrow reached its goal. It pierced Mercer's right eye and drilled deep into his skull. The clearing grew quiet. And as Mercer's left eye grew dim and lifeless, the woman in black almost fell to her knees. J'Ziir grabbed her by the arm and she turned to him and embraced him.

\- Thank you, she whispered.

* * *

_A/N: Mercer down. Maven is next. And after that...happy times with a wedding :)!  
_


	53. Where my loyalties lie

**53\. Where my loyalties lie?**

\- Show me the proof, Brynjolf held out his hand. - Like you didn't trust me, I don't trust you. The proof. Now.

\- What makes you think I didn't trust you? J'Ziir asked him.

\- You never trusted me, Brynjolf frowned. - With your housecarl, with this. With anything. Didn't you try to kill me already?

\- Did I? J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - It was more like a subtle warning. To keep you on your toes. And on the right path.

\- Sure it was, Brynjolf glared at him. - Now, proof. Please.

J'Ziir nodded to Karliah who pulled out an old journal. - This belonged to Gallus. J'Ziir travelled to Markarth and to Winterhold to have it translated. It contains all that happened.

\- And who are you? Lydia asked. - One of J'Ziir's "_allies_"? She was disturbed by the clossness between this woman and J'Ziir. Just like that she hugged him and he didn't seem eager to push her away.

\- She's my lover, J'Ziir smiled to Lydia. She didn't believe him but her eyes grew cold and annoyed. - Like I said, no Nords.

\- I hate you, Lydia gnarled, turned her back and walked away.

Brynjolf ignored all this. He took the diary and began reading it. He walked further and turned his back on them. J'Ziir glanced at Mercer's body and took his sword. He handed it to Karliah. - Do what you want with it.

She didn't take it. - I already did what I wanted.

\- Then we can sell it, J'Ziir said and walked to Lydia who was standing by herself some distance away. - Housecarl, right now I don't have time for your jealous tantrums. We can wrestle later and argue about this as much as you want but for now, can you just ignore it.

\- Why? Lydia asked.

\- I might reward you later, J'Ziir smirked and handed her the sword. - And when we sell this, I might even buy you something nice. Sweetrolls? Honey nut treats?

When the thunder clouds in Lydia's eyes began to vanish, J'Ziir was quite pleased at himself. Handling Lydia was rather easy. All he needed to know what buttons to press. And he knew all the buttons. Even the ones he didn't want to know. The secret ones. That produced certain kind of sounds.

\- What if I want to keep it and kill you with it? Lydia grabbed the sword. - What then?

\- It it amuses you, J'Ziir shrugged. - You can daydream about that all you want.

\- I hate you, Lydia repeated but this time she didn't mean it.

\- I hate you too, J'Ziir answered, turned and walked back to the others. Lydia followed him. He expected her to stab him in the back at any moment.

\- If this is true, Brynjolf was standing next to Mercer's body. It seemed like he wanted to kick him or maybe even do somethin worse. Chop him to pieces and display his head on top of Mistveil Keep.

\- It is true, J'Ziir interrupted him. - No ifs, ands, or buts. Mercer killed Gallus, framed Karliah and then he and Maven conspired together to have my family killed. She wanted to have the old contracts my mother held. Her contacts to Cyrodiil and to other places in all across Tamriel. But in the end, she didn't have to lift a finger when she found about about the connection between my father and...that Nord. She gave him a hint and they were dead the next day.

\- I was on the run for the past twenty fire years, Karliah continued. - I wanted to prove my innocence but Mercer made sure no one believed me. Namada knew and promised to stand by my side. But she...couldn't. Instead her son did. I've been planning my revenge for all these years. I couldn't have done it without J'Ziir.

\- And the Skeleton Key? Brynjolf asked.

\- Gallus, Mercer, Namada and I were Nightingales, Karliah explained. - Noctural's servants and the Skeleton Key is one of her most revered artifacts. With it you can pick any lock. Mercer stole it and that's one of the reasons why the Guild has been doing so bad. Noctural isn't pleased. We need to return it to the Twilight Sepulcher. That's the only way to rectify things.

\- Go ahead then, J'Ziir pointed at Merce's body. - It's yours to take now.

She was quiet for a while, like she was considering something. Finally she turned to J'Ziir and Brynjolf. - You both helped me with this. Namada was a Nightingale. She was your mother. I can offer you the same plessing of you are willing to come with me.

\- What? Brynjolf was confused. - Us? Nightingales?

\- You're a thief, aren't you? Karliah said and looked at J'Ziir. - And I owe you so much. This the only way I can thank you.

\- Fine, let's grab it and go, J'Ziir nodded and turned to Brynjolf. - Coming, brother?

\- Why not, lad? Brynjolf sighed. - I can't let you go by yourself, can I? That's like letting you enter alone in the Queen's nest. If mother was alive, she would flay me alive.

\- She'd do more than that, J'Ziir shook his head.

\- Really? Brynjolf was curios. - Any worse faiths that I don't remember?

\- The cellar? J'Ziir suggested.

\- Oh, don't you dare to remind me, lad! Brynjolf looked horrified.

\- The cellar? Sura asked.

\- Raji, you're lucky enough that you were too young to be locked there, J'Ziir explained. - Brynjolf I and shared many happy moments in the cellar, together with skeevers.

\- And you just had to bring it up, didn't you? Brynjolf sighed.

\- You asked me, J'Ziir said.

\- It wasn't a guestion I expected you to answer! Brynjolf yelled. - The cellar...

Karliah knelt down to Mercer's body, searched him and found the Skeleton Key. She handed it over to J'Ziir. He hesitated but eventually took it. He told Brynjolf and Karliah to leave, he would catch up with them later. When the two, dark shadows disappeared back into the woods, J'Ziir turned to Sura, Lydia and Vilkas.

\- Head to the trapdoor, he said and looked at Sura. - I'll come as soon as I can.

\- You don't trust me with the key? Sura asked. - Afraid that I might let her go?

\- Afraid that she might hurt you, J'Ziir said. - She's locked up but she has a nasty mouth. I'd rather spare you from all that garbage. You don't need to hear it.

\- Even if I did, I wouldn't believe any of it, Sura replied. - But have it your way. This is your plan, after all.

J'Ziir didn't hesitate when he pulled out the key and handed it to her. She took it and smiled. - I won't use it before you come back.

\- If you do, J'Ziir said with a quiet voice. - Don't go alone.

Then he glanced at Vilkas who was standing next to Sura. - Keep them safe, wolf.

He nodded but didn't say anything. They had reached sort of an agreement. They were not enemies but not friends either. Vilkas wasn't sure what the future would bring but he was determined to stand by his woman. And defend her and her family.

\- What about me? Lydia asked when J'Ziir was getting ready to leave. - You won't take me along?

\- Make sure no one finds Mercer's body, J'Ziir answered to her, grabbed her wrist and pulled her aside. - After that follow Raji to the trapdoor. If she goes in, you go too. If you let her go by herself...

\- She has Vilkas, Lydia interrupted him. - And you have Brynjolf and your mystery woman. Once again I get the dead body.

\- Maybe afterwards you get something more...lively, J'Ziir tried the right button and noticed how Lydia's eyes flashed. _I'm getting pretty good at this,_ he smiled to himself.

\- A sweetroll? Lydia rolled her eyes. - You have to offer me something better than that. I'm not that easy.

\- I'll keep that in mind, J'Ziir sighed. - Will you promise me you stay by her side?

\- I promise, Lydia nodded and this time she was serious. - Just...don't take too long.

When J'Ziir left, Vilkas and Lydia dragged Mercer's body to the woods. They dug a whole, dumped it in there and covered it with dirt, soil and leaves. As they walked away, Lydia glanced back and heard the skitter of small creatures. After few weeks only gnawed, white bones would be left behind. Cold shivers ran down her spine. She definitely wouldn't want to have that kind of fate. Few hours later they walked to the hidden trapdoor that was on the small hill behind the ruins of the house. Sura noticed the new lock. She hadn't been here since she and Vilkas discovered the place. But of course she should have known that mother would show J'Ziir the pecfect place to hide Maven Black-Briar. From the hill she was barely able to make out the silhoutte of Riften. In the clear night the city lights looked very bright. The disappearance of the noble lady must have been noticed. She was worried the Brynjolf and J'Ziir would be caught on their way back. She twiddled the key in her hands, looked at the lock and felt tempted to open it. At the same time she wanted to wait for J'Ziir and Brynjolf. They begun this as a family, they should it end it as a family. She wondered what J'Ziir meant with the "garbage" that Maven was spewing. Probably hurtful words and accusations against their parents. What else could it be?

\- Do you want to go down there? Vilkas asked her. He saw her nervousness and wanted somehow to ease it.

\- I don't know, Sura answered. - I do, but...I don't. No, I don't want to hear what she has to say about my parents. About J'Ziir. And me.

\- Then we'll wait for them, he said and brushed her cheek.

The two men finally returned several hours later. It was almost morning, Sura was dozing off and she leaned against Vilkas' chest. Lydia desperately tried to keep her eyes open but eventually she laid down on the ground and fell asleep. Only Vilkas remained awake. He saw them as they appeared from the woods. Two black shadows, almost too difficult to spot. But Vilkas' eyes were not the eyes of a human. He was able to see things beyond his human vision. He gently shook Sura and she yawned. Then he also woke Lydia. Few minutes later J'Ziir and Brynjolf walked up the hill.

\- You waited? J'Ziir was surprised to see them. He had half expected them all to go down the hatch.

\- Like you asked, Sura mumbled.

\- This is where you hid Maven? Brynjolf asked when he saw the small hatch on the ground.

\- Clever, isn't it? J'Ziir smirked.

\- Not really, Brynjolf shook his head. - But I'll give you credit for trying.

\- Like you would have found this place, J'Ziir snapped back.

\- I wasn't even looking, Brynjolf shrugged. - But if I was...

\- Will you two stop? Lydia stepped in. - There's plenty of time later for your meaningless arguing.

\- Arguing? Brynjolf smiled. - We're just bonding as brothers.

Sura gave the key back to J'Ziir. He knelt down, pulled the trapdoor open and disappeared inside. Sura didn't hesitate as she followed him. Vilkas came right after her, then Lydia and Brynjolf. The narrow stone path was now brightly lit. Silent and determined J'Ziir led them forward. They passed the waterfall and soon enough they arrived to the main chamber. Maven Black-Briar was still alive. She was held in a strong iron cell that hanged above the huge hole. It had been less than a day since she was kidnapped and she was already furious and hateful. Her usual calm demenor was gone and she rattled the steady bars, shouted curses and threaths to them. Suddenly a fraudulent smile rose on her face when she spotted Brynjolf among them. Her smile caused Sura to worry. Even in this situation she seemed to be absoultely sure that she wouldn't die. That someone - namely Brynjolf - would save her.

\- Enjoying your stay? J'Ziir stopped in front of her and smiled. - I sure hope so. I was planning to keep you here for quite a while, but I have to speed things up. My sister is getting married soon and I have to wipe away the blood before that. Riften needs to forget you.

\- How clever of you, Maven smirked. - How cunning. You are exactly like your mother. As stupid as her, as stubborn. A proud, dirty animal. Nothing more. And when you die, no one will remember you.

\- Yes, I am my mother's son, J'Ziir answered. - Proud to be her son. And look, he dangled old papers right in front of her. - Here is the one thing you've been looking for all these years. So close, but yet so far.

Maven's eyes flashed. A greedy, needy look came into them. She had Riften in her pocket, the Thieves Guild under her power and yet - she lacked everything Namada had posessed. And when that infuriating cat was dead, Maven spent years and years looking for those papers. And always she came back empty handed. But this time it would be different. This time her goal was right in front of her. Now all she had to do was make sure Brynjolf followed her orders.

\- You think you won? Maven cackled. - You think everyone is on your side? You think the guards of Riften aren't already on their way here? Soon this place will be swarmed and you and your little friends will perish. And I will take those papers and bury you and your puny little family alive.

\- You can try, J'Ziir answered.

\- I will do more than try, Maven laughed. - Oh, I remember when I met your mother. That proud little whore thought she was something special. She actually thought she could stand against me. And now, you...how amusing this is.

Every word sunk deep in Sura's mind. Every word caused her to see red. She wasn't sure what was happening to her but she had never felt so enraged. Her hands were trembling, her tail swung back and forth, her ears were drawn back. Lydia noticed the change in her mood, placed a warm hand on her shoulder and asked how she was feeling. All she could do was nod to her. _I'm fine_, she tried to calm herself. _Fine!_

What happened next, happened very fast. Brynjolf pulled out his dagger and placed it against J'Ziir throat. The Khajiit didn't flinch, his head didn't turn but his eyes did. Those cold, blue eyes. There was no fear in them. He smiled like he knew, like he had anticipated this.

\- Now? J'Ziir smirked to Brynjolf. - Now you decide to betray me?

\- Maven has to live, Brynjolf said but his voice crackled. He wasn't sure about this and Lydia's horrified look made things worse. - The Guild won't survive if she dies.

\- That's all you care about, J'Ziir said. - The Guild.

\- They are my family, Brynjolf tried.

\- And what are we? J'Ziir continued. - Strangers? It seems so.

\- Just let her go, Brynjolf begged and his hand was shaking. - Don't make me do this, J'Ziir! Please!

\- You have ten seconds, J'Ziir said. - You can cut my throat and kill me. I'll give you that much. If you don't, I will first kill Maven and then...

Brynjolf swallowed. He was sweating. His breathing was erratic and his heart was bounding in his chest. He regretted this decision the moment he made it and knew that he had thrown his life down the drain. _For what_? his brain yelled. For Maven? For the Guild? You turned against the only family you had? Brynjolf felt cold shivers run down his spine. He had never been this afraid in his whole life and he realized he made a terrible, terrible mistake.

\- ...then, I will rip you to pieces, J'Ziir soft, deceptive voice whispered.

* * *

_A/N: I know some of you might think that I have forgotten the main plot. Worry not, I haven't. I just feel like everyone who loves Skyrim knows about the main guestline and I don't need to explain it thoroughly. I will get back to it after things in Riften are done. Thank you for your patience, everyone :).  
_


	54. End of an era

**54\. End of an era**

Sura felt the change. She knew she could have prevented it. Rejected the intrusion. But when she realized who the person was, who tried to gain control of her mind and her body, she gladly stepped aside and decided to observe. She knew she could gain control of her body at any moment and drive the other person away. But she also realized this person was the only one who could resolve the situation without bloodshed. Vilkas noticed the change first. Something about Sura's fur, its colour. It wasn't completely white anymore. There were darker patches and it seemed like that its shade was chancing right in front of his eyes. He touched her shoulder and when she turned to him, he inhaled deeply and took a step back.

Sura's eyes. Her blue eyes were gone. Instead she was now watching him with eyes that were like molten gold, sharp, cruel and callous. There was nothing left of the woman he knew and he was afraid that this change was permanent. Once again he had lost her to that other world. She smiled and that smile was very different, very intimidating. In some weird, twisted way it reminded Sura's smile but was far from it. Vilkas had never seen such sadistic joy in Sura's eyes.

\- Sura? Vilkas said her name and she grinned.

\- I know you love my daughter, wo...

_"Mother! He has a name! Please, use it!"_

\- I know you love my daughter, Vilkas. You will get her back soon. Don't worry.

She walked away from him. Vilkas was unable to move. Someone else was in Sura's body. And not just anyone. Her mother. The mysterious Namada. Somehow her dead mother took control of her. Vilkas didn't know what to do. Should he do something? Or just stand here and watch how this would play out? For now, he decided to remain patient and wait. The woman who wasn't Sura anymore walked to the edge of the hole and stopped in front of the gate. Then she turned to the two men. When they saw her eyes, they both jumped.

\- What do you think you're doing? she asked them. Her voice was low and raspy.

Neither Brynjolf nor J'Ziir could answer. They were both caught of guard, just staring, their mouths hanging open. Brynjolf's hand slowly slid down and he didn't even notice it. The dagger in his hand fell to the floor. He paid no attention to it. They both felt like they suddenly traveling back in time, somewhere to their childhood. And an uneasy feeling settled down inside their stomachs.

\- That's better, she whispered. - Let this be the last time I see you two threathing each other.

\- Mo...mother? J'Ziir whispered.

\- What? Namada asked and her voice caused him to take a step back. Lydia smiled. This was the first time she saw this reaction. It seemed that even the great Dragonborn was afraid of someone. His own mother. Lydia almost giggled. If she could learn to talk like that, she might have some control over her stubborn Thane.

\- How...what? Brynjolf stuttered. - I...what?

\- If I'm forced to see this once more, Namada stepped closer and the two men glanced at each other and huddled together like small, tiny boys caught red handed. - I will roast your little behinds. You won't be able to sit for weeks. Do I make myself clear?

\- Yes, ma, J'Ziir murmured and Brynjolf nodded.

\- What? Namada asked and slapped them both on their heads. - I'm not sure I heard that right.

\- Sure thing, ma! Brynjolf assured. - No need to get nervous. We'll be like the best of friends!

\- That's better, she smiled and this time her smile was very warm and loving.

Then she turned towards Maven. The woman locked in the cage was very quiet now. It was like she was beginning to realize that no guards would come. That Brynjolf alone wouldn't be enough, that he wasn't strong enough. Not loyal enough. That Mercer was no longer alive. And someone had lead the rest of the Guild to another place. And here, right in front of her stood a dead woman. The same woman who killed her husband all those years ago. The same woman who she had just called a proud whore. Who's death she had been planning.

\- Well, Namada begun. - This is interesting, isn't it? We meet again. After such a long time.

Maven swallowed and tried to back away. But the only thing she managed to do was to get the cage moving. She fell to her knees. If she could buy time and stall her fate then maybe, maybe someone would come. Maybe Brynjolf was just acting and waiting for the others. Maybe everything wasn't lost. Couldn't be! She was Maven Black-Briar!

\- My son is more merciful than I was, Namada said. - For your husband I didn't use a cage. The hook was enough. He didn't last long. And he certainly didn't call for you.

\- What...do you want? Maven stuttered.

\- You threatened my children, Namada looked at her. - For the last time. If this was just about the contracts, I might let you go. But no one treats my children like this.

\- Brynjolf forgot you! Maven glared at her. - I took him under my wings. I taught him everything he knows. I told him what you were and he believed it all. In all these years, he never wavered.

\- Really? Namada smiled. - He's right there. Go on, talk to him. Give your orders. Tell him to kill them all. Slaughter them. His family that never meant anything to him. It should be easy, right?

Brynjolf swallowed and avoided Maven's gaze. A few moments ago he was sure that he would die. Now Namada was momentarily in charge. J'Ziir wasn't stupid enough to defy his mother. And Brynjolf knew that the best thing he could do was to follow his example. Whatever happened, he couldn't prevent this.

\- Not so easy, after all? Namada looked at Brynjolf. - He did waver. You just couldn't see it. But I saw it. Every month he came to our graves. Every time he cleaned the gravestones. He wiped the leaves away. And when the stones began to crumble he replaced them with new ones. Sometimes he even talked to us. Asked us advice. And he always followed his instincts. Because that's what I told him to do when he was just a boy. There is no right or wrong in life, just different options. Always follow your instincts, Brynjolf.

The red headed Nord flinched. He remembered that day so clearly. How much that woman meant to him. A real mother after all those years spend in the orpahange. And he had always followed her advice up until this moment. And as soon as he lifted his dagger and threatened his brother, he knew he wasn't being true to himself. And just when he needed Namada the most, she came to them.

\- That bastard killed my children! Maven shouted and pointed at J'Ziir.

\- Did you? Namada asked from her son.

\- Why ask when you know the answer? J'Ziir replied. - And no, I don't regret it.

\- How cold, Namada walked up to him. - How emotioneless. I was like you when I met your father. And I prayed that you would never be like me. But here you are, my dear. Just like my own image, she reached out her hand and caressed his face.

\- If you were like me, J'Ziir lowered her gaze. - You won't judge me. You won't dare.

\- I'm not judging you, Namada whispered, cupped his face and lifted his head. - My dear, I'm not. When my sisters were killed, I hunted their killers down. And I was caught. Arrested. And almost beheaded. But your father rescued me. And even after that all I wanted to do was kill. Until I saw that there is so much more to life. His love saved me.

\- Cut the crap! J'Ziir stepped away. - I know what you were, mother! An assassin! A thief! Don't talk to me about love and its curing power. What did love ever give to you?

\- You and your sister, Namada replied. - And many happy years with Azirr. You might not believe it. You might even refuse to remember. That's fine. That's not the reason I'm here now.

Once again she turned to Maven. And this time she knew her time was running out. She lifted her hands up and yelled. Her screams echoed in the stone chamber but no one came for her. In this small chamber right above Lake Honrich, the great Maven Black-Briar held no power.

\- My Azirr was very angry when I killed your husband, Namada said. She cocked her head and smiled. Her eyes began to burn, her hands were enveloped in flames. - I'm no mage. I know nothing of magic. But this time he approves. He is even willing to help me.

Brynjolf, J'Ziir, Vilkas and Lydia were forced to step back and the heat became too unbearable. Maven's screams were loud, desperate. Horrified. Her voice began to crackle, she was crying, wailing, begging. She promised things that were beyond her reach. She promised to leave Riften, to leave Skyrim. To do anything, if she was allowed to live. And then her promises turned into threats. Meaningless words of the Dark Brotherhood and how they would hunt Namada's children down. How they would be tortured and eventually murdered and ripped to pieces. How she had the power over all of them. How she would command them even after death.

Namada's smile widened. With every desperate word her satisfaction grew. She rejoiced of this feeling, tasting the fear and the horror of her victims. She had loved this so much when she was an assassin. And that was one of the harderst things she ever gave up. But she did it for her family. And she hoped that her son would be able to do the same thing. The fire in her hands grew. She closed her eyes and felt the energy surging through her. And finally she released it all and a giant, blazing ball of fire left her hands and struck the the iron cage. It was too bright to see anything. But they could all hear and smell what was happening. Lydia gasped and lifted her hands to her mouth. J'Ziir said nothing but even his oringinal plan didn't contain this. Maven's screams were now loud and horrifying. They were inhumane, painful and appaling. The smell of burning flesh filled the cavern and Brynjolf coughed and gagged. He almost threw up and his face was pale.

After a while they all saw the faltering figure that was burning to death inside her schorching prison. Her face was gone, her hair was gone. Her clothes were nothing but simmering rags that clung on to her. She was sobbing, no other sounds came out from her disformed mouth. Disgusting fumes rose from her body. The cage slowly swung back and forth. Lydia covered her eyes and turned away. This was too horrible to see. She thought that J'Ziir was cruel. But his mother...oh Divines, his mother! And that woman didn't even flinch. She didn't move, she just watched. And smiled.

_"Mother! I don't need to see this. Either you turn away or you leave. Now."_

\- That's alright, dear, Namada said. - I've done what I came here for. This is almost over.

Maven's body ceased to move and collapsed to the bottom of the cage. Her fingers that were now nothing more than charred bones reached out between the bars. Towards the last hope. Towards something that never came. Namada nodded one last time and then she turned. She walked to Vilkas and placed her hands to his.

\- I'm leaving now, she looked up at him. - And I leave my daughter to your care. I'm sure you know what will happen if something goes wrong.

_"Mother, please! No need for threats!"_

\- You're not only person in this family who tells me that, Vilkas glanced at J'Ziir who rolled his eyes. - Let me tell you exactly what I told him. I love Sura. I will never leave her. And I will keep her safe.

\- I know, Namada said. - I don't doubt you. After all, it was I who encouraged her to look for you. When I leave her body, she will feel weak and disoriented. Stay next to her.

\- I will, Vilkas promised and squeezed Sura's hands.

\- And you, Namada turned to Lydia. Her eyes widened, she hadn't expected to be addressed. - My son is a difficult man. He's annoying, irritating and unbearable. I don't understand how you have the patience to stay next to him.

\- I've gotten used to it, Lydia replied.

\- You remind me of Azirr, Namada said. - He was a patient man as well. And never gave up on me. I hope you will never give up either.

\- I don't intend to, Lydia looked at J'Ziir who was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. His dead mother giving relationship advice to Lydia. This was straight from his worst nightmares.

\- And you two, Namada talked to her sons and once again they both jumped. - Remember what I said. No more threats. Understand?

\- Yes, ma, J'Ziir agreed and stared at Brynjolf. - Brothers?

\- Brothers, Brynjolf nodded. - For life.

Sura's eyes closed. Her body slumped and Vilkas caught her. He held her close and caressed her hair. She felt his hand and kept her eyes closed. She didn't want the others to see her grief. For the first time she shared such a connection with her mother. For the first time she truly felt the love, the care, the unconditional devotion her mother had towards them all. Namada didn't show her feelings but Sura could feel them like they were her own. And in those last seconds before she left, Sura felt her desperation. When she once again had to depart and leave them behind. She wanted to comfort her and not let her go. And when Namada vanished she felt abandoned and lost. The tears behind her eyes were the tears of sorrow.

_"Don't go, mother. I need you!"  
_

_"Don't be afraid, dear. You're strong enough now. Go wherever your heart takes you. And never hesitate."_


	55. Near the river's edge

**55\. Near the river's edge**

Once again she stood by the lake. A lone figure watching the sunset. Riften's stone walls were visible from the other side of water. She heard the sounds of people, the water lapping against the wooden piers and the boats, the birds singing in the trees behind her. It was surprisingly calm compared to the hectic days they had experienced. Riften no longed needed the Black-Briar's. No one seemed to miss them. The city was better off. What was left of Maven was now fish food in Lake Honrich. Her remains would never be found, unlike her children. Brynjolf had made sure the Guild would surive. After J'Ziir gave him the old contracts, Mercer's hidden assests and all the riches from Namada's hideout, the Guild was on its way to better days. In the end Brynjolf was able to keep both of his families.

Sura heard footsteps and turned her head. She told Vilkas that she preferred to be alone for a while, to think about all that happened. But it wasn't Vilkas who came to her, it was J'Ziir. He stood next to her but said nothing. They both watched as the setting sun colored the woods, the clouds and the water with its shades of yellow and orange and red.

\- So, Sura finally began. - What's it like to be the new Guild Master?

\- Not as glamorous as it sounds, J'Ziir replied. - That headquarter of theirs isn't very classy. No wonder Brynjolf always smells like sewage. Maybe his used to it but my nose is way too sensitive for that stink. And I didn't ask this, Brynjolf forced it on me. Said I need to take responsibility.

\- I think you're perfect for the job, Sura smiled.

\- The good thing is I don't need to be there that much, J'Ziir said. - Brynjolf and Aura can handle most things.

\- Who's Aura? Sura asked.

\- Brynjolf's lover, J'Ziir said. - An Imperial. Sharp girl. She seems to have good head on her shoulders. Makes things easier for me. I'm not much of a leader.

\- I didn't know Brynjolf is in love, Sura was surprised and J'Ziir smiled. -If he is, why make advances towards Lydia?

\- He's not in love, J'Ziir glanced at her. - And Brynjolf is not the only man she entertains, he knows it. I think they have sort of an "agreement".

\- Oh, Sura lowered her gaze. - Does she "_entertain_" you?

\- Do you think Lydia would approve? J'Ziir crossed his arms.

\- So you care what Lydia thinks? Sura teased him and poked his sides. - Honestly, I think you should make up your mind. Stop tormenting her. Either you care for her or you don't. Which is it?

\- I don't know, J'Ziir answered. - I'm trying to figure it out myself.

\- I can't be that hard, Sura frowned. - Just think about it. Can you live without her?

\- That's what I've been doing most of my life, J'Ziir avoided her gaze. - Living alone.

\- But now you don't need to anymore, Sura grabbed his hand and wrapped her arms around it.

She leaned against his shoulder and smiled. J'Ziir didn't push her away. Instead he cocked his head so that his cheek rested against her soft fur_. Lavender and tundra cottons_, he thought. Just like when she was a little girl. Those were her favorite flowers. And whenever he had the chance, he gathered them for her. Piles and piles until she was covered in the blue flowers. And all he could hear was her happy giggle among them. And see her small white tail whip in the middle of the pile. Long forgotten memories, happy memories. He wished he could remember more of those.

\- What is this? A family meeting? And I wasn't invited? Brynjolf's voice echoed across the water. He walked towards them and looked angry. But both Sura and J'Ziir saw the glint of laughter behind his severe gaze.

\- Why don't you stay with that other family of yours? J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Since they are more important to you.

\- Aren't you part of that family now? Brynjolf smacked him at the back of the head. - You should thank me, lad. I made you my boss.

\- Since I'm your boss, shouldn't you show some respect? J'Ziir gnarled and rubbed his head.

\- Don't get too cocky, Brynjolf remarked. - Your threaths won't work anymore. We're brothers for life now.

\- We're family for life, Sura stepped between them, grasped their hands and smiled.

\- You're too cute to be my sister, Brynjolf pinched her cheek. - Are you sure you want to marry that wolf instead of me?

\- He has a name, Sura glared at them. - Why can't either of you use it?

\- Wolf suits him better, J'Ziir mumbled.

\- Yeah, it kind of does, Brynjolf agreed.

\- Well, you're not invited to the wedding then, Sura pouted but laughter gleamed in her eyes. - Stay away! Both of you, stinky skeevers! The whole Temple will smell like the Ratways of Riften.

\- It's in two days, Brynjolf said. - It's loo late now to back away. Can I come if promise to bathe? Or maybe, he looked at J'Ziir. - Maybe we can kidnap the groom and replace him with someone else. Someone like me.

J'Ziir sighed. - Like you can leave that Imperial of yours. You can hardly get away from her.

\- Oh, Aura, Brynjolf grinned. - Yes, you're right. If I was married, I'd probably miss her too much. She's quite talented, let me tell you. Could teach you a thing or two. Or maybe I should send her to Lydia. I'm sure she'd be eager to learn.

\- Don't talk about kidnapping! Sura punched them both. - Haven't we had enough about that? All you two do is threaten Vilkas. Well, let me give you a warning. If either one you ruins my day or behaves badly, I will cut you both out from my life. Is that clear?

\- When did mother return? Brynjolf asked from J'Ziir.

\- I think she never left, J'Ziir looked at Sura. - Ma? Is that you?

\- Shut up, Sura pulled his tail. - Or I'll cut this off.

\- She's worse than mother, Brynjolf whispered. - The wo...ahem...Vilkas is in for a hard time. Let me withdraw my offer. I'd rather stay happily unmarried and safe.

\- My tail was cut off once already, J'Ziir smirked. - Think of something better.

\- Well, at least your "_housecarl_" treats you kinder, Brynjolf implied. - I think she's prepared to do anything to make you feel..blessed. Why don't you test the waters before its too late? I wouldn't let too many ships sail on my lake.

\- What are you talking about? J'Ziir rolled his eyes.

\- I'll give it to you straight then, Brynjolf said and covered Sura's ears. He looked at her and whispered. - This is not meant for ladies. Just be patient for a minute, lass. I need to explain some of life's mysteries to this hardheaded brother of ours.

\- I'm not interested, J'Ziir backed away. - Just keep it to yourself.

\- Let's face it, Brynjolf continued. - You need a little help. All you have to do is grab her, kiss her and bed her. To my experience ladies like licking. You have a rough tongue. Use it! To the best of your abilities.

\- Stop it! J'Ziir lifted his hand. - Or I'll go against mother's will. I swear it.

\- You don't know how to use it? Brynjolf grinned. - It's not that hard. Just listen to the sounds and follow her lead. She will guide to all the right places. And it's not just great for her, you will also enjoy it. Trust me. Try it.

\- Will you shut up! J'Ziir pulled out his axe.

\- Very scary, Brynjolf nodded. - I know, you want to kill me. But I'm just trying to help, lad.

\- I don't need help, J'Ziir gnarled.

\- That's what they all say, Brynjolf shook his head. - Admitting that you have a proplem is the first step.

\- Are you two done yet? Sura pushed Brynjolf's hands away.

\- Yes, we are, J'Ziir said.

\- Actually no, Brynjolf sighed. - But when he doesn't want help, I can't force him to accept it.

\- I don't need that kind of help, J'Ziir rumbled.

\- What kind of help can I offer then? Brynjolf teased him.

\- I need to find someone, J'Ziir said.

\- Again? Brynjof shook his head. - Don't tell me this is the start of another retaliation. Because if it is, I won't be part of it. You're on your own!

\- No, J'Ziir said. - The man I need to find is called Esbern. He should be somewhere in Riften.

\- That old lunatic? Brynjolf said. - I know him. His hiding in Ratway. Give me a day and you have him in your hands - boss.

\- Just show me where he is, J'Ziir looked at the lake. - That's enough.

\- Come on, Sura smiled, hugged Brynjolf and then J'Ziir. - Can't we just spend this one moment happy? All three of us together? Let's forget sad things for a while. I don't want us to argue. Or to be enemies. We have enough of those in Skyrim.

\- Sound good to me, lass, Brynjolf wrapped his arm around Sura's shoulder. After a little while, J'Ziir cleared his throat and also lifted his hand. Brynjolf pulled his hand on top of his own and they saw a little smile on his face. A smile he didn't even bother to hide. Sura stood between them, her brothers. Safe and secure in their warm embrace. The remains of the lost family was now here. They were finally united. And this moment was special and unique. The sky was now almost purple and the lake begun to gather shadows.

\- Do you remember, Brynjolf whispered. - That old lullaby? How did it start? The one that mother always sang to us?

\- Near the river's edge? J'Ziir immediately said. - Where the eagles fly. Where the mountain meets the sky. The water sparkles like the tears of the sun, and all our worries are gone and done.

\- Yeah, that's it, Brynjolf smiled.

\- Come with me my little one, Sura continued. - Come and play, and let us run. Away from sorrow, away from pain. Hand in hand through the misty rain.

\- The last part was yours, J'Ziir looked at Brynjolf. - It was the shortest and easiest to remember.

\- Was it? Brynjolf asked. - Let's see...

\- You forgot it? J'Ziir growled.

\- Where the mountain meets the sky, Brynjolf recited in a loud voice. - Near the river's edge, where the eagles fly.

* * *

_A/N: Some bonding time, humor and joyful moments. More happiness along the way. Beware of overdose after all this violence and excitement :D! _


	56. Family for life

**56\. Family for life  
**

Sura spun around. How soft and light the material was. How it flowed like warm water around her legs. She never expected a dress like this. She never wore anything so beautiful and so elegant in her whole life. It wasn't a traditional wedding gown. No woman in Skyrim preferred this kind of clothing. The dresses were usually made of sturdy fabic that could last for years. But this gliding dream was so unique, like summer clouds. Sura had no idea where Lydia got the dress and she refused to reveal her secrets. She was standing next to her and smiling. Lydia was also wearing a gown, a long, dark red dress. She had a ruby circlet on her forehead and her hair was open.

Lydia's hand were behind her back. She was holding something and she had a cryptic smile on her face. When Sura turned to her, she took out the flower wreath. It was made from lavenders and it landed softly on Sura's forehead. Her small ears rose above it and in Lydia's eyes she looked cute, innocent and utterly beautiful. The flowers matched her eyes and the light blue of the dress. Lydia was happy that she was able to get her hands on these items. She wanted her friend, this best friend, this sister of hers to have an unforgettable day. Nothing was going to ruin it.

\- A wreath? Sura touched the flowers. - Lydia...

\- Don't say a word, Lydia grapped her hands. - You deserve it. All of it. This is your day. Yours and your husbands. Don't think about anything else.

\- Husband? Sura said. - Isn't it odd that we are here now? I never thought this day would come. Remember when you were about to marry Hadvar and we both imagined how this Temple would welcome you first.

\- I know, Lydia smiled. - Feels like it happened years ago. Neither of us knew where we would end up.

\- Maybe you want to get married as well? Sura looked at her. - Then we could be real sisters. Not with Hadvar. It was never Hadvar, was it?

\- When I was younger and my father wanted it, then it was Hadvar, Lydia said. - Because J'Ziir was not in my life. But now...I can't imagine he'd ever want to get married. He's not that romantic. Even if he loved me, he'd want me as his lover.

\- He might have changed, but he is my brother, Sura shook her head. - He's not as cold as he pretends to be. I think he's starting to melt down. You just need to add some more wood to the fire.

\- Just make sure that you add some wood the fire tonight, Lydia teased her and Sura giggled. - Better yet, add some oil. Lots of it.

\- Lydia, Sura took her hands. - I..I'm not sure how to do this. Vilkas is tolerant, I know. And he would never hurt me. But everyone has their limit. And if I...won't be able to...what if I panic? Push him away? What then? Would he just leave? If he does...then what will I do?

\- He won't abandon you, Lydia said with a steady voice. - He would never do that. He knows what happened. And he will understand. You decide the pace.

\- I'm afraid, Sura whispered. - That the Orc is going to come between us. That his memory will always be there. That I can't get rid of it. And I can't feel nothing but pain. Or even worse, that I can't feel anything.

\- No, don't think like that, Lydia pulled her next to her on a wooden pench. - Didn't you already enjoyed his touch? You told me that it didn't hurt you. That it was good.

\- Yes, but that was different, Sura explained. - We didn't go...all the way. And I know he expects more. It's a normal thing between a husband and wife, right? But what if I...just can't?

\- Calm down, Lydia hugged her. - It will be fine. And if you can't do it, I'm sure he is willing to wait. Until you are ready.

Sura lowered her gaze and nodded. She believed that Lydia was right, wanted to believe. Lydia cupper her face in her hands, lifted her face and smiled. She had always been Sura's older sister. They had shared everything in their lives. Even now Sura was able to tell her about her worst fears. Lydia wondered should she have a talk with Vilkas before the ceremony. It would be a welcome change. J'Ziir and Brynjolf were probably trying their best to scare him, with little success. She had no intentions to add the pressure, but she wanted him to know about Sura's fears. She knew that Vilkas would understand. Lydia stood up, kissed Sura on the cheek and left.

She sat there by herself, in that small room at the Temple of Mara. She touched her necklace and it made her calmer. She thought about her mother. What a strong woman she was, facing all that by herself. Before she met father. And even after he was in her life, she relied on herself. Sura wished she could be a bit more like her. To have her courage. That bravery. And as he touched the necklace and kissed it, she felt a calm, tranquil feeling settle inside her. This was the best day of her life and nothing bad would happen.

A light knock on the door and Brynjolf peeked inside. She smiled to him and J'Ziir pushed Brynjolf out of the way and into the room. When she stood up, they stopped on their tracks. Brynjolf's eyes were filled with adoration, delight and fondness. And J'Ziir gaze was soft, even gentle. For once those ice blue eyes were brimming with warm feelings. Affection, wonder and even a little hint of love, somewhere deep down. He didn't even try to hide it. She smiled and pulled them both to her. She wrapped one arm around Brynjolf and the other around J'Ziir.

\- Thank you for being here today, Sura whispered to them.

\- Wouldn't miss this for the world, Brynjolf squeezed her tight. - I have to say, Raji. You look gorgeous. Doesn't she?

\- Yes, she does, J'Ziir nodded.

Neither one of them wore their armor today. Just casual clothing and they both looked handsome and graceful. Sura was also pleased to notice that they had both bathed, neither smelled like a sewer. Brynjolf had even shaved and combed his hair. J'Ziir reached out and touched her cheek. He pulled out a bouqet of flowers, tundra cottons. Sura was taken aback. These flowers didn't bloom in the forests of Riften. How far had he gone to get these. Brynjolf cleared his throat and added some lavenders among them. He glanced at J'Ziir and together they handed the flowers to her.

\- Well, aren't you two sweet? Sura smiled. - What have you done now? Did you spend all this morning threathing Vilkas? That's why you're trying to soften me up?

\- We would never, Brynjolf assured but his face told otherwise.

\- Yes, we did, J'Ziir admitted. - And he ignored us. That wolf is quite strong.

\- Aren't these your favorites? Brynjolf glanced at J'Ziir. - Can you believe this cat dragged me all the way to the tundra to pick these flowers? You should have seen us, two grown men, in full body armor picking flowers. Like some dainty ladies. Even the rabbits were laughing at us, not the mention the two giants who waddled by.

\- Cat? J'Ziir crossed his arms. - Watch your tongue, Nord. Or I'll cut it off.

\- No threats today! Sura glared at them. - It's a happy day, I told you not to ruin it.

\- No worries, Brynjolf wrapped his arm around J'Ziir's neck. - He would never do that. Never. He doesn't have the courage or the skill. And because I'm his superior older brother, he'd be lost without me.

\- Get off me, J'Ziir shoved him away. - You stink.

\- Hey, I bathed before I got here, lad! Brynjolf feigned insult. - You didn't.

Another knock on the door interrupted them and the Priestess of Mara entered. She informed them that it was time to start the ceremony. The groom was waiting. Sura inhaled deeply and looked at her brothers. A bunch of fluttering butterfliers settled in her stomach and squeezed the flowers in her hand way too hard. Brynjolf took her hand in his and smiled.

\- Relax, lass, he smiled. - It will be fine. After today you're not walking alone anymore.

\- You make it sound like I've been by myself up until this moment, Sura frowned. - Are you going to leave me?

\- I would never be able to leave you, Brynjolf smirked. - We're family for life, right. And family sticks together, no matter what happens.

Sura turned to J'Ziir. Her eyes, her gaze reminded him of the moments in their childhood when she looked up to him and asked for help. To climb on a big rock, to reach for something that was too high. To enter first in a scary, dark cave they used to explore. That look that always made him melt and give in. Whatever she asked, he was ready to do it for her. But this time all he could offer was his unconditional support. And he gave it to her gladly. Despite his suspicions and his inborn distrust of the man, he wanted to believe that Vilkas was the right man for Raji. He was sincere and trustworthy. And since Raji trusted him, so would he. After today they would be brothers.

\- He's waiting, J'Ziir brushed her cheek. - I won't be able to marry him in your behalf. I would but I don't think he'd approve. And Lydia would be upset as well.

\- You're silly, Sura giggled.

\- I am, aren't I? J'Ziir smiled and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him, closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. Steady, strong, reliable. She had three respectable, good men in her life right now. And she loved them all so much. And prayed that she was able to keep them all till the end of her days.

\- Raji, J'Ziir whispered to her ear and his voice crackled a bit. - Just be happy. That's all I ask. Be happy, Raji.


	57. Now and forever

**57\. Now and forever**

Vilkas wasn't nervous. He was standing here, in front of the Goddess Mara, ready to give his life long, solemn promise to the woman he loved. The day had gone like he expected. He was little amused by the theatricals J'Ziir and Brynjolf had put up. Glaring at him, giving him silent warnings. They both came to the small side room where he was waiting and made him swear an oath. That he would always look after Sura, never let her be in danger and always treat her like she was the High Queen of Skyrim. Brynjolf made up the last part and both Vilkas and J'Ziir glanced at him at that point. But the red head just stood there and stared at him sternly, like he was actually very serious about that. Brynjolf also demanded that whenever they encountered a puddle, in Riften or in anywhere else in Skyrim, he should lay down on the ground and let Sura walk over him. At that point he almost tossed them both out. But underneath their unreasonable demands Vilkas knew they had good intentions. H knew all they wanted to say with their threatening maneuvers and gestures. That he - like they - wanted nothing more but look after Sura. Make sure that he hard times in her life were far behind her.

\- Lady Mara, Vilkas looked at the stone statue of a Divine. - Look after us all. And let us finally have some peace.

There weren't that many people on the Temple and Vilkas preferred it that way. He sent a note to Jorrvaskr but expected no one to arrive. Even Farkas wasn't that excited. And Vilkas knew they weren't just twiddling their thumbs. They had enough to do. He turned and looked at the people who were gathered at the Temple. There was Lydia, smiling and obviously very happy. Her green eyes were sparkling, her hair was open and she looked very beautiful. She looked like she wanted to get married instead of Sura. And if that was the case, her groom would change as well. Vilkas had never seen the red dress she wore but it seemed to be very effective. It drew J'Ziir complete attention. The Dragonborn was openly staring at his housecarl. Not even bothering to hide it. When Brynjolf's eyes also brushed by Lydia's curves, J'Ziir gaze turned into ice. And this time that glare was meant for his brother. Brynjolf wasn't disturbed though. He smiled to J'Ziir very warmly and lovingly, even batted his eyelashes couple of times.

Next to the red headed thief sat the dark haired Imperial. Aura. She didn't smile. There was a curios, unfeeling expression on her face, like she was interested to see what was happening but didn't really care much for it. She was looking around, like she lost something and tried to find it. She seemed to be more interested in her surroundings than the upcoming ceremony. She was very young, barely out of her teenage years. A sharp scar traveled down her face, right beneath her left eye. She looked up and her light brown eyes met his gaze. If Farkas was here, he would be thrilled. And he would do whatever he could to steal that woman for himself. Farkas wasn't known for his subtlety. Vilkas could almost see the battle between his brother and Brynjolf. But couldn't predict who would win.

\- Ah, here comes the bride now, Maramal smiled and Vilkas turned.

There she was. Walking towards him. In that silky, dreamlike dress that floated around her. Everyone else ceased to exist. There was only Sura. Her smile. Her eyes. Her slender, tiny figure. Her long fingers that locked with his when she touched his hand. Her familiar, beautiful scent that consisted of the mixture of those two flowers that were her favorite. When she stood next to him, looked at him and smiled, he was sure his heart gave up on him. It was completely taken over. Every last piece was hers. Her smile brightened every last corner, every dark shadow, every dreary thought. Even his beast was conquered, down in that dark cage where he locked it up. Usually he sensed it, felt its constant need to be free. But now it was completely quiet. Its needs where the same as his. To be united with this woman. To have her and to hold her for the rest of his life. For a few fleeting seconds Vilkas was sure he went to Sovngarde and back. And after he returned to Tamriel he noticed that something was wrong. Sura still smiled but her smile was a bit...unnerving. Like she wanted to create of of those blazing fireballs of hers and hurl it at someone's face. And that someone was...maybe her two brothers?

\- I thought you might have ran, Sura whispered to him before Maramal begun his speech.

\- Why would I run? Vilkas hissed back at her.

\- Didn't those two tried to threaten you? Sura slightly nodded his head. - Can you believe it? They brought me flowers so they could soften me up. And then... this... they won't get away with this so easily this time.

\- Alright, now you're scaring me, Vilkas leaned a bit closer to her. - I'm more afraid of you than them. And I'm fine, they didn't harm me. They wouldn't be able to.

\- Family for life, Sura sighed and shook her head. - Of course, add a new member. And a couple more, why not. It's a wedding day, after all. Celebration for everyone!

\- Um...is everything alright? Vilkas tried to calm her down. This was not going the way he thought. Sura didn't seem to be too happy. She was far from a calm, beautiful bride Vilkas was expecting. And even the priest noticed it. He leaned closer and asked where they ready to begin.

\- You two! Sura suddenly turned and pointed at her brothers. - Didn't I already warn you? I told you not ruin the day! And what did you do? Exactly the opposite!

\- What did you do? Brynjolf glanced at J'Ziir who looked confused.

\- Me? J'Ziir napped at him. - Nothing. What about you, Nord?

\- Don't you even go there, lad! Brynjolf waved his hand dramatically. - Or I'm gonna make sure...

\- First flowers and then a skeever? Sura glared at them. - Is that supposed to be cute?

\- A sk...skeever? J'Ziir blinked. - A skeever?

\- Is there something wrong with your ears? Sura asked and her voice was cold as ice. Like a wintry breeze suddenly blew the doors open and entered the Temple.

\- A skeever? Aura suddenly jumped. - I've been looking for that little critter the whole day. Did you seem him? Where is he? Is he alright?

\- Wait, Brynjolf lifted his hand. - You lost Hulgar?

\- Who's Hulgar? Lydia frowned.

\- Our _baby_, Aura pointed at Brynjolf. - Brynjolf gave him to me when he was just a teeny tiny little rodent. I didn't dare to say anything because I know you would get mad and...

\- That's your pet? Sura stared at her. - Your "_Hulgar_" in the side room over there? Defecating on top of the statue of Mara? How lovely...

\- We need to catch him! Brynjolf jumped over the benches and ran to the side room. The Imperial was quick to follow and before anyone could react, the grey little rodent sprinted out of the room and under the benches.

\- Hulgar! Aura screamed. - Get back here, you naughty little creature! Back to ma, didn't you hear me!

Vilkas closed his eyes and prayed for patience. Sura stood next to him and watched as the two people knelt down and tried their best to catch the illusive little creature. J'Ziir pulled Lydia aside, grabbed his dagger and when Aura saw it she shouted at him. - Don't you dare, boss! You are not allowed to kill him!

\- Why? Lydia wailed and looked at the statue of Mara. - Why couldn't this just be a peaceful day filled with happiness?

When the quick, grey creature ran from under the benches and headed towards the altar, Brynjolf jumped after it. But Sura lifted her hand and the Nord stopped. She knelt down, looked at the skeever and smiled to it. The rodent sniffed the air and as the chaos around it ceased, it seemed to calm down. Sura was even ready to admit that the little Hulgar was quite cute. She reached out her hand and cooed. They all watched as Hulgar waddled up to her, reached out its tiny paws and climbed into her lap. She stood up, walked to Aura and handed the skeever to her.

\- Here's your baby, Sura said with a sarcastic smile. - Don't lose him again.

\- I won't, Aura said and her voice was surprisingly serious. She took the skeever, hugged it and snapped gently its nose. - Who's a bad boy, huh? Causing such a ruckus at a wedding. You should know better.

\- Ahem, Maramal finally opened his mouth. - Are we ready to begin?

\- Well, this was interesting, Vilkas couldn't hold his laughter and tried to cover it with a cough. - You work wonders with animals, my love.

\- I have to, Sura smiled to him and now her face was bright and happy. - I need to handle you for the rest of my days. And I think that wolf of yours isn't as easy as a small skeever.

\- Krhm...it was Mara who first gave birth to all creation, Maramal began with a loud voice. He paused and it seemed like he forgot the right words for a moment. He glanced at the skeever who was now sitting duteously in Aura's lap. Then he was able to gather his thoughts and continue. - And pledged to watch over us as her children. It is from her love of us, we first learn to love one another.

Vilkas touched Sura's hand and closed it inside his own. She didn't pull away, but she blushed and had to bury her face in the lavenders and tundra cottons. He smiled and squeezed her hand tighter. He looked up at the statue of Mara. He was so happy at this moment that he was even able to accept that one of their wedding guests was a skeever named Hulgar. This was actually happening, they were standing here right now. Together. Side by side.

\- It is from this love that we learn that life lived alone, is no life at all, Maramal continued. When he said those words, J'Ziir glanced at Lydia. He had told Brynjolf and Raji that he was used to living alone. He spent most of his live by himself. But some part of him didn't want that anymore. Some strange part claimef that what this priest was saying, was actually true. "_Life__lived__ alone is no life at all." _Was that their mother's voice who whispered in to his ear?

\- We gather here today, under Mara's loving gaze, Maramal smiled to the couple standing in front of him. - To bare witness to the union of two souls, in eternal companionship.

\- So, am I going to be a Companion after this? Sura leaned towards Vilkas.

\- Yes, he replied. - My companion. No one else's. I'm not willing to share you.

\- Not even with your wolf? Sura giggled in her bouquet.

\- I will never even let it see you, Vilkas looked at her and now his gaze was severe. - You are too beautiful for something so...hideous.

\- Aw, I think it's just lonely, Sura gently nudged him.

\- It can go play with someone else, Vilkas stated. - Our marriage is not its playground.

\- Ahem, Maramal cut in with a loud voice. - May they journey forth together in this life and in the next. In prosperity, in poverty, and in joy and in hardship. Do you agree to be bound together in love, now and forever?

The looked at each other. Then Vilkas turned to the priest and without hesitation he pledged his life to his woman. - I do. Now and forever.

Maramal nodded and turned to Sura. Then he presented the same question to her. And like Vilkas, she had no regrets, no doubts, no concerns. Her voice was clear and bright when she promised herself to the man she loved more than any other. - I do. Now and forever.

What the priest said next flew past her ears. She couldn't hear it, she didn't want to hear it. All she saw were her husbands eyes. Grey, steady, glimmering with happiness and love. He pulled her into his arms and when he kissed her, she tossed the bouquet away, wrapped her hands around him and said goodbyes to her lonely, sad past.

_Let it be forgotten, _she thought. _Let it be. _

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_A/N: What a perfect wedding, ain't it ;)?_


	58. No place I'd rather be

**58\. No place I'd rather be**

How were things suddenly so awkward? How did that happen? When and why? They were now married. Blessed under the eyes of Mara. They were no longer two people but one entity. Together for the rest of their lives. And that's what Vilkas always wanted. This should have been a dream come true. And yet - how could it be so awkward? They were standing together at the porch of Honeyside. J'Ziir and Lydia left Rifen. After the ceremony J'Ziir pulled Vilkas aside and gave him a key. A house key. He didn't explain his intentions, he only said it belonged to a house he bought. As a wedding present. No sister of his would spend her wedding night in a small, crappy room at the Bee and the Barb. When he said that, his eyes flashed, like he didn't want to think about what the night would entail. J'Ziir rolled his eyes, sighed and was about to leave. At the Temple gates he turned back, walked to him and grabbed his arm. Not very gently but there was no hostility in his actions. Then he said something that sent chills down Vilkas' spine."_We're brother's now. Family._"

Honestly Vilkas wasn't sure himself what would happen tonight. Before the ceremony Lydia spoke to him. And told her about Sura's fears. He didn't intend to pressure Sura. If they would only sleep side by side tonight he would be content. But he didn't want to lie to himself, he hoped for more. They had both waited long enough. He wished the night would last forever and finally he would be able to rid that nightmare out of Sura's head. Because a tiny part of that Orc still lived there, somewhere on the plains of agony and fear. He wanted to go to that place and replace all the bad things with love, pleasure and enjoyment. He wanted to rename that place and claim it as his own. Tonight he was about to knock his beast out cold, tie it up, blindfold it and push it in the darkest, deepest place of his soul he could find. He had no intentions to let that creature roam free tonight.

Sura swallowed. She stood motionless and watched the sun as it colored the lake. She was rather nervous now that they were alone. Despite Lydia's word of comfort, she was sure she would just ruin everything tonight. And by tomorrow morning Vilkas would deeply regret marrying her in the first place. Maybe he'd even try to sneak out during the night and leave behind an ambiguos note of how he did care for her but it wasn't going to work between them after all. _"No!_" A strong voice suddenly came to her. It was like a powerful whisper that swept over the lake and surrounded her with soothing hushes.

\- Isn't it beautiful? Sura bit her lip but didn't move her eyes from the scenery.

\- Sure is, Vilkas agreed but he wasn't looking at the setting sun. His eyes were fixated on his wife.

_My wife_? He was still having hard time believing it. That he was now married to the woman he loved. To the woman he had held in his heart for years and years. And here they were now, husband and wife. Standing next to each other but afraid to touch, afraid to be together. No. He was afraid. Afraid that he would cause pain to her. Unwillingly.

\- I didn't know J'Ziir bought this house for us, Sura continued. - He does some weird things. I mean, it was not necessary, right? We are not staying in Riften for good.

\- I guess it was his way of giving his...acceptance, Vilkas shrugged. - Wanting to give us privacy. I doubt we would have that at the Inn. I heard that Brynjolf took care of the furniture. So it's like a gift from both of them.

\- Yes, Sura giggled and turned to him. - Did you know that he had to repair that huge bed twice? Bribe Balimund? I couldn't stop laughing when Lydia told me. That for some reason J'Ziir was extremely angry to Brynjolf and he accidentally used his Thu'um. He tossed Brynjolf, the bed and the three men carrying it across the canal. The headboard was smashed. Afterwards Brynjolf cursed so hard that the whole Market echoed and J'Ziir just vanished.

\- What? Vilkas laughed. - Why didn't I hear that? And what made him so angry?

\- Lydia, Sura continued. - She wanted to come and help me. But she also wanted to see would J'Ziir get jealous, so she said she was going to meet another man at the Inn. He sat at the Bee and the Barb the whole day, chucking down one ale after another. Then he barged upstairs and broke all the doors. Keraava was furious but didn't dare to throw him out.

\- No way, Vilkas shook his head. - Can't be.

\- And then he was banned from entering ever again. Oh Divines, Sura smiled. - What a crazy family you chose. I hope you won't regret marrying me.

\- I won't, Vilkas said and his smile was tender and kind. - This is one decision I will never regret.

\- I'm talking too much, aren't I? Sura turned to him but couldn't look him in the eyes.

\- That's alright, Vilkas said. - You can talk to me as much as you want. I like your voice.

\- So...how shall we...do this? Sura glanced inside. - I hear Brynjolf got the bed all the way from Cyrodiil. I don't know how he managed that but...

\- You don't have to be so nervous, Vilkas brushed her cheek. - And we don't have to do anything that you don't want. This is not a competition, love. It's not a duty or a something that we absolutely need to do. I want you to understand that.

\- I..I'm just worried, Sura's eyes were filled with insecurity. - That you won't...that I can't...that if I just try hard enough...then you won't be...so disappointed in me.

\- It's alright, love, Vilkas pulled her into his arms. - You could never disappoint me.

\- You're too kind to me, Sura held him tight. - Way too kind to a ca...

\- Don't say that word, Vilkas pressed his finger on her lips. - I don't want to hear that word from you ever again. I don't want to hear you saying your worthless or broken or damaged. Because you're not.

\- But...

\- No, Vilkas smiled to her, cupped her face in his hands an lifted her gaze. - No buts. You are perfect the way you are. Strong and capable. Haven't I seen it myself? What you've done, what you have become while in Riften? Don't hide that strenght away.

Sura looked into his eyes and saw no lies there. And although she sometimes felt herself way below him, his words gave her strenght and will to be his equal. To be worthy of his love. To earn this place by his side. To be this his wife, his companion in life. She got on her toes and kissed him. That one touch ignited a fire in both of them. Something had been sleeping for a long time.

\- Wait, Vilkas mumbled against her lips. - What's...that smell?

\- What smell? Sura sniffed the air. - I don't smell anything. Except fish...

\- Like something's...burning inside? Vilkas glanced towards the door. - Don't you smell it?

\- Oh no! Sura yepled. - Lydia's pies! She told me before they left...that I should...remember them...oh Divines!

They rushed inside together. Both begun to cough as thick smoke filled the shack. Sura glanced towards the fireplace and saw the charred remains of snowberry pies that Lydia had baked for them. She had left them on a silver platter, covered by a soft leather cloth. Just next to the fireplace to keep them warm. And now the cloth was on fire and so were the pies underneath. Vilkas grabbed a bottle of mead and poured it on top the whole thing. The smoke became unbearable and Sura was forced to push open and window and gasp for air. She was barely able to get out of the way when Vilkas hurled the whole thing outside. They heard the splash as it landed on Lake Honrich. As the smoke began to clear Sura burst out laughing. Her stomach was hurting and tears rose into her eyes but the whole situation was unbeliavable. Burned pies, mead, the thick smoke, the sound of lapping water. She wasn't sure was this a dream or a reality. A perfect end for a perfect day.

\- More fish food, she held her stomach and leaned against a wall. - Oh no. I think that was supposed to be our wedding cake or pie...something sweet anyway. I guess Maven will have to settle for that then...

\- Something sweet? Vilkas picked her up in his arms and spun her around the room. Her head was dizzy and not only because of the smoke and laughter. - I can think of something much sweeter than Lydia's burned pies.

\- You distract me way too much, Sura smiled to him and after a few moment she stuck her tongue out. - And...I'm going to throw up if you won't stop spinning me...

He lowered her down and turned her around. He wrapped his arms around her and grabbed her hands in his own. Then he pressed his cheek against her and smiled. - So, my dearest wife. Would you like to dance?

\- There's no music, Sura whispered. (_"Never hesitate".)_

\- We can dance to the beat of our hearts, Vilkas murmured into her ear. It tickled, she sniggered, cocked her head and drew her ear back. She turned to look at him. And then there was nothing else but him. He bent down, kissed her and this time he wasn't about to back away. His lips lingered on hers, he brought his other hand to her face and slowly turned her around. His hands slid underneath her arms and he pulled her closer to his body.

\- I love you, Vilkas softly said. - Don't be afraid of me.

\- I don't want to be, Sura pressed herself closer and this time she opened her mouth to him. His soft tongue, warm and gentle, explored her mouth, touched hers and lured it out to dance. He didn't push himself on her and his caresses were tender and soft. He was in no hurry.

He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. His lips never left hers even when he slowly placed her amongs the soft blankets and lushy pillows. She looked up at him and when he began to unbutton his shirt, she lifted her hands and helped him. One after another, slow and meticulous. When they reached the last button Vilkas took her hands into his and brought them up to his lips. He didn't want to miss anything, neglect her in any way. They had the whole night ahead of them. They could remain inside these walls as long as they wanted. He removed the flower wreath from her head and placed it on the table next to the bed. Then his finger once again found that dark spiral on the top of her other ear.

\- Last time I didn't see where this ended, he smiled.

\- It's a road, Sura pulled herself up to her knees and touched his face. Her lovely face looked down upon him, her blue eyes serious and sincere. - A road to a place no one has ever seen. A road no one has ever walked before. (_"Go wherever your heart takes you.")_

\- Will you allow me to walk that road? Vilkas' hands wrapped around her waist, he pressed his face against her neck and inhaled her intoxicating scent. - And see where it takes us?

\- And if...there are obstacles? Sura caressed his hair.

\- We will find a way together, he assured her.

\- And if there is a...huge tree that we can't climb over? she asked again with a trembling voice. - Or if someone...blocks the way?

\- I'm here with you, Vilkas whispered. - Right here. There is nothing for you to be afraid of. If you say no, I will stop. No matter what.

\- Thank you, Sura closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his. She remained silent for a while. (_"Go wherever your heart takes you, my dear. And never hesitate.")_ He only heard the wind whispering outside, saw the last rays of the sun when it begun to set behind Lake Honrich. And then her quiet, shy voice reached his ear: - Then, you have my permission to walk on that road and see where it leads.

* * *

_A/N: For the next chapter... adult content warning (for obvious reasons)!_


	59. Love will make us

_A/N: Adult content warning. This chapter contains: fluff, romantic stuff, passion and sexual content. Not suitable for children. _

* * *

**59\. Love will make us**

His hands on her body were light like butterfly wings. Soft and tender. Delicate and smooth. And wherever his fingers touched his lips followed. Her arm, her shoulder, her collarbone, her neck, her cheek. As he slowly pushed the flowing fabric away she felt the cool wind on her skin. He noticed the goosepumps, stood up and closed the window. He returned to her and his warm body chased the cold away. The strong walls that protected her heart began to give away. The walls that she had put up to help her cope with what happened. it was cracking like an ice dam when the warm spring winds blew from the south. As his hands glided down her back and reached her behind, her head arched back, his lips caressed her neck and she sighed.

Her hands found the smooth skin of his stomach. Underneath his open shirt. She brushed it lightly. She was about to pull her hands away but Vilkas pressed his own hands on top of hers and guided her. His abdomen, his flat stomach, his hairy chest and all the way up to his neck, to his chin and to his lips. She noticed that her hands liked the way his skin felt. And so she allowed them to wander, to explore him and to find new places. She slid the shirt of his shoulders, leaned forward and kissed the skin that was littered with scars. Wherever she looked, there were scars. Old ones that she could barely see, new ones that were still visible and reddish. The scars connected to each other and told her a story. A story of her man, story of a warrior and a fighter. A man who had shed blood but also spilled it. A story of a man who was a human but also something else. Something dark and sinister.

While Sura's hands roamed his body, Vilkas carefully slid the dress off her and it fell to her waist. Her hands came to a complete stop and her blue eyes stared at him. She wasn't naked, underneath the dress she wore a simple undecorated breast band. But the last time they were so intimate, she was completely covered by a sleeping roll, Vilkas layed behind her and he didn't see so much. Now, under the bright wall scones, the candles and they dying rays of the setting sun she felt herself so vulnerable. Vilkas didn't touch her. He gave her time, as much as she needed. His eyes found hers and they told her that she was beautiful to him.

_"Never hesitate. Go wherever your heart takes you."_

She swallowed and lifted her hands. She so wanted to corver herself but not because she thought herself ugly. Because there were marks on her body...marks left behind by "_it". _And the last thing she wanted was to bring that creature between them.

\- I love you, Vilkas sensed her hesitation and took her hands into his. His voice was calm and sincere. - Everything about you. Your past, your present, all the things in between. They are part of you. I love you as whole. I didn't choose bits and pieces from here and there. I chose you, my love. You. The one who used to be Zahraji. The one who now is Sura. But we can stop here if you want. We don't have to go any further.

\- No, she grabbed his hands. - I don't want to...stop...

He smiled, leaned towards her and once again conquered her with his soft lips and warm kisses. His hands persuaded her to lie down on the bed. Gently he turned her over so that his lips found the sensitive spots on the nape of her neck. It was an odd, arousing feeling and she didn't even notice how soft moans escaped her lips. But Vilkas did. Those were good sounds, sounds he wanted to hear and produce. He smiled and continued on. He propped himself on his strong arms and travelled down her back. Soon his mouth met the waistline of the dress. He slid his hands back up and this time Sura squirmed underneath his touch. Her sides were very ticklish and sensitive and she let out a shy giggle.

Vilkas kept his own lust at bay. He was highly aroused, the throbbing hard-on in his pants was almost too painful. Hid blood demanded more, wanted more. But his respect for his beloved was too great. He didn't want to disgrace her or ruin this moment by hurrying along. And the last thing he wanted was her to remember that awful experience at Mistwatch. His goal was to erase all of that. After tonight the Orc would truly be dead and gone.

He pulled the dress away and layed it carefully down on top of the drawer. It was Sura's wedding gown, he didn't want to show disrespect towards that either. When he turned back to her, she peeked at him. Then she buried her blushing face back to the pillow. Vilkas smiled and touched her, ran his fingers down her spine. She reacted to his touch by arching her back and when he reached her behind she lifted her backside to the air and purred. Her tail swiped back and forth and twice it slapped him softly to the face. He was amused, laughter rumbled in his chest but he couldn't stop caressing that spot which made her act this way. And this particular sight, her face still buried in the pillow, her behind high up in the air, her claws squeezing the sheets, her tail wiggling like it had a mind of its own, all that was oddly erotic and arousing. Finally Vilkas allowed his fingers to move on, down her silky tail and to the very end of its furry tip. Only then he noticed that the spiral ended somewhere in there.

\- Well, aren't you a sneaky one, he smiled to his wife. - You tricked me last time.

\- Why...whatever do you mean? Sura asked with an innocent voice.

\- This "road" of yours, Vilkas followed the path up from her tail, through her back and on top of her other ear. - You told me that it goes to the front. But it doesn't.

\- It...it doesn't? she looked at him like she didn't know what he meant.

\- It starts from here, Vilkas caressed her ear. - And then it goes down here, his index finger once again travelled down her back. - And then...it fades somewhere at the end of your tail, doesn't it?

\- Really? Sura turned to look where he pointed. - Oh...it does...how strange. I never noticed that.

\- Strange? Vilkas lifted her chin with his fingers. - Sound to me, dear wife, that you are not that familiar with your own body.

\- Should I be? Sura batted her eyelashes.

\- No, Vilkas shook his head. - But I want to be. I want to know it better than you.

His lips once again came to hers. And this time he turned her around so that she was laying on her back against the pillows. His mouth was warm and wet when it glided down her neck. He slowed down and felt her pulse underneath her skin, it was beating hard and fast. But her quiet cries told him it was not because of fear. His right hand brushed her stomach which was smooth and hairless. He lifted his face and this time he actually saw that her fur thinned out and completely ended somewhere around her collarbones. Her small breasts, which were still covered by the breast band, her stomach and her lower abdomen were bare and soft. He wasn't sure was it just a trait for the species but his eyes she looked absolutely beautiful and desirable.

Sura inhaled deeply when his hands touched her breasts. At first he circled the round mounds and then he consentrated his touch on her nipples, which became hard, small nubs. She pressed her head against the pillows, threw her hands up and jammed her claws into the wooden headboard. Vilkas' mouth drew a wet path from her neck down to her bosom. He slipped his hand underneath the cloth and she didn't even notice when he pulled the fabric away, she only felt a delicious hot feeling that pooled somewhere down in her stomach and between her legs. Unconciously she rubbed her thighs together and he calmed her down by placing his hand on top of her right leg. His mouth tasted her skin, first between the low valley between her breasts and then it moved in small circles until it closed around her nipple. She wailed and her head spun from side to side. She was feeling hot and something was boiling inside her. She only hoped that she wouldn't burst into flames and literally light the bed on fire.

Vilkas adored her body, every sound he heard. With every touch he made the horrors of Mistwatch fade away, with every kiss he slowly erased the bad memories of her past. He looked up at her and when their eyes met, he saw that her gaze was filled with need. Filled with unsaid words and pleas. She wasn't able to speak them outloud but he knew where to go from there. He dipped his mouth and resumed his ministrations, his tongue, his lips and his teeth gently nippled and sucked her. At the same time his other hand slid down her body, light as a feather. He stopped at her bellybutton and she giggled and squirmed underneath his touch.

Vilkas' hand continued on but he was having a very difficult time. His pants felt like they were about to explode. But he forced himself to consentrate on her pleasure and her enjoyment. The sounds she made were intoxicating and he wanted to hear more. His fingers traced the outline of her small clothes. He didn't want to go any further if she refused him. But when her hand came to his, when her eyes encouraged him, he didn't hesistate. With one fluid movement he slipped his fingers inside her small clothes. Her breathing was now very heavy and irregular. She couldn't remain quiet when his hand slowly dived deeper and mapped her molten core. She pressed her hands against her mouth to prevent the obvious moans and cries but now she was having difficulties to breath.

Vilkas was very close to erupting like the Red Mountain. He inhaled deeply, travelled down her body and his mouth found her stomach. She was wet and warm and tight underneath his exploring fingers. He he didn't push or shove himself in, he slowly mapped her folds, explored and discovered the secret places that made her squirm and wail. He located the small, hard nub and circled it with his thumb. She cried out, lunged her claws into the expensive bed sheets and he heard the sound of ripping fabric. The image of her sharp claws on his back later during the night felt very alluring and enticing.

Sura didn't know how she drew breath anymore. Every fibre of being being was consentrated on that small portion of her lower body. She had no idea that something so powerful could be be ignited with such gentlesness. When he softly pressed one finger inside her and slightly curved it upwards, she lost every rational though in her brains. Up until know she was still able to think and analyze how this felt and would she able to give herself away. She had no doubts, no regrets, no concerns. She spread her legs wider and he called for the Divines to help him. She felt how he slid her undergarments down her thighs and pulled them off. She opened her eyes and he once again looked at her. Asking for a permission. Ready to back off if she so wanted. She saw the sweat gleaming on his forehead and noticed the obvious puldge in his pants. He was holding himself off for her. And she had never felt such deep, owerpowering love before.

She nodded and he tenderly nudged her knees apart. He kissed her stomach and her fingers dived in his hair. He felt how she pushed her lower and he was happy to oblige. When his warm mouth tasted her, her eyes widened and she inhaled sharply. She was trying to get away from him and at the same time pull him closer. She wasn't sure what she was trying to do. This kind of intimacy, this kind of pleasure was completely strange to her. But she enjoyed every moment. He used his hands to spread her open to his lips and to his tongue. Slowly he pushed a finger inside her, and when she didn't resist, he added another, turned his hand and curled his fingers upwards. His mouth focused on her hot, pulsating core that sent ways of pleasure all over her body. Her inner walls clamped around his fingers, she was breathing heavily, repeating his name over and over.

Vilkas was forced to unbutton his pants, pull them down and kick them away. There was no way he could contain his erection inside those tight leather trousers any longer. The preassure was released, momentarily. He was still wearing his breeches but he was determined to keep them on for a little while longer. To get his needs in control he once again consentrated on his wife and her pleasure. He glanced up at her. This was his woman, enveloped in passion, in the hot flames of love. There was no one else in this place, just the two of them. Vilkas moved his fingers in and out, his mouth gently suckled and licked her. Sura closed her eyes, her hands were on his hair, his shoulders, his arms. She tried to pull him up and keep him down at the same time. When her hands literally set on fire, when she felt the spells boiling beneath the surface, she waved the flames out and tried to keep her magical essence at bay. His mouth and fingers brought her closer and closer to the edge. And then she was pushed over, unexpectetly and suddenly, her whole body shook and her limbs began to tremble. She was convulsing, riding his fingers, tried to find something she could hold on to. A thin layer of sweat covered her, her toes curled up and her tail became fuzzy and electrified. She grabbed a pillow and smacked it over her face. Her claws ripped larger holes into the sheet but she didn't care. All that mattered was this moment, this man, this love.

Vilkas watched her. When she reached her peak and when she slowly came back down. He was relieved and happy to see that she was able to enjoy this. Before this night he had his concerns but now it felt like it was smooth sailing from here on end. He kissed her body up, to her stomach, to her breasts, neck and chin. He pushed the pillow away and kissed her softly on the lips. When she opened her eyes, they both smiled. Her small hands touched his chest and slid down to the waistband of his breeches. Her eyes found his and she slowly pulled them of. When he felt her curious fingers on his erection, he bit his lip and held back a desperate cry. The iron chains that held him off were now very, very frail. She caressed him and stroked him, tried to familiarize herself with his manhood. He touched her chin, lifted her face and kissed her passionately. Then he slowly layed her on her back, settled between her legs and looked straight into her eyes.

\- I love you, he whispered and kissed her forehead. - And I'll promise to be gentle.

She felt his hot, hard erection between her legs. It was trying to push its way inside her and suddenly a pain that was not supposed to be there stung her like a poisoned dagger. She didn't know what happened. She didn't want it to happen and for a moment she fought against it, tried to hold on to the warm, loving moments they just shared. But suddenly things changed. Vilkas saw it immediately and pulled away. There was pure panic in her eyes. She was completely frozen underneath him.

\- Sura? he whispered her name.

She stared at him with dead eyes that were strange and filled with terror. She was trembling and when Vilkas tried to touch her, her hand came up, hard and desperate, her claws spread out and she ripped long, bleeding cuts on his upper arm. He didn't care about that, his main concern at this moment was his wife. She curled up in a ball, covered herself with her arms, her eyes were still wild and petrified. Vilkas wasn't sure what he could do. When he tried to come closer, she wailed, pushed her plankets aside and ran away from the bed. She disappeared down the hatch that led to the basement. He wasn't sure should he follow her or not. His arm was tingiling with pain and he realized he would stain the bed with his blood. He got up, pulled his breeched back on and glanced towards the ladder. Then he picked up a planket and followed her. He found her covering in the darkers corner of the room, naked and terrified. He knelt down and wrapped the blanket around her.

\- Not here, not here, she repeated over and over again and her eyes were locked somewhere in the distance, looking at things that he would never be able to see.

He said her name, over and over again but she didn't hear him. She was one again sealed in that small, stinking cell, waiting for the Orc to come, listening to his steps. Those heavy, hefty footsteps that were still engraved to her mind. He was there, still alive. And Vilkas could do nothing but watch as his wife, the woman he loved, suffered in that lonely, horrible place where he could not follow.


	60. If I fall? If I fly?

_A/N: This chapter contains adult content. Not suitable for children.  
_

* * *

**60\. If I fall? If I fly?  
**

He didn't count the hours. He was prepared to be there as long as needed. When she finally returned to him, it was early morning. But he wasn't sure because he didn't care. He sat next to her, not close enough to touch. But right there so that he could easily hold her if she needed him. She flinched and Vilkas glanced at her. Sura blinked and then that terrifying lost gaze in her eyes began to vanish. After few minutes her head moved, she looked around and saw him. She seemed confused but that turned into regret and then to saddness when she realized what happened.

\- I'm...I'm sorry, she wept and hid her face into her palms.

\- Sura, Vilkas reached out to her, pulled her into his arms and gently rocked her from side to side. - There's nothing to be sorry about.

\- I don't know what happened, she kept crying and her gasping was the sadest voice he had ever heard. This was supposed to be the happiest time of their lives. And here they were, in this dark, dusty basement, sitting on the cold floor, enveloped by bad memories, pain and agony.

\- It's alright, he hushed. - Everything is fine.

\- I didn't mean to go there, she lifted her face. - I...oh Divines! What is that?

She pointed towards the bleeding cuts in his arm. He had completely forgotten them. The wounds were still midly throbbing but the bleeding had stopped and the dried up blood covered almost his whole hand.

\- I did that? Sura covered her mouth with his hands and another set of tears filled her eyes. - Me?

\- It didn't hurt, he tried to explain. - And...

\- Don't say it didn't hurt! she got up and backed away from him. - How could I do something like that? Hurt you like this?

\- Calm down, love, Vilkas took her hands into his. - Please, just calm down.

\- This is not right, Sura shook her head. - You should not have to tolerate something like this. Why did you want me? Why did marry me?

\- That's enough, Vilkas embraced her. - Don't talk like that. I know who you are. I know who I am. And I know what I want. Neither of us is perfect. We just have to learn to live with that.

Sura could only cry in his arms. Desperate, lonely tears that came somewhere from deep within her. From a place she though she'd left behind. Because of something she thought she had buried and forgotten. But here it was, once again. Pushing between her and her husband. She wrapped her arms around his waist and her cries turned into screams. Vilkas just held her, there was nothing else he could do.

Finally, when the sun rised couple of hours later, he carried her back to upstairs and layed her on the bed. She was exhausted and tired and he pulled the planket on top of her. Then he walked to the kitchen table, picked up a wet cloth and cleaned himself up. The scratches on his arm were deep but not already healing. His beasts was quick to make sure he wouldn't perish or lose too much blood. He walked back to the bed and layed next to her, pulled her close to his body and hugged her. He didn't know what else to do to make her feel like she was protected and loved. After a little while her body relaxed and he knew she fell asleep. Her breathing became steady and calm and her body relaxed. At least she felt safe with him like this. He didn't feel tired and her pain had released the beast within him. Because she was now married to him, she was his wife, the wolf also wanted to procect its mate. If there was someone it could rip apart because of this, he would have gladly set it free. But that had happened a long time ago. And it was so brutal that Vilkas didn't really want to remember. Usually those particular memories were hazy and foggy but this one was clear and sharp and it came to him way too often.

He didn't want to fall asleep but when Sura woke up couple of hours later, she heard his steady, calm breathing and realized that he was sleeping. Carefully she turned around and watched him. He was laying on his back, his eyes were closed and his face was peaceful. She had never seen him sleeping before, she knew his beastblood usually made him restless. She carefully leaned closer and wondered how deeply he was sleeping. Did she dare to move or would that wake him up? She looked at his naked upper torso. His broad chest was covered with hair. His arms were muscular and strong. His stomach flat and toned. There was nothing scary about him. So why had she reacted like that?

Sura quietly sat up and frowned. She didn't want to feel like this anymore. Everything had been so beautiful last night up until that moment when he tried to make love to her. Why did her body react like it did? She seriously analyzed her behaviour and decided to go forth and try to forget what had happened. She grabbed the planket and slowly pulled it down. He wasn't wearing anything underneath it and she openely stared at his body, marveled its flexible muscles and the skin covered with scars. Her gaze fixated on his manhood that was not laying soft and flat between his thighs. It didn't look scary at all. She glanced up, his eyes were still closed and Sura pricked her ears. No, his breathing hadn't changed either.

She knelt down and tossed the planket to the floor. She wanted to touch his body but she wasn't sure where to begin. _Don't think so hard! _she told herself. Her fingertips brushed his abdomen. He flinched, she stopped and held her breath. When he settled down, she continued on. His chesthair was thick and tangled and her hands dove between the strands. She enjoyed the feeling and she slowly combed them with her fingers. The most interesting part of his body however was beneath his stomach and her eyes found their way there, over and over again. She blinked when she noticed some movement down there. She pressed her index finger against her lips and watched as that soft, fleshy member came to life in front of her eyes. She hadn't even touched it and Vilkas' eyes were still closed. But even when it was hard and stiff like this, it didn't look scary.

Vilkas was wide awake but he kept his eyes closed and tried his best to keep his breathing calm and steady. As soon as her hands touched his chest, he was immediately awoken. He peeked between his eyelids and immediately closed them when she glanced at him. It seemed that she wanted to "study" him in private and he was more than happy to allow that to her. If it alleviated her fears in any way, he was ready to lay here motionless, preteding to be asleep for the whole week if necessary.

Sura watched Vilkas and when there was no reaction, she turned her attention to the throbbing member in front of her. She lifted her hands and touched it, very lightly and gently. It twitched under her fingers and she smiled to herself. Not scary at all, she was actually having a pretty good time. She began to stroke it, slowly up and down. At that point, Vilkas had to bite his lip and he swallowed hard. He was forced to breath through his nose and he literally felt like he was going to suffocate. Soon enough he would be gasping for air. Sura's eyes moved from his erection to his face. Her hands stopped. He tried to hold in his disappointment but then he felt her raspy tongue on his stomach. At that point he couldn't remain quiet any longer. A sharp moan escaped his lips and he had to inhale deeply.

\- I know you are awake, Sura whispered. - But pretend like you are sleeping, please.

He silently nodded and kept his eyes closed. He was now able to breath through his mouth and he panted when her warm, wet mouth closed around his stiff shaft. He slapped his hand on top of his mouth and his fist clasped the sheets. He did his best to remain quiet but it seemed to be impossible. When he let out a small whimper, he felt her sharp fangs sink into his flesh. She didn't bite hard and they didn't puncture his skin but he bit his lips tight together and decided he would not risk it. The last thing he wished that his wife bit off the tip of his throbbing hard-on.

The word "_fear_" was not the first thing in her mind when she bent her head down and took him inside her mouth. The scent of his skin, the warm feeling inside her lower stomach, the wetness between her thighs, and the way he struggled to keep quiet and let her enjoy this experience made her feel comfortable and safe. The thing in her hand was a interesting piece of male anatomy. She had never seen it so close and wanted to get familiar with it. And it seemed to react very strongly to her touch. She held it in her hands and gently nibbled the top. Something sticky was coming out of the small hole but it didn't taste bad. She glanced up a Vilkas. The look on his face was very worrying. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. Sura released him and wondered what she should do next.

_"Go wherever you heart takes you."_ Alright, mother, Sura pushed Namada out of her head. This was certainly not a time for her mother to appear. This was a time for her and for her husband. But what mother had said held the truth, Sura realized. She should leave her irrational fear behind and put her complete faith and trust to this love that she and Vilkas shared. She looked at his face, his gorgeous body, his hard member and knew where that particular part was meant to go. Where it wanted to be. And where she wanted it to be. She didn't hesitate when she lifted her other leg and straddled him. At that point Vilkas' eyes flashed open. Sura smiled to him, grabbed the headboard and leaned forward so that she was able to kiss him. Then she touched him with her other hand and guided him to the right place.

Vilkas embedded his hands deep into the sheets. He desperately wanted to touch her, lift his hands to her hips and help her but he knew she had to do this herself. So he remained motionless and didn't move a muscle. He was no able to hold his breath when her tight, wet inner walls closed around him. He moaned and her lips were on his, her hands buried into the pillow next to his head. She moved very gradually, she wanted her body to get used to him. Accept him. At some point her hands began to tremble and she was sure the panicky feelings would return. But she took his hands and placed them to her breasts. And his soft, tender touch helped her to get over it. She lifted herself up, her claws dug down to his stomach but he didn't care. She lowered herself all the way and they both let out a cry of pleasure. Sura threw her head back, Vilkas wrapped his hands around her and propped himself up. He was completely buried inside her and the feeling was almost too unreal. Sura's hands touched his hair, she looked at him and he smiled.

\- Do you still want me to sleep? he mumbled against her lips. - I don't think I'll be able to.

\- You seem to be wide awake, Sura laughed and her tender giggle turned into a cry of plesure when Vilkas embraced her and lifted her higher.

He was careful with his movements but knew he woudn't be able to last long. She swayed in his lap, her claws lodged somewhere down his back, her blue eyes were big and sparkling. His mouth found her neck and then her breasts and she moaned. The pleasure was building up inside her, his movements touched some magical place and every thrust made her feel more and more alive. She told him she loved him, that she needed him and she wanted him. She cupped his face and kissed him and tried to convey all the feelins she wanted to say but couldn't. There were no words for something this beautiful, even repeating "_I love you_" over and over again wasn't equal to the immense pleasure she was feeling.

Their rhytm quickened, Sura grabbed the sheets and tore some more holes into them. She lifted her arms, the ripped cloth hanged from her claws and when she embraced him, the strips of fabric bound them together. Vilkas wasn't sure he could hold out much longer but he wanted to her to come first. And few frantic thrusts later he felt how she tightened around him, how her walls began to convulse, how she threw her hair back and how once again she released a spell that covered them in cold mist. His skin crawled, he was hot and cold at the same time but the effect caused him to climax together with her. She was gasping for air, her blood was on fire but her skin was frozen. She heard the sounds but she couldn't see anything. Something heavy and deadly struck the wooden roofbeams over her head.

Vilkas collapsed on his back and he pulled Sura with him. They laid there together, both trying catch their breath. His eyes were closed and suddenly he felt like something cold and wet was dripping on his forehead. He peeked between his eyelids and noticed the two melting ice spikes high up in the ceiling. He smiled and felt himself very pleased. This time it was two. Last time it was only one.

\- So, Vilkas said when he was able to breath calmly. - Ice spikes once again?

\- Where? Sura asked and looked where he pointed. - Oh, there. Good thing they landed there and not on your head.

\- I don't think I would have noticed, Vilkas embraced her and laughed.

\- Making love to a corpse is not my ideal wedding night, Sura replied but a happy smiled brightened her face as well.

\- Good thing you are not intersted in necromancy, my love, Vilkas planted a kiss on her forehead.

She was quiet for a while. Then she lifted her head and now her eyes were serious. - Thank you for being so patient with me.

He kissed her and pulled her back into his arms. Sura sighed, closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. This was it, truly being alive and happy. To finally leave behind the plains of misery of pain. She swore to herself that she would never, ever visit that place again. Inside her head a heavy metal door closed. It was locked and the key was thrown away. And few moments later the door disapperared in to a thick fog. And she never again found herself stading in front of it.

* * *

_A/N: I guess this was kind of long and mushy, but I have my reasons. Basically Sura's first sexual experience was very bad, she was brutally gang raped. Something like that is very traumatic and leaves terrible memories and nightmares behind. To give her the justice she deserves I wanted to make this very warm, beautiful and slow. It would not have been right to just have her and Vilkas have a quickie and then move on, I'm sure many of you would have been a disappointed at that as well. But I hope that this was all that you hoped for and I personally was quite happy of how it turned out to be.  
_


	61. I forgot I was broken

**61\. I forgot I was broken**

In the next few days, Riften was a happy place for the two of them. Wherever they went, all they saw was beauty. The autumn leaves that swooshed at their feet when they walked hand in hand in the woods, the gorgeous sunsets and sunrises when they stayed outside the whole night, made love in forest and at the shore by the lake. And when the light painted the mountains, the trees and the water, they sat together, arms around each other and just enjoyed these rare, unique moments.

Sura has never been this happy before. She felt like Vilkas knew her every word, every though, every idea. They were sharing a bond that was almost dreamlike, almost magical. Before she even said anything, Vilkas already knew what she meant. He knew when she wanted to crawl into his arms, lay her head on his chest and just be there, feel him and embrace him. And when she wanted something more, when her only wish was to get him out of his clothes as fast as possible. And that happened way too often after their first night. They were both consumed by passion, they made love whenever and wherever they could. When they managed to kill three frostbite spiders, it didn't take long for them to be naked and rolling on the ground next to the stinking creatures that now reeked of poison and rotting flesh.

When Brynjolf came to visit he was literally shocked when he saw the state of bed. His head snapped towards them and Sura cleared her throat. Brynjolf's voice was a little too soft when he asked them had they any idea how much the bed cost to him. They shook their heads in unison. And how much it took from him to bribe Balimund - twice. Once again, the shook their heads.

\- You two are way too lustful, Brynjolf sighed and rolled his eyes. - Why not do it elsewhere? I could have used this bed later.

\- What? Sura cocked her eyebrow. - You want it for yourself?

\- Yes, it would look great on my personal chamber, Brynjolf smirked.

\- Get a new one, Sura told him. - Don't you have contacts?

\- This was the Emperor's bed, Brynjolf explained and when he saw a skeptical look on their faces he continued. - Well...okay, not exactly. But it belonged to a high noble in the Imperial City. Very close to the Emperor.

\- Why would you want a wedding gift back? Vilkas asked him.

\- When did I say it was a gift, wolf? Brynjolf looked at him. - It was a loan. I don't give expensive things away.

\- He. Has. A. Name, Sura poked his chest and with each word she pressed her finger a little harder. - Use. It.

\- Ow, that hurts, lass, Brynjolf rubbed his chest.

\- I will hurt you much harder if you don't start calling him by his real name, Sura stated.

\- She will, Vilkas nodded. - She's very scary when she's angry. I wouldn't risk it.

\- That explains a lot, Brynjolf smirked. - But not everything. The countless holes in the roof and in the walls. You want to explain how those got there?

\- No, Sura smiled to him. - As far I remember, this is not your house. J'Ziir bough it and gave it us.

Brynjolf crossed his arms. This little sister of his had grown a lot. When she and J'Ziir first appeared back into his life, Raji was a little fidgety and timid. But now she stood her ground and didn't back away. Brynjolf was actually quite proud of her and knew that the biggest reason for her strenght stood right to her. Brynjolf didn't underestimate love. He had seen its power, felt it himself couple of times. And he was pretty sure he was tiny bit in love with Aura. That girl was irresistible. And if it was him and her, they would smashed the bed too. And it would look far worse than it did now.

\- Alright, Brynjolf hugged her. - I'll leave you alone. It seems to me that you two are way too eager to get rid of me and destroy that bed for good. Well, it's all yours. Just be careful of splinters.

Sura giggled and pushed him out of the door. And when she turned back at Vilkas, he glanced the bed and his eyes threw her a challenge. _Why not take his advice? _his eyes teased her. _Are you brave enough, my love?_

\- Are you doubting me? she walked back to him and swayed her hips. When she reached him, her tail swooped up and the soft fur caressed his arms. - Do you think I don't have what it takes?

\- I don't doubt you, dear, Vilkas chuckled. - But if you keep shooting those ice spikes, the roof is going to come down on us.

\- Oh, and that doesn't sound fun to you? Sura kissed his neck.

\- Buried in rubble and having to dig us both out? Vilkas asked.

\- Where's your adventurous spirit? Sura cocked her eyebrow. - Didn't we already make love next to three spiders?

\- Umm...those were dead, Vilkas reminded her. - But the roof could kill us.

\- Hmm, Sura tapped her lips with her finger. - How about...we test out the basement? The floor and the walls are made of stone.

\- And the roof down there is the bedroom floor, Vilkas couldn't hold his laughter. - And if that collapses, the heavy, Imperial bed is going to crush us both.

\- Then we have other choice but to go outside, Sura pulled him towards the door.

\- What? To the porch? he was genuinely surprised. - And if someone sees us?

\- Then I'll kill them, she smiled to him as she swung open the door. - With my ice spikes.

\- You're scary, Vilkas grabbed her into his arms. - But I love you.

Dark thunder clouds rolled over Lake Honrich and brought with it a grey veil of rain. It covered the city and drove most people indoors. But at the porch of Honeyside, the two of them were lost in each other. The rain didn't disturb them, the thunder or the lighting didn't reach their world. That private place they shared was filled with passion, love and intimicy. There were no secrets, no shame, no pride. They both wanted to give as much as they could, let the other feel enjoyment and satisfaction. And as the heavy thunder slowly faded away, they layed in each others arms and watched as the sun once again made the lake sparkle like diamonds.

Neither of them wanted to move. At first Sura was sure that the never-ending bounding came from somewhere else, maybe the dockworkers had returned to the piers but when it didn't end she glanced at Vilkas. He also heard it and turned towards the door. He reached out and pulled it ajar. Now they both heard the loud banging coming from their front door. It sounded like someone desperately needed help. Vilkas stood up, pulled his pants on and walked to the door. Sura wrapped the planket around her and listened. She didn't quite hear what happened but a man's voice said something about a note and Whiterun. Then she heard the door closing and after that...nothing. She walked inside and Vilkas was reading something. His eyes moved fast and with every passing moment Sura begun to feel worse. His expressions told her that it was not good news. She tossed the planket aside and dressed herself.

\- What's happened? she asked him. - Who's it from?

\- Farkas, Vilkas replied. He pulled his shirt on and buttoned it. Then he turned to look for his armor and when he found it, he begun to buckle it up. - Something has happened.

\- What? Sura tried to reach his gaze. - Vilkas, please...you're scaring me.

\- Kodlak and Skjor are dead, Vilkas mumbled. Everything had suddenly turned into a huge mess. Farkas' note wasn't very long but he understood most of it. - Aela is on some strange personal vendetta, The Companions are leaderless and Farkas doesn't know what to do.

\- Dead? Sura was shocked. - How...who killed them?

\- The Silver Hand attacked Jorrvaskr, Vilkas grabbed his sword and strapped it onto his back. - They're a bunch of people who hate werewolves. All they want is to kill us all and...if I don't go back this will all end up in a disaster.

\- I'll come with you, Sura said and begun to back her things.

\- No, Vilkas stopped her and she looked at him, angrily. - Please, love. Just stay here for now. I don't know how bad things are but...I'd feel better if I know you are here. Safe with Brynjolf.

\- But I want to go back with you, Sura insisted. - Maybe I can help somehow.

\- I know you want to stay with me, Vilkas kissed her forehead. - And I want nothing more but to remain at your side. But this could be dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt. You are way too important to me.

\- Alright, she sighed. - Alright, I'll stay, but not for long. Whiterun is my home as well and I want to go back.

\- We'll get back there, Vilkas promised and kissed her. - And I'll be waiting for you when you come.

\- Promise? Sura embraced her.

\- I swear, Vilkas stroke her hair.

He lifted her chin with his hand and kissed her gently one last time. He smiled to her, caressed her face and turned to leave. Sura accompanied him to the door. And when she saw his broad back disappear around the corner, a terrifying fear settled inside her heart. For some reason she was absolutely sure she would never see him again. That this was the last time she would ever see him. Suddenly a bright flash came to her. It felt odd and it was exactly the same kind of feeling she had just before they arrived to Kynesgrove, all those weeks ago. Like a vision of something...

That time she had seen a dying woman laying on a stone floor and someone yelling her name. This time she saw a small, dirty cell and a man crawling on the floor, wearing nothing but worn out, bloody rags. Tortured and starving, caught in between two worlds where he could never escape. Sura shook her head and shut the door behind her. She leaned on it and closed her eyes. The image was gone and she didn't regognize the man in the vision. But she prayed and prayed that it wouldn't be Vilkas. And that he would be waiting for her in Whiterun, like he promised.

* * *

_A/N: These past few chapters have been just about Sura and Vilkas and their love. But soon enough we will get back to our other couple and maybe get some "progress" in there as well. Hope you're enjoying, dear readers :)._


	62. Pain will be your path

**62\. Pain will be your path**

Vilkas didn't waste time when he left Riften. Abaccus was also eager to leave, it lifted its hoofs and waved its head when it saw him coming. He patted it on to its back, saddled it and left Riften. He felt bad for leaving Sura behind but he truly felt like she was safer here. Brynjolf would look after her. It was late afternoon but he wasn't about to stop for the night. Farkas' note concerned him. Kodlak was dead, Skjor was dead and Aela's need to revenge Skjor's death took her wherever she felt necessary. She had never admitted it but they had been more than just comrades. More than friends, more than family. And so he understood her pain but he also knew that her was was not the right way. He had no idea how he could explain it to her and would he ever get her to listen. He also understood that the Companions were falling apart. There was no one who was giving advice, receiving messages from the people who needed help. Farkas did his best to keep the place intact and the people in line but his messy handwriting told him that he was at his wits end and desperately needed his brother back.

Vilkas had no idea what would happen when he would reach Whiterun. It seemed almost too obvious that Farkas wanted him to take the reins. But he had never wanted to be the leader or take Kodlak's place. He was not able to give out advice and he usually followed his instincts. Analyzing the situations thoroughly before making a deicions sounded way too complicated for him. But Kodlak always managed that. To keep them all in line and to see what bothered them, reach out and help them in their problems. And now his Master was gone. And Skjor was gone. His older brother, the war veteran who had seen almost anything Skryim had to offer, faced all the beasts and creatures of the wild, the one who ran throug the forests and under the moon with her fearless huntress. That brother was now gone. The Silver Hand had taken him. And the more he thought about it, the more his anger rose. And more agitaded his beast became.

He rode through the forest and avoided the roads. It was quicker and faster and he decided to use the mountain path that eventually passed Helgen and led to Riverwood. Abaccus was used to accending the roads of Skyrim and didn't protest when he led it to the narrow, rocky road. The warm colors of Riften were long gone and as the night wrapped itself around him, the cold wind threw snow and ice at his path. It didn't matter to him, his goal was Whiterun and he was about to get there, one way or another.

Suddenly he felt how the wolf inside him broke his chains and the destroyed the heavy door. He knew it was regenerating and wanted to be set free. It had been patient, it had allowed him to spend unforgettable, loving moments with the woman he adored. It had allowed it because now the wolf considered Sura as its mate and out of respect for her, it stayed back. It had not interfered. But now it wanted to smell the cold air, it wanted to run through the forerst and drink the blood of its enemies. Its capitivity was over. And what made its blood pump harder was the deaths of its familymembers. Its master and its Shield-Brother were gone. It craved for revenge but Vilkas knew its time would come. He calmed it down, and pushed it back, it roared at him and wanted to emerge without his permission. He was forced to pull Abaccus to a stop and the stallion waved its head. It sensed its owner was about to change but it had seen this fransformation many times and it knew it was safe. Even when the smell meant danger its trust to its owner was greater than fear.

Vilkas fought back, grit his teeth together and ordered the wolf to retreat. Now was not the time. No matter how much it felt like it was deprived of its freedom, he was not about to let it emerge. The wolf was enraged but Vilkas held it inside. And when his hands stopped trembling, he decided he was ready to move on. He knew this was just temporary. His grey eyes were now golden and his vision was clear and sharp. The wolf was waiting for its opportunity. Vilkas shook his head and urged Abaccus to move forward. The stallion continued on the narrow path and the wind gained strenght. The snowfall was heavy now, almost too blinding to see through. He wasn't exactly sure how far he was, the straight cliffs didn't tell him much and the path still led upwards. He wasn't able to see the stars or the moons, the air was filled with snow and ice.

Suddenly there was a human standing on front of him. Abaccus slowed down and the figure disappered. Vilkas turned. There was someone behind him. Light steps in the snow. Following him. Normally he wouldn't have heard it but now that his eyes were blazing and the wolf's blood pumped inside him, his ears and his eyes were sharp and keen. He untied the leather string that held his sword in its place and was ready to pull it out. Then he listened. And heard nothing but the wind. He spurred Abaccus on. And after a while he saw the figure in front of him again. This time it didn't disappear. It was a man and he stood in the middle of path. Vilkas slowed down and glanced around. He heard footsteps and tried to count how many there were.

\- Which one is that? he heard a woman whisper.

\- It doesn't matter, a man replied. - He wears that armor, he dies.

The attack came but he was readyt. He didn't need to think what he did and Abaccus matched his moves perfectly. They worked in unison and the enemies he missed, Abaccus took care with his hoofes. He didn't count how many he sliced and killed, he didn't care that his armor was covered in blood. His eyes were burning and he felt that the beast was too close to the surface. But he was unable to consentrate on its needs and his own predicament at the same time. A man jumped on to him from a cliff above. He managed to push him of his horse and they rolled to the ground. He heard hurried footsteps and managed to avoid a sharp axe that was meant to to split his head open. He swung his broad sword and beheaded his enemy. His blood splattered on him, covered his chest and his face and he tasted his blood in his mouth. And that's when the wolf took its chance.

For too long it had been shackled in that dark basement with iron chains. It was after blood and that's what it wanted to get. Vilkas dropped his sword to the ground. He barely saw them coming at him when he fell to his knees. His ribs were cracking, his joints were extending, his heart was bounding and his lungs felt like they couldn't produce the oxygen he needed. They were on fire. Abaccus rushed to his help and fend off the people who tried to attack him. And just before the beast snapped out of its leash, he saw how a strong, muscular Nord rammed his sword right through the stallion's neck.

And then, there was just blood and red haze and screams of terror. The taste of metal in his mouth, limbs being rippep off, and pieces of human flesh hanging from his jaws. His claws tore people apart and every cut that he received healed quickly. He heard words, they were shouting to each other and trying to surround him. In his beast form he couldn't think straight because this animal only thought of feeding, only relished in its new found freedom. He tried to gain control, to push his rational mind on top and tackle the strong essence of the wolf but he was too late. They were throwing ropes at him and he realized they wanted to capture him alive. Their innitial goal was to kill him and weaken the Companions even more. Because he was sure they knew who he was and they knew where he was. That's why it had been so easy to ambush him.

Even the wolf realized that it could not fight while being tied up. So against its better judgement it tried to run. But it was already hopelessly caught and every struggle caused the heavy ropes to squeeze tighter around its body. It roared and opened its massive jaws, its teeth, its tongue and the inside of its gums were blood read and few pieces of flesh hanged from its lower jaw. It rushed around but both Vilkas and the wolf knew they were caught and defeated. There was no way out. And then they came at him, hard and merciless. Punching, hitting, crushing with their feet, shouting insults at him, taunting him. They took out their sword and cut pieces of flesh out his body and they both screamed, the beast and the man inside him.

He didn't know how long it took for them them to satiate their blood lust but when they eventually pushed his mutilated body in stinky old bag, he knew this was far from over. His wolf was defeated and it was crawling back into its dark basement. Even though he was still in its form, he was starting to think more clearly. He knew it wouldn't take long till he regained his human form. And he didn't want to think about what they would do to him after that. Two of his fingers were cut off and his wedding ring had disappeared.

They tied the bag to one of their horses and began to drag him behind them. Sometimes one of them cursed and kicked the bag. As time passed on he realized that Abaccus was dead. Kodlak. Skjor. Abaccus. One family member after another. Strong hatred began to sprout inside his heart. Now he truly understood what J'Ziir was feeling and what he had carried with him for all these years. And he didn't resent him or judge him. He wanted exactly the same thing. To revenge.

The journey was long and he had time to think. The stumps of his fingers were aching and painful. To prevent the raging need to kill and murder, to get his mind out of his current situation, he turned his thoughts to his wife. His beautiful woman. As soon as her face appeared in front of his eyes, saddness overtook him. He couldn't keep his promise after all. And he couldn't be there for her like he wanted to. Now it was up to Brynjolf and J'Ziir to protect her. He knew they would stop at nothing to keep her safe.

He glanced at his hand and wished that someone would find his ring. And if the Divines were on his side, it would find its way to her. At least that way she would have something to remember him by. And know how much he had loved her in his final moments.


	63. Come home soon

**63\. Come home soon**

Sura arrived in Whiterun four days later. The carriage she took from Riften was slow and passed every little nook and cranny, small villages and almost empty houses. By the time she saw the silhouette of the Dragonsreach, she wanted to jump off the vagon and run the rest of way. When the carriage driver decided to stop at Honninbrew Meadery, Sura had enough. She grabbed her belongis and climbed off. There were only two other passangers in the vagon and both of them were sleeping. She could hear their snoring even when she reached the stables.

How long has it been? she thought when she passed the small clearing where the Khajiit caravans usually set up their camp. How long since she left Whiterun and headed towards Riften? Weeks, months? She wasn't sure. But things had definitely changed for her. When she left she remembered some things about her past, but there was so much still left to uncover. And now that she returned, she was married to the man she loved and she knew who her parents were. She had a new brother she adored and her relationship with J'Ziir was getting warmer. She didn't regret leaving Whiterun, it was one the best decisions of her life.

The familiarity of the city surrounded her when she set her foot inside the stone walls. The smells, the sounds, the sights. Adrianne's steady hammer at her forge, the guards walking up and down the stone stairs, Mila and Lars running past her, smiling and laughing, Carlotta at her stand selling fruits and vegetables. She realized that all of this was so dear to her and she missed it terribly. She walked through the Market and up to the Wind District and there she encountered the first thing that had changed. The huge tree in middle of the square was now blooming. Gildergreen was alive. Sura stopped and looked up, through the tree branches and admired the the purple leaves and the flowers. It looked beautiful and lively. And seeing something that had been dead for so long return to life and bloom was an encouraging thing. Few guards passed her, greeted her and they also talked about the tree and how the Dragonborn did a huge service to the city by helping restoring the Gildergreen. Sura smiled. Her ice cold brother was indeed slowly melting. When he first arrived to Whiterun he could care less about some dead tree in the middle of the city.

The smile stayed on her face when she turned towards Jorrvaskr. She looked at the the great mead hall and wondered was that her home from now on. Vilkas lived there and shouldn't she live together with her husband. She couldn't imagine a sitution where he stayed in Jorrvaskr and she would still have to live in the Dragonsreach. She would not allow that. She was too used to sleeping next to him now. She walked up the stone stairs, opened the heavy wooden doors and stepped inside.

A dead silence greeted her.

The huge hall was empty, quiet and dark. The tables were clean, the fire pit was cold and extinquished, even the countless wall scones were snuffed off. She took a few steps and the sound of her boots echoed in the hall. This was not the welcome she was expecting. Jorrvaskr seemed dead and adandoned. Like everyone had left and no one was interested to stay behind. She noticed dust and dirt covering the floor and wondered where Tilma was.

She layed her knapsack on the table and rubbed her arms. This place was cold. It didn't feel natural. And she didn't like it. She looked around and noticed a pile of firewood laying on the corner. She gathered up some, layed them on the pit and without even thinking about it, she waved her hands and ignited them. When the flames begun to spread and light the room, she noticed that the windows were covered with heavy curtains. She shook her head and opened them. And as the light pierced the darkness she felt a little better.

\- Hello? Vilkas? she shouted. - Anyone?

No answer. The doors to Vignar's and Brill's room were locked. And so was the door that led downstairs to the living quarters. She was getting more and more worried and the same nervous feeling that she felt when Vilkas left Riften settled around her heart. Finally she sat down in front of the big table and decided to eat something. Sitting there by herself, all alone in a place that wasn't her home made her feel very uncomfortable. But she didn't know what else to do. Of course she could head to Dragonsreach, someone there had to know what was going on.

She grabbed her things and headed towards the door. Before she could get there she heard how the door leading downstrairs opened and someone walked up. She turned around, hoping to see her husband. She so wanted to run into his arms and feel like she was home now. And for a little moment she actually thought it was him. But then he came closer and she saw his features. Vilkas' twin brother was very similar to him, but his hair was longer and he was taller and more robust than him.

\- Kitty cat? Farkas' eyes widened when he saw her.

\- Farkas, Sura greeted him. - What's going on? Where is everyone?

\- Where's Vilkas? he asked her and Sura blinked her eyes.

\- What you mean? Sura grabbed his arm. - He's not here? How is that possible? He left Riften four days before me!

\- Well, he never arrived, Farkas said.

\- But...you sent him a note, didn't you? Sura asked. - He left immediately when he got it.

\- I did, Farkas nodded. - Things here are...as you can see. I've been waiting for him for days. It's just...I don't know what to do. I'm no leader. Kodlak and Skjor are dead. Aela...I don't even know where she is.

Sura couldn't hear what he was saying. Vilkas hadn't arrived. It was four days since she left Riften. And he wasn't here. She slumped on the nearest chair and her brains were trying their best to understand the situation. Vilkas wasn't here, Vilkas wasn't here...that's all she kept hearing. He is not here, he is not here. If he's not here, where is he? What's happened to him? _Dead...dead...dead! _No, no no! She shook her head. He wasn't dead. She wouldn't let that though in her head. It would destroy her and make her unable to think and move. And she couldn't let that happen. Not now, not when she had to find out where he was.

\- So, Vilkas is not here, Sura finally managed to look at Farkas. - If he's not here, where is he?

\- All I know is that he left with you all those weeks ago, Farkas explained. - And then I got a note where he told me you two were getting married. And the past few days have been a mess. The Silver Hand killed Skjor, Aela is lost in her retalion, Kodlak was killed and Tilma died as well. The whelps have no idea what's going on and I'm left to hold down this crumbling forth.

\- Tilma died also? Sura couldn't believe her ears. - How?

\- I think Kodlak's dead was too much for her, Farkas sat down next to her. - She passed away during the night.

\- Alright, Sura nodded and felt suddenly very tired. - Alright. What are you going to do now?

\- I was hoping Vilkas would take the lead, Farkas sighed. - He's the only one who can pull us back together. But since he won't be coming back...

\- He will! Sura interrupted him. - I don't care what you say. He's not dead.

Farkas didn't argue with her but since his brother had not returned, he was willing to face the facts. He wasn't that smart but he knew what Skyrim was like. When the land took someone, it didn't give them back easily. But the woman sitting next to him was determined and very different from the Sura he knew before. She had changed. He realized they were now officially family. She was his sister-in-law. And instead of his brother, he decided to unite his strenght with her.

\- You're welcome to take your things downstairs, Farkas told her. - This is your home now. I'm sure you know the way. I'll go and see if I can find Aela somewhere.

He left and Sura was alone once again. She knew that if she just stayed here and allowed horrifying thoughts to take her over, nothing would be solved. So she stood up, grabbed her things and walked downstairs. Like the mead hall, the corridor that led to the living quarters was dark and messy. It seemed that everyone was now eating down here, there were dirty plates and dishes strewn around. When Tilma was alive she made sure that Jorrvaskr was cozy and comfortable. Now it was just cold and uninviting. There was no one downstairs and her lonely steps were the only sounds she heard. And when she arrived to the door that led to Vilkas' room, all the old memories suddenly ambushed her. She had been to this room only once before. The shy, awkward kiss that they shared back then came to her mind and made her smile. Something important had begun in this room and when she opened the door, his scent immediately filled her senses.

His things, his bed, his table. His clothes and his books. All of his things were here. But he wasn't. The most important thing of all was missing. Her knapsack fell to the floor and she walked into the room. This didn't feel like home, this cold, foreign place. This dark, empty room where no one lived. She sat down on the bed, pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. She didn't allow the tears to come because she was not mourning his lost. She refused to believe that he was gone. She was determined to get him back, find him wherever he was.

She closed her eyes, curled to a ball and layed on his bed. She wished things were different, and that they could be together like back in Riften. No matter what anyone else said about that city, to her Riften was always the place where she spent the happiest moments of her life. First the beautiful days of her short childhood and then the unbeliavably happy days after her wedding. _Please, come home soon_, she whispered to the empty room. _I miss you_. When she opened her eyes, he was there, sitting next to her and smiling. His hand caressed her cheek and she could almost feel his fingers on her skin.

\- Where are you? she whispered to him. - Why didn't you keep your promise?


	64. The white saber-tooth

**64\. The white saber-tooth**

In the next days Sura didn't sleep much. She actually avoided sleeping whenever she could. The situation reminded her of the past, when her past was covered in fog and she only saw her family and what happened to it during her dreams. Except this time she remembered her dreams and wanted to forget them as fast as possible. They were filled with blood and death, Vilkas' screams of pain and dying over and over again. The only way she could escape her dreams was to keep going until she was exhausted and completely drained. Only then she fell to the bed and slept like a corpse.

When Jarl Balgruuf heard of her return, he immediately invited her back to the Dragonsreach. Sura knew he would be disappointed if she refused him but she explained to him that she was now married and would remain where her husband was. The Jarl frowned, he also knew that Vilkas hadn't been seen in Whiterun for weeks but he didn't argue with her. They spent an afternoon together and when she left Dragonsreach, he patted her on the head and told her that this was always her home and that she could return whenever she felt like it.

Jorrvaskr had become a dready place to her. There were few people around and whenever Farkas saw her, he did his best to pour all his troubles on her. In a way Sura understood it. Farkas was a simple man, he didn't like complications and he only cared about killing, fighting, coin and women. And now suddenly he was put in a position he knew nothing about. Sura had tried to talk to Aela but she was still enraged and caught in her emotions. Her only goal was to destroy the Silver Hand and revenge Skojr's death. And with Aela gone many of the younger members suddenly begun to turn to her for advice and guidance. Ria and Athis were the first ones to seek her out. They understood the downfall of the Companions and they were worried. They shared their concern with her and asked her who was going to be take Kodlak's place. As if she had any right to state her opinion on that matter. She could only tell them to talk to Farkas about it.

At the same time she desperately kept searching for Vilkas. For her it was obvious that the Silver Hand was behind his disappearance. She sent a note to J'Ziir but because she had no idea where he and Lydia were, she just told the courier to look for the Dragonborn. From the cities, from the villages, wherever he might be. But she knew she could not rely on her brother in this matter. She sent another note to Brynjolf. The Guild had connections througout the land so they might have heard something. His reply was short. "_I'll do what I can, lass. No promises." _His words made her hands tremble but she was not about to give up. She pestered Aela and the huntress gave her some information. But she told her not to go by herself, the Silver Hand was not to be underestimated.

She arrived at their first hideout and like a an angry thunderstorm filled with lighting, fireballs and spark, she swept through their camp and left behind nothing but charred corpses and dead bodies. She searched the whole place but Vilkas was nowhere to be found. She felt nothing towards the people she just slayed and deep down a quiet voice asked her what was happening to her. She ignored it and continued on. From that place she managed to find maps to other refugees around the area and soon enough a rumor began to spread among the bandits and the hunters. A white female saber-tooth was prowling the forests of Skyrim. And she cared for no one else but the werewolf slayers. Everyone knew she was a Khajiit and no one mixed her with the real animal but as time passed on she was known by that name wherever she was seen.

After the first few attacks the Silver Hand begun to fortify their camps and hideouts. But in the end that didn't help them. She started using spells that she had never tried before. Atronachs and familiars took care of the enemies for her. And whenever she was wounded, her restoration spells were strong enough to pull her back and keep her going. Her part of Eye had suddenly come to life as well. It glowed and sparkled like it did when Mercer almost managed to kill J'Ziir. And often Sura saw Namada standing there next to her on the battlefield and all her wounds and cuts appeared on her mother's body. And despite of all that her smile was always warm and encouracing. _"Go wherever your heart takes you. And never hesitate."_

When she returned to Jorrvaskr she saw Farkas and his eyes were filled with worry. And as Aela passed her in the mead hall, she stopped to her tracks and realized how similar they had become. Aela was out revenging Skjor and wiping out the Silver Hand. And she was looking for Vilkas and doing the exact the same thing. She took a deep breath and leaned against a heavy woodem beam. What am I doing? she asked herself. Have I forgotten who I am? Am I turning into J'Ziir? Or my mother? To someone who only lives for killing and destroying?

Slowly she walked back downstairs and sat on the bed. If she could find Vilkas, she would end this immediately and never, never turn to such a violent path. She was about to get up and clean herself when someone knocked on the door. Farkas entered the room with two young men. Sura glanced at him and wasn't sure what this was about.

\- These two would like to join the Companions, Farkas explained and looked at her.

\- Alright, she nodded raised her eyebrows. - And?

\- What do you think? he asked her.

\- Me? Sura was confused. - Are you asking me?

Farkas looked at her like he didn't understand what she meant. Of course he came to her. Who else would he ask about such things? He knew that Ria and Athis often seeked her advice concerning their troubles. At first they came to him and he automatically guided them to Sura. And now that there were two potential new recruits, he obviously asked her what she thought. If she accepted, he would follow her advice.

In the past weeks it was Sura who cleaned Jorrvaskr, who lit the massive fire in the mead hall, opened the curtains and made the place livelier. It was her who managed to lure Vignar and Brill back into the main hall. And she was the reason they were once again eating in front of the main table at the large hall. So to him she was Kodlak's replacement and the one person who seemed to know what was currently happening.

\- Can we talk for a moment? Sura pushed the two young men back in the hall. She tried her best to hold her anger in but it was boiling very close to the surface.

\- What about? Farkas asked.

\- Why are asking me about this? Sura demanded. - I'm not even part of the Companions.

\- You're Vilkas' wife, Farkas said. - And that's good enough for me.

\- You have no right to push this on me, Sura sighed and now the tears of exhaustion were drilling their way to out. - Why, Farkas? Can't you handle these things yourself?

\- Ria and Athis came to you as well, Farkas tried to explain.

\- Yes, and I told them to seek advice from you! Sura rubbed her face. - You are the closest thing to a leader that the Companions have right now. Please, just act like it.

\- I told you before, I am not a leader, Farkas avoided her gaze.

\- How can you and Aela be this selfish? Sura sighed. - Kodlak is dead. Skjor is dead. Vilkas is missing. I'm trying my best to find him and you can't even handle a few new recruits. And Aela...oh, don't even get me started. If she really cared about the Companions, she wouldn't adanbon this place like this. She always said she respected Kodlak and listened to him. That she loved him. Is this how she shows her love? Doing what she wants and whenever she wants! What do you think Kodlak would say about this situation?

\- Aela cared for Skjor, Farkas mumbled. He had never been reprimanded like this before and suddenly he felt ashamed and weak.

\- And I love Vilkas! Sura shouted. - But I'm trying my best to keep this place intact. So it wouldn't crumble to pieces. I feel that I'm the only one here who cares what happens to Jorrvaskr. And I don't even really belong here.

Farkas tried to say something but Sura lifted her hands, grabbed her things and rushed out the door. She didn't care about the two men waiting outside. She saw Aela standing in the hallway, her face pale and her eyes burning with anger. The huntress had heard her words but in her current mood she couldn't care less. Aela was about the grab her hand and confront her but when Sura faced her, she backed away. The white saber-tooth was back. Her eyes were emotionless and cold and their color had changed from blue to yellow. And the look in those eyes was very dangerous.

She left Jorrvaskr, passed the blooming Gildergreen and walked through the empty Market. It was almost night, she only heard noises from the Bannered Mare. Hulda was entertaining her customers throughout the night. She glanced back and knew she could return to Drangonsreach and no one would disturb her there. But she didn't want to go back to that small side room. She had left that place behind a long time ago. She turned and moved on, her steps were slow and tired. They took her to Breezehome. She stopped and looked at the empty house. No one would disturb here there either. But the house was locked and there was no way in. Her knapsack fell to the ground and she had to support herself and lean against the wall. She heard voices and saw Carlotta and Mila walking towards her, probably on their way home from the Inn. Carlotta sometimes took Mila to eat at Hulda's. Sura prepared herself, took a deep breath and it took the rest of her strenght to smile to the little girl and her mother.

\- Sura, Carlotta greeted her. - How nice to see you here. Are you going somewhere?

\- Not really, Sura shook her head. - I was hoping J'Ziir and Lydia had returned but the house is still empty. Too bad, I would have liked to see them.

\- Oh, Mila's face suddenly brightened. - I almost forgot.

\- What is it, dear? Carlotta asked from her daughter.

\- The Dragonborn gave this to me, Mila pulled out a note and a key and she handed them to Sura. - He said that I should give them to you when you returned. Just in case.

Carlotta and Mila bid her goodnight and moved on. Sura stood there holding the note and the key in her hand, leaned against the wall and covered her eyes with her other hand. The tears weren't that far now. Her eyes were blurry when she opened the note.

_"Raji. This is the key to Breezehome. In case you need a place to stay. Or to hide. Or to cry and gather your strenght. It's not just my home now, it's yours as well. Use it when you need it. J'Ziir. _

_P.S. Lydia hid the sweetrolls behind the counters. She tells me that I eat too much and they are not healthy. Don't touch the skooma, no matter what. I just replaced the furniture, for some reason the guards of Whiterun thought that I stole something from the Jarl and they ransacked the whole place. I hope I don't need to buy another table or new chairs when I get back."_

Even in this situation J'Ziir knew how to make her smile. She opened the door and went inside. In less than half an hour Breezehome already felt more cozy and comfortable than Jorrvaskr in the past few weeks. She sat down before the fireplace and watched as the flames consumed the wood. The warmth, the food and the mead made her feel a little better. But her need to find Vilkas didn't disappear. It had been weeks and the hope of finding him alive dimmed with every passing hour. But she wasn't about to give up. She pulled out a map and marked down every hideout she had been to. Aela had always been very unreluctant to give out her information but she wasn't worried about that. And she didn't feel like she needed J'Ziir to come back and resolve this situation for her. She realized that she was now strong enough to do this by herself. And not once she allowed her to believe that Vilkas was dead.

She laid down by the fire and wrapped herself in a warm planket. She knew that tonight she could sleep without without bad dreams. She closed her eyes and her determination gave her strenght. Her part of the Eye was glowing. She would find Vilkas alive. And she would destroy anyone who dared to stand in her way.


	65. Into the bear's den

**65\. Into the bear's den**

J'Ziir and Lydia arrived to Windhelm three weeks after they left Riften. The air was cold and filled with snow. They left their horses on the stables and passed the great stone bridge. But when the guards prevented them from entering, Lydia was shocked. J'Ziir wasn't. He knew the drill. No cats allowed in the cities. Unless you were the Dragonborn. Then they all melted and begun to lick his boots. And all he wanted was to crush their faces and move on.

It had been a tiring three weeks. First, they had led Esbern to Riverwood and from there to the some Nordic ruins that were now taken over by the Forsworn. After fighting through them they manged to locate the old temple which was now the headquarters for the Blades. Delphine was very high and mighty and kept giving orders to J'Ziir. At the same time she talked about how the Blades were meant to serve and protect the Dragonborn. He did his best to ignore her.

When Esbern told him once again to head towards High Hrothgar, he nearly bunched the old man to his face. But Lydia was quick enough and grabbed his arm. She told Esbern that of course they would head there because defeating Alduin was the most important thing right now. When they arrived to Ivarstead, J'Ziir told Lydia to stay behind. Once again she refused but this time he didn't have to drag her up the mountain. Now they both had horses who took care of the climbing. When they reached the monastery, J'Ziir remembered the last time he was here. And his incredible insanity, talking to a nonexistent Lydia and trying his best to get away from her. This time he wasn't about to go through the same thing. He talked to Arngeirn who seemed to despise the Blades. But he was reluctant to help him and after arguining with the old monk and trying his best not to punch him out of existence, Arngeirn finally gave up. He took him out to the courtyard and taught him a new Shout. He said that he was now ready to meet their leader, Paarthurnax. He would guide the Dragonborn the rest of the way.

He left Lydia behind even though she wanted to follow him. When he threatened to shout her of the mountain, she frowned and finally gave up. Then she turned around, swayed her hips and declared that she would seduce one of the monks while he was gone. J'Ziir didn't really believe that but he turned back twice until he was able to go on. And even when he climbed up the mountain path, he wondered would Lydia really do what she said. And which of the old men would she choose. To him all of the old men in High Hrothgar seemed unattractive and a bit creepy, but he wasn't a young Nord maiden. Maybe the wise, older men seemed appealing to her. And then an image of Lydia popped in to his head, her sitting on Arngeirn's knee. He stopped and almost gagged.

He forced his mind out of the gutter and resumed climbing. When he finally arrived to the top of the mountain, he was suddenly face to face with an old dragon who declared that he was the leader of the Greybeards. J'Ziir wasn't surprised. He didn't even flinch. And he had no intentions of slaying this beast and absorbing his soul. Actually he avoided that whenever he could. Every new soul that was forced into his body was more painful that the one before. He felt like he was running out of room. He was a closet where someone tried to push new clothes and even though the closet was full, there were still new clothes that needed space and they were pushed inside forcefully. Whenever he saw a dragon flying about he turned around as fast as he could.

The old dragon was actually quite intelligent and interesting. J'Ziir didn't even notice he spent hours up on the mountain top listening to him. Paarthurnax told him about the Dragon War and revealed that he was an ally to Alduin during that time and commited some great atrocities against mankind. Eventually he was the one who turned against his brother and helped humans to defeat the World-Eater. At that point J'Ziir yawned and rolled his eyes. The World-Eater was hardly defeated, he pointed out. Wasn't that black lizard flying around and waking others of its kind. Seems hardly dead to me, J'Ziir answered. Paarthurnax agreed. The heroes of old only managed to banish Alduin from the current time and send him to the future. That was why the World-Eater still existed and terrorized Skyrim. Paarthurnax was silent for a moment. Then he said that Alduin was not the only enemy he should look out for. J'Ziir sighed. He knew all this, there was no reason to remind him that he was not that popular in all the corners of Skyrim. Paarthurnax ignored him and said the Argonian would wait him at the end. Before he had a chance to ask about that, the old dragon continued telling him about the Dragon War and how they could now defeat the World-Eater. He needed to learn a shout that the heroes of old used. And to learn it, he would have to return to that spesific time and place when the the three used it against Alduin. The only way to do that would be through an Elder Scroll.

After listening to everything Paarthurnax had to say, J'Ziir left the mountain and returned to the monastery. He half expected to find Lydia drinking mead with the monks and dancing naked out in the courtyard but instead she was reading something at the main hall and yawning so that her jaws almost misplaced themselves. J'Ziir told her that they were leaving High Hrothgar. Lydia seemed awfully happy and smiled to him. J'Ziir glanced at her and asked did she managed to seduce one of the monks. Lydia grinned to him and answered that there was only one man she wanted to seduce and he was not a Nord.

On their way down J'Ziir told her that they needed to find an Elder Scroll and Lydia's eyes widened. Where would they find such an artifact? It wasn't something they could locate from a cave filled with bandits or some draugar infested Nordic ruin. Just to find the information would be difficult. She reckoned that their best bet would be the College of Winterhold, they had an impressive library.

When they arrived back at Ivarstead a courier was waiting for them. He handed a note to J'Ziir and the messy handwriting revealed that it was from Brynjolf. His brother was kind enough to remind him that as the Guild Master he should spread their influence in every corner of Skyrim and get rid of the competition. He suggested - _ordered_, J'Ziir read between the lines, that he should head to Windhelm. Another thief organization was trying to take over the region and they would have none of that. Who does he think he is? J'Ziir crumbled his note and tossed it away. Giving orders to me, his boss.

They stayed at the Inn for two nights. In separate rooms. And all the time J'Ziir wanted nothing more but to invade Lydia's room and share her bed. But he resisted his mad urges and and forced his thoughts to other things. _Windhelm. _The end of his path. The fort of his enemy. The city he hated more than any other in Skyrim. And now he felt an irrestistible need to head there. To test the waters. To face his enemy before taking him down. The Elder Scroll would have to wait. This was more important. And he had killed enough dragons in the past months to keep most of Skyrim safe. If the citizens could not handle one or two lizards by themselves, then they were more helpless than he thought. Then they were not worth saving at all.

And so, here they were. At the gates of Windhelm. And his heart was bounding. When the guards refused to let them inside, Lydia took control and declared that this was the Dragonborn of Skyrim. That they should be honored to meet him. That they should bend their knee in front of him and thank him that he was willing to save their worthless lives. J'Ziir cleared his throat and covered his laughter with a cough. Lydia was getting better and better at this. Each time she added something new to her speech and each time the guards were confused and ashamed and opened the gates without arguing. This time was no expection. They were allowed to go inside and when they stood there, inside the walls of Windhelm, J'Ziir felt himself very agitated and uncomfortable.

The first thing they saw a drunken Nord insulting a Dunmer woman. His words, his attitude and his mere arrogance immediately caused J'Ziir to tense up. When the Nord walked towards him and begun to spew his poison, he lost his patience and smacked the man right into his face. He had held his fists with Esbern and with Arngeirn, he was not about to hold them off this time. The guards came running and the drunkard held his broken nose and whined how the skooma addicted cat had suddenly attacked him without no reason. Once again Lydia managed to save the situation by declaring that her Thane was the Dragonborn of Skyrim and if he really wanted to hurt someone, the Nord would already be dead. The guards immediately settled down and the coward who had been so high and mighty slinked away without a sound.

Lydia nudged her and frowned. She whispered to him that once again she came to his rescue. He wouldn't manage a day without her. Her unsatisfied expression turned into something quite different when J'Ziir grabbed her, pulled her closer and planted a quick kiss on her lips. _Here's your reward, housecar_l, he grinned. Then he left her standing there, a stupid smile on her face while he walked towards the Inn.


	66. Keep your enemies close

**66\. Keep your enemies close**

Candlehearth Hall was quite empty on the night of their arrival. Lydia got them two separate rooms and she smiled when she told him that there was a door between to rooms. Just in case, she winked at him. J'Ziir rolled his eyes and told her that he would lock the door from his side.

\- Sure you will, Lydia kept smiling when they walked down the hallway.

\- What? You don't think I will? J'Ziir grabbed his key from her. - You think you're so irresistible, don't you?

He still heard Lydia's soft laughter in his ears when he slammed the door behind him. He scanned around the room, saw the wooden door between the rooms and walked to it. He was about to lock it but then he heard Lydia's steps as she walked around. And then something metallic clunked to the floor. Was it her sword or the her armor? The image of her walking around in that thin, see-through shirt on caused him to frown. And once again he lifted his hand and was about to lock the door. And then Lydia's steps stopped right next to the door and J'Ziir held his breath. What was happening? Was she this bold? That she would just open the door and walk in? In that see-through shirt of hers...

\- Why didn't you lock it? her voice asked and J'Ziir heard her smile through the door.

\- I was going to, he mumbled. - I will.

\- But the lock is on this side, she answered and then he heard a small click. - Well, it's closed now. You don't have to worry about it anymore. Good night, my Thane.

Her soft steps walked away, she was probably barefeet. J'Ziir's hand was still hovering on top of the door handle and then he cursed aloud. He could almost hear Lydia giggling in her room and he had the sudden urge to bash the door down and..._and then what_? he asked from himself as he backed away and began to remove his armor. Attack her? Kiss her? It wouldn't make a difference, he thought as he slumbed to the bed. Lydia would win in the end and he would end up tangled inside her arms. Attacking her with his kisses...

He was having way too many difficulties to sleep that night. And when the morning came and the wind was still howling and the snow was still whirling around the gloomy city, he definitely knew he hated Windhelm. Lydia was up early and flashed him a bright smile when they met each other at the hallway. J'Ziir's eyes were red and he was feeling exhausted. All night, tossing and turning. Seein Lydia here and seeing her there. And when he finally had a wink of sleep, he imagined that Lydia opened the door between the rooms and walked in, naked. He wasn't sure was he thrilled or horrified. But he was clearly noticing his own need for her. And that made him angry and gleeful at the same time. And he had never felt so twisted before, so clearly torn in two different directions.

In hopes of forgetting Lydia for a moment, they left Windhelm and headed towards the Uttering Hills Cave. The Summerset Shadows were a small band of bandits and their presence was barely a nuicance to them. While Lydia made sure that all of them were dead, J'Ziir looted the bodies, the chests and the barrels. And once again Lydia reprimanded him. She didn't like it when he stole from the dead. And during the months they had travelled together, J'Ziir begun doing it behind her back. When she wasn't looking. And one more thing he didn't understand tormented his brain. Why her opinion suddenly mattered to him.

They arrived back to the city in the late afternoon hours. J'Ziir was tired and just wanted to head back to the Inn and take a nap. But before that he wrote a note to Brynjolf telling him that the Summerset Shadows were wiped out. And that he should never again sent him "_orders_" considering the Guild. Take care of these things yourself, brother. At the Inn he ignored Lydia, headed straight to his room, locked the door and fell to the bed. He was fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows. Annoying knock woke him up a couple of hours later. When he turned to his back, he realized he still wore his armor and the smell of dried up blood and pus filled his nostrils. He was already irritated when he got up from the bed. And when he swung the door open saw three armed guards standing there, the irritation quickly turned into rage.

\- Dragoborn, the masked guard began. - Jarl Ulfric of Windhelm would like to invite you to dine with him. Please, follow us to the Palace.

\- I'll go if I feel like it, J'Ziir growled and slammed the door to their faces. Then he opened it again, yelled out to the Innkeeper and she sent out two strong men to carry him a bathtub and warm water. The guards were still standing in the hallway when he closed the door on them the second time.

The whole evening he was thinking should they go or not. This wasn't the reason why they came to Windhelm. They came here because of the Guild. _Stop fooling yourself! _You came here knowing you would meet him. And when did things get so complicated. Don't you remember Helgen? When the only thing that mattered was killing him. Dying afterwards didn't matter. When did that change?

_It changed with Raji. And it changed with Lydia_, a stubborn voice in his head whispered. When you began to care. When you began to have feelings for her. And when there's feelings, things get complicated.

He bathed, changed his clothes and then he left his room. The guards were gone but he knew they were keeping an eye on him. He knocked on Lydia's door and when she opened a few seconds later, he told her to put on some nice clothes. They were heading to the Palace for a late night dinner. With the Jarl of Windhelm himself. Lydia frowned. She didn't like the sound of this but she changed her outfit and they left the Inn. And even though the distance between the Palace and the Inn was very short, J'Ziir couldn't keep his eyes of her. Her dress wasn't even that fancy, just a normal cotton dress that covered her arms and legs and other parts of her body. But his eyes travelled to places were there were no coverage, to her neck and to her lower arms. Where her skin was so much smooter than his. And when she caught him staring, he cleared his throat and walked faster.

They arrived to the Palace and were let in by the guards standing at their posts. The big main hall was empty and quiet but as they walked in, the Jarl himself entered the throne room. J'Ziir stopped and tried his best to prevent the past from confusing the current situation. He heard whisperes, his parents voices, this man's voice and the voices of the hundreds and hundreds of elves who kept him as their slave for nearly twenty years of his life. All because of this man. And here they now were, standing under the same roof. And it would take so little just to end all of this. His need for revenge hadn't cooled down but he was patient. His revenge stood next to him and its smile was crooked when Jarl Ulfric walked up to him and greeted him. It leaned closer and whispered that the time would come. Just wait a little longer.

\- Dragonborn, Jarl Ulfric said. - Finally. I have heard so much about you.

\- That's why you send your dogs to fetch me? J'Ziir snapped. - I'm an animal that needs to come when its called?

\- I apologize, Jarl Ulfric said and was not affended by his words. - Maybe I was just a little too eager to finally meet the legend of our land.

They stared at each other for a while and then the Jarl turned to Lydia. He was not the kind of man who usually was taken in by women, but this Nord maiden standing next to the Dragonborn was a rare beauty indeed. And he was a bit surprised when he sensed that there was something going on between these two. He was having difficulties believing that a Nord would actually consider a Khajiit or an Argonian. Surely there were plenty of men of her own species ready to throw themselves at her feet.

\- And this young lady? Jarl Ulfric said with his deep voice. - A pleasure.

\- She's my housecarl, J'Ziir replied and his eyes narrowed when he saw how the Jarl's hand touched Lydia's palm. - A servant, nothing more.

\- Nothing more? Ulfric smiled. - Well, it's a rare occassion that a servant gets to dine with her Thane and with the Jarl himself. However, I welcome you both to share the table with me tonight.

It was rather weird to sit in front of that tall table in the the empty throne room. Jarl Ulfric was sitting at the head of the table, Lydia to his left and J'Ziir to his right. The conversation wasn't very lively and only Lydia kept them from falling into completele silence. Her voice echoed in the large room and occasionally her bright laughter bounced from wall to wall.

\- I have to admit, Ulfric began. - This is the first time I'm having a dinner with...a Khajiit. Although I used to know one very well. He was a remarkable person, let me tell you.

\- How interesting, J'Ziir was barely able to hide his yawn and Lydia nudged his leg under the table.

\- He was a mage, Ulfric continued and J'Ziir's ears twitched. - You rarely see Khajiit mages. The elves usually hold most of the magic in Tamriel.

\- And you were...friends with this mage? Lydia leaned in to ask.

\- Friends? Ulfric smiled but his eyes didn't move from J'Ziir. - No, not really. I asked him to do some research for me. Magic doesn't interest me. If a Nord can't defend himself with his sword, then he is not worth saving. But like this land, its people are very stubborn and set in their ways. And sometimes...magic has its uses.

\- Like bending people's will? J'Ziir insinuated and Ulfric's smile widened.

\- More like showing them the right way, the Jarl corrected him. - I mean, when can Skyrim truly claim independence if its people are not united under the same cause. This land doesn't belong to the Elves, to the Argonians...

\- Or to the Khajiits? J'Ziir suggested and Ulfric grinned. - Isn't it strange though? That the Dragonborn is a Khajiit? Shouldn't that honor belong to a Nord?

Ulfric didn't answer and Lydia glared at J'Ziir. He stared back at her and with eyes that were filled with anger. _What are you trying to do?_ Lydia silently asked him. _Challenge him? He is the Jarl of Windhelm!_

_I don't care what he is! _J'Ziir yelled back at her._ He's a human and bleeds like any other when stabbed._

\- In honor of the Dragonborn, Jarl Ulfric waved his hand and the steward brought in some wine. - Let us toast.

He poured some wine in two silver goblets and offered the other one to J'Ziir. As soon as he lifted it under his nose, he smelled the poison. Not enough to kill, of course not. But enough to test the waters. It was spiced wine from Solitude mixed with some Frostbite. J'Ziir knew how it would affect him. Few muscle cramps and convulsions, the familiar red haze in the edges of his vision, maybe some dizziness, nothing serious. It was not poison from the Queen. He had been used for live testing before so this was nothing new to him. He raised his goblet, the Jarl raised his eyebrows and watched as he drank the wine. Then he placed it back on the table and met Ulfric's gaze.

The poison hit him and it was like a hot, metal needle was stuck in his stomach. It was Frostbite but something else as well. Sometimes he didn't regonize and what made the minor effects stronger. It was clearly visible in his tail, the fur became electried and fuzzy. And even though his hands began to tremble, he didn't flinch and his sharp eyes didn't move from Ulfric's face. The Jarl smiled and sipped his own wine very carefully.

\- This wine was very special to begin with, Ulfric explained. - Spiced wine from Solitude is famous througout the land. But add some grinded ice wraith's teeth and it becomes remarkable, don't you agree?

\- Sure does, J'Ziir answered. _As if that's all you added._

Lydia was confused. She glanced at her Thane and then Jarl Ulfric. The two men seemed very tense and she was sure something terrible was happening. And somehow Jarl Ulfric was winning, whatever it meant. She didn't even know that these two men were at war but now it seemed ovbious that was the case. So she decided that enough was enough. She stood up and cleared her throat.

\- My Thane, Lydia spoke to J'Ziir and when he looked at her, his eyes were very strange and she was getting very, very worried. - Shall we go? It's getting quite late.

\- Is it really? J'Ziir asked and something about his voice sent chills down to Lydia's spine. Was he slurring? No, couldn't be...

\- Very well, Ulfric smiled and stood up signaling that he was ready to retire for the evening. - Dragonborn, it was a pleasure, indeed. And of course, your lovely housecarl certainly brightened the evening.

\- She surely knows how to do that, J'Ziir pushed the chair back and suddenly the room began to spin. He consentrated on his breathing and bit his tongue, and when the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, his vision was once again sharp and piercing. He refused to go down this easily.

Ulfric nodded his head, called to his steward and asked him to accompany the Dragonborn and his housecarl to the Inn. He smiled when he glanced at J'Ziir and said that he looked a bit sick. Lydia grabbed his arm but J'Ziir had no intentions of hitting Ulfric. No, that would be way too easy. He had entirely different plans for the Jarl of Windhelm. J'Ziir yanked his arm out of Lydia's hand, turned his back and left the Palace. Lydia hurried after him and when they reached the Inn, she was right at his heels. And she was determined to follow him into his room if necessary, because she knew nothing was as it should be.

\- Go back to your own room, he gnarled at her when she refused to leave his room.

\- I will not, Lydia stared at him angrily. - What is going on? What just happened?

\- Nothing you need to worry about, J'Ziir closed his eyes, sat on the bed and tried to get his body to relax. His fists opened and closed and he tried to calm the convulsing muscles in his upper arms. His heart was beating too fast and there it was, the unmistakable red haze at the edges of his vision. The same one he remembered from the time of his captivity. The same one he hated and hoped he would never have to see again. It twisted his vision and his eyes felt like they were bleeding even though he knew that was not the case. _Calm down_! he told himself. It will pass soon, very soon.

\- What can I do to help? Lydia sat beside him. - You want to lie down?

\- It's harder to breath if I lay down, J'Ziir mumbled. - It will pass. I'll be fine, just go...

\- Don't be ridicilous, Lydia slapped him gently in the arm. Then she stood up, walked to the door and yelled out to the Innkeeper. Few seconds later she walked back in with a soft cloth and a bowl filled with fresh water. She doused the cloth and wiped his forehead with it and surpringily he felt a bit better. Not much, he hated cold water. But no one had ever done anything like this to him. No one had ever cared. Maggots maybe, but they only cared when his skin was dead enough to be eaten.

Maybe it was her duty or maybe she sat there because she wanted. It didn't matter to J'Ziir, at his moment he felt rather good to have her around. At least he wasn't locked in a gage, freezing cold and just counting the seconds for the sunrise that would eventually burn him so that the iron shackles would peel of layers and layers of dead skin. He remembered thinking that the maggots were the only ones who weren't starving in that place.

Few hours laterr they were still sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed. Lydia still refused to leave although she was getting rather tired and J'Ziir was feeling better. He knew that it wouldn't take long for him to be able to move and leave the Inn. His first stop would be at the Grey Quarter. There was a Dunmer he needed to talk to. His second and probably his final stop would be at the Palace. In Ulfric's private chambers where only one of them would walk out alive.

* * *

_A/N: I have never actually said it, just mostly hinted, but yes - Ulfric is the "bad" guy of this story. If you love Ulfric, you probably don't want to read this story any longer. I personally don't hate him and I might write a story about him someday, who knows. Another important announcement to eager readers - unfortunately in the coming weeks I don't have a chance to update this story. I'm graduating and I'm also going to move so that takes up most of my time. I will not abandon this story, I will get back to it as soon as I can. I apologize for the delay that "real life" is causing me. ;)_


	67. A trade with an assassin

**67\. A trade with an assassin**

Night arrived and he entered the Grey Quarter. He had left Lydia back at the Inn, she had eventually fallen asleep on his bed and without waking her, he changed to his armor and left. The poison in his veins was now completely gone and he was once again fully in charge of his own body. But his blood still boiled. Not because of the Frostbite, but because of rage. It was like Skooma in his veins, it willed him to end this as fast as possible. But his patience was there once again, smiling behind his shoulder and calming its furios brother down. It whispered its plan to him and its smile was so convincing and assuring that he followed its lead. _That's a good boy_, it soothed him.

The slums where the Dark Elves lived were dirty and cramped. Houses were built on top of each other, narrow snowy streets cutting paths into the stone structures. Most of the shacks were small and cold and their windows were dark and liveless. He passed the corner club and heard voices from within. Drunken laughter, women's voices, giggling and snickering. Even in this wretched place, the elves seemed to find their way to enjoy life's little pleasures. The place was so dark and dreary that he understood their need to bury themselves in more pleasent things, in the bosoms of willing women and in the warm embrace of their arms.

His steps were light and silent, he didn't need to think when he moved. Like a ghost he entered a small clearing and saw the man he was looking for. He was wearing a dark leather cuirass. His whole body was covered, there was a bow on his back and a small dagger on his waist. He was kneeling next to a little girl and covering her with a warm planket. The girls was asleep on the bench and a small flower basket lay on the ground next to her. It contained few red mountains flowers which were already wilting in the cold.

When the Dunmer heard his steps, he stood up, pulled out his dagger and faced him. J'Ziir stopped and raised his other eyebrow. The assassin's ears were very keen. But if he was good at what he was doing, he needed to be alert at all times. J'Ziir studied his face. Black, lifeless eyes, black, wavy hair and a long beard that was tied on a knot. He had some curios face markings and they almost vanished into his dark blue skin.

\- Ah, the famous Dragonborn, the assassin smiled when he regognized him. - A pleasure.

\- Is it? J'Ziir glanced at the dagger that was still pointing towards him.

\- One can never be too careful, he answered and seathed his weapon.

\- Cut the crap and tell me why you wanted to see me, J'Ziir crossed his arms.

\- Straight to the point, the assassin laughed. - I've heard a lot about you. Lots of rumors, lots of mystical, unearthly tales. Some say you are a living God, others call you a necromancer who recruits the dead. At least one thing was true. You don't waste time, do you?

\- And neither should you, J'Ziir said. - Get to the point.

\- You see that little girl? the assassin pointed to the child that was sleeping on the bench. - She's all alone in this world. An orphan. Sometimes I come here and leave small things for her. Behind her back, she never sees me. Food, warm plankets, new shoes if she needs them. We often neglect those who are the weakest.

\- Yes, J'Ziir agreed and his smile was sarcastic. - I heard of your little "_visit_" to the Orphanage. As far I can tell, the children are very grateful to you.

\- I quite proud of that myself, the assassin nodded and he looked self assured.

\- Tell me what you want, J'Ziir sighed. - So I can get on with the night.

\- I need information, the Dunmer said and now his face was serious. - Simple as that.

\- Don't you have your own way of finding out these things? J'Ziir rolled his eyes.

\- You tell me all you know, the assassin said. - And I'll show you a secret passage into Jarl Ulfric's private chamber. I will even give you some powerful paralyzing potion you can use against him.

J'Ziir's eyes narrowed. He was not use to people knowing too much about his plans. How this Dunmer knew all of this caused him to be on his guard. He didn't know what the assassin was after but his offer was quite tempting.

\- What information? he finally asked.

\- You know about the vampires, don't you? he begun.

\- Vampires? J'Ziir frowned. - Haven't seen any.

\- Sure you have, the assassin turned to look at him. - I know you have even killed some of them. I need to know where they are coming from. I need to find their lair, their nest...whatever you call it. And I need to destroy it.

\- I don't care, J'Ziir said. - Now...if that's all...

\- My wife is one of them, the assasin revealed. - She killed our sons while trying to change them. I need to find her...and end her.

\- How sad, J'Ziir almost yawned. - Like I said, I don't care.

\- Of course, the Dunmer nodded and his face was like an emotionless mask. - With the dragons and with the war, I'm sure you have a lot on your plate. How foolish of me to think you might help. I guess another thing about you was right...how cold and unfeeling you are.

\- And you assumed that I would be persuared by your sad life story, J'Ziir cocked his head. - You should have listened to stories they tell about me.

\- I can see that now, the Dunmer said. He turned around and walked to the little girl who was sleeping on the bench. He pulled the planket higher and wrapped it tighter around her. At least he had tried. There was surpring tenderness in him when he looked at her. He touched her cheek, smiled and turned to leave. The child remined J'Ziir of Mila. And of Raji. And losing ones family was a thing he knew everything about. And weren't they both after revenge? And if it this was him, wouldn't he have turned to a possible source, no matter how unpredictacle the results might have been.

\- Isran, he finally said said and the Dunmer stopped to his tracks. He took a few hesitant steps back and stared at him. - A redguard. Whatever is happening with the vampires, you better talk to him about it. Head towards Riften. That's all I know, Dunmer. The rest...well, I'm sure you are smart enough to dig up yourself.

He walked back to him. His eyes were still cold and black but his smile was crooked and ironical. - That wasn't so hard, was it? he asked and punched him in the shoulder.

J'Ziir frowned but said nothing. He knew more than he said but he was not an Inn keeper who would gossip like a brainless, old hag when asked about something. And this Dunmer assassin was a bit too slick to his liking. He was like a wet piece of soap, hard to get a hold on and slippery like an eel. As a matter of fact, there were countless of people who had asked his help considering the vampire threat. But if this assassins was after them as well, he wouldn't have to lift a finger. And that was good enough for him.

\- As promised, the assassin gave him a small, black vial. - One of the strongest paralyzing poison you can find. Just a small amount will keep a grown man on his place for hours. And the best part...it's quite painful. You can sit back and enjoy.

\- Where did you get it? J'Ziir asked.

\- I know a bit of alchemy, he replied. - Made it myself. I found a lighthouse along the coast...a nice Redguard couple lived there. But the last time I visited, the place was inhabited by a different kind of...dwellers. That's where I got my main ingredient.

\- And the passage? J'Ziir stored the vial inside his armor.

\- Very easy to find if you follow my instructions, the Dunmer smiled. Then he leaned closer, his voice was soft and low. Where to go, what to look for. J'Ziir had a map of Windhelm inside his head and with every word he made markings. When the Dunmer finished, he had a very clear image inside his head. And a very easy and streamlined path to his enemy.

\- A pleasure, Dragonborn, the shook his hand. - Maybe we will see each other again.

\- I doupt it, J'Ziir replied. - Unless you try to kill me. But that would be a very, very bad idea.

\- I assure you, I have no intentions of killing you, the Dunmer smiled and once again his grin was cold and dead. - Unless you give me a reason.

\- Or unless your Dread Lord wants it, J'Ziir pointed out.

\- I think he is after bigger prey now, the assassin replied. - No offence.

\- None taken, J'Ziir pulled his hand away and left. After a few steps and turned back. The Dunmer was gone. Only the little girl lay on the bench, covered by the warm deep pelt. And there were two deathbells on the basket.

He walked back the way he came. The city was very quiet now, even the corner club at the Grey Quarter had closed its doors. He was walking up the steep stone steps when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He melted into the shadows and not even the Dunmer assassin would have noticed him. His pupils dialated and his vision sharpened. His ears twitched as he listened to the steps that were coming from some distance away.

Soon enough he saw who disturbed the peace of the silent night. Two Windhelm guards...and _Lydia_. She was walking between them like a prisoner. Immidiately alarms begun to rang in his head, his body became tense, his ears drew back against his skull and his eyes were dark as the night itself. He was able to see everything as clear as day. The small group headed towards the palace. He knew he wouldn't be able to follow them unnoticed but he hadn't left the Inn unprepared. He pulled out an invisibility potion and quickly drank it. And as he vanished into the night, he quietly hurried after them and was determined to know what was going on.

It was clear to him that Jarl Ulfric had called Lydia out. And from the way he was looking at her during the dinner, he didn't have to guess the Jarl's reasons. But what interested him more was Lydia's reaction to this sudden invitation. What methods would the Jarl of Windhelm use while trying to turn her against him? And would Lydia grap the opportunity and leave his side for glory, for coin and for power?

* * *

_A/N: Hey, I'm back. I'll try to upload this story a little faster now so we get to the end at some point :). Thanks again to all of you who are patient enough to keep up with me.  
_


	68. Lydia's heart

**68\. Lydia's heart**

When Lydia woke up, she realized she was alone. J'Ziir was gone and in her half woken state she worried something bad might have happened to him. But soon enough she remined of herself what kind of a man her Thane was. If someone in Windhelm wanted to hurt him or kidnap him, they would need an entire Stormcloack army to do that. And even then they would have lots of difficulties. Lots of dead bodies and casualties. No, Lydia shook her head. J'Ziir had walked out voluntarily and with his own two feet. And left her behind to sleep. Lydia wasn't sure did he do it out of consideration or because he believed she would only complicate his plans, whatever they were. Either way, she wasn't pleased.

She stood up and walked back to her own room. She tossed the dress aside and grapped her armor. She was prepared to go outside, dig her Thane out and unleash a mouthful to him. How was she supposed to protect him when he left her at the Inn whenever he wanted. Well, Lydia admitted. J'Ziir didn't really need protecting. But she felt like an outsider when he suddenly just took of and disappeared. Weren't they supposed to be a team? She felt enraged when she realized she had stood by his side this whole night and he just upped and left whenever he wanted.

She barged out the door and knocked over a guard that was standing outside. The man was wearing a blue Windhelm armor and as he crashed down to the floor, the other guard that accompanied him hurried and helped him. Finally, when they were both back on their feet, they turned to her.

\- The Dragonborn is not here, Lydia explained. - Now, if you exuse me, I need to go and find him.

\- We are not here for him, the guard replied. - Are you Lydia, the Dragonborn's housecarl? Jarl Ulfric would like to see you.

\- Now? Lydia stared at them. - In the middle of the night? And why me?

\- Jarl Ulfric didn't tell us, the guard answered. - He only asked us to get you.

\- Is this an order? Lydia asked and now the irriation she was feeling towards J'Ziir turned against Jarl Ulfric.

\- It's an order to us, the guard replied. - Wheter you want to come or not is up to you.

\- Alright, fine, Lydia sighed. - Where is he and why he wants to see me?

\- The Jarl is waiting for you at the Temple of Talos. We will take you there.

\- Why? It's right around the corner, Lydia stated. - I can find the way myself.

\- The Jarl insisted, the guard said. - And we follow orders.

Lydia slammed the door closed, grapped her sword and left the Inn with the two guards. They walked the short distance to the Temple and Lydia didn't understand why she needed an escort for this. She was frustrated and didn't notice how her Thane joined their company. J'Ziir steps were muffeled and he kept his eyes on Lydia. He could clearly see and sense her annoyance and wondered was it because of him or because of this unexpected invitation that led them to the Temple. But he was not surprised when they stepped inside.

Jarl Ulfric was stading in front of the shrine. The guard reported to him, he nodded and soon they were left alone in the Temple. The Jarl insisted utmost privacy, even the Priests that served Talos were asked to leave. Lydia stood by the door but J'Ziir quietly sat down on one of wooden benches. He wanted to hear every word and the invisibility potion was the strongest he had. It would last for hours. And just in case, he had two spare bottles with him. He could sit here for hours.

\- Jarl Ulfric, Lydia greeted but made no attempt to move closer.

\- Ah, you are here, he turned to look at her. - I'd like to apologize for dragging you here in the middle of the night. I hope your Thane doesn't mind.

Lydia didn't answer and J'Ziir raised his eyebrow. If he hadn't returned from the Grey Quarter when he did, he wouldn't have a clue that Lydia was here. He would have assumed that she returned to her own room to sleep. His fingers begun to rub the handle of his axe. Slow, meticulous movements, considering. If need be, the axe would be out in his hand in less than a second. In two seconds, Ulfric's head would roll in the floor.

\- What do you want with me? Lydia finally asked.

\- I watched you closely during our dinner, Jarl Ulfric walked towards her. - You geniunely seem to care for the Dragonborn. Maybe you want what's best for him. It seems were share a common goal.

\- I thought all you wanted was to unite Skyrim under your rule, Lydia remarked and J'Ziir smiled to himself.

\- Under the rule of the High King and his Queen, Jarl Ulfric corrected and stepped closer. - You see, uniting Skyrim in these difficult times requires strenght beyond one man. _The Dragonborn_ \- he is regarded as the hero of Skyrim. Gaining his support would mean a lot to a potential ruler.

\- What? Lydia whispered and suddenly she understood the meaning of his secret meeting. - Are you really asking me to persuade him to join your cause?

\- Your reward would be nothing less than the position of the Queen, the Jarl continued. - After all, you are a proud, strong Nord woman. And as cabable as the Dragonborn is, he...does not belong here. Skyrim is...

\- His home, as much as it is yours, Lydia interrupted him and her voice was cold as ice. - He was born here and against his will he was sent away. But now he's back and he is risking his life to save us all. And you dare to insinuate, that he doesn't belong here! After everything he's done for us!

\- I see, Jarl Ulfric nodded. - I understand your compassion towards him. Why wouldn't you care? You are his housecarl and it is your duty to make sure he's safe.

\- My compassion? Lydia couldn't believe what she was hearing. - What about you? Are you offering me a place as your Queen out of compassion? Or out of necessity? Offering me a place that does not even exist?

\- You should love your country more than any one person, Jarl Ulfric said. - But from what I've seen and heard...a woman like you would make a powerful and a just Queen.

\- And Jarl Elisif? Lydia asked. - Isn't her claim to the throne stronger than yours or mine?

\- Foolish, young child, Jarl Ulfric waived his hand. - What does she know? Nothing. Torygg married her when she was just a little girl. Do you expect me to hand over this land to a woman who knows next to nothing?

\- And what about me then? Lydia asked. - How am I any different?

When the Jarl didn't answer, Lydia's eyes flashed and she smiled. It was a cunning, knowing smile and it made the man in front of her a litte nervous. She nodded and walked forward, almost close enough to embrace the Jarl.

\- Now I see, Lydia cooed in his ear. - Because I'm close to the Dragonborn. That's why you chose me. Even when I know nothing, like Jarl Elisif. You thought that bribing me with an idea of power, of fancy dresses and grand balls was a good idea, didn't you? Tell me, Jarl Ulfric, what would my duties be then, as you Queen? Oh, you don't need to answer, Lydia raised her hand when Jarl Ulfric was about the epxlain.

Like the Jarl, J'Ziir was also quite captivated by his housecarl. Her green eyes were burning with fire, she was furious. And when she was like this, she was beautiful and attractive, a woman any man would have yearned to hold. And suddenly - someting stabbed J'Ziir right in the chest and penetrated his beating heart like an angry, unrelenting wasp. He had touch his chest to confirm was there really something there. Nothing...only that strange pain that was somehow caused by Lydia. How? He couldn't explain it. There were no words. If someone had asked him right there and then what he felt, he wouldn't be able to tell. He just didn't know how.

\- Of course you expect me to give you an heir, Lydia continued and her voice was low and almost mocking.

\- Those are thoughts for later, Jarl Ulfric remained calm. - But like you said, power is within your reach. A power like this will never be yours if you remain by his side.

\- You say I would be a just Queen, Lydia looked at him straight in the eyes. - How do you know that?

\- You are a woman who loves this land and thinks of its people, Ulfric answered. - And would never betray their trust.

\- Really? Lydia asked and now her voice begun to falter. - And how would a woman, who betrayed the only man she ever loved, be just as a Queen? How would she be trustworthy?

Jarl Ulfric flinched and stepped back. J'Ziir's ears twitched and he was barely able to keep himself still and not jump out of the bench and cause a huge ruckus. The only man she ever loved...loved..._loved_? It was like and electric current ran through his body, his tail became fuzzy and thick. It swung back and forth and he had to calm himself down. He didn't even notice how his ears were pointed straight up so that he wouldn't miss a single word, a single sigh, any noise or breath that Lydia made.

\- The only man...? Jarl Ulfric repeated. - Surely you don't mean...

\- Yes, the Dragonborn, Lydia nodded. - My Thane. To me, he is so much more than that. He is man who does not have an equal in this world. I would not betray him even if you put in me chains and tortured me till I died. _I love him_. And I will give him all the love that I have in my soul because he needs it, he deserves it more than anyone else. I might be his housecarl, but he released me of that duty long ago. I voluntarily followed him and I have not regretted that decision.

\- He is a Khajiit! Jarl Ulfric almost shouted.

\- And? Lydia asked and swallowed her tears.

She did not want to cry in front of this man. He wouldn't understand her tears or the reasons behind them. He wouldn't understand the pain she felt when she thought about her Thane. How much had he suffered. And how much she wished to help him, to heal him. And take away that pain and agony that was living in his heart. How much she wished his life would be happier, and how much he wanted to make him laugh and smile together with him. She had seen J'Ziir smile on rare occassions and his smile was like a unique gem that brightened even the darkest moments. His smile, his presence had opened a door inside her heart that she didn't even know existed. But she knew, as clear as a day, that she did not want to close that door ever again.

\- And you are a Nord! And you should know your value.

\- My value? Lydia repeated. - Are you really saying that he doesn't deserve my love?

\- He is not worthy of you, Jarl Ulfric claimed. - A Khajiit. Dragonborn or whatever. He is never going to remain loyal to this land. And so - wouldn't he be happier amongst his own people? In his own country? With someone of his own...race?

\- Like I said, Lydia insisted. - Skyrim is his home. And I love him. Yes, I'm a Nord. And yes, he's a Khajiit. But that changes nothing. And now, Lydia took a deep breath . - I believe this conversation is over. There is nothing you could say that would change my mind.

She turned, Jarl Ulfric raised his hand but like a whirlwind she left the Temple. J'Ziir remained at his seat and contemplated what he had just heard. He intentionally tried tp blocked out Lydia's words of love, he didn't want to think about them. But his stubborn heart felt lighter and happier. Of course, he reasoned. Because Lydia had not waivered in front of the Jarl of Windhelm. In some way, he was proud of her. And he was pleased to see the look on Ulfric's face when he heard her words. _The only man I ever loved_...J'Ziir swallowed. He would think about all this later, what it meant and how it would change his attitude towards his housecarl. But not now. _Not now_.

Jarl Ulfric walked back to the shrine of Talos. He closed his eyes and prayed. J'Ziir stood up. He wasn't ready to leave. This man had something up his sleeve and he needed to know everything before he could make his own move. He watched as the Jarl straightened his back and cleared his throat. A lone man, dressed in black walked into view. This whole time he had remained behind the altar and observed the situation.

\- Kill her, Jarl Ulfric whispered to him. - Before the dawn. And make sure he knows.

\- As you order, the mysterious man replied. - Anything else, my Jarl?

\- His family? the Jarl asked.

\- A younger sister, the man reported. - Got married in Riften only three weeks ago.

\- Find her, Jalr Ulfric continued. - If his housecarl isn't enough - use the sister.


	69. What's mine is mine

**69\. What's mine is mine  
**

He caught up with her just before she entered the Inn. He grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. She was about to scream but he slapped his palm in front of her mouth and dragged her into the shadows of the city. At first Lydia didn't regognize him and struggled the best she could. He slammed her back first against a hard stone wall, she moaned and his angry eyes met hers.

\- Leave the city, he whispered to her. - Now.

\- J'Ziir? Lydia pushed his hand away. - What...

\- Be quiet and listen! he hissed at her. - Is there anything important at the Inn? Coin, weapons, armor?

\- No, only my clothes and some books, but...

\- Good, leave them and go, J'Ziir told her. - Right now.

\- I don't understand, Lydia frowned. - What's wrong?

\- I'll explain everything later, J'Ziir said. - Just head to the stables and wait for me there. And be ready to leave.

\- What? I can't leave you behind! Lydia cried and J'Ziir slapped his hand on her mouth again.

\- Shut up! he whispered. - Just listen and don't interrupt. If you don't leave right now, your life in in danger. The Jarl has sent an assassin after you.

\- What? Why? Lydia's eyes widened and she swallowed. Her lips begun to tremble. She blinked her eyes and he saw tears in them.

\- It's me he's after, J'Ziir said. - You are exbendable, like everyone else around me.

\- It's you...but that means..., Lydia squeezed his arm. - Then I can't go. I need to stay and help you.

\- The only way you can help right now is to leave, J'Ziir grabbed her hand and quietly led her to main gate.

He glanced around and saw no sing of the assassin that was sent after Lydia. He didn't allow his mind to even think about Raji. That would have to wait. And he forced himself to calm down. Raji had a protector. Her very own wolf who would do anything to keep her safe. If Lydia wasn't here with him, things wouldn't be this complicated. He could just ignore everything her survival meant to him. If Lydia wasn't here...

\- Go, he pushed her towards the gate. - Saddle the horses and wait for me. I'll come as soon as I can.

\- J'Ziir, Lydia was torn apart. She wanted to remain by his side, her heart was overflowing with the feelings she had for him. - _I...lo..._

\- Just go, J'Ziir interrupted her. - And be ready.

Then he disappeared back into the shadows. For a while Lydia just stood there. Then she took a few steps after him. _No! _she ordered herself. Don't go after him. It will only cause proplems. Just do what he says and everything will be fine. But even when she turned back towards the gate, she couldn't hold in a helpless whimpers of fear. She glanced back one last time and prayed for the Divines to keep her loved one alive.

J'Ziir didn't waste time. Without a sound he ran towards the Palace and his eyes searched for the telltale signs of the secret passage. The map of the city was clear in his mind and he headed straight towards the courtyard. From there he turned right and as soons as his eyes saw the small grate between the two benches, he knew he was in the right place. He glanced around, saw no one and took out his ebony dagger. He pulled the grate open. The hole between the benches was small but he managed to squeeze himself inside with little effort. He fell into a narrow tunnel that led straight to the palace. The corridor was dark, damp and smelled like a sewer but his eyes saw every crack, every corner and every drop of water that fell down from the high stone ceiling. He turned and pulled the grate back but left the hinges open. He might need a quick way out of here.

The tunnel was ancient. It was built long before the current ruler of the city and as time passed it was forgotten. Until a very curios, very self assured Dunmer came along and found it. He stole everything he wanted from Jarl Ulfric's chambers and used the secret passage for one of his contracts. He was never caught but a one of kitchen maids in the Palace was found dead in the morning. And a small deathbell was placed on her chest.

He felt the heat of the firepit when he passed the kitchen. The tunnel was built inside the walls and was probably once used as an escape route for the Jarl of Windhelm. He continued on and at the end of the tunnel he found very old, very decrepit ladder leading up the wall. He didn't hesitate but when he begun to climb, he felt how the old, worn out robes and rotten woods creaked and cracked under his weight. Despite of all that he was able to get to the top. The tunnel narrowed and the ceiling was much lower now. He was forced to crouch and crawl the rest of the way. Through the wall he heard low voices and he regognized Jarl Ulfric as one of the speakers. He couldn't make out the words but it was enough for him to know that he was there. His movements were muffled and slow and the narrow tunnel lead him right to big wardrobe. The back panel was false and carefully he opened it. Through the wardrobe doors he could now clealy hear Ulfric's voice. The other man was his right hand man, Galmar Stone-Fist, big, brutish Nord who stayed by the Jarl the whole evening. A man who's gaze was like stone, cold and unmovable. It didn't reveal anything but J'Ziir clearly felt his contempt. To a man like him the title of the Dragonborn was almost as holy like the mightly Talos he worshipped. And now, meeting a Dragonborn who was not a Nord made him doubt all the other Divines.

Their conversation didn't interest J'Ziir although he did hear his own name mentioned a couple of times. He also noticed the tone that coated Jarl Ulfric's voice when he mentioned it. Cold and disrispectful. Filled with malcontent and mockery. And once again as his rage begun to rise he noticed that his patience sat beside him and told him to wait. Its smile was cold and icy. _Wait, until he's alone, _it whispered to him

In the meantime he took out the small, black vial that the Dunmer assassin gave him. He dipped one of his ebony arrows in to the liquid and a strong, putrid smell filled the small space. He closed the vial, prepared his bow and was ready to shoot as soon as the Jarl was alone and he had a chance. His original plan to was to kill the Jarl right away. But now - the man had touched something that belonged to him. And he once again dared to threaten his family. This family that he had now barely discovered...Raji, Brynjolf, Vilkas and..._Lydia_. But this time he was not a helpless little boy. This time he would let the Jarl know what and who he was facing. He would give Ulfric a warning and make sure that he would come for him, eventually. Tonight he would plant a seed of fear and anxiety into the Jarl's heart and make sure it would grow and flourish.

The other man bid his farewells, walked to the door and closed it behind him. For a while J'Ziir just sat and waited. He wanted to be absolutely sure that there was no one else in the room and that they wouldn't be disturbed. He heard Jarl Ulfric's steps, how the man walked around the room and stopped every now and then, probably to contemplate his war, his land and his mighty plans for the future. J'Ziir didn't make a sound when he redied his bow and pushed the door slightly ajar. His eyes, which were now huge and dialated, searched for the Jarl's figure in the dim room. And when he saw the man he was even more pleased to notice that the Jarl wasn't facing him. And shooting a man in the back didn't cause him any guilt.

Jarl Ulfric didn't have time to react of even to guess what was happening when a sharp pain pierced his right shoulder. Immediately he went for his sword but as he noticed he was unable to move, his brain begun to register things around him. The first thing was the pain and not just from the arrow. It was like something was spreading through him, like his blood had suddenly turned into burning accid that scorched his whole body. But he was paralyzed, only his lungs and his heart seemed to be working, the other pumping the poisoned blood all around him and the other trying to get as much air in as possible to keep him alive.

He heard footsteps behind him but couldn't see his attacker. _An assassination attempt!_ was his first thought. No, an assassin would have killed him right away. This was something else. Something much more sincere. A warning...

\- Feels good, doesn't it? To be poisoned. Allow me to return the favor, someone said with a low, threathing voice and Jarl Ulfric didn't have to think long to regognize that voice. His blood that had been on fire suddenly turned as cold as ice. He couldn't speak but he doupted there were words strong enough to calm down the angry Khajiit.

\- You did most of talking during our dinner, J'Ziir continued and circled the man so that he was finally able to see him. - Now - _it's my turn_.

Here he was, in front of the man who he so desperately wanted to kill. Who's death he had been planning for years. His hands itched and his brain yelled at him, commanding him to end this. For years it had been the voice of his angry, raging, tortured childhood but now it drowned out by his calm, soothing, dangerously deceptive patience. And now when he had his chance to say what he wanted, he wasn't sure how to begin. _Start with the truth_, said his patience. He pulled out his mother's dagger and raised for the Jarl to see.

\- This belonged to my mother, J'Ziir said and placed the sharp metal against Ulfric's neck. - The same woman you and your men murdered years ago. And that mage you said you knew...he was my father.

Jarl Ulfric swallowed. He was a Nord who belived that when he died, his soul would go to Sovngarde. He wasn't afraid of dying, he was afraid to leave things the way they were. His land in shatters, civil war rampaging and families turning against each other. His only hope was to unite Skyrim against the Empire and the Elves. And if this Khajiit would kill him tonight, he was sure Skyrim would fall to pieces.

\- That little boy that was left behind, that you sold to slavers, J'Ziir continued. - That was me.

It took a while for the Jarl to collect all the pieces and gather a real image of what he had just heard. He remembered that day when he met Jo'Azirr for the last time, when he wanted to give him one more chance to aid his cause, to help him with the ancient Nordic spells he had discovered during his studies. He had travelled to Winterhold to see him but the stubborn Khajiit said those spells were way too dangerous to use. After that, he disappeared for years. And when Maven Black-Briar from Riften sent him a word, he was able to meet that accured cat once more. But Jo'Azirr's only answer was that he had given up his powers. The spell was gone. Hidden for good. And even if he had chanced his mind, he wouldn't be able to help anymore. And at that point Jarl Ulfric turned his back and only heard what happened. But years and years later he remembered the angry eyes of the little boy that was left behind. And even in his dreams those eyes haunted him.

"_But...you have a sister?_" he wanted to ask. At the same time he couldn't believe that he didn't remember her. Had he seen her? No, only the eyes of boy had remained from that day. And the deep regret that he hadn't spared the child. And now...that regret turned on its head and he cursed his own weakness. _Kill the child! _He hadn't listened to that advice back then and now he would pay for it.

\- Ah, yes, my sister, J'Ziir nodded like he guessed his thoughts. - She's alive. You sent your assassins after her. That was a mistake. She's stronger than you think. You knew our father was a mage. Guess who got all that power?

Jarl Ulfic plinked. He knew he swam in deep waters now. If the Dragonborn knew of his plans, there was no chance of winning him over or stop him from doing what he wanted. And still that day lingered in his thoughts. Jo'Azirr and his family, his wife and his..._little boy_. Who was no longer so tiny and innocent. But who's eyes still burned like the brightest of the flames. Burned with hatred and with the thirst for revenge. He remembered those eyes, and how he had prayed he would never have to see them again.

\- Let's discuss more, shall we? J'Ziir grabbed his arm and tossed him at the bed where he remained in the position he landed. His whole body screamed and ached, the arrow sank deeper into his shoulder and every touch was like someone stabbed him with a hot iron. But he couldn't call for help, his only hope now was that Galmar would return like he said he would. After a couple of hours. But he prayed that his right hand man would come sooner, much, much sooner.

\- After I was sold, all I could think about was you, J'Ziir sneered. Those words sounded like they were taken from a cheesy romance novel but his evil grin turned their meaning upside down. - Every waking hour I dreamed of the day I would finally see you again. And here we are. You and me. And this time...things are different. You're no longer in charge. You're alone. And I could just end you, very easily and quickly. It would resolve so many things. The war...this little rebellion of yours. How happy the Imperials would be. And afterwards, well I could just walk out and no one would know what happened and who did this. After all this place seems to be filled with tunnels that even you are not aware of.

Ulfric thought about his words. _Secret tunnels_, of course. How else would this creature find his way in here like this. Without anyone knowing. He could only move his eyes and tried to locate the place J'Ziir had appeared but when the Khajiit saw his searching gaze, he smiled - that cold, cold shivering grin that caused chills all over his skin.

\- I could show you were the entrace is, but that would be no fun, J'Ziir laughed.

Jarl Ulfric was a strong man, a warrior and and a soldier. Fear was not something he was used to feeling. Planting the seed would take some effort, this man was like the harsh land of Skyrim, filled with snow and frost. But he knew what it meant to lie down and not being able to move. To feel helpless, not being able to protect yourself. If Jarl Ulfric had someone speacial in his life, he would just seek them out and threathen their lives. But he doubted that the Jarl had anyone except his right hand man, who was merely his companion in war and nothing more. He was very aware that at any moment, Galmar could return, he had heard enough of their conversation to know that Ulfric was waiting for him to come back.

\- Since you invited me to dinner and not into your private chambers, I won't take more of your time, J'Ziir leaned closer. - I came to make things very clear for you. From now on, you are living on borrowed time. You tried to get me on your side using all the wrong tactics. If you ever touch something that is _mine_ \- I'll rip you to pieces. Or maybe I will challenge you and use the same dirty tricks that you used against the late King. It would be interesting to see what happens to a man when you shout him to death. And if you ever even think of Lydia...well, I guess I won't have to repeat myself.

J'Ziir cocked his head a little when he heard quiet footsteps from the stone stairs. He smiled and straightened his back. - It will take hours for you to recover from the poison. I'll leave you to it then. And during the time when you can't speak, move or even scream, I hope you will think of what I said. And prepare for your own downfall. Because if the Imperials won't cut you down - _I will_. Not because of Skyrim and its people. But because of my family. The one you stole. And the one I got back. This time I'm not about to lose them.

J'Zir grapped the arrow and yanked it out of his shoulder. Jarl Ulfric tried to scream but his mouth produced only quiet wheezing. Big drops of sweat poured from his forehead and his muscles cramped and were desperately trying to move. He was laying on his right side and when the Khajiit disappeared from his view, he still had no idea where he went and how he vanished. And when Galmar knocked on his door few minutes later and finally let himself in, all he could think about was the Dragonborn and what his existence meant for Skyrim. For Ulfric's Skyrim. When Garlmar yelled for the guards to come and search the whole Palace, the whole city and all of Skyrim if need be, one though kept repeating itself in Jarl Uflric's head.

Jo'Azirr's son. The spell. His _daughter_ \- a powerful mage. The Spell - hidden away. His son - the Dragonborn. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. _Don't kill them!_


	70. A new voice

**70\. A new voice**

Escaping the city was surprisingly easy. The guards didn't try to stop him and even though he heard screams and frantic orders around him, he was able to walk calmly to the front gates and leave. He knew that Ulfric wouldn't be able to reveal his attackers name in hours. The guards were searching for someone, but they had no idea who. And of course the mighty Dragonborn, the savior of Skyrim was the last suspect on their lists. Even if they saw him as a potential criminal who attacked the Jarl in his own bedchamber, they didn't dare to make threaths or demands towards him without any solid proof. But of course they wanted to. He was a Khajiit after all. Dragonborn or not.

As he walked out of Windhelm, he felt the brisk wind on his face and saw the first rays of the sun. It was dawn. And at that moment Jarl Ulfric's orders popped into his mind. "_Kill her before the dawn"._ He had sent Lydia out of the city and she was probably waiting at the stables like he ordered her to but he was suddenly feeling very nervous. He couldn't reason why but his pace quickened and he hurried along. He couldn't see her and the stables were still some distance away but it was unexpected to hear her bright, almost happy, relieved voice. It broke the silence of the otherwise quiet morning.

\- J'Ziir! There you are! I was so worried...

Then her words were cut off. And silence fell around him. For a short moment he just stood there and then his legs begun to move on their own. There were no thoughts, just feelings that spurred him into movement. Pain somewhere inside him, in a place he never knew excisted. But it reminded him of that day when he saw his parents die right in front of his eyes. That day he had felt the same kind of fear that surrounded his heart right now.

As he rushed down the snow covered stone stairs, his eyes searched for her familiar form. The silver shaded steel armor, her shapely figure that was much shorter than him but strong and enduring like the woman born from this land. Her brown, tangled hair, her green eyes that were always looking at him filled with emotions, sadness, anger, pity, gentle sorrow and sometimes…more often now than ever before…with _love_.

He located that figure that he so desperately wanted to see alive and scorning him for being late, for making her wait or ordering her out here in the cold for no particular reason. But she wasn't standing on her feet. She was lying there, on the ground, unmoving and silent. And next to her stood a man, shrouded in black. When he saw the tail, he was momentarily caught of guard. Jarl Ulfic's assassin was a Khajiit! How cunning and how hypocritical!

Then he exploded into action. In a blink of an eye his axes were in his hands and he was next to the assassin, who was quick and agile like him but lacked the experience and the years of training he was forced to go through. J'Ziir knew his every move even before he made it and with one clean swipe, he cut of his other leg just below his knee. The snow in front of the Windhelm stables was stained red and the assassin fell, screaming in pain and agony. And it that moment the same cold cruelty that always followed his elven slavers, the wizards who used their spells without a single concern for their victims, took over him. J'Ziir knelt down, smiled and with gruesome consentration cut up his victim, piece by piece until his hands were covered in his blood and the all that remained was a big pile of bodyparts scattered in the bloodstained snow. His victim screamed of course, tried to crawl away but nothing could save the ill fated assassin. And afterwards, when J'Ziir had time to think about what happened, he regognized the insane, joyous laughter of his own patience coming out from his mouth. The same voice who always told him to wait for the right moment. And now, when it couldn't get Jarl Ulfric, it was satisfied with the next best thing.

Almost violently he was pulled back into this moment and when he saw the mess in his hands, the warm blood dripping from his fingers and absorbing into his fur, he wasn't sure what was happening to him. What drove him to be this cruel? And as the guestion came to him, he spun around and spotted Lydia, still lying on the ground, silent and unmoving. This time it wasn't his patience who moved his legs, it was someone new whose cries were painful and desperate to hear. Who kept repeating her name over and over again. He rushed to her and carefully picked her up. He wasn't sure was it her blood that stained his hands, it made no difference. He leaned closer and heard her breath, coming in and out, short and wheezing. He felt her pulse beating on her neck and at that point, his cruel, crule patience silenced the other voice and said calmly "_she's alive, now shut up!_"

J'Ziir picked her into his arms and located his mare which was standing some distance away, saddled and ready to go like he had ordered. He didn't see Lydia's horse anywhere but she wouldn't have much use for it in her current condition. He glanced back at the city and knew that he couldn't return, no matter how desperately Lydia needed help. His inner map opened before his eyes and in an instant he remembered the small cave, one of his hideouts. He had cleared it out of bandits, left some weapons and some necessities there. And it was rather close to Windhelm. It became his obvious choice. He whisteled to his mare and it came to him willingly. He lifted Lydia on its back and hopped on behind her, so that she was placed rather comfortably against his strong upper body. He heard some shouting from the main gates and didn't waste any more time. He urged his mare to move and soon enough the snow storm that was brewing over Windhelm covered their tracks.

It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for. He regognized the two small bushes that hid the entrance to the cave. He jumped down from his horse and pulled Lydia along. At the moment he didn't care about his mare, it was used to taking care of itself and as he entered the cave, the sturdy little animal stubbornly followed him inside. The cave was cold and empty. A small, narrow tunnel led into a larger area where he had weapons and food, firewood and other necessities. He had many different hideouts all across the land and they had proven useful more than once. Some located near the cities, some out in the wilderness. This one was one of the smallest and he immediately knew he wouldn't find any potions here. Not here and not from his knapsack. He had filled the shelves of this hideout with poisons. Easy access, close to Windhelm. Take what you need and go. This hideout wasn't meant for staying and so he had no need to gather much here.

He laid Lydia down on the cold ground, grabbed some wood and lit a small fire. He still didn't know how the assassin managed to injure her or how bad her wound was. He glanced at his hands and saw only the blood stains that remained from the cruel butchering of the assassin. For a moment he thought that Lydia had only fainted, but she was pale and cold sweat covered her forehead. He rummaged through the shelves and found no potions, exactly like he remembered. He knew he had some linen wraps in one of the chests and he grabbed them, hoping he could use them as bandages. He knelt down next to Lydia and suddenly his hands refused to move. All his fingers turned into thumbs. Touching her and removing her clothes was bad enough. Touching her like this, his hands filled with the dried up blood of Jarl Ulfric's assassin was way, way worse. He dropped the cloth beside her, walked out and plunged his arms into the cold, white snow. He rubbed his hands with it until his fingers were numb and he could barely move them. The blood still remained. It was like etched to his skin and to his fur, like a mark he was carrying around now. A mark of the cruelty he could never escape. This is what he was. A beast, meant only for killing.

He returned to the cave and the sight of the pale, unconscious woman slowly woke up the other voice inside him. It urged him to hurry. If he wanted to save her, time was of the essence. No more soul searching. He would have time to for that later. Reluctantly he listened to that voice. It was filled with authority, it sounded very much like his father. But it was also warm and calming, reassuring him that everything would be alright. He knelt down, took a deep breath and begun to remove Lydia's steel armor.

When her breastplate came off, blood gushed out to the ground. The icy, stone floor wasn't able to suck it in. In an instant, his doubts vanished and he truly began to worry for her. He hadn't noticed the huge cut on her back; the assassin's knife had pierced her armor and slashed a nasty, gaping wound near her spine. He didn't hesitate as he quickly removed the rest of the armor, the blood soaked shirt underneath it and her her breastband. He didn't even notice her nakedness when he left her lying there, rushed outside and grabbed a handful of snow. He hoped the coldness would – if not stop the bleeding – at least reduce it. While he was at it, he tossed some more wood to the fire, poured some water into an old pot and begun to warm it.

He didn't know how long it took to stop the bleeding. The pile of bloody rags next to Lydia was growing as the hours crawled by. Finally he was able to wrap the cloth around her upper body and not have it soaked wet only few minutes later. She was like a ghost, her lips were chapped, her cheeks were cold and her limbs were like ice. J'Ziir tucked her underneath all the plankets he had in the cave. He kept the fire going and when she was sleeping soundly, he stood up and moaned. His whole body was stiff and slow. He was hungry and his armor felt like it weighed tons. He glanced at his mare that was standing next to the wall, close to the fire, still wearing its bridle and saddle. He walked to it and gently patted its back.

After the horse was comfortable, its gear removed, its body covered with the last planket he was able to find and with a small pile of hay in front of it, he finally opened the claps of his own armor and sighed when the heavy breastplate fell to the ground. He was not cold, his fur kept him warm but he was hungry. He found some food, some salted meat and a piece of old bread that didn't smell too bad. He slowly ate them and washed them down with a bottle of mead. At that moment the dry piece of bread and the stone hard meat tasted better than any local delicacy that Skyrim had to offer.

He was standing there, wearing only his breeches and he watched Lydia. And tried, tried so very hard to silence that new voice that somehow gained foothold inside him. A voice that cared, that actually wanted to see Lydia recover as fast as possible. To see her smile again. To laugh again. To see that scorning look on her face when he did something she didn't approve. To see the fire burn in those green orbs when she was angry. To see them sparkle when she was happy.

_Happy_. What a new, strange, dangerous word it was. And what a new, strange, dangerous feeling this was. This wanting. To see her happy.

J'Ziir turned away from her and remembered what he said to Ulfic. His family. He would protect _his_ family. Raji, Vilkas, Brynjolf…and Lydia. His tired eyes once again found her, tucked under the covers, looking so small, so weak and helpless. And the tiny, little hole in his heart grew bigger and bigger with every passing second.

He was tired, so very tired to fight against this. An endless battle. Leaving her hadn't helped. The Queen followed her even to High Hrothgar. Letting her stay would only cause him to sink deeper. And what would happen if she won? that new, calm voice asked.

If she won - how much would I have to give up? he answered. And if she were to die…how would I be able to live on without her?

* * *

_A/N: I am truly sorry it has taken me this long. My work schedule is a mess, I've had 12 hours days and hunders and hunders of kilometers of driving (after coming home I just crawl to bed and fall instantly asleep). Now, finally I might have some time for myself and for this story again. Thank you for your patience, dear readers. :)_


	71. Part of something

**71\. Part of something**

The first thing Lydia sensed when she woke up was thirst. She heard sound of water somewhere close to her, how it dripped down and pooled into a small puddle to the stony ground. She tried to turn towards it but her head wouldn't move. She swallowed and her her throat was as dry as a dessert.

Someone moved around her. She heard huffled footsteps. Then, a horse nighed and its hoofs clapped the ground. She smelled the scent of hay and the wet fur of the animal. She tried to understand where she was and what happened. She remembered waiting for J'Ziir, outside of Windhelm, near the stables like they agreed. And then he appeared from the snow…at least it was someone who resembled him. And then she only saw the sharp, silvery blade which she wasn't able to dodge and felt the pain, the blood and the fear. She was feeling so very tired, the exhaustion almost overtook the need to drink. She tried to move but immediately she felt the sharp, burning twinge somewhere in her lower back. She cried out and that someone, who was moving around her, knelt beside her.

\- Lydia? J'Ziir's calm voice asked. – How are you feeling?

\- Water, she mumbled.

He moved away and after a few minutes she felt how a small cup filled with fresh water was placed against her lips. She drank the whole cup, it was like this was the first time she ever tasted water. Each gulp made her feel better and stronger. It was cool and refreshing and tasted so very good. When the cup was empty, she sighed and was finally able to pry her eyes open. The grey stone cealing was the first thing she saw. Filled with moss, dripping with moist, partly covered with mushroom like growth and icicles hanging from here and there. Then she moved her eyes to the right and saw the small fire and smelled the food, smoked salmon and something else, rabbit maybe, even something as delicious as chicken. J'Ziir noticed her gaze and shook his head.

\- Don't get up, he said. – You have a massive wound in your back and I have no potions.

\- I have, Lydia wheezed. – Why didn't you use them?

\- Where? he asked.

\- In my knapsack, she patiently explained. – I always have two or three bottles, just in case. When the slaughterfish bit me in Riften and you called me a silly woman. I learnt my lesson.

J'Ziir located her pack, lying in the corner where he tossed it after he carried Lydia in. After that he didn't pay any attention to it. He didn't notice it even when he left the hideout for couple of hours. Hoping to find a farmhouse or some food. He did find food, a skinny rabbit, a dead goat which was half eaten by wolves and which he didn't want to drag along. Some fish, which he bought from a hunter he met on the way back. But no potions. He also wanted to make sure no one was following them. It'd been hours; Jarl Ulfric was probably recovering…and maybe sending an army after them. But so far he saw no signs of pursuers.

He was silently calling himself a fool when two large, red bottles fell into his lap from Lydia's knapsack. Why not go for the obvious choice? he asked himself and handed the bottles to her. A housecarl's duty number one: always have some potions at hand in case of an emergency. Keep your Thane alive. After the first two gulps, Lydia's face was starting to gain colour and only an hour later she was back to her old self, blabbering and talking, asking guestions and watching him with those curios, half serious eyes of hers.

J'Ziir decided it was best to feed her first. At least that way he would have time to gather his thoughts and decide what to say and what not to say. He served her the last remains of the food and she devoured them like a hungry beast, eating with her fingers, tearing the flesh from the bone and stuffing it inside her mouth before she was even able to chew or to swallow. Discreetly J'Ziir brought her a cup of water and she grabbed before he had a chance to place it next to her. In few seconds the cup was empty and lying on the ground.

\- What happened? Lydia finally wiped her mouth. Her eyes were searching answers from his face.

\- An assassin, J'Ziir replied and sat down by the fire. – Like I said, Jarl Ulfric wanted you dead.

\- Why? she gasped. – What did I ever do?

\- Enough, J'Ziir scoffed. – You rejected him, didn't you?

\- But that's no reason for…Lydia paused and stared at him. – Wait. How do you know about it?

First guestion. First pause. First chance to think what to say. And what not to say. He considered his options, calculated. If he told her that he was at the Temple, he would have to admit he knew of her feelings. And if he knew about them, he would have to answer to them. Accept them or deny them. And he didn't know which was worse. So he kept avoiding it the best he could.

\- Well? Lydia pestered him.

\- I know because I visited the Jarl last night, J'Ziir finally answered.

\- You met him? Lydia was baffled. – When?

\- Last night, J'Ziir repeated.

\- But…I met him as well, Lydia insisted. – Don't you remember when you grabbed me and told me to leave the city?

\- I know you met him, J'Ziir tossed another wood to the fire. – That's why I told you to leave.

\- How did you know? Lydia asked. – That he sent someone after me?

Second guestion. Second pause. Second chance. To hear it as a rumor or to admit being there. Knowing things he didn't want to know. But who would tell rumors about assassins in the middle of the night? Especially about assassin that the Jarl himself used. It was not a logical explanation; no one would believe it, especially Lydia. She had somehow developed an ability to see through him, see through his exuses and platant lies.

\- I…heard it, he replied and avoided her eyes.

\- From who? Lydia frowned and he could clearly see how her brains were working. She was sure he was not telling the truth and was determined to squeeze it out of him. And he was as determined to keep it hidden.

\- I have eyes everywhere, J'Ziir said. - You should know that by now.

\- Oh, so your mysterious source was in the Temple while I met the Jarl? Lydia poked deeper. – How interesting. Did this invisible person tell you everything that happened there?

Third guestion. Third pause. His chances were running out. To hear the word "_invisible_" from her lips almost made him jump. It was like she knew he had been there and deliberately steered the converstation towards the danger zone. He was still considering his answer, when her eyes flashed and she smiled.

\- You were there, weren't you? Lydia said. – In the Temple of Talos. You saw me as the guards led me to him and couldn't stay away, could you?

Fourth guestion. No, an accusation. One last pause. And he had stepped right into the nest of the Queen. And now he was wiggling in its web, feeling the sticky strands squeezing tight around him and suffocating him. He stood up, quickly and knocked down Lydia's empty cup. He was confused and alarmed, like he was caught red handed, doing something illegal and forbidden. He walked away from her, as far as he could and stopped at entrance, hearing the wind whistling outside of the cave, rustling in the bushes and flying the snow around. He was feeling like one of those light, white flakes, being whisked in the wind and not being able to stop, not being able to determine the direction he was going to.

\- You said you met him, Lydia was suddenly by his side and he was terrified of her. Being able to come so close and so quietly. So that he didn't know, hear or see her. – That's why we needed to leave Windhelm? What did you do?

At this point there was no need to hide anything. – I told him who I was. And I told him to stay away from my…family.

\- Family? Lydia blinked her eyes. – Am I…part of that family?

\- You, J'Ziir looked at her. – You are part of something.

\- Something that doesn't exist? Lydia sighed.

\- If it didn't exist, you wouldn't be part of it, now would you? J'Ziir mumbled.

She was quiet for a moment. Then she looked at him once more. – You said you told him who you were. What do you mean by that? He already knows you are the Dragonborn, right?

\- He knew that much, J'Ziir nodded. – But now he knows something else as well. That I am the son of that mage he knew all those years ago. The mage he murdered.

\- Murdered…but…that means? Lydia tried to piece it all together. – He was resbonsible for murdering your family?

\- He came with his men and butchered everyone, J'Ziir said and his eyes were looking at something that was so far, far away in the past but still caused so much misery and pain. – I witnessed it all. Before he came, Raji and I were playing hide-and-seek. She was hiding in the carriage, I heard her giggle when I searched for her. When they came, I glanced at her and urged her to stay there. I guess the men were having fun, practicing and shooting arrows at the poor old animal. It fled and ran straight over the edge of cliff. The vagon trailing behind, Raji still hiding inside it.

Lydia was baffled to hear all this. She didn't like Jarl Ulfric but knowing what he did with his men made her dislike him even more. And then…what happened to J'Ziir? Seeing his family murdered right in front of his eyes, living through it all, it caused her heart to ache and cry for him.

\- You heard what I told him, didn't you? Lydia finally asked and didn't dare to look into his eyes. – When he offered me the place as his Queen. And I replied…

\- I know what you said, J'Ziir interrupted him. – Don't repeat it. It's not worth it.

\- What do you mean? Lydia lifted her gaze.

\- Your feelings, J'Ziir uttered. – Are not real. What do you even know about me? To claim that you…

\- Yes, say it! Lydia faced him. – You can't, can you? The word "_love_" isn't part of your vocabulary. And I know enough to see that this hissy fit you are having is yet another way of trying to make me angry and stop talking about this.

\- Hissy fit? J'Ziir stared at her.

\- And you're right. I know very little about you, Lydia grapped his arm. – Because you never tell me anything. How am I supposed to know when you keep it all hidden?

J'Ziir sighed. It was clear that he was loosing this battle. And when you are standing on the edge, it's important to play time. He walked back to fire, sat down and when Lydia followed him, he looked at her. And then he opened the doors that had been locked for a long, long time. As the words begun to pour out there was no stopping them. He shared everything he remembered, the sunny, beautiful, warm days of her childhood, when he spent his time with Raji and Brynjolf. He allowed himself to travel back to that time when he lost everything and he was sold, used, tortured, tested and trained. When he lost his will to live and he begged to die. When he was lifted back to his feet and forced to move on. And when he finally found the one reason that kept him alive.

His story lasted for hours but Lydia didn't count the seconds. She was absorbed by his words, she could clearly see every moment, and she lived those horrifying days by his side, cried when he cried and felt the same anger and hate that he felt. And with every passing moment she realized how much this man needed to be loved. And her heart was overflowing; she desperately wanted to give it all to him, if only he would allow it. She wanted to be there by his side and make sure that he would never again feel lonely or apandoned or overpowered by this world and its demands.

When he finally grew silent, after spending so many hours drifting through those dark days, he felt empty and hollow. Like the icy wind of Skyrim forced its way inside him and dusted all those closed rooms and took with it the webs, the dark, dark shadows and all the confinding, rusty iron chackles that were still binding his hands and ankles. He was tired but he felt surprisingly free.

\- Now you know, he finally said.

\- Now I know, Lydia smiled. – And I still love you.

\- You shouldn't, J'Ziir said but the fire had died out. He didn't have the strength to resist her anymore. – There is no love left in me. I have nothing to give.

\- I don't believe that, Lydia shook her head. – When you look at Sura and you look at Mila, I see the gentneless in your eyes. There is lots of love, you just don't want to let it be seen.

\- Don't love me, Lydia, J'Ziir persisted. – It will only cause you pain.

\- And if I was in pain, how you would feel? she asked.

\- Don't ask me that, J'Ziir frowned. - When you know I can't answer.

\- I'm part of something, Lydia smiled, leaned forward and kissed him. – And for now, that's good enough for me.


	72. My pillow and my blanket

_A/N: Coming up: Lydia's skillful seduction ;)._

* * *

**72\. My pillow and my blanket**

Lydia didn't know what woke her up. A dream? A strange sound? A bright light behind her closed eyelids? She had no idea but suddenly she was wide awake. And she didn't feel tired at all. She opened her eyes and saw how the small, cozy fire painted its orange shapes at the roof of the small cave. How the wet stone glittered and the glowing mushrooms bathed in an eerie, green light. She heard the crackling of the wood when the flames slowly engulfed it and as she turned her gaze she saw the charred remains, still enveloped by the orange flames.

J'Ziir sat by the fire. He didn't move, only stared at the flames, buried in deep thoughts. There was a strange look in his eyes, like he was thinking something so difficult that the outside world didn't exist at all. His pupils were two narrow slits and he was barely breathing. Lydia had never seen anyone sit so still hours hours at a time. She remembered him sitting like that when she fell asleep, watching him, knowing he was there, just on the edges of her visionfield. Sitting there, legs crossed, his arms resting on top of his knees, his tail curled around him and only the dark tip moving, to the rhytym of his mind. It was a clear indicator of his feelings and more than once J'Ziir had revealed his emotions through his tails. He could be completely dead, cold and silent and still be boiling of rage inside. And the only thing that hinted at his emotions was his tail. Trashing like an angry whip, from side to side, fast and furios.

And here he still was, in the same position, same look on his face. Hours later, staying next to her. He was silent, unmoving, unfeeling. And yet his tail moved. Once again like it had a mind of its own. It left his side and slithered forward and suddenly Lydia felt how it softly touched her leg. She blinked and couldn't really believe what was happening. Didn't he notice that she was awake? Didn't he realize that she could feel it, that soft appendage rubbing against her leg?

Before she even knew how to react, his tail pulled away and something flashed in his eyes. Like he realized what it was doing, like it was an untamed pet that he needed to control. He pulled it back, glanced at it criticizingly and curled it around his own leg once again. He reached out and tossed another wood to the fire. And then he resumed to his deep thoughts, his eyes grew distant and he was staring somewhere far, far away. And like before, his tail decided it could not be controlled to easily. It wanted something else, to touch the soft skin of Lydia's leg.

Lydia was mesmerized. She watched as it moved, up and down, up and down, slowly and carefully. And then it left his side, stopped and glanced back like it wanted to know did he notice. Lydia watched as it found its way under her planket and this time it wasn't satisfied just by gently touching her leg. It reacher higher, gently caressed her knee and then her thigh. At that point she grabbed it and squeezed it hard. It didn't take long for J'Ziir to wake up from his half dead state. Like a fiery lighting he turned to her, his sharp hunting knife at his hand and pressed against her throat.

\- It's me, J'Ziir! Lydia cried when the dangerous, strange look in his eyes didn't vanish. – Have you lost your mind?

The moment when he regognized her never left her mind. Like his brain couldn't understand that it was really her, right there in front of him, his annoying but suddenly so important housecarl, the woman he was trying banish from his mind and from his thoughts. His ears lifted and they were now pointing slightly outward as if he was listening to something very carefully. His narrow eyes widened and his pupils grew larger. His bared teeth vanished and he cleared his throath as he pulled back from her.

\- What do you need? he asked nonchalantly like Lydia wasn't lying on her back and fearing for life.

\- You tried to kill me! she whispered and sat up.

\- As if you never wanted to get rid of me, J'Ziir pointed out and sheated his knife. - Remember the troll at the road to High Hrothgar

\- Exuse me? Lydia calmed down her beating heart. – When have I ever attacked you with a knife? And just because I squeezed your tail that was making moves on me.

J'Ziir stared at her and then he glanced at his tail that was now lying on the ground, next to his foot, looking completely innocent, brainless and unmoving. _I didn't do anything!_ – No, it wasn't.

\- Yes, it was! she argued. – Don't tell me you didn't notice how it wiggled under my planket and caressed my…

\- You talk like it has a mind of its own, J'Ziir interrupted her.

\- It might as well have, Lydia scoffed. – Because it seems to know very clearly where it wants to be and what it wants to touch. Unlike its owner.

\- Have you slept enough? J'Ziir ignored her words. – Are you ready to leave?

\- No, Lydia shook her head. – I'm still in pain. My back is aching.

\- You emptied two large bottles of healing potion, J'Ziir pointed out. – And you destroyed the rest of the food I managed to scrounge up. We don't even have any water left because you drank it all as well. And you're not alright? That's hard to believe.

\- Well, I'm not, Lydia said sternly. – You want to go, then go. I'll follow you when I can.

He stood up and for a moment Lydia really thought he was going to get his things and be on his way. But instead he walked to the entrance and came back carrying some firewood in his arms. He dropped them next to the sleeping roll and sat back down. A long sigh escaped from his mouth.

\- Well, aren't you going? Lydia asked when he just sat there, unmoving.

\- My back is aching too, J'Ziir snapped at her. – When I dragged you here last night, half dead. Have you been eating too many sweetrolls?

\- Are you saying that I'm fat? Lydia glared at him. – It was my armor that weighed so much. If you'd lift me up now I bet you wouldn't even have to try.

\- Are you sure? J'Ziir glanced at her. – That it was the armor and not that layer of blubber under your chin?

Lydia sighed. So, we are back at this, she thought. She had no idea what brought this up. The days when J'Ziir used to be awful to her, call her his slave, a moron or a nuisance were long gone, or so she wanted to believe. But here he was, once again running his mouth and throwing insults at her. Well, she thought as she prepared herself to shed some tears. Better use another tactic this time and kill him with kindness.

But she didn't know about the struggle her Thane was going through. Only insulting her held up the thin walls that he still managed to keep around him. Only making her mad and seeing her draw away from him silenced that awful need to reach out and pull her close. But somehow it all backfired. He had caluculated that she would get mad, stand up and walk away, in the best scenario she would even take her sleeping roll, stomp to the fartherst corner of the cave and bury herself inside it for the rest of the night. What he didn't realize that he could have done the same, leave Lydia beside the fire and fortify his own fortress that was now crumbling down way too fast. If he wasn't careful, soon it would be as decrepit as the old Nordic ruins that dottet the landscape of Skyrim.

But all his careful analysis and calculations were thrown out of the window when Lydia's lower lip begun to tremble. Her eyes were filled with tears and that suffering look on her face twisted his insides painfully. She watched him like she was had been betrayed by her own family member. Like someone very dear had stabbed her in the back and she couldn't understand the reason behind it.

\- Why, she uttered. – Why are you so mean to me suddenly?

\- When have I ever been kind? he asked her but couldn't look at her face. Instead he stared at the flames till his eyes were hurting.

\- I thought you might have changed, Lydia spoke and her voice was very quiet. – It seemed that you had.

\- Changed? J'Ziir grabbed her hand and his yanked her closer. – To what? To some Nordic hero you are waiting to appear? Like I could suddenly turn from this ugly old cat into something else?

\- I don't need you to be something else, Lydia said and unlike him, she didn't raise her voice. – I know what you are. The good and the bad.

\- There is only bad, J'Ziir released her hand but she didn't move away from him. – Like you just witnessed. And if you want to go and find someone nicer, I'm not standing in your way. Find the man you really want to be with.

\- He is already here with me, Lydia suddenly understood the reason for his erratic behavior and cupped his face. – You can pretend to be bad all you want, throw your tantrums and show your ugly side, but I know that somewhere deep down inside this ugly, old cat, the good is doing its best trying to hide. But I intend to find it.

\- How? J'Ziir was curios and he didn't want to push her hands away, even when every fiber of his being told him to.

\- With love, Lydia kissed his forehead and then his nose. – Because I love _you_.

\- I heard it the first time, J'Ziir frowned. – You don't need to repeat it.

\- I love you, Lydia giggled and wrapped her arms around him. – I love you, love you, love you, love you…

\- Enough already, J'Ziir pinched her lips shut.

\- I'm going to keep telling you, Lydia insisted. – Until you get used to it. Until you can't live without hearing it. Until you can't even think of me without feeling it. I'm going to make sure that my image is the first thing you see in your mind when you wake up and when you go to sleep.

\- And how you'll manage that? J'Ziir leaned back when Lydia leaned closer. He was starting to feel things he tried his best to avoid. Her soft skin under her clothes was warm and burned against his own, her scent, her pinegreen eyes, deep and mysterious as the forests of Skyrim. Her brown hair that hanged loosely on her shoulders and followed her every movement like a silky veil.

\- I know it will take time, Lydia whispered seductively and he had to draw his other ear back because her voice tickled his eardrums. For a soft, sexy whisper it was quite loud. He could have heard her miles away. – Weeks, maybe even months. It's a long process, so I better get started. And…there's no time like the present.

J'Ziir swallowed. He had an inkling of what she meant and he was very worried. They were here all alone and he had nowhere to run. Even his angry side, his most hurtful way of treating her didn't work anymore. His ignorance, his insult bounced of from her like spells from a magic ward. To him it was all too unfair and he was still planning his next plan of action when Lydia completely surprised him. She grasped his shoulders and with all her strength she pushed him on his back and before he could get up and realize what was happening, she straddled him and smiled.

\- Lydia, he muttered and she was enjoying his multiple reactions. The panic in his eyes, his hard arousal that she felt poking against her inner thigh and that slightly confused, alarmed look in his face.

\- Relax, she coeed at him. – I won't hurt you. Not much anyway.

\- Hurt me? he asked and now there was amusement in his voice. Like he really wanted to see her besting him in battle and even injure him someway.

\- Do you remember that night in Whiterun? Lydia sighed and as his body twitched underneath her, she knew it was right there in his mind. All she had to do was open the door. – And do you know what was best thing about it?

\- Are you…expecting me to answer to that? J'Ziir frowned but he was not very eager to get away from her. His mind was settled now into this game, he wanted to see where it led and how far Lydia was able to take this.

\- I will tell you, Lydia pouted. – If you let me.

\- Alright, housecarl, J'Ziir lifted his hands and crossed them under his head like he was eager to hear this, settling in for a long and interesting story. - Go for it.

\- You weren't careful with me, Lydia said and her answer surprised him. He cocked his eyebrow and stared at her.

\- You say it like it's a bad thing, he rolled his eyes. – Weren't you looking for the best?

\- It was the best thing, Lydia slapped her hand against his mouth. – Just let me explain and don't interrupt me anymore, alright?

He pushed her hand away, wanted to say something, argue maybe, but then he decided it was best to stay quiet. He looked indifferent, like nothing she said conserned him but his ears were pointed right at her and she almost giggled. He was listening very, very carefully.

\- With other men, Lydia begun and saw his ears flinch. Just mentioning someone else seemed to flair him up and she was happy that his strong body was momentarily trapped underneath her so he couldn't run away as fast as he wanted. – With other men, I've always felt like I was played, fooled, tricked. Like I was some princess that needed all their attention and all the honeyed words and empty promises. But with you…that night we didn't exchange many words. You didn't tell me you loved me just to get into my pants. You didn't promise me anything, you didn't spend hours trying to soften me up. You just took me, like I was yours to take. Even Jarl Ulfric offered me a place as his Queen, as that was something I really wanted. Men always seem to think that women aren't driven by their needs as well. That in order to feel excitement we must have the moons and the stars and finest bedrooms and silky sheets underneath us.

\- And do you? J'Ziir asked her.

\- No, Lydia caressed his chest. – All I need is you. I don't want a bed; I could sleep on bare rock as long as I could share it with you. You are soft enough to be my pillow and warm enough to be my blanket.

\- Is your monologue over? J'Ziir grabbed her shoulders and tried to push her aside.

\- Yes, Lydia smiled but didn't move an inch. – It's over. But something else is just starting. I won't talk anymore but I do intend to use my mouth. On your body.

\- Wha..?

\- I want a repeat of that night, she pressed herself closer. He blinked and she felt how his heart was beating faster and how his mucles tightened. – And I don't want you to be nice or careful. Because I don't intend to give you mercy either.

She bit her lower lip and with the tip of her tongue she touched his lips, softly and quickly. – And this time, she ran her hands down her chest. – I'll make sure you never forget. For as long as you live. Even if someone came after me, you'd still remember that it was I, _I_\- who loved you with all my heart.

* * *

_A/N: *clears throat* krmh, adult content in the next chapter. Not suitable for kiddies.  
_


	73. The gentle rain of mercy

_A/N: This chapter contains adult content. Not suitable for children. _

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**73\. The gentle rain of mercy**

How could there ever be anyone after Lydia? When she was the only one he had ever allowed to come this close. There had been two strong women in his life, two women, who he had truly cared for. The first one was his mother and up until that frightful day he remembered feeling love and adoration towards her, mixed with little fear and respect. And the second one was Beelei. His mother gave him his life and his dignity and when it was taken from him, Beelei gave it back. But in the end he had lost them both, one after the other. But even his Argonian lover, his trainer, his only friend after his captivity, hadn't been able to drill a hole through that silent, frozen fortress of his.

He was always sure that there would never be anyone. He had tolerated Lydia but the longer she remained by his side, the more he got used to her. And like a ghost or a spririt, something he couldn't see or hear or grab and toss away, Lydia crept inside him and built herself a small, little home. And now she intented to lit the fire, settle down and move in for good.

She was sitting there, on top of him and smiled. Her words still hung in the air between them. And he knew that if he didn't push her away, if he allowed this to happen, it would mean accepting her love and admitting that he felt something as well. This time he wouldn't be able to blame no one but himself. And then that new voice spoke up again. He heard his patience, somewhere deep inside him, ordering him to push Lydia aside and focus on what was important. _Revenge, revenge, revenge!_ But this new, kind, gentle, caring voice drowned his patience out completely and spoke with a soft, soothing tone.

_You have more in your life now, _it said. _More than revenge. Someone who is willing to live and die by your side. Don't you think that's amazing? To find someone who loves you, as you are, with all your flaws? Who has seen what you can be at your worst and hasn't turned away? Who has listened your insults and harsh words, who has cried countless tears for your behalf and who still is right here? _

The words swept through him and they felt refreshing. Like stepping on a clear mountain stream on a hot, summer's day. Or standing on top of tall mountain, breathing in the winter air and looking down. Something changed in him; he felt it, like rusty, ancient Dwemer gears turning on some old, long forgotten machine. It begun to file things in his mind and pushed Jarl Ulfric and the flaming words like "revenge" and "murder" and "death" away from the limelight. It stored them away, not permanently and not very far so they would be easily located when needed. Instead the machine brought forward words like friendship, compassion, Lydia, Raji and family. He figured that "love" was still a bit too raw for his mind to handle; it didn't even know for sure what it meant but the next word he understood without explanation.

_Lust._

His body was feeling it, his heart was pumping it. His blood filled with it. The intoxicating fumes that surrounded them both and trapped them in this moment, tied them together with its invisible strings. He knew it was more than that this time. The night they spent together in Whiterun. That was lust. Pure and simple. Satisfying a need they both had back then. But this…this was something else, something almost too dangerous for him to think about. There were feelings mixed in, sparkling like small nuggets of gold in hot, red lava stream. This time he didn't want to forget and he was tired of repeating to himself that he didn't want this. He had never wanted anything more.

Lydia yelped when he put his arms around her waist, when he pulled her tighter to him and lifted his head. Her helpless moan was drowned out by his kiss which was warm and soft, filled with promise and anticipation. Lydia claimed she didn't want him to be slow or gentle but the way she sighed into their kiss told him otherwise. She pulled her hands against his chest and buried them in to that thick, black fur that covered his body and there he held her, shielded in his arms. Her small, curios tongue slipped out of her mouth and begun to will its way into his and when he felt it on his sharp fangs, he tasted blood, metallic and coppery and felt wrong, almost crushed knowing that it was her blood that filled his senses. To hurt her, to cause her bleed and be in pain, made him feel nauseous. He had never wanted her to feel safer than at this moment.

He drew back and watched her, her eyes gleaming and sparkling like diamonds in the last dying light of the fire. Whatever happened, he knew he would have this image inside of his head for the rest of his life. _Lydia_. Right there in his arms. Her beautiful smile illuminating his life like a lighthouse on a cloudy, dark night when there were no stars, no auroras and the moons hid themselves from his view.

Before he had time to think or analyse more, Lydia leaned closer and kissed his forehead, his nose, his lips and then her hot, wet mouth begun to slide down. She stopped at his neck, caressed the fur that was slightly thinner, slightly greyer and felt the rough skin beneath it. She could imagine the heavy chackles weighing down on him and she wanted to erase those memories and create new ones, find every scar and kiss it, remark it as her territory from now on. She heard his breathing getting heavier and she smiled against his skin. With her fingertips she explored his upper body and was sad to realize that beneath the fur there wasn't one single part that hadn't been damaged or injured in someway. The man she loved had his reasons for his anger and she was beginning to understand him better. His words told her his story but his body told her everything else, things he couldn't descripe with his mouth. Her heart fluttered, swelled and she pressed herself against him as if that somehow could relay all the love she felt for him. Was there no way of stopping that boat that sailed back and forth in the heavy, stormy seas of his mind? The boat he used to pick up his tormented memories like cargo filled with rotting corpses. Carcasses that should have been dead and buried but which came back to life when he wanted, when he opened the door and invited them in.

J'Ziir came to the sudden realization that he would feel perfectly content if Lydia just layed there by his side. They didn't have to do anything, it was enough just to feel her close. But her closeness made him want more. His big hands with sharp, deadly claws slid down her sides and she squirmed and chuckled. Then, at the edge of her waistline, they begun to return back up, only this time tucked deep under her thin shirt. He curved his claws upwards but was careful not to hurt her, he only wanted to feel her skin fill with goosepumps. He felt how a chill ran down her spine, it verberated in him and she arched her back and bit her lower lip to stifle a soft, breathy moan. Her cheeks were already flushed and her body was trembling and he barely even touched her. He intended to take this slow, enjoy all the tiny moans and helpless cries, little whimpers and muffled sobs that she uttered.

But Lydia had other plans. Like she said, she expected no mercy from him. She pulled father, pried his hands away and without any hesitation she tore her shirt off and tossed it aside. It landed right on top of the smouldering remains of their bondfire and like their mutual desire it burst into flames and burned brightly. Later Lydia asked him about the shirt and he was completely caught of guard. He actually couldn't remember what happened to it.

Lydia took his hands and guided them, showed him where she wanted him to touch. But he didn't need guidance. Ever since that night when it all came back to him, in that hard, stony bed at High Hrothgar, he knew all her sensitive spots, all the places were those whispers and murmurs were hidden. Places that made her cry and gasp. He sat up and watched her dead in the eyes as his claws untied the knots on her breastband. The cloth slipped of and melted away and his raspy tongue found her sensitive, already hardened nipples. She threw her head back, wrapped her arms around his head and her pupils dilated. She saw the ceiling above them, the glowing mushrooms and the long strips of moss. The mushrooms were pulsating, like she was. The wetness dripped from the moss, it was slowly leaking, like she was. Her body ached for more. He pushed her back, grabbed her hands and forced them behind her so that she had support herself. He grabbed her behind and lifted her higher so that he could now attack any part of her naked upper body with his tongue and with his lips.

His tongue was like wet sandpaper but it made her tingle all over. She was already getting closer to the edge – _no, not so quick_, she thought in her frantic mind! His wet mouth with its dangerous sharp fangs brought out quivering, little sobs of pleasure from her. Her body was so responsive to his touch, her nipples so tender and sensitive and with each lick, with each suck, his mouth made her grow wet and slicky and needy. She opened up like a soft, juicy fruit and graved something inside her and she was silently cursing when she realized he was still comfortably wearing his breeches and had no intentions of taking them off.

He smelled her scent, sensed her building arousal. Lydia's plan didn't include mercy but his plan didn't involve a quick release. She might beg for it like someone else would beg for mercy. But he wasn't about to let her go easy. He focused on her round, beautiful breasts and he intended to keep his focus on them for a while longer. And as his mouth continued to tease, to lick and to suck, to rub and torture, his hand slipped slower, brushed her bellybutton and her stomach convulsed. Like her body told her that he would be welcomed, that the road ahead was cleared of traps. He pushed his hand inside her pants and begun his slow and meticulous assault. Lydia begun to pant, tiny droplets of sweat broke out on her skin, they trickled down her body and between her breasts. He tasted her sweat and that rusty old machine inside his head stored that information for him. This was the taste of his _woman_. And that knowledge was placed in a sturdy safe, so that it would never be lost or destroyed. He felt her squeeze around his fingers, like a wet, silky fabric, convulsing slowly and trying to accommodate his probing touch.

And all too soon he backed away. Lydia uttered a disappointed moan and J'Ziir grinned. She had never seen him like this before, with that glitter of light in his eyes, that amused, almost playful smile on his face. She had all but forgotten her own words, now her only wish was him to continue what he has doing with his hands and with his mouth. He touched her shoulder and turned her around so that she was now lying on her stomach. She could feel the cold, stone floor through the bedroll and the frozen moist begun to seep into her. But in the next moment she forgot the cold and the stone floor and the icicles hanging from the cealing above her. J'Ziir's tongue traced the outline of the big, reddish scar on her back. His touch was so gentle, so conserned and considerate, that tears broke out between her closed eyelids. She was unable to stop them and her heart swelled until there was no more room for anything else than for this man and for this moment. She turned and reached for him, took his hand and wrapped it around herself. And for a moment they just layed there, side by side, in eachother's arms.

\- When I die, J'Ziir spoke with a low, defeated voice. – Don't follow me, Lydia. Just find your own, brighter path. Don't fall into the darkness with me.

\- Even if it was clear spring day, Lydia responded. – I wouldn't be able to see anything without you. And when you die, I'm going with you, wheter you like it or not.

\- I don't want you to, he said and buried his face into her hair. – I don't want to drag you with me into the deepest depths of Oblivion.

\- I don't care where you go, Lydia whispered and turned to him. – I'll be here. Right by your side.

_I don't want to kill you! _he wanted to shout. _Leave me before it's too late. I don't want to be responsible for your death. Not yours. To see you die because of me, instead of me…before me…I'd rather go before you, so that I don't have stay here, all alone…_

\- I know, Lydia kissed him and pulled him closer. – I know. But we are not dying right now. And even though the world around us in plunged into chaos and we are tossed right into the middle of it all, let's not think about it now. Forget the war, the dragons, and the demands of the Greybeards. Forget everything else but me. I am here and I want to be with you.

He couldn't turn away from here, even if the World-Eater himself landed outside their cave and demanded to face him. And like Lydia wanted, he gave her no mercy that night.


	74. Light of the living souls

_A/N: Adult content continues. Still not suitable for children ;).  
_

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**74\. Light of the living souls**

She felt like a storm swept through the cave. Expect this storm was made out of fire and brimstone, feelings she couldn't descripe with her words. Only her heart understood everything, accepted everything and embraced everything. She was like a moth fluttering towards the hot flames, knowing she might die but couldn't care less. If she died, she would die in the best place possible, inside his arms.

His hands were on hers, his mouth glided down her body and she felt his claws on her hips when he practically ripped her pants of. Her smallclothes followed the same path and the next morning Lydia was glad that she was able to find them intact. When he nudged her thighs apart she wasn't afraid or ashamed to expose herself to his eyes and to his touch. A few second before he actually touched her, she wondered what it would be like to feel that raspy, rough tongue against her. And when he finally tasted her, parted her folds and devoured her, her eyes widened and she tried to push him away. It was too much and too hard. Her thighs tried to close in on him but he pushed them apart and used his strong arms to hold her open. Lydia's breathing turned into panting and after a while it didn't resemble breathing at all. She felt like she was drowning, like her lungs were filled with water. She was plunged head first into a boiling hot spring and the bubbles swirled around her, inside her and culminated into that one, tight spot between her legs where his curios, thick tongue explored and wandered.

She didn't know was it pain or pleasure she was feeling or or both mixed together but she was no longer trying to pull away. Instead she grinded herself against him. He sensed her sudden change of mood, her obedience and her submission and he probed deeper. His mouth found the tiny little bud filled with nerve endings and as he brushed it, she jerked up, looked at him and she bit her lower lip so hard that she tasted her own blood. Seeing her like that suddenly brought back Brynjolf's words of advice. _"Ladies like licking. You have a rough tongue, use it!"_

He wondered why only now, weeks later he put his brother's words into action. The pleasure his mouth seemed to give her was beyond anything he could've imagined. And he hadn't realized that he was receiving as much pleasure from it, maybe even more. But as much as he liked doing it, he couldn't help but notice how his mind filed information for him. Lydia's taste contained now more than the aroma of her sweat. He was annoyed when he realized it. That his mind couldn't completely shut out its calculative part, even in this situation when he wanted nothing more than to consentrate solely on her. Like it was somehow planning to use this information later.

As such thoughts crossed his mind he saw Lydia open her eyes and glanced at him. It was the kind of look that wondered what happened. Why wasn't he continuing? He chuckled and bent his head lower. He felt her nails in the back of his head and begun to rub and tease that little nub that gave her so much pleasure. At the same time he pushed one of his fingers inside her and felt how her slick inner walls first resisted him and then accommodated him. Her moans were now high and heavy, the small cave echoed with them and even his mare who had been standing in the corner, half asleep, glanced at them like the loud noises and the unexpected racket disturbed its rest.

Lydia climaxed around his fingers and against his mouth. And one more piece of information locked into place in his mind. Her taste when she was spent, floating on air, when she held on for as long as she could and finally let go. When her muscles convulsed like the tide, coming and going, over and over again.

Her chest heaved and she whimpered when he pulled his fingers from her, when he layed beside her and allowed her to breathe. He smiled and felt awfully content, very satisfied with himself. He was still hard as a rock but his own need could wait, he was still holding on to it with iron chains. He found it amusing that Lydia had boldly claimed to use her own mouth on his body. Instead things had turned differently. She was now laying there, gasping for air and J'Ziir knew for sure that this wouldn't be the last time he intented to do this to her. It seemed to cripple her entirely and for once she didn't have anything smart to say.

\- You bastard, Lydia managed to smack him in his arm. – Why did you keep this hidden from me? Do you have any idea how many times I've dreamed of this?

J'Ziir frowned. He wasn't sure what she meant. Was she really saying that she would have agreed before? In any of those countless nights they spent together, under the open sky, sleeping in their bedrolls, next to each other.

\- What? he muttered, confused.

\- Who was it? Lydia sat up, supported herself with her arms and peered at him, her eyes flaming dangerously. – That taught you these things?

\- Do they need to be taught? J'Ziir asked and his eyes weren't focused on her face. Instead they caressed her breasts which were at the same level with his face.

\- Oh, so you're saying that you just absorbed all the information of female anatomy magically? Lydia smacked him again and this time he grabbed her and pulled her against him. – Everything requires practice, even this. So, who was it?

J'Ziir looked at her and considered should he tell her about Beelei. He had told her about everything else, but Beelei…she was locked behind a secret door that he had sealed tightly all those years ago. Her death was still too difficult, too raw for him to handle and whenever he tried to open that door, feelings of pain and grief overtook him. Even more so when he knew that her death was caused by him. If she hadn't saved him, she would have stayed hidden in her swamp and no one would have found her small, little shack. But they were after him and his tracks led them straight to her. When he couldn't be found, they took her instead. And when she resisted, the brown, murky waters of the swamp were colored with her blood. And the lone cry that echoed through the marshes was her last dying breath.

In the end telling Lydia about Beelei was surprisingly easy. He just opened his mouth and the words begun to pour out. Lydia ceased her struggling and just listened. All the jealously in her melted away. After all, she couldn't hate a woman who was dead. Instead she could only be grateful to her for saving this man's life and letting him go so that he could come to her. When his words ran out, Lydia kissed his cheek and hugged him.

\- Beelei, she whispered her name in the dark. – Thank you.

Talking about his long dead Argonian lover didn't completely soften him up and he was still very conscious of Lydia's naked body that was pressed tightly against his own. His hands begun to wander and Lydia sighed, not sharply like before but softly and quietly. It felt like the kiss of hot air which arrived before a thunderstorm. Moist and heavy but also carrying a promise of something better. When the storm was over, the air was fresh and crisp and pure.

But J'Ziir was never afraid of storms. He liked them more than the peace that came afterwards. And the storm that was now rising from the horizon was something he didn't want to miss. He saw the look of surprise on Lydia's face when he lifted her on top of him and grinned.

\- Housecarl, he said with stern voice. – You threatened to use your mouth on my body. That still hasn't happened. Have you forgotten your duties?

\- Oh, forgive me, my Thane, Lydia laughed. – I am your sword and your shield.

\- I don't need you to be neither right now, J'Ziir interrupted him and glanced down. His arousal was was clearly visible. Lydia caressed his stomach and allowed her hand to glide down. She touched his hard-on through his breeches and the fire was lit once again, burning brighter than ever.

\- I am sworn to carry your burdens, Lydia muttered as she slowly pulled his breeches down and took a long, good glance at him. Her cheeks flashed, her eyes sparkled and she reached out and caressed him with her soft fingers.

\- You're talking way too much, J'Ziir pointed out and Lydia punched his leg.

He chuckled but his laughter was turned into a guttural moan when her wet mouth suddenly wrapped around his throbbing erection. Lydia was pleased to hear it and wanted to give him as much pleasure as he had given her. She didn't know exactly what she was doing and was she doing it wrong but the sounds that came out from his mouth told her that she was on the right path. He was big and hard and hot and she felt how he grew even larger under her lips. And once again she wondered would it fit inside her without ripping her apart. She didn't realize that he was pushed towards the edge way too quickly and when his hands grasped her shoulders and pulled her up, she was far from finished with him. When his lips smacked against hers, she brought her hands down and continued to stroke him.

That was when the iron chackles broke and his long deprieved need for her was released. His fingers found her, wet and hot and he didn't need more encouragement. His body demanded and his mind demanded, only that small calculating part was still considering were this would lead but it was quickly drowned out by his beating heart. He pushed her underneath him, on her stomach against the bedroll. Lydia didn't resist. She raised her behind when she felt him between her legs. And like they both agreed, she didn't want mercy and he didn't give it to her. He pushed himself inside her, her knees almost buckled and they moaned. He was buried to the hilt, hot and huge and burning. When he begun to move, she felt like she was an avil and he was a hammer, pounding harder and faster until only sparks flew between them.

J'Ziir's claws sank into her skin even when he tried his best not to hurt her. They punctured the soft flesh and trickles of blood dripped down into the stone floor. Neither one of them noticed it until much, much later. But in that moment it was only him and her and their bodies that danced together. Her inner walls squeezed him and he knew he wouldn't last long, not against something like this. He could handle death and pain and torture, the cold and the rain and the icy wind of Skyrim. But he had no idea how to handle Lydia. It was like torture, pain was replaced with pleasure. He grasped her hair into his other hand and saw beads of sweat falling down on her shoulders, her neck, and her breasts; they swung back and forth as she moved underneath him. He bent over her and touched them, took the round mounds into his palms and massaged them. Then his other hand slid down to where they were joined and begun to rub her.

Lydia's arms gave up and she fell to the bedroll. Her knees buckled only seconds later and J'Ziir followed her, propping himself on his strong arms, never once separating from her completely. Lydia felt how everything inside her begun to shrunk and the pressure built up and she cried out, grapped the bedroll and her other hand found J'Ziir's face. She brought it down to her and kissed him and his breath was heavy and low right beside her ear.

And their world exploded, almost at the same time. He came first and as his seed spilled inside her, she begun to shake and tremble. She writhed underneath him and as all the strength from his arms disappeared, he fell on top of her and breathed in the scent of her hair. After a long, long time the world grew silent and they layed there just enjoying the afterglow. When J'Ziir finally moved aside, Lydia felt bare and naked. She was feeling so warm and comfortable under his weight, so secure and protected. She watched his face when he layed there beside her and wondered what would happen now. How their relationship would change and what it meant in the long run.

When he pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes, she realized she didn't want to think about it yet. She glanced up and saw the ceiling and the icicles and the moss and the mushrooms. This small little cave would forever remain in her memory as the place where she truly found her place next to this man. Where she discovered things that no one else knew. She fell in love with this cave like she fell in love with this man. And she wished they could come back here one day and spent a night by the fire. Where there would be no one else but the two of them.

J'Ziir was asleep. Lydia's breath calmed down and soon enough she slept too. Neither of them noticed how his part of the Eye begun to glow. It was right next to Lydia's forehead and it pulsated when it touched her skin. The amulet knew that the time of its destruction was getting closer. And so it gathered information which it needed.

_Lydia's living soul_. The amulet held a part of J'Ziir soul, his father's soul and now it slipped unnoticed into Lydia's sleeping mind and took a part of her with it. She would never notice but the Eye was careful and knew what the future held. In order to stop a disaster that could crush the Dragonborn and the world where he lived in, it took a piece of her love as well. And from deep within J'Ziir it managed to locate the tightly sealed chest of his emotions. It didn't open it, only wiggled inside and found the hidden love J'Ziir had for Lydia. It knew that J'Ziir himself wasn't aware that the chest existed.

The Eye took a small piece of that strong, almost violent love and united it with Lydia's feelings. It knew it needed its other half to completele its mission. That other part would arrive when when it needed to. Watching those two and knowing their feelings for each other made it feel little better. It might be able to save their lives.

But one depressing though haunted it. It still wasn't sure could it spare them both.


	75. A cry of a wretched being

**75\. A cry of a wretched being**

\- We're heading to Winterhold? Lydia asked him when they were finally on the road, later that afternoon.

They had left the small cave only few hours ago. It took way too long to get away from her arms and the lazy morning wasn't spent eating a late breakfast. And J'Ziir could feel it in his body. It was exhaustion but not the kind of you get from the battlefield. This was different, his limbs were tired and even his mind felt hazy and grogged. Like the air in the cave was poisoned with their passion. And leaving caused weird withdrawl symptoms.

He pulled his mind together and thought how long it would take to reach Winterhold. Lydia's horse was dead and they couldn't return to Windhelm to buy her a new one. And as sturdy as his mare was, it couldn't carry them both and all their gear. They could go to Whiterun, spent a couple of nights there and then continue on, but that would take too much time and after everything that happened in Windhelm, J'Ziir didn't want to waste more time.

\- Why there? Lydia took out her map and examined it.

\- The college has the biggest library in Skyrim, he said. – Chances are they have some information about the scroll.

\- And if they don't? she looked at him.

\- Then they don't, J'Ziir shrugged. – Then we'll think of something else.

Lydia nodded and folded her map away. J'Ziir was right. This was their best shot and if it failed, they would find some other solution. She felt more encouraged than ever and was sure that this nightmare where dragons ended up ravaging her homeland was soon coming to its end.

The road they followed led over tall, snowy mountain and after a while Lydia begun to feel hungry. All their supplies and food were left in Windhelm and the little amount that J'Ziir had managed to find was all eaten the day before. This morning she hadn't eaten anything. Not food, anyway, she smiled to herself. She dragged her feet behind him and when she saw the bush filled with red, blump berries she didn't hesitate and dashed forward. J'Ziir only saw her brown hair that whisked by him and then she was at them, tearing the berries and stuffing them in her face, moaning when the sweet juice filled her mouth. Like she hadn't seen food for days. J'Ziir stared at her and when the juice dripped down her chin, an amused smile crept to the corners of his mouth.

Lydia muttered something and saw another bush deeper in the forest. She headed towards it and J'Ziir frowned. The forest around them was quiet and snowy, he didn't hear anything but that didn't necessarily mean they were alone. Finally, when Lydia just headed forward, from one bush to another like a hungry rabbit, J'Ziir guided his mare after her. The road disappeared and the forest closed around them. He pricked his ears and kept his eyes open. Skyrim, that wicked old maid, was never as safe as it seemed.

It was his mare that first sensed something. It stepped sideways and its ears turned. Lydia was still chomping down snowberries and couldn't hear anything. And only moments before chaos was upon them, J'Ziir heard it too. Footsteps. Heavy and hurried. Someone was running through the snow, scared and frightened.

The woman emerged from the forest, screaming and begging for help. At first J'Ziir didn't realize what she was running from but then he saw the dark, massive figure coming behind her, fast and ruthless. He was quick enough to pull Lydia aside when the woman ran past them and that horrible monstrosity followed her. It didn't seem to notice them or if it did, it paid them no heed. They saw how it attacked her, tore her limbs of her body. The snow beneath was soon covered with bloodstains and J'Ziir heard bones crackling and breaking between the creatures teeth. She shrieked, a guttural scream of terror rose from her mouth but it was cut short when her pursuer sliced her throat open with one, sharp, long claw.

When the woman was dead, it dropped her body and turned. For a moment it stared at them and J'Ziir regognized him. Lydia was covering behind his back but like a brave housecarl that she was, she pulled out her sword and stepped forward. Before she could do anything, the creature passed them and disappeared back the way it came. And J'Ziir didn't waste any time. He pushed himself on his feet and rushed after the creature. He heard Lydia's voice when she called his name but none of that mattered right now. The snow around his feet was heavy and wet but he didn't care, all he wanted to see was that abnormal mutation in front of him.

He managed to reach it and noticed that it didn't run that fast after all. He wasn't sure was it because of all the wounds and bleeding cuts in its body or did it intentionally slow down but he was able to follow it nevertheless. It led him to a crumbled, old fort and when they approached it, he heard voices from within and the creature in front of him ran faster. He saw dozen people in the fort, trying their best to keep the thing away, shooting arrows at it, yelling and cursing when it came closer and closer. When it entered the fortress, J'Ziir lost sight of it but he heard enough to know what happened to those men inside the walls.

He located a hole in the wall and crept inside. He was just in time to see the last of the brutish Nords die in the hands of that thing. When his body fell to the ground, an eerie emptiness surrounded the place. J'Ziir stood up and walked closer. He knew that the creature heard him but it didn't turn and attack him, for now at least. And that told him that despite this beast's appearance, there was some humane part that knew who he was.

\- Vilkas, J'Ziir said his name and that thing turned and growled.

Its eyes were bleeding, its other hand was injured and broken, fingers cut of and the rotten flesh dangling like a putrid, dead lizard. It was able to stand even though its legs were slashed and covered by bloody wounds, its thick hide punctured by countless arrows. He saw pieces of flesh missing from its body, large burns and charred fur. It was thin and its ribs were showing through its skin, almost puncturing it like sharp, twisty daggers. It stood tall and massive but its posture was not threating. It seemed tired, exhausted and ready to fall over and die. And J'Ziir saw its human side, crying and cursing, howling and moaning inside of it and wondered what happened and how did this man, his brother, the husband of his sister, ended up here.

They stood like that, watching each other for a while, then Lydia's frantic voice called out from outside the fort and the creature lost its humanity. It forgot its pain and its weariness and saw only an enemy standing in front of it. In these past few weeks it had been surrounded by attackers and bandits and now everyone who came close to it was a traitor. It forgot that it knew the person in front of it and the human inside it of was once again trapped, powerless and paralyzed. Neither of them knew where the beast ended and the human begun. The torture had united them so tightly in the past weeks that changing back to human through sheer will was a long forgotten skill.

J'Ziir knew he was in trouble when the creature lowered its head and snarled. It this was just a regular wolf, an animal with no connection to his world, killing it would be simple and easy. But he could not kill this man. Neither he could allow it to hurt him or Lydia. He pulled out his axes but wasn't sure what he could do. Only defend himself but that wouldn't resolve anything. He knew he had to debilitate it and somehow bring it down without killing it or hurting it too much.

When the creature lurched forward, he rolled aside but its claws managed to grab his armor and with one heavy swing its paw, it tossed him around the yard. It was injured and hurt but not weak or easy to take down. He shook his head and saw Lydia in the other side of the fort. She hadn't found the the whole he used to crawl in but instead climbed up on the tall, crumbling wall of the fortress and looked down. She reached for her bow and when J'Ziir saw it, he remembered something.

Lydia's knapsack. When he poured its contents out while looking for the healing potions, he saw a small, grey vial among the other things. Paralysis poison. He glanced at the creature and decided that one more arrow wouldn't do much more harm. He stood up, was able to dodge the next attack which was quick and deadly and would have surely tored his other leg off. He yelled to Lydia while he kept his eyes on the beast.

\- Paralysis poison! he shouted. – Use it!

At first Lydia didn't seem to understand what he meant but then she quickly dropped her knapsack to the ground and rummaged through it. The beast was now circling him, its teeth bared, its claws spread and its eyes wild. J'Ziir saw pieces of flesh hanging from its jaws and decided that if Lydia wouldn't have time to shoot, he would defend himself with deadly force if necessary.

Lydia didn't have time. The wolf attacked and he swung his axe. It sunk deep into its flesh, almost cut off its other arm. And as he tried to pull his weapon away, he noticed that it was stuck into the bone and tearing by force only jammed it deeper. The beast howelled and brought down its other paw. It struck him in the head and he fell down, saw stars and heard loud ringing sound in his ears. He smelled its stench above him, saw the blood on the snow that dripped from its teeth and knew if he didn't think of something, this would be the end of him. Those massive jaws would crush his skull like a gourd. Lydia screamed but he couldn't hear what she said.

And then it came to him. The only thing he could think of. Lydia reminded him later that he was the Dragonborn, he could have used his Thu'um. And he confessed to her that he didn't remember and that would have caused injuries that might have killed it outright.

Her name dropped from his lips like soft beam of light. He murmured it, then he said it louder, still no effect.

\- Sura! he roared and the creature jerked, like something stabbed it. It's bleeding eyes were momentarily filled with sorrow, tears and sadness and at that moment Lydia found the poison and released an arrow that sunk right into its back.

J'Ziir knew that the effect wouldn't last long and in an instant he grabbed the iron chains that were lying on the ground. Lydia hopped down, ran to him and together they managed to secure the beasts before it started to move. And when it begun they were both happy that the chains were strong enough and attached to the stone walls with sturdy iron hooks.

\- What is going on? Lydia demanded to know and stared at the creature. – Why didn't you kill it?

\- Don't you regognize him? J'Ziir glanced at her and then back at the beast that was still gnarling, roaring, squirming but tightly bound and secured in its place.

\- Someone you know? she cocked her eyebrow. – One your lovers, maybe?

\- Somone we both know, J'Ziir said. - And I only have one lover and she's a stubborn Nord who never believes anything I say.

\- We both know? Lydia was confused.

\- Look closely, housecarl, J'Ziir nodded towards the creature. - Don't you remember the happy groom from Riften? About four weeks ago?

\- Wh..what? Lydia stared at him and then the beast. And then she whispered, not really believing it herself. - Vilkas?

\- Yes, J'Ziir stepped closer to the tortured beast. - Wolf, what are you doing here? And where did you leave my sister?

* * *

_A/N: So finally Vilkas is back. And soon enough Sura will step back into the story as well._


	76. His brother's keeper

**76\. His brother's keeper**

They searched the old fort and found things that caused shivers to run down their spines. Rooms filled with corpses, torture devices splattered with old blood, stinky cells with sturdy iron bars. They saw torn off limbs and gnawned bones, werewolf heads stuck on woopen pikes, their eyes dead and silent, jaws agape and teeth bared in a deadly grin. Lydia covered her mouth with her hand and gasped. Her eyes were wide and terrified.

\- What is this place? she whispered and grabbed J'Ziir's hand.

He didn't answer but it wasn't the first time he saw it. A place so similar to his own memories, so close it almost made him throw up. He felt how his stomach twisted into painful knots and he had to swallow, inhale and force his feet to keep moving. He didn't have to guess what this place was, he knew all about the horrific things that took place here.

After a while they arrived to a small room. Few rickety beds were pushed againts the walls and the door in the other side of the room was locked. Lydia opened the chests in hopes of finding the key. All she found were couple of old books and some worn out rags. J'Ziir glanced at the tables, books, peaces of food, empty mead bottles and a small note. It contained only few, hastly written words.

_"The white-saber tooth is looking for its mate. Get rid of it!"_

The white-saber tooth? he frowned. He had seen only few of the large cats in Skyrim and most of them lived on the northern parts of the land, where the snow covered the landscape and the mountains. And none of the creatures were smart enought to actively search for its mate. If it's mate died it just moved on till it found another. Saber-tooths didn't bond for life.

He heard a small click and saw a little smile on Lydia's face when she opened the door. She had used her ebony dagger to pick the lock and J'Ziir admitted she was getting quite good at it. Although Lydia didn't approve pickpocketing or stealing from the poor, she had no problems of picking the locks in bandit caves or in the house of some proud, overpowered noble. Sometimes she even enjoyed it. J'Ziir nodded to her and she entered the small room alone. While she searched through it, he scanned the rest of the papers and the books that covered the table. Nothing else seemed important. Only that one particular note. He heard Lydia's footsteps when she came out of the room and when he turned to her, her face looked confused. She was carrying the fragments of an old weapon.

\- I know what these are, she said in a quiet voice. - They belong to the Companions.

\- Like the man outside, J'Ziir noted. - We will take them back then.

\- How? Lydia asked. - We can't bring Vilkas to Whiterun like that.

She was right, J'Ziir admitted. They had to think of another way. He thought about Winterhold and the college and realized that once again the Dragons and the World-Eater had to wait. So far the land hadn't collapsed on itself and the people weren't losing their hopes. He thought about Raji, and how worried she must be. He hadn't heard anything about her since Riften. And if Vilkas was here...what if something had happened to her as well? Ulfric's assassins. That was the first thing that came to him and once again he felt a painful twist in his stomach. Losing Raji all over again was something he didn't want to go through.

\- J'Ziir? Lydia said and stuffed the fragments inside her knapsack. - What are we going to do?

\- Let's go, he said and she followed him back outside.

When they emerged from the fort, the dreadful, tired beast chained in iron chackles had turned in to a man and layed unconsious on the ground. They both noticed that Vilkas was as tortured, as thin and as wounded as the beast he had turned in to. J'Ziir sighed. He had no idea how long this transformation would last but he was almost sure that Vilkas wasn't able to control his changes. And at any moment this weak, dead tired man would once again turn in to that raging, deadly creature that lived inside him. He guessed that the torture had binded these two together so tightly that they couldn't tell each other apart anymore.

\- You need to go, J'Ziir turned to Lydia and her eyes flashed. - Take my horse and leave.

\- What? Lydia stared at her. - Where?

\- Whiterun, J'Ziir explained and guided her towards the main gate. - Go and look for Raji.

\- And tell her what? Lydia pushed his hand away.

\- Tell her, J'Ziir tried to gather his thoughts. - That we have found Vilkas. And then...

He stopped. He had no idea what he would do, where he could take the wolf so that they wouldn't kill each other on the way. And leaving him hanging there in the chains was not the right solution either. Vilkas was hurt, he was weak. He needed a secure place to rest and heal. A place where the crazed wolf wouldn't be able attack him if he changed. His brain was working like a machine, mapping the land and looking for a suitable place. And then one possible solution came to him. If he had time to think longer he might have found another way, but for now, this had to be enough.

\- You know old the mine near Riverwood? he asked Lydia.

\- Embershard? Lydia nodded. -Yes, I know it...but...

\- You need to go there first, he instructed her. - Clear it out. There might be some bandits but nothing you can't handle. There is a room at the centre of the mine, like a cell or a treasury. Leave it open and the key somewhere close by. After that, get Raji and come back together.

\- And you?

\- I'll go there, he glanced back. - With him. But I need the mine to be empty. I can't fight the bandits and have rabid werewolf on my back.

\- Alright, Lydia nodded. - Alright. I'll go. Just...be careful.

\- I'll try, he said. - And maybe you should tell Raji...to be prepared. If the worst happens and he can't be saved.

\- I will, Lydia's lower lip trembled. - But just make sure you get there in one piece.

\- I know, J'Ziir sighed. - For Skyrim and all that, right.

\- No, Lydia shook her head. - Not for Skyrim. But for me.

To hear her say such tender words still made him feel uncomfortable. At least this time she didn't say she loved him which spared them from an akward silence. Lydia hopped on to his mare, looked at him one last time and then she was off. The snowy forest covered her and when the snow settled it was like she had never been there in the first place.

J'Ziir turned and heard loud screams coming from the yard. Calmly he walked back and witnessed the gruesome change from a man to a beast, heard the crackling of the bones and the agonizing moaning that soon turned into roars. The creature was still tied up and it raged and howled as it yanked the chains, tried to pull them off the walls. J'Ziir was ready to move if one of the hooks would give in but they were quite sturdy and didn't give up even under the immense power of the creature. The wolf heard him but couldn't turn. It snarled and snapped its jaws as he walked in to view. There he stood and watched and as their eyes met, his was as cold as ice.

\- Brother, he begun in a calm, almost soothing voice. - This is what we are going to do. You and I are leaving this place. I have no intentions of hurting you and I think you know it. But I might have to cut off your limbs if you can't control yourself. Just to keep us both safe.

The wolf gnarled and lunched forward but the chains stopped it and yanked it back. J'Ziir didn't move an inch. A gruesome smile rose to his face and the beast before him growled.

\- It seems you didn't understand, J'Ziir sighed. - But go ahead and make this difficult, if you want.

He pulled out his other axe and the wolf whined and stepped back. It still remembered and felt the immense pain of the weapon on its other arm. He swung it in the air and stepped closer. And as he was getting closer, the wolf tried its best to get away.

\- See, like that, he nodded but didn't sheath his axe. Instead he pointed it straight to its wounded arm. - You try to attack me once more and I'll cut that thing right off. Do we understand each other now?

The wolf whined and bend its head down. Its tail quivered and it drew it between its legs. That was a clear sign of submission. J'Ziir believed he could control the thing but if it decided to attack him, the axe wouldn't be enough. He might be able to cut of its arm but it was bigger, stronger and even faster than he was. Right now only the memory of pain kept it at bay. He glanced at the chains but knew he couldn't take his eyes of the wolf. It was submissive now but he saw clearly the anger and the thirst of blood behind that passive gaze. And something else, something he knew so well himself.

The will to die. To just end it all. And if that feeling emerged too strongly, the wolf wouldn't care about the pain or losing its arm. It would go all the way and drag him along with it. He had ordered Lydia to leave and prepare a place where he could take Vilkas but the problem now was getting him there so that neither of them would be hurt or dead before they reached the mine. He left the wolf snarling in the chains and inspected the place once again. He found nothing that could help him. In the torture room he saw chackles that were covered in blood and filled with sharp spikes but he didn't want to cause any more pain to the creature. He was almost sure that it didn't attack him on purpose. It was blinded by pain and couldn't tell the difference between a friend and an enemy.

He walked back outside and watched the wolf, still squirming and trying its best to free itself from the chains. In this form it was an animal, nothing more than that. And he remembered a Thu'm he'd learnt months ago. Something that helped to calm the creatures of the wild. He hadn't used it much because he was always able to avoid angry bears or territorial saber tooths. But it was his best option and so he used it. And soon as the shout left his body, he bend down in pain, closed his eyes and swallowed. The shouts caused him to feel same agony he felt when he absorbed a dragon's soul. With the Thu'um it wasn't as intense but that was one of the reasons he rarely used them in battle. No one could explain the cause for the pain, not Arngeirn or Esbern. Paarthurnax might have known but he hadn't had a chance to talk to the old dragon about it. When he opened his eyes moments later, the wolf was covered in green glow and it was standing very still and calm. He approached it, it saw him but didn't attack. It seemed peaceful and quiet.

\- Feels good? he asked but the wolf didn't react. He couldn't tell how long the effect would last but he knew he would have to use the Thu'um many times along the way. And that would mean more pain, more muscle spasm and nausea. But for this man he was ready to go through all that. To keep him alive and safe he was willing to experience much worse than this.

Because they were family now.

He removed the chains from the sturdy hooks but didn't untie the wolf. Having the creature chained would at least give him some kind of chance to jump out of the way before using his calming Thu'um again. He circled the wolf so that he was standing on its side and pulled the chains. The creture followed him without a fight. As they left the bloody fort behind them, his inner map found a route that led thought the narrow valley between the mountains. A path were they might not meet anyone. He looked back and the wolf still followed him without resisting.

Whatever we face on that path, he thought as he watched its bleeding eyes and its ravaged body. I will keep us both safe. You have my word on that, _brother._


	77. The long dark

**77\. The long dark**

In the end he couldn't keep his promise. By the time they arrived to Embershard, hours and hours later, they were both tired, hurt and enraged. J'Ziir felt like the last shards of his strenght was seeping out from his body and he begged that the latest Thu'um he used to calm the angry beast behind him would be sufficient. All he wanted was to lock the creature in the cell and save them both from killing each other.

He had two big wounds that were bleeding and throbbing painfully. One in his arm and another in his leg. He was limping the rest of the way and dragging the beast behind him. The sun was high up on the sky and the day was hot and humid. His instincts had been right. Vilkas could no longer control his changes. And whenever he turned back in to himself, he was unconcious and occasionally yelling out loud, calling out for Sura most of the time. During those periods, J'Ziir was forced to lift him on his shoulders and carry him. But whenever he felt the first muscle spams, he tossed the man to the ground, secured the chains and backed away. And before the beast was even fully formed, he used his Thu'um and hoped it didn't have time to attack him while he was gagging and his eyes were blurry and his head was dizzy.

Two times he used his Thu'um two early. And that caused him a massive, bleeding wound on his leg. He didn't have any healing potions and their walking speed slowed down even more when he couldn't use his injured leg proberly. And he cursed his luck when the timing of the next Thu'um was also too early and before he had a chance to defend himself, the creature already sank its teeth into his other arm. He managed to twist his hand out of its mouth and smashed its head with the blunt end of his weapon but now he was barely able to move.

He tripped on a root right outside of the mine. He figured if the effects of the Thu'um would stop right on particular this moment, he couldn't do damn thing. Not that he cared anymore. The sun made him boil in his armor, the pain caused him to see things in two and he felt how the warm blood pooled into his other boot. There was the familiar red haze again, dancing on the edges of his vision. Oh, how have I missed you, dear friend.

He inhaled deeply and forced himself on his feet. The world swayed underneath him, he felt like he was standing on a boat in the middle of a stormy sea. He leaned against the rocks and the beast watched him, still engulfed in a green haze. He could see how the haze begun to dissipate and he knew he had to hurry. He pushed the wooden doors open and pulled the creature after him. He almost stumbled to the three dead bodies that Lydia had left near the entrance and cursed out loud.

At least we're out the sun, he though as they continued down the dark corridor. He glanced behind him and saw the dark patches of blood that followed them. How ironic, he thought. That I die saving this cursed beast. This creature who only wants to end its own wretched life.

He saw the open cell door in front of him and the key that was hanging from the lock. The last push, he sighed and then he heard the low growling behind his back. He didn't even need to turn to know that the green glow was gone. Very quickly he came to the conclusion that he didn't have the strenght to use his Thu'um anymore. The only good thing was the the beast was still chained but those chains wouldn't stop it from using its jaws.

Slowly he turned and faced the creature that was towering over him, its eyes as red as the blood that was dripping from its claws. He didn't lower his gaze as he took a few steps back. He had no idea what to do. The corridor was narrow and dark but he didn't need his nightvision to see the murderous glow in the wolf's eyes. He reached out for his axe but he had to use his left hand. He dropped the chains to the ground and the beast gnarled, lowered its head bared its teeth.

\- We're almost done, J'Ziir said with a low voice. - And now you decide to kill me. How considerate of you. I've been dragging you behind me, carrying you most of the way and this is how you repay me.

His words seemed to confuse it and it shook its head like it wanted to get rid of his calm, rational voice which slithered its way down to its ear and reached that humane part of its brain that was still yelling and trying to gain control.

\- So, you do understand, J'Ziir continued when he noticed the reaction his voice had in it. - Then, for your own sake, you better do what I tell you. Or that arm that's still hanging like a dead wight on your body, is the first thing to go.

This time the threath of cutting off its arm didn't work. And once again he saw that dangerous need in its eyes. The need to die. The need to plunge itself forward and having him end its life while defending himself.

\- No way, J'Ziir shook his head. - Don't even think about it. Now, get into that cell while I'm asking nicely.

For a moment they just stood there, battling it out. J'Ziir knew he was getting weaker and weaker by the minute and that red haze around his vision begun to swallow him whole. And even when the world turned in to a bloody, reddish colour, he still stood his ground and didn't back away. And eventually the beast gave up. He didn't know was it because of the pain, or because it was as tired as he was, but it lowered its gaze, turned and walked to the cell. And before it had a chance to ambush him, J'Ziir slammed the door shut, locked it and tossed the key away. Only then his hand relaxed and the axe fell to the ground. And then the world turned into darkness and he collapsed like a corpse.

_\- iir...Ziir...J'Ziir...!_

A low, husky, tormented voice penetreated the perpetrual darkness and carried him back to where he was. He opened his eye and the ceiling swam into his view. Dark, rocky, dusty ceiling. Nothing that required his attention. He only wanted to close his eyes again and sleep for a long, long time.

_\- J'Ziir!_

He managed to turn his head and saw a man in the other side of the iron bars. At first he didn't regognize him, he looked so thin, covered in old blood, his eyes were tired and dead, his voice was barely a whisper. His other hand was useless, rotting piece of meat and the fingers from his other hand were gone. The only thing that remained were painful looking, red stubs. He managed to get to his feet but the world was still turning and spinning. He noticed a small table pushed against the rocky wall and leaned against it. His vision was shaky but he noticed a small note on the table and two, big red vials next to it.

_"Drink this, you fool! We'll come as soon as we can!"_

Blessed Lydia, he thought and grabbed the bottles, tore off the caps and gulped them down. When he tossed the bottles aside he felt how his wounds begun to heal and the strenght slowly crept back to his body. He leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The pain was fading, the exhaustion was gone and he was starting to see the world in clear colors again. He lifted his gaze and saw the man behind the bars. Something changed. He managed to gain control of the beast. He was squeezing the iron bar with his other hand and he looked at J'Ziir.

\- Don't let her come here, Vilkas croacked. - Don't let her see me like this.

J'Ziir didn't answer. He removed his armor and inspected his wounds. They weren't healed completely, the scar tissue was still red and painful. But he felt much better than few minutes ago. He looked around, saw a couple of bottles of mead, grapped them and tossed the other to Vilkas. He didn't want to go too near, he might be a man now but there was no telling when he would turn again. He opened the bottle and sat down, leaned his head against the wall and sighed.

\- What happened? he asked.

\- I...I don't remember everything, Vilkas mumbled. - I don't know how long it has been. Do you?

\- Four weeks since Rifen, J'Ziir answered.

\- Just four weeks? Vilkas closed his eyes. - Can't be.

\- Who were those people? J'Ziir continued.

\- The Silver Hand, Vilkas's head begun to droop. - We...werewolf hunters. They d..did experiments on..on me. Didn't want...to kill me right away. They broke...the line. Crossed it. And now...i..it can come and go...whenever it wants!

\- Drink! J'Ziir ordered and Vilkas reached for the bottle, opened it and gulped it down. It seemed to help a little and calm him down.

\- Li..listen! Vilkas stared at him. - If...if you have any mercy...then just end it! Don't let Sura come here and see me like this...

\- If I kill you, she will never forgive me, J'Ziir said calmly. - And she will never forgive you either for leaving her.

\- And...when she comes and sees what I am...what I have become! Vilkas wheezed.

\- Then we'll find a way, J'Ziir replied.

\- Just give up on me, Vilkas lowered his gaze. - You should have killed me when I was asking for it. Why didn't you?

\- You're my brother, J'Ziir finished his mead and tossed the empty bottle aside. - Part of my family. Consider it a curse if you want. But I will never give up on my family.

\- You don't know what it's like! Vilkas yelled. - To be like this, never knowing when this creature will take over me again! To be in constant pain...

\- I know enough, J'Ziir interrupted him. - Trust me, I know. My life consisted of pain for twenty years. I know what it's like to crave after death, beg for it to come and end it all. But I survived all that. And so will you. Even if I have to drag you back from Hircine's hunting grounds, I will not let you slip away so easily.

Vilkas grew silent and leaned his head against the iron bars. - Alright, he finally whispered. - Alright. But promise me one thing.

\- What? J'Ziir knelt down next to him.

\- If I hurt her in any way, Vilkas grabbed his arm and his whole body begun to tremble. - You will cut me down without hesitation!

\- No need to ask that of me, J'Ziir nodded. - I'd do that even if she begged me to stop.

\- Good, Vilkas swallowed and crawled away. - Good. Then...you better move further. I think the beast wants to to be the one who welcomes my wife.


	78. Let him go

**78\. Let him go**

Lydia arrived to Whiterun late in the afternoon. After she cleared Embershard, she made sure once again that the mine was empty, the key to the treasury door was on its place, hanging from the lock where it was easy to see, two large health potions was placed on the small table and everything else was as ready as it could be. She left behind water, food and mead and hoped that it would be sufficient- She had a bad feeling in her stromach but she tried to think positively and strongly believed that that Vilkas could be saved. It had taken too long for Sura and Vilkas to be together and it would be devasting to see everything come to and end like this.

She rode to the main gates, left J'Ziir's mare outside and rushed to the city. The guards paid no attention to her, everyone in the city knew who she was. To her eyes, Whiterun was as it always had been, her home city and the bright jewel of Skyrim. She didn't stop to look around and as she ran up the stone stairs sweat glued loose strands of hair to her forehead and armor felt like it weighted a ton. She missed the wooden bathtub that J'Ziir had bought and hoped she would be able to use it in the near future.

She swung open the doors to Jorrvaskr and at first glance nothing was out of place. The big firepit was light and the large meadhall was warm and cozy. But there was no one around. Eerie silence greeted her and as she closed the door behind her, she heard the sounds of her own steps, echoing though the hall. She had never seen Jorrvaskr so empty and so dead. Usually this place was filled with eager people, new recruits who wanted to display their skills, Vignar telling his stories, Torvar strutting around and trying to seduce everything that moved, the usual Circle members, Farkas, Aela, Skjor, sometimes even the Harbinger came to join them all. But now, there was no one.

She called around and even her own voice sounded strange in this place. It was shy, like it didn't belong here. After a while she heard footsteps in the stairs and Farkas' muscular frame emerged from the living quarters.

\- Lydia? he was surprised to see her. It seemed that he had been waiting for someone else. – What are you doing here?

\- I'm looking for Sura, Lydia explained. – I need to see her.

\- That makes two of us then, Farkas replied and sighed. – Let me know if you find her.

\- What do you mean? Lydia asked.

\- She and Aela are both possessed, Farkas grunted. – Running here and there, taking down the Silver Hand, Aela looking for revenge and Sura looking for Vilkas.

\- Wait, Lydia grabbed his hand. – What's happened here?

It didn't take long for him to tell her what was going on in Jorrvaskr. How most of the new recruits were gone and no one really dared to enter this place anymore. How they were leaderless now, no one to show them the right now. There were no new contracts coming in, he, Ria and Athis somehow tried to hold this place together. How the icy blue in Sura's eye had begun to fade and now she was looking at this world with eyes that were the shades of gold and copper. And how the whiteness in her fur turned to darker grey and and how she only spoke with a rough, raspy voice and gave short, cold answers. Through his words Lydia realized that Farkas was afraid of Sura and he had no idea where she was. She came and went the way she wanted and if someone tried to stop her, one look from those fiery orbs was enough.

Lydia would have liked to know more but the front door opened and they both turned. Lydia knew exactly what Farkas meant when she saw her oldest, her dearest friend. And she also knew who had taken control of this kindhearted, soft, gentle woman.

\- Lydia, Sura's eyes flashed when she saw her standing there. But it wasn't Sura who faced Lydia, not at all. Part of her was there, regognized Lydia and was happy that she was here. But that part was tucked safely underneath all this madness. As Sura's faith was fading away, the small glimmer of hope dying, as days marched by like, her strongwilled mother took the reins and kept her daughter safe.

\- You need to come with me, Lydia took her hand and when she pulled away, Lydia knew for sure she was talking to Namada.

\- I have too much to do, she replied with a cold, stern voice. – I need to find…

\- Vilkas, Lydia nodded and when she mentioned his name, Sura blinked and her eyes were changing their color, from gold to blue and back to gold. Namada wasn't going to allow her child to suffer. If Vilkas was dead, then she would face it first. She would take the first crushing blow and keep Sura safe as long as she could.

\- Then you know I can't waste time, Sura walked pass her.

\- J'Ziir and I found him, Lydia yanked her back. – He's alive but…

\- Found him? Sura's hands grabbed her and Lydia felt how amazingly strong her grip was. It almost caused bruises to her hands.

\- Sura, Lydia tried to calm her down. – You need to listen to me.

\- Take me to him! Now! Sura screamed and shook her. – Take me there now!

\- Calm down! Lydia pushed her away and when she tried to grab her again, Farkas wrapped his strong arms around her. That caused her to shriek and curse and neither of them had ever heard anything like that coming from her. She clawed Farkas and tried to get away but his arms were like iron chackles and he didn't let her go. His arms were bleeding now but he didn't care, his beastblood usually took care of small, insignificant fleshwounds. It took a long time for her to calm down. She gasped for air and her screams ceased and Lydia finally dared to approach her.

\- Sura, can I talk to you now? Lydia asked. – Namada, I know you are trying to help but you need to let go. Vilkas is alive, he is not dead.

She remained silent for a while, like she was considering wheter to continue or not. When she finally looked up, her eyes were back to their old blue and the horrible bitternes from her face had disappeared. Only sadness, loss and a little glimmer of hope remained.

– Ly…Lydia? she sobbed.

Farkas finally released her and she rushed to Lydia and the two women hugged each other. Lydia felt how her shoulders were trembling and she tried her best comfort her. Neither of them said a word and they stood there, holding onto each other for a long time.

\- So, you really found him? Farkas finally asked.

\- Yes, Lydia nodded. Sura looked at her and her eyes were huge and desperate. – You both need to come with me. We found him but…things are not…well.

\- Where is he? Sura asked and now her voice was calm but hopeful. – Please, Lydia...

\- Let's go, Lydia nodded. - I'll take you there.

The three of them arrived to Embershard couple of hours later. The sun was already setting behind the mountains, the shadows crept closer and the clouds were colored in the shades of blue and violet. The forest was quiet, only the wind whispered and an eagle cried out somewhere high up in the sky. Lydia jumped down from her horse and Sura looked around.

\- Embershard? Sura asked as she descended. – Why here?

\- J'Ziir told us to come here, Lydia said. – You'll know soon enough why. I think they are both waiting for us.

As soon as they entered the mine, a loud roar came from within the shaft. It caused the narrow tunnel to vibrate and dust drippled down on top of them from the ceiling. Lydia shuddered and prayed for the Divines. If that beast was loose and running around through the mine, they had no chance of taking it down alive. She hoped that J'Ziir had managed to lock it up and make sure it didn't break the flimsy door to bits.

They walked ahead and Lydia was relieved to see J'Ziir standing on other side of the wooden bridge, leaning against the wall and obviously waiting for them. From the first glance he seemed to be alright but soon Lydia noticed the nasty, bloody scars on his arm and on his leg. She wanted to ask him what happened, but now was not the time.

\- J'Ziir! Sura rushed to her brother and looked at him with eyes that were nearly green. – Where is he? Take me to him, now!

J'Ziir didn't answer but his eyes danced around her face. Then he leaned in and Sura blinked. He reached out, grabbed her part of the Eye and yanked it from her neck. Sura cried out as the necklace snapped and as he tore it off it left behind red marks.

\- I'll take this for now, J'Ziir finally said. – Go away, mother.

\- J'Ziir! Sura rubbed her neck but as soon as he took the necklace from her, its glow begun to fade away and Sura shook her head.

She wasn't sure what was happening. All this time she had felt so sure of everything, she knew exactly what she was doing. Every decision she made was right and if she guestioned it in her mind, a strong voice drowned out her doubts. During the nights she was afraid of losing that strong part of her and becoming the weakwilled, unsure, unworthy creature she had always been. And now she was divided, ripped apart and separated. And for the first time since Vilkas left her in Riften, she saw things clearly. And realized that when she invited her mother in, Namada's will of protecting her drowned out her own.

\- Ouch, she mumbled and his arms grabbed her when she swayed back and forth.

\- Welcome back, Raji, J'Ziir lifted her chin up. - For good I hope.

\- How did you know? Sura asked. – That it wasn't me...

\- I know you, J'Ziir replied. – And I know mother. And how she likes to interfere. She wants to help but this...you have to face it yourself.

\- Face what? Sura looked down at the corridor where those horrifying roars were coming from. – What do I need to face?

\- Your husband, J'Ziir replied and nodded. – It's up to you know wheter he lives or dies. Just know this…he begged for death once already. And no matter how much you love him, I know you don't want to see him suffer.

\- Suffer? Sura whispered. - Why would he suffer?

\- Don't close your eyes, J'Ziir said. - He is dying already. He wants to and he asked me not to let you see him. He wants you to remember him the way he was.

\- Why would I need to remember him when he is here, Sura shook her head.

\- He is here for now, J'Ziir forced her to look at him. - But maybe you need to think what's best for him.

\- What's best..?

\- Show him mercy and let him go, J'Ziir replied.

* * *

_A/N: I'm once again moving from one place to another. My life is upside down right now and once again it might take me a while to get back to this story. I apologize and thank you all for your support and patience.  
_


	79. We'll stay alive

**79\. We'll stay alive**

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. J'Ziir could have told her everything, descriped it in a thousand different ways, explain all the gory details. And still he knew it wouldn't be enough, she had to see this with her own eyes. There were no words strong enough to descripe something like this.

Sura walked ahead and her steps were slow, almost reluctant. Her fear mixed with the need to see Vilkas but her brother's words scared her. That she should let him go and remain here by herself. Surely it couldn't be that bad. J'Ziir, Lydia and Farkas followed her and before she even reached the cell door, she saw the massive shadow moving around, howling, roaring, rattiling the iron bars and trying get out. The door was old but it was sturdy, J'Ziir was almost sure it wouldn't break but he walked next to her, just in case.

Sura stopped and watched. Her own heartbeat was slow and almost causious. She heard how Lydia sighed and stepped back. J'Ziir didn't move from her side and Farkas stood his ground. She knew they were all there and yet their presence didn't matter at this moment. A thousand thoughts flashed in and out of her head, revenge, love, yearning, longing, pity, sadness, all in a jumbled mess and she couldn't grab any of those emotions.

\- That's Vilkas? she finally asked. - Vilkas?

She turned to J'Ziir and her eyes begged him to tell her that it wasn't so. That all of this was some misunderstanding, a mistake. That Vilkas was still out there somewhere, alive and well, not this mutilated and tortured creature she was facing.

\- It's him, J'Ziir said and felt how his words wounded her. But this was not a time for pity. She couldn't close her eyes anymore and believe that everything was alright. It was cruel and he wanted to protect her, but there were times like these when you have to face things no matter how much it hurts.

\- Is it? Sura stepped ahead and when the wolf lunged at her, J'Ziir grapped her and pulled her away.

\- Don't do that again, he hissed at her.

\- It can't be him, Sura shook her head, still wanting to deny this. - He would know me. If it was him, he wouldn't attack me.

\- He doesn't know you, J'Ziir said. - When he's like this. He barely knows himself.

\- Who did this? Farkas asked and swallowed. His blood was pumping high and hard in his veins and his eyes were sparkling in the dark tunnel like molten gold.

\- The Silver Hand, J'Ziir said and Farkas stared at him. - From the look of it, you know what I'm talking about, don't you?

\- Silver Hand, Farkas gnarled. - Because of them, Kodlak and Skjor are dead. And the Companions are falling apart.

\- I suggest you calm down, J'Ziir said with a quiet voice which was coated with coldness and deceptive calmness. - You turn now and you both will die. I don't have time nor energy to look after two rampant wild animals.

\- J'Ziir, Sura looked at him and he could see she begun to believe it. This horrific truth that she didn't want to face, she begun to see it. - What happened?

\- We found him from an old fort, J'Ziir said.

He glanced at Sura. He wasn't sure should he tell her everything and was it necessary. Despite the situation, he still wanted to protect her, spare her. Wasn't it enough that the wolf was here now? Still alive and breathing? She didn't need to know how and what had happened. And if the wolf survived, he could tell her about it later. Although J'Ziir doubted that he would. After all, he had already protested seeing her and asked him to end his life countless of times. If Vilkas was strong enough to pull through this, he didn't see a reason why he wanted to visit the most painful memories of his life.

\- Never mind, J'Ziir finally said. - He's here now. And we need to decide what to do.

\- Save him, Sura said without a doubt. - There's no guestion about that.

\- Save him then, if you can, J'Ziir nodded. - Do you know how?

Sura's eyes grew dark and she lowered her gaze. She didn't know what to do. And it was strange to be put in charge like this. They were all looking at her in hopes that she would find the answers to their guestions. In recent months she had been able to look up to her brother and see him solve most of her problems. He was able and willing. But this was different. Vilkas was her husband. She knew J'Ziir would help if she needed but it was up to her now to find the right answers.

She turned towards the cell and with a heavy heart she watched the man she loved. Massive wounds all over his body, his eyes dangerously wild and untamed. There was nothing familiar about this creature. No trace of the man he used to be. When then beast stared at her, there was no regognition, not even the smallest hint that it knew what or who she was. His other arm was almost useless, hanging beside his body, rotting and emitting a horrifying smell. She knew he was in pain but getting close to him and helping him in this state would be difficult, life threatning even. And to save his life, she had to look after herself first. She couldn't just run up to him and embrace him and hope he would remember her. It was painful but she knew she had to face it. Vilkas might never be the same again. He might never turn back and that would mean...

The thought made her heart cry out in pain. But she didn't let any of that pain seep into her eyes. She wished she could be like J'Ziir, cold and unfeeling. Make decisions without guilt or hesitation. And if there came a time when she had to give him up, let him go, like J'Ziir said, she wasn't sure could she do it.

\- If at some point, Sura whispered to J'Ziir but wasn't able to look at him. - If...I have to give up. If there is nothing more I can do...will you help me then?

\- I'll make it quick, he replied and placed his hand on her shoulder.

She nodded, took a deep breath and decided to close her heart. She needed her brain now, her her emotions. The love she felt for this man just made things more difficult and now she had to use cold logic to find the answers she needed. She opened her eyes and the pain, the tears and the shock was gone. In that moment her eyes matched the eyes of her brother. She begun to look at things in a different light. She watched the beast, saw all of its wounds and realized he might not last long enough for them to find a way. There was no way around it, she had to try and heal him. She noticed a big slash in his other arm, it was bleeding profusely and she could see the bone, a glimpse of white in midst of the blood, severed tendons and injured muscles. She turned to look at J'Ziir and he stared back.

\- I had to defend myself, J'Ziir finally explained. - Would you rather see us both dead?

\- Are you hurt? Sura walked to him and begun to inspect his body.

\- I'm alright, J'Ziir tried to shook her off but she was relentless.

\- Alright? Sura frowned when she saw the reddish scars on his arms and legs. - You call this alright?

\- I call it better than being dead, J'Ziir replied.

\- If you are going to help me, Sura casted a strong restoration spell and J'Ziir felt how the dull, throbbing pain begun to disappear. - I need to you at your best.

\- I'm willing, he answered. - If you know what you're doing. But if your plan involves letting that creature out of that cell, then I would definitely like to be at my best. At least that gives me a chance.

\- I will never understand how you fight dragons, if you are so afraid of a werewolves, Sura sighed.

\- Wolves are unpredictable, J'Ziir replied.

\- And dragons are not? Sura asked.

\- Let's face it, he said. - They are quite boring to fight. They don't know how to hide, they can't ambush you, you hear them long before they even catch a glimpse of you and they do tend use the same repetive attacks. Wolves...a whole different story.

\- Which I'm not interested to hear now, Sura said.

\- Suit yourself, J'Ziir shrugged. - I assume you have a plan.

\- He can't control his changes anymore, Sura begun. - But we can't take him anywhere in this state.

\- Where would we take him? Farkas asked.

\- Farkas, Sura turned to him. - Explain to me. How do you change? Through sheer will? Do you need the moons? Or is the blood of the beast enough?

\- The blood is in us, Farkas said. - But you need the will to change. If you haven't changed in a long time, it becomes harder to resist. You hear the call.

\- When was the last time you changed? Sura asked.

\- It's been a while, Farkas admitted. - Vilkas agreed with Kodlak that we wouldn't change anymore. Kodlak was looking for something. I don't much about it. But I followed my brother and I haven't changed since.

\- Any ill effects? Lydia looked at him and Farkas shook his head.

\- Kodlak, Sura repeated. - Kodlak...he might have been able to help.

\- The man is dead, J'Ziir said. - If you want to save your man and the Companions, I suggest you concentrate on the present.

\- Speaking of the Companions, Lydia opened her knapsack. - We found these from the fort as well. I know they belong to you, she handed the fragments of the old weapon to Farkas who didn't seem eager to accept them.

\- Me? Farkas looked at her. - You want me to take them?

\- You are a Companion, aren't you? Sura reminded him. - It's best you take them to Eorlund. He can probably reforge the weapon. And having it whole and in the hands of the Companions would strenghten Jorrvaskr right now.

J'Ziir glanced at Sura. He was slightly amused at how easily the big, thickheaded Nord accepted her guidance and leadership. He didn't argue against her, he simply nodded and looked relieved. It was clear that he wasn't a leader. And the "_Harbinger_" he saw in Raji caused J'Ziir to look at his sister very carefully. Namada was gone but the same unrelenting force remained. A satisfied smile rose to his face.

Farkas looked at Vilkas one last time, then he grapped his weapon and left the mine. When he was gone, the rest of them remained. The wolf was pacing back and forth in the cell and the sand beneath him was filled with dried blood. Finally Sura decided she had to try. She took a deep breath and under the watchful eyes of her brother, she stepped forward. As soon as the beast heard her footstep, it stopped its movement and focused it's red, bleeding eyes to the person in front of it.

The man inside its head screamed, not of pain but of fear. The beast understood that this woman was the reason the man wanted to live. This woman was the single, thin thread that still bind its former master to this world. The beast was confused. Its mind was suddenly filled with emotions it was not able to understand. Something almost human reached out and it realized that the woman could help, take some of pain away. It had lived through pain and its trust to those around it was shattered. Letting her close was dangerous. The wolf was reluctant. In this form it was better equipped to protect its body and the mind of the man.

\- Vilkas, Sura said his name with a calm, tender voice. As the wolf came closer, she didn't retreat. She knew J'Ziir stood right behind her and he was ready to pull her away. But at the moment she didn't feel threatened.

\- It's alright, she whispered. Those words were meant for Vilkas, for herself and for J'Ziir, for all of them. And surprisingly they seemed to work. The wolf calmed down and J'Ziir didn't grab- Even her own beating heart settled down.

She reached out her hand and it fit easily through the iron bars. When she touched the rough fur of the wolf, her eyes were filled with relief and her heart was overflowing with love and tenderness. All this was hers. And it was now safe. The man and the wolf. They were both here, finally. After so many weeks, after so many empty, lonely nights when the nightmares crept too close and the hope was fading and eluding her. When she was sure that she would have to live the rest of her life alone. She allowed a gentle steam of peace and healing run through her hand. It wasn't the strongest spell she had but she didn't want to scare or agitate the wolf. She could clearly see it didn't trust her but for now it allowed her to touch and help it. She moved her hand to its the broken, injured arm and as she begun to heal it, she realized that no matter what she did, that arm would never be complete again. Wheter is belonged to the wolf or the to man.

\- I'm here now, Sura said with a low voice and the wolf listened. - I won't leave you behind.

She stood there for a while, doing the best she could and then she backed away. She sensed that the wolf was getting restless and whatever she did wouldn't help with the inner chaos and the utter confusement it was feeling. She had no idea what those people had done to him and she was feeling powerless for not knowing how to help.

\- Do the best you can, J'Ziir said and she found his words warm and comforting. Like he knew what she was going through.

\- I'm going to Whiterun, Sura finally decided. She didn't like leaving Vilkas behind but just standing here, watching him wasn't goint to help. - I need to find a solution to this.

\- And if there is no solution? J'Ziir asked.

\- There is, Sura's eyes were defiant.

\- If there isn't? J'Ziir didn't give up. - You can't just rely on fool's hope, Raji.

\- Hope is all I have left now, Sura sighed and then reached out her hand. - Can I have the Eye back? I'll make sure mother stays out from now on.

\- You sure? J'Ziir asked.

Sura nodded. J'Ziir hesitated but eventually placed the necklace on her palm. She smiled but didn't put it back to her neck. Instead she tucked it inside her pocket. She needed to have a clear head for whatever was going to happen and she didn't want to risk her mother getting involved again. She knew Namada only wanted to protect and help her but it was time that she faced her own proplems.

\- What do you need me to do? J'Ziir looked at her.

\- Can you stay here for now? Sura lowered her gaze. - And look after him? I know you must have many other things to do but...

\- I'll stay, J'Ziir promised. - Lydia will go with you.

\- Just...don't kill him, alright, Sura touched his hand.

\- I dragged him here from the other side of Skyrim, J'Ziir glanced at the wolf which was now much calmer than before. But he could see something in its eyes he didn't like. - I'll make sure he stays alive for as long you need.

\- Thank you, Sura said and her smile was tired. - Be careful.

\- Don't worry, J'Ziir said. - Like I said, he will still be here when you get back.

\- I know, Sura nodded. - But I'd like you to be here as well. Be careful of him. Vilkas is a good man but the wolf...is not as kind.

\- I've noticed, J'Ziir replied and watched as the creature moved inside the cage. It's eyes were now fixated on him. Red, evil glare followed his every move.

\- If you need to, Sura didn't look at him. - Defend yourself. I healed him and I healed you. For him to stay alive and for you to protect yourself. Just...don't kill him, alright.

\- Just go, J'Ziir assured her. - We will both be here when you get back.

\- Promise? Sura glanced at him.

\- We'll be alive, J'Ziir nodded. - I can promise you that much.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this story again. Like I mentioned before, I'm once again in the middle of moving. In a few weeks I'll be in my new place and then I'll try to pick up speed with story. Thanks for your support and patience :).  
_


	80. Standing alone

_A/N: I want to apologize to you all for being so late with this. Thanks for your patience and your kind comments. Anyway, without further ado, let's continue the story. :)  
_

* * *

**80\. Standing alone**

It was late in the evening when they arrived to Whiterun. The night was closing in but Sura didn't feel tired. She couldn't waste any more time. She didn't have that opportunity and her need to save Vilkas, at least try her best, pushed her brains to find solutions and fast. At first she sent Lydia to Dragonsreach. Farengar was the court wizard and he knew more of magic and spells than she could learn in her whole lifetime. Lydia frowned, she didn't much care for the grumpy old man, but Sura was determined and so Lydia agreed and headed towards the reach. She didn't think that Farengar had any knowledge of werewolves since most people in Skyrim seemed to believe they existed only in scary stories to frighten stubborn children. But Lydia knew that Sura wanted to try every possible way so she didn't argue for long. They parted their ways beneath the blooming Gildergreen.

Sura glanced at the tree. The cold wind rustled in the branches. Few rosecolored leaves fell to her feet. She picked one them on her hand. It was like a small miracle. Holding something that had been dead for such a long time. She looked up and felt hopeful watching the tree and its strong, thick branches. If Gildergreen was able to survive, able to bloom again like this, she wanted to believe that Vilkas was not beyond salvation. She headed to Jorrvaskar while still holding the vibrant leaf in her hand. As she opened the door and walked to the huge meadhall, she wondered where she should start. She believed that Jorrvaskr and the its knowledge would help her and give her the answers she needed. But Kodlak was the one who everyone always went for answers. And now Kodlak was gone. She glanced towards Vignar's room but he mostly knew old stories and took hours and hours to tell them. No - it was either Kodlak or no one.

But going downstair to his room, snooping around like a thief felt wrong. She had no right to be there, she wasn't even part of the Companions. But if she wanted to find solutions, to find a way to save Vilkas, then she had no choice but to go and search for answers. Even if everyone in Jorrvaskr disapproved. Even if they threw her out, she would find a way back and keep looking until she knew what she had to do. She hoped they would understand.

But before she could make her move, the door opened and Farkas stepped inside. He didn't notice her and he walked towards the staircase that led downstairs. He stopped at the top and seemed hesitant to go on. He grunted and turned around, took a few steps like he wanted to walk back outside, then he stopped again, sighed and headed towards the stairs again. He went downstairs and Sura heard how he opened the door. But he didn't close it behind him. And he didn't move. He just stood there, like a statue. Silently she went after him and saw him standing in the doorway. His forehead was covered in deep frowns and Sura had never seen him so lost in his thoughts.

\- Farkas? Sura said and he looked up at her, his face filled with relief.

\- Sura, Farkas walked up to her and cleared his throat.

\- Are you alright? she asked.

\- No, Farkas shook his head. - Eorlund asked me to get Kodlak's piece of Wuuthrad.

\- So, go get it, Sura said. - He needs it to reforge the weapon.

\- I can't go to his room, Farkas looked at her and his eyes were troubled.

\- Why not? Sura sighed.

\- I couldn't protect him when the Silver Hand attacked, he replied and was clearly ashamed to admit it. - Going there now and go through his things...it doesn't feel right. And I haven't done anything afterwards to keep the Companions together. It was always his first priority, to look after all of us.

\- He knows you tried your best, Sura tried. - Eorlund needs the fragment.

\- I know, he nodded and looked at her, his eyes pleading. - Could you get it for him?

\- Me? Sura plinked. She had just looked for a way to go into Kodlak's room and search for help and now Farkas was literally giving her his approval. - Are you sure? You know I'm not part of the Companions and Kodlaks' room is...

\- You are Vilkas' wife, Farkas said. - Like I said, that's good enough for me.

\- Yes, to you maybe, Sura argued. - But not everyone here thinks the same.

\- Does it matter right now? Farkas asked. - Vilkas is dying, Aela is still going after the Silver Hand, what's left of them after the destruction you've done, and the only other Circle member remaining is me.

\- If I go down there, Sura said after a long silence. - Will you let me look for something that might help me save Vilkas? Kodlak must have known things but because he isn't here anymore I can't ask him.

\- Go and look, Farkas replied. - When you find the fragment, hand it to me and keep looking as long as you need. You resemble him, you know. Always looking for a way and not giving up. If it was up to me, I'd have let him go by now.

\- I can't let him go, Sura said. - I barely just found him.

Farkas didn't argue but Sura saw something in his eyes. He wondered was it worth all this. To let Vilkas live in such a pain and suffering while she looked for something, a way to cure him that might not even exist. - I'll wait here. Just call out to me if you need help.

Sura nodded, turned and headed downstairs. The long hallway was empty and quiet but it was brightly lit and she wasn't afraid or nervous. She didn't hesitate when she walked to the end of the hallway and opened the large wooden door to Kodlak's room. She didn't expect to see his ghost or spirit but she did feel something when she entered the room. A warm sense of approval, like she was welcomed here in a peculiar, strange way. She knew of magic and held strong powers within her fingertips but she hadn't expected such a welcome in a place where magic was scorned and seen as inferior to swords ans shields and the raw power of steel.

There were lots of books on the shelves but she wanted to find the fragment first. If she got that out the way she could consentrate on looking for something that would help Vilkas. She looked around but didn't really know where to start. The fragment was important to the Companions so Kodlak must have kept it somewhere safe and secure and she doubted she would find it from this room. She glanced at the other door which led to Kodlak's private quarters. What kind of a welcome would she get if she entered there? She turned away from the door and quickly searched the shelves and tables but like she guessed, there was no trace of Kodlak's fragment. Eventually she realized she would have to enter Kodlak's private room. She walked to the door and suspected that it was locked. But when she turned the handle, the large wooden door creacked open. The light from the first room crept in the revealed a large bed, couple more shelves and a small table tucked in the corner. The empty room felt dead and abandoned. So quiet and lonely. It represented the whole of Jorrvaskr, and how this place had died with Kodlak. Sura could almost see the grief and saddness that circled the room, the emptiness and the need to have him back. Not just because of Vilkas, but because of the Companions. He was bound to them and they needed him, this place needed him and she felt how outrageous and unfair it was for him to leave them all like this.

Why, Kodlak? she asked when she entered the room. Why not stay and help? Why leave all this to Farkas, who doesn't know much and doesn't understand. Who doesn't want to lead. A strange feeling surrounded her, like something in the room tried to answer her guestions. That it wasn't Farkas who was meant to lead, it wasn't Farkas who pulled Jorrvaskr back from the brink. It wasn't Farkas who was here now, searching for a way to save Vilkas.

She shook her head and spun around. The feeling remained but it wasn't as strong any more. What was this? And why did she suddenly feel so cold? Like something heavy and unwanted was placed on her small frame, something that she would not be able to carry. She raised her hands to her cheeck and slapped them, pinched them and was finally able to think more clearly. She left the door wide open and the light from the other room begun to fill this empty, dark space. She didn't really need the light, she could see perfectly well without it but it comforted her and chased the coldness away.

She looked through the bookcases and the tables but found very little. Was there really nothing that could help her? She refused to believe that, refused to just turn around and walk away from this. She knew that every moment she lingered and spent here meant more suffering and pain for Vilkas, but letting him go without even trying was too hard to accept. She gripped the bedpost, closed her eyes and forced her aching heart to calm down. It was slowly starting to betray her, she heard how it begun to whisper the words J'Ziir had already said to her.

_"Show him mercy and let him go."_

That would be the kindest thing to do. For him. Be merciful. Be kind. Be loving. But while Vilkas beggeg for death, did he knew what kind of pain he was causing her? To think that she would have to stay here, all alone and live without him. She knew she was being selfish for wanting to keep him...just for a little while longer. Just give me a little more time, she asked. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, but when she opened her eyes, she noticed the small table next to the bed, tucked in the corner and covered in shadows. It had two drawers and the upper one was slightly ajar. She released the grip from the bed, walked to the drawer and opened it.

At least you are helping me this much, she sighed when she saw the fragment of Wuuthrad, placed on top of a leathery journal. She reached out her hand and picked the piece on her hand. It was warm, almost hot to the touch and she felt the power that rushed throught it. She was about to turn around and take the fragment to Farkas when he saw her own name on top of the old journal that was placed in the drawer.

_Zahraji._

Not Sura. Not the name they all used here in Whiterun, the name they used even now. Zahraji was the name only J'Ziir used and he often shortened it to simple Raji. The same cold feeling returned and she wanted run out of the room and leave that book where it lay. She knew it offered answers, but in return it wanted something from her, something that she didn't want to give. And it was all mixed up in the answers, the demands. But running was not an option. She tried to run from the Orc and she was finally forced to face it. She tried to run from her painful past and eventually it caught up with her. If she ran now, she would lose the most important thing in her life. So she sat on the edge of the bed, placed the freagment next to her and took the journal from the drawer. She felt like it burned her hands, she was afraid to open it and see what it contained. But at the same time she wanted to rush through it, read it quickly, get it all over and see the answers and the demands.

But as she opened the first page, she realized there was no way of rushing through this. No matter how badly she wanted to save Vilkas, she would have to calm her heart down and go through this carefully. There were answers, oh yes, like so thought and the she thanked the Divines for those. But the demands that she faced were far beyond her, things she didn't want to read, understand or accept. She realized this would be the prize of saving Vilkas. Not just save her husband but also the dead Harbinger of the Companions.

When she finally closed the journal, she knew what she had to do. She knew what Kodlak expected of her but that would be for later. And it was not just for her to decide but for all of them. She knew they respected his words and his wishes but this might be a too hard for them to understand. She took the fragment of Wuuthrad, Kodlak's journal and left the the Harbinger's room. When she closed the door behind her, she hoped she wouldn't need to step into that room ever again. But if Kodlak knew what would happen to Vilkas, surely he knew that the Circle members listened and respected his words. It's an exhange, she understood. Kodlak had once saved her life when she was a little girl. And now it was her turn - to save Vilkas, save Kodlak's spirit and save the Companions. It all felt unreal and unfair and she almost reached out for the Eye. It would have been so easy just to slip the necklace on, let her mother take over and watch from the sidelines how she handled things. No, she shook her head. If I'm not strong enough to fight for him on my own, I don't deserve him at all. She walked to the bedroom which she now called home, where she had lived all these lonely weeks by herself. She took the Eye and placed it inside a small jar on the table.

\- I'll leave you here for now, she whispered. - You know why.

She left the room without looking back and the faint glow on the necklace faded. Her part of the Eye begun to ready itself. It wouldn't take long now before it was needed. And with all the power it had spent helping Sura, it wasn't sure was there enough for the final confrontation.


	81. The voice of the Harbinger

**81\. The voice of the Harbinger  
**

Lydia was waiting for her in the meadhall with Farkas. They talked in a low, quiet voice and when she came upstairs, they looked at her, both hoping she would have better news than either of them. Lydia had returned from Dragonsreach with nothing. She knew the court wizard wouldn't welcome her with open arms and his knowledge of werewolves was nonexistent. That or he didn't want to share his information with her but Lydia doubted that. Farengar rolled his eyes when she mentioned werewolves, as if nothing could interest him less.

Sura handed the fragment of Wuuthrad to Farkas. She was still holding Kodlka's journal in her other hand. She knew what she had to do and where to go and she didn't need to read it again. She remembered everything down to a little detail, her head was still spinning and she felt uneasy. But she wouldn't be able to hide what had happened and there was no reason for it. After some thought she handed it to Farkas.

\- Give the fragment to Eorlund, she told him. - And while he reforges the weapon, read this.

\- Kodlak's journal? Farkas regognized the book as she handed it to him.

\- When Wuuthrad is ready, head back to Embershard, Sura continued. - If you find Aela, take her with you. If not...well, then it can't be helped. But she needs to know and with her this would be a lot easier. You have to take Vilkas to Ysgramor's tomb, far up north.

\- Ysgramor's tomb? Farkas' mouth dropped open. - A-are you serious?

\- Wuuthrad opens the way to the heart of the tomb, Sura explained. She was calm now and explained things patiently, like descriping something very difficult to a little child. - When you get there, make your way to the inner chamber and wait for us.

\- Us? Lydia glanced at Sura. - We're not going with them?

\- No, you and I need to go somewhere else first, Sura said to her friend. Then she once again turned towards Farkas. - Can you do that?

\- Yes, but I don't know how this helps, Farkas nodded. He had received clear orders and it was easy for him to follow them. Finally he felt like he was on his right place, following someone and knowing what to do. It felt very familiar and good. And he hoped that things would remain like this from now on.

\- I know you have guestions, but Kodlka's journal will explain everything, Sura said. It was easier to have Farkas read the book. It would sound too ridicilous and selfish for her to say it out loud anyway. Also it would give both her and Farkas - and Aela if she decided to show up - time to consider what this all meant.

\- Where are we going? Lydia asked.

\- Before we leave, I assume that Farengar didn't tell you anything, Sura asked her and as Lydia shook her head, she nodded. - Yes, I didn't think so.

\- Then why sent me there in first place? Lydia sighed.

\- He's been the court wizard for ages now, Sura said and her smile was sarcastic and a bit too cold. - There's no way he's lived here all this time without knowing the truth. He knows but I guess dragons are his true love. Not werewolves.

\- Alright, Lydia admitted. - Makes sense. Where are we going if you sent Farkas to Embershard?

\- Do you know of a place called Glenmoril Coven? Sura asked her.

\- I've heard of it, Farkas suddenly said. - Kodlak mentioned it couple of times.

\- I'm not surprised, Sura replied. - That's where we need to go. For Vilkas...and for Kodlak.

\- Do you know where it is? Because I've never heard of it, Lydia glanced at him.

\- I know, Sura nodded and then she turned to Farkas. - Do you remember what you need to do?

\- Wuuthrad, Embershard and Ysgramor's tomb, Farkas repeated.

\- One more thing, Sura told him. - Before you leave, take lots of healing potions with you. You might need them along the way.

When Farkas nodded, Sura turned to Lydia and grapped her arm. - Let's go. We have a long way ahead of us.

Lydia held her tongue long enough for them to leave the city. But as soon as the they were crossing the planes of Whiterun, she asked Sura to explain what was happening. At first she didn't answer and Lydia suspected that once again her mother had taken control and was running things her own way. But she noticed her necklace was missing and her eyes were filled with worry.

\- Sura, Lydia begun. - I want to help you, just talk to me. If I don't know what's going on...

\- Right now, all you need to know is that we have to get to Glenmoril Coven, kill the witches and then head to Ysgramor's tomb, Sura replied. - The rest...is too complicated for me to explain right now. I don't even know what to think myself.

\- The witches? Lydia asked.

\- Kodlak's spirit needs to be purified, Sura mumbled.

\- Aren't we doing this for Vilkas? Lydia was confused.

\- It ties in with that, Sura admitted. - The curse needs to be broken. The wolf and the man has to be separated and the wolf needs to die. That might be the only way to get Vilkas back.

\- Might be? So, we can't be sure if this works? Lydia asked.

\- No, Sura shook her head. - But I'm willing to try.

\- How long till we get there? Lydia decided to wait for the rest. Things were in motion and poking around and asking guestions would only make Sura more distressed. She was already on the edge and even though Lydia didn't know what she discovered from Jorrvaskr, there was a small glimmer of hope in her eyes that she didn't want to suffocate. She could wait, after all, she had grown used to it by now. Getting any kind of answers from J'Ziir always required careful timing and lots of patience. By now she was a master of timing and patience.

\- Maybe a day, Sura finally answered. - It's quite far down south. We have to pass Falkreath and head towards Markath. Kodlak explained where it is.

Few more guestions popped into Lydia's head, like "how can someone who is dead tell you such things?". And why was it that Kodlak needed to be purified? And if we kill the wolf, how will Vilkas survive? Weren't those two bound to each other, almost too tightly to be broken apart. But the main thing that worried her was something she didn't dare to say out loud. If the wolf was to die and Vilkas was to live, would the wolf accept its demise peacefully?

J'Ziir had already mentioned that Vilkas sougth after death, that he wanted to end it all. But that was Vilkas. His wolf was different and what little she understood, the wolf wanted to fight for its existance. And if it realized at some point that they were planning for its death in order to save the man who had controlled it all these years, wouldn't that cause massive troubles? Like the creature escaping and running from them? Killing anyone who crossed its path?

\- I know what you're thinking, Sura suddenly glanced at her.

\- Do you? Lydia looked at her.

\- I have a hunch, she smiled. - Yes, this will be difficult. Especially if Farkas and J'Ziir run into trouble. Then it will be thousand times more complicated.

\- Why didn't you go with them? Lydia asked. - With you there, he might be calmer. He knows that you want to help him.

\- But I don't want to help the wolf, Sura said and her voice was cold. - I want to kill it. Be rid of it. If I go there, it will understand it. It will sense it. It's better for me to be as far away from it as possible, at least for now.

Lydia didn't argue and they continued their journey in silence. She glanced up at the sky and realized that it was almost dawn. She could see the first rays of the sun in the horizon and the snow covered mountains begun to glow and bask in its warm rays. Seeing the sun and feelings its light made Lydia feel hopeful. After the dark days that had passed, they all needed some light in their lives. And wherever this road would take them, whatever they encountered, she trusted that small glimmer of hope that sparkled somewhere deep down in Sura's eyes.

It was strange, she suddenly realized. That she was following Sura and listening to her words exactly the same way she followed and listened to J'Ziir. She didn't understand when her childhood friend had turned into a leader. What was that moment? She almost giggled when she remembered how Farkas listened to her and never once argued against her. And she gave orders like she was born to do so. Patiently and more gently than J'Ziir, but with clear and demanding voice.

\- You know, Lydia suddenly started. - Now that Kodlak is gone, you would make a great Harbinger. They seem to listen to you at Jorrvaskr. Even the ice-brain himself follows you guidance.

Sura flinched at her words. She swallowed hard and that uneasy knot in her belly rose to her throat. She glanced at Lydia who smiled, like she had just thought up something very hilarious and very brilliant at the same time. _Oh Lydia, _Sura thought to herself and a cold fist of fear in her chest gripped her heart once again. _If you only knew...if you only knew the last words that Kodlak left to me. The you wouldn't say it so casually. Then you wouldn't say it at all, because you wouldn't be able to believe it._


	82. Follow the alpha

**82\. Follow the alpha**

The dawn was still far away when Farkas and Aela arrived at the Embershard Mine. Farkas was carrying the Wuuthrad on his back and he felt strange, honored and even a little scared to hold such a legendary weapon. Eorlund wasted no time getting to work and while he remade the old, massive axe, Farkas read Kodlak's journal. With every word he begun to realize how Kodlak had secured Jorrvaskr's future and pulled the Companions back from the brink, even after his death.

Before Eorlund was ready, he spotted Aela beneath the Gildergreen, heading back to Jorrvaskr. She had been gone for days and Farkas had no idea where she went and what she still hoped to find. Sura had all but destroyed the rest of the Silver Hand but Aela's need for revenge was still unsatisfied. And despite the fact that she denied her affection towards Skjor, it was very obvious why she did all this.

Skjor and Aela had been the two Circle members who truly embraced the curse, as Kodlak called it. For a long time now Vilkas talked about being free of the wolf and Farkas always followed his brother. He didn't really have an opinion, he was a strong man with or without his wolf. He didn't mind its presence but he wouldn't be terribly disappointed if the curse was broken. The only thing he really missed these days was proper rest. His dreams were often too vivid for him and even when he was completely spent, almost three women sharing his bed at the same time, the dreams came and when he woke up, he felt restless and alert. He didn't exactly remember what it was like sleeping for a long time, diving under that dark blue cover of nothingness, pull the silence over him like a thick wolf pelt and sink into nothingness.

As soon as he saw Aela, he ran down the stone stairs and stopped her at the entrance. Quickly he explained things to her and her green eyes flashed. He didn't know the reason, but he hoped it wasn't because of anger. Sura and Aela had exchanged some harsh words in the past but if Kodlak's wishes came true - and he was sure they would - Aela might be having a hard time accpeting it all.

\- Ysgramor's tomb, you said? Aela asked her, amazed.

He heard respect in her low voice. There was a doubtful look in her eyes and she seemed tired. She wasn't really sure of her own position in Jorrvaskr these days, when everything was turned upside down and the people she loved and cared for died so suddenly. She wasn't prepared to lose half her family so quickly. And the pain that came afterwards, she didn't know how to handle it. So she used violence and isolation, she never cried and the only time she allowed the grief to surface, was in the forests, in the mountains, under the pale moons when she could do nothing else but to howl her endless longing.

\- We know where it is, Farkas told her and passed Kodlka's journal to her. - You need to read this in order to understand.

\- So what are we waiting for? Aela asked and was ready to leave immediately. She pushed the journal aside, refused to look at it. She didn't need words, didn't need to understand. It would be difficult to realize her own mistakes, apologize and accept another truth.

\- Eorlund is not ready yet, Farkas forced her to take her journal. - Read it.

Few hours later Eorlund entered the Skyforge carrying the old, massive axe in his hands. By then Aela had already finished Kodlak's journal and she wasn't sure what she should think about it. She remembered Sura's words, of how she claimed she loved the Companions but showed little respect and little effort to keep them together. _Yes_, she should have done more, she admitted now. But when Skjor left, it was like losing the night sky, with all the stars and the moons and light of the Auroras that shined when they ran through the forest. And with Kodlak gone, even the earth where she planted her roots begun to crumble. And the only one left by her side was Farkas, the icy wind from the sea that wasn't strong enough to tie it all together. No, they needed Vilkas, the strong knowledge and the logic that knew the right answers and showed them where to go next. They needed their alpha.

She strirred as Eorlund walked inside and upon seeing the old weapon in his hands, reforged and powerful, she begun to hope that they could reclaim their glory. She thought it would be hard to accept Kodlak's wishes, but he had chosen the right pair to lead them forward. The alpha and his white saber-tooth who had already proven more than capable. Aela knew she would eventually have to come terms with it and begun to prepare herself.

On the way to Embershard, Farkas and Aela exchanged their thoughts and finally came to the same conclusion. They wanted to save the Companions but they had done little or nothing to help. The only one who fought, who kept them afloat was a tiny Khajiit, who was a mage and didn't belong in the Companions. But at least she tried and their future was now in her hands. They decided that when this whole ordeal was over, they would declare their own wishes and it would be unanimous with Kodlak's wishes. After all, neither of them wanted to lead.

They entered the mine and immediately something felt strange. Not just the silence but the smell. Aela glanced at him, there was an alarmed look in her eyes. Then they heard it. The steps of the alpha. Not confined in his cage anymore. It wasn't hurrying, it walked slowly. It was determined. Sure of itself. Like it knew where it was going and no one was standing on its way anymore.

The smell of fresh blood crept inside them and they both sensed how their alpha called out to them. Farkas realized it was calling out its siblings and tried to lure them to its side. It was something he had never felt before, like the wolf inside him wanted to turn and betray its human counterpart. For as long as Farkas remembered, he and his wolf lived side by side, and neither tried to rule over the other. He knew when the wolf called and the wolf realized when it was time to rest. He looked at Aela and saw the same fear in her eyes. It was something they couldn't escape.

The alpha appeared in front of them. Wounded, but powerful. Commanding, demanding, using its massive girth to threaten them. They saw how fresh blood dripped from its jaws and how its yellow, sparkling eyes stared at them, observed them. Were they his enemy or his brothers and sisters? It opened its jaws and roared at them. And an answer vibrated inside them, Farkas felt how his heart begun to beat faster, how his blood flowed and the familiar, hypnotizing pain started to creep over him. He knew it wouldn't take long before his sides begun to burn, before his ribs crackled and his body was filled with the need to hunt. He always followed his brother, shouldn't do that now as well?

\- Farkas, no! Aela grabbed his arm. Her eyes were glowing dangerously but she was still resisting.

Farkas shook his head and understood what she meant. If they turned now, they would follow Vilkas wherever he led them. And then they would turn their backs to Jorrvaskr, to Kodlak, to home and to their family. To everything they respected and loved. The alpha sensed they were unwilling to follow it. It knew these two, regognized them as part of its pack. But all the suffering, the bloodshed, endless hours of torture and pain blurred its vision and made it only see enemies in front of it. Deep down it sensed the end of its life, and some part of it embraced it and accepted it. But like any animal it strived to survive.

Farkas and Aela both understood that the alpha prepared to attack. They were clueless as of what to do. Never before had they faced a situation quite like this. They couldn't kill the alpha, but they couldn't let it have its way either. What would happen, neither of them knew but they were determined to hold their ground.

And suddenly everything in their world turned upside down. Like a strong gust of wind grabbed them all and mashed them against the stone walls. The sound that followed was like thunder. Not high up in the clouds but right next to their ears and it drowned out everything in its wake. Farkas was sure his ribs were broken and dozen other bones in his body as well and he was barely able to dodge a huge boulder that dropped down from the ceiling. Getting his head crushed was not how he planned to die.

After a while everything went quiet. Only the dust lingered, the sound of pepples dropping from the ceiling, the creaking wooden beams above their heads. He heard Aela's moans and alpha's heavy breath and then another sound crept into his foggy mind. Footsteps, light and calm and familiar.

\- I told you, a deceptively cold, quiet voice said. - You and I stay tucked here like two lovers that can't bear to be separated. Were you really trying to run off without me?

Farkas groaned, opened his eyes and managed get up on all fours. He had to shake his head to get the ringing out of his ears and when he was able to focus his vision again, he saw the Dragonborn standing in front of him.

The black furred Khajiit looked horrible, almost unregonizable. His armor was bloody, his arms were nothing but gaping wounds, slashes, bites and cuts all over. His eyes were tired, he was barely holding himself up. He had a thick iron chain in his hands. He was breathing heavily, but he never shirked or backed away. His hands worked fast but the chain slipped dozen times and his fingers refused to work. Eventually he tied up the beast that was now laying among the rubble, still frozen and unable to move from the full blast he had just delivered to it.

He secured the wolf, then he fell to the ground and threw up. He was a bloody mess and Farkas realized in an instant why Sura told him to bring lots of health potions. He just hoped that the impact against the hard stone wall didn't shatter the bottles. He crawled up to his feet and unloaded all the vials he grabbed before he left Jorrvaskr. As fast as he could, he took them to J'Ziir. The Khajiit's arms were trembling, his breathing was shallow and he had lost a lot of blood. Almost violently Farkas yanked his head up and then forced him to swallow the content of the first three bottles.

When he begun to show signs of recovery, Farkas turned to Aela and helped her up to her feet. Her other arm was bruised and she had some scrapes and burns but nothing too serious. They turned to look at J'Ziir and the alpha, that still laid in the ground. It was no longer dazed and confused. Farkas saw a crafty, mean look in its eyes and he realized that getting from here to Ysgramor's tomb was far from easy.

\- What happened here? Aela finally opened her mouth. She was still panting and recovering from the hard smash against the stone wall.

\- We are just bonding as brothers, J'Ziir answered with a dry voice and emptied another vial. He was finally able to get on to his feet and he felt how the deep gashes in his arms slowly closed up. His hands settled down and the intense trembling ceased. - Like you saw, this little guy doesn't want to cooperate with me.

\- Little guy? Farkas glanced at the giant wolf that snarled back at him.

\- Not a big surprise, J'Ziir smirked. - I guess you two were caught in the blast as well. I tried to hold back a bit, but who knows with these shouts. They're not easy to aim. But thank you for distracting him.

\- We're fine, Aela waved her hand. - But we need to get moving before the dawn. Are you able to walk?

\- Yes, J'Ziir frowned. - As long as you tell me where and why.

\- We might be able to save him, Farkas explained. - Sura ordered us to come and take him to Ysgramor's tomb. She gave us instructions there and told us to hurry. She and Lydia will be heading there as well.

\- Ordered? Told you? J'Ziir stared at him. - How interesting. Since when did you begun to follow her orders?

\- Ever since Kodlak...

\- Farkas, this is not the time, Aela interrupted him. - Let's just grab him and go. It's almost dawn and we can't be seen out in the open like this.

\- You're right, Farkas nodded and turned to J'Ziir. - But we need your help, brother.

\- Brother? J'Ziir cocked his eyebrow. - And here I thought there was room for only one insane werewolf in my family tree.

He sighed and noticed that neither of those two wanted to get close to the tied up alpha male, but handling this beast was nothing new to him. He dragged this creature from the other side of Skyrim and now he apparently had to drag him for the rest of way as well.

\- Get up! he grabbed the iron chains and pulled the snarling wolf on its feet. When it tried to lunge at him, he grabbed his axe and sliced it mangled torso. The pain was sharp and agonizing and the wolf jumped back.

\- We need him alive! Aela scolded him.

\- He's still breathing, isn't he? J'Ziir shrugged. - And as long as he's breathing, he's alive. For all I care, he can be a bloody, beaten mess when we get there. It's his choice will he arrive there with all his bones broken, his tail cut, his claws ripped out and limbs torn off. In that case, we'll have to carry it but at least it won't be trashing like a mad bull.

The wolf drew back and whimpered. Chained up and tired it knew this man was capable of hurting it and doing all the things he said. Its enemy was ruthless and pain begun to be too familiar now. Its will to live started to diminsh. It had dreamed to run into the wild, into the darkness of the forest and lick its wounds there until it was no longer hurting, no more suffocating. But now it wished for it to end. It lowered its head and drew its tail between its legs.

\- Your choice, brother, J'Ziir whispered.

_"My choice", _it growled softly. _Let this be the end, _the man trapped inside wished. As they left the abandoned mine, Aela led them towards the north. The wolf walked obediently in front of J'Ziir and when it turned to look at him, he stared into its eyes.

\- You're choice, he whispered.


End file.
